(1991)
Dir - Jon Hess
Overall: MEH
A sluggish made-for-TV movie from schlock director Jon Hess, Not of This World updates the usual "crash landed alien entity taking over a small town" scenario with some gore, but it is an instantly forgettable watch. Two actors from Tim Burton's Batman are present, (Pat Hingle and Tracey Walter, respectively), with one or two other familiar faces joining the proceedings in order to put something on their resume so that they can maintain their SAG insurance. They all play it straight, no one giving in to wacky mannerisms or scenery chewing, which fits Hess' oddly serious tone that takes too much time establishing the run-of-the-mill characters before it gets to the extraterrestrial creature that feeds off electricity and goes for larger and larger power sources. Lisa Hartman portrays a woman who is in charge of a local power plant, but of course it is her young son instead of any trained professionals that comes up with the plan which will stop the out-of-control monster. This gives it an old school drive-in B-movie vibe where children were often more clever than the adults and got to mingle with military and authority figures during dangerous threats. While this angle could have been cute if leaned on, Hess Hess never lets anything divulge into camp, making for a dull watch that only occasionally remembers that it is a stupid monster movie instead of one about boring adults talking about their jobs and starting relationships.
(1992)
Dir - Manny Coto
Overall: WOOF
Like most inherently piece of shit slasher movies, Dr. Giggles is obnoxious, hackneyed, and insults the viewer at regular intervals. Based on the Dark Horse comic of the same name, it gives character actor Larry Drake a meaty enough title role as a lunatic who thinks that he is a physician and is running around murdering people because who cares. Director Manny Coto and co-screenwriter Graeme Whifler maintain a mostly comedic tone while delving into the Giggles backstory with some flashbacks, but it hardly matters since Drake's antagonist is merely here to predictably sneak up on people and off them in ways that pertain to medical instruments. Some of the deaths are mildly amusing in their impracticality, (he uses a blood pressure pump to make a guy's face swell up, per example), and Giggles manages to avoid capture and have numerous gear at his disposal because again, who cares. The plotting is pure nonsense and indulges in cliches like horny dipshit teenagers acting as such, the police force dismissing any reports or accusations of danger, a final girl who plays it straight, conveniently timed plot maneuvers, and the bad guy being armed with an endless supply of groan-worthy quips. It does everything that one would expect it to do, but a movie can only be so lazy and formulaic before someone asks why they should bother watching it in the first place.
(1994)
Dir - Robert Markowitz
Overall: MEH
As opposed to letting them continue to collect dust, Rod Serling's widow Carol decided to get two unearthed scripts from her famous husband into production. The resulting CBS television film Twilight Zone: Rod Serling's Lost Classics acts as a coda then to the beloved television show that wrapped up three decades earlier, with James Earl Jones stepping in for Serling as host, as well as Richard Matheson scripting the first segment "The Theatre" based on Rod's story treatment. The other and longer tale "Where the Dead Are" was authored solely by Serling, featuring Jack Palance as a mysterious scientist living on an island who has found a way to revitalize dead tissue. The aforementioned "The Theatre" is actually the more Twilight Zone worthy vignette, dealing with a woman who sees her recent life events unfold on a screen in the middle of His Girl Friday showings, eventually leading to a paranoid, deadly, and ambiguous climax. Director Robert Markowitz worked exclusively in television throughout his career, and his results here are aesthetically and tonally in line with the time period, meaning far removed from the original black and white program. This is understandable and not a bad thing, but neither of the stories are anywhere near as memorable as even the more mid-range Twilight Zone episodes from the show's heyday, making this merely an appreciated addition for purists to check out.
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