60's Foreign Horror Part Five

THE HANDS OF ORLAC
(1960)
Dir - Edmond T. Gréville
Overall: MEH

Shot in both English and French, Edmond T. Gréville's remake of The Hands of Orlac, (Hands of the Strangler), is easily the weakest adaptation of the story yet made.  Besides Christopher Lee's presence, it bares absolutely zero resemblance to any kind of horror film whatsoever.  In fact it's so tediously dull that it can barely fit even into any kind of thriller mold.  The editing and pacing are mangled in quite a unified manner.  Seemingly important sections which were tensely built upon in previous versions are glossed over with abrupt cuts to often enormous amounts of time later, making the film seem like it is missing quite a bit of footage.  At over ninety minutes in length though, there's plenty of footage left alright, it is just that what is left moves things along at a crawl and offers so little suspense it's routinely difficult to even tell what the confrontation is supposed to be.  The story would get yet another treatment two years later from an American B-movie studio in the form of Hands of the Stranger.

 

THE CHAMPAGNE MURDERS

(1967)

Dir - Claude Chabrol

Overall: MEH

 

The murder mystery The Champagne Murders, (Le scandale), from French filmmaker Claude Chabrol is not as flashy or outlandishly plotted as the giallos that were gaining momentum out of Italy at the time, but it has some noteworthy stylistic elements all the same.  Featuring an international cast, (with the French speaking actors phonetically miming their dialog in English for dubbing), it is the first of Chabrol's collaborations with Anthony Perkins, the later being 1971's Ten Days' Wonder which added Orson Welles as well.  The director makes solid use out of several long, single takes as he cleverly teases the audience with some inevitable murders which always happen off screen.  The film is low on violence and high on chatty dialog as it's mostly a serious of scenes where rich people are either intoxicated, snobbish or both.  It is ultimately more bland than invigorating as a part-psychological thriller, but it is impressive from a production standpoint at least.

 

ZINDA LAASH

(1967)

Dir - Khwaja Sarfraz

Overall: MEH

Notable as the first Pakistani film to be X-rated and as a rare Dracula adaptation from said country, Zinda Laash, (Dracula in Pakistan, The Living Corpse), holds some historical merit to be sure.  Unfortunately, that's about its only redeemable attributes.  At a hundred and three minutes in length, the laboriously slow direction, flat presentation, and melodramatic music make for a rather rough watch.  The story is so cliche ridden that anyone who's seen any of the countless other films based off Bram Stoker's novel will have zero problem following along even without subtitles.  The handful of distracting dance sequences and one or two atmospheric moments give it a bit more uniqueness, but the Dracula stand-in disappears for the entire middle hour of the movie which leaves scene after scene after scene of characters sitting around talking about how they can't believe such tales of vampirism.  Then more dance sequences.  It is a slog, but a culturally significant slog.

60's British Horror Part Nine

PEEPING TOM

(1960)

Dir - Michael Powell
Overall: GOOD

It is not hyperbolic to consider Michael Powell's Peeping Tom to be one of the most influential horror films of all time.  Legendarily panned when released and subsequently ruining the career of its director, it has survived its initial reputation to become over analyzed by film scholars and other directors for decades which it primarily deserves.  The mere concept of voyeurism was rarely explored as complexly as it is here.  The unassuming, socially fragile Mark Lewis, (traumatized by his scientist father's sadistic experiments on him as a child), is a pathetically sympathetic psychopath who's erotic fixation with the film camera uncomfortably puts the viewer of the movie themselves in his rather perverse position.  Though it helped begat European giallos and later the largely imitative slasher sub-genre, many of the tropes established here were uniquely challenging for it's time.  It remains a powerful and psychologically striking work to be sure.

 

THE SHE BEAST

(1966)

Dir - Michael Reeves

Overall: MEH

 

The brief filmography of director Michael Reeves kicks off to a pretty haphazard start with the English/Italian co-production The She Beast.  Barbara Steele is on board for a single day of filming and it shows since the script, (also authored by Reeves under the pseudonym Michael Byron), ditches her at the end of the first act.  It begins with your standard, "angry villagers condemning a witch" set up, then goes into your standard "attractive couple on holiday in remote Europe" follow-up.  All ending with a high speed chase between the police and a descendant of Abraham Van Helsing with a drugged up monkey witch in the trunk, (don't ask), the film goes through so many topsy-turvy motions that it is certainly worth noting as a piece of outlandish Euro-horror.  The pacing is of course dreadful and the dubbing embarrassing plus from a technical level, it is all long, single shots, "vaguely point the camera at things in broad daylight" cinematography, and botched editing.  Certainly a mess and an amateur-level production top to bottom, but also rather amusing at regular intervals because of it.

THE HAUNTED HOUSE OF HORROR

(1969)

Dir - Michael Armstrong

Overall: WOOF

Largely inept and further mangled by studio interference, Michael Armstrong's full-length debut The Haunted House of Horror, (Horror House), is a poorly regarded slog and rightfully so.  Multiple initial casting choices, (such as Boris Karloff and David Bowie), were replaced by lesser known actors with Frankie Avalon forced into the production as American International Pictures had him under contract at the time.  Further script re-writes and additional, uninteresting sub-plots were also shot.  Essentially a whodunit set in swinging London, the first act is mercilessly slow and completely void of anything horror related at all.  Amazingly though, it gets even more boring once the murders start happening.  Loaded with nonsensical plot decisions, more torturous pacing, pathetic day for night scenes, and an out of nowhere twist ending, there is nothing to recommend even for curiosity's sake.  Well, Avalon does get stabbed in the dick which is certainly worth a chuckle, so credit where it is due there.

60's Horror Shorts

WOTON'S WAKE
(1962)
Dir - Brian De Palma
Overall: MEH

Chaos, hedonism, and ridiculous avant-garde aesthetics co-mingle in a quite over-the-top manner with Brian de Palma's early short Wonton's Wake.  Technically a student film and very much adhering to such ambitious pretentiousness coupled with inexperience and lack of budget stereotypes, it is a collage of images, no dialog, stock footage, abstract sound effects, and goofy folk music thrown in to provide some desperate narrative comprehension.  It is better to just give up on that and instead sit back and take in the barrage of sights and sounds revolving the title character who is some sort of weird magician/madman with prosthetic face appliances, a blowtorch, and the ability to turn random metallic trinkets into humans.

WHISTLE AND I'LL COME TO YOU
(1968)
Dir - Johnathan Miller
Overall: GOOD

The precursor to the BBC's annual A Ghost Story for Christmas series was this television production of M.R. James' Whistle and I'll Come to You which initially aired on May 7th, 1968 as part of the BBC arts strand Omnibus.  Identical in tone and structure to the later rightfully lauded broadcasts, (the first five of which were likewise James adaptations), it features no musical score and an excellently eccentric performance from acclaimed stage actor Michael Hordern.  It is also rather indulgent in its frustrating listlessness, with so little happening for enormous periods of time as to make modern audiences particularly frustrated.  That said, Beyond the Fringe's Johnathan Miller's bare, nearly unmoving presentation does create an impressive level of dread.  For very gradually paced, exclusively atmospheric horror, it is assuredly a textbook example.

INVOCATION OF MY DEMON BROTHER
(1969)
Dir - Kenneth Anger
Overall: GOOD

Another in a stream of experimental occult films from Kenneth Anger was 1969's Invocation of My Demon Brother.  Featuring not only Anger, but also Anton LaVey, Manson Family member Bobby Beausoleil, and quick snippets of the Rolling Stones, it is a collage of Satanic, hippy-culture images like people smoking out of a skull bong, some kind of Crowley-inspired stage production involving a Nazi flag, and a hooded and masked band procession down a staircase which ends with some sort of creature holding up a sign that says "Zap you're pregnant that's witchcraft".  So Anger's sense of humor is a nice addition.  The surreal soundtrack by Mick Jagger is its own sort of strange collage of Moog synthesizer ambiance, clashing percussion, and eerie mantra chants.  It is all avant-garde, drugged-out, LaVeyan Satanism-inspired pretentiousness and quite fun at being so.

THE IMAGE
(1969)
Dir - Michael Armstrong
Overall: GOOD

The movie debut for both English director Michael Armstrong and David Bowie as actor, The Image is a dialog-less, black and white art film with a simple, creepy premise.  "The Artist" Michael Byrne is basically haunted by his painting come to life being "The Boy" Bowie and he then spends the majority of the fourteen minute running time trying to kill him.  It gets a bit repetitive rather quickly, but the stark, percussive soundtrack and off-kilter visual style is effectively disturbing.  The short will mostly be of interest to Bowie fans of course, but it also shows a skill at haunting imagery for Armstrong who would go on to more overtly horror and then exploitative terrain with The Haunted House of Horror and Mark of the Devil respectively.

Masters of Horror Season Two Part Three

RIGHT TO DIE
(2007)
Dir - Rob Schmidt
Overall: MEH

The comedic through-line runs rather murky as well as bloody in Right to Die, the only Masters of Horror entry from Rob Schmidt, (Wrong Turn, Crime and Punishment in Suburbia).  Focusing around Martin Donovan's softly mumbling, increasingly unlikable protagonist and beginning with a patented "They are going to crash aren't they?" car scene, it quickly presents itself as an EC Comics comeuppance tale.  While it is sexy and gory at frequent instances, the story seems more ripe for humor which it does not indulge in nearly enough.  A good job is done in making the victim's demises wholly justifiable as Julia Anderson's supernaturally-willed vengeance has its way with them, but for once, a more over the top approach would seem more justifiable.  Instead it is just mediocre, only coming close to delivering on its more silly than ominous premise.

WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM
(2007)
Dir - Tom Holland
Overall: MEH

The simple "boogeyman out for vengeance" premise in Tom Holland's We All Scream for Ice Cream is a bit too goofy to merit its often straight-faced presentation.  Based on John Farris' story You Scream, I Scream, We All Scream for Ice Cream, the dialog is full of eyeball rolling groaners, particularly from William Forsythe's typically hammy Buster the clown.  For any supernaturally-charged, murderous villain to be formidable, they need to pull off a couple of gooey and violent kills and thankfully this is the case here.  While the schlock is appreciated and wholly necessary, the tone is a bit dull and ill-fittingly serious in other areas.  The material deserving more ridiculousness than what it brings then, it is only partially successful because of this.

THE BLACK CAT
(2007)
Dir - Stuart Gordon
Overall: GOOD

A great number of Edgar Allan Poe adaptations have come and gone in the wake of horror cinema being invented and Stuart Gordon's semi-version of The Black Cat is unique in that it is not an adaptation at all.  Instead, it stars a heavily made-up and rather unrecognizable Jeffrey Combs as Poe himself, the film then dipping its toes both into biopic and psychological horror all at once.  While Combs' performance is particularly strong, the occasionally confused and monotonous script by Gordon and Dennis Paoli suffers a bit.  That said, there are some fun nods to a few of the author's famous works as well as some nice gross-out gore to further compliment things.  It gets by enough as a clever homage, a wonderful showcase for Combs, and a nice penultimate entry for Gordon to almost go out on.

THE WASHINGTONIANS
(2007)
Dir - Peter Medak
Overall: MEH

Unintentional (and some intentional) goofiness ultimately undermines (or makes better) Peter Medak's The Washingtonians, an adaptation of Bentley Little's short story of the same name.  The premise is so absurd that it becomes impossible to make it creepy, try as everyone involved does.  Camped-up performances by a horde of cannibals dressed in powdered wigs, white make-up, and Revolutionary War attire dumping expository dialog for the audience's convenience and lines like "Tastes like chicken", "Don't touch them!  Eat ME you sons a bitches!", and "They ALL like...virgin...meat" provide both chuckles and eye-ball rolling in equal measures.  Things mostly suffer when Medak tries to create more chilling moments as the comedic aspects work far better when heavily leaned into.  Pretty ridiculous stuff.

DREAM CRUISE
(2007)
Dir - Norio Tsuruta
Overall: MEH

The final episode of Masters of Horror unfortunately ends with a mangled full-length film, Norio Tsuruta's Dream Cruise which was condensed from its initial ninety-minute running to just under an hour for air on Showtime.  It seems rushed right from the get-go, diving head on into multiple, rather lame nightmare sequences one after the other.  Filmed in Japan with a mostly Japanese cast speaking in English, the heavy accents oddly are not limited to the locals; Canadian-born New Zealand actor Daniel Gillies' inconsistent Bronx slips also become quite comical after awhile.  Regardless of the dialect, the performances and dialog are rather poor and with the arbitrary supernatural moments failing to provide much effective atmosphere, it is rather a dud all around.

Masters of Horror Season Two Part Two

PRO-LIFE
(2006)
Dir - John Carpenter
Overall: MEH

 

For his to-date penultimate film Pro-Life, John Carpenter chose to fuse the sensitive topic of abortion with Christian fanaticism and demonic monsters.  It is a dark, occasionally over the top thriller that is both hit and miss in execution.  Outside of the rather impressive creature design that comes near the finish line, this is the most visually bland of Carpenter's works.  A women's health clinic's lights being shut off on a pleasant, warm-weathered morning basically provides the only means of atmospheric scenery.  The script by Drew McWeeny and Scott Swan as well as the musical score by Carpenter's son Cody are just as unremarkable, though Ron Perlman makes for an imposing, calmly mannered villain.  There is a couple of memorable moments and the tone is kept rather grounded and serious, but it is all not as exciting as it otherwise could be.

PELTS
(2006)
Dir - Dario Argento
Overall: GOOD

The third television film in a row from Dario Argento and the last before making the hilariously over the top trainwreck Mother of Tears the following year, Pelts may rank as one of the most curiously strange entries in the once mighty filmmaker's career.  As anyone with even a passing familiarity with Argento's work can attest to, this is saying something.  It is once again unclear how ridiculous the director's intentions were as the cartoon level gore, overt sleaze, Meat Loaf's bombastically silly performance, and the very peculiar premise all lend themselves to bursts of head scratching laughter for the audience.  As a critique on the fur industry of all things, it is played both dark and schlocky all at once and certainly a hoot if anything else.

THE SCREWFLY SOLUTION
(2006)
Dir - Joe Dante
Overall: MEH

 

Round two for Joe Dante in the Masters of Horror series is a similar social commentary essay as Homecoming was from the previous season.  Instead of being anti-war/anti- right wing propaganda essentially, the Alice Sheldon adaptation The Screwfly Solution turns violent, toxic masculinity and Christian zealousness into a virus while throwing a quite random curve-ball at the audience during its closing minutes.  Stripping away his usual knack for humor, Dante's straight-fisted approach does not particularly stick as numerous moments dip their toes into unintended silliness.  The film seems both heavy handed and quite rushed, with lukewarm performances and an amateur quality look that is due to it being shot on digital cameras.  

VALERIE ON THE STAIRS
(2006)
Dir - Mick Garris
Overall: MEH

Arguably the dullest entry in the series, Masters of Horror creator Mick Garris' Clive Barker adaptation Valerie on the Stairs has certain compelling ingredients at play, but manages to mangle them in an incredibly lackluster fashion.  Some excessive gore, nudity, and scenery chewing performances from Christopher Lloyd and Tony Toddd, (the later as a wildly made-up demon), occasionally provide a heartbeat or two, but the story itself is stagnant to a fault.  The first half is incredibly tedious as the main protagonist does nothing except sit down to write in his room, hear knocks at his door, go out to find a nude woman calling for him, get yelled at by the other tenants, make friendly with the bro out of the bunch, and then it all repeats almost exactly as such several times over.  Once things start getting more unholy and actually exciting, the boredom has taken too strong of a hold and it ends confusing and ham-fisted.

Masters of Horror Season Two Part One

THE DAMNED THING
(2006)
Dir - Tobe Hooper
Overall: MEH

The second season of Masters of Horror kicks off to a similarly lackluster extent with Tobe Hooper's The Damned Thing.  Once again working with Richard Christian Matheson, (this time adapting the Ambrose Bierce short story of the same name), it is graciously miles and miles away from the heavy metal schlock stupidity of their abysmal Dance of the Dead collaboration the previous season at least.  Though Hooper shows more restraint than usual, it still becomes a bit clumsy as it goes on with some loud, hammy performances, lazy plotting, bad CGI, and dizzying editing.  It is not insulting or obnoxious, but that is also probably the best thing one can say about it.

FAMILY
(2006)
Dir - John Landis
Overall: GOOD

 

For his follow-up to the routinely silly Deer Woman from season one, John Landis takes a certainly quirky yet less overtly comedic, Tales from the Crypt-esque route with Family.  The cast is solid, with George Wendt making a convincingly unhinged suburbanite neighbor whose grasp on reality is both humorous and concerning.  While the premise is plenty ridiculous on paper and goes to some macabre places, Landis maintains the right balance throughout as it never goes too far in either direction.  The twist makes a few plot holes readily apparent and there is one or two lousy digital effects moments that represent about the only complaints one can throw at it. 

THE V WORD
(2006)
Dir - Ernest Dickerson
Overall: MEH

Written by series creator Mick Garris and directed by Ernest Dickerson, (Tales from the Crypt Presents: Demon Night, Bones), The V Word has some tensely creepy set pieces in its first act as well as some convincing gore which carries it through some of the more egregious cliches that it fails to bypass.  These would include a couple foreseeable psyche-outs and 911 responders failing to do their job because the script tells them to.  Said script by Garris also relies on some lame dialog choices and Dickerson loves his Dutch angles a bit too much.  Michael Ironside makes for an effective if hammy villain and it all does go in a rather schlocky direction by the end.  While this is not necessarily a bad thing, it is too inconsistent overall to bring everything together.

SOUNDS LIKE
(2006)
Dir - Brad Anderson
Overall: MEH

For his one Masters of Horror installment, Brad Anderson, (Session 9, The Machinist), chose to adapt Mike O'Driscoll's short story Sounds Like and the result is somewhat subpar.  As a stuffy, quality control supervisor who is suffering from a bizarre condition after going through an extreme tragedy, Chris Bauer seems hopelessly unhinged, making his multiple breakdowns rather inevitable.  While the performances are adequate and the tone is appropriate for the material, it gets extremely repetitive and ultimately not that compelling because of this.  It is more sad and uncomfortable than creepy, representing one of the more mediocre entries in the series.

Masters of Horror Season One Part Three

FAIR-HAIRED CHILD
(2006)
Dir - William Malone
Overall: GOOD

The sole Masters of Horror entry from William Malone, (Scared to Death, Feardotcom), is possibly the most stark, humorless one in the season.  Scripted by Matt Greenberg, (Halloween H20, 1408), Fair-Haired Child presents a strange premise where an eccentric, grieving family turns to the occult and it is all played consistently straight, without any cornball acting or over the top set pieces.  That said, Lori Petty is a bit stiff as the troubled mother and there is at least one gruesome moment that comes off a little intentionally silly.  Elsewhere though, it features a genuinely disturbing monster design with Malone using the same herky-jerky, spastic editing technique he indulged in his House on Haunted Hill remake.  The more serious tone is a welcome change to the series and overall it delivers enough creepiness to recommend.

SICK GIRL
(2006)
Dir - Lucky McKee
Overall: GOOD

Throughout the majority of Sick Girl, director Lucky Mckee manages to have concocted something seemingly impossible which is an adorable horror movie.  Working again with Angela Bettis after their impressive collaboration in May, a similarly quirky, darkly comedic tone is maintained and the actress once more shows a remarkable talent for playing hilariously eccentric, socially awkward characters.  Essentially a love story that only briefly goes sinister before unveiling some freakish visuals at the end, it is that rarest of instances where something in the horror genre makes oddball cuteness actually rather heartwarming.  Deliberately silly and gross with some wonderful profanity sprinkled in for good measure, it is probably the most fun entry in the Masters of Horror's debut season.

PICK ME UP
(2006)
Dir - Larry Cohen
Overall: MEH

In what would be his final directorial effort, Larry Cohen's Pick Me Up is rather typical of the director's work.  Featuring yet another eccentric performance from character actor Michael Moriarty whose bizarre mannerisms and line readings helped to further ruin earlier Cohen entries The Stuff and Q: The Winged Serpent, the film is likewise morbidly humorous yet darker and more suspenseful in tone.  While certain slasher stereotypes are upheld and characters occasionally speak in lame cliches, the story by genre author David Schow does have a singular premise which is rather interesting.  Cohen's quirkiness and botching of tone is comparatively subdued though it still makes for an odd offering that is only partially enjoyable.

HAECKEL'S TALE
(2006)
Dir - John McNaughton
Overall: MEH

Originally slated for George A. Romero to be behind the lens, scheduling conflicts brought John McNaughton, (Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer), on board instead for the Clive Barker adaptation Haeckel's Tale.  Essentially the author's more nasty re-telling of Frankenstein with a black magic/necromancy angle thrown in for good measure, its ending at least is appropriately perverse and borders on absurdity.  McNaughton plays things rather straight though and even as it all goes over the top, it does so in a controlled manner.  It is regrettable then that the middle section is a slog, dragging the whole thing down considerably.  The disturbingly macabre finish may be worth the wait for some viewers, but the sluggish trek to get there does undermine things just a bit too much.

IMPRINT
(2006)
Dir - Takashi Miike
Overall: GOOD

Japan's most prolific genre filmmaker, (by a mile), Takashi Miike's lone contribution to Masters of Horror was the only one in the series to be rejected by Showtime due to the director's usual practice of jacking up the violence to uncomfortably disturbing degrees.  Imprint certainly goes there with some eye-wincing torture segments and shots of aborted fetuses, but the film is not exclusively gratuitous.  Technically a traditional kaidan story, the pacing is gradual and Miike sprinkles some atmospheric and bizarre creepiness here and there.  Performance wise, it is uneven with the almost exclusively Japanese cast speaking in rough English and villainous character actor Billy Drago overdoing it quite a bit.  Impressively otherworldly and bold, it is worth examining for those that can stomach its unflinching components though.

Masters of Horror Season One Part Two

CHOCOLATE
(2005)
Dir - Mick Garris
Overall: MEH

The first Masters of Horror entry to be helmed by the series creator Mick Garris, (Sleepwalkers, the television miniseries version of The Shining), Chocolate has a somewhat ambitious and strange premise that unfortunately falls a bit flat.  Familiar faces Henry Thomas and Matt Frewer are present, with the former being besieged by uncomfortably strange, violent, and horny visions, the latter an aging punk rock musician, and both are artificial food chemical scientists because why not?  Though it is comparatively void of the at least aggressive schlock present in some of the bigger name director's installments, it is still clunky due to a less than tight script, some B-movie acting, and the modest TV budget. 

HOMECOMING

(2005)
Dir - Joe Dante
Overall: MEH

Joe Dante's loose adaptation of Dale Bailey's 2002 short story Death & Suffrage is a strongly potent zombie film for the Bush Jr. era.  As a political satire, Homecoming is incessantly on the nose, depicting right wing warmongers as sub-human, cartoon character villains who are in black and white contrast to the sympathetic undead soldiers that have come back to vote non-Republican.  The contrast of sentimentality and goofy, zombie high jinks is jarring to say the least and Dante never quite establishes the right tonal balance between them.  This mixed with the nonchalant way that the characters react to the extraordinary situation on hand makes for a bizarre end result that loses its footing as humorous parody, coming off more confused than anything.

DEER WOMAN
(2005)
Dir - John Landis
Overall: GOOD

Returning to horror after a thirteen year break, John Landis' Deer Woman is quite typical of the director's output.  Meaning it is violent, features Easter eggs to his previous works, and is overtly comedic.  Co-written by his son Max and featuring Dream On's Brian Benben in the lead, the humor is very hit or miss.  It is mostly an issue of timing and some odd performances, with several moments lingering awkwardly for laughs that never quite land.  On the plus side though, the light tone is appropriate and just as he did in the seminal An American Werewolf in London, more time is spent teasing the title monster than properly showing it.  Messy and flawed to be fair, but it is also not taken very seriously and ends up rather enduring because of this.

CIGARETTE BURNS
(2005)
Dir - John Carpenter
Overall: GOOD

No series called Masters of Horror could exist on admirable footing without an inclusion from John Carpenter and his Cigarette Burns entry is appropriately satisfying.  Stepping noticeably away from the more over-the-top tendencies of his later movies, Carpenter goes for a more eerie and gradual mood here.  As a story about a legendarily infamous bit of celluloid, it is a slow boil that grows increasingly more sinister and strange along the way.  The gory end result is fittingly eye-wincing and the impending madness that has been built up is largely fulfilled.  It is ultimately not as visually captivating as the filmmaker's most lauded work and a mistake is made in showing too much of the cursed film within a film which comes off like a parody of a student art-house movie that is trying way too hard to be disturbing.  Still, it is a strong effort with enough skillful Carpenter flourishes to make it essential viewing for fans of the director's largely excellent filmography.

Masters of Horror Season One Part One

INCIDENT ON AND OFF A MOUNTAIN ROAD
(2005)
Dir - Don Coscarelli
Overall: MEH

The Showtime series Masters of Horror gets off to a mediocre start with Don Coscarelli's Incident On and Off a Mountain Road.  Co-scripted by Joe R. Lansdale and based off of his own short story of the same name, it goes for a Texas Chainsaw Massacre vibe with a giant, creepy looking mute boogeyman living in the middle of the woods who likes to kidnap and torture women because horror movies.  Coscarelli brings the Tall Man Angus Scrimm on board as a demented old redneck spouting nonsense and a bulked-up Ethan Embry plays a narcissistic, ex-military piece of shit scumbag for what it is worth.  The story tries to make the concept interesting of a woman overcoming, well, being a woman in order to survive and then turning into a badass, but the presentation is enormously hokey and amatuerish.

H.P. LOVECRAFT'S DREAMS IN THE WITCH-HOUSE
(2005)
Dir - Stuart Gordon
Overall: GOOD

Stuart Gordon returns to his usual source of inspiration for what would be the final time in his career, yet again adapting H.P. Lovecraft with Dreams in the Witch-House.  Also working with his frequent screenwriting collaborator Dennis Paoli, it is a typically dark, straightforward work from the director.  Though it minimizes the schlock to a significant degree, there is a human-faced rat that is equal parts amusing and alarming during its appearances.  Elsewhere, there are boobs and blood and in typical Lovecraftian fashion, the main protagonist Walter Gilman, (Ezra Godden standing in for Jeffrey Combs who would have worked perfectly here if the film was made two decades earlier), ends up in a padded cell with no one believing his otherworldly tale.  It is low on surprises, but high on fun and genre-pandering atmosphere.

DANCE OF THE DEAD
(2005)
Dir - Tobe Hooper
Overall: WOOF

The penultimate work from Tobe "No subtlety anywhere to be found" Hooper sadly continues his wretchedly schlocky stock and trade.  Though Dance of the Dead was scripted by Richard Matheson's son and based off of one of his own short stories, its dialog is wretchedly abysmal and good luck knowing or caring about much of what is even going on.  Hooper's frenzied, loud, ugly, heavy metal B-movie directorial approach absolutely does not help though.  Besides Robert Englund hamming it up as naturally as ever, the film's villains are pathetic versions of Near Dark's vampires, replacing any charm or menace with obnoxious, "I'm a badass/fuck you cunt!" line readings and mannerisms.  Throw in a stock, industrial score from Billy Corgan of all people and crap digital effects and it is a trainwreck best left utterly ignored.

JENIFER
(2005)
Dir - Dario Argento
Overall: MEH

By 2004, Dario Argento was hardly turning out masterpieces anymore and his first Masters of Horror entry Jenifer explicitly proves this.  Adapted by actor Steven Weber from a 1974 Creepy story by Bruce Jones and legendary illustrator Bernie Wrightson, it is consistently lame-brained and unintentionally comedic.  The plotting is haphazard, the dialog is as embarrassing as the performances, Goblin mainman and frequent Argento collaborator Claudio Simonetti's score is whimsical instead of menacing, and the cheap presentation reeks of television movie production values.  Argento crams in a fair amount of sleaze and uncomfortable gore, but he cannot properly compensate for the pedestrian look which is miles and miles away from his stylistic, vibrantly nightmarish heyday.  It is not bad enough to be insulting, but it is...pretty bad.

2010's Robert Morgan Shorts

BOBBY YEAH

(2011)

Overall: GOOD

Robert Morgan's first film for a new decade and longest up until that point, Bobby Yeah continues his usual themes of purposely disturbing looking, amorphous creatures interacting without dialog and conveying pure emotion to the viewer.  The fleshy, indistinguishable hybrid of beings present this round all have holes for other stringy, tentacle manifestations to spew out of and there are indeed prominent sexual overtones throughout.  Impulsiveness seems to continually lead to reproduction of an increasingly bizarre and grotesque nature.  Things are never all, well, one thing though in Morgan's work.  The pink, angora walls of one location juxtapose against the cold, dark, and blue interior of another and the same goes for every character we meet who often seem adorable and uncomfortably repulsive all at once.

INVOCATION

(2013)

Overall: GOOD

 

As part of Channel 4's Random Acts series, Robert Morgan's Invocation is another combination of live action and stop-motion animation as the 2007 version of The Cat with Hands was.  After spending three years working on the proceeding Bobby Yeah, Morgan dished out its follow-up relatively quickly and more carefree.  At a mere three-minutes, it is rather on the nose and as close to autobiographical as Morgan's darkly macabre and surreal would allow.  A stop-motion animator readies his shoot with a teddy bear when he accidentally pricks his finger and gets blood in the camera.  From there, things go in a typically fleshy, birthy, and violent direction.  Void of more deeper subtext this time, it is something more on the "lighthearted" side; just some ghastly, horror eye-candy fun really.

BELIAL'S DREAM

(2017)

Overall: GOOD

 

Commissioned as part of the Celluloid Screams festival in Sheffield, England, Belial's Dream as any Frank Henenlotter fan could guess does in fact feature said creature from Basket Case fame.  It is not necessarily a sequel; more a loving little ode to one of the strangest horror comedy franchises there is.  As the title would suggest, we get a glimpse into Belial's dreams/nightmares and it goes about as disturbingly as one would expect.  He licks his lips at a fleshy, amorphous thing with red satin panties on, (an nod to the first film), sits on his fleshy Aunt's lap, and gets haunted by a fleshy tentacle version of his "normal" brother Duane taunting him for being a freak.  Robert Morgan thankfully attains Belial's skin-crawling screams and the overall design work thankfully fits right in with the animator's usual dark, surreal shtick.

2020 Horror Part Three

HIS HOUSE

Dir - Remi Weekes
Overall: GOOD

A promising debut from British filmmaker Remi Weekes, His House showcases a few unique ideas while playing it safe in other areas.  Technically a haunted house film, centering it on a refugee couple from South Sudan besieged by malevolent, mystical forces from their homeland, the cultural elements give it a promising spin.  The tired and played-out horror formula is tweaked in a few instances to great effect, though elsewhere, relentless music, ghoulish visuals, and predictable jumps undermine these more refreshingly creepy moments.  Thankfully, there is a far greater emphasis on how overwhelming guilt eats away at those in severe desperation, which serves as the traumatic heart of the movie's horror in the first place.  The two lead performances by Wunmi Mosaku and Sope Dirisu are superb and without them and such a powerful, emotional backbone to the proceedings, the movie's more genre-pandering visuals and beats could have become too distracting.  What is strong here is not only quite strong, but ultimately more important than what is not.

 

UNDERWATER

Dir - William Eubank

Overall: MEH

The third feature from cinematographer turned director William Eubank is also notable as the last film ever to be released under the 20th Century Fox label after Disney acquired the company and changed it to 20th Century Studios a week following its release.  While this technically gives Underwater some historical importance, the movie itself is anything but memorable.  Tailor-made to check off every "crew besieged by an unknown monster while trying to survive" trope that there has ever been, there are so many other works that many elements here can be traced back to that it is a rather a futile chore to list them here.  We have all seen this kind of stuff before.  The underwhelming, derivative nature aside, Underwater also suffers from frequently muffled dialog, confusing editing, and forcefully gritty and disorienting camerawork that puts the viewer at a complete loss as to what is going on during many would-be tense set pieces.  Throw in a gang of characters that are exclusively underdeveloped, incessantly obnoxious and predictable jump scares, and unnatural CGI and that does not really leave a whole lot else to recommend.  That is unless you are simply a fan of watching Kristen Stewart run around wet and bleeding in her underwear a lot.

 

THE DARK AND THE WICKED

Dir - Bryan Bertino

Overall: MEH

The latest from writer/director Bryan Bertino, (The Strangers, The Monster), is a very brooding, slow-boil examination of malicious dread, which in and of itself is not a bad thing.  The Dark and the Wicked's tone is consistently miserable without a solitary moment of humor and this suites the story where characters continually succumb to hopelessness.  What does not suite the movie itself is how relentless cliches bombard each other for screen time, each one taking more and more away from its intended, affecting impact.  The soundtrack is particularly determined; barely a scene is allowed to breath in any semblance of verisimilitude as the creepy music is incessantly driving the viewers emotions, never once allowing them to forget that they are watching a by-the-books horror movie.  None of the supernatural components are given any semblance of purpose as they are only there to provide a hefty quota of arbitrary creepy stuff for the utter sake of such a thing.  In the process, it all comes off thoroughly predictable and even grating after awhile.  For something so dour and hyper-focused on evoking an emotional reaction, it is a shame that it takes zero chances in its presentation and relies so unflinchingly heavy on banal conventions.

2020 Horror Part Two

POSSESSOR

Dir - Brandon Cronenberg

Overall: GOOD

 

Like Antiviral before it, Brandon Cronenberg's sophomore effort Possessor unabashedly channels the work of his famous father while simultaneously helping to carve out an impressive niche for himself.  More ambitious, more violent, and more savagely unnerving than his debut, Possessor is equal parts Black Mirror, The Matrix, Inception, and the good ole Cronenberg body horror stock and trade.  While various points of origin are noticeable, these elements are fused uniquely due to a confident vision.  Like most good, challenging science fiction, the film showcases the dark, humanity sucking consequences of technological advancement.  The world seems both polished and high end, yet also lived in.  Visually, its bloodshed and nightmarish glitches are as vibrant as they are deeply disturbing.  The two leads in Andrea Riseborough and Christopher Abbott, (the latter of whom pulls an even more impressive dual role of sorts), bring a cold, emotionally challenged undercurrent to the movie's central theme of human alienation and detachment.  While the gore factor is cranked up considerably even by modern standards and moments of cheerful uplifting are none to be found, it is an excellent work for those looking to have their buttons psychologically pushed.

 

HOST

Dir - Rob Savage
Overall: MEH

If one were to be generous, Rob Savage's COVID-19 quarantine inspired Host could be seen as the found footage equivalent to gas station food.  It provides absolutely zero essential nourishment, but if you are in a jam and do not feel like putting any effort into resisting the urge to indulge in sodium and sugar loaded garbage for the mere immediate thrill of it, then go crazy.  On paper, Host has an interesting set up.  Filmed in 2020, post-pandemic and based on a YouTube short that he posted shortly beforehand, Savage seems to have found a clever way around making a movie in such an environment.  If everyone cannot safely be around each other on a film set, why not just shoot it on Zoom?  The movie's inventiveness unfortunately begins and ends there as it is a gross, criminally insulting barrage of found footage cliches all across the board.  At only fifty-six minutes in length, it seems to pack just as many jump scares into it and no explanation is remotely bothered with in giving several people a reason to not even think of calling the cops while walking around terrified with laptops and no lights on so we can all see spooky stuff happening.  Props for giving such an idea a try and besides its forgivable running time and one or two "Yeah that's somewhat creepy" beats, it is the same shit, different found footage movie.

ALIVE

Dir - Cho Il-hyung
Overall: GOOD

Yet another contemporary South Korean zombie film, director Cho Il-hyung's debut Alive is as strong of an entry into the over-saturated sub-genre as can be.  Being rather potent for the time by arriving in a real life COVID-19 pandemic and utilizing the gimmick of people told to stay in their homes during a flesh-eating corpse outbreak, it carries some immediate, topical weight that otherwise would be lacking if the film arrived just a handful of months earlier.  The moments of frenzied, zombie mayhem are routinely boring and go the same routes as the boatloads of other such movies that have been churned out over the last few decades, but the film wisely does not make such things its primary focus.  Instead, most of the time is spent on its very small number of uninfected characters, examining the traumatic coping mechanisms of people shut off from society and trying desperately to find the emotional strength needed to survive.  The film is intentionally funny at times and such scenes never seem out of place under the serious, heartfelt ones.  Best of all, it is also legitimately hopeful, which is a welcome change from the more dour tone many movies of such ilk often take.

2020 Horror Part One

RELIC

Dir - Natalie Erika James

Overall: MEH

 

A great deal of symbolism is at play in Natalie Erika James' full-length debut Relic; a grim, slow-boil dissension into the deteriorating mental and emotional strain of losing a loved one to time.  Such symbolism is pretty on the nose.  Black mold appears on both the interior of a house and the body of an elderly woman, each representing the disintegration of their physical forms.  The fact that each are deeply connected to memories and their loved ones, the metaphor is hardly ambiguous.  James makes an all too common error though which is how the movie leans too heavily on derivative, unengaging horror tropes.  Its structure is very textbook, unfolding gradually with increasingly more sinister moments building to a tense conclusion.  There are monsters creeping under beds or visible to the audience but not the characters, hidden, looping, bizarro-world dimensions being uncovered, characters standing emotionless and hurting/peeing themselves, jump scares, and several very concerning supernatural occurrences taking place that none of the characters mention to anyone and just shrug off and deal with.  It is effective in its poignancy, but delivers very little everywhere else.

THE INVISIBLE MAN
Dir - Leigh Whannell
Overall: MEH

After multiple botched attempts to make a Universal monsters cinematic universe, (one of Hollywood's most bonehead ideas in recent times), such a concept has at least been temporarily abandoned in the wake of the Universal/Blumhouse co-production The Invisible Man which is a stand alone story.  The first issue is in the fact that it is called The Invisible Man.  Besides there being such a man and that his last name is Griffin, literally no other similarities between this and H.G. Wells source material exist.  Meaning the only reason it is called this is because it is an existing property.  Complaining about major studios not investing money on original content void of all brand recognition is a futile exercise though so, moving on.  Directed by frequent James Wan collaborator Leigh Whannell, it is modern day horror all the way through, down to the muted color tones, swelling noise on the soundtrack leading into dead silence at the beginning, a plot twist, plenty of jump scares, and a pacing that moves too quick to fix all of its plot inconsistencies.  There are plenty of other even older cliches thrown into the mix and at its core, the film is another tale of a woman made to look crazy in a horror movie, except this time through the veil of a narcissistic, stalking control freak.  The premise is acceptable, but the entire film drains all of its mileage from it and in the process, it not only falls apart under a microscope, but its bombardment of familiar tropes and rehashed modern sensibilities do not elevate it above that premise.

 

YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT

Dir - David Koepp

Overall: MEH

 

The latest genre offering from prolific screenwriter/occasional director David Koepp You Should Have Left once again finds him working with a now-looking-his-sixty-two-years-of-age Kevin Bacon, also joined by Amanda Seyfried who is literally almost half said age.  At least such a usual, glossed-over Hollywood double standard of the elderly leading man paired romantically with a still young and wrinkle-free leading lady is addressed in the actual story itself which is an adaptation of Daniel Kehlman's novel of the same name.  As far as the resulting foray into supernatural horror, it is a typical example of a sturdy enough premise bogged down predictably by a terribly tripe presentation.  Numerous jump scares, a lack of rules established for the arbitrarily spooky set pieces that transpire, a whispering kid, nightmare sequences that every character jumps straight up in bed out of, the ole "We just spent hours walking away from this house that makes us feel trapped only to arrive right back at it" plot point, the ole "Person moves but their reflection doesn't move with them" gag, unnecessarily cryptic and rude locals, an ending where characters make utterly moronic decisions as an only means to move things to their heightened conclusion, etc.  It is a shame as Bacon and Seyfried do an admirable job as a doomed couple and themes of all-consuming guilt manifesting themselves horrifically would be so much more engaging if a far less pedestrian execution was utilized.

2019 Horror Part Eight

BLISS

Dir - Joe Begos

Overall: GOOD

The second of three films to be released in the last four years titled Bliss is another in a stream of horror entries for filmmaker Joe Begos.  Though its protagonist is detrimentally unlikable, (not the performance from Dora Madison but the character herself), and it is rather difficult if not outright impossible to feel sympathy for anyone else on screen either, the movie gets by with a heaping amount of style.  Seedy, sleazy, coked-out, and ultra-violent, it takes a uniquely over the top approach to its subject matter of the abandonment of the soul through barbaric drug use and artistic frustration.  By using such things as mounted cameras, striking and dark purples, reds, and blues, seizure-inducing editing, surreal visuals, and a soundtrack that blends doom metal, punk rock, retro 80s horror synths, Eric Clapton-esque Lethal Weapon guitar solos, and eerie atmospherics, it is consistently feverish.  Since it is low on actual story, unfortunately it becomes one-note after awhile with people screaming the word "Fuck" every three seconds and spastic, loud, gooey blood spewing everywhere.  That said, such extremities do enhance the mania and it works as a grandiose nightmare above anything else.

 

SAINT MAUD

Dir - Rose Glass

Overall: GOOD

Another in a current line of powerful, challenging, intellectually potent debut horror films being made, British writer/director Rose Glass' Saint Maud takes a highly atmospheric approach to a story centered around the co-existence of religious fanaticism and schizophrenia.  From the slow, opening shot and unsettling, ambient sound design, Glass structures a simmering, dreadful mood.  Spending the entire movie in the very disturbed psyche of the title character, (played fantastically by Welsh actress Morfydd Clark), who narrates her direct communication with god, things become increasingly concerning as the tole and struggles of her self-maintained, nomadic lifestyle grows disturbingly unhinged.  The conservatively used horror genre tactics almost seem unnecessary not just because Glass hardly bothers with them in the first place, but also because the psychological aspects unfold very slowly and offer up a far more eerie picture than one or two creepy CGI face morphs or loud jolts on the soundtrack.  The story is clear cut enough that there is not much to decipher as far as what is real or not, but as a character study for such ominous neurosis, it is quite fascinating and artfully done.

READY OR NOT

Dir - Matt Bettinelli-Olpin/Tyler Gillett

Overall: GOOD

The team of Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett from Radio Silence fame comparatively improve upon their full-length, rather lousy debut Devil's Due with Ready or Not.  While the script from Guy Busick and R. Christopher Murphy is not the tightest in the world and some of the humor does not quite land, it has a goofy charm that carries it through most of the way.  The premise, though flimsy, does lend itself to some amusing, violent mayhem due to the filmmakers and cast not taking anything very seriously.  As the movie's version of a final girl of sorts, Samara Weaving is charming and sympathetic, which is necessary to make the rest of the film's flaws more forgiving.  Just when things seems to get too darkly serious and emotional, Bettinelli-Olpin and Gillett usually find a way to swing it all back around, never completely losing the objective to take the piss out of upper-class self-importance and "tradition and family over everything" type nonsensical thinking.  As a whole, it is certainly imperfect, but the multitude of clever moments that hit their mark are probably enough in number to suffice.