Monday, November 16, 2015

The Ten Worst Kiss Songs

THE TEN WORST OF KISS

In reality, there's very few Kiss songs I legitimately hate.  Coming from a band with twenty studio albums and four solo albums that's been around for over forty years now, this is saying something impressive.  But it's also just scientific that there's bound to be some crap floating around in that there pile of songs.  And it's also scientific that most of them are not Paul Stanley songs.  Which should go without saying.

Now as opposed to other such "worst" lists that I've done on this blog, none of these entries ignite my anger like a "Firehouse" finale.  After hearing about my 100 favorite list from this band, a fellow Kiss fanatic friend of mine simply decided to rank ALL of their songs from best to worst.  Which is both hilarious and awesome.  And you thought I had tons of free time.  But it got me thinking of what would end up at the bottom of the barrel if I got to choose.

And also thinking about who's fucking idea that Pepsi commercial was.  Probably Gene.  Yeah, I'm going with Gene.

I knew a few such placements automatically, (including my "top" two spots), but otherwise I had to think a little bit more.  Some songs have horrid lyrics but musically are great, (enter every Ace Frehley song ever).  Some aren't bad, but just are overplayed, ("I Love It Loud" comes to mind).  The last three Kiss studio albums to date I've listened to the least and easily contain their weakest material overall.  But even then, it takes some deciphering to separate the simply forgettable from the stuff that really should be horsewhipped.  At least a few lashes.

So this is what I came up with.  A combination of overplayed, undeserving of their popularity Kiss songs and stuff that most Kiss fans and even members of the band themselves probably and logically don't care for.  And if anyone wishes to argue with me on a few, by all means do so, and also remember that I hate with love in this here case.  Kiss at their worst are usually still worth at least an unintentional chuckle.

10.  Mr. Blackwell

You'll notice that most of these choices are here for particularly bad lyrics and the chorus to "Mr. Blackwell" just stinks.  "You're not well for Mr. Blackwell, why don't you go to hell" makes me cringe every time.  But even musically, "Blackwell" is easily the weak spot to Music from "The Elder" which is as great of a Kiss album as Kiss, critics, and idiots think it's not.  The solo is lame, there's a bunch of dead air at various points, and the "riff" just sounds lazy.

9.  I Walk Alone

I've honestly only heard this song I think twice.  This is a simple case of Bruce Kulick simply not being a lead vocalist.  As a guitarist and asset to the band, (especially in the later years and on the album this track stems from, Carnival of Souls), Kulick's importance can't be understated.  He wrote nearly all of this album and has oodles of fantastic guitar solos, including this one.  And generally speaking, he seems to be a very down-to-earth, stand-up guy.  But dude can't really sang is all.

8.  Burn Bitch Burn

This Gene dud has a reputation that's not entirely deserving.  Yeah it's dumb, (ok REALLY dumb), the lyrics are the kinda stuffs that would make feminists burn Gene Simmons at the stake several times over just to make sure he's done, and out of all the Gene-by-numbers moments on every Kiss album in the 80s, "Burn Bitch Burn" explains more than words why Paul always got the singles for most of that decade.  But other hair metal bands have done light years worse at least.  So I'll give it that.

7.  Shout It Out Loud

One of the band's most popular anthems that I used to have no opinion on whatsoever that slowly morphed into a song that just annoys me.  I've heard "Shout It Out Loud" as much if not more than most Kiss songs and I haven't voluntarily listened to it in years.  I at least used to like "Rock and Roll All Nite", but this one never did shit for me.  Now it does less than shit.  A handful of "no Kiss show can end without it" songs I'd gladly permanently remove and this one just about trumps them...

6.  Rock and Roll All Nite

...but then we have THIS one.  As I previously mentioned, "Cock and Balls All Nite" I used to dig.  In fact the live version of this w/Ace solo was the first Kiss song I admitted to digging.  And now it's the last I ever feel like hearing.  Overplayed to the point that I'll never listen to it willingly in my life again, much of what makes it so is not the song's fault per se.  It provided the band with their first hit single which they desperately needed at the time, but it's really not that great of a song.  For this to be the one that everyone knows who've never heard a single other Kiss song is simply not fair.  But eh, whattayagonnado?

5.  Outta This World

I don't particularly dislike Tommy Thayer.  Dude is a consummate professional, can play any Kiss song spot-on by memory alone, and is the perfect yes man to Gene and Paul.  All that said, he's also easily the most boring guitarist the band has ever had.  Hell, at least Mark St. John had a busy-bee style that stood out from every other lead axeman in Kisstory.  Thayer has to date penned zero memorable solos and also zero memorable songs that he's sung on.  "Outta This World" is just dullsville in song form, generic and forgettable, pure and simple.

4.  When Lightning Strikes

And so is this fucking song.  Thayer's first lead vocal contribution to a Kiss album, Sonic Boom's "When Lightning Strikes" is lame for all the same reasons Monster's "Outta This World" is.  But above all else, it offers up perfect justification for any haters out there who are annoyed by Thayer not being allowed to have his own persona.  Both of these songs are nothing more than, "Hey Tommy, you're the Spaceman now so write some songs that the Spaceman would write".  To which Mr. Thayer naturally replied "Sure thing Skip".  Can't blame him really, a pay check is a pay check.  But don't blame me for hitting the skip button every time these songs come on.  Which isn't often mind you.

3.  Hooligan

Ooo, woof.  Even when I was a wee-lad and just getting into Kiss in Jr. High, I couldn't help but notice how crappy "Hooligan" was.  Shit, where to begin?  Many a Peter song has been about growing up in Brooklyn and being, well, a hooligan.  But sometimes autobiographical lyrics don't necessarily equal good.  Sometimes they're terrible.  The words in this song put together are on par with Ace at his worst and that's saying something.  You can pick out almost any line and baffle at it's lame-ness.  "Dropped out of school when I was 22", "Can't even spell my name", "I went down to the candy store, if I had a nickel I'd buy some more", "Won't go to school again".  And it goes on like this.

2.  When You Wish Upon A Star

I counted covers in my 100 Favorite Kiss songs list, so it's only fair that I count them here as well.  Was there ever a person, (Kiss fan or not), who heard Gene Simmon's solo album version of "When You Wish Upon A Star" and didn't immediately make some kind of "Da fuck?" face?  I mean yeah, we can all read it on the track listing but surely none of us REALLY thought Gene just simply did a straight-as-an-arrow, no humor intended at all interpretation of it.  This is basically just a karaoke version of the Disney song, glorious string section and all, with Gene belting out the words.  At which point the Demon officially became less cool than he ever was or would be again.

1.  I Finally Found My Way

Nearly everything about this song is deplorable.  Yes Paul Stanley wrote it, but only under a "Hey I hate playing with Peter and I don't like any of his own songs but fans need a Peter ballad on our reunion album that he's not even playing on, so I'll just toss this one at him" template.  According to Pete, he sang this song originally his way and had no problems with it until Paul insisted he sing each syllable exactly to his own specifications.  According to Paul, Peter sucks so he had to show him how to sing.  Regardless of which scenario rings true, "I Finally Found My Way" is undoubtedly the worst Kiss song of all time.  Psycho Circus in general is oodles of not-good and this song is just the go-to example of all that was ill-advised about it.  You could give it to anybody to sing and it would still stink up the joint something fierce.  Listen for proof at your own risk.

Friday, November 13, 2015

100 FAVORITE KISS SONGS: 20 - 1

20.  Almost Human

It took until the Kiss Kruise became a thing, (where the demand for "Almost Human" to finally get performed live must've been overwhelming), that just such a thing happened at long last.  I have yet to meet a Kiss fan or read a source that doesn't rank this song nearly above all other Gene songs from any era of the band.  And everybody but Kiss themselves seems to be hip to this fact.  "Christine Sixteen" was on Alive II but this wasn't?  Exactly.  I must say that I've never been a fan of Ace's crazy, zig-zagged feedback solo but that's only because literally every other Ace lead in the make-up years is pristinely perfect.  And actually contains notes.  The one here is fitting with the monster theme of the song though, so I'll give it that.

19.  Unholy

Gene's first A-side single in about ten years opens Revenge and came after almost an entire decade of him phoning his songs in for their mandatory inclusion on every Kiss album.  Far more concerned be he at the time in mechanical, acid spewing spiders and being an evil hermaphrodite.  Speaking of evil, "Unholy" personifies the inherent evil in man and was a Vinnie Vincent collaboration, the Ankh Warrior back in the fold to co-write three of the albums songs, all solid ones.  Vinnie may be his own worst enemy in terms of sabotaging his own career and finances, but dude always delivered in the Kiss camp when it came to songwriting.  The results here are easily the best Gene song of all time.

18.  Tears Are Falling

A rare, 80s solo composition from Paul, (who generally tossed around ideas and got some input from Desmond Child or a few other blokes in the decade), "Tears Are Falling" was Asylum's sole single and one of three fantastically hilarious videos made from that album.  I have all three songs from all three of these videos in my top twenty and "Tears" kicks em off.  This has popped up in live settings at various points in the band's career since, but was never that successful of a single in the US as it clearly should've been.  As I've said elsewhere on me blog, Kiss = the best hair metal of all time.  Perhaps this is not saying much, but you are talking to a guy who generally ignores that genre and obviously doesn't ignore any and all things Kiss.

17.  I Want You

Back to the make-up era and specifically Rock and Roll Over, (pretty much unarguably the best out of the first six Kiss albums), with it's lead-off track "I Want You".  Paul got his chance to show off here in a live setting at the end when his call and response interaction with the crowd ushered in many a Paul-gasm.  For this reason, the Alive II version is the one I prefer.  Both Ace and Paul share the lead here again, (Paul taking the first part), and it's collectively as good as ever.  The riffs in this song, (particularly the one underneath that solo), are sick as all hell and this would represent the best non-ballad Kiss song with an acoustic intro.  "Black Diamond" eat your heart out.

16.  Hide Your Heart

"Hide Your Heart's" history is rather goofy for a Kiss song.  Paul, Desmond Child, and Holly Knight, (an Anton Fig/Bill Aucoin connection), wrote it during the Crazy Nights sessions but the song was rejected.  Paul then gave it to a handful of people who gladly snatched it up, Ace Frehley himself on his Trouble Walkin' album.  In just over a year, four people released their own version of "Hide", Ace and Kiss being the last two and both of whom shot a music video for it.  Makes sense because this song is goddamn awesome.  After obviously opening with "Live To Win" when I was at the taping for the One Kiss Live solo Paul DVD, the first Kiss song he played was this one and I soiled myself.  The story of Tito, Johnny, and a gun found the perfect home here.

15.  Let's Put the X In Sex

How this song routinely ends up on "worst Kiss songs" list or even more bafflingly as an example of how Paul Stanley is a terrible lyricist according to a Blender, (toilet paper in magazine form), article that I read once just baffles me to no end.  As does the fact that yet again, every member of Kiss involved at the time is embarrassed by it today.  Fuck that noise.  This song is absolutely brilliant.  And it easily has the best Paul Stanley lyrics in history.  "Then I saw those black laced panties and I knew that it was you" is pure poetry.  Smashes, Thrashes, & Hits was another mostly pointless greatest hits compilation put out in '88, but easily out of the two new songs featured on it, "Let's Put the X In Sex" is the superior.  This is the most hilarious Kiss song and haters need their sense of humor checked for damn sure.

14.  Wouldn't You Like To Know Me

"Wouldn't You Like To Blow Me", in any just world, would've been the biggest hit off any of the Kiss solo albums to the point where Paul could've permanently went solo and continued to churn out gold.  Never released as a single to begin with, this was virtually impossible.  I still have more deep cuts to come, but this one is the highlight to my favorite Kiss album, of course being Paul Stanley.  Both solo tours he undertook had it on the set list and only about a dozen Paul songs, (as you shall see), would be better choices.  Paul admitted the stylistic inspiration for it came from a favorite band of his, The Raspberries, who I've heard OF but not heard.  And I can't imagine them doing anything as good as this.  A perfect pop song with crunchy guitars, it rocks infectiously it does.

13.  Every Time I Look At You

Oddly, one of the very best Kiss guitar solos was performed by a ghost player, Dick Wagner here in this case.  Yeah, power ballad solos somehow by nature are incredibly difficult to fuck up, but still, this one is perfect.  Paul and Bob Ezrin put "Every Time I Look At You" together during the writing sessions for Revenge and it's damn near the quintessential Kiss ballad.  If anyone told me this was the best pussy song they have, I'd argue not a wang.  A non-smoker am I, but I should keep a lighter on my person just for when I listen to this song.  Great "I'm sorry I fucked up, baby" lyrics and a string section that of course has to be there, "Every Time" hits all the marks it's required to and I'd say steals the show on Revenge.  I'm a predictable bloke for always giving the ballads said honor, but what can I say?  I like the sentimental stuffs.

12.  Sure Know Something

Unplugged got another excellent highlight and reworking with the Dynasty track "Sure Know Something".  Mostly due to the guitar lick that Bruce plays near the end which is not to be found on the original song's fade-out.  Both versions can do zero incorrectly though.  Paul wrote this one with Vini Poncia, the Peter Criss producer who worked with the band on many songs at the time.  Gene's bass line here is excellent and all the lead guitar work was handled by Paul, another of his best along with "A World Without Heroes".  Also the "Ooo, ooo, ooo" mellow break is dy-no-mite.  Dynasty sits very snugly in my hearts as one of my absolute favorite Kiss albums, the shiny production, songs, and all.  The make-up era in general has few finer moments than dis one.

11.  Uh! All Night

More hilarious, "everybody get naked and pork each other!" lyrical superbness can be found on Asylum's closer "Uh! All Night".  Like "X In Sex", "Uh!" is just oodles of fun and nothing to take the least bit seriously.  Desmond Child, (naturally), and Jean Beauvor helped co-write the awesome here and the later handles bass and background vocal duties.  The verses and pre-chorus in this one I actually dig more than the also great chorus, which Paul admitted was a "Heavens On Fire Part II" attempt, what with the melody going over the riff exactly the same and being dumb enough to get any crowd singing along to.  Unfortunately, not enough people found this as funny as it was as "Uh!" got the axe live after the Asylum tour, as most of the material from the album likewise did.  I for one would rather uh all night than part every day if I were to choose.

10.  Hard Luck Woman

Along with Asylum, Rock and Roll Over has the most songs in my top twenty up in here and just breaking the top ten as I always assumed it would is the Paul written and Peter sung "Hard Luck Woman".  Or essentially, the only folk rock Kiss song.  Deliberately written for Rod Stewart, Paul put "Luck" together to challenge himself to write something "Maggie May" worthy to offer the famous, British vocalist who likes to know how sexy he truly is.  But, as Kiss felt they needed a follow-up to "Beth" which was quite the hit and because "Hard Luck" turned out so goddamn good, Gene ultimately convinced Paul to hand it over to Peter to sing.  The result I have always thought since the first time I heard it on Double Platinum is the best thing Peter Criss ever sang.  It's also just about the best Kiss song on any of the first six albums, missing distorted guitars be dammed.

9.  All Hell's Breakin' Loose

Paul Stanley laying down one of the earliest raps in a hard rock song is one of two reasons "All Hell's Breakin' Loose" is this high.  The main reason though is that this riff is second to one as the greatest Kiss riff of all time.  I cannot fathom why many a Kiss fan has complained that this is one of the band's most embarrassing and terrible songs.  So far up their own asses be their heads that it baffles me plenty.  Again, having a sense of humor is necessary with "Hell's".  I know all the words to the rap part and smile and/or laugh every time I hear it.  It is clearly tongue-in-cheek so ergo I will choose to laugh WITH the band on this one.  But back to what's important, musically this song just utterly kills.  Eric Carr wrote the music almost entirely or probably on his own, Gene penning most of the lyrics and Paul and Vinnie coming in with some other input, including the song's title.  So it's also a rarity in having the full line-up at the time share writing credit.  Strength in numbers.

8.  Creatures of the Night

The title track to Kiss' 1982 would-be-comeback of sorts album Creatures of the Night was written intentionally as just that; a return to balls rocking awesome.  Paul and Adam Mitchell hammered this one out, (supposedly in the later's kitchen), and it was all meant to slam home that the next Kiss release wasn't gonna be fucking around with any pop or art rock stuffs.  Of course Creatures ended up selling worse than any of the band's albums at that point and the next year saw the make-up come off and garnish them a second wind of relevance.  But long since always, both Kiss and the fans alike have sighted this as arguably the strongest album in their discography and "Creatures" itself kicks things gloriously into gear.  Some of the best drumming and overall heaviness on a Kiss song and as much as I like me some Kiss ballads, I can fully admit when the sole opposite whoops as much if not far more ass.

7.  I Was Made for Lovin' You

Paul Stanley and Desmond Child's first collaboration to make it onto a Kiss album was "I Was Made for Lovin' You", producer Vini Poncia also having a hand in it.  To say this isn't one of the catchiest songs of all time would be something a liar would say.  Gene's bass line, of course the chorus, the four-on-the-floor disco beat, the best falsetto singing Paul would ever do, Ace's brief but killer solo, etc.  You basically have to list everything about it as being excellent.  Kiss 1979 was looking for another hit as any band would be and Paul had hung out at the infamous Studio 54 and marveled at the simplicity and sameness of all the music, particularly how they all were the same tempo as to be segued together seamlessly in a disco setting by a DJ.  Still true today for many a pop tune.  He also recognized that all the songs of the day were about enjoying oneself in the now and "Lovin' You" came about as a natural "let's have a night of bouncy bouncy" anthem.

6.  Keep Me Comin'

Let's have some more deep cuts shall we?  "Keep Me Comin'" is fascinating in that it's ridiculously awesome and noooooobody talks about it.  Played perhaps only one time during the Creatures tour and then dropped permanently, (even in Kiss Kruise form), never showing up on a "greatest Kiss songs list", never mentioned as a highlight to the entirely amazing album it stems from, and pretty much a simple case of Paul and Adam Mitchell again writing it together pretty quickly and making it the final song recorded for Creatures of the Night.  That's about all there is about it.  But fuckin' hell, this riff is THE Kiss riff.  It's no contest in my mind that they have none better and I'd definitely go as far as to rank it in the top ten in the history of all riffs.  Eric Carr's performance is also spectacular as is Paul's, especially during the chorus.  It's only natural that Kiss would have a song with this title as I'm sure we all know goddamn well what he's talking about with the C word.

5.  The Oath

The heaviest Kiss song by light years stems off of their pretentious, ill advised, disastrously selling, and utterly fantastic concept album Music from "The Elder".  Even for 1981, "The Oath" was as heavy as Andre the Giant, galloping power metal that bangs the heads and thrusts the fist like little else of the day.  The Elder has always had a fruity reputation but in actuality, it's a much harder rocking album than either of the two that proceeded it, easily so.  "The Oath" is the obvious, most undeniable example of this but even elsewhere, slamming guitars and drums certainly make a prominent appearance.  Not as much as the following year's Creatures of the Night mind you, but still it's pretty far removed from "Shandi".  Paul does more falsetto than usual on The Elder, this song in particular during the chorus.  One could argue that maybe taking a different vocal approach here could've worked better still, (something Paul himself has said before), but shit King Diamond was coming up at this time in metal history so I say it fits like a glove.  Basically, metal heads who hate Kiss can still retain their punk rock points by liking "The Oath".

4.  Then She Kissed Me

Am I a nutbar for ranking Kiss' cover of The Crystal's "Then He Kissed Me" as the fourth greatest Kiss song of all time?  If so, then I've had a case of the crazies since always because as soon as I owned me a copy of Love Gun, I have always seriously debated as to whether or not this is in fact my ALL TIME favorite Kiss song.  I applaud whosever idea it was to record this, whether it was for the obvious reference of the word "Kiss" in the title, the fact that the band joked around by playing it during sound-checks in and around 1976 as Gene would later say, or if simply Phil Specter came into the studio at the time and held Kiss and Eddie Kramer up at gunpoint as he had the Ramones and made them do it.  The results, (after switching the song's perspective as to not be akin to something the Village People would do), is just greatness in musical form.  My own band covers this and I very subtly suggested we do this exact arrangement, even though my friend sings the original lyrics because A) she's a girl and B) she's not a Kiss fan.  I still consider it a victory that technically in my eyes, we have a Kiss song in our set list.

3.  Makin' Love

My favorite make-up era Kiss song is come with "Makin' Love", Rock and Roll Over's closer.  This was not always the case.  I always dug it, but for well over a decade and a half probably, I really didn't pay it too much additional mind.  Somehow I opened my eyes to the brilliance that was before me and yeah, this tops the original line-up stuffs.  Paul and Sean Delaney yet again penned this one and the lyrics are as straightforward as is cosmically possible.  Kiss having a song called "Makin' Love" is like Kiss having a song called "I Wanna Have Sex with You Because I'm A Horny Rockstar Who Likes to Party".  These riffs though are pristine, the one going into the second verse being one of the heavier moments that rock circa 1976 could possibly offer.  For my wallet contents though, "Makin' Love" has the best ever Ace solo.  And as any admirer of the Spaced One will attest to, there is something to be said to this as Ace's list of memorable moments with a six string are many.

2.  Forever

The only Paul Stanley/Michael Bolton collaboration that ever transpired transpired here with "Forever", a power ballad for the gods.  The two wrote it at a hotel in LA, Bolton having previously been in the band Blackjack with Bruce Kulick who introduced the two.  This was around 1989 so Mr. Everyone's Least Favorite Blue Eyed Soul Singer of All Time was hardly the most hated man in music yet.  The collaboration produced the music and Paul went on to pen the lovey-dovey, optimistic lyrics later on.  Bruce played bass here and it was one of several Hot In the Shade cuts to begin and end life as a released demo more or less.  The lead vocal here destroys, Paul wailing at the top of his range and Bruce's classical guitar solo is easily one of his best.  I have considered this my favorite Kiss song at various points, naturally as it's the best ballad they have and presumably ever will have.  It was also the last Kiss single to chart in the top ten, going to number eight.  Which was a first since "Beth" some thirteen years earlier at the time.

1.  Who Wants to Be Lonely

And here we are, the top spot of Kissdomnesstory.  This isn't surprising to my fellow Kiss friend fans or the few peoples who read my 100 Favorite Songs list that I posted last year as "Who Wants to Be Lonely" was both the highest Kiss entry and in my top ten there.  A favorite of mine since the very first time I watched Kiss Exposed and saw the music video which is more comedically powerful than the "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" one if you could even imagine.  I speak not faint praise good peoples.  Coming from the exact same writing team who brought us that other Asylum jewel "Uh! All Night", "Lonely" I'd say is the best Desmond Child OR Paul Stanley anything song ever, commercial success be not a factor.  This was released as a single in Japan only and didn't do much business and the masterpiece of screaming, bright, steamy, wet, and horny 1980s-ness that was the music video was censored from MTV at the time for being "too risque".  Probably code for being "too awesome" to the point that it'd break the airwaves upon being shown.  Everything about this song from the ridiculously powerful chorus, dumb riffs, and solo just hits me more pleasingly than any other of this band's songs.  Am I the sole Kiss fan on earth who thinks so?  Most likely.  Though perhaps this one will age like a fine wine and someday the masses will bow equally as do I to it's brilliance.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

100 FAVORITE KISS SONGS: 40 - 21

40.  Love Theme from Kiss/Acrobat/Much Too Young

Most Kiss fans are probably aware that the only official, studio released version of "Love Theme from Kiss" was originally part of a much longer jam that went under a few titles depending on the source.  "Acrobat" is the common one for the whole thing, but once the brief vocal section comes in, it's also been known as "Much Too Young".  For whatever reason, (still not entirely known), only the first, slow part of the instrumental was used on Kiss.  But any listen to the full version in live or rehearsal form proves that the other sections kick fucking ass.  This is Kiss at their jammiest and it's a beautiful thang.

39.  Nowhere to Run

The oldest written and recorded "new" Killers track "Nowhere to Run" was put down before the Elder sessions even took place.  So this is basically one of the earliest reactions to the band ditching the pop of Dynasty and Unmasked and returning to heavier, riff based hard rock.  Gene does his credited job of bass duties here, (the only such Killers-only track he's slinging the four string on), and Bob Kulick once again takes care of the solo.  Kiss were fans enough of "Nowhere" to include it on the Kiss Box Set for it's first ever official US release and it was one of two tracks on the Killers comp to get remixed in 1989, Paul always feeling it needed more oomph in the guitar sound department.  This chorus and Paul's high screams are most pleasing.

38.  God Gave Rock 'N' Roll To You II

Kiss only has a few covers floating around in their discography and "God Gave Rock 'N' Roll To You II" nearly destroys them all.  The original Argent song had a different arrangement and verses and was chosen by Interscope Records as a track for Kiss to do for the Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey film.  Bob Ezrin was back on board for the recording and so well went the proceedings that he stuck around to do the entire Revenge album, Kiss' best.  Eric Carr's final involvement on a Kiss track was here providing the fantastic, Beatlesy harmony vocals during the mellow break and Paul's rap at the end is one that at least me and my brother have busted out unprovoked many an occasion.

37.  Rocket Ride

The best Ace Frehley song of any kind that he either wrote, sang, or covered is Alive II's "Rocket Ride".  Never performed by the original line-up live, (and supposedly Gene's never played it at all as he's not on the studio recording), "Ride" was co-written by Sean Delaney during an alcohol fueled session where both he and Ace were giggling like schoolgirls over lines such as "Come on, grab a hold of my rocket!".  As they should.  The riffs, solo, and even Peter's drums are mighty heavy and arse-kicking here.  Nearly every studio track on the last side of Alive II are excellent and this was one showing increasing confidence in Ace's writing abilities as it was the second of his own songs to have him singing on after "Shock Me".

36.  C'Mon and Love Me

The first Kiss song to feature Paul on some lead guitar, the wrongly spelled "C'Mon and Love Me" is a splendid Dressed to Kill moment indeed.  Paul hammered this one out in less than an hour and it's supposedly inspired by a Moody Blues tune.  Along with "Rock and Roll All Nite", "C'Mon" was also shot as a promotional video at the time though neither tore the charts a new asshole when originally unleashed.  And obviously I like this one a lot more than it's unfairly more popular counter single.  "She's good lookin' and she's lookin' like she should be good" also ranks as a pristine Paul lyric, which I would think goes without saying.

35.  Love Gun

There are a very small handful of songs that I approve of Kiss never dropping from their set list since the time they were released and Love Gun's title track is chief among them.  Actually, the Smashes, Thrashes, & Hits re-recording of "Love Gun" is the one I've always found superior, if only for an effect-laden echo effect on the "Gun!" before the guitar solo starts.  Speaking of which, the repeaty lick in said solo is one of Ace's finest moments.  He must be a fan of it as well as this is one of the few songs he had nothing to do with writing-wise that he also routinely plays live in his own solo sets.  It's also impossible for me to be anywhere near a snare drum without playing the main rhythm of the riff on it.

34.  Spit

A Revenge highlight and probably the funnest song on the album with Gene and Paul sharing vocal duties, Bruce playing part of the "Star Spangled Banner" during his solo, and a near-exact Spinal Tap lyric in the form of "The bigger the cushion, the better the pushin'", "Spit" does a whole lot very well.  I could take or leave the patriotic guitar solo, though I get it as an obvious Hendrix nod.  It's always been funny to me that the song clearly should be called "Shit" as the line "It don't mean spit to me!" simply sounds like when people say frick instead of fuck when every man, woman, and child on earth knows they mean the latter.  So if I ever cover this song, "Shit" is what we'll be singing you best believe.
 
33.  She

This ole Gene/Steve Coronel written Wicked Lester track found it's way onto Dressed to Kill as the band at the time had been in the recording studio for the third time in about a year and was somewhat short on songs.  "Lover Her All I Can" was brought in under the same conditions.  The only reason I didn't include the excellent "Let Me Know" from Kiss' debut is because the Alive! version of "She" swipes the very best part of the former song during which Ace shreds arguably the best guitar solo he'd ever play.  I rank one particular one higher, but not by much.  "She" in Alive! form in general I'd say is the best moment on that album and trumps even "Shock Me" as Ace's on-stage highwater mark.

32.  Larger than Life

Rumor's have circulated as to whether or not Peter Criss is behind the kit on Alive II's "Larger than Life" for quite some time and I wouldn't be surprised if such rumors be true.  Even when I was a teenager listening to this song for the first time I thought it sounded a little too Bonham-esque to be the Catman.  Pete generally plays AHEAD of the beat slightly whereas the drums here are weighty and leaned back, creating a hugely heavy pocket for the riffs to sit on.  Eddie Kramer knowing how to produce the shit out of it also certainly helps.  "Larger" is definitely one of Kiss' heaviest songs in any of their eras and nearly the best make-up era Gene song period.

31.  All American Man

No intention had I to put the two best, last side of Alive II songs back-to-back, but shit done happened nevertheless.  For years I had actually forgotten how fucking great Paul's "All American Man" is, more recent listens as of late rectifying my shoddy memory.  It does make sense that Paul of course would dominate the Alive II studio tracks, as is only natural.  Sean Delaney once again gets a song-writing credit here, though he claimed at least one other chap threw in some input when they were all chilling at Paul's apartment one night in '77.  The results regardless represent yet another track where Paul is wailing away about how great his baby making device is and who are we mere mortals to argue with him?

30.  Shandi

The biggest Kiss single in Australia for some reason, "Shandi" still enters the set list down under when the band ventures there and how I wish they'd bust it out more.  Not likely as it's about as un-Kiss as any Kiss has ever been.  But as is obvious and as I've said before, I like non-Kiss sounding Kiss.  "Shandi" features but one member of the band, Paul providing his usual guitar and vocals, Anton Fig doing the drums for the entire Unmasked album as he almost did sans-"Dirty Livin'" on Dynasty, and Paul's guitar tech Tom Harper filling in on bass.  Not counting future power ballads, this is the best pop-Kiss song there is, fruity as a Wham! video and just as delicious.

29.  Mr. Speed

Kiss and sexual innuendo go together like Kiss and kabuki make-up and "Mr. Speed" certainly gives a chuckle or two.  Sean Delaney was on hand to co-write this one as well and Paul says it's about a guy who's so Billy Dee Williams smooth that he can pick up broads *snap* like dat.  Though it's also funny to just think of it as a disillusioned gentleman bragging about being a minute man in bed.  Humorous lyrics aside, "Mr. Speed" has about as good of a riff as a song can have and it's always ranked amongst the Kiss fandom as one of their best album-only cuts.  Putting this in the set list at any time would make the die-hards go all squealing fan girl that's for certain.

28.  Got to Choose

Kiss' sophomore effort Hotter Than Hell kicks off it's excellent batch of songs mixed with the band's all time worst production with "Got to Choose".  This one is Paul's and originally went by the title "Who's Your Baby" which is what the background vocals are singing during the chorus in case you were wondering.  "Choose" ended up on Alive! and as a bonus track on Unplugged, the later version which I'd say is the one to choose.  Why it was merely a bonus track is anyone's guess.  Hell has overall superior songs to the band's first album I'd say and this is damn near the best one to be originally released on it.

27.  Rock and Roll Hell

Gene apparently contributed very little to the Creatures of the Night cut "Rock and Roll Hell", far and away his best moment on the album.  Jim Vallance had co-written it for inclusion on a BTO album when it was originally called "Rock and Roll Nights".  He and Bryan Adams then changed all but the chorus section and offered it along with "War Machine" to Creatures producer Michael James Jackson, at which point Gene insisted he write a verse to it to get some royalty action.  An all too common songwriter trick many hath utilized.  The bass line is also the same as Sabbath's "Heaven and Hell" which pre-dated this recording by two years.  But does who wrote it or what was ripped off diminish it's superbness?  Not a tit does it.

26.  Comin' Home

A song about being on the road and missing your ole lady, (as many a song hath been written about over the decades), the best, most clear case of the Unplugged performance wielding a superior version to an old deep cut is in "Comin' Home".  Originally off Hotter Than Hell and the best song on it, "Comin' Home" kicked off the Unplugged album as well, which goes to show how confident and strong they at that time felt about it.  During the official Kiss Konvention tour that they undertook in the early 90s, the band took fan requests and essentially had to brush up on most all of their catalog.  "Comin' Home's" resurgence most likely stemmed from this brushing as it simply goes over fantastically in it's acoustic setting.

25.  Master & Slave

Released as the second and ultimately last Carnival of Souls single, "Master & Slave" sad face did nothing chart wise, but then again that album barely was promoted to begin with as the reunion tour was far underway at the time.  Much disappointment can be felt that this album missed it's moment, but none of that ultimately matters to me at least as I bump it almost more than any other Kiss release.  Maybe some day it'll get it's due when aliens finally invade us, discover this album, and disregard Destroyer over it, as is appropriate.  But yes, "Master" has a riff from the awesome part of hell that I'd rank in the band's top five most likely.  Paul sings his chest hair off here as well, wailing on the chorus and at least one scream in place of an actual word to end the last verse.  Nearly the finest Carnival cut.

24.  Hate

If the reunion had never happened, Carnival of Soul's opener "Hate" undoubtably would've been put out as a single and would probably be recognized more universally amongst Kiss fans as a solid part two to Revenge's "Unholy".  This is a definitive Gene song and his second in a row to kick off a studio album, thus setting the template for the heaviness that was to come.  The drum groove during that main, ridiculously good riff is the most complex in Kiss' history, Eric Singer utilizing his chops most wonderfully.  Lyrically it's similar to "Unholy" as well, basically embracing man's inner and natural bad side.  But it's mainly that killer riff and the song's overall intention that I'm considering by ranking it so high.  Some mighty fine Gene-ness.

23.  Lover Her All I Can

Peter Criss was one of my earliest drum influences both because I became a Kiss freak at the same time I picked up the sticks seriously and because Pete's style ain't that tricky to get down so I had oodles upon oodles of fun making my way through many a Kiss song in my drummer infancy.  I bring this up because "Lover Her All I Can" I'd reckon is the Catman's best ever performance.  Dressed to Kill in general easily has the finest drum sound of the make-up era and Pete kills it exceptionally on here.  The best Wicked Lester-turned Kiss song, "Love Her" was brought in to bump up the material count on Dressed as was "She" and it's another in a long line of great Kiss riffs and tight songwriting.

22.  It's Alright

Never performed live, (not even in solo Paul tour form), and with little information circulating as to it's origin and creation, "It's Alright" is a studio cut from Paul Stanley that apparently only I cum in my pants over.  This is almost the best song on my favorite Kiss album and if it would've been on Love Gun, the last side of Alive II, or "pick-your-70s-Kiss-album", it likewise would've been a highlight on there.  Paul's solo album in general is widely and accurately regarded as the most Kiss like and "It's Alright" I'd say is the most Kiss like song on it.  Paul was, is, and will always be the band's superior writer, so I'd say calling Paul Stanley exactly what a 1978 Kiss album would sound like a compliment.

21.  Jungle

Though still never played live because Carnival of Souls is one of the most criminally disregarded albums of all time, "Jungle" actually had significant success via the charts, topping "Heaven's On Fire" as the band's biggest single release on the Mainstream Rock Top 40, hitting number eight.  This is also one of the longest studio Kiss cuts at nearly seven minutes long, mostly due to the extended, sexy jam the band partakes of at the end.  A predictable choice as Carnival's best song this most certainly is because christ have you heard it?  Any doofus who thinks Carnival is too derivative of 90s Seattle grunge and too "un-Kiss like" to be worth your time cannot deny that "Jungle" is as strong a song as the band in any era ever put out.