70's Spanish Horror Part Five

SCREAM OF THE DEMON LOVER
(1970)
Dir - José Luis Merino
Overall: WOOF

A wretchedly boring, run-of-the-mill Euro-Gothic nudie, Scream of the Demon Lover, (Il castello dalle porte di fuoco, Ivanna), is nothing but cliches front to back and only for those ravenous enough to find no error in such a trait.  Laboratories, murdered village maidens, a devilish yet charming Barron, a hideous monster, a torture chamber, a disapproving housekeeper, a castle that the townsfolk are afraid of with mysterious locked doors inside, dubbing that is not good, pacing that could not be in less of a hurry, and possibly more camera zooms than Jamaica has mangos, it never lets up on the vapid, hackneyed horror tropes.  As a Spanish-Italian co-production with actors from each country, (given anglicized names for US release), the performances transcend the stock dubbing at least which is about the only mild positive you can grant it.  If you are looking for boobs and gore, it is not very plentiful in either, but rest assured, a woman does almost get raped of course because why wouldn't such a moment like that happen?

MANIAC MANSION
(1972)
Dir - Francisco Lara Polop
Overall: MEH

Taking your sweet ass time making a horror movie, well, seem like a horror movie is a risky undertaking.  Acting as the debut from Spanish filmmaker Francisco Lara Polop, (who did not make another horror film until his last, 1990's The Monk), Manic Mansion, (La mansión de la niebla, Murder Mansion), is not likely to blow anybody's mind with its first two meandering acts.  Even with tired tropes like characters getting lost in the fog and holding up in a mysterious castle, women going in to shock just because they were told a vaguely disturbing story, creepy passages leading to creepy crypts, and a convoluted, Scooby-Doo worthy plot to drive people crazy with would-be supernatural shenanigans, so little happens of any interest for so long that by the time the movie starts really indulging in its cliches, you have forgotten what the mystery was supposed to be.  It is all in fact so unendurably boring though that it is almost impossible to tell that there is a mystery going on in the first place.  It perhaps could have been a more pleasantly unique, contemporarily set bit of Gothic horror otherwise, but too little, too generic, too late.

THE KILLER OF DOLLS
(1975)
Dir - Miguel Madrid
Overall: GOOD

A positively weird, Spanish semi-giallo, The Killer of Dolls, (El asesino de muñecas, Killing of the Dolls), is the second of only three films directed by Miguel Madrid, here going by the name Michael Skaife.  It focuses on an odd, young, thin, hairy, effeminate, Norman Bates stand-in who wears a woman's mask and wig, likes to take lots of baths and showers, hallucinates mannequins and dolls everywhere, and naturally enjoys murdering and fondling people because a woman in a mirror tells him to.  He is also a surgical school reject who got kicked out for being afraid of blood.  Indulging in hazy dream sequences and impatient editing, Madrid keeps up a remarkably frenzied pace that is rarely not burdensome for a change.  The film's overall presentation is quite manic, fusing the usual elements of overtly dramatic acting, colorful set and costume design, zooms, nonsensical plotting, and a dated, porn-worthy soundtrack that also includes a fittingly random rock music sequence that is as ridiculous as anything else going on.  This is not one that is particularly easy to keep up with, but that is also certainly part of its fun.  It is a shame that Madrid was behind the lens on so few occasions as his work here is eccentric enough to take note of.

70's Vincent Price Part Two

SCREAM AND SCREAM AGAIN
(1970)
Dir - Gordon Hessler
Overall: MEH

Released the same year as The House the Dripped Blood and the second pairing of Vincent Price with director Gordon Hessler, Scream and Scream Again was Amicus Productions' version of a hip, contemporary-set sci-fi thriller.  The horror tinged title is not the only misleading aspect as the three icons in the genre who receive top billing, (Price, Christopher Lee, and Peter Cushing respectfully together in one film for the very first time), collectively have the least amount of screen time out of anyone present.  Not only that, but besides one brief moment near the end, they also share no scenes together.  Foiled expectations out of the way, what is left is an impressively confusing presentation.  For almost the entire film's duration, the plotting is so unapologetically obtuse that by the time it explains everything, (or tries to), in one gigantic expository dialog dump, there is still an alarming number of questions in place of answers.  While repeated viewings may make sense of a few more things, the drawn-out pacing and dated, unsuspenseful music also hinder the whole.  Too impenetrable to truly recommend, its complexity is somewhat admirable at least.

DR. PHIBES RISES AGAIN
(1972)
Dir - Robert Fuest
Overall: GOOD

It says a lot that a movie with an almost insultingly lazy, hole-ridden script following up an unarguable masterpiece within its genre can still get by on its stylish charm, violence, and of course Vincent Price in top, camp-fueled form.  While The Abominable Dr. Phibes wrapped up with an open-ended enough finale, it still unmistakably comes off that its sequel Dr. Phibes Rises Again rather concocted a premise out of the ether.  Wouldn't Phibes had mentioned something in the first film about sleeping for three years to go find the river of life in Egypt when the stars aligned?  In any event, things cruise along at a near-laughable rate and the storyline barely takes a breath to explain how Phibes' fancy bed right under his demolished house managed to go undiscovered, how he still has gallons of disposable income, a fully equipped, electricity-laced hide-out in a presumably unexplored cave in a different part of the world, elaborate murder contraptions at his disposal at all times, a beautiful assistant who just materializes to life after being burned to death in the last movie, and a police force who proclaims "he always comes back" when in fact this is actually the very first time that he has come back.  All of the goofy ideas mesh well enough with the intended humor and Price's expertly tongue-in-cheek performance.  Even if it is a mess compared to its predecessor, it is a damn fun mess to be sure.

ALICE COOPER: THE NIGHTMARE
(1975)
Dir -  Jorn H. Winther
Overall: GREAT

Given the chance to promote his first solo album Welcome to My Nightmare after the Alice Cooper band officially folded, good ole Vincent Furnier indulged his love of theatrics and horror movies with the television special Alice Cooper: The Nightmare.  Originally broadcast on ABC on April 25th, 1975, (a month and some change after the album was released), it is essentially a series of promotional music videos for every song off said record, plus "The Ballad of Dwight Fry", thankfully so.  The "Steven" and "The Awakening" segments are probably the creepiest while "Some Folks" and "Department of Youth" are the most kitsch-friendly.  Also, Vincent Price is in it, expanding his role as the "Black Widow" guy on the album as the Spirit of the Nightmare here.  Cooper's eventual wife Sheryl is spottable too as a dancer in a few sequences, namely as the title character in "Cold Ethyl".  All parties involved seem to be having a splendid time, Cooper and Price playing off of each other in such a hammy, fun way that it is a shame they did not work together on any further spook show projects.  Considering that WTMN is the strongest solo Alice album, there is not a weak moment present musically.  The overall production is excellently staged though as a camp-fueled, macabre variety hour.

70's Vincent Price Part One

CRY OF THE BANSHEE
(1970)
Dir - Gordon Hessler
Overall: MEH

The second film in so many years that had Vincent Price playing a malevolent witchhunter, (1968's Witchfinder General being the other one), Cry of the Banshee has a noticeable air of redundancy to it.  The same could be said about House of Usher and The Pit and the Pendelum from the previous decade though, which also can fairly be seen as two different versions of the same movie.  In any event, this would be the last pairing of Vincent Price and director Gordon Hessler, (with Christopher Wicking likewise returning to re-write the screenplay), and it is neither particularly unique nor terrible.  Price rarely participated in any horror movies squarely on the side of terrible, but he is also not really given too much to work with in order to elevate anything here beyond the realm of mediocrity.  The script is not without its share of inconsistencies and in fact a major plot point revolves around Price's Lord Edward Whitman acting quite out of character and letting a proven witch and her coven escape into the woods instead of doing away with them as he does anyone else who is simply accused of being in league with evil Pagan deities.  An opening title sequence by Terry Gilliam certainly helps a little bit though.

AN EVENING OF EDGAR ALLAN POE
(1970)
Dir - Kenneth Johnson
Overall: GOOD

This television production made by American International Pictures has a simple enough premise of Vincent Price in different period costumes and wigs reciting four different works from Edgar Allan Poe.  Primarily shot as a live theater piece, (Price is not literally sitting with a book of Poe's works in front of him, but has in fact memorized them as a monologue as he would on stage), Price is unhinged in the very best of ways.  Considering that most of Poe's works are from the perspective of an individual succumbing to madness, the horror icon lets loose here, enthusiastically sinking his thespian claws into each performance as feverishly as anyone ever has.  The camerawork has a hard time keeping up with his physical mannerisms occasionally, but otherwise the presentation is solid by making the most out of the minimal setup and only indulging in some production enhancements with the final "The Pit and the Pendulum" segment.  Aside from that one, other popular pieces "The Tell-Tale Heart" and "The Cask of Amontillado" are also present, though it is nice that the lesser-known "The Sphinx" is given a spotlight as well.

MADHOUSE
(1974)
Dir - Jim Clark
Overall: MEH

One of the final films by Amicus Productions, Madhouse whether intentionally or coincidentally represents sort of an end of an era for its star Vincent Price.  As the semi-autobiographical horror actor Paul Toombes, (Dr. Death), Price is haunted by his own real life movies, clips of which are shown from several.  While he was anything but washed up or bitter about his typecasting in horror, his prolific output in the genre did take a sabbatical after this film which pays homage to and also knowingly parodies some of his renowned and popular works from the previous decade and some change.  The premise starts off promising enough yet after awhile, it becomes a bit silly as so many people in and around Toombes' television comeback keep being outlandishly done away with while the production never gets shut down and no arrests ever get made.  Plot issues persist elsewhere, frequently becoming more odd and awkward as it goes on.  The spirit to make it a campy and macabre romp is present, but it never quite delivers.  At least not in the way that the Price movies it references and aspires to deliver.  The Dr. Death make-up is cool and Peter Cushing is dressed as Dracula in one scene though, so there is that.

70's British Horror Part Twenty

WHAT BECAME OF JACK AND JILL?
(1972)
Dir - Bill Bain
Overall: MEH

At the turn of the 70s, Amicus Pictures attempted to break into more strictly exploitative terrain to counter act their excellent, contemporary-set anthology films.  What Became of Jack and Jill?, (an adaptation of Laurence Moody's novel The Ruthless Ones), was the lone result of this concept and it is a rather stodgy one at that.  Australian director Bill Bain spent the later years of his career working in Britain, never on anything that substantial.  Not that the blame lies exclusively at his feet here, but this is mostly sluggish, uninteresting scenes set to no music.  Because the story plays out as a combination of unpleasant and boring, it fails to create a properly moody atmosphere.  Instead, we just watch a lazy, scumbag young couple vaguely torment and manipulate an elderly woman into thinking the youth is out to get old people as they wait for her to croak so that they can carelessly spend her inheritance.  As an interesting side note, this would be the penultimate film appearance from Vanessa Howard, who would abruptly, (and to some, mysteriously), retire after the following year's The Picture of Dorian Gray television production.

TALES THAT WITNESS MADNESS
(1973)
Dir - Freddie Francis
Overall: MEH

In the midst of working for both Hammer and Amicus on a consistent stream of horror properties, director Freddie Francis made a brief detour with the lesser known World Film Services while sticking with the exact same sort of material, namely anthology horror.  Tales That Witness Madness has Donald Pleasence and Joan Collins on board as well as a small hodgepodge of other familiar British character actors, many of which regularly appeared in other such omnibus productions.  Scripted by actress Jennifer Jayne, (whose only other writing credit was the same year's Harry Nilsson-starred spoof Son of Dracula, also helmed by Francis), its segment concepts are either generic or positively odd.  There is the standard, imaginary friend story, but that is followed by one where a portrait of someone's uncle possesses him to ride a penny-farthing bicycle to travel back and time, (?!?), and then one where a tree and a wife jealously fight over the same man's affections.  The most unsettling comes last and involves some sort of Hawaiian pagan ceremony in which Doctor Who's Mary Tamm plays a significant role.  None of the stories are poor, but they and the presentation is pretty formulaic, be it still mildly enjoyable.

DRACULA
(1974)
Dir - Dan Curtis
Overall: MEH

A dream team collaboration of sorts between prolific horror television director Dan Curtis, prolific horror screenwriter and I Am Legend author Richard Matheson, and Jack Palance rather ideally cast in the title role, this British, 1974 televised adaptation of Dracula is mostly of note for said personnel being involved.  As far as offering up anything unique against the enormous crop of other versions, this was the first to portray the Count and Vlad Țepeș as the same person and also the first to introduce the concept of a resurrected love, Lucy in this case.  Otherwise, it is a polished, adequately produced interpretation, but also one that mostly feels rushed.  Usually the first act between Dracula and Johnathan Harker at the former's Gothic Transylvanian residence is the most atmospheric and moody, but it is regrettably gotten out of the way quickly here.  Then, entire other characters and sub-plots such as Quincey Morris, John Seward, and even Reinfeld are omitted altogether.  This is not particularly singular amongst Dracula films which often slice and dice the source material to make for something more compact though.  Those familiar with the rightfully better known Dracula movies will not have a hard time keeping up with the hurried presentation, but so many have been made that this one inevitably bleeds together with the rest.  Pun intended.

70's British Horror Part Nineteen

ENDLESS NIGHT
(1972)
Dir - Sidney Gilliat
Overall: MEH

The last film directed by Sidney Gilliat was the later-era, Agatha Christie adaptation Endless Night.  Christie's works generally was not brimming with horror elements and this is no exception.  The, (very), few times something approaching macabre happens, it is a bit jarring due to how vaguely non-confrontational the actual story is.  The characters are rather likeable and outside of a mildly eccentric old crone who only has one scene of dialog spouting some general warning about a curse, nothing antagonistic seems to be afoot.  Naturally, this ultimately does not last as there would not be much of a movie without some sort of plot jolt, but the twist does come a bit abrupt and even brutishly so.  The way that the film is presented is more interesting and ultimately satisfying than how unpleasantly the story is resolved.  Clues are given as to the main character's deficient psyche as he confuses what he is seeing and hearing, plus we are never shown who he is talking to off camera until the end.  By that point, it has treaded too weak on the thrills and chills it probably needed all along though.

DON'T LOOK NOW
(1973)
Dir - Nicolas Roeg
Overall: GOOD

One of the most influential and renowned psychological horror films ever made, Don't Look Now, (A Venezia... un Dicembre rosso shocking), was the third effort from cinematographer turned director Nicolas Roeg.  Based off of the short story of the same name by English author Daphne du Maurier, few horror films if any make grief such a primary focus.  Understanding that the mere concept of losing one's child is about the most traumatic and ergo horrifying thing a couple can experience, Roeg forgoes any cheap genre pandering altogether.  Examining the concept of supernatural premonitions, both the characters and the viewer become disoriented with an almost aggressive use of motifs shown via flashback and flash-forward editing techniques.  A sprawling, labyrinth-like Venice is purposefully used to its  advantage, creating a complex barrier where both the language and physical location itself is frustratingly foreign.  Every creative component, (direction, editing, cinematography, performances), cooperates rather ideally and the film's patience with its subject matter never comes off as laborious.

SPECTRE
(1977)
Dir - Clive Donner
Overall: GOOD

One of a handful of failed 70's pilots by Star Trek creator/producer Gene Roddenberry, Spectre is an occasionally clashing and odd, occult-themed detective property that is rather reminiscent enough of others from the era.  Kolchak; The Night Stalker naturally comes to mind.  Falling short of being picked up as a series in the US, an extended version was released in the UK with nudity added to exploit it up a bit.  There is a bit of a charm to the hodgepodge of supernatural details frequently used and the skeptic vs. believer relationship between the two main characters, (American actors Robert Culp and Gig Young respectfully), mirrors that of agents Mulder and Scully in The X-Files some seventeen years later.  The editing is occasionally a bit harsh and the added ingredient of random, near-sex scenes gives it clumsy, unfocused feel.  Of course no occult movie worth its weight in pentagrams would be complete without a showstopping black mass and the Asmodeus-praising one here makes good with the crimson and black robes, the screaming, and the crazy make-up.  Goofy business yet still kind of fun.

70's British Horror Part Eighteen

DIE SCREAMING, MARIANNE
(1971)
Dir - Pete Walker
Overall: WOOF

Pure, laboriously dull nonsense from beginning to end, Die Screaming, Marianne was Pete Walker's first minor foray into horror and it is as unremarkable as they come.  Calling it a horror film is as misleading as the title, but if one uses their imagination, they can almost see it as a thriller of sorts.  The plot is equally convulsed and uninteresting which is an insurmountable obstacle to overcome.  Whether or not the characters here meet through convenience or contrived scheming is as inconsequential as how they come to their end.  Worse yet, Leo Genn mumbles his lines so obnoxiously that almost none of his dialog is even decipherable.  Never once along the way is anyone's relationship to anything that is happening fleshed out anyway.  With such a murky, barely present story to work with, absolutely no tension arises throughout.  By the ending, you are likely to be as confused and as bored as you were at any other point before that.  Being a Walker film might make it of passing interest to those familiar with the director's more notable works, but this is assuredly, (and rightfully), an obscure one.

FRENZY
(1972)
Dir - Alfred Hitchcock
Overall: GOOD

Alfred Hitchcock's return to London after having spent decades in Hollywood resulted in his penultimate film Frenzy.  A typically violent murder thriller for the director, (after his previous two works Tom Curtain and Topaz were espionage themed), it was based on the Arthur La Bern novel Goodbye Piccadilly, Farewell Leicester Square.  The hallmarks of an innocently accused man being on the run where the smallest details of course end up being particularly important are both present, though the director breaks new ground for himself by including nudity for the first and last time in his career.  It is also a bit heavy on the humor both dark and light, such as how the script delves out important information via a police inspector eating insufferable gourmet cuisine from his chipper, naive wife.  Being a Hitchcock movie, there are naturally a handful of long takes and a couple of nerve-wracking scenes that are as memorable as any from the master of suspense, (an extended and almost ridiculous one taking place in a potato truck being particularly memorable).  It is often easy to take Hitchcock's work for granted, but even with so many legendary films under his belt, this one is easily still a high-note to nearly go off on.

DOMINIQUE
(1978)
Dir - Michael Anderson
Overall: MEH

An adaptation of Harold Lawlor's 1948 short story The Beckoning Ghost, Dominique, (Dominique Is Dead), has an interesting enough if not that singular of a premise where a scumbag husband drives his rich wife insane to the point of suicide, only to have the tides turned on himself in a pretty elaborate way.  It stops way short of being gruesome, but still has the proper, EC Comics comeuppance angle of spending almost the entire movie waiting for the bad guy to get his.  The wait is occasionally annoying as said bad guy, Cliff Robinson is awkwardly stiff, giving a performance that unfortunately borders on poor.  Both he and the wife also see a generous handful of seemingly unexplained, logic-defying things in a short time, yet neither barely utters a word to anybody about them and of course predictably look like fools when they do.  Anderson adapts a leisurely, deathly still pace for his numerous, tense set pieces which in fact take up nearly the entire movie, though most are rather decent.  The twist is as convoluted as one would assume and naturally rather unsatisfying, but it still gets by enough for what it is.

70's British Horror Part Seventeen

SCREAM...AND DIE!
(1973)
Dir - José Ramón Larraz
Overall: MEH

Originally screened as Please Don't Go in the Bedroom, but more commonly known as Scream...and Die! or The House That Vanished in U.S. markets, this was the first entirely British production directed by José Ramón Larraz, (likewise being the first where he went under the anglicized name "Joseph Larraz").  A proto-slasher of sorts yet lacking in the more lurid style of Italian giallos that were still in their prime, it is mostly concerned with dark, slow, drawn-out scenes that inevitably get interrupted by some form of a Lewton buss.  An incense sub-plot and plenty of boobs aside, the eerie pacing at least is not without its charm, but the script from sexploitation screenwriter Derk Ford has some logical shortcomings.  A woman witnesses a murder, the culprit of which begins clearly stalking her, and her friends advise her to sit back and wait it out, calling her foolish for wanting to go to the police.  While everything else from there goes for a tense atmosphere first and foremost, it is also then on flimsy footing story-wise, which regrettably undermines it.

SCHIZO
(1976)
Dir - Pete Walker
Overall: MEH

By 1976, naughty horror filmmaker Pete Walker was on a roll and Schizo marks yet another slasher outing that walks that careful line of blood, boobs, and mild bad taste.  While this is noticeably a comparatively less over the top offender of Walker's usual, aforementioned shtick, it does maintain yet another variation of his fundamental violence against youth theme as the killer here is a older gentleman targeting his former stepdaughter.  Sadly, the more serious approach wields rather mundane results as the script, (authored by Walker's frequent collaborator David McGillivray), brings virtually nothing unique to the table and has a twist that comes off as a cockamamie groan.  Many of the scenes are adequately suspenseful, but they are also very formulaic in the way that the killer toys with his primary victim and predictably does away with others.  It is even less impressive that once again no one takes a woman seriously who claims multiple times that someone is stalking her.  Instead, her husband, friends, and the cops all believe that she is most likely imagining everything, even though she has positively identified who her pursuer is.  Is there a more aggravating cliche?  Likely not.

THE LEGACY
(1978)
Dir - Richard Marquand
Overall: MEH

Flawed yet not without some weird, supernaturally pleasing ingredients at its disposal, The Legacy was the debut and only horror movie from future Return of the Jedi director Richard Marquand.  Co-scripted by Hammer screenwriter and director Jimmy Sangster, it is one of the many adequately funded, occult-themed genre films from the decade and a typically mediocre one.  For one, the musical score by Michael J. Lewis occasionally embellishes in dated and terrible romantic disco music and has an opening song sung by Kiki Dee which is equally appalling as well as positively mood killing.  The dialog gets clumsy from time to time with Sam Elliot and Katharine Ross, (in the movie that the real life married couple met on), suffering the most from it.  The script ultimately blows its chance to make for a satisfyingly creepy ending, but that said, the central mystery is sufficiently curious and finds room for some gruesome death sequences that break up the rest of its "people politely stuck in a house that they can't leave" monotony.  There is also Roger Daltrey and a cat with two different colored eyes in it for whatever that is worth.

70's British Horror Part Sixteen

THE FIEND
(1972)
Dir - Robert Hartford-Davis
Overall: MEH

British filmmaker Robert Hartford-Davis occasionally mingled with horror throughout his decade and some change career, never to any overtly successful degrees.  The Fiend, (Beware My Brethren), is no exception in this regard.  It is another example of religious nutjobs whose zeal crosses over into villainy, except with a serial killer on the loose angle thrown in to provide some extra gore and naked female bodies.  The story is basically a snore and tries one's patience with the amount of characters begging for repentance and finding repugnant sin in every possible activity.  Never one to shy away from chomping at the bit when it is available, Patrick Magee makes for a "good" fanatical Minister and character actor Tony Beckley, (The Italian Job, Doctor Who's "The Seeds of Doom"), cannot come off as anything but a villain even if it is a pathetic, partly-sympathetic one.  The movie is more dull than anything though and also has some positively clashing and embarrassing musical numbers included for reasons probably better left unknown.

I DON'T WANT TO BE BORN
(1975)
Dir - Peter Sasdy
Overall: MEH

An unintentional trainwreck that developed a well-warranted "so bad it's good" reputation since its dismal release, I Don't Want to Be Born, (The Devil Within Her, The Monster, Sharon's Baby), has all the inane hallmarks that one would expect to be present.  Ridiculous fake Italian accents, ridiculous expository dialog dumps, ridiculous dialog in general, ridiculous performances, ridiculous sound effects, and a generically unoriginal devil baby plot that comes closer to parody than anything else.  Not that it is particularly easy to make a serious movie about an unnaturally growing newborn with superhuman strength and malevolent superpowers such as putting a dead mouse in an old woman's tea.  More curious yet is the familiar, respected names on board such as Donald Pleasence, Ralph Bates, Joan Collins, Caroline Munro, and Eileen Atkins.  Also director Peter Sasdy whose career in the genre may have been uneven, but his work on Countess Dracula, Taste the Blood of Dracula, and others certainly does not resemble the embarrassing nonsense that is on screen here.  Say what you want about how awful it is, (which cannot be denied), but it is mostly not boring and makes for a worthy "bad movie night" entry to be sure.

PREY
(1977)
Dir - Norman J. Warren
Overall: MEH

The middle installment in Norman J. Warren's narratively unrelated 70's horror trilogy, Prey, (Alien Prey), is a robustly odd, Freudian ordeal.  Shot at a lone, isolated manor house with only three characters on screen for almost the entire duration, it is a noticeably low-budget affair with outrageous performances and heavy-handed hetero and homosexual themes co-mingling rather violently.  It is also a mess, though difficult to tell how unintentionally so.  Tedious pacing, (lots and lots of long, uninterrupted shots of characters walking from one place to another), behavior that is so erratic that it frequently crosses over into comedy, a random crossdressing scene that probably means something, and even a fatal pratfall are all cause for well warranted head-scratching from the viewer.  There is also an underlying B-movie worthy plot thread of an alien takeover with its own version of silly "So and so reporting back to base with my report on the humans" jargon.  Not to mention the alien makeup that is nothing more than a regular looking dude with a dog nose and some red eyes.  In any event, it is pretty steadily unpleasant with all of the screaming, arguing, and resentfully cruel sex scenes afoot.

70's British Horror Part Fifteen

TROG
(1970)
Dir - Freddie Francis
Overall: WOOF

With respected cinematographer and occasional director of notable horror films Freddie Francis, screenwriter and Hammer director John Gilling, Joan Crawford in her final film appearance, horror mainstay Michael Gough, and even a lifted stop-motion sequence from Ray Harryhausen's work on The Animal World documentary all joining forces, it just goes to prove that sometimes a reliable crop of talent is not enough to stop a trainwreck.  Trog is one of the most famously bad movies ever made.  While there are moments of pure, utter ridiculousness leisurely sprinkled throughout, it all gets off to a trudgy start with a snore-inducing first act.  The camp eventually does go a long way, from Crawford's surprisingly professional performance amongst such nonsense, to Gough's cartoonishly forced villainous one, to every single moment that the title character wearing half of an ape costume from 2001: A Space Odyssey is on screen.  It cannot be stressed enough how atrociously hilarious said troglodyte looks.  Scenes of him walking around in broad daylight as the musical score whimsically tries to make him sympathetic just defines schlock.  There are ultimately too many boring moments to warrant it as a hall of fame anti-classic, but it comes close enough at times, that is for sure.

FRIGHT
(1971)
Dir - Peter Collinson
Overall: MEH

Formulaic yet occasionally successful, Fright was one of the many straight thriller entries in director Peter Collinson's filmography.  Scripted by Tudor Gates, (Barbarella, The Vampire Lovers, Lust for a Vampire, Twins of Evil), it plays to familiar tropes such as a babysitter being targeted in a remote house, the phone lines being cut, women being told that they are imagining things, and an escaped mental patient fulfilling the proto-slasher killer role.  We have all seen these patterns utilized to greater effect elsewhere and the way that they blandly pile on here is really the movie's only undoing.  Elsewhere, there are some tense moments and solid performances even if none of it ultimately elevates the vanilla presentation.  The way the sociopath uncontrollably confuses two of the characters really does not say much beyond "he's crazy".  Similarly, the more sexually charged nature of the movie, (the boyfriend gets a bit pushy in the pants, the babysitter randomly stops to admire her body in a mirror, and the killer inevitably forces himself on her), are more there as scandalous ingredients to make it a bit more edgy, which was becoming more common for the era.

THE UNCANNY
(1977)
Dir - Claude Héroux
Overall: MEH

The same year that he stared as Grand Moff Tarkin in Star Wars, Peter Cushing lent his name and talents to this unofficial Amicus anthology The Uncanny.  Actually a British/Canadian co-production between Cinévidéo and The Rank Organization, (though Amicus founder Milton Subotsky was on board as producer), it has all of the hallmarks of any other omnibus horror films made in that country, thankfully so.  Well, all the hallmarks except being good.  It is difficult enough to get each individual entry in an anthology movie to measure up to each other in quality when they can all pick from wildly different subject matter.  It is even more problematic to have them pigeonhole a sinister feline element into them.  Thus is the case with The Uncanny which features a fear of cats as a linking thread, never managing to make such a premise anything except laughably lame.  Not that it is really presented as anything to be taken that seriously.  While having a ghoulish, knowing charm is a commendable trait for such fare, the enjoyment factor is regrettably amiss here.  Poor Mr. Cushing.  There is a reason people talk about Star Wars more.

70's British Horror Part Fourteen

DORIAN GRAY
(1970)
Dir - Massimo Dallamano
Overall: MEH

Italian director Massimo Dallamano, (who penned a number of giallos before and after this), also co-wrote what would be the eighth The Picture of Dorian Gray movie, here titled simply Dorian Gray, (or not so simply, also The Sins of Dorian Gray and A God Called Dorian translated in different markets).  The film is a textbook example of late 60s, early 70s mod cinema in which filmmakers became far more daring with what was allowed to be depicted due to the sexual revolution being in full swing, where more explicit subject matter in general was given liberal sway over the medium.  In this regard, the movie is inescapably dated with the setting being switched to then present day, swinging London.  Even as Gray ages however many decades he does, everyone is still dressed as if the 70s just started. Austrian actor Helmut Berger looks plenty the part, but he is too despicable in the title role, lacking the cold, unemotional charm of say Hurd Hatfield in the novel's best cinematic adaptation from 1945.  It fits the more decadent aspects of Oscar Wilde's original story and obviously goes much further in sexual debauchery than any previous version, but this does not necessarily make it that enjoyable.

THE NIGHT DIGGER
(1971)
Dir - Alastair Reid
Overall: MEH

The sophomore effort from British television director Alastair Reid, (with a score from Bernard Hermann no less), was this adaptation of Joy Cowley's Nest in a Fallen Tree novel.  Here titled The Night Digger, (The Road Builder in the U.K.), it is really quite the mess.  For a thriller, it sure is not very thrilling.  There is no suspense built up since we are only treated to a scant few malicious set pieces in the first place, with the movie routinely forgetting to figure out what kind of story it is even supposed to be telling.  Everyone's behavior just comes off as arbitrary and nearly every plot point seems underwritten, often astonishingly so.  From the relationship between a blind, doting mother and her adopted daughter, said daughter's romantic inclinations towards a young drifter handyman, and said handyman's drastic personality flips, each character's dynamics with each other are so vaguely defined that it feels like there are huge chunks of necessary information being constantly left out.  The ending in particularly comes laughably out of nowhere, almost making the whole movie seem like a farce.  It completely fails then to be properly engaging, instead becoming unintentionally confusing.

COUNT DRACULA
(1977)
Dir - Philip Saville
Overall: GOOD

By 1977, Dracula films had been regularly in production since the silent era and this version made by the BBC was not the first or even the last from England during that decade, let alone anywhere else in the world.  Since the story can go on auto-pilot for virtually any viewer at this point, we are only left to bask in the performances, technical aspects, and overall presentation, all the while comparing it to every other take on the source material that we have already seen.  In such a regard, Count Dracula offers the usual crop of good and sub-par components.  Its length may be intimidating, but at a hundred and fifty-five minutes, it is no wonder that this is considered one of the most faithful adaptations ever filmed as that provides ample enough time to cover a whole lot of details from Bram Stoker's novel.  There are some curious, odd, poor, and dated special effects, and overall the soap opera quality video style common of the BBC suffers the film visually.  French actor Louis Jordan's polite demeanor and Caucasian looks make for an unorthodox choice as the Count, but his performance remains respectfully committed at least.  Frank Finlay and Jack Shepherd make a fine Van Helsing and Renfield respectfully, but try not to bust out into hysterics over British singer Richard Barnes' Southern drawl as Quincey, which is even more pathetic than Keanu Reeves' infamous, forced accent in Francis Ford Coppola's version.

70's Foreign Horror Part Ten

CRIMES OF THE FUTURE
(1970)
Dir - David Cronenberg
Overall: MEH

This sophomore effort from David Cronenberg follows a similar structure as Stereo, his debut from the year before.  Featuring no dialog yet instead a commentary by actor Ronald Mlodzik, (who also started in Stereo), and running for just over an hour in length, Crimes of the Future is certainly not a horror film, but it is also not particularly good either.  Focusing on a post-plague, dystopian future, you would not necessarily pick up on this as it is mostly just a weirdo going into medical clinics and doing things like looking at organs in jars, licking people's feet, smiling at them as they take women's underwear out of bags, and pretending to be crippled while someone else tries to bend his knees.  He is apparently musing about or looking for his mentor, talking very slowly about it the whole time.  This all might mean something or it might instead just be a lot of pretentious, art movie nonsense.  While the pacing is insufferable, Cronenberg, (who also shot and edited the film), is juggling some ambitious ideas and it is occasionally engaging from a visual standpoint.  It is a shame that the film is rather dull and half-baked, but it is still a mildly interesting, disturbed watch for fans of one of the genre's most renowned filmmakers.

FANTASTIC PLANET
(1973)
Dir - René Laloux
Overall: GOOD

This Czech/French co-produced science fiction animated film from René Laloux was his first of three full-length ones and remains the most famous.  Co-scripted by Laloux and illustrator Ronald Topor, themes of animal and human rights as well as racism are explored via a highly advanced, gigantic, meditating blue race of beings called Draags who keep primitive humans, (called Oms), as pets.  While it all unfolds perhaps too gradually in some places, the bizarre, hugely stylized visual design of Fantastic Planet, (La Planète sauvage, Divoká planeta), keeps it endlessly fascinating.  Each race that the story has put at odds with each other are equally sympathetic to the viewer and all the way through, the movie connects its allegorical ideas in a rather unambiguous way.  At the same time, the hip, wah-wah guitar heavy soundtrack from jazz musician Alain Goraguer and computerized sound effects augment the extraordinary and singular animation.  It makes for a highly imaginative whole; dark in some places, slow in others, positively weird in most, and anything but forgettable.

LAND OF THE MINOTAUR
(1976)
Dir - Kostas Karagiannis
Overall: WOOF

For reasons that may never be properly explained, Peter Cushing and Donald Pleasence both started in a rare Greek horror film with none other than Brian Eno providing the score.  That is not necessarily the weird part.  The weird part is that Land of the Minotaur, (The Devil's Men), is an embarrassing, insultingly boring mess that no one would probably remember if not for the aforementioned personnel inexplicably being involved.  Cushing could not make a mockery out of any of his performances if he tried, but thankfully the production did not work him too hard, instead leaving more scenes for Pleasance to yell at a guy driving a car to hurry up and go faster.  As far as Eno is concerned, the music is barely noticeable and it is not like he got a trip to Greece in the summer time like the cast did so again, his reasons for participating are questionable.  As far as everything else, there is a cult that worships a statue, a priest trying to stop them, women disappearing, and other stuff that you will immediately forget about after it happens.  No mystery, no suspense, nonsensical everything.  The sacrificial altar looks OK though.  Still, it is probably best to just move on and assume that this was never made.