70s British Horror Shorts - A Ghost Story for Christmas Part One

THE STALLS OF BARCHESTER
(1971)
Dir - Lawrence Gordon Clark
Overall: GOOD

A Ghost Story form Christmas was an annual BBC One strand of short films that all aired during the week of Christmas, representing a sort of cinematic version of the tradition of telling such supernatural tales around the holidays. The first official entry to belong to the series, (though other similar works had been done before, most notably 1968's, M.R. James' Whistle and I'll Come for You as part of the Omnibus series), was The Stalls of Barchester, likewise an adaptation of one of M.R. James literary works.  All but one Ghost Story were expertly directed by Lawrence Gordon Clark and Barchester is no exception in quality.  Though it perhaps spends a little too leisurely of a time fleshing itself out, (unlike others in the series which were pretty compact), it delivers superbly with hair-raising chills that both spring up in a sudden fashion and other times emerge rather tranquilly.  Some of the other James stories that were later adapted for the program were a bit more engaging, (the main protagonist here is somewhat underwritten, making it difficult to perhaps sympathize with him if we are even supposed to), but there is still a satisfying level of ambiguity where far more is alluded to than not.

A WARNING TO THE CURIOUS
(1972)
Dir - Lawrence Gordon Clark
Overall: GREAT

The second M.R. James reworking done officially for the annual A Ghost Story for Christmas program on BBC One was A Warning to the Curious, which still might be the series' most celebrated along with The Signalman from four years later.  Bringing back The Stalls of Barchester character Dr. Black to perhaps link the two, (though all future entries were presented more as stand-alones), this one also stars Peter Vaughan, (Fanatic, Brazil, Game of Thrones), as the main protagonist Mr. Paxton who was substantially changed from the source material version where he was a much younger man that accidentally stumbles upon what Vaughan's character deliberately seeks out.  Director Lawrence Gordon Clark once again creates a fantastically slow, spooky mood.  The supernatural elements are calmly suggested for most of the running time so that when they do become more blatant, they are positively chilling, nearly making you jump without resembling any moronic "boo scares" tactics in the slightest.  The story may not be equipped with any twists, but it is handled so expertly that the predictability of it is hardly a problem.  This stands as one of the most successfully atmospheric horror films ever made for television.

LOST HEARTS
(1973)
Dir - Lawrence Gordon Clark
Overall: GREAT

Still consistently excellent and questionably the most macabre and actually scary entry in the A Ghost Story for Christmas series was the third of them, Lost Hearts.  It may be because it revolves around a soon-to-be twelve-year old boy cooped up in a weird castle with his exponentially weird, far older cousin who seems to be gleefully obsessed with alchemy, astrology, and Satan knows what else.  Because after all, children getting spooked out of their wits generally seems to resonate most with many a viewer.  On that note, Lost Hearts uses the "creepy kids" horror gimmick better than most and there are a number of wonderful moments here that are borderline terrifying even if they still follow the same kind of ghost story logic of specters doing things that are certainly unnerving yet illogical at the same time.  Irish-born actor and playwright Joseph O'Conor is marvelous as the eccentric Mr. Abney and his childlike buoyancy makes the later plot reveal that much more ghoulish.  Throw in some positively creepy hurdy-gurdy music and long fingernails as well and you really cannot lose.

THE TREASURE OF ABBOT THOMAS
(1974)
Dir - Lawrence Gordon Clark
Overall: GREAT

Another very solid M.R. James adaptation, The Treasure of Abbot Thomas changes around a number of characters from the source material, removing some and adding others as well as switching the location from Germany to England and substantially tweaking the ending.  The latter detail is for the better as the last several minutes here are the strongest and director Lawrence Gordon Clark does marvelous work keeping it perplexingly creepy long after it is all over.  A number of later horror films such as The Church, The Borderlands, and As Above, So Below to name a few bare similarities to the premise here as people unlock ancient messages in search of some sort of hidden reward in or around a church or burial area.  As one of the shorter entries in the A Ghost Story for Christmas series, some may find that Treasure feels a bit rushed while others could argue that it refreshingly trims all of the fat and therefor delivers a more chilling result due to how quickly it is wrapped up.  The latter sentiment is one that is quite difficult to argue with.

70's Boris Karloff

CAULDRON OF BLOOD
(1970)
Dir - Edward Mann/Santos Alcocer
Overall: MEH

There are a few redeeming qualities to the still greatly flawed Cauldron of Blood, (El Coleccionista de Cadaveres), one of the last films Boris Karloff shot, though it was not released until three years later.  Filmed in Spain with an international cast, Karloff is wisely undubbed at least and though the well-renowned actor is clearly worn down as he was in all of his later films, (he is usually either sitting down or using a cane), he does bring a level of class to what is essentially cheaply made, Euro-exploitation fodder.  The lazy script is not anything to impress as it is a rehash of other "artist uses human bodies for art" movies, full of the same cliches, and worse yet it does not make any amount of sense, using a "yeah whatever, just have them murder people" plot devise.  That said, the dialog is rather clever at times and the performances stray away from overt camp, sans a few exceptions such as one of them who gets a completely unexplained backstory of getting abused or something as a child maybe?  Yet directors Edward Mann and Santos Alcocer fill the movie with a few random visual flourishes such as psychedelic dream scenes and some gruesome, giallo-style murders.  There is not enough of these moments though and the mood still never becomes as ghoulishly engaging as it should be to elevate the unremarkable material they are working with.

ISLE OF THE SNAKE PEOPLE
(1971)
Dir - Juan Ibáñez/Jack Hill
Overall: MEH

Compared to the other three Mexican/American productions that served as Boris Karloff's cinematic swansongs, the only complaint besides being a rather bad movie overall of course with Isle of the Snake People, (La muerte viviente, Cult of the Dead, and Snake People in other countries), is that it is a bit too slow for its own weird, schlocky good.  There is a twist in this one which anyone with half an IQ point can spot almost as soon as the movie begins and the plot is another vague conglomerate of past movie voodoo rituals that we have all seen plenty of times before and since.  Credit where it is due though that is not saying much, but this is the least inane script out of the bunch, (House of Evil, Fear Chamber, and The Incredible Invasion being the others), and a lot of the horrory set pieces would have actually come off as rather creepy if most of them did not overstay their welcome by dragging out for too long.  Still, a guy resurrecting a zombie and then making out with it, nightmares of a woman also making out with her own doppelganger as well as a snake, and a horde of zombie ladies presumably eating a few people to death, (though this is shown in un-gory detail), are at least more striking than one would expect from such a low-cost, drive-in romp such as this.

THE INCREDIBLE INVASION
(1971)
Dir - Juan Ibáñez/Jack Hill
Overall: MEH

Another poor, semi-mash-up that combines visitors from outerspace with scientists doing scientist things and a sadomasochistic, women-murdering brute with angry villagers after him was Boris Karloff's very final film The Incredible Invasion.  All of these collaborations that the actor did with Mexican producer Louis Enrique Vergara and American director Jack Hill were pretty lousy and this one is no exception.  The story is asinine and the filmmakers once again forgo the common courtesy to try and rationally explain anything that is going on.  Because of this, we are either left laughing at all of it or worse, getting impatiently bored.  There is a, (very), few instances where The Incredible Invasion is rather nice to look at with some fog-laden, Bave-esque colorful sets and clever camera angles, but besides that and Karloff being charming as always, the film is a dull mess.  It is not as ridiculous as say Fear Chamber nor as forgettable as House of Evil, but it just kind of falls in the middle where not enough is "so bad it's funny" and too much is just dumb.  This makes it a pretty lackluster way for Karloff to end his career truth be told, but thankfully the man's legacy was in pretty solid shape at the time of his death anyway so all is forgiven.

60's Boris Karloff Part Four

THE GHOST IN THE INVISIBLE BIKINI
(1966)
Dir - Don Weis
Overall: MEH

The final installment in American International's ridiculous Beach Party series, (though they had to merely settle for a swimming pool here), was The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini which was the only one to be half horror.  Boris Karloff and Susan Hart, (wife of James H. Nicholson) were added after the movie was completed to give it an even more convoluted plot, one which was already as juvenile and enormously stupid as it gets.  This was nothing new to these films though which all featured random, terrible songs, scantily-clad women, young, tanned white people partying, a motorcycle gang for no reason, and non-stop, bottom of the barrel slapstick humor that is rarely if at all funny.  All of this is present here and thankfully the filmmakers have the good sense to treat it as preposterously as it deserves.  While this makes it more groan-worthy than anything and something to make fun of at best, the horror angle saves it from being completely forgettable.  Under various directors, (primarily Roger Corman), AIP still generally produced wonderfully fun, spooky sets and visuals.  On that note, there is a fog laden cemetery and a haunted house with a "chamber of horrors" torture chamber hidden in it that get an adequate amount of screen time here.  Basil Rathbone and Boris Karloff being on board is likewise wonderful, particularly the former who gets to indulge in physical comedy for a change.

FEAR CHAMBER
(1968)
Dir - Juan Ibáñez/Jack Hill
Overall: MEH

The first released of four Mexican/American co-productions that Boris Karloff starred in just before his death was Fear Chamber which is probably the most absurd movie the legendary horror icon was ever in.  The plot, (if you can call it that), so desperately tries to combine cliched sci-fi elements like mutated life forms and scientists conducting the vaguest of experiments while using giant computers and analyzing data, all with random nudity, sadism, and even occultism kinda not really thrown into the mix.  The disastrous result is pretty consistently hilarious as the film jumps wildly all over the place when it is not settling down for actors to dub some of the most shockingly asinine dialog in the most shockingly bad of ways.  One lumbering ogre of a lab assistant spends the last twenty or so minutes of the movie manically ranting about how much he loves diamonds and is "king of the world" and it gets more embarrassingly stupid from there.  Elsewhere, this may have the most pointless nude scene in all of cinema and even more moronically, practically none of the characters are kept in check, illogically behaving completely different at a moment's notice which includes randomly killing people at times.  It is nonsense from top to bottom yet kind of a hoot because of it.  Also, an early scene where we get to see Karloff baptize women in the name of Satan is just wonderful.

HOUSE OF EVIL
(1968)
Dir - Juan Ibáñez/Jack Hill
Overall: MEH

It is on the one hand admirable that Boris Karloff kept working up until the very end of his days but on the other, the rather abysmal and last to be released while he was alive House of Evil, (aka Dance of Death), was hardly a necessary movie to make.  As part of his four picture deal with Mexican producer Luis Enrique Vergara, Karloff's scenes here were filmed all at once by American exploitation director Jack Hill and the veteran actor was quite ill while suffering from emphysema at the time.  Whatever the particular reason, Karloff is more hammy here than usual, over-dramatizing much of his lines and mannerisms though not necessarily to a fault.  That lies on the shoulders of everything else going on.  The dubbing is typically horrendous and nearly derails the film on its own, but the cinematography is also atrocious where a frequent number of scenes play out virtually in pitch blackness.  The story though, (credited sort of barely to the work by Edgar Allan Poe), is a stupid mess where a family full of people we do not care about are invited to get Karloff's Matthias Morteval's fortune and then for some reason animated toys/people dressed up as toys try and kill them or something.

60's Hammer Horror Part Seven

TASTE OF FEAR
(1961)
Dir - Seth Holt
Overall: GOOD

Well-regarded director Seth Holt made only a handful of films before dying suddenly at the age of forty-eight and the one that Christopher Lee himself considered "the best film that I was in that Hammer ever made" was the topsy tervy thriller Taste of Fear, (Scream of Fear in the US since the word "Taste" was not tasteful enough, har, har).  While Lee's generous praise is not necessarily agreed upon by many, Taste is indeed well done from the director's chair.  The twists in Jimmy Sangster's script hit hard due to how methodically Holt plays with the audience's expectations.  Cliches such as doctors giving out sedatives to women who have over-active imaginations when we the viewer know damn well that there is nothing psychological going on at all can very easily be tiresome to endlessly sit through with so many similar films.  Holt makes these standard plot devices work in spite of themselves though and even the ending which goes off the rails with double and triple crosses, truly exposing the crater-sized holes in the script, still manages to pack quite a wallop.  While the whole movie may appear to come apart if you think about the story too much, it cannot be argued that it does not do exactly what the best suspense films are supposed to do, at least while you are watching it.

FANATIC
(1965)
Dir - Silvio Narizzano
Overall: MEH

Taking on the similar ingredients that Pete Walker would more relentlessly explore the following decade, (namely an old crone/religious lunatic kidnapping and tormenting a young woman to "cleanse her soul"), Silvio Narizzano's theatrical debut Fanatic also doubles as the final film appearance for Tallulah Bankhead's, (Alfred Hitchcock's Lifeboat).  The wildly prolific and even more wildly consistent screenwriter Richard Matheson was on hand as well and his script is brimful of manic, biblical dogma for Bankhead to just as manically dive into.  The film and particularly Bankhead's performance are over the top in many places they should be, but the overall tone is way off.  The frequent comedic touches, (whether with inappropriate musical cues or jokey lines of dialog), jive rather poorly with the serious and horrifying plight of a woman held against her will while being helplessly tortured.  Matheson's script unfortunately is also rather formulaic and riddled with inconsistencies involving some of the sloppily-written secondary characters as well as showing us more than a handful of moments where Patricia, (Stefanie Powers), could have easily escaped.  Some might be amused to see Donald Sutherland as a dim-witted handyman though.

THE MUMMY'S SHROUD
(1967)
Dir - John Gilling
Overall: MEH

What could be seen as the weakest in Hammer's Mummy series was the third entry The Mummy's Shroud.  Though it is both directed and co-scripted by John Gilling who was hot off of the one-two punch of the extraordinary The Plague of the Zombies and The Reptile, Shroud is generic in nearly every possible way.  The film is unable to resist the urge to recycle the same plot, (again), from the previous two films not to mention several Universals a few decades prior.  It is yet another run-through of a mummy who comes back from the dead due to some fanatical ancestor to act out a curse on those who desecrating its grave.  Because of this, the story could not be more boring, having seen it so many times before.  Worse yet, Gilling cannot muster enough gruesome or spooky set pieces to spice it up.  Roger Delgado is always a treat and he is perfectly suited to play the vengeful Egyptian pulling all of the strings, yet again though, there is a character like him in all of these movies so he is still rather stock.  Worse yet, the mummy itself, (played by Christopher Lee's regular stunt double Eddie Powell), is pretty lame looking, but to be fair, his demise is the one visually striking image in the whole movie as he crumbles into a powdered skeleton before our eyes.  Unfortunately, that one pleasantry does not happen until the last minute and a half of the movie.

60's Hammer Horror Part Six

THE TERROR OF THE TONGS
(1961)
Dir - Anthony Bushell
Overall: MEH

A step down from the film that it is essentially a remake of, (down to re-casting Doctor Who's The Master Roger Delgado once again as a right-hand, evil second in command), The Terror of the Tongs is The Stranglers of Bombay just in a different country.  Once again being a Hammer production and switching from India to China of course means having lots of English actors in yellow face.  Also unfortunately, Jimmy Sangster's script, while campy and fun, is still dated and just as politically incorrect to Chinese culture.  This makes it pretty similar to the Fu Manchu series which also depicted the Chinese as either terrified peasants or mindless henchmen, all addicted to opium, money, and scantily clad women in equal amounts.  Speaking of Fu Manchu, Christopher Lee of course is on hand to essentially play the exact same character and though the offensive make-up is unintentionally goofy, Lee still could not be an ineffective villain if he tried, making him just as solid here as in any of his multitude of bad guy roles.  Elsewhere, the movie is occasionally fun, but it still goes through the motions in recycling the plot from Bombay which becomes increasingly impossible not to compare it to.  Even with Lee here, it is an inferior effort overall.

THE CURSE OF THE MUMMY'S TOMB
(1964)
Dir - Michael Carreras
Overall: MEH

A bit embarrassingly silly at times and downright boring in others, Michael Carreras' written, (under the pen name Henry Younger), produced, and directed The Curse of the Mummy's Tomb still ends up being above mildly entertaining at times.  A sequel to Hammer's 1959 The Mummy only in the fact that it features such a monster, (and maybe because George Pastell returns, even though he plays a different character), Mummy's Tomb tells virtually the same story of a cursed Egyptian expedition and a resurrected son of a Pharaoh who is getting controlled by someone.  There is a stronger emphasis on humor, particularly with American character actor Fred Clark as a charming yet sleazy showbiz promoter.  Carreras, (who mostly worked as a producer on a number of Hammer outings), stages some unique, music-less monster movie moments for the day that deserve some props, but he also waits until there are only about thirty-minutes left in the movie to unveil his title monster.  In the meantime, it is the common complaint of "too much talking, too little horror".  Even though the mystery is pleasantly resolved, the ending falls apart rather cartoonishly with a hysterical woman simply standing motionless as a slooooooooow mummy pursuers her and then said mummy pulls a string and rocks fall on him.  Preeeetty lame Milhouse.

HYSTERIA
(1965)
Dir - Freddie Francis
Overall: MEH

Freddie Francis' follow-up to arguably the finest Amicus anthology horror production Dr. Terror's House of Horrors was Hysteria, a rather straight-forward thriller scripted once again by Jimmy Sangster, who wrote virtually everything for Hammer at the time.  The only problem with the film is really that we gather from the very beginning that no supernatural or even psychological elements are truly at play and it is rather easy to predict what characters will be involved in the inevitable plot twist.  While this keeps the story from becoming as engaging as it should, Sangster still sets up an excellent premise of a guy who wakes up in a hospital with no memory and all of his bills plus a luxury penthouse for him funded by unknown persons.  In addition, Francis directs with a tight control, deepening the mystery with a lot of clever, confusing details that keep both Robert Webber's main protagonist and the viewer on edge.  The attempts at humor work rather well too, with Maurice Denham's private investigator and his no nonsense tactics standing out the most.  It is certainly not bad or forgettable, but it does not quite grab you enough and the uninspired "yeah sure whatever" payoff is a let down of sorts.

60's British Horror Part Eight

THE BLACK TORMENT
(1964)
Dir - Robert Hartford-Davis
Overall: MEH

Though it is ultimately a bit undone by its uninspired twist and lackluster, final action sequence, Robert Hartford-Davis' The Black Torment for most of its running time is an above-average, Gothic horror outing.  Very deliberately styled after the Hammer films of the day, it was produced by the far lesser known Compton Films and borrows Phantom of the Opera's Heather Sears and even Patrick Troughton in a smaller role, the latter who would go on to be immortalized as the Second Doctor on Doctor Who a mere two years later.  The film's opening is quite strong, (before we even see anything no less) and familiar plot devices such as ghostly ladies in white and possible doppelgangers getting into tomfoolery are showcased in a number of wonderfully creepy ways.  John Turner as the tormented Sir Richard Fordyke is definitely over the top as he yells and goes into body-convulsing fits of rage, (Oliver Reed would have positively excelled here), but the mystery surrounding him really is rather captivating due to how cleverly the movie teases everything, keeping it from us until the last possible moment.  Again though, anything hokey or lame you may have guessed was going on ends up being the case and the payoff does not live up to what came before it, so the movie is still only a partial success.

NIGHT OF THE BIG HEAT
(1967)
Dir - Terence Fisher
Overall: WOOF

Quite easily the most absolutely boring movie Terence Fisher, Peter Cushing, and Christopher Lee ever made together, Night of the Big Heat is a dated, horrendously dull adaptation of the John Lymington novel of the same name.  The alien threat is barely given screen time and they are as convincing looking as any other cheaply made, blob-like creatures.  It also takes absolutely forever to get the story to the point where they are even noticed by anyone on screen, let alone the audience.  In the meantime, every character is either just there to have a few lines and die, (Cushing is sadly wasted in this regard), or they are just assholes.  This includes Lee who is unnecessarily rude and cold to everyone because he is a serious scientist.  Patrick Allen is just as arrogantly unlikable, playing a man who is cheating on his secretary that he calls a "slut" a few times in a couple of hilarious rants.  All the while, the woman that he is cheating with just wants to be there so she can be annoying apparently while his wife cries a little yet ultimately seems just fine with him saying he only did it because he is a horny guy who does not really love his mistress.  The love triangle is so badly written that it makes the totally generic, "handful of people making a last stand against monsters" core element all the more disappointing.  Then the aliens get killed because it starts to rain and the credits roll about ten seconds later.

TWISTED NERVE
(1968)
Dir - Roy Boulting
Overall: MEH

A rare psychological thriller from Roy Boulting, (who primarily made comedy films and also occasionally co-directed with his brother John), Twisted Nerve takes its title from a poem by German-American writer George Sylvester Viereck, who regrettably was also a pro-Nazi propagandist.  Not that any such fascism creeps into the proceedings here, but it does have a rather un-PC premise of a sociopath who pretends to be retarded to manipulate people.  Co-scripted by Leo Marks, (Peeping Tom), Boulting keeps everything far enough from getting unfavorably exploitative, but the subject matter and highly disturbed and unlikable protagonist are surely meant to make one rather uncomfortable.  Most of the nudity and violence is underplayed, (at least by later standards), and none of the behavior of Hywel Bennett's Martin/Georgie is glorified in the slightest.  This is all rather part of the problem with the movie in general though.  By keeping itself mostly grounded and safe, it lacks uniqueness and really is not that thought-provoking or shocking.  It is just another "crazy guy does crazy things" scenario really.  As a fun side-note, the main musical theme by Bernard Herman was later used in a number of other places, least of all two Quentin Tarantino movies.

60's British Horror Part Seven

THE EARTH DIES SCREAMING
(1964)
Dir - Terence Fisher
Overall: MEH

In between several of his average to well-regarded horror vehicles for Hammer Studios in the early 60s, Terence Fisher made the low-budget The Earth Dies Screaming for Twentieth Century Fox.  Why he bothered is anyone's guess as the film is remarkably dull.  Opening almost exactly as Village of the Damned did four years earlier, it straight-away gets the feel of a rip-off, making the set-up very difficult to come off as hooky as indented.  At a mere sixty-two minutes long, it feels quite rushed with all of the would-be compelling details regarding the alien or something menace feeling totally left out.  That leaves us with a handful of characters who we are not given enough time with, making everybody's actions seem rather random and uninteresting.  The movie never goes anywhere past its initial, very vague premise and even though it gets to the drab conclusion quickly, Fisher hardly has anything to work with to make the movie anything except monotonous.  The characters hide, argue, then get along, disappear, turn against each other, and reach conclusions out of thin air and then it is all done and over with before you even notice or worse yet, bother to even care.

BERSERK!
(1967)
Dir - Jim O'Connolly
Overall: MEH

Low on gore and sex appeal although occasionally lively at times, most aspects about Jim O'Connolly's Berserk! which are rather a chore to sit through are all similar to the same ones that undid Sidney Hayers just slightly better Circus of Horrors seven years prior.  That is, we watch a bunch of proficient, professional circus routines and then every so often somebody gets killed while performing them.  At which point, the movie then ends.  Joan Crawford is actually pretty restrained and even rather likeable here as the owner/ringleader of the traveling circus, plus Michael Gough has a small yet solid role as well.  Both of them bring a bit more class to the proceedings than would be expected.  If the word "class" comes to mind when describing Crawford's rather schlocky and final period to her career.  The mystery is in fact somewhat intriguing as of course all of the obvious candidates as far as who the hell is murdering everyone cannot possibly be the culprits, leaving one to genuinely scratch their head as to who it is going to turn out to be.  Sadly, the answer to this question is as lame as the bulk of the movie is and really outside of Crawford adequately holding down the fort, Berserk! is as forgettable as they come.

THEATRE OF DEATH
(1967)
Dir - Samuel Gallu
Overall: GOOD

This lesser-known staring vehicle for Christopher Lee, Theatre of Death also features Julian Glover, (Indian Jones and the Last Crusade, Doctor Who, The Empire Strikes Back), and Lelia Goldoni, (Hysteria, John Cassavete's Shadows, Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore), and it is rather stylishly directed by the equally lesser-known American Samuel Gallu.  Why the film is not mentioned as often as other such horror works from the 1960s is anyone's guess, but then again as far as Lee was concerned, the man did make about seven hundred such films that decade so it is rather easy to overlook a couple.  Lee is perfectly cast as a brutish, egomaniacal theater director and he does everything his expertise allows to make his character thoroughly deplorable.  With a script full of silly, implausible coincidences, it must be said that the real hero of the production is Gallu.  The director choose to shoot a great deal of the movie with off-kilter angles and handheld camerawork, evoking a cinéma vérité style that is rather refreshing for the somewhat ridiculous, Jack the Ripper-esque plot.  By giving it such a visual edge, it makes it more forgivable that the movie drags in a few spots, particularly the ending which gets rather interrupted by a drawn-out voodoo dance sequence that unintentionally deflates the tension.

60's British Horror Part Six

THE FLESH AND THE FIENDS
(1960)
Dir - John Gilling
Overall: MEH

In Peter Cushing's first staring role in a horror film outside of Hammer studios, The Flesh and the Fiends, (Mania in the US), he is very Dr. Frankensteiny in the best of ways.  As a blindly narcissistic anatomist, delusionally convincing himself that his highly dubious methods are outweighed by their results, Cushing as the real life Dr. Rober Knox is both villainous and sympathetically pitiful to the audience.  Even if the ending is a bit too illogically crowd-pleasing let alone historically very inaccurate.  Director John Gilling had written the screenplay for the 1948 cinematic version of the Burke and Hare murders, (The Greed of William Hart), but he was forced to change all of the character's names around then.  As opposed to Cushing, George Rose and Donald Pleasence are textbook, vile scumbags here and it is more unpleasant than anything to watch them do what the actual two Williams did in 1828.  The movie also distracts itself with a number of lame sub-plots, never quite managing to settle on any story element in particular long enough to make them interesting.  It is a bit too banal despite the talent at hand, with various other diabolical body snatcher and/or Jack the Ripper style movies of the era, (or older), faring far better.

CHILDREN OF THE DAMNED
(1964)
Dir - Anton M. Leader
Overall: GOOD

The Village of the Damned sequel, (based off of the 1960 John Wyndham novel The Midwich Cuckoos), Children of the Damned is a pretty solid second offering.  It also inspired a rather excellent Iron Maiden song.  Prominently boasting much, much larger moralistic themes, (as in typical science fiction, the "aliens" are the benevolent ones holding a mirror up to the trigger-happy society that is confused/threatened by them), Children retcons the original novel and film source material, removing the very effective if straight-ahead creepiness of Village in place of a high-minded allegory.  While this is obviously quite a shift in focus, it is not a bad one and what the film lacks in a more eerie, horror-tinged premise and execution it makes up for in other ways.  The ending comes a little too close to being an unintentionally comedic cop-out, but there are still some striking moments of the children of the title standing motionless with their glowing eyes as they defend themselves against endless military men, embassy leaders, and hired goons who would do them harm.  Director Anton M. Leader makes some effective stylistic choices such as showing the children move in slow motion as they are out and about while gathering their forces in downtown London.  It is a well done example of a sequel that wisely chooses not to simply rehash its predecessor, but instead takes a gamble at going a different yet still compelling route.

ISLAND OF TERROR
(1966)
Dir - Terence Fisher
Overall: MEH

By 1966, movies where lab coat-wearing scientists get together and theorize about what weird, scientific anamoly is terrorizing whatever area while unimportant locals get predictably picked off as we wait were already rather old hat.  That right there is the biggest reason that Island of Terror fails to work.  It is very "same shit, different movie" to a fault.  Sadly, Terence Fisher being brought in while taking a quick break from Hammer does nothing to elevate the humdrum.  He is forced to shoot pointless scenes such as the entire process of guys getting into radioactive suites, opening a storage area, and removing a single cylinder of whatever while the music desperately tries to make it exciting.  Instead, we could have just watched them enter the room and come back out with the stuff in about three seconds.  Peter Cushing is also here as one of the doctor guys looking for answers and he played so many such similar characters over his long career that you almost forget that he does not actually have a PhD in such fields.  The bone-marrow sucking monsters are somewhat menacing since of course bullets, dynamite, and fire do nothing to harm them, but they also move at a snail's pace and are just another mindless hoard of silly looking blobby/snake-like things.  Pretty unexciting stuff.

60's Antonio Margheriti Part Two

BATTLE OF THE WORLDS
(1961)
Overall: WOOF

Antonio Margheriti who is dubbed Anthony M. Dawson here for more easy to pronounce American audiences helmed his second ridiculous, barely-a-budget sci-fi dud Battle of the Worlds, (Pianeta degli uomini spenti), a year after his debut Space-Men.  For this go around he scored none other than Claude Rains of all completely random people to be in it.  Everything about Rains character is laughably absurd from how much of a raging asshat he is, to his seemingly godlike abilities to know everything down to the most minute detail at all times, (often by scribbling some math on random objects with chalk, looking at things, or just boldly proclaiming them out of nowhere).  It is mostly his hilarious performance though which shows an untamed, full-throttle devotion into camp that the noted thespian never even hinted at before.  Hypothetically taking Rains out of the equation though, this may be the most unmemorable Italian sci-fi movie ever made, which is saying something.  The characters are embarrassingly underwritten, the "special" effects are anything but, and it is atrociously dull throughout almost its entire running time.  Yet with Rains unabashedly hamming it up to the umpteenth degree and the movie so cliche-ridden and stupid that it actually has you guessing along the way just how cliche-ridden and stupid it is going to be, it is fair to say that this is worth at least one viewing, solely to point and laugh at.  Out loud of course.

THE LONG HAIR OF DEATH
(1964)
Overall: MEH

Having Barbara Steele on board alone for the amusingly titled The Long Hair of Death, (I lunghi capelli della morte), makes it impossible not to link back to Mario Bava's Black Sunday which more or less kickstarted the European Gothic horror boom four years earlier.  In pretty much every respect, this film plays a similar, standard game.  It starts with a woman wrongly being put to death as a witch, (of course), who curses her executioners, (of course), has her bloodline seek revenge, (of course), and then there is more barely important stuff about horny, hypocritical Counts and whatnot being all horrible and getting their comeuppance, (of course).  The script by Margheriti and Tonino Valerii based off of a story by Ernesto Gastaldi, (who would pen a hefty number of low-budget horror and sword and sandal movies), would be fine with all of its cliches in tow.  That is if not for the badly written characters who abruptly change their motivations and behavior at a moments notice.  People are boldly refusing to do things or carrying their weight around only to become either sheepishly or diabolically accommodating in the very next scene.  The middle of the movie plods along too and pretty much dooms the ending to come off far more lackluster than it was intended.  There are some memorable scenes of animated corpses though and a few other moody bits that work OK.

THE YOUNG, THE EVIL, AND THE SAVAGE
(1968)
Overall: GOOD

When making a giallo with an eye-ball rollingly silly script like this, it is usually a better move to have a bit of fun with the whole ordeal.  It is in this very regard that The Young, the Evil, and the Savage, (also hilariously titled Nude...si muore aka Naked...You Die), is a success.  Sure the story is loaded with cliches, (obvious transvestite), plot holes, (no one would notice any smell omitting from a huge crate with a dead body in it in the warm Italian summer for days on end?), and moronic behavior amongst most of its characters, (get woken up in the middle of the night by a shower being left on when a girl is missing/presumed murdered and decide to go in and take a shower yourself?), but both Antonio Margheriti and his cast seem consistently to be enjoying themselves with how kind of dumb it all is.  The movie laughs off how Mark Damon, (The Pit and the Pendulum), openly romances an underage girl and another one, (British born Sally Smith), is a downright hoot as an aspiring crime novelist/investigator who sasses her way around the boarding school while jumping in to save the day on more than one occasion.  While it is not very flamboyantly staged, Margheriti excels at least as far as the "whodunit?" element is concerned by misleading the audience nearly every step of the way, often more cleverly than not.

60's Antonio Margheriti Part One

THE VIRGIN OF NUREMBERG

(1963)

Dir - Antonio Margheriti

Overall: WOOF

Quite sadly, Christopher Lee appeared in one of the worst movies ever made and that movie is The Virgin of Nuremberg, (La vergine di Norimberga, Horror Castle).  A rushed production which was filmed in three weeks hot off the heels of director Antonio Margheriti's Castle of Blood which was released the following year, Nuremberg is based on a disposable, cheap Italian paperback novel of the same name by Maddalena Gui with a screenplay credited to three different people including Margheriti.  This makes sense considering how utterly messy and ridiculous it all plays out.  Every single detail in the plot is almost impressively stupid.  Everything every character says, everything they do, every single thing that happens is devoid of logic in a manner far surpassing even the usual Euro-horror standards.  The sets are fine and the music is awful in a generic sense, but the mind-numbingly stupid script and cripplingly tedious pacing makes it as close to unwatchable as can be imagined.  Even by silly and lousy Italian horror standards, only the truest gluttons for punishment can hope to endure how unentertainingly terrible this is.  Truly the worst of its kind, that is for sure.

 

CASTLE OF BLOOD
(1964)
Dir - Antonio Margheriti/Sergio Corbucci
Overall: MEH

Occasionally spooky and containing a more than admirable if cliche ridden plot, flaws in Castle of Blood, (Danza Macabra), sadly do too much harm to the proceedings.  Sergio Corbucci was initially on board to direct it, having been given the opportunity to make a Gothic horror film on the cheap from producer Giovanni Addessi who had some sets left over from The Monk of Monza that he wanted to get more mileage out of.  While he conceived of the initial story concept, Corbucci ended up dropping out, (though he was later brought in to direct a single scene), and his friend Antonio Margheriti took on the project instead.  Margheriti stretches the deliberate, would-be moody pacing too far and in several instances the movie goes from genuinely white-knuckled to tedious.  This makes it far too easy for the viewer to lose patience and by the end of it, more moments become undone by their exhausting presentation than not.  It is another common shame where the material is treated sincerely, the premise is solid, the performances are fine, the sets are wholly appropriate for such a gloomy affair, and the small budget is forgivable, but they just cannot pick up the goddamn pace.

WAR BETWEEN THE PLANETS
(1966)
Overall: MEH

It is occasionally charming how awful some cinematic dung heaps are and War Between the Planets, (not to be confused with about ten other Italian movies titled with the same group of words made in and around the decade that this one was produced), gets a solid "so bad it is almost kind of OK good" pass.  A typical drive-in schlock fest made on a dime and designed to maybe make a few extra dollars than it was worth, its only really remembered now by people who champion silly, cheap, European genre cash-grabs and that is perfectly fine.  Giacomo Rossi Stuart, (Kill, Baby, Kill), plays one of the most unnecessarily hard-assed space captains and when he is not getting into macho fistfights with other officers or scowling in all of his shots, he is yelling at everyone for not following his orders and spattering off some of the most redundant dialog you are likely to hear along with the rest of the cast.  The effects are an absolute hoot with toy space ships, astronauts dangling on wires against papier-mâché planets and cardboard backdrops, and a bubbling alien/comment/planet/something with snugly blankets that act as organic material.  The amount of effort put into pretending this is a real movie by the cast and crew is rather adorable at some instances, but of course it starts to drag too much by the pathetic finale and you are left barely remembering what you just watched.  Which is also kind of fine.

THE UNNATURALS
(1969)
Overall: GOOD

Antonio Margheriti closed out the 1960s with probably his strongest overall film, the cold and eerie The Unnaturals, (Contronatura in Italy, Schreie in der Nacht in Germany, both countries of which had studios that co-produced it).  The first half moves a bit too slow, but eventually we are treated to something closely resembling an anthology mystery, with the guilty secrets of a bunch of rich socialites all getting revealed to us in various flashbacks over a séance.  Margheriti maintains pretty tight control of the material here and working with his own screenplay as well as co-producing, it is one of the rare auteur works in the director's filmography, (and probably the reason he considered it his best movie).  The international cast is pretty strong with German-born Marianne Koch, (A Fistful of Dollars), standing out the most as a tragic, closeted lesbian.  The erotic aspects are mostly underplayed with only minimal nudity and the sex scenes being as atmospheric as the "creepy castle during a thunderstorm" ones.  The finale is a bit unexpected almost in a humorous way, but it is just another pleasantly surprising element to a film that would have been far less successful under more exploitative and uninspired direction.

60's Mario Bava Part Two

HERCULES IN THE HAUNTED WORLD
(1961)
Overall: GOOD

With his only entry in the Hercules franchise, (once which numerous countries over numerous years indulged in), Mario Bava does commendable work once again on an air-tight budget whilst juggling a joyously silly, over-stuffed plot.  Hercules In the Haunted World, (Ercole al centro della terra), has one time Mr. Universe Reg Park in the title role, which was his second time appearing as such with Hercules Conquers Atlantis also coming out the same year.  To help bolster the proceedings, Christopher Lee is appropriately on board as the villainous King Lico.  Unfortunately Lee's voice is dubbed in the English language version of the film, but he still commands respect in a role that could have been far more forgettable in the hands of a lesser thespian.  The plot here combines as many desperate, hammy elements as can be such as generously tweaked Greek mythology, melodramatic love arcs, a stone monster, and even vampires.  Bava not only keeps up the pace rather frantically while racing from one story element to the next, but his usual, striking use of color gets a full workout as he gets to decorate the lens with scenes transpiring in otherworldly planes such as Hades and an underground crypt.  In the latter, a slew of undead rise from their tombs to attack Hercules while flying at him with visible strings attached.  It is quite a fun experience where you can laugh at how most people in it just stare at dangerous things approaching them without running away and how Hercules' answer to practically every problem is "just throw giant rocks at it until it goes away".

BLOOD AND BLACK LACE
(1964)
Overall: GOOD

On the rather long list of significant Mario Bava films that would have a profound impact on horror cinema overall, his prominent giallo offering Blood and Black Lace, (6 donne per l'assassino, Blutige Seide), could be chief among them.  A masked killer stalking and killing pretty girls who lack the common sense to not be all alone nor turn any lights on wherever they happen to be getting murdered was not anything particularly new when Bava made the film, but the style with which he does so was unique.  Having the murders themselves be particularly brutal, the movie revolving around a fashion house which offers up above average sex appeal, and of course the inventive way in which he stages the kills with primitive colors, darkness, tracking shots, and silence would all become benchmarks of Italian slashers.  Though even outside of that country, you cannot name enough other movies that leisurely borrowed from the rules Bava sets up here.  While this would ultimately be for the worst as the 80s in particular begat the most boring and uninspired slasher sub-genre that still unfortunately lingers today, just like Psycho or Halloween, Blood and Black Lace can still be viewed as quite an exceptional precursor to *sigh* later garbage.

KILL, BABY, KILL
(1966)
Overall: GOOD

The most celebrated Gothic horror work of Mario Bava's career along with Black Sunday, Kill, Baby, Kill, (Operazione paura), proved as influential as any other Italian film in pretty much any genre.  The contemporary "creepy kid + toy ball = scary" motif can be directly traced back to here and thankfully Bava still cannot make his movies look anything but extraordinary, even if he tried.  Shooting both on location in Calcutta and at Titanus Appia Studios, the overly-cobwebbed, eerily lit sets are endlessly effective, wholly benefiting the movie's illogical, dreamlike narrative.  The production ran out of money while filming which not only forced the cast and Bava to work unpaid for much of it, but also warranted that they improvise the allegedly unfinished script and resort to using stock music.  These budgetary elements present the only fair problems one can sight as the plot is a bit too underdeveloped and the nearly relentless, unremarkable musical score gets in the way more often than not.  It is still highly impressive that Bava was able to make such a still lauded work with all of the obstacles faced.  It is no less flawed than many other good to excellent Italian horror outings, especially many that would come in its wake and freely borrow from its groundwork.

60's Mario Bava Part One

BLACK SUNDAY

(1960)

Overall: GOOD

 

Though Mario Bava's stylized use of color is one of the most lauded talents he brought to horror cinema, the black and white Black Sunday, (The Mask of Satan, Revenge of the Vampire, La Maschera del Demonio), still probably sits in most people's mind as his definitive film.  It is certainly one of the most atmospheric Gothic horror movies ever made and would prove largely influential across the globe, reestablishing Universal's monster movie tropes for more generations to come.  Particularly in Italy, logic and realism are rarely a concern and memorable visuals, gore, and moody evilness instead take center stage.  This is certainly the case here, where silly moments could become distracting if not for the near suffocatingly dreadful and sinister ambiance that oozes from every frame.  Shadows, darkness, crypts, spiderwebs, howlings, plus a thousand other horror staples are all exploited marvelously here, with the added element of gore and sexual tension.  The only shortcomings present are with the melodrama and lousy musical score, both of which are common drawbacks of the era more than anything else.  Still, this established both Bava's reputation as a master in in the genre as well as British actor Barbara Steele's place as arguably Europe's premier scream queen.

 

THE GIRL WHO KNEW TOO MUCH
(1963)
Overall: GOOD

Serving as both Mario Bava's final film in black and white as well as one that is regularly regarded as the first official giallo, The Girl Who Knew Too Much, (La ragazza che sapeva troppo), is a historically important thriller from one of horror's most important filmmakers.  There are a couple of instances where Bava lets the flow drag a bit, failing to successfully ride that line of building tension where instead, some of the scenes become drawn-out and snore-inducing.  There are some tonal problems as well when the movie occasionally decides to be a comedy, though this almost happens enough to conclude that it was meant not to be taken all that seriously.  Bava himself was not that impressed with the senseless script or from working with American John Saxton who allegedly practiced his martial arts too much on set for the director's liking.  Issues aside, the film is photographed beautifully, with Bava doubling as cinematographer.  Shooting locations such as the Spanish Steps and the Trinità dei Monti in Rome are shown in expansive, shadow-drenched ways.  As a precursor to the giallo film which would begin to get made in growing abundance over the following years, Bava proves quite innovative not so much in the slasher aspects of the sub-genre but more in the film noir/crime mystery ones where a pretty girl sees "too much", gets threatened, and becomes hellbent on discovering her pursuer.

THE WHIP AND THE BODY
(1963)
Overall: MEH

Drastically flawed due to its arduous pacing, The Whip and the Body, (La frusta e il corpo, What!, Night Is the Phantom), is nearly recommendable as a high water mark for Mario Bava's fantastic, visual style at least.  The film was put together deliberately as an Italian answer to Roger Corman's The Pit and the Pendulum and Bava was brought in to direct and act as cinematographer, (uncredited), while Christopher Lee was scored in a practically tailor-made part as a sadomasochistic, black sheep of a noble family.  From a pure optical standpoint, this is a triumph as Bava works his true strengths framing nearly every shot beautifully in expressive color pallets and shadows while staging some purely memorable scenes involving hands emerging out of blackness, eerily-lit crypts and hallways, and intense closeups of women's terrified eyes.  Lee is naturally menacing and brutish, and even though his screen time is rather minimal, the most is made out of his foreboding demeanor.  Sadly though, the movie is sloooooooooooooow as all hell.  It becomes cumbersome how so many shots linger on and on while the story itself has virtually nothing to it.  The whole thing succumbs to a boring game of people seeing and hearing things, screaming, and then other people running in to tell them it was all in their imagination.

PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES
(1965)
Overall: MEH

Mario Bava did not dip his toes too frequently into sci-fi throughout his career, making Planet of the Vampires, (Terrore nello Spazio), a rather unique work.  Virtually all of its story elements are standard, familiar stuff with an alien force mysteriously overtaking a bunch of marooned astronauts.  Yet while the script is not the most ingeniously original of its kind, it has some merit for its creepy atmosphere and colorful look which is straight out of pulp science fiction comics.  The film was internationally financed by studios in American, Spain, and Italy and the ethnically diverse, (and post dubbed of course), cast are just as varied.  Being made cheaply as a double feature though, the lack of budget is charmingly noticeable and Bava works quite a few wonders drenching the small sets with enough vibrant, multi-colored fog to obscure the plastic rocks and clunky toy spaceship.  The big, giant alien skulls look pretty damn cool too.  The only problem really is a common one in that the movie drags and absolutely no investment is made to flesh out any of the characters.  This makes it problematic to care as everyone simply goes through the motions exploring their environment, trying to fix their ship to return to earth, and tediously discovering what is going on.

60's Roger Corman

THE LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS
(1960)
Overall: GOOD

It is truly a testament to Roger Corman's maverick filmmaking abilities that he was able to produce both the seminal, first Gothic Edgar Allan Poe adaptation with Vincent Price in House of Usher and then The Little Shop of Horrors in the same year.  These two movies alone could not differ more drastically, but then again most movies PERIOD do not really resemble Little Shop.  As was often his infamous trade, Corman snatched up the chance to make the film with a leftover set, stock actors, and no money, finishing principal photography in a whopping two days while employing as many corner-cutting tricks as he was expertly able.  At the same time, he and screenwriter Charles B. Griffith concocted an absurd farce that openly makes fun of Jewish stereotypes, slubbish heroes, killer monster movies, and deadpan detective serials all at once.  Little Shop of Horrors is ridiculous and makes every attempt at being so.  The fact that it was pulled off so cheaply yet remains a cherished cult film, (and spawned a hit Broadway play, star-studded 80's remake, and even a cartoon series), is simply a testament to Corman's uncanny skills to think on his feet and occasionally get pretty damn lucky in the process.

THE PREMATURE BURIAL
(1962)
Overall: GOOD

The third in the "Poe Cycle", Roger Corman's The Premature Burial was the only one in the series not to feature Vincent Price as he was under contract with American International Pictures exclusively at the time production began.  Corman worked independently from the studio this time even though AIP ended up distributing the movie anyway once it was finished.  In his place is Ray Milland who does a fine if considerably less memorable job than one would imagine Price vigorously pulling off.  The story is so similar in tone and theme to Corman's previous two Poe vehicles House of Usher and The Pit and Pendulum anyway that perhaps seeing Price once again playing a manic eccentric cooped up by his own eccentricities in another gloomy castle would have been even more redundant.  As predictable and familiar as the presentation is, Corman still works his Gothic horror magic with beautiful sets, creepy dream sequences, and by utilizing mainstay Floyd Crosby, (David Crosby's dad), as cinematographer once again.  Corman would begin to incorporate comedy into his Poe adaptations with the next few entries and permanently bring Price back to the proceedings, but as comparatively less notable as Premature Burial technically is, it is still quite essential.

X: THE MAN WITH X-RAY EYES
(1963)
Overall: GOOD

Based off of one of his own ideas, Roger Corman got Ray Russell and Robert Dillon to put together a screenplay about the all-seeing eyes of Dr. James Xavier, (not to be confused with Marvel's Prof X who very coincidentally would debut in comics the exact same month that this film was released).  The result in X: The Man with X-Ray Eyes is pretty solid for the most part.  The religious tag at the end is random and clashes with the rest of the movie, plus the blurry, headache inducing POV effects do not really work that well.  Otherwise though, the film has a solid performance from Ray Milland and Corman takes the material seriously enough to make it captivating.  There is an amusing scene where Milland is testing out his new powers at a party where everyone is dancing, seeing them all in their birthday suites.  We also have Don Rickles in a small though important part as a character he was virtually born to play, (a crowd-insulting carnie).  Yet aside from all of that, the camp level is toned down with the "man playing god" angle taking center stage.  It is predictably tragic by following the same beats where a protagonist who starts off with somewhat noble intentions gradually becomes power-obsessed.  As far as Corman's contemporary-set horror films from the period go though, this is easily one of the better ones.

60's American Horror Part Four

DEMENTIA 13
(1963)
Dir - Francis Ford Coppola/Jack Hill
Overall: MEH

Obviously notable as the first film written and directed almost solo by Francis Ford Coppola, (Jack Hill was hired to shoot addition scenes since producer Roger Corman was displeased with the initial version), Dementia 13 suffers from some understandable problems.  As usual, Corman had just wrapped up a movie in Ireland under budget and offered Coppola the chance to make a cheap, Gothic horror outing while they were still there with the same crew.  Coppola then wrote the script in three days with the help of friend as well as art director Al Locatelli, the result coming off as quite the rushed, limited funded project it is.  To say that the story is confusing would be an understatement with most of the character's motivations underwritten and several plot avenues abandoned at various points.  It kind of just goes through a number of sections and by the end, it has the feeling of being three or four different movies disastrously spliced together.  Coppola even this early on had a flair for some nifty camera work and the opening scene on a row boat, as well as the moment where Luana Anders, (The Pit and the Pendulum), undresses, swims underwater, and then meets some grisliness once she resurfaces are indeed pretty well done.

QUEEN OF BLOOD
(1966)
Dir - Curtis Harrington
Overall: GOOD

Made for American International Pictures on a typically small scale budget, Curtis Harrington's Queen of Blood further swiped its special effects shots from two Russian films Mechte Navstrechu, (A Dream Come True), and Nebo Zovyot, (Battle Beyond the Sun).  They also scored Basil Rathbone for a day and a half of shooting as well as a young Dennis Hopper, who is always amusing to see in such clean-cut, pre-Easy Rider roles.  Even though Harrington takes quite a long time to get to the good stuff, the film's first two acts are pretty briskly paced as all of the pieces are quickly set up to get our astronauts in contact with the title character.  Every aspect of Queen of Blood looks as silly and dated as can be and once cannot think of how incredible 2001: A Space Odyssey must have come off in comparison a mere two years later.  As was common for many hokey sci-fi movies of the day, (even if this one more closely resembles the ones that were coming out in droves a decade or so earlier), everyone takes things rather seriously which makes it possible to fully invest in the proceedings.  Harrington's script is rather textbook, poses some thoughtful questions, wisely glosses over the space travel details as they are hardly important, and also has some laughable leaps of logic, yet it is still plenty charming and occasionally memorable.

JESSE JAMES MEETS FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER
(1966)
Dir - William Beaudine
Overall: MEH

Boring, stupid, and cheap, William Beaudine's companion piece to the comparatively less boring, stupid, and cheap Billy the Kid Versus Dracula plays nearly all of its cards wrong.  The movie is competently acted and Estonian actress Narda Onyx chews as much scenery as possible in the Dr. Maria Frankenstein role, but there is hardly anything to recommend anywhere else.  Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter goes through the motions for the first half, presenting two totally different movies for awhile before haphazardly smashing them together later.  It never gets tortuously inept, but it also never picks up any momentum either and the amount of lazy plot devices mount up embarrassingly.  Any "scientific" details to Miss Frankenstein's experiments seem like they were imagined by a five year old and her entire motivation in the first place is shrugged off as an afterthought.  Both of the female characters fall dramatically in love with Jesse James within minutes of meeting him and the amount of charisma John Lupton brings to the role is completely unconvincing.  It is not his or anyone else's fault though since the film barely tries and all these years later, it is nearly impossible to find the end product even sparsely interesting.