Senritsu Kaiki File Kowasugi Series - Part Three

SENRITSU KAIKI FILE SUPER KOWA TOO! FEAR ADVENTURE: KOKKURI-SAN

(2015)

Dir - Kōji Shiraishi

Overall: WOOF

 

The same year that Kōji Shiraishi "wrapped-up" his Senritsu Kaiki File Kowasugi series with Senritsu Kaiki File Kowasugi: Final Chapter, things keep right-on chugging along, as Senritsu Kaiki File Super Kowa Too! Fear Adventure: Kokkuri-san demonstrates.  Considered that the world ended in the last installment and everyone teleported to a new past timeline where memories were supposedly wiped, this one barely touches base on any of that nonsense and simply picks up almost where everything began.  Yet apparently in THIS universe, Shigeo Ôsako and Chika Kuboyama's paranormal DVD series is still a thing and is now given a new branding, even though absolutely nothing to the formula has changed to warrant such a new branding.  Ôsako is still the biggest asshole on the planet and even more hot-headed than usual, looking for a supernatural fight and any excuse to beat up women that he can get.  Shiraishi is playing things for laughs at this point if one can actually find Ôsako's misogynistic and rage-fueled behavior "funny", but as far as the found footage spook show moments go, this is easily the lamest assortment of them yet, not to mention some of the most instantly forgettable that the sub-genre has ever produced.

 

SENRITSU KAIKI FILE SUPER KOWA TOO! DARK MYSTERY: SNAKE WOMAN

(2015)

Dir- Kōji Shiraishi

Overall: WOOF

 

The longest in the now nine-deep Senritsu Kaiki File Kowasugi series was also the last to be produced for almost a decade, signifying that enough was finally enough already.  Judging by the direction that this and the proceeding, (and terrible), Senritsu Kaiki File Super Kowa Too! Fear Adventure: Kokkuri-san was heading, it was looking like we were back to a new urban legend per episode within a formula that had already grown stale with a bombardment of these in so short a time.  Thankfully we were sparred, and the franchise took a much needed break after the dead end that it had steamrolled into.  Regrettably and predictably at this point, Senritsu Kaiki File Super Kowa Too! Dark Mystery: Snake Woman is some pretty horrid stuff, arguably the worst of the lot.  It cannot be overstated how obnoxious and not at all funny Shigeo Ôsako's hot-headed douchebag is in all of these movies, and on top of his usual penchant for screaming at and beating the shit out of anything that he feels like at any given whim, he also comes to one moronic conclusion after the next.  In fact every character here behaves irrationally, which would be hilarious if not for director Kōji Shiraishi's inability to convey a proper comedic tone, if that was even what he was going for.  Instead, it is a painful bore with occasional loud noises thrown in to wake people up, as well as a story centered around a "Huh?" love story between a pathetic peeping tom dipshit and the young snake woman of the title, (as well as her also aggressive and wacky mom).

 

SENRITSU KAIKI WORLD KOWASUGI!
(2023) 
Dir - Kōji Shiraishi
Overall: MEH

 

Why horror mockumentary devotee Kōji Shiraishi decided to resurrect his Senritsu Kaiki File Kowasugi series after an eight year break is anybody's guess.  Maybe enough time has gone by that fans of the series are jonesing for a legacy sequel and in this respect, Shiraishi delivers one.  It may not be the most ridiculous entry in the franchise, but it still probably is since never before was the humor so direct, nor was the piss taken out of the well-worn tropes that each installment indulged in.  Shigeo Ôsako and Chika Kuboyama reprise their roles as the director/co-director duo who openly disdain each other, and as usual, both actors behave as if they are here at gunpoint, physically abusing one another while looking miserable.  Ôsako's character, (easily one of the worst in any horror franchise), is as big of a ranting and pathetic buffoon as he always was, but Kuboyama gives it right back to him, which still does not explain why they are bothering to make a new movie after so long in the first place.  As far as the supernatural shenanigans go, they touch base on the more topsy-turvy motifs that came before, (world jumping, psychic medium badasses, time travel, and arbitrary supernatural rules getting abused and made up on the fly), but the choice to shoot at the same factory location as Shin'ichirō Ueda's also absurd One Cut of the Dead seemed to rub off on the whole production.  Met on its own oddball terms, it is a wild and uneven mess that has no business being taken seriously.

Senritsu Kaiki File Kowasugi Series - Part Two

SENRITSU KAIKI FILE KOWASUGI! PREFACE: TRUE THEORY, YOTSUYA KAIDAN, THE CURSE OF OIWA

(2014)

Dir - Kōji Shiraishi

Overall: MEH

 

The flimsy logic, (or lack thereof), and joyless character traits continue with the fifth installment in Kōji Shiraishi's Senritsu Kaiki File Kowasugi series, Senritsu Kaiki File Kowasugi! Preface: True Theory, Yotsuya Kaidan, the Curse of Oiwa.  After the events of the last chapter where a psychic medium hilariously met her death by a random chair falling on her, the paranormal DVD-making team takes a quick break until their severely-lacking-in-charisma-leader Shigeo Ôsako easily convinces them to renew their recklessly dangerous work because they are making more money now in proving that otherworldly things exist.  Whatta guy.  One could argue that the formula is getting tedious at this point since it is the same ole set up of the crew filming themselves having meetings, getting a new tape to investigate, instant replaying the scary parts, adding scary music, and investigating the mystery while arbitrarily getting angry at people.  On the other hand though, the lore is deepening as Chika Kuboyama is now possessed and they need a new exorcist, (who is also an asshole), to both free her and the world of malevolent forces

 

SENRITSU KAIKI FILE KOWASUGI: THE MOST TERRIFYING MOVIE IN HISTORY

(2014)

Dir - Kōji Shiraishi

Overall: WOOF

 

After establishing itself with a different urban legend monster for each entry, Senritsu Kaiki File Kowasugi: The Most Terrifying Movie in History is officially where the wheels fall off in Kōji Shiraishi's now preposterous series.  While all of these films follow a linear trajectory thus far, this one most directly follows up its predecessor which ended with Shigeo Ôsako proclaiming to his two person crew that they were going to "make a movie", as if it was the first time and not the sixth time that they have done so.  This one does not have a new video for them to decipher, instead going straight into the cursed village that had been mentioned in Senritsu Kaiki File Kowasugi! Preface: True Theory, Yotsuya Kaidan, the Curse of Oiwa, which was already something that Shiraishi did to wonderful effect in Noroi: The Curse.  Sadly, the results here are more ridiculous than wonderful, as Ôsako's douchebag director goes full on psychotic maniac, beating the shit out of two people with a bat, killing one of them, punching his grandfather, kicking his partner Chika Kuboyama while screaming at her, (again), traveling back in time to kill two more people, and then turning into a tentacle demon or something himself while Kuboyama is decapitated in the embarrassing CGI neather-realm that the cameraman still manages to get pristine footage from.  We are given an explanation to all this which works as well as any in such convoluted world building, but the series has jumped the shark as far as adhering to a found footage framework.  In the meta "logic" of this world, each movie is released to the public, but how the events here could be shown to anyone is simply a pill that is too moronic to swallow.

 

SENRITSU KAIKI FILE KOWASUGI: FINAL CHAPTER

(2015)

Dir - Kōji Shiraishi

Overall: MEH

 

Any time that a horror property utilizes the word "final" in its title, that is only a guarantee that at least six further sequels are still on the way.  For round seven in the Senritsu Kaiki File Kowasugi series, filmmaker Kōji Shiraishi tries to both bring everything full circle and dig himself out of the preposterous hole that his universe has dug itself into, opening the film with the one returning cast member who is not stuck in an evil dimension and/or missing limbs, (Kôji Shiraishi), explaining the state of still unsolved affairs.  Japan is on lock-down after a horrendously bad CGI giant was seen hovering in the sky by presumably millions, meanwhile all of the incriminating and otherworldly footage from the last movie was released and still labeled a "hoax" by authorities.  So in other words, Shiraishi only digs himself further in the implausible muck.  The good news is that it is impossible to take Senritsu Kaiki File Kowasugi: Final Chapter seriously on any level, since Shiraishi has concocted so many "Wait, WTF?" rules, so we are beyond the point of plausibility and into full on gonzo J-horror land.  The initial "monster of the week" trajectory is long gone, but everything has escalated to such an wacky place that Shiraishi can at least be applauded for his arbitrary and reckless inventiveness.  Plus, (finally), Shigeo Ôsako and Chika Kuboyama actually crack a smile and laugh at their toxic relationship and the whole absurdity of the end of the world scenario.

2015 Horror Part Eighteen

QUEEN OF EARTH

Dir - Alex Ross Perry
Overall: MEH

 

Indie writer/director Alex Ross Perry's mumblecore psychological drama Queen of the Earth has been compared to John Hancock's 1971 film Let's Scare Jessica to Death in that they each concern a woman with mental health issues gradually succumbing to madness in an isolated summer location.  Perry's work here, (and mumblecore in general), also has aesthetic similarities to regional low-budget filmmaking that came in the wake of New Hollywood's emergence, which is to say that the same story could have easily been told the same way five decades prior.  In any event, the results here are uneven at best.  It is a performance triumph for its two leads in Elisabeth Moss and Katherine Waterston; best friends who are perpetually defensive with each other, each one suffering an emotional breakdown a year apart, which is something that the movie cross-cuts between.  Moss is the primary focus as well as the one who exhibits more severe deterioration, going as far as to collapse on the floor at a party, convinced that everyone is grasping for her like ghouls, Rosemary's Baby style.  Unfortunately, Perry's monologue-heavy dialog is pretentious and unnatural, plus nobody on screen seems to like each other most of the time, despite how we are told that they are either lovers or friends.  On top of the largely inaudible dialog, (the sound design is particularly poor), it is a meandering and melodramatic watch.

 

HANGMAN

Dir - Adam Mason
Overall: GOOD

 

Sans a few plausibility jumps which were bound to find their way into the proceedings granted the risky nature of the premise, Adam Mason's Hangman is a mostly white-knuckled thriller that makes fine use of the found footage gimmick.  The entire film is comprised of footage that was shot by a home intruder, but the way that it is edited together is as unsettling as his actions themselves.  Our unnamed and almost entirely nonspeaking antagonist pauses, zooms, and rewinds certain moments that give us all the information that we need as to his motives, all the while the hapless family that he is playing a long, clandestine, and terrorizing game with never catches on, until it is too late of course.  Though there are some sporadic moments of brutality, the presentation wisely steers clear of torture porn exploitation, which is something that it easily could have indulged in.  Instead, it gives us a disturbing front row seat to a killer's stalking agenda, something that is bound to creep out any viewer that is procrastinating about installing a security system in their home.  Still, there are some hangups to the plotting, namely how increasingly brazen the villain becomes, including moments that we do not see where he apparently has nightly chats with the family's youngest son who just assumes that he was talking to a guy in his dreams.  Mostly though, it passes the icebox test without insulting the viewer.

 

ANGUISH

Dir - Sonny Mallhi

Overall: MEH

 

The first effort behind the lens from producer-turned-director Sonny Mallhi, Anguish is not a remake of the lousy 1987 film of the same name by Bigas Luna, but instead a sobering possession story that is primarily concerned with working through grief and mental illness hardships.  It has some familiar motifs that had been used before and since with stories of departed spirits who are unable to move on and locate a host body to linger in, and Mallhi takes a dour approach that is appropriate for the sincere material, yet also wields nothing unique as far as horror tropes go.  These genre-pandering moments are both infrequent and unconvincing, (psyche-outs, jump scares, chase sequences, and an emotionally invisible protagonist who shares little to none of the supernatural turmoil that she is experiencing with others), but Mallhi's script plays the psychological card so prominently that his stylistic be it hackneyed choices seem appropriate.  At the same time though, it is clear that Ryan Simpkins is not merely suffering from her own neurodivergent ailments since the otherworldly aspects take center stage, which seems like a missed opportunity to explore how immeasurably more difficult it would be for a teenager on the spectrum to deal with intruding influences from the after life.  Mallhi's movie does go into all of this, plus the performances and tone are nothing but consistent, yet it feels both rushed and stuck in the weeds at the same time.

2015 Horror Part Seventeen

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEB

Dir - Kyle Rankin

Overall: MEH

 

Though there are more egregious examples out there, (hello, Werewolves Within), the zombie comedy Night of the Living Deb still manages to suffer from a never-ending slew of quirky characters whose behavior remains grating throughout the film's entirety.  Director Kyle Rankin and producer Michael Cassidy Kickstarted their "Zombie-Rom-Com" and shot it in the former's hometown of Portland, Maine, which proves agreeable for the small town trajectory where a shady governor inexplicably pollutes the water supply and anyone who drank the local fluids turns flesh-muncher on the morning of the Fourth of July.  Problems arise right away with Maria Thayer's peppy and obnoxious title character who does arbitrarily things like quoting Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, not being able to take a hint to save her life, playfully running over zombies with zero remorse mere moments after the outbreak begins, telling non-dramatic anecdotes, and exhibiting the type of sarcasm that explains why she has no friends.  Cassidy plays her love interest and does not come off much better, (he is a Debbie Downer environmentalist trying to overcompensate for his lack of machismo, fueled by white privilege), and the two make the type of "opposites attract" couple that only exists in the most hackneyed of movies.  Ray Wise also shows up to be a goofball, providing some much needed likeability.

SAVAGELAND

Dir - Phil Guidry/Simon Herbert/David Whelan

Overall: MEH

 

The sole directorial effort from writer/producers Phil Guidry, Simon Herbert, and David Whelan, Savageland suffers from plausibility blunders, which undermine its admirable attempt to explore a type of U.S. border paranoia that is even more topical today than when the film was released.  A mockumentary, it explores the aftermath of nearly an entire town getting brutally butchered, many to the point of nonrecognition.  The lone suspect is also the only survivor; a quiet and eccentric illegal immigrant who is raving and found covered with blood, only to verbally and emotionally shut down once in custody.  Taking place in the fictional borderland of Sangre De Cristo, Arizona, it provides ample opportunity for right wing bigots to condemn the accused sight on scene, and through a series of interviews, we encounter many such blatantly racist citizens, as well as those who point out the many things that do not add up in the authority's story.  Some of the movie's issues stem from these glaring omissions, including photographic evidence taken by the accused of people being murdered by other assailants, said photographs and a taped interview the accused never being presented in two different trials, the accused having bite marks on him that match the victims, and the logistical aspect of how a single person was able to massacre groups of people to smithereens out in the open.  Elsewhere though, the dialog, (spoken by talking heads in standard documentary fashion), is dreadful and full of hyperbolic proclamations made for dramatic effect, which is not helped by a handful of over-the-top performances.

 

CIRCLE

Dir - Aaron Hann/Mario Miscione

Overall: MEH

After wrapping up their similarly Twilight Zone-esque series The Vault, writer/producer/directors Aaron Hann and Mario Miscione delivered their first full-length with the 12 Angry Men sci-fi variant Circle.  While Sidney Lumet's famed adaptation of Reginald Rose's teleplay serves as the deliberate inspiration, the story is not a direct rewrite, and it also bares a resemblance to Vincenzo Natali's Cube series.  Here we have another crop of strangers who wake up in a dark, foreboding, and possibly alien environment where they have to figure out the deadly rules that are picking all of them off, all while fighting their own intolerance and paranoia.  This leads to eighty-seven straight minutes played out in real time in a single location where everyone takes turns pointing fingers and justifying why minorities, criminals, lesbians, and every other diverse and unwilling participate deserves to either live or die.  The good part is that most of the raving assholes meet a quick demise, the bad part is that the entire film is made up of nothing but these assholes all taking a turn grabbing the spotlight in their desperate and judgemental plight.  Once the premise is established, there is simply nowhere else for the narrative to go other than exploring tired themes of scared people unloading their prejudices upon each other.  With an exciting payoff and/or some likeable Henry Fonda types to be the level-headed voice of reason, it could have steered clear of being merely an exhausting and cynical viewing experience. 

2015 Horror Part Sixteen

THE PRIESTS

Dir - Jang Jae-hyun

Overall: GOOD

The full-length debut The Priests, (Geomeun Sajedeul), from writer/director Jang Jae-hyun arrived the same year as his short film 12th Assistant Deacon from which it expands upon.  Bringing schlocky exorcism motifs into South Korea has a novelty to it all on its own, but thankfully Jang weaves his familiar materials into something compelling, funny, and agreeably paced.  It brings to mind the usual demonic possession movies that have endlessly spawned in The Exorcist's wake, with a little of Francis Lawrence's A-budgeted Constantine thrown in that focuses on some of the inner politics of Eastern Catholicism and the fun pairing of a rogue Father and a naive Deacon who through personal trauma, find a way to lock horns in squaring off against an ancient demon that of course has ensnared itself in a teenage girl.  The first act dishes in the most humor where Gang Dong-won's bumbling religious student gets tasked with the job; a job that he takes seriously and proves more adept at as his research deepens.  Kim Yoon-seok is equally interesting and amusing as the no-nonsense veteran who has the power of occult knowledge and unwavering faith at his disposal, all of which culminates in a lengthy final act that finally gets to the blasphemy-spewing eviction of the unwanted spirit.  It goes big at this point, but the suspense and emotional turmoil are effectively kept in check.

SECRETS OF A PSYCHOPATH

Dir - Bert I. Gordon

Overall: WOOF

At ninety-three years old, Bert I. Gordon inexplicably returned to the director's chair with Secrets of a Psychopath, though any B-movie fans who may rejoice at such news will quickly be disappointed.  That is because this digitally-shot, minuscule-budgeted sleaze-fest exist in a universe where people behave like people who do not exist in any plausible universe.  Considering that Gordon penned the screenplay as well, it is sadly a case of a noticeably out-of-touch filmmaker who has not seen a contemporary movie in decades, or maybe has not even left his house to interact with anyone younger than him in as many decades.  Mark Famiglietti looks like a typical, boyish CW hunk, playing a character who is impotent, traumatized, and in an incestuous relationship with his sister, (skin queen Kari Wuher), who just so happens to be twelve years his senior.  Every plot point is hilariously "Huh?", from overtly attractive people hooking up, (and even marrying each other), with no safety net on a dating site, the cops having no idea how to follow-up on such obvious leads, Famiglietti burying a guy in his suburban backyard in broad daylight, Famiglietti getting aggressively picked up at a movie theater by an equally good looking lady who finds his childish cackles at race cars irresistible, and every character saying words that are so ridiculous and behaving in such cartoonishly illogical ways that the script would barely have to be tweaked to work in a Larry Blamire production.  If not the worst movie ever made about a guy who bangs his sister and murders people, it is easily the most embarrassing.

 

KILL ME PLEASE

Dir - Anita Rocha de Silveira

Overall: MEH

Brazilian filmmaker Anita Rocha de Silveira attempts her own aimless answer to David Robert Mitchell's also aimless It Follows with Kill Me Please, (Mate-Me Por Favor).  Set in upper class Rio de Janerio, it follows, (nyuck nyuck), a similar shtick of adolescents existing in a hazy world where hardly any adults enter into frame, all while a serial killer or a slew of them are picking off young women around their own age.  This captivates an entire school but not in any palpable way.  Instead, these young women are drawn to the crimes either by unexcitingly gossiping, making Secret Hitler-styled games out of it, or in the case of the particularly aloof Valentina Herszage, letting them morph her persona into someone who would probably fall in line with the group of zombied-out car crash fetishists in David Cronenberg's Crash.  Sadly though, there is no rhyme or reason to what transpires here, either aesthetically or narratively.  Scenes linger on for ages and many of them could be argued as being pointless, but de Silveira's screenplay seems to thrive on such an agenda where only vaguely interesting and disturbing things are happening to young people that are going about their lives unchecked while danger is all but surrounding them.  It is a difficult movie to crack yet unlike some of the surrealist cinema that it clearly channels, there is no oddball humor or emotional connection to be found.

2015 Horror Part Fifteen

DARLING

Dir - Mickey Keating

Overall: MEH

Yet another deliberate homage of better, more famous horror movies from writer/director Mickey Keating, Darling is his attempt at something that could fit into Roman Polanski's "Apartment Trilogy", be it one that is ruined by its author's usual, ill-suited choices.  Keating has proven himself to be a fan of the genre that he exclusively works in, channeling other filmmaker's works while adhering to lazy stylistic inconsistencies that undermine some otherwise effective elements.  Lauren Ashley Carter makes for an alluringly quirky protagonist, who says little yet runs through the gamut of emotions as a new house-sitter for one of New York City's most allegedly haunted establishments.  Shot in black and white with many symmetrically pleasing shots as well as an abundance of ominous atmosphere, it is a goddamn shame that Keating interjects so many arbitrary, subliminal cuts set to ear-splitting screeching noises while relying on incidental music to tell the audience that something creepy is happening instead of just letting us soak in the reclusive setting's natural silence; something that would be a hundred times more suspenseful and eerie.  Also annoying is that Carter's character has no character; she is merely a mentally ill person, (or so we are desperately left to assume), who walks around, stares wildly while motionless, and breaks into spontaneous psychotic episodes until the whole thing ends on an undeserved ambiguous note.

EMELIE

Dir - Michael Thelin

Overall: MEH

 

An unpleasant and ergo annoying babysitter thriller, Emelie is the full-length debut from music documentary filmmaker Michael Thelin and screenwriter Richard Raymond Harry Herbeck.  The opening scene sets the viewer on edge so that we know from the onset that something is up with Sarah Bolger's antagonist, but while there is no mystery to the fact that she is not a good guy, her increasingly concerning behavior provides the first act with some icky set pieces and firmly establishes where the danger lies at least.  Unfortunately, everything unravels quickly from there, with glaring plausibility breaks that do not even take into account how the logistics of Bolger's end game are laughably shortsighted.  We are given a brief scene to explain WHY she went bonkers, but she seems more on a suicidal mission of self-destruction than anything else, begging the question of why she prologues such a charade in the first place.  Weak plotting and disturbing subject matter make poor bedfellows, but throw in an anticlimactic ending on top of the whole thing and this is a badly-executed mess.

THE DEAD ROOM

Dir - Jason Stutter

Overall: MEH

No better or worse, (OK maybe a little worse), than your average ghost hunting supernatural yarn that was allegedly inspired by an urban legend, The Dead Room is burdened by both its formulaic ingredients and merely passable production values.  Directed and co-scripted by Jason Stutter, it throws three paranormal investigators into a haunted house in the middle of the woods where the previous family left in a hurry, and they proceed to encounter poltergeist activity that is exclusively arbitrary.  At first, the ghost only does mild things at exactly 3 AM like make a banging noise, repeatedly opening the front door, or just triggering the crew's motion censor cameras.  Before too long though because the movie needs more things to happen, the invisible "tall man" gets more aggressive and goes after the unwanted human guests, which is both interpreted as a warning to leave and as something not at all dangerous so that they can stick around and document more.  Each character is a different type of lazy stereotype, (the practical and cynical scientist, the gothy spiritualist medium, and the family man tech nerd), and neither their stock dialog or illogical behavior comes off as plausible.  It also does not help that Laura Petersen is borderline awful as the sensitive psychic, though the material itself deserves the brunt of the blame.  The twist ending is as hacky as everything that came before it, but at least the movie is less than ninety minutes and Peter Jackson's main man Jed Brophy is in it.

2015 Horror Part Fourteen

ANGELICA

Dir - Mitchell Lichtenstein

Overall: MEH

 

For his first non-comedic feature Angelica, filmmaker Mitchell Lichtenstein instead goes for Gothic, psychological melodrama, only with inconsistent results.  An adaptation of Arthur Phillips' novel of the same name, the Victorian London setting is well-realized with intricately detailed interiors and costumes that make for a picturesque aesthetic to hinge a chilling story of postmortem depression, sexual frustration, and good ole fashioned mental illness overcoming a troubled woman who lives out her later years harboring a disturbing secret.  Jena Malone technically takes on a dual role as both the title character and her mother Constance, though she only appears as the former via bookending segments since the plot unfolds as an elongated flashback.  One of countless gaslit women in genre movies, Malone does an admirable job with the bog-standard material as her character tries to navigate her own unrelenting, diabolical fantasies which only come off as a severe case of helicopter parenting and societal anxieties about no longer having the desire or capability to fulfill her expected spousal duties.  There is some terrible CGI that unfortunately gets too much screen time, rendering any and all possible spookiness null and void, but it is competently produced and tonally solid despite having a merely mediocre story line.

 

THE MIND'S EYE

Dir - Joe Begos

Overall: WOOF

 

Independent writer/director Joe Begos begins his sophomore full-length The Mind's Eye with a proclamation that the following movie should be played "loud" and in this respect, the proceeding hour and twenty-seven minutes has enough wide-eyed, face-contorting, volume-jacked aggression to make it an action throwback that is either purposely or accidentally stupid.  Nothing to take too seriously by design, (one would hope), it is harmless in a sense to watch several familiar faces from modern, low-budget indie flicks scream and grimace their way through unapologetic schlock, with Graham Skipper, Jeremy Gardner, Noah Segan, Lauren Ashley Carter, and everyone's favorite B-movie maverick Larry Fessenden doing their best with the Scanners/Firestarter/Redbox bargain basement material.  Most of the actors here are trying too hard, (particularly John Speredakos as a ridiculous, scenery-chewing, and one-note villain), looking foolish in the process with their hilarious mugging and hackneyed monologues.  In these thespian's defense though, Begos script is pure, juvenile, comic-book camp; the kind that fuses with an inherently silly, cinematic sub-genre in only the most embarrassing and bombastic way.  Because all of the violent, "fuck"-ridden yelling and a pummeling synth score is clearly "cool" enough to get by.

GHOST THEATER

Dir - Hideo Nakata

Overall: MEH

Hideo Nakata's own remake of his 1996 film Don't Look Up is unfortunately just as subpar, taking a more generic approach to an already bog-standard mystery concerning a haunted mannequin that is plaguing a theater production by sucking the life-force out of its victims.  Accurately re-titled Ghost Theater, (Gekijourei), the characters visit an unwelcoming recluse who dumps an expository explanation on them without making eye contact, supernatural activity happens to people who cannot prove it to everyone else that merely dismisses them, an operatic musical score interrupts every "scary" scene, and it all leads to an unintentionally funny climax where the life-sized doll creaks and contorts itself to life while everyone stares wide-eyed at it.  Hardly the stuff of nightmares as Nakata seems to be sleep-walking through the proceedings, which begs the question as to why he revisited the material in the first place if he was only going to tweak a few insignificant details and present it in such an uninspired manner.  It is hardly terrible, but as far as vengeful spirit J-horror is concerned, this one is as unnecessary and forgettable as they get.

2015 Horror Part Thirteen

THE ATTICUS INSTITUTE

Dir - Chris Sparling

Overall: MEH

 

A frustrating mockumentary that mixes ill-suited performances, daft plotting, and derivative supernatural details, writer/director Christ Sparling's sophomore effort and first in the horror camp The Atticus Institute gradually loses its audience with its shoddy presentation.  Usually for a fake documentary to work, it is imperative that a cast of unknowns is utilized, but seeing actors who are prolific enough to have their own Wikipedia pages all engage in talking head interviews and faux archival footage makes for a difficult pill to swallow.  Worse are the unintentionally schlocky performances, especially from said interview segments which are hilariously melodramatic and ergo unconvincing.  The period-set, 1970s footage fares better to a point and has a fittingly grainy aesthetic, but much of it is too cinimatically staged to work and again, the actors are frequent to convey B-movie camp instead of docudrama realism.  Poor Rya Kihlstedt's portrayal amounts to nothing more than a caricature of "possessed woman in horror flicks", contorting her body in a demonically aloof haze, with frequent outbursts of obnoxious screaming thrown in for jump scare purposes.  A swing and a miss, its earlier moments at least convey some intriguing dread, be it the kind that ultimately results in a missed opportunity.

 

POD

Dir - Mickey Keating

Overall: WOOF

The sophomore effort Pod from independent filmmaker Mickey Keating is a maddening bombardment of horrendously obnoxious characters giving themselves aneurysms while screaming at each other as one jump scare and deafening noise bombards the proceedings after another.  Meant to be a high-octane science-fiction thriller except done on a minuscule budget, the story concerns a raving, mentally ill asshole isolating himself in the woods while his just as annoying siblings attempt an intervention without believing a word that he says until of course it is way too late.  Things go from bad to worse as the intimate, hand-held camera never sits still, the foaming-at-the-mouth arguing never stops, and the blaring sound design should legally qualify as a hate crime.  As unwatchable as it is hackneyed and derivative, Keating's steadfast collaborator in Larry Fessenden eventually brings some schlocky charm to the proceedings which while appreciated, is far too little too late and also jives incorrectly with the deadly serious tone.  It is yet one more element to a messy whole, but at least the whole thing is only an hour and eighteen minutes and the alien monster looks halfway decent for the couple of seconds where it is on screen.

 

BLOODSUCKING BASTARDS
Dir - Brian James O'Connell
Overall: MEH

There are a couple of laughs to be had in Brian James O'Connell's R-rated chuckles-fest Bloodsucking Bastards, an Office Space meets Shaun of the Dead hybrid with vampires.  Suffering from the common ailment of many contemporary indie comedies, almost every character is annoyingly quirky sans Fran Kranz' unassuming everyman and his ex played by Emma Fitzpatrick who serve as the only two people on screen that are yanking their hair out at the outrageous predicament that everyone else either takes in stride or is too busy indulging in their eccentricities to notice.  There are far worse offenders of this faulty trope where one guy is normal and everyone else is goofy instead of the other way around, but it does lend itself to a mixed bag of nyuck nyucks where some of them hit while others are painfully lazy and predictable.  Thankfully, O'Connell goes for crass laughs, with a cartoonish amount of blood splatter, frequent sex, masturbation, and porn jokes, plus the usual amount of cubicle-based humor where nobody takes their job seriously except for the hard working ones who cannot seem to catch a break in their department.  Throwing the undead into the mix is as good of an idea as any, but the plotting is flimsy at best and the agenda would probably play out just the same if the script by Sean Cowhig, Neil Garguilo, and Ryan Mitts utilized any other movie monster besides the one that it went with.

2015 Horror Part Twelve

FRANKENSTEIN

Dir - Bernard Rose

Overall: MEH

 

Not to be confused with 20th Century Fox' misguided schlock-fest Victor Frankenstein from the same year, writer/director Bernard Rose's Frankenstein is a modern, kind-of adaptation of Marry Shelley's novel.  Done on a small-scale budget with a couple of recognizable faces on board such as Danny Huston, Carrie-Anne Moss, and Tony Todd, the angle was to contemporarily contextualize the often-filmed source material from the Creature's point of view, here played by Xavier Samuel and called both "Adam" and "Monster" depending on his speech development and the information that he has obtained.  Such a concept is interesting in fits and starts, like Samuel having a Freudian obsession with Moss' "mother" doctor, his doomed interaction with a well-meaning prostitute, and his friendship with Todd's homeless blind man who is a clever stand-in from the hermit in Shelley's novel.  Elsewhere, there are some sloppy plot malfunctions, icky gore, a dog getting shot, and a cartoonishly evil cop for overblown reasons which make for more of a miserable viewing experience than a compelling one. 

HE NEVER DIED

Dir - Jason Krawczyk

Overall: GOOD

 

A wonderful showcase for Henry Rollins' limited yet ideally-suited thespian abilities, He Never Died is a quirky crime comedy that somehow manages to throw in a cannibalistic immortal who is both a biblical figure and probably Vlad the Impaler.  Shot in Toronto and on a minimal budget, Rollins is the centerpiece of the whole thing and in virtually every scene, stealing them with his withered, zero nonsense, and deadpan delivery.  The character's interaction with the world around him is what provides the movie with all of its humor.  A creature of pure logic, he reiterates brutally honest information, asks the most pressing questions over and over again in an attempt to get an answer, walks away from, interrupts, or slams the door in people's faces that he has no interest in dealing with, and only engages in vague deception in order to spare those that would otherwise be in harm's way or just annoy him with their own inquiries.  The plot is similarly inconsequential to that of The Big Lebowski and concerns disorganized organized crime, which Rollins Jack/Cane/Vlad protagonist barely seems bothered with until such shenanigans force him to "fall off the wagon" and engage in vampire-adjacent activity again.  Hilarious and inventive if not altogether action packed, it is ridiculous in the most low-key way and probably features the best performance that Rollins has yet to give.

JERUZALEM

Dir - Doron Paz/Yav Paz

Overall: MEH

The sophomore effort from the Paz brothers Doron and Yav, JeruZalem is a flawed and formulaic found footage work that still manages to pack in a few memorable moments.  Shot on location in Jerusalem and featuring many of the title city's historical landmarks, it follows through on its obviously broadcasted set-ups and sticks to a familiar framework of two young adults who are off to a foreign land for some much needed vacation time, only to get trapped there due to some End of Days shenanigans.  It is past the halfway point until such horrors are finally brought to the screen and while the long wait may not sit well for the more impatient viewer out there, it gets us in tune with the small crop of characters in order to care about them when things go inevitably haywire.  The third act is messy in its derivative beat adherence, offering up some questionable plot maneuvers that hinge on hackneyed, "stupid people in horror movies" behavior.  Also problematic are the sub-par performances and less than impressive, CGI monster hi-jinks that have been seen countless times before.  That said, the brothers Paz have a few tricks up their sleeves with some refreshing biblical details and a few startling teases of otherworldly entities that are not just loud, screechy, cartoon zombie things.  Better and earlier counterparts exist such as Cloverfield and As Above, So Below to name two obvious ones, but for anyone who is clamoring for more of the same, this may still suffice.

Japanese Ju-on Series Part Three

JU-ON: THE BEGINNING OF THE END

(2014)

Dir - Masayuki Ochiai

Overall: MEH

 

Just as unnecessary as a reboot as it is a sequel, Ju-on: The Beginning of the End, (Ju-on: Owari no Hajimari), retells the same series of events in the same manner as Takashi Shimizu's 2000 SOV original and its many other follow-ups.  The seventh Japanese installment thus far, (not counting the three American versions), renowned J-horror writer/director Masayuki Ochiai takes the helm, staging a number of predictable vignettes inside of the cursed Saeki haunted house where the creepy underwear ghost with a bowl cut and the one that makes loud creaky noises while crawling around all spider-like take turns with their inevitable appearances.  The redundant nature of the franchise is not helped by a low-end, flatly digital presentation which though comparatively more polished than the initial style that Shimizu utilized for budgetary constraints, does little to rejuvenate an already stale formula.  With no new narrative avenues to explore, exclusively underwritten characters, and the particular set pieces being more arbitrary in nature than ever, Ochiai is left to merely kick more sand around in a limited sandbox.  Even if some of them are awkwardly silly, at least there are a small handful of striking visual moments, particularly in the final sequence which finally kicks some much-needed yet still superfluous life into the proceedings.

JU-ON: THE FINAL CURSE

(2015)

Dir - Masayuki Ochiai

Overall: MEH

 

A direct sequel to the previous year's Ju-on: The Beginning of the End from filmmaker Masayuki Ochiai, Ju-on: The Final Curse, (Ju-on -Za Fainaru), is comparatively more meandering than its immediate predecessor, which unfortunately also comes at the cost of memorable set pieces.  We pick up with a fresh crop of characters, (some of whom are related to the one's that have previously been seen), yet this hardly matters as none of them are interesting and their only purpose seems to be as fodder for more interchangeable supernatural occurrences.  Both of the Saeki spectre's get ample screen time for this round and they arrive in the most random of fashions.  Per example, Kayako's creaking ghost lady can appear in front of any character that she wishes, only for her to have to creep outside of a barricaded door long enough for people to exchange potent dialog with each other.  Such examples are many and the reasonable ninety-minute running time feels twice as long under the derivative strain of it all.  Director Ochiai still has the good sense to keep the mood on the dread-fueled side, but he and producer/co-screenwriter Takashige Ichise's story is arguably the most humdrum in the series.  Of course, no horror fan on the planet can be fooled by the "final" word in the title as this would hardly be the last Ju-on movie to get unleashed, with more on the way from both sides of the Pacific.

SADAKO VS. KAYAKO

(2016)

Dir - Kōji Shiraishi

Overall: MEH

"My curse and your curse will fight.  Its the only way to save our lives".  Such a silly sentiment sits at the heart of the inevitable and gimmicky crossover Sadako vs. Kayako, (Sadako bāsasu Kayako), which brings both the Ringu and Ju-on franchises together in lackluster fashion.  With someone like writer/ director Kōji Shiraishi at the helm, (who granted does his best work in the found footage avenue, which neither one of these properties have ever ventured into), one may think that he could concoct something that at least leaned into its doofiness more.  Instead, the movie plays such an inescapably schlocky premise straight, creating zero menace or atmospheric tension in the process, though try as it does.  While the pairing of each singular story line makes as much sense as could be expected once two expert ghost-hunting supernatural psychic occult experts have the logical idea to pit the title ghosts against each other in order to cancel themselves out, it takes until the last act for this to happen.  Everything that comes before is simply a rehash of set pieces that we have seen in each enterprise dozens of times.  Also, everybody makes sure to stand extra still in order for the vengeance spirits to get them, the girl from Ringu's well just happens to be in the backyard of the Saeki haunted house for convenience's sake, and then a big CGI tree monster happens.

2015 Horror Part Eleven

HOWL

Dir - Paul Hyett

Overall: MEH

 

For his directorial follow-up to the unwatchable piece of absolute shit The Seasoning House, visual effects/make-up artist Paul Hyett switches gears with the shameless, gimmicky B-movie Howl.  The set-up is simple and the structure formulaic of a bunch of people trapped in a single location who have to stop arguing with each other in order to survive being besieged by viscous beasts.  So in other words, a zombie movie except with werewolves.  Though the unoriginality is not a detriment in and of itself, Mark Huckerby and Nick Ostler's script is full of lame-brain plotting, terrible, uninterrupted monologues, and unlikable characters, many of whom are obnoxious assholes and/or morons for the mere dramatic sake of it.  On the plus and only unique side, the creature design relies more on practical makeup than CGI, making an interesting lycanthropian look that is more demon and Neanderthal than conventional wolfman.  The tone is too miserable and the characters too one-note and annoying to make the intended humor connect, but for fans of dopey schlock who also enjoy cool monsters, this might be worth sitting through.

 

GHOST MOUNTAINEER

Dir - Urmas E. Liiv

Overall: MEH

 

The first non-documentary film from Estonian writer/director Urmas E. Liiv, Ghost Mountaineer, (Must alpinist), tells a fictionalized account of an alleged true story involving a group of students trekking through the Siberian mountain ranges only to end up in a remote Buryate village where things get vaguely sinister.  The first act is set up more in a documentary fashion with the characters providing narration over photographs and the like, but all of that is oddly abandoned once they emerge from the mountains and things settle into murky waters where aloof supernatural elements, Soviet-era politics, suspicion, and aggression all co-mingle in an incoherent fashion.  Several things are alluded to throughout the film, (some mystical and some not), but Liiv never establishes the extent of the stakes and much of the cultural hospitality troubles that the characters find themselves in come off as equally unclear.  It is a frustrating watch from a narrative perspective, but the performances are solid and Ants Martin Vahur's cinematography is captivating, capturing both the expansive beauty and horror of the harsh winter terrain.

 

REGRESSION

Dir - Alejandro Amenábar

Overall: MEH

 

Writer/director Alejandro Amenábar's long-awaited, quasi-return to supernatural horror in Regression is well acted and consistently eerie, yet it is also surprisingly formulaic and disappointing coming from such a high-caliber filmmaker.  Set in 1990 at the tail end of the Satanic panic heyday, the story is a conglomerate of several documented cases that have either been proven or widely accepted to be hoaxes, with Amenábar crafting a psychological thriller where regression therapy as well as traumatized imaginations weave dangerous results.  All of the performances are up to par with Ethan Hawke being excellent as always as a headstrong detective and Emma Watson ideally cast as the young, would-be victim.  The problem lies in the presentation which is deadly serious besides being essentially nothing more than melancholic schlock.  To Amenábar's credit, the used of hooded figures with cartoonishly creepy, painted faces conducting black masses full of baby sacrifices, child molestation, and cannibalism is meant to be cliched as it all stems from sensationalized reports, but the plotting is too textbook to deliver any profound, real world revelations.

2015 Horror Part Ten

THE GIFT

Dir - Joel Edgerton

Overall: GOOD

 

An impressive directorial debut from writer/actor Joel Edgerton, the grown-up bully aftermath thriller The Gift rides that razor-thin line of clever and formulaic with top-notch performances all around.  The script toys with the ole "Nice person must be up to something sinister" trope throughout its first act which makes for several uncomfortable moments.  While most of the behavior exhibited by the people on screen is believable due to gradually fleshed-out characterizations, there are still a couple of logical gaps that unfortunately break verisimilitude.  As things get more intense towards the finish line, it almost bypasses its expertly unnerving, psychological manipulation for crude shock value, but Edgerton maintains a tight control over such a balance which makes the entire thing that much more suspenseful.  Rebecca Hall does her usual excellent work, (with a rock solid American accent to boot this time), and Edgerton appropriately keeps the audience guessing as to the extent of his intentions, but Jason Bateman steals the show in an against-type portrayal that is the most dynamic and challenging of the lot.

BE MY CAT: A FILM FOR ANNE

Dir - Adrian Țofei

Overall: GOOD

 

Notable as Romania's first found footage horror movie and the debut from filmmaker Adrian Tofei, (who also appears on screen and handles all levels of production), Be My Cat: A Film for Anne is of the disturbing meta variety previously established by Man Bites Dog in that its initial black comedy elements turn uncomfortably dark.  Tofei developed the project over a number of years as something that blurs the line between documentary and method delusion and the movie-within-a-movie for the purpose of another movie framework has a purposeful authenticity to it that is deeply troubling.  Allegedly, only first takes were used and the actors did not meet each other until the camera was already rolling.  As one of only three major speaking characters on screen and by far the most prominent one, Tofei is terrifying in his eccentric obsessiveness, utilizing broken English and clueless glee as he films his undying love letter for Anne Hathaway amidst self-justified, deranged, and deadly behavior.  Some of the plot developments may be too aloof to buy into and it is far from a feel good experience, but the latter at least is certainly the point.  As a viscerally bizarre watch then, the stark presentation only enhances its ability to get under the viewer's skin.

 

TALES OF HALLOWEEN

Dir - Neil Marshall/Darren Lynn Bousman/Axelle Carolyn/Lucky McKee/Andrew Kasch/Paul Solet/John Skipp/Adam Gierasch/Jace Anderson/Mike Mendez/Ryan Schifrin/Dave Parker

Overall: WOOF

In the short running as one of the most unwatchably braindead anthology horror films ever made, Tales of Halloween serves no morally admirable purpose besides providing a handful of genre regulars with a paycheck.  As is often the case with such comedic horror movies which behave as if aggressively bombarding the audience with as many stupid and loud cliches as possible with a smirking attitude is all that is necessary to equal funny, everything is played simultaneously straight and nauseatingly camped-up.  Any laughs to be found are purely accidental which is not helped by every single story premise being a moronic, lazily constructed rush-job.  This is both surprising and disappointing considering some of the otherwise efficient talent on board.  Neil Marshall and Lucky McKee have respectable works between them but their segments here are as daft as those from the other slew of filmmakers who come from much more unapologetically schlocky backgrounds.  Clearly everyone's hearts were in the right place by making something so lighthearted, silly, and gore-ridden, but it simply comes off as a groan-worthy assault on the senses that overstays its welcome before the opening credits are even finished rolling.

2015 Horror Part Nine

TAG

Dir - Sion Sono

Overall: GOOD

 

The relentlessly challenging headtrip Tag, (Real Onigokko), is filmmaker Sion Sono's adaptation of Yusuke Yamada's novel Riaru Onigokko which had also been cinematically made in 2008 as The Chasing World by Issei Shibata.  Set to ethereal shoegazing music from Glim Spanky, the film starts off with a bang and then patiently meanders around with a handful of other left-field endeavors thrown in to up the strangeness.  While it becomes increasingly difficult to put together in any conventional narrative sense, the film's themes about destiny and fate seen through a feminist lens seem to become that much more important.  Even the way that the movie uses visually amateurish CGI appears to somehow enhance its otherworldly nature as it endlessly flows into one more dream state after the other.  The culmination of events is not likely to spell anything out in plain English, (or Japanese in this case), but it leaves a lasting impact and is enticing enough to warrant repeated views to possibly grasp.  Even if comprehension is a futile endgame, it is a bold and beautiful work that if anything else is thoroughly unique.

HIDDEN

Dir - Matt Duffer/Russ Duffer

Overall: MEH

 

A year before launching Stranger Things, the Duffer brothers Matt and Russ made their halfway decent full-length debut Hidden.  Direct parallels can be drawn from this and John Krasinski's more mainstream accepted A Quiet Place, which is either a good or bad thing depending.  Some technical annoyances like an overly rusted color pallet, unnecessarily dark cinematography, shitty CGI, and a mumble-heavy dialog track do get in the way of a rather touching story of a traumatized family trying to protect themselves from a largely unseen menace.  The fact that said threat is kept off screen for the majority of the proceedings does achieve two things.  One, it lets the audience gain more sympathy for the desperate characters and two, it allows for an increasing amount of tension to be built up throughout a rather prolonged second half.  Things are broken up along the way by flashbacks that stir up one too many zombie outbreak motifs seen an abundance of times which unfortunately give it a bit of a derivative quality.  Similarly mixed feelings can be garnished from the finish as well which is both twisty and kind of sentimental-grabbing.

 

HELL HOUSE LLC

Dir - Stephen Cognetti

Overall: MEH

 

Another found footage outing ruined by justifiable criticisms often attributed to the sub-genre, Hell House LLC is the full-length debut from writer/director Stephen Cognetti who followed it up with two like minded sequels.  It would seem that the premise is well equipped enough to justify the plot holes and standard, "stupid people in horror movies doing stupid things because they're in a horror movie" motifs, but sadly this is not the case.  While arguing about how dangerous it is to be in the house of the title, numerous unexplained events are clearly caught on camera for the characters to review and they either never think to do so or seem completely unphased by them.  The finished documentary presentation which is exponentially more difficult to pull off is understandably a far bigger blunder though.  One of the benefits to the sub-genre is the naturalism with raw, unedited footage that is void of any post-production conventionalism.  So when you take that bare-bones footage and edit it to smithereens, throw creepy music on it, and add loud sound effects to jump scares, you may as well have just shot it as a normal movie.  Also, the interview segments are jarringly poor, not just because of the bad acting and weak dialog, but because even more unexplained things are captured there which still make it into the final cut for everyone to see.  It is worth a few freaky moments, but it is also heavy on the dumb.

2015 Horror Part Eight

HIGH-RISE
Dir - Ben Wheatley
Overall: MEH

As far as bringing hopeless chaos to the screen, Ben Wheatley's adaptation of J. G. Ballard's 1975 novel High-Rise assuredly succeeds.  Comically and brutally portraying the increasing collapse of the British class structure represented by the residents in an ultra-modern and posh tower block, the movie opens with madness and only briefly lingers in a bit of normalcy before the focus is primarily right back to that madness.  While its themes may be crystal clear to those who have not even read the source material, the narrative itself is a bit impenetrable.  The entire ensemble cast adapts any level of hedonistic behavior, blurring the lines between all of them.  While this is no doubt intentional, it does make it difficult to follow everyone's motives and acceptance of the lunacy they envelop themselves in.  The film feels its length as well, growing monotonous as everything goes in circles with dystopia reigning.  An adequate representation of the book it certainly is, but as a viewing experience, it is more like a one-note foray into squalor and pandemonium that beats, (and eats), a dead horse a little too much.

THE BOY
Dir - Craig Macneill
Overall: MEH

Making your themes positively obvious and having your narrative crawl along are not each exclusively poor choices to utilize when it comes to movie making.  They both slightly get in the way of The Boy though, not the first or last film with such a generic title to be released not even within a year of each other.  This is the one with Rainn Wilson, hot dogs, and spaghetti.  The first solo feature from Craig William Macneill, (who collaborated with Alexei Kaleina on 2009's The Afterlight), The Boy is very much about child neglect and not really anything else.  It can also be said that the proper mood of monotony and boredom is conveyed.  The day to day toil of having nothing to do except clean the same unused motel rooms ad nauseum and collect road kill, young Jared Breeze's title character mutters to himself and gets immediately attached to the very few strangers that come passing through.  None of this ends up for the better of course and you can see where things are going almost from the instant the movie starts.  It is adequately made in some respects, but it  is also the kind of film where you can simply read the synopsis, save yourself a hundred and five minutes of actually watching it, and come away with basically the same experience.

THE LURE
Dir - Agnieszka Smoczyńska
Overall: GOOD

More of an interesting, stylized melding of genres and folklore than a powerful or even accessible story, Agnieszka Smoczyńska's feature-length debut The Lure, (Córki dancingu - Daughters of Dancing in Polish), is probably the only 1980s-set horror musical about mermaids that will ever be made.  The film could examine any number of things besides the obvious concept of how people are both fascinated and repulsed by emerging womanhood, but it could also just be a fun, often wildly inventive indulgence of song, dance, nudity, and gore.  Smoczyńska presents a large number of musical sequences, some shown as live performances in a nightclub where the context seems more down to earth, but most being burst into song sections where everyone on screen seems to compulsively be participating.  The passage of time is portrayed liberally and the mythology of the fishfolk is reduced to a few old wives tales, (most of which are proven to be true), being tossed around.  Even during its most somber moments, the emphasis is more on beauty than anything else, (both visually and in song), all of which just enhances The Lure's whimsical quality more and more.