2000's Foreign Horror Part Seven

WILD FLOWERS
(2000)
Dir - F.A. Brabec
Overall: GOOD

Czech filmmaker F.A. Brabec's colorful, stylized adaptation of Karel Jaromír Erben's ballad collection Kytice, Wild Flowers, (not to be confused with the Eric Roberts drama Wildflowers that was released the same year), easily has enough supernatural elements to justify it as a horror-esque movie.  There are five main stories and two others that act more as loose bookends, and most of the film is rather whimsical and poetic with lush music almost consistently played throughout, the only dialog being taken from the actual Kytice ballads.  "The Wedding Dress" is the most classic horror example and a rather lively one at that.  "The Waterman", "The Noon-Day Witch", and "The Golden Spinning Wheel" are pure fairytales and all of them possess one or two dramatically eerie moments that are quite fitting to the fantasy setting.  The poems themselves are all based off of Czech folklore with a heavily religious thread throughout and Brabec more or less brings them to life in a rich, playful way.  It is simple yes, but it works as an art film that is anything but drab and again, it has got plenty of fun little macabre bits to maintain any horror buff's attention.

THE BABY'S ROOM
(2006)
Dir - Álex de la Iglesia
Overall: MEH

Originally shown on television, 6 Films to Keep You Awake at Night was a Spanish mini-series of six individual movies, naturally all horror ones.  The Baby's Room is one such entry and though it is certainly formulaic and not without its shortcomings, it nearly delivers on a creepy premise.  A handful of moments are handled successfully, with a video baby monitor and a supernatural, psychological takeover proving rather sinister if not all together logical.  The boo scares are annoying of course, which is a shame as they would actually be downright terrifying if they were not utilized in such a hackneyed, predictable manner.  Removing the loud shrieking violin noise for one is a fantastic idea that very oddly nobody ever thought to do.  Things get muddy by the end where the film fails to deliver on much of its mystery, refusing to tie-in many of its plot elements that ultimately seem to just be there because horror movies.  The nimble, seventy-seven minute running time is refreshing in some respects, but it is also the reason everything seems rather rushed because well, it is.  Álex de la Iglesia's earlier The Day of the Beast is a much more solid horror entry if one is looking to investigate any further, with The Baby's Room being more of a botched exercise.

COLD PREY 2
(2008)
Dir - Mats Stenberg
Overall: WOOF

Exhibit A for anyone who hates slasher movies.  You know how Halloween 2 takes place in a hospital immediately after the first one?  So does Cold Prey 2.  You know how the first Cold Prey ends with a final girl moment where she murders the bad guy to death?  So does Cold Prey 2, (same girl, same weapon, same location).  You know how Michael Myers has inhuman strength and is always dead but then comes back alive no matter what happens to him?  Same.  You know how slasher bad guys always find a way to make all the lights stay off so they can kill the person who turns them back on right as they do so?  Yup that is in here too.  You know how the bad guy in slasher movies always get shot in the nick of time by someone you thought was dead just as they are about to kill someones else?  Check.  You know how when your bad guy in a slasher movie is left for dead but of course he is not dead and when the characters and camera turn their back on them, they vanish into thin air?  Double check.  You know how bad guys in slasher movies have opportune times to kill people but they put it off for several hours because it is more dramatic and way more stupid when they do?  Yup.  You know how the character you least expect to show up to save the day always shows up to save the day?  Can we stop now?

2000's Foreign Horror Part Six

SUBCONSCIOUS CRUELTY
(2000)
Dir - Karmin Hussain
Overall: WOOF

It is thankfully rare that you come across a film so abysmally terrible that it belongs in its own hall of fame of awful.  Subconscious Cruelty is just such a film.  Karmin Hussain would go on to be the cinematographer on other junk such as We Are Still Here and to date has thankfully only directed one other movie besides this.  Closely resembling E. Elias Merhige's jaw-droppingly horrible Begotten more than anything else, Cruelty bludgeons the senses with unwatchable grotesqueness that goes far beyond just being pointless in every possible way, but becomes absolutely laughable as an "art film".  This is one of those avant-garde student movies that thinks it is being profound by showing genital mutilation, naked bodies riving around in ecstasy and pain, and even a guy dressed as Jesus having bloody and naked things done to him.  The first segment which goes on for a torturous forty minutes involves a lunatic who spouts some of the most embarrassing "dark" dialog you will ever here, then we see a bunch of naked people eating dirt and performing fellatio on knives, then a guy jerks off and plays with his semen, (which also happens earlier), and fantasizes about getting his bloody wang jerked off and his body parts fed to other naked people.  Pretentious nonsense of the worst kind.

THEM
(2006)
Dir - David Moreau/Xavier Palud
Overall: MEH

A prime example of the hoodie horror movement, (which is one of the sillier ones when you actually type it out), the French-Belgium Them, (Ils), strips everything down to an utterly elementary premise and execution, neither of which is all that bad.  With basically one main location and a two person cast, the movie does as much as it can with its minimal ingredients and also thankfully keeps its running time quite brisk at a mere seventy-four minutes.  The use of boo scares and very predictable set ups are liberal though and once the reveal as to what is happening is given to us, instead of it being more creepy, it actually is rather a let down.  This may be due to overkill as the home invasion/cat and mouse style of horror has been very long played-out.  Yet even when it is competently done as so here, one's mind can far too easily dance with the fantasy of something more supernatural or otherworldly occurring as opposed to just a bunch of bored kids who "just want to play".  Some may find the complete opposite to be the case and to each their own, but Them is a little too generic and underwhelming despite it also being admittingly well made.

ROGUE
(2007)
Dir - Greg McLean
Overall: MEH

Australian filmmaker Greg McLean is a bit uneven with the terribly overrated, (and terrible), Wolf Creek franchise under his belt as well as the much better yet still pedestrian killer croc movie Rogue.  Switching from the vast outback of Creek to the Australian jungle wilderness which is both beautiful and frightening, McLean goes relatively easy on the gore and focuses his efforts on tension as the viewer waits with bated breath for the giant killer animal to chomp up as many helpless people as it can.  To point out anything particularly unique about Rogue compared to so many other nature horror movies is not really possible as its efficiently generic if not altogether lame.  There is quite a long build up before the hear-racing stuff happens, which might make some of the audience go reaching for their phones in boredom.  CGI wise, it is typically unconvincing and sad to say, stupid movie logic permeates where main, likeable characters who still need to have a humorous quip at the end miraculously survive when all possible logic would dictate that they would not.  So most of the complains here can be aimed at the movie playing it very safe while being crowd pleasing all the same.  So long as you are not looking for anything wheel inventing then, it will suffice.

2000's Foreign Horror Part Five

DARK WOODS
(2003)
Dir - Pål Øie
Overall: WOOF

Beginning as a rather atmospheric, be it familiar set up of a bunch of people venturing into the woods with no cell phones under mysterious motives, Pål Øie's Dark Woods increasingly morphs into a gargantuan offender of many of the worst horror botches.  The script is ludicrously illogical.  This is one of those movies where unmistakably creepy things keep happening to people usually when they are alone, only for them to go right about their business while never uttering a word to anyone about the very concerning shit they just experienced.  Hearing weird noises or maybe even thinking you saw something for a split second in the middle of the night is one thing, but being strangled in a tent and having things thrown at you while tied up and then completely forgetting about it and going "oh hey, wanna have a smoke and a giggle?" when one of your friends arrives is just insulting.  Yet Dark Woods fares even worse when for almost the entire movie it is very explicitly laid out that one of the main protagonists has a disturbing, hidden agenda only to have that go absolutely nowhere and unveil a "twist" so moronic that it nearly turns the entire spectacle into an unintentional comedy.  With such an idiot-proof premise as this, it is almost impressive how badly they fucked it all up.  Almost.

ISOLATION
(2005)
Dir - Billy O'Brien
Overall: MEH

Rather disgusting and graphic for those not desensitized to the down and dirty chores of veterinary and farm life, Billy O'Brien's directorial debut Isolation is not for everyone's tastes.  Parasitic horror is a common enough sub-genre if we are to place Isolation in such a box and it is given a particular enough setting here with a very small group of characters and as basic of a plot as you can possibly have.  O'Brien structures his film very much like a horror movie, with music that could only fit such a thing liberally placed throughout, a handful of boo scares, and as mentioned, plenty of blood and ickyness.  The cast is sound with one exception being Marcel Iureş who seems very out of place with an exaggerated, schlocky performance.  The ending is a bit underwhelming too, with a lazy chase scene and a pretty predictable final tag.  Now back to the grossness.  One can definitely do without seeing a cow get a hand shoved up its ass multiple times and then witness an entire calf-birthing process, both in generous detail with squishy sound effects to boot.  Though even if you can stomach such things, there really is not that much to offer here to make it worth one's time.

5150 ELM'S WAY
(2009)
Dir - Eric Tessier
Overall: MEH

Based off the novel of the same name, 5150 Elm's Way, (5150, rue des ormes), stretches its premise too far to work.  There is a fine line ridden here to make it plausible and it would succeed if not for the frequent coincidences and plot holes that make up a generous amount of the details.  This is another kidnapping scenario where multiple, multiple opportunities arise where the victim probably should have escaped and by the time the last act is underway, the script is trying desperately to explain why it is still going on.  The use of dream sequences and hallucinations would persuade us, but they seem more horror genre pandering than anything else.  In a way, you can root for the film since it is competently acted and keeps things dark and serious throughout its duration.  The righteous religious themes certainly are not unique, but they do provide the movie with an interesting avenue to explore.  Still, it is aggravating to witness so many things that are only happening to make the movie last to a feature length.  The ending tips everything over where it is sadly just not possible to swallow the pill we are presented with.  It is a noble attempt yes, but also an unintentional clusterfuck as well.

2000's Foreign Horror Part Four

DAGON
(2001)
Dir - Stuart Gordon
Overall: MEH

It is somewhat difficult to make a truly bad H.P. Lovecraft inspired movie, but sadly Stuart Gordon nearly pulled off such a tricky task.  Not only is Dagon disappointing as a hodgepodge adaptation from arguably the greatest horror author in history, but from the director who brought us such other Lovecraft-based, amusing, well made horror gems such as Re-Animator and From Beyond, it is disheartening that this entry here is so disastrous.  An English-speaking Spanish production, Dagon suffers from too many things.  The performances are dreadful and Ezra Godden besides being a poor man's Jeffery Combs, is a terrible, obnoxious protagonist who spends most of his time screaming "what the hell is going on?" and talking about possibilities to himself when he is not making stupid one-liners or inexplicably surviving a three-story jump through a glass window and then down a long flight of concrete stairs.  The screenplay is full of forced, un-funny humor and cliche-ridden plot holes and though Gordon utilizes some efficient practical effects and atmospheric sets, the CGI could be some of the worst in any theatrically released movie.  The gore is extreme, there is plenty of nudity, and creepy townsfolk galore, but everything else going on is just catastrophic.

VINYAN
(2008)
Dir - Fabrice du Welz
Overall: GOOD

Fabrice du Welz's follow up to Calvaire is infinitely better in nearly every possible sense.  Vinyan takes a dark, incredibly haunting trek through comparatively uncharted terrain for horror type films, being the desolate, mostly uncharted jungle around Thailand.  The setting is strong enough, but so is the motivation in getting us there.  Whereas Calvaire did not seem to be about anything at all, Vinyan has a pretty crystal clear agenda and the film really spends its entire running time very patiently exploring it.  Along with screenwriters Olly Blackburn and David Greig, du Welz never detour into unnecessary turf, even when at times it would appear otherwise.  This is because the atmosphere is so methodically kept-up that you barely notice how very little happens from a plot perspective, yet how much we really witness.  The final act is noticeably similar to Apocalypse Now, probably intentionally since why would you not go the route of one of cinema's all time masterpieces?  There is an overdose of mood more than anything else and the lack of blatant brutality until it is absolutely necessary gives the film a mesmerizing quality that is almost disturbingly comforting.  It may be a bit too slow for some tastes and barely qualify as a horror film, but neither of these things make it any less effective.

AMER
(2009)
Dir - Hélène Cattet/Bruno Forzani
Overall: MEH

Husband and wife filmmaking duo Hélène Cattet and Bruno Forzani's first full-length Amer begins very interestingly as a blatant, Argento-styled giallo throwback where the influence is assuredly unmistakable.  Everything from the music, opening title sequence, color scheme, and flashy editing screams the Italian Hitchcock.  Yet within ten or maybe fifteen minutes, the exaggerated style already starts to get tedious.  Then once it becomes clear that the movie is going to stick to its avant-garde guns for the entire duration, it is almost impossible to find it alluring enough.  Amer is essentially far, far too much of a good thing.  It is not just that the plot is completely non-existent in exchange for its deliberately surreal tone.  Because the film never lets up for a second to actually breathe in any kind of even borderline coherent manner, it becomes very boring far too quickly and stays that way for way too long whereas it could have been stimulating in its oddness.  Good luck being anything but not only utterly lost as to what is supposed to be happening, but also even caring for a single solitary second about what is supposed to be happening.  It is simply inevitable to totally tune-out and best case scenario, you may just be impressed by the fancy camera work.

2000's Foreign Horror Part Three

IN MY SKIN
(2002)
Dir - Marina de Van
Overall: MEH

Writer/director/lead actress Mariana de Van's full fledged auteur debut In My Skin, (Dans ma peau), has moments that are borderline interesting, but ultimately the film does not really go anywhere.  Considered part of the French New Extremity, (which is always a shame), it is thankfully not as uncomfortable as it tricks you into thinking it is.  Yes the self-mutilation is shown in detail, but it is not done for overt shock value and does not go nearly as far as it could.  This is where some of de Van's restraint comes in handy, keeping In My Skin shy of just being obnoxious and disagreeable to all possible tastes.  The movie is messy though in more areas that just its visual grotesqueness.  Detachment from one's body, relationships, and employment are clear themes that are given a literal, severe showcase for a horror movie, but de Van's character is not relatable nor is her condition believably explained.  Which is fine, but it does make the ordeal of watching it kind of lifeless when it instead should have been much more exciting.  It is a common mistake where too much vagueness undermines your intent, but there is also far worse offenders than this so it gets enough points for effort.

COLD PREY
(2006)
Dir - Roar Uthaug
Overall: MEH

There is no over-abundance of jump scares, the acting is fine, the characters are very well written, the setting is very appropriately ominous, the pacing is deliberate and well maintained, but all this said, Cold Prey is still just another boring slasher movie.  That said, even the competent ones that do nothing to reinvent the wheel and stick faithfully to the books will occasionally provide a moderate level of thrills for an audience forever hungry for such fare.  Roar Uthaug, (who just helmed the latest and probably not last Tomb Raider reboot), does a swell job with everything he is expected to here.  It is the Norwegian version of any pick your favorite "final girl standing" slasher, with a big, hulking, inhumanly strong brute picking everyone off, (literally with a pick-axe in this scenario), and his prey, (hence the title), all young, attractive people who do their best to hide and plan their escape only to end up all bloody and dead.  The only things truly annoying with Cold Prey besides it being in a sub-genre in the first place is that it had potential to go a different route.  The thirty-year-vacant, creepy, isolated hotel in the middle of the mountains setting is purely ripe for something besides having yet another axe-wielding maniac run around who is impossible to kill.  Also the color pallet is so diluted and flat that it is barely not in black and white.  A minor annoyance yes, but it still makes for a rather ugly looking movie.

THE LOVED ONES
(2009)
Dir - Sean Byrne
Overall: MEH

Though nowhere near as mind-numbingly stupid as his to date, (thankfully), only second full-length The Devil's Candy, Sean Byrne's first The Loved Ones still showcases a lack of tone control and lazy screenwriting.  Byrne wallows in full-blown torture porn sequences that make the movie far too dark to work as a comedy, even when the intended funny moments are actually funny.  As a piece of serious and disturbing kidnapping horror, (the more of these movies you watch, the more of them you discover blatantly steal from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), The Loved Ones still would not have been unique enough to really stand out.  Yet stripping away the out of place scenes that go for chuckles, at least it would have kept its shock value in a more dismal check.  The script is anything but intelligent, with convenient plot turns and "hey, remember when a character said this?" flashbacks haphazardly scattered around to get characters from point A to point B.  The film's villains are just as poorly conceived, with Robin McLeavy being far too pretty to pull-off being the neglected teen turned-vile psychopath and her backstory leaves far too many questions idly open.  Byrne seems to be attempting many cliches tweaks here, but they clash with each other far too much to work.  Plus he still likes his teenagers to be stereotypical metalheads which is a trend that can die any day now thank you.

2000's Foreign Horror Part Two

LITTLE OTIK
(2000)
Dir - Jan Švankmajer
Overall: MEH
 
As far as Jan Švankmajer's horror-adjacent works are concerned, Little Otik, (Otesánek, Greedy Guts), is comparatively more streamlined, yet it overstays its welcome at over a hundred and thirty minutes with a plot that quickly and permanently settles into monotony.  That said, it is also still demented and off-putting in a quirky way, featuring a continuous stream of disgusting close-ups of peoples mouths while slurping up their food, pedophilia played for laughs, baby dolls with full genitalia, and most of the humor revolving around the sharp editing and WTF story line.  Based on the Czech fable of an anthropomorphized tree stump with a ravenous appetite called an Otesánek, such a creature does in fact come to life once a comically disturbed woman has a mental breakdown after realizing that she can never birth her own children, leading to a bizarre stream of events where she pretends to be pregnant with different sized pillows and gets congratulated on her miracle baby that no one but her rightfully aggravated husband is allowed to see.  Such a charade is played out far longer than any sane couple would permit and it only gets weirder and more structurally repetitive as the folk tale infant monster eats anything and everyone, grows larger and larger, and the rest of the oddball apartment tenants get involved.

CALVAIRE
(2004)
Dir - Fabrice Du Welz
Overall: MEH

Equal parts French New Extremity and Texas Chainsaw Massacre knockoff, Belgian filmmaker Fabrice Du Welz' Calvaire, (The Ordeal), comes across as a whole lot of pointless nothing.  It is not as deplorably obnoxious as it easily could have been given the modern films it closely resembles, but in a way it is even more disappointing since there appears to be potential on display here.  Having a protagonist trapped in a scenario where everyone he comes across is different levels of disturbingly odd, there are a few genuine, peculiar scenes that normally would be a little creepy if not for the fact that the movie does not seem to have any agenda whatsoever.  With no mystery or even really a plot, crazy people just do crazy things and then the end credits hit.  If there was supposed to be a point to it all, it could not possibly be more blurred.  If there was NOT a point, well then what IS the point in watching?  This of course is not to say that everything needs to be wrapped up in a way that movie-going dum-dums can readily understand it, but with the lack of purpose beyond just making the viewer feel uncomfortable with a very familiar set-up, Calvaire ends up not having anything noteworthy to say.

SAUNA
(2008)
Dir - Antti-Jussi Annila
Overall: GOOD

Known very little outside of his native Finland, director Antti-Jussi Annila has made very few films in his two decades working, Sauna being the only horror one in the lot.  Yet given his small cinematic output, his ability to work within this genre and create something viscerally exciting is mighty impressive.  As far as atmosphere and tone are concerned, (two companion elements that are essential to pretty much any successful horror movie), Sauna is about as strong as you can get.  It is beautifully shot and never once loses its nearly intoxicating, dreadful qualities.  Though its themes of forgiveness are heavily intact as well, unfortunately the narrative is almost impenetrably confusing.  Utilizing a backdrop at the end of the Russo-Swedish War, only the most well-read history scholars will fully understand the set-up.  But on top of this, there is also a wealth of folklore that whether made up by the screenwriter or based off actual legend, is only scarcely discussed through all of the dialog.  There are so many interesting and sinister things accruing throughout that are just as equally baffling that by the finale, it is hard to even know where to start when coming up with questions that beg answers.  It easily does enough very well to praise it, but it is also a missed opportunity to truly connect as well as it could with an audience.

2000's Foreign Horror Part One

TROUBLE EVERY DAY
(2001)
Dir - Claire Denis
Overall: MEH

Looking at Claire Denis' Trouble Every Day strictly as a horror movie would be a mistake.  That said, watching through the eyes of one accustomed to the beats and rhythms of the horror film will wield more rewards than the movie probably deserves.  That is to say that Denis is most assuredly not concerned with crafting this in any kind of user-friendly way, least of all in a manner that horror fans coming in would feel right at home with.  Though this approach is refreshing on principal alone, it does not come off successfully as an actual movie.  Stylistic facets such as minimal dialog, a disjointed narrative, somewhat claustrophobic camera work, and long sequences played out simply under mournful music all unfortunately contribute to making the utter vagueness of the plot far too aggravating.  The characters are depicted so distant not only from each other, but also from the viewer so that you cannot get any barrings on what anybody is motivated in doing or why.  So the utter brutality of much of the visuals is in a way rather wasted since it is impossible to have any investment as to what is going on.  Whatever Denis is up to gets increasingly lost and this is a shame since it could have come close to having an acceptable amount of ambiguity to pay off.

TAXIDERMIA
(2006)
Dir - György Pálfi
Overall: WOOF

Nnnnnnnnnope.  Whatever the hell the point was to this film, it is so astronomically disgusting and unpleasant to watch that the most brilliant metaphorical exploration you could have on paper does not stand a chance of coming through all the mess.  For his second full-length, György Pálfi is handed a generous budget and would have achieved something very interesting instead of strikingly grotesque in all the absolute wrong ways.  It is difficult to articulate how truly gross this movie is.  Repulsive images of the human body both nude and clothed, seminal fluid, vomit, and even a random closeup of shit coming out of a bird's ass are all here.  Broken up into segments, each one finds an entire new way to be repugnant.  From a guy who cums so hard while dreaming about a kid that it shoots into outer-space, lubes up a hole in a wood shack to stick his dark grey dick through, and then fucks the chopped up remains of a pig, to a competitive eating sequence, and then wrapping up with a guy who surgically removes all of his body parts while he argues with his nauseatingly obese father, it is unwatchable every second of the way.  If anyone out there actually enjoys watching a movie like this, seek help immediately.

FEAR(S) OF THE DARK
(2007)
Dir - Blutch/Charles Burns/Marie Cailou/Pierre di Sciullo/Lorenzo Mattotti/Richard McGuire
Overall: GREAT

A combination of French, Italian, and American comic book artists and graphic illustrators join forces in Fear(s) of the Dark, easily one of the best anthology horror outings in recent times.  Darkness itself and hidden, unseen, ominous presences lurking about make up movie's central themes and the film works stylistically nearly above anything else.  The simple, black and white traditional and computer animation are unique to each artist and jointly create a unified atmosphere that is appropriately stark and eerie.  The stories themselves are all rather excellent, with maybe only the two linking segments involving a disembodied female voice rattling off random anxieties and a sinister old man unleashing his ravenous dogs on passers-by being the only ones coming off comparatively less compelling.  The other four main narratives though are each strong enough to base a full-length movie on, with some familiar, almost classic horror set ups wielding interesting and very creepy results.  This is the type that emphasizes a slow, spooky mood over anything else and it is quite a joy to see such an approach so lovingly and meticulously accomplished.

2012 Horror Part Five

EXCISION
Dir - Richard Bates Jr.
Overall: MEH

A debut from Virginia native Richard Bates Jr, Excision is a tad jumbled, but also a near success as a bit of adolescent, hormone-ridden, mania horror.  With AnnaLynne McCord's Pauline, writer/director Bates has concocted a forcefully bizarre protagonist that challenges the viewer's empathy for her at each and every turn.  This is a rather extreme take on the disturbed teenager being unable to relate to her parents and her peers story and as Pauline is haunted/tantalized by disgustingly erotic dreams while she self-diagnoses herself, talks to god, and grows more and more fascinated by her menstrual cycle and human anatomy, everything rather escalates uncomfortably.  To watch a film like this, Bates is very much challenging you to endure it and the "body horror" tags the movie has garnished do seem rather appropriate.  It is difficult to tell though if the tone issues here are issues at all.  The film is absolutely darkly comedic at various times, but it is also highly distressing and it becomes confusing a bit as to how it is supposed to work.  Though one could argue here that this may be partly the point in that going through puberty as a mentally deranged teenage girl would certainly be confusing and in this case, also harrowing.

PROMETHEUS
Dir - Ridley Scott
Overall: MEH

If you absolutely have to make a reboot/prequel because Hollywood does not like sinking money into properties that are not already familiar with audiences, you could certainly do worse than Prometheus.  Ridley Scott is no doubt an uneven filmmaker, (and by more than one account, rather an asshat), but the guy did make Alien way back in 1979 and anyone who does not consider said film to be one of the best sci-fi horror movies ever made would benefit from having their head examined.  To his credit, Scott here insisted on making something that would stand on its own two feet as much as possible and he and screenwriters Jon Spaihts and Damon Lindelof rather succeed there.  Besides the top-notch, H.R. Giger based set design, (which is certainly the film's best quality), Prometheus hardly resembles anything to do with the Alien franchise at least on a surface level.  Though these are meritable things, the script itself does not pull off anything all that interesting or unique from the "faith, god, and man" themes we have seen oodles of times by now, not just in science fiction.  Also the character's are very poorly if at all fleshed-out with Michael Fassbender's David android the only one coming close to having a well-defined personality when of course ironically he is the least human of them all.  If this sounds rather 2001-esque, it is not the only thing that does so, but to be fair, any sci-fi movie that does not try and steal as much as possible from Stanley Kubrick's ultimate masterpiece is doing it wrong.

MANIAC
Dir - Franck Khalfoun
Overall: MEH

Remakes are almost exclusively a lazy idea on principal alone and French genre filmmaker Franck Khalfoun's version of Maniac certainly questions the audience as to why it should exist in the first place.  There have been so many Psycho-ripped movies about vicious killers with severe mommy issues that one of the questions begged here is why not just make this an original work separate from its William Lusted-helmed,1980 counterpart?  The mannequins had to still be there, one has to assume.  Despite its dubious merits as yet another redone horror outing because there clearly are not enough of those, Maniac is completely one-note in its savagery and perversity.  It is shot from a POV perspective almost entirely and though the idea is to make the viewer sit squeamishly in the eyes of the title character for the entire ride, spending eighty-nine minutes experiencing what a serial murderer sees and thinks with no breaks cannot really be described as being "enjoyable".  There is absolutely no emotional payoff to be found, making the film feel tediously long before it is over.  Ergo, it is then left to only work from a purely gimmicky standpoint.  Whether it does this or not in a engaging fashion still comes down to how many women you can witness being brutally murdered before tuning out.

2011 Horror Part Four

THE AWAKENING
Dir - Nick Murphy
Overall: MEH

Filmmaker Nick Murphy came from a television background and has since returned to it since making his debut films The Awakening and the following year's Blood.  The first of these is the type of Gothic, muted-color-pallet-ridden, all too familiar ghost story that gets very few if any unique workouts.  Similar yet better films such as The Others were more stylish and inventive, to name but one.  The very fact that the plot here has a twist is in and of itself predictable as are most of the scares that come at the nearly always-required spots where the soundtrack gets silent for a few seconds and something quickly pops into frame, ushering in that dreadfully overused "boo scare" cliche that one cannot complain enough about.  What works here are the rock solid performances and even a few spooky details that step away from the purely calculated ones.  The cinematography otherwise would be impressive if not for the after-mentioned dull, routine, lack of a color scheme that even superhero movies seem required to have now, (looking in your direction Wonder Woman).  So if it sounds like the movie adheres to too much contemporary, banal genre pandering, well, that is because it regrettably does.

THE WHISPERER IN DARKNESS
Dir - Sean Branney
Overall: MEH

Though the intent is genuinely heartwarming for the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society to produce a full-length, independent film adaptation of The Whisperer In the Dark made in the deliberate style of black and white "talkie" films of the early 1930's, the result does not overcome its amateurish shortcomings.  Instead of coming off as the labor of love that it is with only the most fanatic Lovecraft fan as its target audience, anyone else coming in will notice significant pacing, production, and acting issues.  First off, at a hundred and four minutes long and again made exclusively by the most diehard of Lovecraft enthusiasts, one could logically speculate that the most minimal attempt was made to edit the movie down to a reasonable length as most of the staging is overstuffed.  Many scenes simply drag on far too long and continue to repeat the same information.  A tighter cut of the film would have kept things flowing much more sensibly.  The very poor CGI can be forgivable due to the movie's minimal budget, but this is another case where "less is more" would have been far more effective than seeing the Yuggoth native creatures in a fully lit, visible form.  Performance wise, Matt Foyer's exaggerated frowny-face and Daniel Kaemon's attempts at being a hammy villain both come off as silly.  The liberties taken with Lovecraft's source material to provide more character depth and story arcs are rather clumsy as well and mixed with the other aforementioned problems, there is unfortunately just too much that does not work here.

FATHER'S DAY
Dir - Adam Brooks/Jeremy Gillespie/Matthew Kennedy/Steven Kostanski/Steven Kostanski/Conor Sweeny
Overall: MEH

Going into a Troma film expecting anything but the most absurd, gross-out shock garbage for garbage's sake would be disingenuous and by that decree, Father's Day is certainly a Troma film.  The usual completely inept, technical ingredients such as high school play level acting, a billion cuts, hand held camerawork, extreme closeups, absolutely terrible cinematography, not bothering to record anyone's dialog properly, and throwing in as many plot holes as you can possibly fit into a single screenplay are all present.  As far as actual content, the movie equally does not disappoint in its unpleasantness.  A homosexual demon rapes and mutilates himself and his victims in unflinching detail, including dicks being ripped off by the mouth, gorged upon, and sliced apart.  There is also hardcore incest because why would there not be?  As clearly self-aware-obnoxious as Father's Day most confidently is, sitting through it is hardly the most pleasurable experience even for the most genuine movie trash lover.  Over the top everything is great and can be often appreciated, but the majority of what is on screen here combined with how intentionally incompetent it is presented just makes it a chore.  On that note, the movie is just too damn long.  One can easily tune-out long before it literally ventures into hell where there was nothing more to be appalled at.  Seeing Lloyd Kaufman as God is a hoot, but do we really need all the man-rape, penis eating, and sister banging?

2012 Horror Part Four

100 BLOODY ACRES
Dir - Cameron Cairnes/Colin Cairnes
Overall: MEH

Brothers Cameron and Colin Cairnes' 100 Bloody Acres is ultimately a comedy that is just not that funny.  It is another movie where the parody elements are wholly intentional, (in this case involving city folk encountering scary rednecks), but the relationship between captors and prisoners is haphazardly blurred to such an extent that it just seems stupid when it is supposed to be earnest.  Some of the film's most outrageous, "wtf" scenes are indeed chuckle-worthy, but everywhere else, the film does not really pull it off when it comes to humorous hi-jinks.  The scenario is appropriately ridiculous and grows increasingly so, but the film rides the line of not going full tilt where it actually would have benefited from doing such a thing.  This is ironic in that one of the arcs that more than one protagonist undergoes is just that; to stop thinking and just "go for it".  The movie does not take its own advice in this regard and when the Cairnes are trying to convey hilarity in their preposterous set up through dialog, very little unfortunately sticks. 

AMERICAN MARY
Dir - Jen Soska/Silvia Soska
Overall: MEH

The writer/director team of Jen and Silvia Soska teamed up with Katharine Isabelle, (Ginger Fitzgerald in the Ginger Snaps franchise), in the bloody, gross-out, feminist empowering American Mary, a film that has a couple of admiring traits but is a bit messy in other areas.  From a visual standpoint, the Soska sisters have produced a rather striking work with vivid, red set designs and a slew of fascinatingly disturbed looking characters, many of whom are actually body modification enthusiasts.  For a film about victimized women utilizing surgical brilliance to become intimidating, desensitized revenge monsters, the movie oddly does not go too far over the top.  There is a black comedy tone here that is wholly purposeful, but it is played close to the chest, which is fortunate in that the audience will not find themselves laughing AT the film, but WITH it as intended.  At the same token though, the plot is a bit vague with some unfocused themes and character development that is regularly glossed over.  The ending is also unsatisfying and gives off the impression that maybe the Soska's could not figure out how to wrap everything up during the writing phase, which again seems in large part due to some clumsy script details they formulated along the way.  Fairly though, it is not a complete loss and is certainly weird enough to give it a gander.

THE SEASONING HOUSE
Dir - Paul Hyett
Overall: WOOF

Fitting both uncomfortably and perfectly in the "torture porn" camp, Paul Hyett's debut The Seasoning House has hardly a single frame in it that is not miserably vile and depressing.  "Why are there movies like this in the first place?" is a very logical question to ask.  Now is the film overtly exploiting sadism in a popcorn horror fashion?  No it is not.  What it is doing though is tackling on such a disheartening subject matter, (sex slave abducting), that it is not even the least bit endurable to watch let alone even mildly entertaining for curiosity or artistic sakee.  Only very few if any filmmakers in history can have such an incredibly uncomfortable premise such as the one here and pull it off in such a way as to merit its existence.  Whatever Hyett here was trying to do in order to make it compelling, it just abysmally falls flat.  Throughout the experience, you are most likely to debate why you are watching such unpleasantness at all.  To add to all of this, even if you can simply stomach a bunch of helpless girls get raped, murdered, and have their families killed in front of them, the rest of the minimal, "cat and mouse" chase plot is insultingly stupid.  Well-overused details that borrow twists all the way back to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre are here, just to make the film fail even as an interesting genre exercise.

2014 Horror Part Eight

LATE PHASES
Dir - Adrián García Bogliano
Overall: MEH

Though certainly worth its merit in several respects, Spanish director Adrián García Bogliano's first English language venture Late Phases does not quite overcome its noticeable obstacles.  There are definitely benefits to using practical effects, especially nowadays where CGI often looks as terrible as ever.  Yet when said makeup effects look more like a guy in a Halloween costume and you frame nearly all their shots in a very well lit manner as to notice, bad move.  Instead for Bogliano to have kept his monsters in the shadows and only in quick closeups, (as several better films have shown to work, namely An American Werewolf in London), this cinematic boo-boo could have been avoided.  Elsewhere, some of the acting and dialog is a bit stiff and it is a rather ridiculous pill to swallow that the law enforcement are so quick to pass off monthly murders in a retirement community as simple animal attacks and never investigate any further.  They only happen in this area and every month?  Christ, how many old people have to be picked off over how many months to get any cops to pay attention?  All that said, Nick Damici, (under a good amount of aged makeup, begging the question why they did not just hire a much older actor in the first place), is actually fantastic as the blind, ex-Nam vet protagonist and his entire arch is still engaging to witness.

QUANDO EU ERA VIVO
Dir - Marco Dutra
Overall: GOOD

Brazilian genre director Marco Dutra's adaptation of Lourenço Mutarelli's novel A Arte de Produzir Efeito Sem Causa is his follow-up the joint, Juliana Rojas collaboration Hard Labor from 2011, representing his first solo full-length.  Slow boils can go disastrously wrong just as easily as anything else anything utilizing the opposite approach, yet Quando Eu Era Vivo, (When I Was Alive), assuredly benefits from taking its time.  The script by Dutra and fellow filmmaker/writer Gabriela Amaral Almeida is incredibly thorough with its details.  There are a few moments that at first seem rather sloppy, (particularly how our sympathies towards protagonists Marat Descartes and Sandy Leah are perverted and shifted), but they all got cleared up along the way, proving that the time and dedication was taken to make all the narrative components fit.  Even as things get continually ramped up, a lesser director could have easily ventured into campy terrain, but Dutra keeps things on the straight and narrow.  Now when it comes to crystal clear closer, that is not something readily present here, nor should it be.  It is a very intelligently done bit of psychological horror that makes its actual lack of much overt "horror" itself pleasantly forgivable. 

COOTIES
Dir - Jonathan Milott/Cary Murnion
Overall: WOOF

When half of the writing team for Cooties is Leigh Whannell, the guy behind the truly abysmal work of James Wan, (Saw, Insidious, Dead Silence), may the viewer be seriously warned.  Going full horror comedy, this is a blunder in every direction it turns.  Though it is loaded with an exceptional cast, (including revered comedic actors Rainn Wilson and Jack McBrayer), the movie is about as intentionally funny as anything in the Saw series.  Meaning not at all.  From a zombie outbreak/people trapped in a single location trying to escape framework, the film is as textbook and boring as any of the hundreds of other movies with an identical premise.  This means all of the over-the-top, splatty gore is completely wasted on such an uninspired, commonplace setup.  What really sinks the ship though is how it is trying way, way, way, way too hard.  Every plot point and ounce of dialog is incredibly forced to make an audience chuckle at utterly random character quirks like Leigh Whannell's teacher who continually yells at everyone to be quiet when no one is talking, plus 80s action movie motifs like a suiting up montage, moronic one-liners, and a bunch of adults murdering hoards of kids in the most "badass" fashion possible.  All of which will warrant cricket noises instead of waves of hysterical applause.  The insultingly illogical "oh wait he's not dead and is here to save us at the most convenient time possible" ending comes when all of this stuff has groan to such an obnoxious pitch that it transforms just a dull, stupid, failed attempt at a self-aware genre parody into something just odious in all the wrong ways.