2023 Horror Part Four

MALUM

Dir - Anthony DiBlasi

Overall: WOOF

For some asinine reason that only the gods can understand, modern day schlock-peddler Anthony DiBlasi decided to remake his own Last Shift a mere nine years later as Malum; a movie that seems hellbent on breaking the viewer with more obnoxious cliches than seemingly possible.  Filmmakers having another go at one of their own properties, (usually a short or a student film), with an enhanced budget or something is reasonable enough, as are remakes done by a new crop of people decades after the fact on a property that they were not initially involved with.  Also, redoing a terrible horror movie with potential to NOT be terrible is a noble effort, yet this particular dung heap is both baffling in its very existence and even more awful than its predecessor.  The stock scary music only stops in order to predictably announce a jump scare, characters are both morons and assholes, the performances should provide a highlight reel for aggressive over-acting 101, the story excuses a bombardment of derivative occult nonsense and pedestrian drama to play out as arbitrary hallucinations, and it would all be accidentally hilarious if not for how insultingly cheap, lazy, and pointless it is.  In other words, this is a top contender for the worst horror movie of 2023.

PERPETRATOR

Dir - Jennifer Reeder

Overall: GOOD

 

In the spirit of John Fawcett and Karen Walton's blossoming womanhood-via lycanthropy, teen-angst gem Ginger Snaps, Jennifer Reeder's Perpetrator takes a more unique route on coming-of-age feminism that is equal parts monstrous and empowering.  Stylistically, it is a performative head-scratcher, with bizarre humor, wildly unnatural performances, and an opaque tone that frustrates as much as it entices.  Whatever the hell "monster" that Reeder has envisioned here is a hilariously strange concoction of empath, vampire, and shapeshifter whose bubbling blood, (rather menstrual or spewing from gaping wounds), literally opens up to a bottomless pit which is apparently just one of many superpowers that such special ladies can unleash against unwholesome forces.  The cast is highlight worthy, particularly Kiah McKirnan in the lead, (playing a young woman eleven years younger than her actual self, but who is counting?), Alicia Silverstone as her delightfully quirky and mysterious Aunt, and Chris Lowell as a batshit wacky school principal.  It all makes for a fascinating watch that is heavy on goofiness, which is something that makes its more icky and disturbing aspects easier to swallow if not at all easier to understand.

 

THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER

Dir - André Øvredal

Overall: MEH

 

Lingering in development hell for two decades, The Last Voyage of the Demeter finally emerged, (or set sail as it were), with André Øvredal at the helm, (alright, enough with the puns), working from a screenplay from more than half a dozen screenwriters ultimately contributing drafts and ideas to Bragi Schut Jr.'s initial pitch.  Said pitch was Alien on a boat via Bram Stoker's Dracula and the resulting movie lives up to such a premise even if it is unremarkable and formulaic in its execution.  Cliches abound where everything is portrayed with a limited color pallet, (various browns and grays in this case), the creature makes obnoxiously stock screechy noises, everyone is allowed to deliver schlocky monologues uninterrupted, all of the characters have adequate amounts of filth on their face at all times because no movie set before World War II is ever allowed to showcase the results of bathing, and it has a lush, digital sheen to it despite the abundance of period set grime.  Ignoring all of the derivative and unimaginative production aspects, horror and specifically Dracula fans may get a kick out of the hyper-focus on but one aspect of Stoker's initial novel, plus some of the familiar vampire motifs are done in an impressively brutal manner.  It ultimately fails to elevate its well-worn-out material though, either because of or in spite of the fact that it takes itself too seriously on its predictable trek.