80's American Halloween Shorts

THE CROWN OF BOGG

(1981)

Dir - Bruce Murray

Overall: MEH

 

Future Alf creator Paul Fusco's The Crown of Bogg aired on Showtime in 1981 and it is a rather bizarre, Muppets-styled special that comes off like a poor man's Fraggle Rock.  Both director Bruce Murray and co-writer Tony Basilicato have very few cinematic credits on their resumes and though Fusco would obviously go on to an adequate level of success with his wise-cracking alien puppet sitcom, everyone's creative powers combined here do not produce the most clever of stories.  It only has one lousy song, (which is appreciated), but bad jokes, silly/quasi-racist accents, utterly flat direction, and primitive production values make it is no surprise that most people alive at the time have failed to remember that this ever existed in the first place.  Yet considering that its sole purpose was likely nothing more than to amuse three-year olds, it gets an innocent pass.

GARFIELD'S HALLOWEEN ADVENTURE

(1985)

Dir - Phil Roman

Overall: GREAT

The first of three Garfield holiday specials that aired during the 1980s and one of two that came out before the Saturday morning Garfield and Friends series was launched, Garfield's Halloween Adventure is a typically excellent one.  The usual personnel is on board, including director Phil Roman, creator/writer Jim Davis, music composers Ed Bogas and Desirée Goyette, singer Lou Rawls, and voice actors Lorenzo Music, Gregg Berger, and Thom Huge.  Since much of the Garfield persona revolves around him loving to eat, the story is rather a no-brainer as it sends he and Odie off on a trick or treating adventure to snag as much candy as possible, only they also run into a mysterious old man in a creepy island house, (voiced by veteran character/television actor C. Lindsay Workman), and some pirate ghosts that come back for their buried treasure.  There is a sea shanty song, a "dressing up in costumes is fun" song, Binky the Clown is obnoxious, Garfield breaks the forth-wall, and it is all very awesome as well as frequently hilarious.

 

MR. BOOGEDY

(1986)

Dir - Oz Scott

Overall: MEH

Shot as a pilot that garnished a full-length sequel the following year, Mr. Boogedy aired as The Disney Sunday Movie, oddly enough in April though its reputation as a standard, Halloween viewing experience settled in after the fact.  A purposeful cliche fest that is quite high on the cutesy, family-friendly charm, it is about a hundred times tamer than even the tamest Goosebumps episode since Disney was hardly in the market for making kids shit their pants in uncontrollable terror.  This has early performances from both Kristy Swanson and David Faustino, with John Astin showing up as a comically ghoulish realtor and character actor Richard Masur playing the clueless, novelty gag salesman father.  Some of the joke are not too terribly insulting and the title character looks nasty enough, but this is pretty dopey stuff.  It is in and out in about forty-five minutes and has the good will to not include any horrendous musical numbers at least, so if you are simply burnt out on the awesome that is Disney's Halloween Treat and its several variations, then sure, go ahead and put this on as well.

70's Halloween Shorts Part Two

THE HALLOWEEN THAT ALMOST WASN'T

(1979)

Dir - Bruce Bilson

Overall: MEH

 

The live action monster mash The Halloween That Almost Wasn't, (The Night Dracula Saved the World), was one of several festive television specials from 1979 and it is pretty low on both budget and laughs while also qualifying as silly enough to be harmless.  It was filmed at the ole Dark Shadows abode the Lyndhurst house in Tarrytown, New York by veteran TV director Bruce Bilson with a couple of familiar faces making up the ghoulish cast.  Henry Gibson plays a typical bafoony Igor, John Schuck plays a typical bafoony Frankenstein Monster, and Judd Hirsch does one of the most solid Béla Lugosi impressions ever as a slightly less bafoony Count Dracula.  The plot is kid-friendly nonsense and hardly important, but sadly the weak production values have aged about as well as the hammy jokes, all of which makes the whole thing a pretty tame, cornball relic.  It also ends with a disco song because 1979.

 

CASPER'S HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

(1979)

Dir - Carl Urbano

Overall: MEH

 

Hanna-Barbera's first of two Casper holiday specials, Casper's Halloween Special, (Casper Saves Halloween, Casper the Friendly Ghost: He Ain't Scary, He's Our Brother), is a sufficiently charming one that is aimed solely at younger audience members.  This, the same year's Casper's First Christmas, and the television series Casper and the Angles all share the identical production personnel and voice cast, though this particular story stays far more grounded than some of the show's episodes which inexplicably featured outer space romps amongst other things.  Casper and an adorable gang of orphan kids try and trick or treat, Casper's asshole roommates keep getting in the way, Hairy Scary has a change of heart and helps them out, everybody wins in the end.  It is certainly way too kid friendly to delight any level of horror buff and barely attempts to tell a single joke, but it also all gets in and out with only two musical numbers, both of which are tolerable.  Thankfully, Hanna-Barbera's penchant for abysmal laugh tracks are nowhere to be found as well.

 

ONCE UPON A MIDNIGHT SCARY

(1979)

Dir - Nell Cox

Overall: MEH

 

CBC Library was an educational children's anthology series that showcased either live-action or animated interpretations of literary works and the very first episode of its three season run was Once Upon a Midnight Scary which initially aired on October 21st, 1979.  While the program itself is of mediocre quality at best and wears its low budget values on its sleeve, this particular entry is notable for containing none other than Vincent Price who narrates and introduces each segment in his usual campy, "in on the ghoulish fun" style.  Price is clearly the highlight since the lame first story "The Ghost Belonged to Me" is more of a teaser for a proper one than anything else, "The Legend of Sleepy Hallow" is low on atmospherics and contains an annoying performance from the usually good Rene Auberjonois, and the final and longest "The House with a Clock in Its Walls" focuses on a dumb wiener kid who "aw shucks" all of his lines.  So yeah, pretty skipable stuff save for Price's always delightful involvement.

RAGGEDY ANN AND ANDY IN THE PUMPKIN WHO COULDN'T SMILE

(1979)

Dir - Chuck Jones

Overall: MEH

 

Following up the previous year's Raggedy Ann and Andy in the Great Santa Clause Caper, Chuck Jones delivered the Halloween equivalent with Raggedy Ann and Andy in the Pumpkin Who Couldn't Smile.  While Jones' animation here is not as showy as his legendary Looney Tunes work, there are still several signature traces of his style that pop up in the character design and facial expressions.  The story is essentially a Grinch variation as the title dolls convince a crotchy lady to lighten up on the holiday in question by merely whispering nostalgic musing to her in bed.  Also, Les Tremayne delivers a borderline obnoxious performance as the pumpkin who wines and wails miserably in most of his scenes.  The whole thing barely even qualifies as a comedy so any parents watching will have no choice but to bask in the syrupy cuteness and hope that their children are mildly entertained enough for twenty-three minutes.  It is not as bad as all that really, it is just easily forgettable for anyone who was not five years old and/or has nostalgic memories from when it originally aired.

70's Halloween Shorts Part One

THE PAUL LYNDE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

(1976)

Dir - Sidney Smith

Overall: WOOF

 

The 1970s was the era of variety hours and though they are all hilariously dated by nature, The Paul Lynde Halloween Special is a particularly absurd one.  This was one of several comedy specials for Lynde whose two previous attempts at a regular sitcom had failed to land.  It is also quite notable/infamous for a number of bizarrely clashing reasons such as but certainly not limited to Bruce Vilanch's groan-worthy writing, Margaret Hamilton and Billie Hayes playing witch sisters, Florence Henderson singing an awful disco song, Betty White showing up, Donny and Marie Osmond also showing up because obviously, Kiss for reasons playing "Detroit Rock City", "Beth", and "King of the Night Time World", and course Lynde's baffling yet flamingly gay mannerisms, persistent sexual innuendos, and abysmal singing voice.  The program has about as much to do with Halloween as the Fourth of July does, but it really has not endured all of these decades later for festivity reasons.  Similar to the Star Wars Holiday Special as far as trainwreck bizarreness goes, it is a glorious hoot for all of the "wrong" reasons.

 

HALLOWEEN IS GRINCH NIGHT

(1977)

Dir - Gerard Baldwin

Overall: GOOD

 

It took ABC eleven years to follow up the legendary How the Grinch Stole Christmas with Halloween Is Grinch Night, (It's Grinch Night, Grinch Night); a prequel which finds the title character inspired to scare some Whos down in Whoville because why not?  Both Chuck Jones and obviously the deceased Boris Karloff were not involved, so many may naturally miss the latter's iconic voice to go along with the former's equally memorable animation.  Thankfully though, original author Dr. Seuss is still on board, as well as Thurl Ravenscroft who provides his melodious baritone to some of the songs.  Speaking of songs, the only real complaint is the unnecessary abundance of them.  It it no exaggeration to state that about seventy-five percent of the dialog is sung and while the score by Sesame Street's Joe Raposo is certainly not terrible, it does become a bit distracting.  Still, even though the world probably did not need anymore Grinch after the initial Christmas special, (looking at you Ron Howard), this entry supplies plenty of charm to suffice.

 

THE FAT ALBERT HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

(1977)

Dir - Hal Sutherland

Overall: MEH

Airing on October 24th, 1977 and therefor close to the middle of Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids' twelve-year run on CBS, The Fat Albert Halloween Special is what one would expect from the program, sans Bill Cosby's live action interludes and the "this is the lesson we learned" song at the end.  The Junkyard gang decide to scare some townsfolk while trick or treating, only to find out that old people are not inherently scary as they had previously assumed, (even though most of the adults are either imposing or downright nasty to the younger folks the whole way through).  Lighthearted stuff to be sure, there is not anything here to really convert the uninitiated to the very well-known children's program.  Still the goofy, kid-friendly charm is likeable enough and just like the series itself, it is certainly unique in its cast of exclusively African American characters whose hi-jinks take place in an urban area that is deliberately stylized to not represent cookie-cutter, white suburbia.  A couple festive, spooky sound effects and whatnot are always fun as well.

 

WITCH'S NIGHT OUT

(1978)

Dir - John Leach

Overall: MEH

 

The final project from Canadian animator John Leach and a sequel to 1974's The Gift of Winter, Witch's Night Out is an interesting oddity and notable for featuring Gilda Radner, Catherine O'Hara, and Fiona Reid as part of the voice talent.  The story is simple enough, concerning a town where the uppity grownups throw a Halloween party, the kids get sad that their costumes failed to scare anyone, and Radner's titular witch/Godmother dusts off her old mojo and starts turning people into real life versions of whatever they want.  It has a "Isn't it fun to not take things so seriously and let loose?" kind of a message that is wonderfully suited for a children's cartoon, though Leach's art style is quite unique and borderline bizarre.  All of the characters are humanoid in shape, yet save for the Godmother who is attired all in black with a pale face, they are a solid color and look like naked sketches that the animator forgot to put clothes on.  This is particularly striking with O'Hara's character who is quite well-endowed in the chest department.  Still, it gives the program an unique look at least even if the material is somewhat pedestrian.

90's Foreign Horror Part Seven

BLOODMOON

(1990)

Dir - Alec Mills

Overall: WOOF

 

One of only two films to be directed by UK-born cinematographer Alec Mills, (both ozploitation, the other being the same year's Linda Blair-starred Dead Sleep), Bloodmoon technically qualifies as a slasher movie despite the fact that almost absolutely nothing happens throughout its hundred-minute running time.  This is not to say that nothing happens to qualify it as a slasher movie; it is to say that nothing happens period.  Usually such movies are a colossal bore due to the fact that they are little more than a predictable waiting game for people, (usually attractive young adults engaging in sexual exploits), to get killed. While there is an adequate amount of naked boobs here and it opens with a typical, unmemorable death scene, nearly an entire hour goes by after that which is utterly bankrupt on suspense.  There is an all girls Catholic school, some assholes from other schools in a rivalry that the film quickly forgets about, only the most minimal amount of drama between characters that all look the same, and then bodies finally start dropping on camera again as a teacher who may as well be Paul Bellini's brother is revealed to be the murderous wacko.  If you love bottom-barrel hair metal though, this has you covered.

 

MUTE WITNESS

(1995)

Dir - Anthony Waller

Overall: GOOD

Though its tone lacks consistency at irregular intervals, writer/director Anthony Waller's Mute Witness gets by quite well on suspense and its hooky premise.  An international co-production shot on location in both Moscow and Germany, the cast speaks English, Russian, and sign language which contributes to not only the comedy but also the tension as both the characters and audience members are purposely left a little behind as to what everyone is saying. Said cast also randomly includes Alec Guinness for two scenes, both of them shot without him having to get out of his car, which is not an exaggeration.  The movie is at its best during its nerve-wracking chase/break-in sequences where ala Alfred Hitchcock, minor details and near misses are crucially important.  It is quite funny when it tries to be, but the third act in particular revs up this comedic aspect somewhat distractedly as the plot gets much more convoluted.  Still, there are enough surprises and clever moments overall to carry it through.

 

BLEEDERS

(1997)

Dir - Peter Svatek

Overall: MEH

The low-budget, Canadian adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's "The Lurking Fear" Bleeders, (Hemoglobin), is not particularly acceptable, but it is of note to genre fans for being one of the last productions that Dan O'Bannon was involved with before his death twelve years later.  Bannon is one of three credited screenwriters on a story that barely even maintains a passing resemblance to Lovecraft's source material and is more of a hodgepodge of genre cliches.  There is a mysterious family blood ailment, mysterious grave robbings, mysterious ground-dwelling creatures, and it all has the look and feel of an Are You Afraid of the Dark? episode with a steady, ominous keyboard score that is punctuated by electric guitar flourishes at regular intervals.  Plot-wise, it is straight-forward stuff and the cast do their best while being stuck with dialog that can only make them look silly under the circumstances.  Rutger Hauer collects a paycheck as a town physician and a top-billed Roy Dupuis spends most of his scenes looking depressed that he failed an audition to be in Interview with the Vampire.  The inbred monster things look pretty adorably gnarly though.

90's Foreign Horror Part Six

DER TODESKING

(1990)
Dir - Jörg Buttgereit
Overall: MEH

In between his two most known/infamous movies Nekromantik and Nekromantik 2, primitive, experimental filmmaker Jörg Buttgereit dropped Der Todesking, (The Death King), another deliberately unpleasant work that continues his fascination with death.  A non-narrative anthology film broken up into seven segments, (one for each day of the week), they all feature various musings on suicide and a type of voyeuristic appeal to immortalizing oneself through life-ending means.  There is a guy who quits his job and then calmly poisons himself in a tub, another acts out his admiration for violent exploitation cinema by shooting his girlfriend in the head and framing the blood splatter, another rambles on a park bench before a woman offers him a pistol to blow his brains out, a montage of a suicide bridge with the names and occupations of its participants superimposed over it, a woman eats chocolates and dreams of her parents having sex, another woman goes on a spree killing while filming it, then a guy freaks out on his bed for several minutes in his underwear.  Each scene is intercut with a stop-motion, decaying male body and it all certainly has a consistently calm, dour tone which is typical of Buttgereit's cinematic output.  A few of the images get pretty squeamish and the pacing is unapologetically challenging, but it has a curious charm to it that is not altogether without merit.

INSOMNIA

(1997)

Dir - Erik Skjoldbjærg

Overall: GOOD

A very collective, atmospherically low-key police procedural thriller from Norway, Insomnia mostly gets by on its deliberate style.  The full-length debut from co-writer/director Erik Skjoldbjærg, every plot element that moves the story along is underplayed to such an extent as to almost be imperceptible and for a story where such minute details prove vitally important, this is an interesting and somewhat bold decision to make on Skjoldbjærg's part.  It is also fitting though since Stellan Skarsgård's veteran, Swedish detective spends the bulk of the movie either concealing or manipulating such pivotal specifics to suite his own means.  The central character is certainly not without a moral compass, but his unethical tactics of the ends justifying the means put him in an oddly similar vein as Bjørn Floberg's regretful, passion-killing antagonist.  This makes for a disturbing correlation between the two and both actors deliver appropriately non-showy performances.  As the title would suggest, various sleep-deprived hallucination sequences occur that are likewise played so subtly as to almost linger in a subconscious dream state, as if Skarsgård's character is experiencing them just as he seems perpetually on the cusp of total, guilt-ridden exhaustion.

EXISTENZ
(1999)
Dir - David Cronenberg
Overall: GREAT

David Cronenberg's fifteenth feature eXistenZ acts as a fitting culmination of over two decades of a firmly established cinematic aesthetic.  In this regard, it makes sense that he would step back from tripped-out body-horror for the next two decades in his filmmaking career since further, immediate endeavors in such well-explored subject matter could have easily become redundant.  This is a hallmark heavy work for Cronenberg, full of his usual penchant for squishy, organic technology, gore, and mind-melting plot development, exemplifying a persistent fascination with the evolution of the human body and how we as a species psychologically adhere to it.  Naked Lunch and especially Videodrome are the most direct cousins to eXistenZ, but the story has so many consistent twists and inventive concepts that all of the similarities to earlier properties simply act as a warm, fuzzy blanket that eases us into what makes Cronenberg's film output so fascinating in the first place.  Even with some foreboding moments in tow, the tone is more fun that serious as we are certainly intended to chuckle at things like a back alley, (or in this case a back gas station), spinal video game port procedure, as well as a tooth-shooting pistol made out of mutated amphibians served at a grimy Chinese restaurant.

90's Foreign Horror Part Five

SINGAPORE SLING: THE MAN WHO LOVED A CORPSE

(1990)

Dir - Nikos Nikolaidis

Overall: MEH

 

A truly perplexing and off-putting avant-garde film from Nikos Nikolaidis, Singapore Sling: The Man Who Loved a Corpse, (Singapore Sling: O Ánthropos pou Agápise éna Ptóma), combines black humor and perverse sexuality with film noir, all in a relentlessly pretentious manner.  Also there is a mummy who has sex with his maybe daughter because weird.  Nikolaidis claims that his original intention was to make an exploitative comedy with Ancient Greek tragedy elements and knowing this, it does rather adhere to such aesthetics even if audiences may find it more unapologeticly ostentatious than funny.  The film is edited in a completely impenetrable manner where random music plays whenever it wants, scenes are constantly interrupting themselves with flashbacks or flash-forwards, and characters speak directly to the camera while in the middle of conversations with each other.  Not that bypassing such tactics would have made the movie any less confusing since it all only chalks up to one-hundred and eleven minutes of clearly insane people doing clearly insane things.  It is wonderfully photographed though and stubbornly sticks to its arthouse spoofing guns so if one can turn their brains off and just bask in the lunacy of it all, a rewarding experience may very well be had.

 

JACK BE NIMBLE

(1993)

Dir - Garth Maxwell

Overall: MEH

 

While most of its curious, supernatural ideas are half-baked, New Zealand writer/director Garth Maxwell's Jack Be Nimble makes it a primary focus to present an adequately heightened look at severe childhood trauma and separation suffered by abandoned siblings.  Maxwell's ambitious seem genuinely sincere as things are played straight, bloody, and dark.  The performances are all quite strong with Alexis Arquette and Sarah Smuts-Kennedy carrying most of the weight in the leads, handling such heavy material that requires a persistent amount of intensity which both actors thankfully keep from ever becoming problematically camped-up.  Story-wise, it feels a bit rushed at times and besides Arquette and Kennedy, every other character is underwritten to varying degrees.  There is a creepy atmosphere that intensifies in the third act where overlapping, screaming voices psychically bombard inside of Kennedy's head, all while the keyboard music blares and the images become more surreal.  The results are a tad too messy to persistently work, but this is disturbing, macabre stuff that is admirably and interestingly approached at least.

 

LES DEUX ORPHELINES VAMPIRES

(1997)

Dir - Jean Rollin

Overall: MEH

 

A return to form for filmmaker Jean Rollin, Les deux orphelines vampires, (The Two Orphan Vampires), is his first vampire movie in nearly two decades and it does amazingly seem to have stepped out of a bygone era.  This is largely due to the fact that Rollin's films are inherently singular in the first place, even during the 1970s when he was turning out strange, deliberately paced, no-budget arthouse horror that was persistently unlike the work of any of his peers.  This fits very much at home then with La Vampire Nue, Requiem pour un Vampire, La Rose de fer, Lèvres de Sang, or even La Nuit des Traquées in its depiction of two undead "twins" who spend large parts of time wandering around chateaus and cemeteries.  Even the most patient of Rollin's admires can admit to having a hard time staying persistently engaged with his low-key, zoned-out aesthetic and at over a hundred minutes in length, this one very much could use a tighter edit to approach some semblance of user friendliness.  Problematic meandering aside, it also has a jaunty, cheap keyboard score that occasionally disrupts the mood.  At least Rollin finds a way to narratively explain the day for night scenes though, which dominate the proceedings.

90's American Horror Part Thirty-Six

MIRROR, MIRROR

(1990)

Dir - Marina Sargenti

Overall: MEH

 

Notable as being one of the few horror films to be predominantly written by, directed by, and starring women, Mirror, Mirror kicked-off a lesser known, direct-to-video franchise based on an age-old motif of, naturally, a haunted mirror.  This serves as the directorial debut for co-writer Marina Sargenti and is also one of numerous genre films that Karen Black was forced to collect a paycheck on.  Taking a page out of the Beetlejuice book, it concerns a doting, busy-body mother, (Black), who somehow has a barely-not-Winona Ryder/parody of a Goth kid daughter, (Rainbow Harvest who makes her last feature film appearance before seemingly retiring from the industry a year later), both of whom recently move into a big house where supernatural stuff starts happening.  The story leans too heavily into high school bully stereotypes to be all that unique and the finale kind of runs itself in a meandering wall, but there are some decent, murderous set pieces like a gym shower, garbage disposal, and tub full of water all inadvertently murdering certain people.  It also has a pretty dark tone that is partially enhanced/partially ruined by the sparkly keyboard score that very obnoxiously punctuates a countless number of jump scares along the way.

 

NIGHT OWL

(1993)

Dir - Jeffrey Arsenault

Overall: MEH

 

Not to be confused with the Jennifer Beals-starred thriller that was released the same year and under the same title, the debut Night Owl from New York-based, indie filmmaker Jeffrey Arsenault was shot on location in Alphabet City and rather inadvertently or not, set the stage for a series of similar, no-budget Manhattan vampire films from the decade such as Michael Almereyda's Nadja, Abel Ferrara's The Addiction, and Larry Fessenden's Habit.  Arsenault's work here is definitely primitive as he fills a good amount of screen time with borderline embarrassing footage of bad poets and house/techno singer Screamin' Rachael performing in a bar, the latter who is introduced to the stage randomly by famed journalistic Michael Musto.  Speaking of filling screen time, there is also a TV interview with Caroline Monro playing herself for reasons we will probably never comprehend.  The film kind of deals with the addiction elements inherent in vampirism as the main character becomes an impulsive recluse, but the story is far too barren to get a proper grip on.  It also does not help that all of the women look the same, (as do the men who sport an identical build, haircut, and hair color more or less), which, whether intentionally or not, makes everybody on screen seem interchangeable.  By never gaining its footing or really going anywhere in the first place, it is more a DIY curiosity than anything else.

 

TRILOGY OF TERROR 2

(1996)

Dir - Dan Curtis

Overall: GOOD

Though television legend Dan Curtis had remained busy since his 1970s heyday, Trilogy of Terror 2 marks his first time in the director seat as far as horror is concerned in nineteen years.  Following an identical structure as the first and far more seminal Trilogy of Terror, this one has occasional British scream queen Lysette Anthony stepping into Karen Black's shoes by appearing in all three stories.  Screenwriter William F. Nolan is back on board with Curtis and the two reinterpret two of Richard Matheson's already-filmed stories.  "Bobby" had appeared in Curtis' last horror feature Dead of Night and "He Who Kills" brings back the Zuni fetish doll for another round of torment.  The only segment that was new to the television medium was the opening "The Graveyard Rats" which was an adaptation of Henry Kuttner's short story of the same name and features Geoffrey Lewis as an Irish-accented, graveyard groundskeeper who is prone to helping himself to any valuable knickknacks buried with the recently departed.  Neither "Rats" nor the other two tales are particularly full of unique surprises and "Bobby" may as well be a shot-for-shot remake of its earlier counterpart, but Curits still dishes out a tense, old school, creepy atmosphere and Anthony rises to the challenge just as Black had over two decades earlier.  Plus the Zuni doll is still a lot of fun, even if the hysterical woman it is battling once again insists on checking on it more than once when it is of course only playing dead.

90's American Horror Part Thirty-Five

PALE BLOOD

(1990)

Dir - V.V. Dachin Hsu/Michael W. Leighton

Overall: MEH

 

An independent American film, shot in Hong Kong, and serving as the directorial debut forV.V. Dachin Hsu and Michael W. Leighton, (both of whom would only get behind the lens one or two more times in their careers for anything feature-length), Pale Blood is a bit of an oddity in the direct-to-video horror market.  George Chakiris, (who would retire from film acting for eleven years after this), spends most of the movie being rather emotionless except for when he succumbs to bizarre, slow motion, waking nightmares or something.  There is also a weirdo/creep/photographer guy, (played with scenery-chewing efficiency by Wings Hauser), that is not the most logical behaving character in the world.  It is all rather vague as the movie takes a trippy, psychological approach to vampire mythos that is interesting if not altogether iron-clad in its conception.  The mostly schlock-less tone carries some of its unfulfilled ambition along though and the heavy, blue-lit cinematography is appropriately moody.  California punk band Agent Orange and their unsettling looking, wide-eyed lead singer also appear playing the same song about several hundred times, though their repertoire here is more in line with New Wavy Goth rock, fittingly so.

SPELLCASTER

(1992)

Dir - Rafal Zielinski

Overall: MEH

 

Boasting a ridiculous premise that is not remotely taken seriously, Spellcaster is another goofball horror film that Charles Band's production company can take the blame for.  Filmed in 1988 yet not released until four years later, frequent Stuart Gordon collaborators Dennis Paolli and Charles Bogel penned the screenplay involving a treasure hunt staged as a not-MTV publicity move, all inside of a castle owned and operated by an eccentric probably-Satan who picks everyone off in increasingly random supernatural ways.  Again, nothing to take remotely serious.  As is apparently required for slasher-tinged movies, practically all of the characters are one-dimensional, obnoxious fuck-wads so that we can cheer whenever they get violently attacked by zombies, monster chairs, or puppets coming out of a suite of animated armor.  Canadian director Rafal Zielinski helps to keep everything on the campy trek and all of the haunted house amusement park cliches piled on top of each other have everyone screaming, fainting, teasing, falling in love, (or if they are the fat one), turning into a werepig-demon thing.  Also, Adam Ant shows up for a couple of seconds at the very end, trading in his trademark pirate jacket for a standard tuxedo, crystal ball, and set of devil horns.

BAD MOON

(1996)

Dir - Eric Red

Overall: MEH

The second directorial effort to fall into the horror genre for screenwriter Eric Red, Bad Moon is not the most riveting of werewolf movies out there, balancing some weak plotting and "boy and his dog" motifs rather blandly.  An adaptation of Wayne Smith's novel Thor which was from the perspective of a family's German Shepherd dos not strictly adhere to such a concept, bu it does spend a significant amount of its running time with characters either staring down the dog or telling it to stop barking and come inside the house.  The self-referential trope is used of people watching a horror movie on TV that features the same monster in the movie that they are in, which provides the chance for Michael Paré's bitten character to explain that a full moon does not matter in this particular universe as far as when such lycanthropian tendencies fully take hold.  Hilariously though, the film in question that they are watching, (Universal's Werewolf of London), predates the full moon concept altogether, but considering that they went with the title Bad Moon here in the first place, whatever.  The animatronic werewolf effects look pretty good though, even if the digital transformation scene very much does not.

90's American Horror Part Thirty-Four

DARKMAN

(1990)

Dir - Sam Raimi

Overall: GOOD

 

After failing to gain the cinematic rights to The Shadow, Sam Raimi in turn made the Universal monsters/superhero hybrid Darkman as his first major Hollywood production.  Upwards of twelve drafts of the script were written, with Raimi bringing in a Navy Seal, Joshua and Daniel Golden, and two of his own brothers to work out the kinks for a classic, scientist-turned-derformed-revenge-anti-hero story that deliberately leans into its melodramatic nature.  Though neither were A-listers at the time, Liam Neeson and Francis McDormand have a sufficient amount of chemistry on screen, with Neeson's theatrical performance in particular fitting right at home with Raimi's extravagant style.  This is certainly not as ridiculous of a movie as Evil Dead II mind you, but it certainly delivers some wildly inventive moments, from quirky narrative details like Larry Drake's severed finger collecting bad guy and one of his henchmen having a machine gun peg leg, to wacky camera angles and POV shots right out of comic book panels.  Even the dated special effects suite the violent cartoon tone, though Tony Gardner's superb makeup effects hold up as well as any from the era.

 

MANIAC COP III: BADGE OF SILENCE

(1993)

Dir - William Lustig

Overall: MEH

The Maniac Cop series continues in its diminishing returns trajectory with Maniac Cop III: Badge of Silence, the third and final entry in the series.  Some of the issues may largely lie in the troubled pre-production period as the script was originally written with an African American protagonist before Japanese distributors allegedly vetoed that idea and the era's premier, tough guy action movie character actor Robert Davi was cast instead.  Larry Cohen refused to re-write the screenplay without being compensated, something the producer's chose not to accommodate, which all in turn forced the franchise's sole director William Lustig to work with what he had before abandoning the project.  The studio then came in to shoot extra footage in order to pad out the running time and the go-to, disowning Alan Smithee pseudonym was slapped on to cover the director credit.  The resulting film is hardly as bad as all the behind the scenes trouble would suggest as there are some inventive kills, Davi delivering the goods in one of his rare, top-billed roles, and a pretty over the top finale with the undead title character engaging in a high speed car chase while literally being on fire.  Though it tries and succeeds somewhat at being more than a mere rehash of the first movie, (something the previous sequel pretty much was), this one is still scrapping the barrel creatively.  Thankfully, Robert Z'Dar was allowed to then hang up the police baton and monster prosthetics to ride off into the sunset.

THE DENTIST

(1996)

Dir - Brian Yuzna

Overall: MEH

Throwing his hat into the D-rent, "slasher via a specific profession" ring with the aptly-titled The Dentist, director Brian Yuzna delivers a thoroughly predictable, severed-tongue-in-cheek bit of nonsense.  Fitting right at home with Dr. Giggles or The Ice Cream Man from the same era, Corbin Bernsen gets his deranged camp on as the title serial killer, one who randomly decides to start murdering people that either annoy him or trigger a schizophrenic compulsion to see mouth decay in every set of choppers that catches his eye.  He usually does so from his dental hygienist chair of doom, effectively playing off of any audience member's universal disdain for having to make such an appointment for a deep cleaning.  As one of the least subtle filmmakers there is, Yuzna indulges in dutch angles, distorted close-ups, gore, disturbed hallucination scenes, and a whole lot of orchestral keyboard music, making this a pretty hacky affair.  Bernsen is diabolically fun in the lead and Ken Foree is always a nice addition, but the script by Stuart Gordon, Dennis Paoli, and Charles Finch is more underwhelming than clever.  It is fine for a "bad movie night" viewing though which is probably all it was intended for in the first place.

90's American Horror Part Thirty-Three

WINTERBEAST

(1992)

Dir - Christopher Thies

Overall: WOOF

A no-budget, SOV crapterpiece that is mostly infamous for having the least convincing stop-motion animation in all of filmdom, Winterbeast thankfully has plenty else awful going for it to appease the devout, really bad movie fan.  The lone "film" from Boston, Massachusetts native Christopher Thies, it was shot over several years and represents a triumph of will and perseverance over any talent whatsoever.  Daft from frame one until frame last, it indulges in boatloads of hilarious fuck-ups.  The most boring, awkwardly cramped cinematography imaginable, non actors delivering first-draft worthy dialog while regularly fumbling their lines, inconsistent editing, ADR that does not come within miles of matching the lips of the people who are supposed to be speaking it, repetitive sound effects, a zombie for reasons, a bar fight for reasons, an eccentric lodge owner character who lisps and screams with unhinged fervor, and a dildo in one scene that absolutely nobody notices, one could make a drinking game out of such insanity and end up in the hospital within about fifteen minutes.  This is an oddity not just in its, well, oddness yet also because it is so bizarrely inept that it remains fascinating even when it is boring.

THE CROW

(1994)

Dir - Alex Proyas

Overall: GOOD

 

Unfortunately overshadowed by the on set death of star Brandon Lee which eerily mirrored that of his iconic father due to both of them being young and on the cusp of a major Hollywood breakthrough, The Crow is a wonderfully stylized, very rainy, 90s Goth culture near-masterpiece that holds up as one of the strongest comic book adaptations ever made.  James O'Barr's super moody source material suffers from some minor campiness, borderline dizzying editing, and sub-par digital effects, but it is otherwise fetchingly brought to the screen by Australian filmmaker Alex Proyas in his American debut behind the lens.  Towering, soaking wet, dark and spooky architecture, shadows, fog, blood, and a soundtrack full of notable alternative bands and romantic choral music create an atmosphere that perfectly suites the urban, cesspool, Devils Night landscape.  As the ultra-cool, "mime from hell", revenge zombie, Alice Cooper stand-in Eric Draven, Lee is pitch-perfect in the lead, with Michael Wincott's bass-voiced, southern crime boss being a solid, villainous match.  The cast is strong all around actually as the bad guys ham it up and Ernie Hudson and Rochelle Davis provide a benevolent essence to counter-act all of the heavy doom and gloom.  Lee's tragic demise may make the movie a tough watch at times on account of its ultra-violent nature, but it is an incredibly fitting send-off all the same that deserves its much beloved reputation.

 

KOLOBOS

(1999)

Dir - Daniel Liatowitsch/David Todd Ocvirk

Overall: MEH

The lone feature-length work from the writer/director/producer team of Daniel Liatowitsch and David Todd Ocvirk, Kolobos, (Haunted House), is a rather blatant giallo homage that has zero need apparently for coherent storytelling, believable performances, or adequate production values.  Right from the opening credits which feature a musical theme hilariously lifted off of Suspiria that any judge in any country would have rewarded in Goblin's favor had they filed a lawsuit over copyrright infringement, Liatowitsch and Ocvirk let their influences be blarringly heard.  As a very low-budget, bordering SOV product, the filmmakers obviously do not have the means to stage grandiose set pieces full of flashy cinematography or Bava-tinged color schemes, but they check off the black-gloved killer gimmick and construct their script in an aggressively head-trippy manner.  With their hearts in the right place at least, there is an amatuerish, labor of love charm here that forgives some of the movie's shortcomings, but those shortcomings are quite heavy.  The acting is genuinely atrocious, but much of the blame lies at the unnatural writing where half of the characters are incredibly obnoxious slasher-bait that make idiotic decisions while begging the audience to want to punch them mercilessly in the face.  Things quickly and steadily collapse under the ambition of the project to the point where it hardly even matters at all what the actual "story" is or even what is happening on screen

90's American Horror Part Thirty-Two

I'M DANGEROUS TONIGHT

(1990)

Dir - Tobe Hooper

Overall: MEH

 

Perhaps short-changed a bit by a lousy title as well as being a made-for-television film for the USA Network who generally dealt in censored, softcore sleaze, Tobe Hooper's I'm Dangerous Tonight still ends up being mildly acceptable for what it is.  After making the best TV horror miniseries of all time with Salem's Lot and then a couple of episodes of Amazing Stories, The Equalizer, and Freddy's Nightmares, this was Hooper's first feature-length work in the small screen medium and he treats the relatively lackluster material more respectfully than one would assume.  An adaptation of Cornell Woolrich's short story of the same name, it focuses around an evil, red, Aztecan cloak that brings out the most malevolent aspects of its wearer's id.  It is a fine premise, but the script runs out of steam pretty quick and then kind of stumbles through its final act in a desperate attempt to keep things engaging.  The cast is full of familiar faces though, with brief appearances by Anthony Perkins, Dee Wallace, and R. Lee Ermey joining a pre-Twin Peaks Mädchen Amick in the scream queen lead.

COPYCAT

(1995)

Dir - Jon Amiel

Overall: GOOD

 

Another somewhat gimmicky 90s thriller that pits a deranged serial killer with a cockamamie scheme against the law enforcement that he is persistently twelve steps ahead of, Copycat perhaps unironically is not bound to win many acolytes for ingenuity, but it is gripping and well-crafted where it counts.  The script by Ann Biderman and David Madsen puts a lot on its plate, focusing on the misogynistic, male-dominated power play stereotypes of murders with Sigourney Weaver's criminal profiler turned traumatized agoraphobic and Holly Hunter's persistent, level-headed police detective fending off Harry Connick Jr. and William McNamara's brutal advances.  It is an interesting choice to remove the mystery almost completely from the proceedings, which allows for plenty of character development in its stead.  Both Hunter and Weaver deliver very relatable, likeable, and top-notch performances though Connock and McNamara's movie star good looks do not jive ideally with being two loner, women-hating sociopaths.  From the director's chair, English filmmaker Jon Amiel pulls-off a few surprises, but none of the tense set pieces are given much room to breath and are a bit more relentlessly paced than something that adheres to strict Hitchcock worship may have been.  Such forward momentum certainly keeps things from becoming a bore though and with an above average cast and solid production values, there is plenty to recommend.

CAMPFIRE TALES

(1997)

Dir - Martin Kunert/David Semel/Matt Cooper

Overall: MEH

Neither remarkable nor terrible, Campfire Tales, (the debut film from directors Martin Kunert, David Semel, and Matt Cooper), is a humble, independently made anthology horror outing with a couple of early screen appearances from up and coming, quasi-known actors that would soon make more of a name for themselves.  Ron Livingston, Amy Smart, Christine Taylor, Glen Quinn, James Marsden, and Real World London's Jacinda Barrett are sprinkled throughout three different "tales" of the title as well as a framing narrative where four, young attractive people crash their car and pass the time mildly arguing with each other and spinning yarns.  Three of the stories are rather interchangeable and involve either a monster or a crazy guy stalking and then attacking people, while the closing "The Locket" breaks things up with a supernatural slant.  One or two acceptable twists notwithstanding, it is largely a cliche fest, yet at least more in an innocently mediocre fashion than an insulting one.  Livingston also has a pretty damn good singing voice.  Who knew?

90's American Horror Part Thirty-One

BODY PARTS

(1991)

Dir - Eric Red

Overall: MEH

This adaptation of Pierce Boileau and Thomas Narcejac's novel Choice Cuts ultimately goes off the hinges of its worn-out, "surgery with a serial killer's limbs" premise.  Body Parts is both derivative and alarmingly stupid, particularly in its final act which becomes unintentionally hilarious due to a number of ridiculous set pieces, plot holes, and a mad doctor twist that is both unsatisfying and insulting.  Enough "bad movie" hallmarks to be sure, but the film is less interesting in a trainwreck capacity since it plays itself persistently straight.  Jeff Fahey is emotionally solid in the lead even if some of his dialog is hare-brained and the script does not emphasis the severity of his situation until well after he appears to be overreacting to everything.  South African character actor Zakes Mokae is a bit miscast as a gruff police detective, but Brad Dourif is his usual, entertainingly overacting self in a minor role.  Also on the plus side is the gore and stunt work, with a particularly nasty car accident and a solid head explosion showing up.

 

FROM DUST TILL DAWN

(1996)

Dir - Robert Rodriguez

Overall: GREAT

 

Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's brilliant From Dust Till Dawn was their first collaborative, balls-out celebration of exploitation cinema and it remains arguably the best action horror hybrid ever made.  Producer Robert Kurtzman initially hired Tarantino years earlier to write a Mexican vampire script with Rodriguez's eventual involvement post-Desperado sealing the deal.  Wonderfully split into two completely separate genres, the first half plays as an archetypal Tarantino, dialog-heavy, bad guys on the run, neo-Western until absolutely out of nowhere, blood-sucking, flesh-ripping monsters erupt on the scene and all hell breaks loose.  Both sections are hilarious, violent, and cinematically riveting with wonderfully committed performances down to the mere cameos.  George Clooney was still working his day job on ER when he got the lead here and to date has yet to play another vile, badass tough guy like this, with Tarantino never better in front of the camera as his deeply disturbed, psychopathic sex creep brother.  Tom Savini, Harvey Keitel, Juliette Lewis, Fred Williamson, Danny Trejo, Cheech Marin, (in three roles), Michael Parks, and a jaw-droppingly sexy Salma Hayek round out the main to supporting cast, plus the bluesy soundtrack which features everyone from Jimmy and Stevie Ray Vaughan, ZZ Top, and Tito & Taranchula, (who appear on screen as "that fucking band"), is nearly as good as the movie itself.

 

HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL

(1999)

Dir - William Malone

Overall: MEH

 

As a contemporary, trying to be hip reworking of William Castle's old school spooky original, the House on Haunted Hill remake by director William Malone follows about the only trajectory it possibly could.  Maintaining the basic premise while kicking everything up to eleven with gore, grime, twitchy ghosts, dutch angles, an insane asylum that is parody levels "creepy", nudity, music video bombast, a big, stupid digital effects ghost thing, naughty words, Marilyn Manson's cover of "Sweet Dreams", and every other late 90s popcorn horror trope that there is, it all makes practical, camped-up sense.  To be generous, this is a "better" offering than it otherwise should be, though such an assessment can only be reached if the audience meets the movie on its schlock-heavy terms.  The cast seem appropriately committed to such silliness, delivering the smart-assed, cliche heavy dialog with their smirks in place and tongues in cheek.  Even when the script unveils its twists and the supernatural randomness tries to be genuinely frightening, it all pretty much sticks to the goofy B-movie plan.

90's American Horror Part Thirty

PREDATOR 2

(1990)

Dir - Stephen Hopkins

Overall: GOOD

Recapturing the pristine, 80s action movie glory of a film like Predator is no small feat and in more respects than should be possible, Predator 2 delivers such goods.  Director Stephen Hopkins was hot off of the sub-par, fifth Nightmare on Elm Street entry, but here, he wonderfully adheres to the big, loud, explody schlock of such testosterone-ridden movies from the era.  Returning was screenwriters Jim and John Thomas, who satisfyingly deepen the mythos while updating the setting to an "Urban jungle" one.  The heat-waved, gang-ravaged LA serves as an ideal backdrop for sweaty drug wars, inner law enforcement conflict, and of course Kevin Peter Hall's City Hunter title character that practically gets to shoot fish in a barrel.  Lethal Weapon aside, Danny Glover is hardly the steroid-jacked action star that the original movie proved obsolete against such a mega, extraterrestrial threat, but his blue-collar police Lieutenant ultimately overcomes such obstacles in the same way that Arnold Schwarzenegger's Dutch did; namely through a combination of perseverance and intellect.  The rest of the largely inter racial cast is top-to-bottom recognizable, with the usual crop of B-movie character actors who made memorable careers out of such violent, overblown shoot-em-ups.  Plus Stan Winston's always excellent creature design is even more detailed for this round.

POISON

(1991)

Dir - Todd Haynes

Overall: GOOD

 

Todd Haynes' feature-length debut Poison is a typically experimental work from the New Queer Cinema writer/director.  Comprised of three different stories that are based off of novels from Jean Genet, it is not a conventional anthology movie in that it bounces between each segment, all of which are done in a distinctly different style.  "Hero" is a mockumentary, "Horror" is a black and white, throwback, B-movie, and "Homo" is an experimental prison drama.  Though the individual stylistic choices certainly seem jarring on paper, Haynes circles back to all of them in an oddly seamless manner.  Part of this is due to a unifying element of each one revolving around outcast characters, exploring a dark and confused, "out on the fringe" perspective.  Coming from an openly gay filmmaker such as Haynes, this is hardly surprising and the results are challenging as well as deeply personal.  More interesting than properly entertaining or even coherent, this is not for the worst as it is a unique viewing experience that leaves a somewhat cryptic, unapologetically uncomfortable, and lingering effect.

 

SPECIES

(1995)

Dir - Roger Donaldson

Overall: MEH

While moderately entertaining in a popcorn munching sense, Species is not the most remarkable or unique sci-fi/horror hybrid.  Written by Dennis Feldman, (Just One of the Guys, The Golden Child), with design work from H.R. Giger, director Roger Donaldson keeps things cruising and the tone is equal amounts B-movie schlock and big budget action.  Newcomer Natasha Henstridge is fine as the horny, fish out of water extraterrestrial and Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen, Marg Helgenberger, Alfred Molina, and Forest Whitaker make a conventional team of scientists, empaths, and bad-asses, respectfully.  The predatory, reproduction-motivated nature of Henstridge's alien is a one-note angle to hinge everything on, which does not really allow for much besides some mediocre dialog and naked, violent, and on-fire set pieces.  The practical effects by Steve Johnson are jaw-dropping in comparison to the utterly horrendous digital ones, the latter of which unfortunately seem to take up more screen time and are detrimentally distracting.  Large portions of the movie get the job done though, but there are certainly funnier, sexier, scarier, and bloodier alien hunting movies out there.