(1973)
Dir - Robert Totten
Overall: MEH
This installment of The Wonderful World of Disney anthology series of TV movies merely teases at being in the horror camp. Instead, Mystery in Dracula's Castle concerns a gang of kids who are making their own vampire movie, only to run into some jewel thieves that are hanging out at their lighthouse shooting location. Not only is there no Dracula, there is also no mystery and no castle. Cutesy and non-threatening, the lack of monsters or any supernatural elements will likely displease anyone coming into the proceedings based on either the title or the fact that as kid-friendly as Disney has always been, they did produce a number of notable horror cartoons as frequently featured in their Disney's Halloween Treat specials throughout the years. A couple of friendly faces show up, (including Clu Gulager and John Fiedler), a dog that survives gets a lot of screen time, and the monster movie kids are not too annoying, all things considered. Still, the stakes are too low for anyone to give a shit about anything going on here and the wacky high-jinks are worth more of a yawn than a chuckle.
(1975)
Dir - Joe Wiezycki
Overall: WOOF
Christ, whoever thought that Satanism could be so fucking boring? If Florida was "good" at anything during the 1970s, it was churning out unwatchably lame exploitation junk heaps and Satan's Children is as unwatchable as junk heaps get. Directed by Joe Wiezycki with the type of enthusiasm that comatose human vegetables would find lifeless, it plays almost entirely with no musical score, flat wide shots, and actors who look like they are either on antidepressants or just miserable being in front of the camera. The story itself is as downtrodden as the viewing experience is not entertaining. It concerns an unlikeable asshole who runs away from his even more unlikable father and sister, only to get raped by a bunch of men and then dumped where a commune of hippy Satanists do things like act fatigued, argue, sway around while praising Lucifer, punish each other for having homosexual thoughts, and listen to what some also lazy looking asshole named Simon says. The good news is that Wiezycki never made another movie again so at least we were sparred further abominations of his particular brand of no-effort garbage-peddling.
(1978)
Dir - John Florea/Gene Fowler Jr./Arthur C. Pierce
Overall: MEH
The last movie from veteran B-filmmakers Gene Fowler Jr. and Arthur C. Pierce, (at least in an uncredited capacity since John Florea got the official director title), The Astral Factor, (The Astral Fiend, Invisible Strangler), has a slew of familiar faces on board and a hilariously terrible poster, but the sensational premise is undermined by an idling presentation. It was re-edited and re-released straight to video in the mid-80s in a version that mercifully cut ten minutes out; ten minutes that were not missed. Frank Ashmore miraculously learns how to astral project, turn himself invisible, and electroshock people with his eyes or something by means that are never properly explained, and he goes on a killing spree after escaping from prison, targeting various ladies who tattled on him. Robert Foxworth is the detective who is tasked with taking Ashmore down and he does this by having snooze-worthy conversations with every other actor on screen, resulting in an aimlessly lifeless watch. Because Ashmore's bad guy has the power to not be seen, well, we hardly see him anywhere except in a couple of flashbacks and melodramatic mugging shots where he confronts his mommy issues. The whole thing ends with Foxworth firing a machine gun wildly inside of a house, followed by some abysmal special effects that send Ashmore off into some ether dimension, but most viewers will probably have given up long before this.
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