1970s British Horror Part Twenty-Seven

DOOMWATCH

(1972)
Dir - Peter Sasdy
Overall: MEH

The first post-Hammer theatrical film from director Peter Sasdy was Doomwatch, (Island of the Ghouls); an environmental not-really-horror film based off of the BBC science fiction series of the same name.  It has a Wicker Man-esque set-up where a scientific investigator visits an isolated island full of aloof inhabitants, but things steady meander after that with a central mystery that is fully explained by the second act.   From there, it plods along in a talky fashion as Ian Bannen's well-meaning protagonist tries in vain to convince the islanders that their plight has nothing to do with biblical judgement and has everything to do with dumped growth stimulants that have affected the local fish that they eat.  Even in its condensed form here as opposed to the television program, it still plays out in a less exciting fashion than it sounds.  There are only two moments that signal any kind of threat and it is all wrapped up, (and heavily proceeded by), endless amounts of banter between scientists, military bureaucrats, shady corporate men, and stubborn townsfolk.  Some gnarly, Ben Grimm-esque makeup and George Sanders making a swarmy cameo aside, it still fails to impress.

 

SON OF DRACULA
(1974)
Dir - Freddie Francis
Overall: MEH

 

An interesting trainwreck for all parties involved, Son of Dracula is a bizarre product of Apple Films, produced by and staring none other than Ringo Starr as a vehicle for none other than Harry Nilsson.  The latter had just recently released his quasi-horror spoof album Son of Schmilsson, which this movie daftly has no relation to.  Instead, it is a largely incomprehensible mess of musical and montage footage with a rough plot line of Nilsson's vampire seeking mortality after falling in love with Van Helsing's charming assistant.  Ringo plays Merlin the Magician, Dr. Frankenstein is the villain, Skip Martin shows up, a werewolf and the Frankenstein monster show up, (though they may be wax figures come to life), and Nilsson's bar band includes the likes of The Rolling Stones' horn section, Leon Russell, Klaus Voormann, Keith Moon, John Bonham, and Peter Frampton.  Also, it was directed by Hammer and Amicus mainstay Freddie Francis, though he bowed out during the editing phase for logical reasons.  At one point Graham Chapman, Douglas Adams, and Bernard McKenna were even commissioned to write a new script to be dubbed over the footage, yet this never came to pass.  Likewise, the film failed to get commercially released and has merely survived in midnight movie screenings and bootleg versions ever since.  Unfortunately a sluggish watch with no intended humor coming across besides Nilsson's name being Count Downe, (get it?), but rock and horror buffs should probably give it a curiosity viewing at some point.

 

EXPOSÉ

(1976)

Dir - James Kenelm Clarke

Overall: MEH

The sleazy, lackluster thriller Exposé, (House on Straw Hill, Trauma), from writer/director James Kenelm Clarke has little going for it besides it being a registered video nasty and staring genre regulars Udo Kier and Linda Hayden in the leads.  Apparently neither actor was happy with the results, as Kier rightfully lamenting the fact that he was allegedly never paid for his work, had difficulties with co-star Fiona Richmond, and had his recognizable German voice dubbed over, while Hayden merely considered it the only movie in her filmography that she regretted doing.  The story concerns a chauvinistic writer who rents out an isolated abode to finish his latest novel, hiring a secretary with her own revenge agenda that he only becomes aware of when it is far too late.  In the meantime, Hayden gets naked, gets raped, plays with herself, and has a narratively unnecessary lesbian encounter, while Kier drinks excessively and grows frustrated with his failed sexual advances towards his employee.  Hardly the most charming set of characters to be stuck with for eighty-odd minutes and nothing happens that is particularly shocking or interesting.  Different edits of the film exist with more or less nudity and bloodshed depending, but it ends up being a forgettable bit of exploitation in either capacity.

1970s American Horror Part Sixty-Five - (Paul Wendkos Edition)

THE MEPHISTO WALTZ

(1971)

Overall: MEH

 

"Uneven" is a good word to describe Paul Wendkos' Satanic murder mystery The Mephisto Waltz.  The most noticeable issue is the script itself, which is adapted from Fred Mustard Stewart's novel of the same name.  Every character has debatable morals that make it difficult to decide if their illogical actions are on account of bad writing, eccentricities, or just plain old Satan.  A handful of plot points transpire that are either quickly glossed over or utterly ignored, which makes for a sloppy narrative that is flimsy with too many of its details.  As a horror film goes though, look for a dog wearing a mask and an unsettling statue bust latter on as just two of several examples of visual creepiness.  There is plenty of debauchery afoot as well, but due to it being a major release from 20th Century Fox, nudity and gore are both largely omitted.  It fails to really kick into full gear, plus a later protagonist switch and the inevitable rug-pull in the finale are clumsily executed by the otherwise competent Wendkos from the director's chair.  Occult horror certainly has better offerings than this, but flaws and all, it is still adequate in parts.

 

HAUNTS THE VERY RICH

(1972)

Overall: GOOD

A chilling ABC Movie of the Week from veteran television director Paul Wendkos, Haunts the Very Rich has a top-to-bottom recognizable cast and a simple yet effective "paradise as purgatory" scenario.  Shot on location in Miami, Florida, it presents a warped version of Fantasy Island that predates Lost's similar premise by several decades, isolating a rag-tag group of wealthy protagonists on a mysterious luxury resort right at the on-set of a tremendous hurricane.  Well, that could be an explanation as to what is going on since the circumstances continue to get more and more dire, each time escalating right after the distraught hotel guests start to relax and gain some of their much needed hope back.  Lloyd Bridges, Ed Asner, Cloris Leachman, Robert Reed, Moses Gunn, and Anne Francis all deliver effective and singular performances from one another, plus Wendkos keeps things moving after a slow start, which is made acceptable due to the brisk seventy-five minute running time.  The ending is particularly effective, throwing both the characters and the audience a series of psyche-out twists that leave a disturbing impression once the credits hit.

 

THE LEGEND OF LIZZIE BORDEN

(1975)

Overall: MEH

Noticeable for featuring Elizabeth Montgomery playing her sixth, once-removed, real life title cousin, the ABC Movie of the Week The Legend of Lizzie Borden is a sufficient court room thriller based on the infamous, late 19th century, Massachusetts murder case.  Told in sections or chapters that detail each event leading up to and including the murder of Borden's father and step-mother as well as the ensuing trial, it gradually sheds more malicious light on the proceedings as the flashback sequences are divulged, each one stemming from another testimony on the witness stand.  Montgomery's non-grieving portrayal is initially seen as suspicious as she tries to keep her dignified wits about herself, and every piece of evidence brought forth by the prosecution is given reasonable doubt.  This would paint a more innocent picture if not for the fact that the filmmakers also show us what is presumed to be the "actual" murderous acts of Borden's accused spinster, which are presented as soft-focused and demented daydreams just before the verdict is announced.  Montgomery turns in a coldly aloof performance and the recognizable supporting players, (many of whom are fellow television alumni), fair just as respectable.

 

GOOD AGAINST EVIL

(1977)

Overall: MEH

Another failed pilot-turned ABC Movie of the Week, Good Against Evil boasts a screenplay from none other than Hammer regular Jimmy Sangster, with television director Paul Wendkos handling the material efficiently as usual.  While the concept of a Rosemary's Baby/Exorcist/The Omen hybrid for TV may seem downright obvious for the 1970s as all three films represent the most copied in the genre for the time period, it comes off as a redundant re-hash of such cliches in its lone, feature-length form.  Losing points for originality then, it gets by with some intense, Satanic atmosphere and dialed-in performances.  Richard Lynch and his naturally villainous looks makes for an ideal Astaroth High Priest, both Dack Rambo and Elyssa Davalos are a charming if doomed couple, and even Kim Cattrall joins the party in one of her earliest roles, though she lays on the old school, melodramatic cadence just thick enough to be jarring.  Being a television production, there is only suggested nudity and comparatively mild violence to what was already being accepted in theatrically released genre works, and Wendkos has no choice but to stall the middle of the proceedings with Rambo and Davalos' budding romance.  Still, an old woman gets killed by her own cats, Lynch spouts some evil alter ramblings, and it ends on an appropriate cliff-hanger that leaves us guess as to how many more occult tropes would have gotten dished-out.

1970s American Horror Part Sixty-Four

W

(1974)

Dir - Richard Quine

Overall: MEH

 

Though it boasts some decent performances and has an intense finale, W, (I Want Her Dead, W Is the Mark of Death), ends up being a poorly plotted and poorly paced psychological thriller.  Serving as the second leading role for British model-turned-actor Twiggy, it has a premise involving a psychotic ex-husband terrorizing her and her new husband at their beach house; a premise that is loaded with logical inconsistencies.  The couple gets tormented on a regular basis and in increasingly intense fashion, yet never once do they think to call the police.  Instead, a no-nonsense private investigator just suspiciously shows up at their property and after only being cautious of him for about twenty-four hours, they decide to utilize his shady services which only make him look more dubious in intent.  Once the bad guy finally makes an appearance, he only does so because Gerald Di Pego and James Kelley's script has jumped through enough far-fetched hoops to get him there.  With idiotic character behavior and "Ummm...I don't think it works that way" narrative contrivances top-to-bottom, it would be laughably inept if not for the straight-faced presentation.  Dirk Benedict turns in a genuinely disturbing performance as the disgruntled stalker and though Twiggy's character is equipped with the usual feeble-willed hysterical woman motifs, she at least makes for a convincing victim.

 

MANSION OF THE DOOMED

(1976)

Dir - Michael Pataki

Overall: MEH

 

Character actor Michael Pataki got behind the lens for the first time on Mansion of the Doomed, (The Terror of Dr. Chaney, Massacre Mansion, Eyes, Eyes of Dr. Chaney, House of Blood), which doubles as Charles Band's second production job.  One of countless genre films to retread Georges Franju's Eyes Without a Face, the premise here is virtually identical as a wackadoo surgeon kidnaps over half a dozen people in order to remove their eyes so that he can transplant them into his recently blinded daughter.  That logically sound plan goes off exactly as you would expect and leads to a fittingly gruesome comeuppance for Richard Basehart's lead mad scientist.  While Basehart's performance grows increasingly unhinged, he is presented as being several sandwiches short of a picnic from the opening scene, constantly muttering to himself and putting on a nonchalant, "I'm in complete control" facade almost until the finale.  Supporting roles from Lance Henriksen and Gloria Grahame are fun, but the star of the show is Stan Winston's grisly makeup effects as numerous actors wear eyeless prosthetics that are in keeping with the exploitative, unwholesome tone.  Too derivative to stand out, but it is well deserving of its video nasty reputation.

VAMPIRE

(1979)

Dir - E. W. Swackhamer

Overall: MEH

 

1979 was ripe with movies that concerned the undead and the simply-titled Vampire was also one of several failed series pilots to find its way onto prime-time as a stand-alone feature.  Veteran television director, (with one of the funniest names in the business), E.W. Swackhamer helmed a script that was co-authored by Steven Bochco, who would later create several notable TV shows, none of which came within miles of the horror genre.  Cast wise though, there are many recognizable players such as Jason Miller, E.G. Marshall, Richard Lynch, and even Joe Spinell in a non-schlubby cameo.  While it is agreeably made and the performers treat the material without any winks towards the audience, it is also bog-standard as far as vampire movies go.  Lynch makes a menacing, suave presence as a centuries-old blood-sucker who has amassed a fortune in his long, otherworldly life, but once he is discovered by Miller and Marshall who decide to go all Van Helsing in tracking him down, there is little for Lynch to do besides take a backsteat to the proceedings and occasionally emerge to smugly deliver some threatening dialog.  He of course rides off to do vampire things for another day, but the cliffhanger is hardly compelling enough for anyone to be jonesing for what happens next.

1970s American Horror Part Sixty-Three

THE BEGUILED

(1971)

Dir - Don Siegel

Overall: GOOD

The Southern Gothic thriller The Beguiled marked the third collaboration between director Don Siegel and star Clint Eastwood, itself an adaptation of Thomas P. Cullinan's novel of the same name.  Noted for Eastwood playing against type as an emasculated Union soldier, it has exploitative elements inherent in a story where a houseful of well-to-do women get the upper hand on their traumatic situation, with Eastwood's arrival opening up a barrage of sexual aggression and feminist agency.  Set in the South where the trials and tribulations of the Civil War have become commonplace, the women help-up in a seminary school are constantly only the look-out for soldiers or drifters on either side who would take sexual advantage of a house that is exclusively made up of females.  While Eastwood's character has trace elements of a conman, he must also be seen as just another person, (like the women), who is taking advantage of his present traumatic situation.  This makes the ending less about comeuppance than it is about the crippling religious and moral values brought on by a divided nation, and the whole thing is done with enough well-intended style to be of merit.

THE HAPPINESS CAGE
(1972)
Dir - Bernard Girard
Overall: MEH

Punctuated by strong performances, The Happiness Cage, (The Mind Snatchers, The Demon Within), is director Bernard Girand's adaptation of Dennis J. Reardon’s stage play of the same name.  Taking place almost entirely in a spacious, isolated clinic in Frankfurt, Germany, the small cast get to indulge in wordy exchanges that never get too introspective, with hardly any action and the explicitly dubious scheme of the U.S. military only getting explored in the final act.  There is nothing particularly unique here about yet another story where scientific tests are exploited to make mindlessly obedient soldiers, but Christopher Walken, (in his first lead role), elevates the low-key material as a stubborn army private who inadvertently becomes victim to Joss Ackland's hijacked brain manipulation methods.  Ronny Cox fares just as strong as a fellow corrupt patient who is pushed to the brink of loneliness and is tragically unable to withstand the cerebral operation that is conducted on him.  Elsewhere though, Girard's direction is lifeless and the low-budget affords for zero cinematic flourishes, hardly warranting a film interpretation of the material in the first place, thought the bleak final scene is at least chillingly effective.

 

THE SPECTRE OF EDGAR ALLAN POE

(1974)

Dir - Mohy Quandour

Overall: WOOF

The second full-length from sporadic director Mohy Quandour was the cheap, laboriously dull The Spectre of Edgar Allan Poe.  It may be of interest to genre fans for containing the last performance from The House on Haunted Hill and Spider Baby's Carol Ohmart, plus Cesar Romero shows up as an insane asylum doctor doing dubious mad scientist stuff because movies.  The story itself tells a fictionalized account of Poe's life, presenting a scenario where his often written about muse Lenore was an actual woman that he was infatuated with; a woman whose mind breaks and whose hair goes white after nearly being buried alive.  This sets things up in the aforementioned asylum where Lenore is admitted, at which point Poe decides to hang out for macabre inspiration.  Though the premise is not inherently humdrum, the presentation is exactly that.  Most of the film is nothing more than characters slowly walking around poorly-lit sets while thunder blares on the soundtrack for ominous ambiance.   Whatever Romero's character is up to is poorly explained if it is explained at all and the same goes for Ohmart who barely says anything before spontaneously going mad herself.  All of the performances are lackluster, yet this is largely due to the uninspired material that is void of both suspense and compelling set pieces.

1970s American Horror Part Sixty-Two

MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE 

(1971)

Dir - Gordon Hessler

Overall: MEH

American International Pictures continued on with another Edgar Allan Poe "adaptation" in title only with Murders in the Rue Morgue.  Lacking all of the personnel that made their initial Roger Corman/Vincent Price run legitimate, this one at least had the good sense to bring on director Gordon Hessler who had worked with Price on the latter's last three films.  Hessler and screenwriters Christopher Wicking and Henry Slesar recalibrated Poe's source material into a play-within-a-play framework, opening the film with a clever dupe that sets up the rest of the premise where nightmares and premonitions are constantly woven into the narrative to the point of endless confusion.  While this is a solid idea in theory and Hessler stages some adequately spooky dream sequences, it also becomes a detriment in making the movie difficult to follow.  By indulging in too many moments where Christine Kaufmann wakes up screaming in bed, it becomes repetitive and leads to a messy climax that seems more drawn-out than suspenseful.  Several members of the cast are recognizable and Jason Robards is a nice edition to quasi-Gothic horror, but Herbert Lom is essentially playing the exact same part that he did in Hammer's version of Phantom of the Opera nine years earlier, for better or worse.

 

THE STRANGER WITHIN

(1974)

Dir - Lee Philips

Overall: MEH

 

Television director Lee Philips and noted genre screenwriter Richard Matheson team up for The Stranger Within; an ABC Movie of the Week hybrid of Rosemary's Baby and Village of the Damned.  Matheson adapts his own novelette Trespass about an unassuming housewife who becomes miraculously impregnated by an alien force.  Those around her come to this conclusion due to a series of exhaustive and frustrating endeavors considering that the woman's husband is shooting blanks, which creates the usual "Well then who is the father?", domestic household tension.  Barbara Eden does fine work in the lead, ranting and raving with her jarring mood swings and cravings for both coffee and salt as the mysterious, extraterrestrial presences rapidly grows inside of her womb.  While Philips maintains a sinister enough atmosphere considering the television presentation and the ending leaves things off on a chilling note, Matheson's story is predictable due to the familiar ingredients that have inspired it.  There are no twists in the plot development; just increasing tension as Eden grows more and more unhinged and those around her become equally distraught with the situation.

DRACULA'S DOG

(1977)

Dir - Albert Band

Overall: MEH

The fact that a film titled both Dracula's Dog and Zoltan...Hound of Dracula is not as laugh-out-loud ridiculous as one would logically assume is either a detriment or a saving grace, depending on the viewer.  Director Albert Band was no stranger to low-level genre offerings and he brings a surprising level of dullness to the proceedings here, failing to emphasize the movie's unavoidably absurd premise for campy pizazz.  Instead, it is treated like a "legitimate" vampire movie with a scholarly undead expert showing up on the scene to convince Michael Pataki that he is indeed the last surviving descendant of Count Dracula and that a blood-sucking canine is indeed after him and his loved ones.  Notable as one of Stan Winston's earlier special effects jobs, he pulls off a few convincing dog bites, but this is hardly a spectacle for practical blood and guts-shedding.  Most of the proceedings are spent with Pataki and his well-do-do family doing normal suburban things and then camping in the woods, while Austrian character actor Reggie Nalder stares wide-eyed into the camera about seven dozen times.  There is some demonic howling on the soundtrack that adds a much needed bit of evil ambiance, though it is never enough to elevate either the snooze-worthy pace or Band's flat direction.

1970s American Horror Part Sixty-One

THE EYES OF CHARLES SAND

(1972)

Dir - Reza Badiyi

Overall: MEH

 

A failed TV pilot that was then delegated to being an ABC Movie of the Week, The Eyes of Charles Sand may be of interest for containing minor appearances by Adam West and Joan Bennett.  The story itself has a nifty enough premise of a man who is gifted/cursed by hereditary, supernatural premonitions after the death of his uncle.  Unfortunately, such a hook is poorly utilized throughout the unfolding hour and fifteen minutes and all but abandoned in the second half where it turns into a lackluster drama featuring two shady relatives that are trying to convince their sister that she did not see them murder her brother.  Before this unfortunate narrative detour though, veteran television director Reza Badiyi stages some freaky scenes concerning Peter Haskell's otherworldly visions, including a woman with cartoonishly-aged make-up on and his uncle with glassy eyes.  Both Barbara Rush and Sharon Farrell turn in obnoxious performances, though this has more to do with the poor writing which has the later behaving like a childish lunatic only because she is being duped by her siblings, while the former is perfectly calm and unassuming until the final set piece where she goes full-blown psychobiddy wackadoo.

KNIFE FOR THE LADIES

(1974)

Dir - Larry G. Spangler

Overall: MEH

Producer Larry G. Spangler's directorial career was exclusively dedicated to the Western genre, making his 1974 effort Knife for the Ladies a slight variation as it is also a slasher movie.  Though the hybrid is unique in some respects and certainly so for the time period, the resulting film is typical of low-budget offerings that were ill-equipped with uninteresting scripts, flat direction, and stagnant pacing.  Set in the Old West of course, Jeff Cooper has a curly blonde afro that is completely clashing with the time period, plus he smirks his way through all of his line readings with a swagger that is not entirely appropriate to a character that is sent to a small Arizona town which is besieged by a mysterious, prostitute-killing psycho.  Though it opens with back-to-back murders done with some POV flare, things permanently settle into boredom from there on out as the movie becomes nothing more than a series of endless talking scenes that offer up regurgitated information while pointing to the obvious culprit the entire time.  Naturally then, the ending is hardly as rug-pulling as was intended, least of all because the would-be shocking set pieces is already telegraphed on the film's poster.  Sans some bloodshed, it has a dated, made-for-TV presentation and no star power, but the major issue is still its lackadaisical flow.

THUNDERCRACK!

(1975)

Dir - Curt McDowell

Overall: WOOF

A black and white, pornographic horror comedy and the third full-length from queer, underground filmmaker Curt McDowell, Thundercrack! is a typically meandering mess that only the most forgiving of midnight movie fans can endure.  Primarily staged as a set of improvisational, cinéma vérité monologues, it over stays its welcome at nearly three hours in length.  Equally uncharasmatic and unphotogenic actors prattle on and talk over each other, each one delivering obnoxious performances that intentionally emphasize high camp and satirical melodrama.  There are numerous sex scenes, (some between a man and woman, some between two women, some between two men, some involving sex toys, some involving a gorilla), but even then, the incessant banter hardly stops and more ridiculous scenarios are described in agonizingly grating detail than shown.  McDowell occasionally treats us to bizarre vignettes and closeups, but for the most part, things stay in its old dark house setting where all of the hedonistic hippies can sit around boring each other and the viewer.  As a desperate genre mash-up, it gets some points for its wild ambitions, (plus John Waters fans will appreciate its gleeful, bad taste button-pushing and risque visuals), but it is borderline unwatchable in its execution.

1970s American Horror Part Sixty

ARNOLD

(1973)

Dir - Georg Fenady

Overall: MEH

 

The second and ergo the last of only two theatrical releases from director Georg Fenady, (both of which were horror, shot at the same time, featured several of the same actors, came out in 1973, and were financed by Bing Crosby Productions), Arnold is slightly superior and at least more interesting than its unassuming companion piece Terror in the Wax Museum.  Premise wise, it concerns the aristocratic title character and Stella Stevens getting married in the odd opening scene, post the former technically being a corpse in an open casket.  Such a silly narrative gimmick is used to the fullest as Lord Arnold Dwellyn's shenanigans seem to come from beyond the grave as he is twelve steps ahead of everyone that is trying to double-cross the fine print in his last will and testament.  Lighthearted and mildly amusing with copious amounts of fog and a macabre finale at its disposal, the familiar cast appears to be in on the fun with a particularly scenery-chewing Elsa Lancaster and a swarmy Roddy McDowall being the most enjoyable.

 

THE TURN OF THE SCREW

(1974)

Dir - Dan Curtis
Overall: MEH

 

Shot in London with a nearly exclusive English cast, Dan Curtis' ABC Movie of the Week interpretation of The Turn of the Screw is a largely unnecessary teleplay variation that fails to capture the astonishingly chilling heights of Jack Clayton's seminal 1961 film The Innocents.  Oddly, Megs Jenkins returns from said movie, once again playing the exact same role in the exact same manner where most of her monologues are delivered while concernedly gazing away from Lynn Redgrave's protagonist in proper somber, melodramatic fashion.  Redgrave is fine as the governess who slowly unravels a string of supernatural manipulation, plus child actors Jasper Jacob and Eva Griffith handle their charming mannerisms in a sinister fashion as is appropriate to Henry James' source material.  It is mostly the shot on videotape presentation that fails to impress as the entire production looks as low-end as any other BBC serial from the era and it is therefor not adequately suited for creating cinamatically atmospheric spookiness.  The two-hour running time is also less than ideal as so many "I swear I saw someone...oh wait, now they're gone" set pieces get thrown in that it becomes a grating, talky experience as poor Miss Cubberly simply cannot get a break in convincing anyone else of what is happening.

 

DIE SISTER, DIE!

(1978)

Dir - Randall Hood

Overall: MEH

Equipped with one of the most misleading film posters of all time, Die Sister, Die!, (The Companion), is a lackluster psychobiddy thriller and the final directorial effort from Randall Hood, who died two years before it was released.  The movie was actually shot in 1972, but production difficulties let it linger on the shelf until it was finally finished by star Jack Ging.  In any event, it certainly comes off as dated since the budgeting video nasty boom was on the horizon and the TV movie presentation here lacks the necessary exploitative qualities to peak the interest of audience members that were clamoring for sleaze and overt violence.  Instead, we have Ging playing an unwholesome man who hatches an illogical scheme to smooth-over a new live-in companion for his mentally unstable sister, all in an attempt to allow her to commit suicide and ergo leave their father's vast fortune solely over to him.  Several obvious things can go wrong with such a plan and indeed they do, leading to a predictable climax that not even a later plot twist can strike any life into.  The small cast is made up of respectable veteran actors and they do the hum-drum material solid, but the story is pedestrian and Hood only manages to throw in one rubbery, surreal, Roger Corman-esque nightmare sequence into the mix to break up what is otherwise a stagnant affair.