90's British Horror Part Two

DUST DEVIL
(1992)
Dir - Richard Stanley
Overall: MEH

While Dust Devil is admirably ambitious and refreshing in how it spends virtually zero time during its first act to ease the viewer into any kind of conventional coherence, Richard Stanley's follow-up to Hardware gets increasingly disappointing as it goes on.  Stanley initially presented a 120 cut of the film, which was then shortened to a 110, then given a screening at 95, only to be very briefly shown in one theater during one week at a mere 87, finally getting official "directors cuts" put out at both 105 and 114 minutes.  The confusing number of versions unleashed certainly does not help make the movie any more forgiving.  While it is remarkably photographed on location in the South African country Namibia, (which became recently independent at the time), and some of the mystifying mood carries some scenes through better than others, the story seems rather incomplete.  All of the characters are underwritten and by the time that they start yelling cliched dialog and pull guns on each other practically out of nowhere near the end, it gets into schlock territory quite jarringly.  Even at the film's most generous running time, there are still some key ingredients missing that one could ponder were never there to begin with.

DEATH MACHINE
(1994)
Dir - Stephen Norrington
Overall: MEH

By the mid 90s, virtually all testosterone-driven action movies had become parodies of themselves and Death Machine, (the debut by special effects artist turned writer/director Stephen Norrington), embraces its goofiness in all details.  Performance-wise it is comedic with every character being so over the top, yelling all of their cornball dialog to the point that they are literally shaking on screen.  None of the players are more jacked-up to eleven than Brad Dourif whose role as an anarchist hacker was not only tailor made for him but also one of the most 1990s things ever.  To say that Death Machine is derivative of any and every trapped in a building/robot on the loose/computers are things/evil corporations/everything is blue and made of metal action movie is an understatement.  It is difficult to enjoy how moronic all of its shameless, B-movie components are even when it routinely proves not to be taking itself that seriously.  Norrington would follow this up with the wildly superior first entry into the Blade franchise, but he also ended his career thus far with the infamously wretched The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen flop which rather cancels out anything good in his filmography.  For fans of Dourif's steady and true overacting and all things loud, explody, and dumb, this one effortlessly delivers.

HAUNTED
(1995)
Dir - Lewis Gilbert
Overall: MEH

The only horror film by prolific British director Lewis Gilbert, (who had helmed three in the James Bond franchise before, as well as many other things), was the James Herbert novel adaptation Haunted, a movie which ultimately comes undone by a generous amount of plot holes.  While some of the effects have not aged all that well, there are thankfully very few of them and it is more the haunted mansion, supernatural skeptic, and "family with a dark secret" cliches that make the film too generic to really standout against the hordes of others  that are so very similar in nature.  Gilbert does not necessary prove to have that keen of an eye for interesting horror set pieces, shooting most of the ghostly scenes in non-atmospheric light while relying heavily on rather stock "scary" music.  Meanwhile, the same stuff we have experienced a thousand times like loud banging noises and children standing/walking in the distance are meant to represent the chilling bits.  The script has a handful of unsettling and macabre twists, but the main revelation makes everything prior crumble like a house of cards, taking most of the impact away from it.  On the plus side though, it is strong performance-wise with Aidan Quinn and a young Kate Beckinsale standing out as the leads.

90's British Horror Part One

HARDWARE
(1990)
Dir - Richard Stanley
Overall: MEH

The full-length debut from South African filmmaker Richard Stanley, (who a few short years later would be fired from the hilariously ill-fated The Island of Dr. Moreau remake after a mere week in), was the post-apocalyptic cyber punk offering Hardware.  Stanley and co were successfully sued by Fleetway Comics whose 1980 short story "SHOK!" the movie's screenplay heavily lifts from, but equal comparisons can be made to Terminator and Blade Runner as well.  While the budget is sufficient enough to make for an all round excellent production design and there are some fun cameos by rock stars, (Lemmy, Fields of the Nephilim frontman Carl McCoy, plus the voice of Iggy Pop as a radio DJ), the movie becomes muddled at parts and unintentionally schlocky throughout.  The big bad, impossible-to-kill robot-monster does not arrive until halfway through and once it does, it becomes comically annoying how many times characters scream at it in slow motion while throwing bullets and fire at it until it still does not die.  Before that, there is a greater emphasis on exploring the themes of a society where mankind has damaged the earth to such a degree that humans themselves have been cut off from their own benevolent emotions and a machine take-over seems literally biblical in nature.  The fact that the film is too formulaic and a bit dated in some parts while trying to be profound in others, equipped with the problematic plotting, all makes it a flawed if not all together unintelligent offering.

GHOSTWATCH
(1992)
Dir - Stephen Volk
Overall: GOOD

Closing out the forth season of the BBC's Session One television series was this deliberate ode to Orson Welle's War of the Worlds radio broadcast, Ghostwatch.  Airing on Halloween night and presented as a live documentary featuring actual BBC newscasters playing themselves, the initial airing caused a notable panic and a bombardment of phone calls to storm the BBC's circuit board, though each caller was assured via a recording that it was indeed all fictional.  It was still enough to convince many that what they saw was legit, even if it is clearly just a somewhat dated mocumentary upon viewing it today, be it an exceptionally well done one.  Outside of how much care and detail went into it as a prank, what is more impressive is the wealth of supernatural Easter eggs scattered about, giving it a high repeated viewing quality that also helps strengthen its believably.  The fact that it becomes increasingly unnerving and pretty chilling in the process is also a huge saving grace.  It is a bit imperfect in how some of the performances may be trying a little too hard and it takes a long time to really start getting interesting, but the moments that work are aplenty.  Many of the "found footage" cliches owe a solid debt to what Ghostwatch unleashed, (be that a good or bad thing), and it is easily one of the better examples of the sub-genre out there.

FUNNY MAN
(1994)
Dir - Simon Sprackling
Overall: WOOF

Here is something that is not only contestable as the worst movie Christopher Lee was ever in, but also one of the worst movie ever made.  The fact that all of the things do not work in Simon Sprackling's concerningly awful Funny Man is a mere yet accurate generalization of how unpleasant of a viewing experience it is.  Made a year after Leprechaun and in an era where killer clowns and/or wise cracking title villains were becoming a thing, the attempt made here could be seen as the poster boy for everything that can go horribly awry with such a concept.  There is not a single "joke" that is anywhere near funny and worse yet, the embarrassing attempts at humor are incredibly incessant.  As the Funny Man himself, Tim James breaks the forth wall and falls completely flat on his face in nearly every frame, meanwhile a host of characters even more cartoonishly one-note than him die in the laziest of ways until the ending presents everything as who knows what when a mystery was barely hinted at before.  The sets and concept are surely elaborate, but under such over the top, massively unfunny, and head-scratchingly obnoxious circumstances, it cannot even be seen as an oddity worth viewing for curiositie's sake.  More like something to sit through at gun point.

80's Jesús Franco

OASIS OF THE ZOMBIES
(1982)
Overall: WOOF

Even at his "best", Jesús Franco was a regularly challenged filmmaker.  1982 was no different than any other year for him, with no less than ten films produced, one of the more regularly distributed and seen Oasis of the Zombies, (L'Abîme des Morts-Vivants, The Abyss of the Living Dead), being probably not even the worst of them.  Franco filmed a Spanish version alongside the French one, though seeing it dubbed and in the public domain is the most common method these days.  As far as what it brings to the man's opposite of a flawless legacy, it is pretty much more of the same.  There is gratuitous use of stock footage or what is about as exciting as stock footage, a simple yet disastrous plot, no budget, and nearly every shot results in a zoom.  Most of all though, it is jaw-droppingly boring.  Three zombie scenes are present, (each spread out about every thirty minutes), and in between them Franco is almost impressively incapable of making anything that is happening even accidentally interesting.  Plenty of other lackadaisically-paced horror movies were made in and around the same era that is for sure, but this one offers up so very, very little besides a few somewhat OK looking walking corpses.  Actually, more like a few somewhat OK looking STANDING corpses that of course get zoomed in on.

MANSION OF THE LIVING DEAD
(1982)
Overall: MEH

One of the numerous erotic horror films by Jesús Franco staring his wife and muse Lina Romay, Mansion of the Living Dead, (La mansión de los muertos vivientes), is as frustratingly detrimental as any other one.  Filmed on location at a Gran Canaria hotel during the off season, Franco makes surprisingly fantastic use out of the barren setting which should be populated by large numbers of people yet instead seems appropriately haunted and empty.  Choosing to use virtually no music besides the occasional chiming of church bells is another excellent detail.  Everywhere else though, it is a typically confused effort.  Misogynistic to a laughable extent, several women are killed of course, but not before getting raped for lots of minutes, chained up and starved, fed rat poison, made to kill, and eventually married off to either Satan or the lord, it is rather haphazardly conveyed which.  The female victims are also all shown as helplessly nymphatic.  The last twenty minutes revs up the plot rather ridiculously and you would be right to assume that absolutely nothing adds up once the "Fin" title hits the screen.  Scattered around the movie are more of Franco's trademark boring sex scenes which do the best possible job of dragging the occasionally menacing mood to an absolute standstill.  When the film is successfully channeling the Blind Dead series and providing a genuinely eerie mood though, it is rather alluring though.

FACELESS
(1988)
Overall: MEH

The last adequately-funded film of Jesús Franco's career was the Spanish/French co-production Faceless that featured English-speaking actors exclusively, most of whom had long become horror genre regulars.  Helmut Berger, Telly Savalas, Caroline Munro, Brigitte Lahaie, Anton Diffring, and Howard Vernon were all on board for what is essentially Franco's own remake of his The Awful Dr. Orloff, (with Vernon making a cameo as a character with the same name), which was low-budget bastardization of Eyes Without a Face to begin with.  While it is certainly nice to see the director working with a budget well outside of his usual meager means plus with such a recognizable cast, this still ends up being a mostly unintentionally silly affair.  Many lines of dialog are preposterous, but the performances only occationally go into full camp, creating somewhat of a tone malfunction where the movie is not as hilarious as it is probably supposed to be.  The gore set pieces are nice and gruesome though it is comparatively low on the nudity while still being as sleazy as one would expect.  Meanwhile, the ending could be one of the most abrupt and unresolved ever filmed and once again becomes somewhat of a joke in the fact that the title song by Vincenzo Thoma shows up for only about the nine-hundredth time over the end credits. 

80's Lamberto Bava Part One

MACABRE
(1980)
Overall: MEH

The solo debut from Mario Bava's son Lamberto, (after having co-directed with his father and others on a number of films), was 1980's Macabre, (Macabro).  Compared to some of the director's later, atrociously schlocky work, this one is heavily lethargic at least in tone.  Because of its slow, relatively boring nature, the truly bizarre and outrageous details are pretty clashing.  The post-dubbing veers close to ruining everything as it routinely does in Euro horror with the southern accents coming off as especially silly here.  British-born Bernice Stegers' ridiculous performance is a hoot, but her daughter also being a bratty maniac and then disappearing from large chunks of the movie without exploring what the hell anything she does is about further adds to the turbulence.  Same goes for the soundtrack which is either humorously romantic, (sexy sax and all), or totally barren, creating the appropriate mood in one case and not in the other.  It basically comes down to being an uneven effort where Bava cannot decide how serious or not at all serious to take the entire ordeal.  It is interesting in spots, but clearly not the work of a filmmaker at one with his craft.

A BLADE IN THE DARK
(1983)
Overall: MEH

Originally filmed to be a television series with four separate stories, Lamberto Bava's A Blade in the Dark, (La casa con la scala nel buio, The House with a Dark Staircase), was instead re-edited to be released in its final form.  Scripted by the husband and wife team of Dardano Sacchetti and Elisa Briganti, (both of whom have a solid handful of other Italian horror screenplays under their belts), the story sounds like a typical harebrained giallo, but the presentation is detrimentally slow and lacking in visual flare.  Dubbing wise, of course it is terrible all around, but some of the line readings are more acceptable than others which go straight into unintended comedy.  Both the lackluster script and possibly Bava himself provide some strange details like the killer having a silly voice, tennis balls inexplicably laying on the floor during an escape, bodies being found in steel drums and then underneath piles of audio tape for no reason, and a woman getting stabbed with a retractable blade through chicken wire.  Yet they all come off as laughable instead of creepy.  It seems that Bava was going for the latter sensation, but he once again fails to provide the proper mood and loads the film with tedious scenes of characters looking around, occasionally arguing, and then looking around some more.  The fact that the ending is also given away about an hour early and then even features the classic and lazy "Psycho explanation" tag makes it all the more forgettable.

DEMONS 2
(1986)
Overall: GOOD

While it is still a typical, logic-defying Italian horror vehicle like countless others that regularly ignores or fails to set up its own rules to follow or break in the first place, Demons 2 is rather enjoyable.  This is specifically baffling as it is a sequel to one of the worst movies ever made.  The original garnished a devoted following and probably still remains Lamberto Bava's most famous work, but it is also insulting stupid.  For Demons 2, (made the following year and featuring the same "creative" team behind it including Dario Argento), the film follows a near identical plot yet somehow manages to bypass many of the flaws of the previous entry by simply not beating you over the head with them.  There is bad dialog, bad dubbing, characters being idiots, some characters being literally politeness, (another biker gang that is only shown driving around), and no rhyme or reason for anything that is transpiring.  Yet all of the demon-possessing mayhem comes off more frightening and fun in its new, lush apartment complex setting here.  Furthermore, it is very rare for a sequel to actually be scaled back, but it is pretty difficult to one-up the pure, wretched idiocy of the original Demons anyway.  So throwing that in a blender with David Cronenberg's Shivers and adding a stupid gremlin baby, some far more atmospheric scenery, and not having a random helicopter show up to baffle you further, all proves a good move.

80's Spanish Horror Part Two - (Juan Piquer Simón Edition)

PIECES
(1982)
Overall: MEH

An infamous Spanish/American slasher film if ever there was one, Pieces, (Mil gritos tiene la noche, The Night Has 1,000 Screams), has endured as one of the sub-genre's most ridiculous entries.  As enormously dumb and terrible as it rightfully is, there are moments scattered about that redeem it as something for garbage enthusiasts to admire.  Deliberately produced to cash in on the slasher boom, it was filmed in Spain, set in Boston, and features a cast made up of actors on both sides of the Atlantic who have all of their embarrassing dialog post-dubbed anyway.  Also typical of such lame-brained giallo offerings is the dedication to police detectives talking to each other and an unseen, chainsaw-wielding maniac tediously stalking women while in no hurry whatsoever.  The over-the-top kill scenes are as preposterously clumsy as the performances are hilariously, (also), over-the-top, so thankfully their mugging, dubbed voices, and inane dialog punch up even the most boring exposition scenes.  Too formulaic in its approach and only occasionally deserving of its laugh-at-it reputation, there is still enough gutter-trash on display to warrant it as being worthy of any "bad movie night".

EXTRA TERRESTRIAL VISITORS

(1983)
Overall: WOOF

Famously lampooned on season three of Mystery Science Theater 3000, (as it should be), Extra Terrestrial Visitors, (Los nuevos extraterrestres, The New Extraterrestrials, Pod People, The Unearthling), is a tonal disaster hybrid of cutesy E.T. knock-off and bog-standard aliens vs. rednecks romp.  Its finished, misguided form was allegedly due to producers insisting on script alterations to cash-in on Steven Spielberg's mega blockbuster kids movie; script alterations to a film that was originally conceived as a violent, science fiction slasher. With both clashing ideas attempted and given ample enough screen time together, the results are as messy as one would expect.  The little kid is obnoxious, there is a horrendously terrible new wave rock band, a bunch of hunters bitch, complain, and shoot anything they see, the hairy/snouted aliens look ridiculous, and it is all paced in the most dreadfully listless of manners.  Thankfully, director Juan Piquer Simón manages to pull off some of his patented, unintentional humor which mostly stems from the inane dialog, atrocious dubbing, Americanized product placement, and those sickeningly unlistenable songs.  An embarrassing work for all parties involved, it should be approached with the utmost degree of caution.

 

SLUGS

(1988)

Overall: MEH

 

If anyone was ever curious as to what James Gunn's Slither would be like if the guy who made Pieces took a crack at the material, Slugs, (Slugs: The Movie, Slugs, Muerte Viscosa), hilariously answers that question.  A Spanish/American co-production shot on the English-speaking side of the Atlantic with a largely US cast, co-writer/director Juan Piquer Simón's penchant for extreme, squishy gore and awkwardly ridiculous dialog is thankfully in full sway.  As one could guess, the story is the exact same kind that has been done in nature horror several dozens of times before where a town gets bombarded by an unnatural menace, the higher-ups in charge do not take the threat seriously until it is too late, and at least one elderly couple falls victims to the title-monster.  In this case, the slimy, black mollusks gang together by the thousands, infiltrating the sewage systems and spewing from people's faces once they have devoured them from the inside out.  Easily the two best death sequences involve a douchebag businessman in a restaurant and an adulterous couple in bed, but just as much fun can be had from the goofy, wooden actors who seem perfectly in on the joke.  Things drag at regular intervals and it does not get funny enough either knowingly or unknowingly to qualify it as a Euro-horror-comedy classic, but it does still scratch some trashy itches alright.

80's Spanish Horror Part One

ARREBATO
(1980)
Dir - Ivan Zulueta
Overall: MEH

Whatever the hell it is that could be going on in Ivan Zulueta's Arrebato, (Rapture), is left so meticulously incomprehensible that pure frustration and boredom are impossible side effects to overcome while viewing it.  Funded by an architect and shot on location in the homes and apartments of Zulueta and several acquaintances, (nearly all of whom were allegedly junkies), the film met with universal bewilderment upon being released and any piece of celluloid this impenetrable and unforgiving was bound to find a cult audience eventually.  It could be a heroin-induced fever dream made by heroin users in a bold attempt to link the medium of film itself to the crippling feelings of addiction.  Or it could be some kind of commentary on the way that movies corrupt the brain, fueling such drug addiction and hindering relationships.  Or it could possibly be both.  Whether the questions it raises and the non-answers it gives were a fluke or part of some ingenious and bold vision on Zulueta's part is up to interpretation now, but the experience is a near monumentally difficult one to get through.  The movie meanders endlessly and so mercilessly confuses its audience that having the patience let alone interest in deciphering it is left to a very select few.

IN A GLASS CAGE
(1986)
Dir - Agustí Villaronga
Overall: MEH

A "horror" film in the same way Pier Paolo Pasolini's Salo is, (though it does not really come close to being as nightmarishly unwatchable as said infamous movie is), Agusti Villaronga's debut In a Glass Cage is still plenty unflinching.  The very opening scene is a squeamish one to sit through and does in fact set the stage for everything that follows where the horrid acts of an ex Nazi in hiding are relived by way of one of the tormented-turned-tormentor.  Though Villaronga pulls the camera away here or there, it is still not enough to make the proceedings any kind of a cake walk.  It is clear that the writer/director was going for something harsh and visceral, but it is no different from any other such movie that forces the viewer to witness some of the worst human atrocities possible.  In this case, those atrocities are pedophilia and murder and the viewing experience is awkward to say the least.  All of the technical aspects are on point though, from Jaume Peracaula's cinematography to Javier Navarrete's score, plus Villaronga's tone is perfectly cold and disturbing.  Can it be recommended as a piece of entertainment?  Of course not, but that was certainly never the point so it can still be considered a success even if it is one that virtually nobody would enjoy sitting through.

ANGUISH
(1987)
Dir - Bigas Luna
Overall: MEH

This is an equally messy and ambitions debut for Spanish filmmaker Bigas Luna.  Featuring an entire American cast and set in the US, it is only a Spanish production by technicality, yet the feel of it is unlike any from a particular country's style anyway.  Anguish sets out to be a high-reaching "film within a film" movie, opening with on-screen text and forth-wall breaking narration, then abruptly revealing its true nature once the first act is wrapped up.  Everything until that point seems to be going in a competent direction with the mystery just presenting itself before the entire movie pretty much abandons that and throws oodles more questions at us.  The problem is in part that there is virtually no pay off by the conclusion, but it is also a faux pas that the entire second half never lets up from its tedious and confusing nature.  None of the characters in the "real world" that we meet well into the movie are given any sort of context to care about, and everything lingers and lingers on people sitting in a movie theater, occasionally talking, and then getting scared until the plot of the "not real world" movie is left frustratingly dangling.  It would not be an 80s horror movie without a final scene that throws even more confusion on all of the previous ones so all that said and done, good luck trying to maintain your interest while everything goes all over the place.

80's Mexican Horror Part One

DEMONOID
(1981)
Dir - Alfredo Zacarías
Overall: MEH

Teetering on the verge of being a trainwreck, Alfredo Zacarías's Demonoid, (or Demonoid: Messenger of Death), is embarrassingly stupid for the large bulk of it.  The premise of a mummy hand that possesses anyone it grabs is a difficult one to pull off without looking silly as said appendage regularly does battle with people who are trying to make it seem believable that they are wrestling with what is ultimately a rubber toy.  The fact that no attempt is made to explain any of the mythology going on makes the film's entire supernatural struggle one that never becomes engaging because it is really anybody's guess as to why anything is happening.  The performances dip into incompetence here or there with some of the actors either coming off way too excited or not nearly excited enough.  Probably the most hilarious blunders are the absurd musical themes which show up every couple of seconds it seems, ridiculously punching up some scenes in the most abrupt fashion.  Combining Omen-esque Latin chanting with a triumphant, action movie melody, the score could not be less fitting if it tried.  It is occasionally amusing how poor everything comes together though, so you can at least give it that.

 

EL EXTRAÑO HIJO DEL SHERIFF

(1982)

Dir - Fernando Durán Rojas

Overall: MEH

A supernatural horror western from prolific Mexican director Fernando Durán Rojas, El extraño hijo del Sheriff, (The Sheriff's Strange Son, El hijo del Sheriff, The Strange Son of the Sheriff), utilizes the ole Siamese twins set-up where one of them is diabolical and out for vengeance against those who separated him from his brother.  If this sounds suspiciously like the premise to Frank Henenlotter's Basket Case, (also released in 1982), then you get the idea of what is in store here, just if you eliminated the wacky, midnight movie presentation and the whole idea of one of the twins being a deformed monstrosity.  So in other words, this is a much more lackadaisical affair with no memorable set pieces of any kind.  Perhaps due to the clearly minuscule budget and Wild West setting, it is much more akin to genre movies from a decade and some change prior and Rojas uses the usual tactics of camera zooms and drawn-out, completely unengaging sequences with stock shot construction and zero momentum.  Also, you can count the number of times that otherwordly activity occurs on one hand and there is no spooky atmosphere to speak of, besides some glass breaking and character's eyes changing color.

VENENO PARA LAS HADAS
(1984)
Dir - Carlos Enrique Taboada
Overall: MEH

The penultimate directorial effort from Carlos Enrique Taboada, (though he would go on to write screenplays for another decade or so), was 1984's Veneno Para Las Hadas.  Translated to Poison for the Fairies, it is a somewhat predictable tale of two young girls who fancy themselves witches, something that of course does not end up well for them.  As a psychological horror film centered solely around children, (no adult faces are seen unless they are dead or meant to be terrifying), it is an interesting approach that presents everything as taking place in the wild imaginations of the two young leads.  The concept does not carry the movie through though as there are a number of problems with it.  Once again, the often cheerful musical score seems to be taken from a completely different movie and never once compliments the proper tone.  Also, there are a couple of cuts that seem sudden and unintentionally funny and the second act slows down to a numbing crawl where the girls spend endless minutes gathering up items for a witches stew, (the fairy poison of the title).  After awhile it becomes depressing to watch one of them get so easily manipulated by the other who is being endlessly cruel to her.  The ending is also pretty jerky and rather void of context, made all the more curious by that same inappropriate music accompanying it.

80's American Horror Shorts Part One

THE MUSIC OF ERICH ZANN
(1980)
Dir - John Strysik
Overall: GOOD

The Music of Erich Zann is on the long list of H.P. Lovecraft stories that have been brought to the screen more than once.  This particular version is a short film and the debut from John Strysik, who would continue in the horror genre having directed a number of Tales from the Darkside episodes in the late 80s.  Very deliberately British in style, (it follows the tone set by the BBC's A Ghost Story for Christmas series rather closely), the movie omits several details from Lovecraft's original work but otherwise adapts it rather faithfully.  Taking the more popular Lovecraft character name of Charles Dexter Ward, (though he was left unnamed in the Erich Zann source material), Robert Rothman is a bit weak as the narrator/college student, lacking the proper, charismatic voice needed to eerily convey the unusual, madness-inducing goings on.  Yet that is a minor qualm as it is otherwise appropriately atmospheric in its low budget form.

POSSIBLY IN MICHIGAN
(1983)
Dir - Cecelia Condit
Overall: GOOD

*Cue Troy McClure looking at the camera in utter bemusement*  Less than a minute into Cecelia Condit's student/whatever film Possibly in Michigan, (a video which has since gone viral and garnished the much deserved confusion and chuckles from anybody who has viewed it), it is already overwhelming how confoundingly stylized it is.  Part new wave music video, part PSA video maybe kind of, part incompetent filmmaking, part feminist propaganda, and all "Ummm, huh?", Possibly in Michigan is ultimately indescribable now matter how many ways you go about articulating it.  How it qualifies as a horror film can come down to the fact that it is so exasperatingly bizarre that it could be seen as inadvertently, (or intentionally for all we know), creepy.  Plus there are guys with masks and cannibalism in it because why wouldn't there be?  Avant-garde to parody levels, it is something to be experienced alright and easily in the upper tears of "What in the fuck did I just watch?" cinema.

WHERE EVIL DWELLS
(1985)
Dir - Tommy Turner/David Wojnarowicz
Overall: WOOF

Experimental films are fine.  Unless they are not.  Which brings us to the tortuously unwatchable Where Evil Dwells.  Part of the cinema of transgression movement in New York which started in the 1980s, two assholes from who cares made this piece of shit that apparently is influenced by the 1984 stabbing of Gary Lauwers by Ricky Kasso, a drug dealer scumbag whacked out on PCP.  Not that you would have any idea that was the case by watching this.  All of the wrong kind of pretentiousness for an excruciating twenty-eight minutes, it is a bunch of random, impossible to make out garbage shot in black and white on 8mm film that plays over one of the most deliberately terrible sound designs in all of movie history.  There is no way to decipher any of the dialog present either, including way too much from a ventriloquist dummy that obnoxiously sets the tone from the first scene.  Whatever the hell visceral, avant-garde experiment this was supposed to be comes off as unrelentingly boring nonsense instead.

BAR-B-QUE MOVIE
(1988)
Dir - Alex Winter
Overall: MEH

As nice as it would be to enjoy a ten-minute film made by Alex Winter and staring the Butthole Surfers, sadly the result that is Bar-B-Que Movie leaves a mostly craptacular taste in one's mouth.  Nothing happening here is meant to be taken seriously and that is made crystal clear from frame one.  Man is it stupid though, (probably too stupid), for its own "trying way too hard to be terrible" good.  The juvenile factor is turned up to eleven since there is literally nothing more to it than middle fingers, farts, horniness, cartoon sound effects, and the most eye-ball rollingly lame and lazy "jokes" you can imagine.  The highlight is easily the Surfer's quasi-music video for "Fast", (a.k.a "Fart Song"), which for any fan of the band will provide a chuckle or two.  Elsewhere, it is more or less a moronic waste of time and only a horror movie in the fact that a family of idiots ends up eating their son.  Which sounds funnier than it is.

80's Foreign Horror Shorts Part Two

LE REVISSEMENT DE FRANK N. STEIN
(1982)
Dir - Georges Schwizgebel
Overall: GOOD

The debut from Swiss animator/filmmaker George Schwizgebel was Le revissement de Frank N. Stein, (The Ravishing of Frank N. Stein), an experimental combination of primitive animation and electronic music courtesy of Michael Horowitz and Rainer Boesch.  Essentially one continuous, nine minute shot, Schwizgebel sets in hypnotic motion an evolution of the emotional state of Frankenstein's creation, (which could stand in for the emotional evolution of any human being), beginning with an elementary interpretation of its surroundings and eventually morphing into a longing for love and acceptance.  Also because Frankenstein, things naturally do not work out.  Picking but one of the themes of Mary Shelley's original novel and then rotoscoping over actual footage from Universal's The Bride of Frankenstein, it is a simple yet interesting and trance-like look into one of the more moving aspects of the famous story.

THE PENDULUM, THE PIT AND HOPE
(1983)
Dir - Jan Švankmajer
Overall: GREAT

One of the many adaptations of Edgar Alan Poe's famed The Pit and the Pendulum, Czechoslovakian filmmaker Jan Švankmajer also merges it here with Auguste Villiers de L'lsle-Adam's A Torture By Hope for Kyvadlo, jáma a nadeje, (The Pendulum, the Pit and Hope).  Though many movies have been made based around Poe's source material, there may not be another more visceral than this.  Shot in grainy black and white, combining live action with stop-motion animation, and featuring POV camera work almost exclusively with no dialog or music, it presents a harrowing yet primitively stylized examination of mounting fear.  There are three set pieces in just under fifteen minute and each one portrays a combination of certain doom,yet as the title would suggest, also hope.  The set design is superb, particularly a mechanical fire and brimstone device that seems hellbent, (har, har), on sealing our protagonist's fate, a protagonist whose face is never shown to us and whose heavy breathing is the only sound we hear exiting their body.

GEOMETRIA
(1987)
Dir - Guillermo del Toro
Overall: GOOD

The tenth and to date last short film by Guillermo del Toro that has actually been released, Geometria, (Geometry), showcases the filmmaker's more comical side while simultaneously being as gruesome and macabre as ever.  Based somewhat off of the short story Naturally by Fredric Brown and borrowing the classic, often used Monkey's Paw logic to hilarious effect, two versions of the movie exist with the director's cut actually being the shorter one that features a different score by Christopher Drake who would go on to do numerous animated film's including the two del Toro produced in the Hellboy series.  In either edit, it is a solid pre-curser to del Toro's first full-length Cronos that would appear several years later, though again, much more on the funny side.  The color schemes are straight out of Italian horror, (particularly and intentionally the likes of Mario Bava), and though it is more than competently shot, the low-budget make-up effects and gore still help give it a delightful, amateurish charm.

DEATH AND THE MOTHER
(1988)
Dir - Ruth Lingford
Overall: GOOD

This very sombre and chilling wood-etching animated short was the debut from British animator Ruth Lingford.  It is a fairly close re-telling of the Hans Christian Andersen tale The Story of the Mother which was originally published in 1847, here titled Death and the Mother.  The film as well as the original source material itself can be looked at in a number of different lights.  An allegory for the sacrificial nature that any mother has to go through as well as the inevitability of death itself, (Death being personified both as a hidden, sudden presence as well as one that is wholly part of nature), it is an impressive feat for a mere ten minute, dialog-less movie to raise so many stimulating questions.  Lingford's primitive animation style contributes rather ideally, flowing in a continuous fashion and bringing in yet another layer of how life and eventually death both move in such a linear, inescapable paths.

KITCHEN SINK
(1989)
Dir - Alison Maclean
Overall: GOOD

Another black and white, part avant-garde short film with a number of themes to dissect, it is a fair comparison to see Kitchen Sink as sort of a feminist answer to David Lynch's seminal Eraserhead, be it one that is not so much concerned with the fears of being a parent but more the fears and desires of being in a relationship to begin with.  Though she was operating and living in New Zealand at the time, Canadian Alison Maclean, (who would go on to direct Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn" video which we all saw several thousand times on VH1 back in the late 90s), concocts a strange examination of female sexuality, boredom, loneliness and the way that men can be looked at as being horrifying, intriguing, and tantalizing from such a perspective.  The ending can further emphasize how these toxic qualities can be reoccurring as curiosity and human nature ultimately get the better out of our two, unnamed characters who are frightened, turned-on, afraid of, and nurturing to each other throughout the minuscule running time.

80's Anime Horror Part Two

KYŌUFU DENSETSU KAIKI! FRANKENSTEIN
(1981)
Dir - Yugo Serikawa/Toyoo AshidaOverall:
Overall: MEH

This was the second Marvel comics monster adaptation from the Toei Animation studio, the first being Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned based off of The Tomb of Dracula.  Never given an official title in its American-dubbed form, this one has survived under both Monster of Frankenstein and Frankenstein Legend of Terror.  Similar in its production and featuring identical animation, it also shares some of the previous Dracula film's flaws which are sub-par voice acting, dated, inappropriate music, embarrassing dialog, silly narration, and a number of plot points that do not necessarily add up.  How Frankenstein's monster got his outfit and how he tracked his creator down over such a far distance so quickly are just two such details that are left vague to say the least.  It suffers more though by veering ever farther from its source material and the story is as bare bones as anything from Mary Shelley's initial novel source.  Dr. Frankenstein creates his monster, immediately regrets it, and then it runs amok and is hopelessly misunderstood.  It progresses at a miserable rate and ends on a note so unnecessarily depressing that it becomes inadvertently funny.  These aspects all contribute to the mundane nature of the entire thing, which never once picks up any steam to become that appealing.

LILY C.A.T.
(1987)
Dir - Hisayuki Toriumi
Overall: GOOD

Though it is really nothing more than yet another Alien clone, (and Alien itself having derived from a steady tradition of "astronauts going into deep space and getting their vessel infiltrated by a hostile, alien form" science fiction films), Lily C.A.T. works its cliches pretty good.  None of the anti-corporation, "this is a hard life and we don't matter" themes are anything new, plus and handful of tropes such as a logical, bad-ass captain who sacrifices himself unemotionally, a wanted criminal with a heart of gold, and a jarhead who is the first to get whacked are ones that we have seen in some variation in all of these types of movies.  Yet clocking in at only seventy-minutes, it gets in and gets out without lingering too long on such familiarity.  That said, it is rather dialog heavy with many of the characters unloading their lines without stopping for air.  Yet due to the moderate running time, it is refreshing to not pussy-foot around, (pun intended).  Also the voice acting is solid for a change, complimenting the script as it should.  Director Hisayuki Toriumi utilizes some excellent music, camera angles, and set pieces to creepy effect, styling it less like an anime and more like a live action horror movie.  Reinventing the wheel Lily C.A.T. is not, but it does a swell job for what it is.

DEMON CITY SHINJUKU
(1988)
Dir - Yoshiaki Kawajiri
Overall: MEH

Directed by Yoshiaki Kawajiri from Wicked City and Ninja Scroll fame, Demon City Shinjuku is yet another adaptation of one of horror novelist Hideyuki Kikuchi's works.  A similar premise of demons and humans at odds with each other is once again afoot and this time the results are overall a bit more silly and redundant.  For curious reasons, the accents are all over the place here.  Even though it takes place in Japan and most of the characters are animated in the usual nondescript, anime style, everything from bad Chicano, hillbilly, British, American, and Eastern European accents are on display in a desperate attempt to make everyone sound like they are from a completely different part of the world for whatever reason.  Considering the lack of nudity or comparatively more subdued gore, some of the dialog comes off unnecessarily crass, resulting in some possibly unintended laughs.  Pacing wise, it screeches to a halt more than a few times where characters literally just stare at each other for several moments in silence as if the animators forgot to actually animate.  The presentation is still excellently stylized though and the desolate title city overrun by monsters and criminals looks fantastic.  Kawajiri also manages to conduct a few memorable acts, at least when the aforementioned pacing issues are not getting in the way.

80's Anime Horror Part One

DRACULA: SOVEREIGN OF THE DAMNED
(1980)
Dir - Akinori Nagaoka/Minoru Okazaki
Overall: GOOD

On paper, the concept of a condensed, ninety-minute film based off of the superb Marvel title of The Tomb of Dracula seems fool proof.  Animated by the Toei studio in Japan and eventually released in America under the title of Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned, (the original title being Yami no Teiō: Kyūketsuki Dorakyura, a.k.a. Emperor of Darkness: Vampire Dracula), the movie works for both fans of the comic and horror aficionados due to its technically impressive animation and a good amount of macabre set pieces.  This would include Lucifer-summoning black masses, a showdown in a remote Transylvanian graveyard against a horde of undead, and on the funny side, Dracula sitting in a diner in New York eating a hamburger.  As far as having a lasting legacy though, it becomes a bit unintentionally goofy in a lot of respects.  Cramming such a large amount of comic book issues into a single story, it seems hugely rushed and plot holes are inevitable.  The American dubbing is typically atrocious and worse yet, the dialog is as awful as some of the voice casting.  It is quite a problem when your title villain comes off more laughable than intimidating and the inclusion of hammy narration at various points ups the schlock value even further.  Oh and there is really dated disco music throughout.  In spite of all of its flaws though, it is undeniably a unique entry into the Dracula film cannon.

VAMPIRE HUNTER D
(1985)
Dir - Toyoo Ashida
Overall: GOOD

The first adaptation of Hideyuki Kikuchi's Vampire Hunter D series was the one in OVA form from anime designer/filmmaker Toyoo Ashida.  It is one of the works that helped shift anime further from its more family-oriented properties and instead exclusively targeted an adult or young adult audience while shamelessly channeling Gothic, European horror films from the 50s-70s.  Vampire Hunter D has become rather renowned and naturally spawned a sequel as well as a video game, magna, and comic book line in addition to the number of Kikuchi's pre-existing light novels.  It works in the anime framework where some of the dialog and situations become inadvertently comical due to the cultural interpretation by American voice actors for an American audience and the animation itself seems primitive in parts while being wholly stylized with anatomically incorrect body types and unrealistic gore.  These are hardly a hindrance though and the mythology and lore that heavily drenches the plot seems both familiar and exciting in equal measures.  It still plays out as a mostly sincere merging of tropes and does a well enough job of setting itself apart from hoards of similar vampire vehicles in other mediums.

WICKED CITY
(1987)
Dir - Yoshiaki Kawajiri
Overall: GOOD

This full-length sophomore effort from animator Yoshiaki Kawajiri was made after an initial short was produced which impressed the Japan Home Video corporation enough that they then greenlit the full adaptation of Hideyuki Kikuchi's novel of the same name.  Full of misogyny, boobs, and plot holes, (as well as demon-woman-spider-monsters who shoot webs out of their vaginas), Wicked City manages to be a pretty enjoyably inventive, erotic neo-noir despite some of its silliness.  Presenting mostly blue, co-existing realms where demons and humans go to great lengths in remaining at peace when they are not boning each other, the script may not be the most intellectually gripping, but it gets by on its imaginative visuals and moody tone.  The comic relief found in the adorably horny and seemingly irresponsible Giuseppe Mayar character notwithstanding, Kawajiri maintains a serious feel that makes the simple story a forgivable one, even when characters routinely stand still while their enemies very slowly unveil some kind of battle maneuver that will surely doom them.  In this case, making a striking and exciting world is the chief objective though and in that capacity, it is a solid success.