(1968)
Overall: WOOF
Another wart on the already wart-filled filmography of self-described "schlockmeister" Larry Buchanan, Curse of the Swamp Creature may be hist most unwatchable effort, at least amongst his quasi-horror cheapies. As opposed to the American International Pictures remakes that he was tasked with doing at the time for the small screen, this one was Buchanan and screenwriter Tony Houston's own concoction, and the final product is that much worse because of it. We get some occasional stock footage of alligators devouring people in a swamp, (even though Jeff Alexander's mad scientist throws them into what is clearly a swimming pool), some voodoo ceremonies that just look like local American folks hanging out in a forest preserve, and the creature of the title neither comes from the swamp nor even appears on camera until the last four and a half minutes. The rest of the movies, (as one could guess), is unprofessional actors either standing or sitting in rooms, either taking or arguing with each other, and either performed with scenery-chewing gusto or in as wooden of a manner as possible. It is difficult to stomach even the opening scene before the title appears on screen, let alone all eighty minutes of such a dud, making this something so wretched that even the most self-hating completes would be well-advised to ignore.
(1968)
Overall: MEH
The film that inspired everyone from Frank Zappa, to MARRS' "Pump Up the Volume", to Rob Zombie to pay homage and/or sample the title line spoken from its opening scene, Mars Needs Women at least has the distinction of being one of Larry Buchanan's more well-known crud rocks. Writing, directing, and producing here after getting the green light from AIP's Jim Nicholson based on the title alone, Buchanan scored Yvonne Craig right smack in the middle of her run as Batgirl on ABC's Batman, as well as former Disney child star Tommy Kirk in the lead. While the movie utilizes stock footage, low-rent location shooting, various unknown actors, stock music playing uninterrupted, and the usual sci-fi B-movie staple of padding the running time with Caucasian actors walking around, looking at things, and talking about the impending alien takeover while standing or sitting in rooms, it has a goofy enough premise to keep viewer's occasionally chuckling if they can keep their eyes open long enough as to not fall asleep. The movie also comes equipped with an unintentionally awkward tone that seems to be taking itself seriously against its better judgement, especially where the performances are concerned which play it continuously straight instead of leaning into the production's unavoidable camp value.
(1968)
Overall: MEH
This remake of Edward L. Cahn's The She Creature falls in line with the other D-rent, made-for-television ones that director/producer Larry Buchanan made for American International Pictures. Shot in his native Dallas, Texas once again with mostly unknown local actors plus a few with actual resumes, (Les Tremayne and Aron Kincaid in this case), one of the interesting aspects of these movies is that the "stars" turn in performances that are on par with the rest of the inexperienced cast. Due to the crap budget, Creature of Destruction proves to be a misleading title since we only get a few scat shots of said creature, which is a saving grace since the cheap gill-man suit with its ping-pong ball eyes looks as convincing as it sounds. In place of any monster action, the film focuses almost exclusively on Tremayne's hypnotism act, his sleazy business partner that is hellbent on exploiting him, and said business partner's soon-to-be son in law who is a military man and professional skeptic that is trying to break Pat Delaney from Tremayne's spell. Buchanan's pacing skills are as wretched as ever, but at least the source material is more interesting than anything which he could have come up with on his own. Depending on the viewer, it is either a plus or a major minus that rockabilly singer Scotty McKay gets a few beach party musical numbers, one of which is called "Here Comes Batman" for reasons that only the god's can known.
(1969)
Overall: MEH
The words "cheap", "pathetic", "boring", and "embarrassing" are suitable to describe any of Larry Buchanan's B-movies, his final effort from the 1960s It's Alive! fitting the well-established mold as "good" as any that came before it. Not to be confused with Larry Cohen's also not good yet at least competent 1974 film of the same name, this one has another infamous monster that wears a recycled gill-man suit from the previous year's Creature of Destruction, once again only given about forty-eight seconds of screen time. Tommy Kirk makes another appearance that he would regret in a Buchanan production, trying way too hard in something that no one on screen should be taking seriously. In fact, every performer gives the material a solid go, which would be enduring if one did not feel so bad for them. Worse yet is that the film hardly requires a monster in the first place, since the basic premise has Bill Thurman's schlubby redneck kidnapping and psychologically torturing a woman for days on end, only to throw some more people down a cave while cackling wildly. This would be enough for a D-grade exploitation feature, even if the plot is riddled with holes since every one of Thurman's victims have laughably easy means of escaping before some of them finally do.
No comments:
Post a Comment