2000s American Horror Part Eleven

FRAILTY
(2001)
Dir - Bill Paxton
Overall: MEH

The first of two directorial efforts from Bill Paxton, (and his first time behind the lens since Barnes & Barnes' "Fish Heads" music video, arguably the weirdest ever made outside of whatever the hell Cecelia Condit's Possibly in Michigan is), Frailty is conventionally structured yet still disturbing enough to work throughout parts of it.  Mathew McConaughey gets his obligatory shirtless scene out of the way early on and then provides the role of solemn expository dialog man while Paxton, Powers Boothe, and child actors Matt O'Leary and Jeremy Sumpter play things just as straight.  Behind the lens, Paxton creates a consistent, serious tone, which is impressive considering that the subject matter approaches being too implausible for the viewer to become invested in.  That said, it is a bit too clean and pedestrian looking and the atmosphere never rises above that of an adequately made if not all too frightening TV movie.  Also, a handful of plot twists within the final fifteen or so minutes come off a bit forced.  It is fine work for what it is, but does not take enough exciting chances with the material, at least not enough successfully exciting ones.

MAN WITH THE SCREAMING BRAIN
(2005)
Dir - Bruce Campbell
Overall: GOOD
 
Charm goes a long way in Bruce Campbell's non-documentary, full-length debut Man with the Screaming Brain; a Roger Corman B-movie parody that is purposely stupid and would only be half as watchable without its writer/director/star's involvement.  Initially distributed by Syfy and shot in Bulgaria to save on what are clearly already minuscule production costs, it takes full advantage of the setting with Stacy Keach and Ted Raimi rocking Russian accents and a plot line that involves Campbell's American businessman literally sharing a brain with a local taxi driver after both are murdered by a jealous gypsy.  Mayhem ensues of course with a handful of other ridiculous side-arcs that are happening simultaneously, none of which are taken seriously by anyone on board.  This is a plus as the cast sells a series of gags that are groan-worthy on paper, yet Campbell's long career in campy genre fare makes him a logical person to be calling the shots here, even if he has an awkward sense of staging at times.  It would no doubt lose its dopey camp appeal if it was a slicker production, so the crude makeup effects, set design, and clumsy execution is not only enduring, but also essential to such a throwback that is in on its own joke.

TEETH
(2007)
Dir - Mitchell Lichtenstein
Overall: GOOD

This amusing full-length debut from Mitchell Lichtenstein rides a razor-thin line, approaching its sensitive subject matter from a multitude of angles.  It can technically be seen as a dark comedy and it both gets very dark and very comedic at various intervals.  As a film dealing with teenage sexuality and the vagina dentata folk tale while poking fun at stereotypes associated with Bible-quoting abstinence groups, metalhead rejects, horny high schoolers, and middle class suburbia, it has a lot on its plate to work with.  The tone is occasionally awkward, but this is not necessarily unfitting as many of the plot points are just as uncomfortable.  Lichtenstein goes for laughs when he can, using the story's inherent absurdity as well as some very graphic set pieces to provide gross-out chuckles while in effect contrast other far more harrowing events that take place.  In the lead, Jess Weixler carries the bulk of the film's complex weight and she is routinely fantastic on screen with such a burden.  While the story does not adhere to logic per se, things make a whole lot more sense if looked at from a fairytale perspective and the some of its conflicting parts uniquely fit into each other.

2000s American Horror Part Ten

FINAL DESTINATION

(2000)

Dir - James Wong

Overall: MEH

 

No better and no worse than any of the umpteenth teenager-popcorn-crowd-targeted horror films that regularly drop every year is The X Files alumni James Wong's directorial debut Final Destination.  Initially penned by screenwriter Jeffrey Riddick as a spec script for potential X Files use, one could argue if it would have suited a more condensed television format better than launching a five-deep franchise.  With a cast comprised of almost exclusively clean, attractive, made-up young Caucasian actors, everyone gets a chance to deliver laughable dialog in an idiotic attempt to make the proceedings seem more profound.  It is this straight-faced tone that works profoundly to the movie's disadvantage.  As the real hook is in seeing characters succumb to their ridiculously elaborate demise, how serious the moronic plot and "logic" is taken cannot help but to become unintentionally embarrassing.  If the entire film played up the schlock instead of trying to balance it with a multitude of sincere monologues about Death's plan set to sorrowful music, then it would have been more fun than annoying.

 

THE LAST WINTER

(2006)

Dir - Larry Fessenden

Overall: MEH

Regular B-movie horror mainstay Larry Fessenden offers up another directorial effort with The Last Winter, a sort of psychological version of John Carpenter's The Thing if it had an environmental angle woven into it as well.  Written by Fessenden and Robert Leaver, it plays far less on conventional horror tropes than it does on character dynamics, only unveiling its genre-centric makings in sparing doses and well into the film.  While this and some solid performances effectively make the plight of the people in the story properly engaging, things unfortunately come to a muddled, ill-focused conclusion.  It is unclear what questions are being asked or even what issues are on the table.  On top of that, the supernatural components are perplexing and vague, giving it a very rushed feel in the final act.  Forgiving some minor CGI blunders, the production is professionally up to par though, marking an improvement over Fessenden's previous two excursions behind the lens in Wendigo and Habit which at least looked a bit on the amateurish side.  

THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN

(2008)

Dir - Ryuhei Kitamura

Overall: WOOF

 

Clive Barker's second production credit through he and Jorge Saralegui's Midnight Picture Show company, The Midnight Meat Train is a wildly poor-scripted mess.  An adaptation of Barker's own story of the same name by Japanese filmmaker Ryuhei Kitamura and written by Jeff Buhler, it is not altogether terrible throughout the first two acts outside of some downright laughable CGI effects which remain glaringly distracting throughout the entire film.  Not as glaringly distracting as the astronomical plot holes and moronic character behavior that take center stage once the movie is revving up to its nonsensical finish line.  Dracula Dead and Loving It amounts of blood spew out of bodies, levels of bodily harm are inflicted that could not possibly be survived yet are, characters get from point A to B as if scenes are missing or they completely forgot what just happened to them, and Bradley Cooper and Leslie Bibb make the poorest, most illogical choices that could possibly be made for people in their situation.  All would be a hoot if not for the fact that everyone involved seems absolutely oblivious to the level of schlock going off the rails and by playing it straight, the end result could not be more embarrassing.

2000s American Horror Part Nine

SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE

(2000)

Dir - E. Elias Merhige

Overall: MEH

 

While certainly entertaining in parts, E. Elias Merhige's Shadow of the Vampire is more curious than anything.  Co-produced by Nicolas Cage for his Saturn Films company and written by Steven Katz, it is never quite clear what the true motive behind the movie is which can be seen as either a detriment or part of the charm.  As a film about a film, it offers up a compelling look into the silent era, particularly German Expressionism and the obsessiveness and pretentiousness of movie-making in general.  Choosing one of the most lauded works of its time period in F.W. Murnau's Nosferatu to look at, the behind the scenes dramatizations are legitimately intriguing.  It is when things step outside of this into its own horror movie terrain that it falls apart or at the very least becomes puzzling and mildly uncomfortable because of it.  Willem Dafoe's eccentric performance as Max Schreck via an actual member of the undead is wonderfully fun, but the story never seems to find a strong enough footing for his place or even purpose in being such a thing in the presented context.  If it was a bit more penetrable, then the humor could have connected more effortlessly instead of challengingly.

SLITHER
(2006)
Dir - James Gunn
Overall: GOOD

 

Troma alumni James Gunn with his full-length writer/director debut Slither chose to throwback to the good ole "alien menace takes over a small town" days.  While it is purposely similar to known, cult-followed works such as The Blob, Night of the Creeps, Society, and Shivers, Gunn's script is routinely funny if not particularly concerned with being all that fear-inducing.  It does have skin-crawling charm in spades though and the entire cast is thankfully very much in on the nasty fun.  The always likable Nathan Fillion and Elizabeth Banks make solid leads, but Michael Rooker was rarely funnier than as a mutated, horned-up hillbilly who kick-starts the whole slimy, bug-infested zombie fest.  Both the dialog and gross-out gore benefits wonderfully from the R rating as the movie incessantly goes for and gets laughs amongst all of its slimy filth and leisure vulgarity.  Naturally, the CGI effects are awful compared to the practical ones, but there are enough of the latter to forgive the former, particularly in the globby, splattery finale.  As far as horror movies being knowingly derivative with a solid nod and wink, this is about as adequate as they get.

SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET
(2007)
Dir - Tim Burton
Overall: MEH

 

Tim Burton's third musical in a row and another in a long line of adaptations and/or remakes of other works for the increasingly stagnant director, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street is the dark, dreary, mega-budgeted cinematic version of Stephen Sodenheim's stage musical of the same name.  Both the most sing-songy and most gory of Burton's works, the film will be a near torturous chore for those appreciative of either.  Likewise, for those who have long grown tired of the filmmaker's lack of original scripts, whimsically Gothic indulgences, and now comical insistence of working exclusively with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, this will also sit as uncomfortably as ever.  Burton takes his penchant for gloom to extremes here as the movie's color pallet is saturated to look a stone's throw away from Ed Wood.  The liberal amounts of splattery, crimson blood and Sacha Baron Cohen's circus performer-esque wardrobe are about the only exceptions to the depressing, muted tones and Depp and Carter look like Hot Topic emo kids donning period costumes for Halloween.  On the plus side, the music from the celebrated play is strong as are the vocal chops of the cast, even Depp who had to undergo singing lessons to catch up to his contemporaries here.  Otherwise, it is mostly a bombastic pass though.

2000s American Horror Part Eight

SESSION 9

(2001)

Dir - Brad Anderson

Overall: GOOD

For the majority of Brad Anderson's first break from romantic comedies in Session 9, things go off without a hitch.  The cast is strong and save for one or two very scripty monologues near the beginning and some textbook, horror movie phrases at the end, the dude-centric dialog is convincing.  The screenplay by Anderson and Stephen Gevedon, (who also appears as Mike in the film), is well-structured and uses the effortlessly creepy setting of the real life Danvers State Mental Hospital in Massachusetts, (as well as numerous scenes of characters listening to old tape recordings of split-personality inmates), rather engagingly.  That the movie does not manage to come off as generic as it probably should remains its most impressive quality, making the story itself more interesting than its spooky, well-executed if familiar set pieces.  The subversive presentation ultimately bypasses the somewhat lackluster finale and one or two hokey moments such as David Curoso's famous "Hey...fuck you!" meme per example.  With more missteps avoided than not, it is genuinely an admirable offering.

 

MURDER PARTY

(2007)

Dir - Jeremy Saulnier

Overall: GOOD

 

The first non-short, directorial effort from filmmaker Jeremy Saulnier and he and his friend's makeshift, somewhat unofficial production company Lab of Madness, Murder Party is about as dark as dark comedies get.  The premise is funny enough on paper which is always a good sign, but the way the film escalates its disturbingness in such a controlled manner that nevertheless manages to reach off-the-walls wackiness is quite impressive, especially for a full-length, indie debut.  As the title would suggest, there is a party (or two) and a whole lot of murder.  Pulling no punches whatsoever with the abundant amount of gore and throwing in little details like a cranked-out dog, a woman having an allergic reaction to non-organic raisins, and a werewolf mask catching on fire and getting fused to a guy's screaming face, there is a level of glee to be had by how much hilariously alarming set pieces keep popping up.  Much of the film is so ridiculous that no one could possibly mistake it for anything but a comedy, though Saulnier somehow never manages to make such absurdity come off as corny or cheap.  Instead, it is as enjoyable as a bulldozing experience can be for something so equally upsetting and hilarious.

 

ZOMBIE STRIPPERS

(2008)

Dir -  Jay Lee

Overall: MEH

 

D-rent and proudly so, writer/director/cinematographer/editor Jay Lee's Zombie Strippers is truth in advertising 101.  There are strippers, there are zombies, the end.  Paying any mind to the embarrassing social commentary or dumb-ass plot would be a waste of anyone's time.  Since the movie is positively idiotic and its only goal is to show boobs and gore while being idiotic, it achieves such a thing entertainingly for those who feel the one-note joke of the title can sustain itself for ninety-minutes in any context, let alone this one.  The combination of straight-to-late-night cable softcore aesthetics, Troma-adjacent splatter, and jokes that are meant to be funny because of how not funny they are, it certainly tests the threshold of exhaustability.  A small handful of moments are worth a chuckle, but the execution is so predominantly cheap and lame-brained that it is understandable to check out during the proceedings.  Thus is the case even when Jenna Jameson is battling a fellow naked zombie in a strip-off while shooting billiard balls out of her vagina.

2000s American Horror Part Seven

CITIZEN TOXIE: THE TOXIC AVENGER IV

(2000)

Dir - Lloyd Kaufman

Overall: MEH

 

In many ways a contender for the most Troma of all Troma movies, Lloyd Kaufman and his band of shameless misfits go to all the extremes conceivably possible in Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV.  As Stan Lee of all people announces at the beginning, this installment disregards the last two "rotten sequels", but canon concerns are hardly of importance.  What is important to all parties involved is cramming fart noises, body liquids, and offensively juvenile jokes in every possible frame and line of dialog.  Dialog such as "Somehow your wiener has miraculously turned into a vagina", "I have become...the Retarded Revenger", "Fill my chocolate starfish with your chunky chunky dick snot", and "Oh gross, this whisky tastes like pregnant lady piss".  Kaufman keeps things moving at a frenzy, forcing any opportunity to make fun of the movie's own way off-color stupidity, as well as retarded people, minorities, racists, and homosexuals.  For fans of Troma's unabashed, gross-out shtick, this one has everything to disgust, appall, and please.  For everyone else, just leave out the please part and you get the idea.

 

MONSTER HOUSE

(2006)

Dir - Gil Kenan

Overall: GOOD

 

This full-length debut from animator/director Gil Kenan, backed by the production studios formed by both Robert Zemeckis and Stephen Spielberg is a conventionally charming and witty family movie with enough macabre elements to please horror fans.  Monster House features the same motion capture animation used in Zemekis' The Polar Express from two years prior and it is innocently cartoony and as effective as any Pixar property currently being made.  The well-known supporting cast of Steve Buscemi, Kevin James, Maggie Gylennhaul, and Jason Lee fare well and funny enough against the three leads in Mitchel Musso, Sam Lerner, and Spencer Locke, though Nick Cannon is a bit obnoxious as a stereotypical, skittish police rookie.  The story while not intricate or mysterious is kept engaging due to Kenan's flowing direction and pacing, plus the script by Dan Harmon, Rob Schrab, and Pamela Pettler, (all of whom have noteworthy resumes of their own), has enough amusing components and mild sprinklings of adult humor present to keep older age demographics tuned in.  It is nothing too astonishing, but it achieves its goal as fun, expertly crafted popcorn fare.

THE SIGNAL

(2007)

Dir - David Bruckner/Dan Bush/Jacob Gently

Overall: MEH

Boasting a promising enough creative team behind it, (including one of the Southbound and V/H/S directors David Bruckner), The Signal has an excellent premise and some very funny moments, but does not bring its working elements together by the end.  Broken up into three segments, (each handled by one of the three filmmakers), The Signal can be reviewed more as an anthology horror movie even if it tells a single story.  Beginning on a creepy and interesting note, the second act goes a jarringly different route and the film becomes a full blown comedy for about thirty minutes.  Though it is still certainly enjoyable, the tone shift is very harsh and arguably a little sloppy.  So whether or not it was a good idea to make it more episodic is really up to the viewer's particular taste.  The final act though kicks right back into serious gear and by that point, things unfortunately becomes a bit tedious, (this is another movie where characters get the ever loving shit beat out of them to the point that they should be crippled, brain dead, or dead dead and instead keep dramatically reemerging with all of their strength and speed).  There are a few too many elements that tarnish the experience, though it is impressive enough in most respects.

2000s Foreign Horror Part Twelve

FAUST: LOVE OF THE DAMNED

(2000)

Dir - Brian Yuzna

Overall: WOOF

 

Pure, unmitigated, gleefully gross-out, wackadoo garbage for the sheer sake of it, Brian Yuzna's laughable, filthy, ultra-violent, extreme-metal schlock-fest Faust: Love the the Damned is a shamelessly neanderthal-brained adaptation of Tim Vigil and David Quinn's comic book character of the same name.  There is not a solitary ounce of subtlety anywhere in the proceedings.  Mark Frost in the lead seems to be going for some kind of over acting award, crossing his eyes, constantly slipping his accent, and bouncing between inexplicably silly Nicolas Cage via Jim Carey mannerisms like someone desperate to gorge on every ounce of scenery at his disposal.  That is all before he even turns into a rubber suit-wearing Wolverine/Batman/Spawn hybrid that would rather implode than stop making "Somebody stop me!" one-liners.  Elsewhere, B-movie regulars Jeffrey Combs and Andrew Divoff seem downright restrained in comparison, even though their and everyone else's dialog has got to be parodying every lame action/horror hybrid movie that come before to warrant its atrociousness.  Just to make sure it crosses even more "Satan, blood, fire, and yelling" cliches off the list, the soundtrack by Roadrunner Records is full of groove, industrial, death, and nu metal bands making the pathetic attempt at bad-assery even more embarrassing.  It was made for bad movie night that is for damn sure.

LINKEROEVER

(2008)

Dir - Pieter Van Hees

Overall:  MEH

The debut full-length Linkeroever, (Left Bank), from Flemish filmmaker Pieter Van Hees is technically well made, well acted, and has a consistency grounded tone, but it falls short of its would-be eerie potential.  While the occult-themed components are certainly sprinkled throughout, they are routinely glossed over to the point of bare minimal importance.  Because of this, it barely feels like it isa horror film for large portions of it, that is until its rather abrupt genre shift in the final ten minutes.  While this is not problematic on paper, the whole thing comes off awkwardly clumsy under these circumstances.  The puzzling clues simply do not appear all that menacing, so there is not a slow-boil type dread built up.  When then movie does finally reveal its true motives, it is both confusing from a narrative perspective and very jarring in how rushed the final moments come off with questions left unanswered just as quickly as they are raised in the first place.  There are many other films of a similar nature that take a more naturalistic or even "gritty" approach to such material heading in this direction, but Van Hees fails to provide enough if really any suspense here and that is a ultimately a bit of a shame.

PONTYPOOL
(2008)
Dir - Bruce McDonald
Overall: GOOD

The phrase “jump the shark” is used primarily to describe that moment where a television show takes a sharp or even subtle turn in an ill-advised direction that never again steers it back to what originally made it work.  Bruce McDonald's nearly faultless Pontypool does the horror movie equivalent of that exact same thing.  The first two thirds of the film, all hyperbole aside, are astonishingly well done.  The level of mystery the film ominously builds up is increasingly strange, plus the unsettling set pieces are captivating in a way only very few genre films are ever able to achieve.  This ends up being the movie's downfall though as McDonald unfortunately builds up so much to a would-be satisfying conclusion that he insurmountably cannot deliver on such a thing.  It comes so close yet ultimately, so far.  What is great here is unbelievably great, so much so that it bypasses the enormously disappointing last chapter.  The discussion afterwards may be unavoidably tied into what went horribly, horribly wrong, but for many, that may be a worthwhile price to pay for how profound of a near landmark it could have been.

2000s Foreign Horror Part Eleven

SAINT ANGE
(2004)
Dir - Pascal Laugier
Overall: MEH
 
French director Pascal Laugier started off his full-length career with the bog-standard, creepy orphanage movie Saint Ange, (House of Voices).  Everything here from the beaten down location, somber performances, haunting piano music, and vague supernatural occurrences are presented in an identical way that various other such films have presented them.  This is all perfectly fine if any number of things like a sufficiently eerie mood, intriguing mystery, or skin-crawling scares are also thrown into the mix.  Sadly, none of the above are on display here.  Virginie Ledoyen's protagonist is terribly underwritten and seems perpetually bored to be on camera, while Lou Doillon takes every aspect of her portrayal right out of the "crazy people off of their meds with a wild, unkempt haircut" rulebook.  Not to exclusively hark on the the movie's unoriginality, but it really cannot be understated how problematic it is in elevating so much as a single scene into something that will be remembered mere seconds after the credits roll.  When things do try and get trippy, the completely uninteresting story makes such moments seem more random and incoherent than anything else.  Lucio Fulci's favorite leading lady Catriona MacColl shows up for a couple of scenes though so at least it has that going for it.

ANTIBODIES
(2005)
Dir - Christian Alvart
Overall: GOOD

Filmmaker Christian Alvart has delivered a steady stream of thriller/horror/sci-fi outings since around the turn of the century, (both in and out of his home country), and his second entry Antibodies, (Antikörper), is in many ways a German Silence of the Lambs.  There is even a joke made early on where the psychotic pedophile murderer, (an appropriately vile André Hennicke), proclaims "What did you expect, Hannibal Lecter?".  That is not the only nod to arguably the most well-known and respected "interview a serial killer behind bars who plays mind games with you" FBI profiling thriller ever made and in many respects, this one ups the unpleasantness while still successfully adhering to the formula.  The conventional structure and familiar plot points do not end up jeopardizing the whole though, as it is still exciting to witness a wrap-up that successfully gets under one's skin.  While it certainly will not be for all tastes in this respect, most of the uncomfortable moments are delivered through dialog as opposed to being explicitly shown in an irritating, torture-porn shock value way; something that is always nice for a change.
 

FIDO
(2006)
Dir - Andrew Currie
Overall: GOOD

Throwing domesticated zombies into Leave It to Beaver suburbia proves to be quite an enjoyably silly pastiche in Canadian filmmaker Andrew Currie's Fido.  The initial script by Currie, Robert Chomiak, and Dennis Heaton was written twelve years earlier, finally emerging somewhat unfortunately when both serious zombie movies and parodies of them were a dime a dozen.  Despite the walking corpse over-saturation, this one takes an angle that is pretty distinguishable from the rest.  It is not like you are going to see a zombie milkman accompanied by an exaggerated, whimsical, G-rated musical score anywhere else.  The detailed, sugar-coated set design and throwback newsreel footage are flawlessly convincing for the 1950s, alternate reality setting and they mix hilariously with both the gore and simply bizarre elements like Carrie-Anne Moss's textbook housewife gaining genuine feelings for Billy Connolly's undead title character.  It all has a macabre, quasi-perversity to it that puts thing squarely in the spoof category and Currie knows just how to maximize the amount of goofy joy to be had out of such a juxtaposition that by all logical means, should never work on paper.