2015 Horror Part Six

THE VISIT
Dir - M. Night Shyamalan
Overall: WOOF

While M. Night Shyamalan reserved the type of unintentional Troll 2 style bad/uproarious for The Happening, (which until The Visit was the worst possible film he could make), this one is just godawful in all the lowest ways.  Within the first ten minutes, you are on such unstable ground so quickly that you find yourself praying for a miracle that it cannot possibly be as bad as you think it is going to be.  It is indeed worse though.  The fact that this is done in the found footage style alone is beyond a mistake.  Every single shot of the film is distracting with every offender the sub-genre has to offer and Shyamalan beats you over the head with how absolutely clueless he is as to what actually makes this style work.  There are a barrage of pathetic explanations why the movie within a movie is edited and framed like a completed, "real" movie, just as much eyeball-rolling foreshadowing, and worst of all, atrociously unfunny and forced attempts at comic relief.  If you hate kids in horror movies, oh Nelly, watch out for Ed Oxenbould whose character gets to indulge in not one, not even two, but THREE rap sequences.  It is all so staggeringly sloppy and overdone, and the film derails so, so consistently that by the time Shyamalan is trying to "scare" you with disturbing and even gross-out moments, it reeks of desperation like none of his other way off the mark movies ever came close.  It has been said many times by now but seriously, he cannot sink any lower than this can he?

THE FINAL GIRLS
Dir - Todd Strauss-Schulson
Overall: MEH

The Final Girls attempts and often succeeds at at number of its goals to send-up the 80s slasher films that even the people who love them would admit where all terrible.  Well actually, it does a better job with its other story elements, particularly the concept of reuniting with the fictional character versions of your loved ones.  On paper, this is basically a The Last Action Hero and Sleepaway Camp sandwich, with a heavy emphasis on self-awareness.  From what the blooper reel title credits imply, the script was heavily embellish with add-libs from the cast and these are equally hit and miss.  Adam DeVine and especially Angela Trimbur steal the movie with their exaggerated caricatures of stupid, horny 80s slasher bait and there is certainly no shortage of laugh out loud moments between them.  Sadly though, an opportunity was missed to make this appear far more authentic as the PG13 rating is an observable detriment and not at all suiting to the gory, nudity ridden exploitation films it is making fun of.  It looks more like a high-definition fairy tale than a dated VHS tape with only one scene featuring a tiny sprinkling of noticeable blood.  Also, the film fails to tighten up the plot that regularly glosses over its own very minimal amount of rules that it sets up.  The entire universe it exists in is hardly fleshed-out and by the ending, we are no closer to understanding what is supposed to be happening.  The movie has so much emotional weight that it cannot be tossed off as a "who cares it's just a stupid movie making fun of stupid movies" excursion, not convincingly at least.  So though it tries to have its cake and eat it too, it is nowhere near a failure and certainly worth a gander for anyone wanting a less successful but still fun The Cabin in the Woods type of fare.

THE DEVIL'S CANDY
Dir - Sean Byrne
Overall: WOOF

This is another unbelivably awful yet preposterously well rated modern horror film that comes down to the absolutely fucking terrible script by writer/director/guy-who-thinks-using-the-most-obvious-metal-songs-with-the-words-"evil"-and-"demon"-in-them-for-his-Satanic-horror-movie-is-awesome-when-of-course-it-is-actually-incredibly-lame-and-cheap-and-thinks-a-father/daughter-team-of-metalheads-would-flash-the-horns-at-each-other-on-her-awkward-first-day-of-school-to-make-her-feel-better-is-something-anyone-would-ever-do-ever Sean Byrne.  So there is a crazy guy who kills his parents in a house and then hides out very safely at a hotel close by for long enough for said house to go on sale, go down in price, and get moved into again without anyone catching him with the same single outfit on.  He also has plenty of money at his disposal as well as his parent's car which no law enforcement officials are able to track down even though they come face to face with him after getting a noise disturbance call at his hotel.  Artist/zero percent body fat/greasy/fake tanned/fake tattooed/never showers/covered in grime/shirtless/metal dad gets lost in his Satanic paintings when he moves into a house with an evil wall, then getting positive attention from an art gallery owner whose name is literally the Jewish translation of "devil" and whose secretary likes to hang out alone in the perfectly empty, movie-lit gallery looking like a glamorous, evil fashion model.  Also there are only two scenes with them and then that is enough of those people.  Then dirty metal hippy douche gets shot at least twice and immediately falls unconscious, only to regain superhuman strength to show the audience he is not dead so he can save his daughter in a fake CGI fire that would have suffocated he, crazy killer guy, and his equally un-showered metal kid to death within seconds.  Is this Sean Byrne guy fucking twelve?

2016 Horror Part Six

THE VOID
Dir - Steven Kostanski/Jeremy Gillespie
Overall: MEH

The first non-schlocky outing from the Canadian production company Astron-6, (though because it is non-shlocky, it is not presented under said production company name), The Void is a technically impressive, crowdfunded film by writer/director team Steven Kostanski and Jeremy Gillespie.  Not conforming to using terrible CGI as every other horror or otherwise movie has been doing for years now, the film's devotion to practical effects is meritable.  They are clearly Rob Bottin/Rick Baker inspired and look rather superb, representing a successful throwback element that does not rear the entire movie into unfortunate nostalgia territory for its own sake.  There is a whole mess of other familiar influences thrown into the brew to be sure and some may come off as more lazy than others.  A lot is done correctly though with these ingredients, keeping the mystery compelling and the gore factor high for the first half or so.  The heaping pile of cliched story elements suffocates everything though.  Too many ideas fail to mesh well together and others receive no payoff.  The movie ends up leaving a giant mess behind in its wake, though because it's a fun ride up until a point and even here or there afterwards, it can still be recommended as a well-intended near-miss.

SHELLEY
Dir - Ali Abbasi
Overall: GOOD

For the first many minutes of Iranian-born Ali Abbasi's full-length debut Shelley, you would be hard pressed to be able to tell it is any kind of horror movie, outside of the very subtle clues sprinkled around.  The only complaint may be the use of sinister sounding music at random occasions where as always, the use of silence would have been more unsettling.  That aside, Abbasi intentionally strays far away from what we have been accustomed to expect from such genre films, bypassing many of the typical beats and setups.  Describing the film on paper, it certainly qualifies and even borrows from many other works you could easily spot, but the execution of it at least presents everything from a different angle.  Ambiguous storytelling can often be appreciated if you become convinced that the filmmakers actually know what they are doing, as opposed to just fucking with us because they are too lazy to get their plot straight, (cough It Follows cough).  In this regard, Abbasi excels.  As a viewer, your sympathies can be placed any number of places here and it is very interesting to be led in a certain direction because you know you are watching a movie, (and a "horror" one at that), only to truly find yourself going over what may or may not actually be going on from a more realistic standpoint.  In other words, Shelley pleasantly misleads you into questioning what you expect from horror movies and that is certainly something the genre can benefit from.

THE AUTOPSY OF JANE DOE
Dir - André Øvredal
Overall: MEH

Norwegian Trollhunter director André Øvredal came across the script for The Autopsy of Jane Doe as it was featured on the annual Black List of sought after, un-filmed screenplays.  Sadly, Øvredal also went on record as saying that he was inspired by The Conjuring, one of the most genre-adhering to, unimaginative modern horror films there is.  This is evident in the final result here, which blows a really, really fantastic premise on a completely safe, by-the-books, boo-scare ridden presentation.  The problem with having your horror film be so absolutely textbook and predictable is that your primary goal is to frighten your audience by creating an aura of dread and mystery.  When you can spot every bit of foreshadowing immediately though, when every loud jump is set up exactly as it is in every other movie, when you can correctly guess every scary thing that is about to happen, this can be seen as a problem.  These are popcorn horror movies, ones that rely entirely on their synopsis to be strong enough to have it play out in the most familiar, user-friendly way possible so your film trailer looks good and everyone can scream when they are expecting to.  This is a shame as the story itself here seems thoroughly deserving of a less stale, crowd-pleasing delivery.

2017 Horror Part Four

VERONICA
Dir - Carlos Algara/Alejandro Martinez-Beltran
Overall: GOOD

Two Spanish speaking horrory films with the same name being released the same year and both being on Netflix at the same time, one can easily get confused.  THIS Veronica was helmed by newcomers Carlos Algara and Alejandro Martinez-Beltran, (and written by Algara and Tomas Nepomuceno), and for first-time feature length movie makers, it is eloquently done.  Plot wise, it has a familiar enough premise and ultimately overexplains things too much, but the directors overcome all this with the deliberate style and mood they choose to invoke.  Presented in black and white with many slow motion shots and eerie cello noises on the soundtrack, it maintains a consistent, dire tone.  The cinematography by Miguel Angel Gonzalez Avila should very much be acclaimed as even when nothing particularly interesting is going on, it is still a joy to look at.  Like a good number of present-day, independent horror films, Veronica is minimalist what with one setting, a simple story, and basically only two actresses ever on screen.  All of which works to its benefit.

VERONICA
Dir - Paco Plaza
Overall: MEH

The OTHER Veronica is by Paco Plaza, (half of the writer/director team that brought us the outstanding first two [REC] films), but the results are hardly positive.  Horror fans are no strangers to preposterously overblown marketing hype as we have heard "scariest movie since The Exorcist" or "so terrifying that people are shitting their pants" nonsense whenever a movie gets a good publicity machine behind it.  Veronica's viral reputation was the talk of the town and most of us who know the game will be skeptical to say the least, which is not the movie's fault.   Every last detail and frame of it though could fit on a checklist of cliches.  To the popcorn horror fan who questions nothing they are presented with and simply loves getting the exact same emotions screamed out of them the exact same way, this film is a reliable choice for something to watch on "horror movie night".   Yet when you know each and every beat and every plot point reminds you of a thousand other such movies, it is rather easy to sleep at night afterwards and barely remember what you just watched.  Neither should particularly be the case and both are unfortunately where this one is concerned.

THE RITUAL
Dir - David Bruckner
Overall: MEH

David Bruckner was responsible for two strong segments in the anthology films Southbound and the first V/H/S, and there likewise is much that is strong about his latest The Ritual.  Commonly, (which is regretable in this and many other cases), horror movies stay on track for their first two acts and trip and fall down the stairs for the final third.  Based off Adam Nevill's 2011 novel of the same name, it ultimately becomes an examination of overcoming guilt, but none of the character-driven story elements are nearly as compelling as the really spooky ones.  Also, the characters themselves are different parts underdeveloped as they spend a liberal amount of time simply yelling the word "Fuck" at each other.  Bruckner though sure can concoct some wonderfully unearthly moments in his films.  In the simplest terms, the "payoff" here quickly unravels the exceptional amount of disturbing dread that came before it.  We end up seeing too much and knowing too much by the end credits, which makes many of the movie's other minor flaws appear more prominent.  Handled more ambiguously with less flat characters and perhaps some bolder chances taking with the narrative, this would have been closer to a triumph.  As is, it is definitely not an all-out success, but there is enough potential here to recommend investigating.

Hammer Horror - The Quatermass Series

THE QUATERMASS XPERIMENT
(1955)
Dir - Val Guest
Overall: MEH

Though certainly important in the whole of British horror movies and indisputably for Hammer Studios as its success sealed their fate in the horror genre for decades to come, The Quatermass Xperiment does not quite surpass its pacing issues.  Based and adapted off the BBC television serial by Nigel Kneale, it was a hit when released and two more direct sequels would proceed it, but the film itself is very tedious as it spends over half of its running time doing virtually nothing, with the first of any real turmoil only emerging in the third act.  Because we the viewer are fully aware before even watching that an alien lifeform has somehow overtaken the sole surviving astronaut Victor Carroon, (an effectively gaunt Richard Wordsworth), witnessing a bunch of scientists, doctors, and Scotland Yard inspectors endlessly speculate as to the specifics of why when ultimately it completely does not matter to the plot, it is honestly just a bore to sit through.  The only thing at all that transpires in Xperiment, (the "E" was omitted from the title to go along with the film's initial X rating, clever marketing there), is Carroon's transformation and ultimate demise.

QUATERMASS 2
(1957)
Dir - Val Guest
Overall: MEH

Following up 1955's profitable The Quatermass Xperiment with a bigger budget and once again utilizing director Val Guest and Brian Donlevy in the title role, Quatermass 2 suffers from similar ailments as its predecessor.  Original author Nigel Kneale was on board to write the initial script, which Val Guest compressed to fit into an under ninety-minute movie.  Kneale's similar complaints he made with the first adaptation in Donlevy's stiff performance were still present and to his defense said American actor is rather ineffective in the lead.  He generally just appears bossy and rather flatly delivers most of his lines.  The actual plot this time around is quite different from the first installment and sits right at home with both The Invasion of the Body Snatchers from the previous year and The X Files which of course would emerge decades later.  Once more though, the movie drags along and the story simply is not interesting or unique enough to make the deliberate, cinéma vérité style by Guest really work.  Still, this was notably enough at the time of its release, (even if it was grossly overshadowed financially by Hammer's The Curse of Frankenstein form the same year), but it has aged poorly and lacks the momentum to sustain its reputation as a renowned sci-fi conspiracy work.

QUATERMASS AND THE PIT
(1967)
Dir - Roy Ward Baker
Overall: GOOD

For the third and final cinematic go-around, things finally come together with Quatermass and the Pit.  Just as the others had been, this is another adaptation, this time after the BBC television serial of the same name that proceeded it by nearly a decade.  Though Columbia Pictures rejected making it as a direct follow-up to Quatermass 2, (with the same director/lead actor team of Val Guest and Brian Donlevy), this ended up being a beneficial setback as the recasting of Andrew Keir, (Dracula Prince of Darkness), is a major improvement.  Keir is eons more likeable as Professor Bernard Quatermass and Roy Ward Baker maintains a level of suspense that Val Guest never quite achieved with the earlier two movies in the franchise.  The story once again involving alien possession and the British government going out of their way to mislead the public is the strongest out of all Nigel Kneale's screenplays in the series and in many ways the most ambitious.  There are some adequately intense scenes that bring the film's horror elements more to the forefront than ever before and the minimal setting does not anchor the plot so much that it becomes tedious either.  As silly as it is to watch British officials continue to put numerous pedestrians and news personal in harms way while insisting everything is safe, these are forgivable logical jumps as the rest of the film succeeds as a heightened achievement in the genre.

60's Hammer Horror Part Five

THE SHADOW OF THE CAT
(1961)
Dir - John Gilling
Overall: MEH

This awful venture from the generally solid John Gilling, (The Plague of the Zombies, The Reptile), is so dull that one cannot truly justify having such strong, negative feelings towards it.  The entire premise for The Shadow of the Cat is especially stupid.  This is another unremarkable setup of a will being fought over by traitorous family members who all become absurdly convinced that a house cat must be destroyed at all costs because it knows they are all guilty.  Saying "at all costs", means that almost every minute of the movie is spent by them running, falling, and dying about like cartoon characters trying to chase and murder the stupid feline.  The fact that this is played straight most of the time is very confusing and downright aggravating after awhile.  Then adding to that is the fact that there is actually some unsuitable, comedic moments where the music gets all jovial during some of these cat hunting sequences, making it all the more perplexing as to what we are supposed to find funny and what we are supposed to take serious.  There literally is nothing more to the story than this and even at less than eight-minutes in length, it is a burden the entire time.

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
(1962)
Dir - Terence Fisher
Overall: MEH

The last "classic monster" remake to get an updated version from merry ole England's Hammer Studios via distribution from Universal in the U.S. who had produced the previous two versions, The Phantom of the Opera pulls off a few nifty tricks but climatically falls short.  The film's villain for one is not the Phantom at all but instead a nicely wretched Michael Gough.  This is not a problem in and of itself, but it is disappointing that Gough's Lord Ambrose gets virtually no comeuppance and there appears to be an entire scene missing where he satisfyingly comes to his end.  In the title role, Herbert Lom is far more sympathetic than vile which again is fine, but the character is also barely utilized throughout his own movie.  The final two minutes of the film in fact seem completely tagged on at random to bring his misfortune to a close and they are completely unsatisfying at doing so.  The liberties taken with the source materiel are to be expected and up until the disappointing finale, they could have really gone all the way in making this version something both unique and remarkable.  Instead, it is a bit of a hodgepodge that leaves a few gaps, fills up too much time away from the main plight of the Phantom, and has a forced, sloppy ending to make the film tragic in an unintended way.  Which is to say "tragic" in that it nearly managed something much more favorable.

THE OLD DARK HOUSE
(1963)
Dir - William Castle
Overall: MEH

In his only collaboration with Hammer Studios, gimmick extraordinaire William Castle's remake of The Old Dark House is closer to being a dud all around than anything else.  Compared to James Whale's superb original or many of Castle's other notable entries such as House on Haunted Hill, The Tingler, or 13 Ghosts at least, it is quite forgettable.  In fact, calling it a remake at all is misleading in that it has absolutely nothing to do with 1932 version and besides the family being named Femm, it could have and probably should have been its own cinematic entity.  There are some familiar genre faces such as Robert Morely, (Theatre of Blood), Janette Scott, (The Day of the Triffids), and Mervyn Johns, (Dead of Night), but the slapstick heavy presentation and kind of lazy who-done-it plot grows a bit irksome.  The mystery is highly predictable though admittingly, the movie is far more interested in its silly elements than keeping the viewer on the edge of their seat.  There are a handful of chuckles to be found though mostly, the combination of familiarity with other film's of its kind including some of Castle's own work, (particularly with the once again far, far superior House on Haunted Hill), does not really make anything happening here all that engaging.

60's Hammer Horror Part Four

THE CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF
(1961)
Dir - Terence Fisher
Overall: MEH

Hammer's most disappointing "classic" monster revamp is easily their sole lycanthropian entry The Curse of the Werewolf.  Barely based off the novel The Werewolf of Paris and acting as the first staring role for Oliver Reed as the ill-fated Leon Corledo, the film drops the ball with less than ten minutes of a werewolf screen time  When we do finally get to see Reed transform into an exceptionally make-uped beast, he quickly kills two people partly in silhouette and then bounces on several roof tops until getting shot.  Spoilers but be warned, you get the least bang for your buck far as werewolf films go with this one.  Reed for his part is very Oliver Reedy even this early on as he often looks so tense that his body could believably explode at any second.  The movie is broken up into several acts that do nothing to heighten any tension whatsoever as Leon's doom could not possibly be more preordained.  His curse is quite literal having been conceived from a rape, born on Christmas Day which in this universe is pure tragedy, given a "cure" of constant love and affection, and then of course falling for the one woman he cannot possibly have.  The story skews many of the werewolf myth trademarks yes, but by playing by its own rules instead, it is in effect even more predictable.  It really just ends up being a bummer with some great werewolf makeup making the smallest possible appearance.

PARANOIAC
(1963)
Dir - Freddie Francis
Overall: GOOD

Not without its share of flaws, Paranoiac at the very least is enjoyable as a twisty-turvy bit of fun.  Hammer Studios mainstay and future director Jimmy Sangster authored the false identity, madness laced script, with the mighty resumed Freddie Francis, (Dr. Terror's House of Horrors, Tales from the Crypt, cinematographer on The Innocents, The Elephant Man, and Glory), working his competence behind the lens.  Though things take a bit too long to get going, you cannot say that the film does not surprise at numerous instances, which is really what all mystery/thrillers are expected to do.  The details of the plot though are a bit absurd and plausibility is stretched pretty much to a breaking point.  Dramatically crazy characters behaving questionably is one thing, but the comparatively "normal" ones act just as dubious from a motivation standpoint, all of which makes you question more things than you should.  Though in this case, these elements rather augment the fun.  Back at it again, Oliver Reed overacts his manly heart out and it is hard not to chuckle at his overtly grand physical outbursts whether we are supposed to or not.  Thus can be said about the entirety of the movie really.

THE LOST CONTINENT
(1968)
Dir - Michael Carreras
Overall: MEH

Written and directed by Michael Carreras, (Slave Girls, The Curse of the Mummy's Tomb), and based off Dennis Wheatley's Uncharted Seas, The Lost Continent fulfills very little of its on-paper potential.  Sure there are giant, silly looking monsters, a few nasty deaths, and even some patented Hammer cleavage, but these moments are grossly few and far between.  In fact the very first of said monsters shows up an hour into the film.  That is one whole hour folks of people on a boat arguing with each other, then abandoning ship to argue some more, then getting back on there to continue the arguing.  A crop of characters leave the movie about a half hour in, never to be seen again, a couple more die before much at all interesting happens, and then more are introduced so late in the film that it becomes futile to care about any of them.  The actual story is completely meaningless as the very few story arcs go absolutely nowhere and in the end, everybody we have been spending time with for so long ends up just shooting and sword fighting with a bunch of people that are barely given any screen time themselves.  The film ends up not being able to fill its running time with nearly enough of its main attractions, instead going for the most boring, inconsequential storytelling.  This is a shame as some of the design work and set pieces brought in way near the last act assuredly deserved far more attention.

Hammer Horror - Cave Girl Series

ONE MILLION YEARS B.C.
(1966)
Dir - Don Chaffey
Overall: MEH

Remaking the 1940 One Million B.C. basically provided Hammer Studios with two things.  One, to hire Ray Harryhousen to do the effects which for the time are as excellent as any and two, to put Raquel Welch in a fur bikini to give people something to look at while the dinosaurs are not on screen.  As far as anything else even surface level compelling to be found, there is indeed zilch.  Ursula Andress was first offered the role that went on to make Welch a household name, but she declined/wanted too much money and was probably better off for doing so.  Today, One Million Years B.C. is mostly seen simply as a star-making movie for Welch as Harryhousen has done more iconic work in Clash of the Titans, The Golden Voyage of Sinbad, and Jason and the Argonauts to name a few.  It is virtually impossible to become engrossed in anything resembling a "story" going on here as completely indistinguishable, tanned, Caucasian cave people just grunt, fight, and walk around, only occasionally interrupted by real and stop-motion created monsters fighting and Raquel Welch swimming.  Thankfully though, the US released version of the film cuts nine minutes to get it over with that much quicker.

PREHISTORIC WOMEN
(1967)
Dir - Michael Carreras
Overall: MEH

Though it was much less financially successful than the previous year's One Million Years B.C., the sort-of follow-up Prehistoric Women at least has dialog and a story, be it a rather elaborate one at that.  Forgoing stop-motion monsters for a pretty lame mechanical rhinoceros, Prehistoric Women, (Slave Girls in its native UK), also swapped Raquel Welch for Bond girl Martine Beswick who has the most scenery chewing part in the film as a former slave turned cruel bad lady queen.  The script is full of silliness like legends and prophesies being fulfilled, people who do not even know each other falling in love, and most of the characters doing either absolutely nothing to help their predicament or the most illogical things at the most inopportune times.  Michael Latimer is pretty stiff in the dashing hero lead, but the attempt to switch the roles around and have women enslave men and not succumb to their manly wills gives the movie a deliberate feminist point of view that is not wholly unsuccessful.  At the same time though, these brunette women also enslave blonde women for some reason and all of them are scantily clad and partake in sensual tribal dancing for no other reason that to provide as much sex appeal to an audience as possible.  The twist at the end works well enough yes, but the film as a whole ends up being rather forgettable.

WHEN DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH
(1970)
Dir - Val Guest
Overall: MEH

The third in Hammer's "Cave girl" series, When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth is so exactly the same as the One Million Years B.C. remake that it is staggeringly unnecessary to exist in the first place.  This is coming from a company that made eight goddamn Dracula sequels.  It is an interesting and more "realistic" idea to have all of the dialog be a made-up speak, but for the cavemen and cavewomen to point, fight, chase each other, and then repeat once again for ninety-minutes while only saying about five fictional words, you are practically daring your audience to not lose interest.  It is easy to get so bored that one cannot even keep track of who anybody is since all these white, tanned, greasy, scantily clad humans are practically doppelgangers of one another.  The appeal to this sub-genre is questionable to be sure yet that said, a fan of stop-motion animation can certainly enjoy the actual dinosaurs which are very well done for the period.  They have only aged moderately poorly as shots of a giant rubber fin crushing a man are a little too Doctor Who worthy to not laugh at.

CREATURES THE WORLD FORGOT
(1971)
Dir - Don Chaffey
Overall: MEH

Hammer concluded their run of Stone Age men and women running about, dancing behavior style films with the very evasively titled Creatures the World Forgot.  This is to say that the most furious beasts present are real life snakes and boars as no giant, stop-motion behemoths are anywhere to be seen.  On this hand, this is the only movie in the series that can be argued as being historically believable, but by taking the chance of making it compelling for ninety minutes based solely on grimy, barely if at all clothed, blonde and brunette cave people fighting with one another, it completely fails on an entertainment level.  Once again there is no dialog and even less grunts to help convey what is happening than usual, but there is a story that is as simple to follow as they come which only just keeps the film from being nothing more than documentary level reenactments.  That said, it is far less fun to watch than most educational programs would be since at least in those we get some narration to teach us the ways of the primitive man.  Here though, yeah we get to see some of the methods that they hunted and survived in the desert as well as some artistically licensed rituals, but with so very little to keep you invested, the movie cannot end fast enough.

70's Hammer Horror Part Four

CRESCENDO
(1970)
Dir - Alan Gibson
Overall: MEH

Screenwriter/occasional director Jimmy Sangster rewrote Alfred Shaughnessy's script for Crescendo, which was originally aimed to star Joan Crawford until that idea was eventually given up upon as the film never garnished the budget to afford her.  As far as Hammer's lesser know thrillers go, this one understandably is such a thing.  The script is a little disorganized and the twist offers up far more questions than answers, though not in any good, thought-provoking way.  James Olson, (who is American even though his mother here is English and the setting is in France so, yeah), is a bit ineffective in the lead as he occasionally appears both wooden and even a little late on some of his lines.  Alan Gibson, (who would go on to direct two later era Hammer Dracula installments), tries his best to make the rather subpar story more engaging than it is, actually keeping the confusing specifics of the final reveal rather well hidden.  Yet the whole of Crescendo feels stretched since there is not enough meat in the plot to really keep one properly invested.  Perhaps a bit more of Hammer's star power, (though to be fair, there is no place for Peter Cushing or Christopher Lee here), or more nasty kill scenes could have helped, but even then, it would still probably be as mediocre as it is.

DEMONS OF THE MIND
(1972)
Dir - Peter Sykes
Overall: MEH

One of the last Gothic horror outings from Hammer Studios, Demons of the Mind is pretty unremarkable.  Christopher Wicking wrote many other mediocre to good screenplays in the horror field such as The Oblong Box, Scream and Scream Again, and To the Devil A Daughter, and his work here based off a story by producer Frank Godwin only really picks up some steam in the last five minutes.  Even then, the brutal, hysteria-fueled murder by, (of course), an angry mob is rather wasted as it would have been far better suited for one of Hammer's five-hundred odd vampire films instead.  Everything else before the final showdown in here is both dull and messy.  The main story involving a crazy Barron and an eccentric doctor, (A Clockwork Orange's Patrick Magee), trying to save/in-turn make worse his crazy children is straight-forward enough, but everything that goes on in the woods and village outside of their castle is muddled at best, distracting at worse.  Also, hardly anything diabolical happens for large periods of time, making it very easy to tune out and get even more confused as well as even less interested along the way.  Sadly, it seemed like Hammer was running out of steam to make these all-too-similar excursions work, making it no wonder that they wrapped it up by decade's end.

STRAIGHT ON TILL MORNING
(1972)
Dir - Peter Collinson
Overall: GOOD

This contemporary-set, Hammer thriller remains quite under the radar, much overshadowed by the studio's more renowned and popular Gothic horror films and even many of their adventure-laced ones.  Yet Straight On till Morning deserves a further look.  At first, Peter Collinson's bizarre direction seems positively annoying as it cannot linger on a single scene long enough not to bounce endlessly around to other characters and flashbacks.  By the second act though, this odd editing choice settles down and the movie really begins to get interesting.  By the last effectively unnerving moments, all the back-and-forth dancing around from the editing chair actually begins to enhance the strange, disturbing experience.  In the two leads, the very homely Rita Tushingham, (Dr. Zhivago), and very handsomely pretty Shane Briant, (the previously reviewed Demons of the Mind), are perfect as quite different, yet very curious individuals who very unhealthily become clinged to each other.  This is also one of those movies where the character's peculiar behavior appears realistic on its own terms as it is very successfully conveyed how unusual they truly are.  It is ultimately a film that appears too jarring at first but very much pays off, with a certifiably distressing ending that is often a rarity in and of itself.

Amicus Anthology Horror

TORTURE GARDEN
(1967)
Dir - Freddie Francis
Overall: GOOD

The first of three Amicus anthology films to be written by Psycho novelist Robert Bloch and the second of three to be directed by Freddie Francis, Torture Garden is a typically solid entry for both, even if it by default ends up being the least solid of the seven such productions from the studio.  Though Peter Cushing is only used in a bit part and Christopher Lee was swapped for Burgess Meredith and Jack Palance due to Columbia Pictures insisting upon more Americans in the cast, neither of these things is a hindrance.  Right in the middle of maintaining his now iconic roll as The Penguin on Batman and even busting out that trademark cigarette holder, Meredith is pitch perfect as the linking segment host Dr. Diabolo, (wonder who that could actually be), and Jack Palance is highly amusing as he slips in and out of a fake British accent and displays a consistent smirk while smoking his pipe and feverishly fanboying himself over Edgar Allan Poe.  The two female centered stories are less strong than the opening and closing ones involving a demon cat, then Poe and the occult, but the killer piano does warrant a decent chuckle.  The only thing one could say that Torture Garden is lacking is perhaps a little more suspense and flare to the individual stories, but they each deliver in their ghastliness all the same.

ASYLUM
(1972)
Dir - Roy Ward Baker
Overall: GOOD

Still on a roll with the fifth in their anthology series, Asylum was the first to be helmed by known Hammer director Roy Ward Baker, who would also go on to do Amicus' The Vault of Horror and And Now the Screaming Starts!.  Returning once again was Peter Cushing in a minor role and writer Robert Bloch who adapted several of his own short stories.  The results are typically satisfactory.  If one had to choose, the least great entry would be "Lucy Comes to Stay", which is too on the nose to provide any real shocks.  Elsewhere though, they are all excellent with a black magic-laced, glowing suite, a severed body that seeks revenge, and some killer toys.  The latter is certainly in the realm of silly with some adorable, mechanical wind up toys with human heads that are meant to appear menacing, but it is also rather fun and befitting to the campy nature of these films as a whole.  Though virtually all the would-be twists are elementary to spot pretty far away, the framing narrative that takes place in, (you guessed it), an insane asylum is also a hoot, further given a sufficiently inciting mystery of its own for us and the main protagonist Dr. Martin, (Robert Powell from The Asphyx), to uncover.

TALES FROM THE CRYPT

(1972)

Dir - Freddie Francis

Overall: GREAT

Probably the most popular of Amicus' seven horror anthologies was their first to be based off of EC comics in Tales from the Crypt.  The follow up The Vault of Horror came the next year and had a virtually identical framework, though the character of the Crypt Keeper, (played here by stage actor Sir Ralph Richardson), was omitted.  Only two of the stories actually come from the comic that the movie is named after, with two more from EC's sister titles The Haunt of Fear and one from The Vault of Horror.  All of them are solid though, with the opening "...And All Through the House" also serving as the second ever episode of the television series that would debut on HBO seventeen years later.  "Wish You Were Here" is a solid "Monkey's Paw" reworking and "Reflection of Death" has a Twilight Zone-esque twist and some brief though ghoulish makeup effects.  Same goes for the Peter Cushing-starred entry "Poetic Justice" and the closer "Blind Alley's offers up the most satisfying comeuppance set piece out of the bunch.  As was usual for these Amicus productions, the contemporary setting does nothing to deflate the eerie atmosphere and director Freddie Francis and the entire cast do top notch work all around.

 

FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE
(1974)
Dir - Kevin Connor
Overall: GREAT

Future Motel Hell director Kevin Connor's debut was the final installment in the Amicus anthology series From Beyond the Grave and it is a mighty strong one.  Just as he did for the very first outing Dr. Terror's House of Horrors, Peter Cushing hosts the framing segments here as well, this time as an antique shop owner who through some diabolical trickery manages to curse anyone who is dishonest and thrifty with him.  The best of the bunch involves the antiques themselves wrecking havoc for their new owners, first a mirror that hosts a vampire and the second a door made of blood that houses an evil blue room.  The segment involving Donald Pleasence and his real life daughter goes on perhaps a bit too long, but certainly comes through with a macabre enough ending.  Often but not always, there is one story in each of these films that acts as the overtly humorous one and "The Elemental" is a splendid joy to watch Margaret Leighton's Madam Orloff dramatically sing an invisible, shoulder mounted demon away.  The spooky atmosphere throughout all of From Beyond the Grave is maintained, even when it delves right into comical terrain as the cast that is not wonderfully hamming it up continues to play it straight.  There really is not a weak entry in the whole of Amicus' horror output, particularly where the anthology films were concerned and the last offering in it is as classy, controlled, and fun as any in the batch.

70's Blaxsploitation Horror Part Two

SCREAM BLACULA SCREAM
(1973)
Dir - Bob Kelljan
Overall: GOOD

Though certainly not without its glitches, Scream Blacula Scream ends up being as strong if not perhaps even slightly superior to the film it is a sequel to.  It slags a bit here or there and Pam Grier is rather wasted with very little to do as the good spirited, voodoo cult leader, but William Marshall is more solid as the undead title character and there are some actually well done creepy scenes.  It is typical horror movie script laziness that vampires can in some instances become quite stealthy and strike at inhuman speeds only to barely move while staring with their mouths wide open at people successfully picking them off in others.  Also, why would vampires just conveniently hide in closets just to make the audience jump at their emergence?  The answer being to make the audience jump at their emergence.  Still, every vampiric moment no matter how illogical in Scream Blacula Scream successfully pulls off an eerie mood.  The melding of voodoo and vampires is also a beautiful match and no one can complain that the film does not supply enough adjustments to the undead mythos.  The final segment involving a vampire cleansing ritual really delivers in this regard, with Marshall efficiently conveying the tortured and sympathetic nature of his once noble African Prince turned blood crazed monster.

BLACKENSTEIN
(1973)
Dir - William A. Levey
Overall: WOOF

It may be unfair to call Blackenstein the absolute worst Frankenstein film ever made, but it is a serious contender if ever there was one.  As it showcases an almost perfect amount of ineptitude, it explains a whole lot that the movie was written and produced by one Frank R. Saletri, a criminal lawyer who wanted to make it in Hollywood and thankfully failed.  Joe De Sue is the worst actor, (period?), to ever play any form of Frankenstein's monster, yet to be fair, he is not an actor at all but simply a client of said movie maker/lawyer hack.  Worry not though, the "acting" from top to bottom is thoroughly insufficient, as is the cinematography, editing, direction, and everything else.  Also the music is all stock and usually appears randomly during the most incorrect times.  Going into detail about how asinine the script is would take more paragraphs than the movie deserves, but it is as moronic as you would expect.  Frankenstein monster man magically grows a Boris Karloff style suite to go along with his hair, he is moved to a cell for no reason when he is still a patient, he walks like he is blind with his arms outstretched because Frankenstein, he conveniently sleeps all day and only gets up at night because vampires too I guess, he deliberately goes out of his way to murder someone he knows first before then haphazardly killing and eating the intestines of anyone he meets after that, and bullets do nothing to him yet a couple of dogs end up biting him to death with zero difficulty.  These elements are all easy to laugh at, but good lord is the movie surrounding them catastrophically boring, with minutes upon minutes of nothing more exciting happening than watching people walk/sit around to the wrong musical accompaniment.

DR. BLACK, MR. HYDE
(1976)
Dir - William Crain
Overall: MEH

Out of all the blaxploitation horror outings produced in the 70's, Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde has the most prominent racial themes present.  The title character literally transforms from a generous and respected black doctor into a superhuman, white ape like brute who finds his end in a final set piece that unmistakably references King Kong.  With such obvious themes, it is easy to get caught up in them while ignoring some of the just-as-noticeable problems the film has.  Its pacing is dreadful and similar to many Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde interpretations, (though this one barely qualifies), it becomes very tedious to just watch the main character bounce back between his "good" and "bad" sides for about ninety-minutes until the movie determines that we have had enough and spins the credits.  For his role as Dr. Pride, (Jekyll), Bernie Casey is the best part of the movie, playing the duel character as convincingly as anyone ever has.  Unfortunately, his entire motivation for transforming himself is rather thin and he does some pretty morally unwholesome things even without the white-ape monster juice coursing through his veins.  Yet being a textbook blaxploitation film, there are plenty of scenes of pimps and hos smacking each other around and starting shit with the cops and for the most part these attempts at humor work with some memorable dialog here and there.