2000's American Horror Part Thirty-One

THE ATTIC EXPEDITIONS
(2001)
Dir - Jeremy Kasten
Overall: WOOF

 

Both staggeringly incomprehensible and boring, The Attic Expeditions, (Horror in the Attic), is a nightmare to sit through, despite the inclusion of Jeffrey Combs, Seth Green, Ted Raimi, Wendy Robie, and even Alice Cooper in a completely random cameo not playing himself for a change.  Initially planned to be the forth entry in the Witchcraft series, the project was ultimately reworked into its own ill-conceived thing, with editor Jeremy Kasten jumping at the chance to make this his directorial debut.  Deliberately plotted to be head-trip into a kind-of-insane-asylum patient's mind, it is played straight besides the fact that is is also laughably convoluted and only grows more frustratingly nonsensical as it goes on.  Andras Jones is a daft choice in the lead as he lacks any and all charisma, which is something that hardly helps the viewer to gain interest in whatever cockamamie scenario he seems to be in.  It all has something to do with Combs conducting an experiment with other actors who are all pretending to be either patients or doctors in an institution in order to garnish some sort of black magic secrets from Jones' protagonist; secretes that are locked in a chest in the attic.  Whatever.

CONSTANTINE
(2005)
Dir - Francis Lawrence
Overall: GOOD

An unfaithful yet enjoyable adaptation of DCs Hellblazer series, Constantine gets by on its stylized popcorn-munching aesthetic and plenty of end of days, Biblical mysticism details.  Several years in development, creator Alan Moore removed himself from the project as he is wont to do, which is fitting in that screenwriters Kevin Brodbi and Frank Cappello make-up much of their own nonsense anyway, loosely utilizing aspects from Garth Ennis' "Dangerous Habits" arc while cherry picking elements from others.  Yet another variation of the "birth of the Anti-Christ" motif which is an age-old one for horror films, this time there are fun magical rituals to be abused and supernatural rules to be broken, all with A-lister Keanu Reeves in well-suited, brooding, unwilling world savior form.  A far cry visually from the "Sting with a beige trench-coat" look of the character and minus the British accent, (Reeves not making that mistake again), he still nails some of the humorous and rough around the edges cynicism of the chain-smoking occult expert.  Some fine scenery chewing from Gavin Rossdale, Tilda Swinton, Djimon Hounsou, and especially Peter Stormare as the Lord of Darkness Himself are also most welcome.  It ties up enough loose ends to set the stage for a sequel that of this writing is still yet to emerge, but even as a stand-alone comic book movie that plays recklessly with its source material, its charm is appreciated.

THE RUINS

(2008)

Dir - Carter Smith

Overall: MEH

 

For his full-length debut, director Carter Smith collaborated with screenwriter Scott B. Smith on the latter's novel The Ruins; a nasty nature horror outing that plays with the age ole concept of dumb-dumb young adults venturing into a foreign setting that is off the beaten path for a reason.  Here, it is a mysterious Mayan temple that is home to some sort of presumably ancient vegetation that consumes anyone who comes in contact with it, with the extra unsettling angle of it also being able to mimic its victims through flower pedals.  Wisely, Smiths' script spends a limited amount of time setting up its small cast of characters and the bare-bones amount of personal drama between them in order for us to be invested when things begin to go strangely wrong.  This makes it more of a doomed, would-be survival tale than anything else, sparing us a lot of over-played, Romero-styled squabbling amongst everyone on screen as to how they should handle their hopeless predicament.  The CGI effects are used sparingly, yet they are also poorly convincing, with more icky uncomfortableness stemming from the disturbing scenario itself, as well as some eye-wincing gore in the final act.