2000's Foreign Horror Shorts

WARD 13

(2003)
Dir - Peter Cornwell
Overall: GOOD

 

The debut from Australian filmmaker Peter Cornwell, (The Haunting in Connecticut), Ward 13 is an amusing, dialog-less stop-motion nightmare that finds an unwilling patient trying to desperately escape the rather unwholesome hospital that he has found himself in after a car wreck.  The claymation is slightly crude, but it also benefits the movie's somewhat amusing tone; a tone which is enhanced by macabre things like disturbing looking medical instruments, a nurse in a Jason Voorhees mask, and one patient being turned into a Cthulhu monster.  There is also a nod to a Simpsons gag with a dog with two heads and a cloned sibling with two rear-ends.  Cornwell's direction is moody, funny, and rather suspenseful, unfolding more like a Looney Tunes cartoon than anything else.

 

GREEN VINYL

(2004)

Dir - Kleber Mendonça Filho

Overall: GOOD

 

This stylized, spooky short from Brazilian filmmaker Kleber Mendonça Filho was based off a Russian folktale called "Green Gloves", here modernized somewhat to Green Vinyl, (Vinil Verde).  Told over narration and still photographs, it follows a mysterious, fairytale like logic which is more curiously compelling due to the film's contemporary setting.  A central theme is eventually revealed of passing one's own fears and eccentricities down to your children and the very stark, singular presentation makes the journey to get there more mesmerizing and eerie than downright frightening.  Expertly moody and quite rewarding because of it, it is a unique and memorable quasi-supernatural short film to take proper notice of.

 

THE LOST SPIDER PIT SEQUENCE

(2005)

Dir - Peter Jackson

Overall: MEH

 

During the making of his own gargantuan-budgeted remake and for shits and giggles, Peter Jackson and his special effects team decided to recreate the alleged "lost" spider pit sequence in the original King Kong.  Splicing together footage from other films that used the same models and going off of artwork and a script that detailed the segment, the split-screen work is a bit rough, but otherwise it rather seamlessly fuses with the 1933 version.  Considering that the stop-motion, prehistoric monster bits from King Kong are arguably the most enduring besides the iconic Empire State Building finale, Jackson's work here is a nice, gruesome addition.  Still, it is primarily of interest to cinephiles and just a minor curiosity on its own.

 

THE TORCHBEARER

(2005)

Dir - Václav Švankmajer

Overall: GOOD

 

The third short from Václav Švankmajer, (son of filmmaker Jan Švankmajer), is an ambitious piece that took five years to make and combines medieval fantasy and steampunk motifs, quite memorably at that.  The Torchbearer, (Světlonoš), seems to detail the perpetual rise and fall of power as an unnamed soldier withstands the trials of a mysterious castle where female statues test his wits and determination.  The film is visually captivating, almost exclusively composed of stark reds, bone, marble, stone, and metal with grinding gears, backwards whispers, some beastly cries from rats and a dragon, and a very subdued musical score by Ondřej Ježek as its only audio accompaniments.  It stretches its length a bit at times, but otherwise it is an excellently moody, mystical, and impressive bit of stop-motion animation.

THE FACTS IN THE CASE OF MISTER HOLLOW

(2008)

Dir - Rodrigo Gudiño/Vincent Marcone

Overall: GOOD

This chilling and effective collaboration between Rue Morgue magazine founder/filmmaker Rodrigo Gudiño and web designer/illustrator/Johnny Hollow member Vincent Marcone, (the band of which also composed the eerie soundtrack), takes a very deep look at a single, old-timey photograph with quite a lot becoming more apparent therein.  The Facts in the Case of Mister Hollow, (which sounds like something Edgar Allan Poe or H.P. Lovecraft would write, no doubt intended as such), stretches its premise for an acceptable amount of time, revealing numerous, sinister details before abruptly ending with plenty of questions still left on the table.  Mysterious and clearly occult-themed in nature, it is quite creepy and intriguing.

ALMA
(2009)
Dir - Rodrigo Blaas
Overall: GOOD

The only non-television, directorial effort from Spanish Pixar animator Rodrigo Blaas, Alma is foreseeable yet still impressively done.  A dark fantasy film where the doomed title character innocently writes her name on a stonewall only to be then immediately captivated into a mysterious doll shop right across the street, the viewer is hip to the story's outcome rather quickly.  The beauty then may be in how Blaas makes the predictable narrative still enchanting to watch; the animation is very clean and efficiently rendered and its secretive setting could wield a slew of intriguing options if further expanded upon.  On that note, a full-length version of Alma is one of a handful of projects stuck in development hell that Guillermo del Toro has been attached to executive producing, so who knows if we will ever get any proper answers as to the secrets withheld here.

2000's British Horror Shorts

SPOILSBURY TOAST BOY

(2004-2005)
Dir - David Firth
Overall: GOOD

A series of three short animations from the comically disturbed mind of English animator and filmmaker David Firth, Spoilsbury Toast Boy is as wacked-out and hilarious as any of his other works. The segments play in reverse chronology, (probably?), but this hardly matters. The title character is essentially terrorized by a society of malevolent beetles who like to pretend that they are helpful to children, only to use them as slave labor to make toast for their giant beetle king. Either that or it is all a hallucination or some combination of the two. The haunting, ambient soundtrack and quite funny, distorted voices enhance many scenes that are equally unnerving yet laugh out loud strange.

 

RUBBER JOHNNY

(2005)

Dir - Chris Cunningham

Overall: GOOD

 

Another collaboration between avant-garde music video director Chris Cunningham and Aphex Twin, Rubber Johnny is a short film set to the song "Afx237 v.7" off of Aphex Twin's Drukqx album.  In it, a largely deformed boy/man confined, (or so it would seem), to a wheelchair spontaneously dances when his doctors and nurses are not yelling at him to stop.  It is also filmed in infrared and there is cocaine, a chihuahua, and indistinguishable "dialog" just to enhance the unnerving experience.  For those familiar with the filmmaker's work, it is disturbing and bizarre in Cunningham's textbook fashion.  It looks like what it is; something made by the same team that brought us the "Come to Daddy" music video.

 

CROOKED ROT
(2008)
Dir - David Firth
Overall: GOOD

More pure, nightmare fuel from David Firth, Crooked Rot is nothing more than creepy mannequin heads, creepy pig heads, creepy hands, and overall uncomfortableness for about four unflinching minutes.  All of which is the animators usual stock and trade and none of which is a bad thing.  The red curtain backdrop could be seen as a direct link to David Lynch, (whom Firth collaborated with on his comparatively weird, later short Flying Lotus Feat. David Lynch), and its disturbing qualities are not limited to its visuals; the indistinguishable, screamy dialog and squishy sound design are just as unforgivingly avant-garde.

 

DOG OF MAN
(2008)
Dir - David Firth
Overall: GOOD

 

The second short of five released in 2008 from David Firth, Dog of Man is a somewhat crudely animated, introspective one about loneliness where a man with no friends finds comfort via some grotesque means.  It is assuredly strange, with a dog speaking through a megaphone that emerges from its own mouth once a chord is plugged into its head, (whatever that is about), but this is probably the least weird detail herein.  The film's tone is ambiguous as it may seem oddly funny to some and, well, just plain odd to others.  There is an emotional undercurrent though that gives it some interesting context.  What that context is, who is to directly say, but that is certainly part of its curious appeal.

 

CURIOSITY

(2009)

Dir - Toby Spanton

Overall: MEH

A mediocre at best premise with a mediocre at best execution, Toby Spanton's debut Curiosity features future A-lister Emily Blunt as a typically stupid, female horror movie victim, but her illogical behavior is not exclusive nor the biggest offender.  Her significant other does the textbook, "You stay here and lock the door while I go outside to investigate something dangerous that's none of our business" move and the results are of course bad both from a narrative perspective and as a viewing experience.  It is so pedestrian that no tension is successfully built and though it is thankfully over almost as soon as it starts, the ending is quite abrupt and unsatisfying because of this.  Still, if it was stretched out to feature-length then the film would be even more unremarkable, so, count your blessings.

2000's American Horror Shorts

DOOM HOUSE
(2003)
Dir - Kevin Bowen/Richard Kyanka
Overall: MEH

A rare "movie" from Richard Kyanka of Something Awful fame, Doom House is an intentionally no budget parody of bad horror films, itself far worse than anything it is overtly taking the piss out of.  Made up of relentlessly bad cinematography and continuity errors, it crams as many haunted house cliches as it can muster into its fifteen-minute running time.  While the overtly ridiculous nature is occasionally amusing, (anything trying this hard is bound to be worth a chuckle or two), sadly one of the bad movie tropes it also takes on is tedious pacing.  All the amateur-hour quirks beating you over the head withstanding, it still gets pretty boring pretty quick.  For something meant to be as deliberately dumb as humanly possible though, it certainly has that going for it so one cannot really complain with the results.

 

9

(2005)

Dir - Shane Acker

Overall: GOOD

 

The third short film by animator Shane Acker, (who had worked on The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King), 9 was impressive enough to be nominated for an Academy Award and garnish the interest of Tim Burton who produced the full-length version which was released four years later.  Several years in production itself during his stint at UCLA, 9 presents a dark yet cleverly designed post apocalyptic world where robotic cat/spider monsters seem to be hunting rag dolls for some undisclosed, soul-draining purpose.  In its roughly eleven minute running time here, it comes off as more of a teaser for the eventually made feature.  This gives it an ambiguous nature, though not one that suffers due to it.  The short works best as a visual showpiece for Acker, though the themes that it merely teases are intriguing enough to enhance its fantastical tone.

 

THE AMAZING SCREW-ON HEAD

(2006)

Dir - Mike Mignola

Overall: GOOD

A one-shot comic book adapted into a not-picked-up pilot for the Sci-Fi Channel, it is a shame that Hellboy creator Mike Mignola's The Amazing Screw-On Head never went anywhere further than this.  Scripted by Mignola and prolific television writer Bryan Fuller, (Hannibal, Heroes, American Gods, numerous Star Treks), and staring Patton Oswalt, Paul Giamatti, Molly Shannon, and David Hyde Pierce, it crams vampires, zombies, robots, demigod monsters, werewolves, an evil monkey, a hero dog, and, of course, Abraham Lincoln all into its brisk, twenty-two minute length.  There is enough backstory here to properly engage as a teaser and it is consistently hilarious, leisurely making fun of its ridiculous premise while simultaneously pretending to be a serious, multi-layered saga.  This might be all we'll get, but its minute, singular nature is the only complaint one can have with it.

THE HORRIBLY SLOW MURDERER WITH THE EXTREMELY INEFFICIENT WEAPON

(2008)

Dir - Richard Gale

Overall: GOOD

 

Kicking off a series of short films which inspired four sequels and one as yet to go into production feature length, The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon is a pretty amusing one-note gag.  Made by filmmaker Richard Gale, (who also narrates it in his best movie announcer voice), it is a ten minute long mock-trailer that drags out the ridiculous premise to a pretty well-executed degree.  Just when it becomes stagnant, the joke just keeps pushing further.  Once it promises to be over nine hours in length and claims to have been filmed over several years and multiple continents, (twenty-two days and only in California actually), the tie-in with how utterly horrible such a fate would be is rather convincingly conveyed.  Whether or not multiple, further entries were necessary is debatable, but as a one-off spoof, it is rather delightful.

 

SEBASTIAN'S VOODOO

(2008)

Dir - Jaoquin Baldwin

Overall: GOOD

 

This UCLA film project from Paraguay-born animator Jaoquin Baldwin is elementary in premise yet quite effective in execution.  A series of voodoo dolls awake to discover tthat they are all being suspended on hooks with a creepy, shirtless guy sticking needles in them until they become lifeless by getting pinned in the heart.  Baldwin and composer Nick Fevola manage to jointly create a tense atmosphere in so brief a running time and it is even a bit heartwarming, (no pun intended), in the final, heroic moments concerning our sympathetic and rather adorable doll friend.  It is then understandable that Disney came a-calling for Baldwin as Sebastian's Voodoo shows some solid skill in crafting something dark yet ultimately uplifting.