Dir - Ted Geoghegan
Overall: MEH
Once again we have another throwback horror outing, this one acting as the directorial debut from usual writer/producer Ted Goeghegan. It is a bummer that the results are about what can be expected from a film whose primary purpose is to be as un-original as possible. This is exactly the same "family from the city moves into a creepy haunted house, the townsfolk are suspicious and weird, and a psychic throws a seance" stuff that has been done so many times that if you started watching every movie with the same premise, you would probably live until you were ninety without seeing all of them. The filmmakers here seem to be enjoying themselves making an ode to familiarity, but this is nostalgia for nostalgia's sake. It suffers additionally from some truly bad performances from nearly all of the cast. B-movie scream queens Barbara Crampton and Lisa Marie are as flat as they ever were in the non-chest department and the male actors do not fare much better. Ultimately, Geoghegan and his on/off-screen crew deliberately offer up something akin to a direct-to-video, small budget schlock-fest that also takes itself seriously and grimly enough to mentally check out the audience entirely.
Dir - Henry Hobson
Overall: GOOD
On paper, the appeal to Maggie falls on two words: Schwarzenegger and zombies. Despite what such details would suggest though, this is not loaded with bombastic action and CGI, but is instead a small budget, indie film. It focuses solely on one lone zombie trope, namely the heartbreak of watching a loved one succumb to becoming a flesh-eating corpse. First time filmmaker Henry Hobson utilizes trendy, heavily filtered, intentionally out of focus photography and handheld camera work which provides a level of intimacy that is wholly appropriate. Casting the generally-limited Schwarzenegger may seem counter-intuitive to say the least, but with such a very against-type role, the former Govenator is surprisingly effective. In such a low-key and dramatic setting, none of his ham-fisted, scenery-chewing mannerisms are anywhere to be found and his performance is on par with the rest of the admirable cast. With such zombie over-saturation spanning multiple medias, this is overall a welcome departure that justifies its existence by working quite outside the norm for such things.
Dir - Guillermo del Toro
Overall: MEH
To not mince words, this is easily the most disappointing Guillermo del Toro movie. There are positives here that can be said about every other work from the filmmaker, which is to say that much of the visual presentation is gorgeous. Excellent cinematography, perfectly lit and centered Shining-esque shots, wonderful wardrobes, and everyone is strikingly proper looking. The CGI on the other hand is surprisingly awful, with bloody ghosts looking like Who Framed Roger Rabbit? cartoons. Bigger problems exist elsewhere though. As another throw-back, (this one intentionally to Gothic horror of the Hammer variety), it suffers by being terribly dull and predictable. The performances also are very run of the mill; everyone is oddly boring. This is all very confusing coming from del Toro who has always been fantastic at creating convincing characters and engaging stories, as a top priority mind you over the boo scares. Speaking of those, the film makes some of the most cliched, obvious, and obnoxious use of them. One early scene that was maybe forty-five seconds long had no joke about five separate jump scares. Considering that the rest of the movie is unremarkable at best, del Toro has simply set the bar too high before which regrettably constitutes this one as a failure.
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