The Bad Ben Series - Part Three

BAD BEN: THE HAUNTED HIGHWAY
(2019)
Dir - Tom Fanslou
Overall: MEH
 
The mixed bag trajectory of the nada-budgeted Bad Ben series continues with Bad Ben: The Haunted Highway.  Here, Tom Fanslou takes a much needed new angle by leaving the haunted house on Steelmanville Road, (even though we make a few trips there anyway), and instead follows his on-screen counterpart Tom Riley around in his new job as an Ubber-type driver who has a busy supernatural evening on Halloween night.  The tone is exclusively goofy and for his part as our increasingly aggravated host, Fanslou is hilarious as he exhibits a combination of nonchalant and "Dude what the fuck was that?" befuddlement over every ridiculous thing that keeps happening to him.  This includes taking three different people to his old abode, (one of whom is a vampire), venturing in there like an idiot to find pairs of boots chasing him, hitting a dog with his van that turns into a naked guy because werewolves, dropping a dude off for a presumed fuck date in the middle of the woods and then picking up the woman that he presumably met up with who has his severed head in a bag, running over a clown scarecrow that comes alive, and finally meeting up with two parallel universe versions of himself while trying to get gas.  Any sense of logic is nonexistent and it starts to feel its length after awhile, but Fanslou's comedic chops are in fine form, plus he seems to be having a ball by changing it up for once.
 

BAD BEN: PANDEMIC
(2020)
Dir - Tom Fanslou
Overall: WOOF

 

An hour and forty-eight minutes of Tom Fanslou watching zoom calls and jumping back in his chair going "What the fuck was that?!?" is the gist of his eighth Bad Ben installment Bad Ben: Pandemic.  It becomes clear from the onset that most if not all of the segments were filmed separately and not in the video call format in which they are presented, since Fanslou talks to whoever is on the other line without them answering him or acknowledging his questions or comments.  Judging by the title and because 2020, the premise is that everyone is cooped up in their homes bored and/or going stir crazy, so Fanslou's charming now-paranormal investigator offers his services online to help anyone out there with whatever bumps in the night issues they may be experiencing during the COVID-19 lockdown.  It is a nice idea on paper to get the fans involved while people were quarantined, cobbling a series of their homemade movies together instead of just having Fanslou wander around his own house again.  Our cranky host does have a couple of funny lines and reactions, but the framework here is terrible due to the painful repetitiveness and poor execution of each video call.  All of them feature a combination of some family member not being home for days or acting strange, vague sounds that they go investigate, someone in a cheap grim reaper or clown mask standing in the background, people finding doors closed or items moved, and each one ending with a jump scare, scream, and static freeze frame.  It would work better as a twenty-minute holdover in between proper full-lengths instead of literally being the longest entry thus far.

 

BAD BEN: BENIGN
(2021)
Dir - Tom Fanslou
Overall: MEH

 

Now back to Tom Fanslou wandering around his house talking to himself.  After two installments that at least broke up the form, Bad Ben: Benign returns to basics, too basic in fact since his running-on-empty trajectory becomes more crystalized here.  Fanslou's frustrated yet nonchalant reactions to his never-ending supernatural predicaments are still routinely hilarious, but at this point they are the only redeeming qualities.  The "scary" bits are merely retreads of gags that he has already utilized ad nauseam, his built-up mythology is dead in the water, and his sense of pacing therefor suffers considerably from the "been there, done that" approach.  To be fair, we do get some new and improved special effects like the disembodied head of a former "Druggo Jesus" priest and his sentient severed hand ala-Thing from The Addams Family, but most of the CGI looks charmingly lousy at best.  Fanslou goes up against Pazuzu himself here, (plus a creepy doll and another guy in a Spirit Halloween clown costume), before some more parallel universe Toms eventually show up to get us to the finish line, which has a twist, is one of the silliest so far, and does not deserve spoiling.  The comedic angle was always there with these movies, and this one leans into it with abandon at regular intervals, but the structure is still on rinse and repeat too much to make this something recommendable to the non-converted.

A Ghost Story for Christmas Part Four

MARTIN'S CLOSE

(2019)

Dir - Mark Gatiss

Overall: MEH

 

For anyone assuming that A Ghost Story for Christmas was going to get back on the slow boil and moody aesthetic of its bygone era when returning to M.R. James for the source material, (as opposed to the previous year's contemporary-set original segment The Dead Room), the ruinous tone of Martin's Close will squash those hopes.  This is the program's most overtly comedic episode yet, at least in comparison to everything that came before.  Writer/director Mark Gatiss tries to balance characters taking things seriously while others take them not at all seriously, always in the same scene and always causing a jarring viewing experience.  Elliot Levey's eccentric performance of a judge who cannot stop amusing himself while a young man is on trial for murder, (all while Peter Capaldi melodramatically prosecutes said young man and we infrequently cut to Simon Williams narrating things with a bit of Vincent Price campiness at his disposal), kills any and all atmospheric spookiness.  That is until the finale which drops one eerie showstopper, or at least it would be an eerie showstopper if the rest of the presentation was not so inconsistent.  Gatiss seems to be having fun by turning this into "The Cloak" segment from The House That Dripped Blood, so for anyone who does not mind the misplaced nyuck nyucks, knock yourself out.

 

THE MEZZOTINT

(2021)

Dir - Mark Gatiss

Overall: GOOD

 

It took seven episodes in sixteen years for the annual, resurrected A Ghost Story for Christmas program to deliver something that was not undone by its faults.  While 2021's M.R. James adaptation The Mezzotint still does not come close to the 1970s run of the author's reworkings in overall quality, it keeps its Amicus/Hammer camp at arm's length enough to achieve the proper menace that the source material relies on.  Mark Gatiss had been running the show for four entries at this time, and he wisely omits the glaring tonal issues that plagued his other installments while still offering up some throwback popcorn horror vibes, such as a ghoulish monster reveal and a hammed-up performance from Frances Barber.  The premise about a 19th century mezzotint with a mind of its own recalls the celebrated Night Gallery pilot episode, but Gatiss makes some well-suited additions to James' narrative.  These alterations raise the stakes and enhance an inevitable finish where not just Rory Kinnear's typical and scholarly James protagonist grows concerned over the supernatural predicament at hand, but his colleagues do as well, subverting the trope where only our main character is getting spooked while everyone else merely grows concerned for their friend's mental stability.

 

COUNT MAGNUS

(2022)

Dir - Mark Gatiss

Overall: MEH

 

While not aggressively goofy, Count Magnus does feature an eccentrically jovial protagonist played by Jason Watkins, one who allows for writer/director Mark Gatiss to keep things more on the popcorn entertainment side, be it of the still ghoulish variety.  This is not a bad thing, as A Ghost Story for Christmas had been cruising in such a lane through its modern incarnation, at least ever since Gatiss took the wheel.  It is just something to come to terms with if one is to engage in these annual spookshow yarns on their own terms while not endlessly comparing them to the stylistically different 1970s incarnations.  On that note, the show's original director Lawrence Gordon Clark had wanted to do this particular yarn during his tenure, but the BBC and their steadfast insistence on spending as little money as possible prevented the location shooting in Sweden.  No matter since this version was shot in England anyway.  Gatiss may love his M.R. James tales as much as he enjoys getting to adapt them in such a format after the BBC's small screen tradition had been retired for decades, but he has both a modern sensibility and an unavoidable itch to wink at the audience along the way.  Embracing such a tactic then, this one is acceptable if not remarkable.

 

LOT NO. 249

(2023)

Dir - Mark Gatiss

Overall: GOOD

 

The first A Ghost Story for Christmas segment to be based on a work from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Lot No. 249 nevertheless follows the pattern that Mark Gatiss has consistently set for the program ever since the writer/director took it over some years and entries before.  Gatiss is unapologetically making his own Amicus horror shorts with each of these annual throwbacks, yet the tale chosen here was also adapted in Tales from the Darkside: The Movie in a similar vein that mixes schlock and the macabre.  This interpretation sticks to the period setting of Doyle's original, emphasizes the gay subtext, and throws in a reference to Sherlock Holmes because the author apparently can never escape the shadow cast by his most famous creation, even in this case when resurrected Egyptian mummies are concerned.  Said monster looks fantastic, especially considering the fact that this was a typically tight-budgeted BBC production that was allegedly shot in only four days.  Kit Harrington makes a fine protagonist who tries to get to the bottom of and then stop the ghastly shenanigans that are going down at Oxford University, but Freddie Fox wears his villainous intentions on his sleeve in a performance that pushes things into camp terrain.  Even those unfamiliar with the source material will be able to predict every beat before it happens, but it is fine popcorn fodder for those who are not looking for anything wheel-inventing.

 

WOMAN OF STONE

(2024)

Dir - Mark Gatiss

Overall: MEH

 

Four years straight brought forth just as many annual A Ghost Story for Christmas installments, the most steady run since the program's 1970s heyday.  Woman of Stone once again steps away from the works of M.R. James, this time adapting Edith Nesbit's 19th century short story "Man-Size in Marble" which writer/director Mark Gatiss has gone on record as stating was the first supernatural tale that he ever read.  It fits the period and throwback agenda for the series, making it a logical addition as opposed to merely a passion project for Gatiss to shoehorn in.  The structure is faulty where Celia Imrie plays Nesbit herself, regaling her fanboy doctor with this particular tale which features yet another character regaling two other people with yet another tale.  Each timeline is bounced back and forth, giving this a disjointed and rushed feel on top of the predictable and macabre outcome.  Gatiss is still presenting these episodes with more tongue-in-cheek glee than any desire, (or ability, if one is to be cynical), to create an intoxicating mood of supernatural suggestion and mounting dread.  Some of his other to-date seven segments are more goofy, but this one is just underwhelming, proving that either some more evocative material or a new approach is needed to elevate these above being merely half-hour time fillers.

2021 Horror Part Thirty

BLACK AS NIGHT

Dir - Maritte Lee Go

Overall: MEH

 

Why, after over a century of them, do vampire films have to keep explaining the rules?  While individual tweaks to well-established mythos are appreciated and honestly necessary this far into the game, we do not need to endlessly rehash the prerequisite scene where characters find themselves gobsmacked by the existence of real-life bloodsuckers only so they can hit the library, the internet, or consult a conveniently local expert on how vampires are spawned, how they are killed, etc.  We have all seen one, (or hundreds), of these movies, we get it.  Unfortunately, this and other formulaic tropes litter Black As Night, the full-length debut from director Maritte Lee Go, which is an otherwise likeable if unnecessary horror comedy with its heart in the right place.  It has an identical tone, premise, and structure as Oz Rodriguez' Vampires vs. the Bronx from the previous year, making it even more redundant than it already inherently is.  Here we are in a post-Katrina New Orleans where citizens are still struggling to keep their heads up in an impoverished community, ravenous blood-suckers thrown into the mix via an elaborate and long-running scheme to overpower long-standing oppression only complicating matters.  The vampires growl, (loudly), and scream, (loudly), like all humanoid monsters in any contemporary horror film are seemingly required to do, relative youngsters decide to go up against them single-handedly without even bothering to notify the authorities, characters suffer harrowing loss while the tone steers vaguely towards the humorous, the cinematography is too dark to see what is going on during the night scenes, the jump scares are predictable and stupid, and it is all too safe and rigid to avoid being anything but forgettable.

 

DEATH VALLEY

Dir - Matthew Ninaber

Overall: MEH

 

A schlocky Canadian action movie with screeching zombie monsters and zero distinguishing factors, Death Valley is the latest from actor/occasional filmmaker Matthew Ninaber.  The film steers clear of looking like a straight-to-Redbox cheapie, digitally and professionally photographed with a dark and earthy color pallet, lots of slow motion, dirt and grime, exploding firepower, and both mounted and drone shots, with gruff actors doing their best to act macho and occasionally engage in some mild quips with each other.  Ninaber keeps up a kinetic pace as indistinguishable mercenaries yell, trade cliche mannerisms, shoot things, and yell some more, but the tripe dialog comes off as even more pedestrian with B-level thespians who look the part yet never exude any charisma.  This is necessary for any Predator-style shenanigans to connect, and one could imagine a stable of A-level actors or even some established WWE personalities being able to elevate the by-numbers material.  It is not that anyone on screen here is bad at their job, it is just that the script which they are presented with is so formulaic and so soulless that it seems AI-generated, giving them nothing interesting to work with.  There are no sparks of creativity, no inventive shifts from the straight-and-narrow, testosterone-ridden monster shoot-em-up framework that has been done in various forms so many times.  It never becomes obnoxious or embarrassing, and all of the pieces are there that one would expect, but that is the problem.  Throw in some curve-balls, dodge some foreseeable avenues, and then maybe the results will be more than merely competent.

 

AMANUDA

Dir - S.S. Jishnu Dev

Overall: WOOF

 

Visibly bored actors who are supposed to be amateur paranormal investigators, (very, very), slowly walking around the forest and frequently stopping to do either nothing or deliver mere variations of the same bare-bones expository dialog is nearly the majority of the excruciatingly stagnant hour and forty-five minutes that is Amanuda.  At one point the heavy-set character actually tells everyone to slow down even more because he cannot walk that fast, thus providing narrative justification for the pacing to slog ever further.  Adding more minutes still, the film is bookended by yet another paranormal documentary crew watching the comically meandering footage of the first crew, all of which is shown in its entirety until the literal first sings of any production budget hit the screen when one of the characters has freaky contact lenses on and some blood trickles down a hole in a door.  It is not an exaggeration to say that the rest of the movie looks like it was shot for zero dollars in a single day since no supernatural anything is captured on screen, only generic "scary" sound effects added in post which these poor people on screen obviously had to merely pretend that they were hearing during shooting.  This helps to explain their alarming lack of emoting or agency at any point, and the whole thing has the feel of a scam that was done with an insulting lack of effort in order to get a streaming deal to dupe people who generally are intrigued by found footage properties.  It hits a new low for the genre and should be avoided at all costs.

2021 Horror Part Twenty-Nine

FOLLOWERS

Dir - Marcus Harben

Overall: WOOF

 

One of the worst found footage movies ever made, (which is saying a lot), Followers also tragically doubles as the lone full-length from writer/director Marcus Harben who died shortly after its completion.  Any mockumentary about purposely grating influencers is bound to alienate its audience by design, and this one adheres to all the mistakes that a trend of recent "social media personality + ghosts = likes" movies do.  More than just the fact that it has top to bottom insufferable characters, scary music, cheap jump scares, and is edited in a kinetic fashion that is horrendously ill-fitting for found footage, it is also so poorly written and bafflingly executed that it borders on incompetence.  The story is aggressively rushed, establishing none of our moronic and obnoxious characters, just barreling through so many aggressively loud and spastic freaky moments that viewers are bound to be insulted by its glaring narrative handicaps.  Footage is captured from a slew of cameras that we never see, (frequently with multiple angles for each scene), much of it is aesthetically of a professional movie quality as if Harben forgot that he was going for "raw" footage, there are reaction clips from fans that apparently span fifty days yet everyone in them is wearing the same clothes and shooting from the same location in each one, (signifying that they were all actually filmed at the same time), and the movie's ghost even does an impromptu rave dance for everyone.

 

GLASSHOUSE

Dir - Kelsey Egan

Overall: MEH

 

The first of three full-length dystopian sci-fi films from writer/director Kelsey Egan, Glasshouse is floaty and pretentious in its mannerisms, but it offers up an interesting variant on societal collapse in cinema.  With a good amount of CGI in the areal establishing shots, it turns the St. George's Park in Gqeberha, South Africa into an isolated Victorian-esque hothouse sanctuary against an immediate-acting airborne virus that deprives people of their memories and has also seemingly wiped out the entire animal population.  The specifics are herky-jerky at best, (a mysterious stranger shows up who is naturally immune to the disease, and the family that he infiltrates suffers varying symptoms when exposed), but this is not crucial information to the narrative which is exclusively concerned with its individuals and how they deal with their own perceptions of happiness in a world that has robbed everyone of so much.  Besides Adrienne Pearce who turns in an often ridiculous performances as the pontificating matriarch of the family, the rest of the cast do solid work.  Hilton Pelser's stranger is not to be trusted and proves this eventually, but he makes for a protagonist with plenty of gray area, since we can sympathize with his desperation and scheming when given the chance to belong somewhere again, even if his actions are unsavory.

 

NIGHTBOOKS

Dir - David Yarovesky

Overall: MEH

 

A big, glossy, and loud dark fantasy romp aimed at children who are at the age to find Goosebumps frightening, Nightbooks sees director David Yarkovesky and the screenwriting duo of Mikki Daughtry and Tobias Iaconis adapting J. A. White's novel of the same name.  Sam Raimi also attached his name as producer, and the horror icon's influence of screaming crones and bodily fluid spewing is unmistakable in several instances, be it in a PG-rated vein that is more akin to Drag Me to Hell than Evil Dead.  While Krysten Ritter hams it up as the villainous neon witch who lures children to her apartment in order for them to regale her with sorrowful tales, (all of which is explained in an appropriately silly twist-reveal climax), little Lidya Jewett and Winslow Fegley are the ones tasked with the heavy emotional lifting as her prisoners.  Both youngsters turn in fine performances even as the presentation cranks things up to ridiculous and groan-worthy extremes, with cartoonish CGI set pieces and a pristine sheen brightly coloring every last digital frame.  Plot wise it is a cliche-fest, but there is enough of a balance between high stakes Brothers Grimm macabreness and cutesy storytelling to fit the targeted family demographic.

2021 Horror Part Twenty-Eight

THE RETREAT

Dir - Pat Mills

Overall: WOOF

 

On paper at least, a noble attempt is made with director Pat Mills and screenwriter Alyson Richards' The Retreat, a Canadian slasher movie that sets about subverting "gay and lesbian as victim" tropes by pitting such a couple against a motley crew of redneck serial murderers who specifically target members of the LGBTQ community.  Worse yet, they broadcast their slayings on a dark web streaming service with just as odious of a clientele chomping at the bit to see more and more people with "unconventional" lifestyles brutalized and killed in front of the camera.  It is a sick premise that one can argue is nothing more than exploitative torture porn, with one-note, non-written bigots as villains doing the most deplorable things imaginable to a demographic of people who have long suffered discrimination and abuse in various forms.  Because the film eventually morphs into a revenge action romp with its two badass lesbian protagonists turning the tables, it undermines its severe subject matter.  Instead of drawing attention to an all too real problem that LGBTQ folks face on the daily, (all out hatred), the movie goes for cheap jump scares and R-rated slasher schlock, making this a miserable and stupid genre excursion, except just with good intentions.

 

UNTITLED HORROR MOVIE

Dir - Nick Simon

Overall: WOOF

 

One of a handful of screenlife horror films that was slapped together during the COVID-19 pandemic, Untitled Horror Movie is probably the most insulting, lazy, and obnoxious of them.  The bar is so low concerning found footage movies that it actually takes an impressive amount of effort to stand out horribly, and the only reason that this one is done in such a format is because all of the parties involved were quarantined at home, like many others were at the time.  In other words, this has no business being a found footage movie since it behaves in the complete opposite manner of one.  Scary music runs continuously and the editing is hyper-kinetic, giving it a conventional flow to emphasize nyuck nyucks and tripe scare tactics.  Every narrative aspect is as generic as they get, but that is OK apparently since we have yet another horror movie where the characters endlessly rip on how stupid horror movies are while behaving exactly like stupid people in horror movies.  This stuff is rarely cute and it is excruciating here, largely because each person on screen is a caricature of an annoying, narcissistic young actor with interchangeable personalities that make them unsympathetic, boring, underwritten, and grating enough that they practically dare the viewer to shut the whole thing off within the first ten minutes.  If anyone does so, worry not, you will miss absolutely nothing.

 

SUPERHOST

Dir - Brandon Christensen

Overall:WOOF

 

The only breath of fresh air in Brandon Christensen's Superhost is that it easily could have been another influencer-themed found footage movie since it is indeed about a Youtube couple filming their latest entry and complaining about the lack of likes and subscribers that they are getting.  Instead though, the film is played straight, but it still stumbles down the stairs in too many areas.  This has one of those horror screenplays where in order for the whole thing to hit the eighty-four minute mark, the people in it must do things that normal human beings in their situation would never do.  This leads to insulting behavior, particularly in the third act when Osric Chau and Sara Canning have multiple opportunities to escape their suspicious to deadly scenario, yet consistently make asinine choices to stay put.  It grates on the nerves steadily throughout though, playing a long waiting game on the audience where we know from her first appearance, (let alone the movie's poster art), that Grace Phipps is going to go full maniac at some point.  Yet the pathetically implausible way that everything gets there ruins such a gloves-flying-off moment, not to mention evaporating any sympathy we may have for the hapless dumb-dumbs that are caught in her path.  Barbara Crampton shows up which is always nice, but as usual, she deserves better material.

The Bad Ben Series - Part Two

BAD BEN: THE MANDELA EFFECT
(2018)
Dir - Tom Fanslou
Overall: MEH

Four titles in and the Bad Ben series seems to be deliberately taking one step forward and two steps back as Bad Ben: The Mandela Effect ignores everything that was established in the previous and often hysterical Badder Ben.  As the title would suggest, the film has a déjà vu premise where Tom Fanslou seems stuck in a loop, buying the series' haunted house at a sheriff sale, filming himself arriving there, and then freaky stuff starts happening that varies in how similar it is to what happened in the first movie.  The fact that it feels as if you have accidentally pressed "play" on the initial Bad Ben from 2016 is no accident then, but patient viewers will notice the subtle differences which give way to a handful of scenarios that all get Fanslou into the basement so that the screechy demon kid or whatever thing can attack the shit out of him.  The premise works to a point, and Fanslou squeezes some more mileage out of simple found footage gags where our eyes dash around lingering shots waiting for something unnerving to spring into action.  It succeeds in this respect, delivering some chills as well as laughs, especially by the end where even our humble and lone character seems to be picking up on the fact that he has been down this road before.  On that note, the movie does have a scraping the barrel feel to it and proves that you can only make the same film so many times, even if you are making fun of the fact that you are making the same film so many times.

 

THE CRESCENT MOON CLOWN

(2018)

Dir - Tom Fanslou
Overall: WOOF

 

For any viewers that have stuck around with the Bad Ben franchise five entries deep, we are proven with The Crescent Moon Clown that it is best to ignore words like "continuity" and "logic".  Series creator and usual lone actor Tom Fanslou restricts himself to an appearance in the last set piece which is when the movie finally takes the piss out of itself, instead dedicating the rest of it to one unfortunate evening for Jhetta Tionne Anderson to endure.  Playing a college student that has the entire haunted house to herself, Anderson exclusively exhibits "stupid people in horror movies" behavior that is bound to make every audience member yell at the screen.  A sometimes ghost/sometimes flesh and blood person in a Spirit Halloween clown costume lurks around, a sometimes ghost/sometimes flesh and blood person in a Spirit Halloween grim reaper costume also lurks around, lights turn off and on, doors open and close, things make noise, bloody messages get left on the kitchen floor, and Anderson goes about her night saying "Hello?" about a billion times while only seeming mildly concerned.  The pacing is dreadful, (at one point we get an extended sequence where clown man gives us a tour of the entire house on Anderson's cell phone; an entire house that we have explored every nook and cranny of by this point), and the final goofy bit at the end is embarrassing.  Fanslou seems to be having fun churning these out one or two a year, but at this rate, some of them are bound to hit a brick wall.

 

BAD BEN: THE WAY IN
(2019)
Dir - Tom Fanslou
Overall: MEH

 

Making a "Here we go again..." joke when another Bad Ben movie comes out is kind of like complaining about a new Mountain Dew flavor; they are inevitable and many people will try them despite other's eyeball rolls.  Bad Ben: The Way In continues the mostly linear path of the series and serves closest as a direct follow-up to 2017's Badder Ben, which ended with Tom Fanslou/Nigel Bach/Tom Riley's schlubby protagonist getting a second wind in battling malevolent supernatural forces and deciding to launch his own paranormal investigator business.  Tasked by the new owners with ridding his own former house of the now nine official entitles that dwell there, (though there are bound to be some more added before this series wraps up, if it ever does), Fanslou is once again the only guy on screen save for that stupid Spirit Halloween clown that he still keeps lurking around.  Outside of the first movie which worked as both a parody and an unsettling entry into the found footage genre, the rest of the Bad Ben franchise is at its best when it takes the piss out of itself, and thankfully this is the case here.  The most intentionally humorous installment yet, there are laugh-out-loud moments and jump scares aplenty, even if the lore is getting more nonsensical and the shtick is unwavering and bordering on stale.

2021 Horror Part Twenty-Seven

THE FEAR FOOTAGE: 3 AM

Dir - Ricky Umberger

Overall: MEH

For the third installment in his micro-budgeted found footage series, filmmaker Ricky Umberger continues to expand his own mythology with a mix of enduring and embarrassing results.  The Fear Footage: 3 AM is more aligned with its immediate predecessor The Fear Footage 2: Electric Boogaloo than the initial entry in the series, going meta again, this time with a southern bro YouTuber who investigates everything that came before while of course finding himself trapped in the Twilight Zone from hell loop that has become the norm.  Umberger has consistently merited each of these releases on a strong premise, so it is no surprise that the first act is again the most interesting and well-executed.  It takes ages for our lone protagonist to interact with another person, (actor's name unknown since none of these movies list any credits or have any conventional promotional material, which in and of itself is refreshing and unique), and his examining of the now abandoned town of Darkbluff, Maryland is wonderfully chilling.  Things eventually amp up as they are wont to do and sadly, Umberger still thinks that is it creepy to have his actors talk in cringe-worthy "scary" voices while wearing dollar store Halloween costumes, (also, lots and lots of jump scares again), but even with the arbitrary spookiness being more silly than terrifying, this is easily the most agreeable movie in the lot.

THE GIRL WHO GOT AWAY

Dir - Michael Morrissey

Overall: MEH

 

Eleven years after his directorial debut Boy Wonder, filmmaker Michael Morrissey taps into psychological thriller terrain with The Girl Who Got Away, but the results are undermined by some unintentionally absurd moments.  On the plus side, the movie's foibles do not occur until the third act, which tries to deliver on an impending mystery and a relentlessly dour mood surrounding a grown woman who has structured her life around survivor's guilt after being the lone "girl who got away" from a female serial killer at an early age.  The details pile up as things progress, intriguingly at first, but Morrissey cannot help himself in laying on twists and turns that both confuse the plot and suck the life out of it.  Things become a mixed bag in the process, with some embarrassing line readings, implausible shocks stemming around characters briefly living through brutal stab wounds, a goddamn shotgun blast to the face, and even a fetus being taken out of a pregnant woman, weak dialog, jump scares, CGI gore, and a hackneyed protagonist revelation where she overcomes her life-long trauma by the bloody conclusion.  The film has too mush sincerity to outright dismiss, but it still comes close to being a cringe-worthy disaster.

 

DON'T SAY ITS NAME

Dir - Rueben Martell

Overall: MEH

 

A noble story that focuses on the long-endured hardships of indigenous communities with much of its cast giving solid performances, director/co-writer Rueben Martell's full-length debut Don't Say Its Name falls victim to humdrum genre tactics and an unintentionally silly supernatural presence.  Shot in a particularly blistering Alberta, Canada, various townsfolk start getting picked off by an invisible assailant that is accompanied by a putrid smell that only its victims can detect mere moments before getting brutally slashed up.  Racism, local politics, war trauma, and the unfortunately all-too-common reality of corporations inching in ever further on Native American's land all play apart in fleshing-out a plot that has its heart in the right place, further enhanced by a number of also Native actors who wear their people's trials and tribulations on their face and every utterance.  It is a shame then that the antagonist entity is portrayed the way that is is.  In its mysterious and unseen form, it causes CGI blood splatter to appear in a laughable manner, and when it does finally become flesh and blood for reasons that are not explained, it looks like a corpse-painted reject from a teenage black metal band.  There are such few horror elements to begin with that this would have benefited from their elimination altogether, which would have made its sincere attempt at shining more light on a still prominent problem that much more compelling.

2021 Horror Part Twenty-Six

HOMEBOUND

Dir - Sebastian Godwin

Overall: MEH

 

The full-length debut Homebound from writer/director Sebastian Godwin is refreshingly brisk and simple in its construction, but it is also an uncomfortable and frustrating watch in some respects.  Besides an opening scene where a newlywed couple is driving in a car, (a scene that miraculously does not result in them getting into an accident as is nine-hundred percent the case with other horror movies), the entire film takes place at a spacious manor house in the middle of nowhere.  Things follow a formulaic path at that point where we meet three children who ignore the answers to questions, act like assholes, and exhibit concerning behavior as their dad plays along and also exhibits concerning behavior, raising nothing but red flags for Aisling Loftus' befuddled stepmom.  Godwin fails to do much of anything unique with the tropes that he has at his disposal here, and it becomes more annoying than anything to watch four fifths of the people on screen do everything in their power to make Loftus's character want to run to the hills while throwing her wedding ring into the wind.  The finale is left ambiguous, but it also clearly suggests what we have suspected all along, thus negating much of its intended impact.

DAWN BREAKS BEHIND THE EYES
Dir - Kevin Kopacka
Overall: GOOD

Austrian-born filmmaker Kevin Kopacka's sophomore full-length Dawn Breaks Behind the Eyes, (Hinter den Augen die Dämmerung), teeters recklessly on the edge of being decipherable, but it is also a bold experimentation in throwback, Euro-trippiness.  Kopacka allegedly self-financed the production which is shot entirely at a castle in Lalendorf, Germany, and this aspect is utilized by the movie-within-a-movie framework.  There is a significant rug pull that kicks off the second act, so significant that it grasps the viewer in anticipation as to what could possibly happen next.  This is a risky maneuver and certain audience members may throw their arms up in frustration as Kopacka continues to not hold your hand for the rest of the trek, but for those who are patient, there does seem to be an agenda hiding underneath all of the wickedly-realized style and aggressive incoherence.  How men and women relate to each other in a patriarchal relationship or the chauvinistic aggression brought on by the reverse, (meaning men who are forced to be subordinate to a wealthier woman), is the main theme, be it one that is clouded by ghostly flashes, abrupt violence, sexed-up tension, limbo/purgatory time displacement, and an orgy that dips its toes into Brian Yuzna's grotesque masterpiece Society.  Its sheer ambition is commendable, and that is probably enough at the end of the day.

NIGHT AT THE EAGLE INN

Dir - Erik Bloomquist

Overall: MEH

A schlocky little indie offering from the sibling filmmaker duo of Erik and Carson Bloomquist, Night at the Eagle Inn plays more like an elongated episode of Goosebumps or Are You Afraid of the Dark? except with a more adult slant.  This is to say that it is a simple yet silly tale set at a single location and with a minimal cast, wrapping itself up in a brisk seventy-minutes and ultimately not amounting to more than just a fun supernatural romp done on the cheap.  Shot on location in Vermont, it sets up the age ole haunted hotel trope, this time being visited by fraternal twins who are investigating the death and disappearance of their parents that they never knew.  Taylor Turner and Amelia Dudley are well cast as the inquisitive siblings, not just because they are fine actors whose bickering with each other is both adorable and believable, but because they legitimately look like brother and sister, both passable for the same age and sporting big, expressive eyes.  The Bloomquists may have put some of their own quirks into their characters here, but some of the set pieces are clumsy and the story itself is more dopey than ingenious.  It sticks to its tone though, plus supporting players Beau Minniear and Greg Schweers know how to chew the scenery as the mysterious inn employees, but it still falls short of being memorable.

2021 Horror Part Twenty-Five

THE CHANGED

Dir - Michael Mongillo

Overall: MEH

 

Imagine Invasion of the Body Snatchers remade with pocket change and that gives you an accurate idea of what Michael Mongillo's The Changed is.  That may be an undeserved and harsh assessment considering that the movie seems to have its heart in the right place, going for something more poignant than cheap cliches or exploitation.  The small cast give the heady material their all, delivering their simple-minded dialog as if the future of mankind depends on it, which indeed it does in a story about an ambiguous extraterrestrial threat, (or something), that transforms people via saliva because that is a lot less expensive to film than having fleshy cocoon pods.  As opposed to every cinematic version of the aforementioned Invasion of the Body Snatchers though, Mongillo is forced to keep everyone in a single location for most of the time, and the script is ill-equipped to offer up anything interesting to say without exciting set pieces.  By trying to build up a sense of ticking clock tension where everyone has a day to either conform willingly to their new alien hosts or be taken by force, sticking people in a basement to endlessly repeat themselves and argue without getting to the nitty gritty of what it means to retain one's individuality simply does not work.  Tony Todd is always good, but that is about it.

LUZIFER
Dir - Peter Brunner
Overall: MEH

 

On the surface, writer/director Peter Brunner's Luzifer is an ugly and sobering look into an extreme form of mental illness where people have been crippled by their own demons and sufferings to isolate themselves from a society that will not allow such detachment.  Though despite the grimy aesthetic, rudimentary yet tragic plot, and squeamish moments between its two person cast, (Franz Rogowski and Susanne Jensen, respectively), there is a palpable beauty in the visuals.  Peter Flinckenberg's cinematography captures the Austrian mountains in its awe-inspiring majesty, with its characters willingly living off the land in continuous and humbling harmony with their creator.  Supernatural elements are hinted at yet never made manifest, as if there are forces at work all around a doomed mother and son duo who persistently ask where the devil is.  A form of an answer arrives, yet it is of the all too real variety of both encroaching capitalism and the inevitable outcome of a mentally stilted upbringing that leaves Rogowski's ignorant and confused son to try and hopelessly save what cannot be saved.  The movie lingers more than it wallows, but it is still an exhaustive experience that paints a bleak picture when all is said and done.

KICKING BLOOD

Dir - Blaine Thurier

Overall: MEH

A tonal blunder of a movie, musician-turned-filmmaker Blaine Thurier's Kicking Blood drops the ball as a horror comedy and instead meanders in a type of mopey haze with actors who are void of charisma, nothing in the way of memorable set pieces, flat visual language, unsympathetic characters, and tripe dialog.  The vampires as drug addict metaphor has been done plenty of times, so it makes sense on paper to bond a frustrated bloodsucker with a suicidal alcoholic, yet their chemistry is never convincing.  Alanna Bale and Luke Bilyk seem bored in the leads as they wade through portrayals that are only matched in lukewarm disinterest by everyone else on screen.  Worst of all character wise is Vinessa Antoine who encourages Bale to fall back off the wagon because that's the "real" him and she just wants a drinking partner, which is matched by another set of undead sticks in the mud who want Bilyk to stay on the straight blood and narrow just because the script needs to make obvious connections between everyone.  It is hard to hate a film like this since the approach is somber and heartfelt instead of hackneyed, but it never commits to a compelling agenda and sucks the life out of its own story, which seems to be sucking the life out of the people on screen as well.  Maybe it hits the mark exactly then, but with nothing and no one fun to buy into, it also wastes its potential.

2021 Horror Part Twenty-Four

WHEN THE SCREAMING STARTS
Dir - Conor Boru
Overall: MEH

 

Taking its cue from black comedy mockumentaries Man Bites Dog, The Last Horror Movie, Be My Cat: A Film for Anne, and Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, co-writer/director Conor Boru's full-length debut When the Screaming Starts is off to tired start from the onset.  Not to shoot it down on premise alone since how many "city family moves out to a haunted house in the country" stories have we endured over the decades, per example?  That said, Boru's concoction here offers nothing new or interesting to its niche, giving us another aspiring filmmaker who decides to follow a serial killer around in order to break new cinematic ground.  You know, how literally NO aspiring filmmaker on the face of the planet would ever do, let alone with a murderer who willingly wants their crimes fully documented.  Whereas other movies of this nature utilized such an absurd-on-paper premise to examine severe mental illness or people's inherent addiction to violence and the sociopaths who inflict it, this one just goes for straight goofiness.  No one on screen is relatable as they are merely cartoonish caricatures whose only purpose is have enough silly quirks to garnish some macabre chuckles, but it lacks the charm, inventiveness, and comedic chops of say What We Do in the Shadows, which is yet another superior film that it can be inspirationally linked to.

MEDUSA
Dir - Anita Rocha da Silveira
Overall: MEH

 

Whereas Robert Eggers remarkable The Witch shined a light on Puritan fear-mongering dogma gone awry, Anita Rocha da Silveira's sophomore full-length Medusa looks at violent Christian youth gang culture in her native Brazil with more aggressively unpleasant results.  The issues that can be found with such a film are intentionally in place, namely that both its subject matter and its characters are top-to-bottom appalling.  Yet simultaneously, da Silveira slowly unveils an agenda to break down the disgusting and hypocritical hierarchy that its female characters have willfully endured.  Groomed to be on their best behavior and to present physical beauty and godly cleanliness in order for their men to exhibit any form of violence against them or others that they wish, (when not making swooning girls watch them practice choreographed macho dance routines or have a hunky preacher expel anxiety demons from his flock), there is an inevitable primal screaming breaking point to it all.  Along the way, da Silveira takes an arhouse approach, balancing bizarre set pieces that bounce between the ridiculous, the violent, and the frightening.  Unfortunately, the movie's over two hour running time affords for it to meander with characters that take too long to garnish any sympathy for, if any sympathy is garnished at all.  It is stylish and challenging with a great soundtrack to boot, but it still falls shy of deserving its redemptive arc.

SHAPELESS
Dir - Samantha Aldana
Overall: MEH

Eating disorders are, (perhaps), oddly absent as subject matter in the horror genre, which is something that at least gives Samantha Aldana's full-length debut Shapeless an edge.  Co-written by its lead actor Kelly Angell, it is a disturbed character study that tries to capture a type of consuming anxiety where one finds themself at a loss to connect with the rest of the world as they are swimming in their own growing psychosis.  As an aspiring jazz singer with bulimia, Angell is vulnerable throughout, presenting herself at a persistent distance from her co-workers and band mates while she hallucinates various body mutations that only she can see.  This of course is a clear cinematic representation of what those who suffer such afflictions endure, obsessing over their appearance and finding unflattering faults no matter what the scale says.   Yet Angell's ailment seems to go much deeper than simply a weight issue in comparison to conventional beauty as her struggling musical career and ambitions, (coupled with jealousy), are as big of a drive if not more so.  It makes for a confused watch that is more concerned with its psychologically dark ambiguity than in anything graspable.  This is likely intentional, but despite Angell's solid performance and some artful visuals, the film wallows more than it captivates.

2021 Horror Part Twenty-Three

THE INNOCENTS

Dir - Eskil Vogt

Overall: GOOD

Creepy kids in horror movies are a trope as old as time, and Norwegian writer/director Eskil Vogt goes somewhere idiosyncratic with his young cast in his sophomore full-length The Innocents, (De uskyldige).  Set during summer break in an unassuming apartment complex, three youngsters discover that they have some form of superpowers, yet the main focus is on one of their sisters who does not.  Rakel Lenora Fløttum's autistic sibling finds the ability to speak through a telepathic link to one of the other children and later develops a form of telekinesis which local outsider Ben, (played by Sam Ashraf ), also has a more matured and dangerous form of.  Vogt's presentation is minimalist and lingering, spending the majority of the time exploring these kid's relationships with their family and each other, but he does so from a distance that never lets us get too close to anyone.  This is unfortunate since there are some harrowing moments, plus a progressing theme of morality and the unavoidable and ergo heartbreaking element of growing up where the world's evils lead to a loss of innocence, (hence the film's title no doubt).  A tighter approach could have been more compelling, but the movie still accomplishes a lot by taking such a unique angle with its subject matter.

YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER

Dir - Kate Dolan

Overall: MEH

A promising if faulty debut, You Are Not My Mother stems from Irish filmmaker Kate Dolan and busts out the ole changeling monster for a contemporary tale that is centered around an outcast teenager.  Sadly, Dolan indulges in obnoxious bullying tropes where high school-aged assholes behave like psychopaths and the only parent that does anything is the disturbed mother of our protagonist who scares them away when one of them is about to blow-torch her child's face off.  Implausible nonsense like this aside though, the movie is emotionally on point as it examines the turmoil suffered by a lonely young woman who has grown up in a dysfunctional household with vague superstitious leanings, unanswered questions, neglect, and overall concerning behavior.  Dolan uses a few common genre motifs like obvious nightmare sequences, creepy faces in the mirror, and some good ole fashioned gaslighting, but the film has a grounded and intimate aesthetic that is benefited from on location photography and a minimal amount of otherworldly set pieces.  Somber and humorless, (besides one or two unintentionally schlocky moments), it is also well-acted from top to bottom and takes itself seriously enough to have its heart in the right place at least.

TO THE MOON

Dir - Scott Friend

Overall: MEH

The to-date only directorial effort from actor Scott Friend, (who also stars in the lead), To the Moon is an interesting if faulty examination of insecurities and emotional distancing.  Only three actors are present and the entire film takes place in a remote cabin where thespian Friend and his former ice skater wife Madeleine Morgenweck try and reconnect after the former's drug addiction has seemingly cost him his career.  If only it were so "simple" since Friend's estranged off-the-grid brother also randomly shows up doing a makeshift form of goofy yoga right outside the ole family home.  What follows is a series of awkward conversations and the ole trope of passive aggressive malevolence just lightly simmering under the surface.  This creates a proper psychological aura for Friend's central character who is closed off, ashamed, and frustrated with many aspects of his personal life, let alone the reemergence of his eccentric brother who is full of good advice that nobody is asking for.  Most of the movie plays out in a straight-forward manner even if several things do not seem to add up due to Friend's psyche cracks, but it all unfortunately get too murky to make its point.  The finale seems abrupt as if it is landing at some clever revelation that it does not deserve, but there are still some compelling and half-explored ideas here that are well performed and hint at a better realized film than what we got.

2021 Horror Part Twenty-Two

MADRES

Dir - Ryan Zaragoza

Overall: WOOF

 

It is a shame that the twist in Madres, (Mothers), is based on an all-too-real and concerning issue that was largely suffered amongst ethnic women in the 1970s and then again decades later.  That is because the full-length debut from director Ryan Zaragoza terribly stages its agenda within a moronic supernatural horror context that is as hackneyed as they get, full of unintentionally funny moments on top of insultingly cliched scare tactics that do everything in their power to undermine what should have been handled with some semblance of respect.  The seventh installment in the Welcome to Blumhouse series plays by too many rules; generic scary music that only shuts up for a jump scare, freaky nightmares of screaming specters, arbitrary spooky things/hallucinations, a minor key nursery rhyme played on a baby's toy, ominous ravings found in a creepy old house that some city folk move into, a gaslighting husband, a hysterical pregnant wife, a weird cryptic local lady, an understaffed hospital that is allergic to turning any lights on, etc.  This is not to say that this is a travesty since the filmmaker's hearts seem to be in the right place, but sometimes it is all too apparent that getting your message across via a horror framework just so that people will see your movie, (Since who goes to see independent dramas with no star power nowadays?), is just destined to fail. 

 

THE HAUNTED HOTEL

Dir - Jean Campbell Hogg/Joshua Carver/Adam Collier/Joshua Dickinson/Amy L.Feeley/Jane Gull/Tony Roberts/Deveril

Overall: MEH

Several British filmmakers with few if any full-lengths on their resumes all join forces with the low-budget anthology movie The Haunted Hotel.  Shot quickly and on location at the Great White Horse Hotel in Ipswich, Suffolk, it begins with a Charles Dickens quote relating to the real life setting which was an allegedly and famously haunted one that seems ideal fodder for a horror film.  Broken up into eight segments with a different cast and creative personnel in charge of each one, they naturally vary in quality and tone, yet the whole thing predominantly leans on the lighthearted side.  Bouncing non-chronologically over a hundred and fifty-year time span, none of them properly convey the decade for which they are set due to the mediocre and digitally-shot production, (plus the fact that the hotel's decor hardly changes throughout), but this is forgivable under the modest means for which it was made.  Nearly all of the stories are predictable and concern people interacting with those who they or at least we the viewer are not supposed to know right away have passed on, but the more interesting ones skew this formula.  That would be Joshua Dickinson's "The Writer" and Deveril's "Housekeeping", with the closing "Devil Inside" by Toby Roberts being the only one that is not comedic in nature.  The whole collection is more dopey than either scary or funny, but it is mediocre enough to suffice.

MARTYRS LANE

Dir - Ruth Platt

Overall: MEH

A full-length expansion of her 2019 short of the same name, Martyrs Lane is low-key and atmospheric, yet it suffers from a lumbering plot that sticks exclusively to a child's point of view and never becomes that interesting in the process.  Though Platt cannot help but to indulge in some sudden nightmare jumps and there is technically a creepy kid in Halloween make-up, she still manages to skew her set pieces from the norm, presenting everything in a dour yet intimate fashion that does no rely on incessant music or unintentional schlock.  Instead, everyone behaves seriously, too seriously maybe as there is little to nor humor or joy to the proceedings in place of a dreary narrative that meanders without providing any necessary hooks.  Since the entire movie revolves around her perspective of her mother's emotional illness and the identity of the friendly ghost kid that starts showing up once some trinkets are found, it is a good thing that Kiera Thompson does a fine job as far as child actors go, even though she is still delegated to being unrealistically stoic which is usually the only thing allowed for youngsters in horror movies.  The mystery reveal is far from surprising for anyone paying attention and the ending is anti-climactic as well, which is actually in keeping with the overall lackadaisical presentation though.

2021 Horror Part Twenty-One

THE PASSENGER

Dir - Raúl Cerezo/Fernando González Gómez

Overall: GOOD

 

The first collaboration between directors Fernando González Gómez and Raúl Cerezo has a fun genre hybrid premise of a goofy, character-building road movie with a slimy, extraterrestrial monster parasite, all taking place off the beaten-path in Spain's countryside.  It is a similar mishmash as far as the script goes, which was originally written by Javier Echániz and Asier Guerricaechebarría and then reworked by Luis Sánchez-Polack some time later, though thankfully it does not have the feel of too many cooks in the kitchen.  Cerezo and Gómez have to balance a tricky tone where characters must act rationally traumatized when people die around them, but their joke cracking after the fact seems well-earned due to the casual comradery build-up between the two likeable leads in Ramiro Blas and Paula Gallero, plus the simple fact that when being chased by an alien creature inhabiting your mom's body, what else can you do besides chuckle in order to psychologically cope?  At least that is the plausibility pill that we are asked to swallow and enjoyable performances, tense/schlocky set pieces, and some predictable yet clever set-ups and pay-offs help it all go down smoothly.

 

SHE WILL

Dir - Charlotte Colbert

Overall: MEH

Sadly, artist/filmmaker Charlotte Colbert's full-length debut She Will gets lost in its own psychological weeds, telling a potent tale of decades-overdue vengeance through a murky display of busy music, nightmarish astral projection, and CGI witch ashes.  As she is perpetually cast to play, Alice Krige is a creepy old lady who is also the victim this time; a recovering actor that is still reeling from the sexual abuse that she suffered at the hands of a movie director decades older than her.  Look at it as a fictionalized, supernatural re-imagining of the Roman Polanski and Samantha Gailey scandal, with Malcolm McDowell standing in as the odious perpetrator who chalks up his icky, underage fling as something that "made her career", took place "in a different time", and that Krige's thirteen-year old sufferer "knew exactly what she was doing".  Potent material to look at in a post MeToo landscape to be sure, but Colbert's stylized vision takes a rambling trek to get there.  Clint Mansell's score is occasionally unorthodox and trippy, but it also propels things along without letting any of the surreal images sink in properly; images that are captivating sometimes and unimaginative at others.  A finale involving digital black stuff swirling around McDowell's bewildered frame is unintentionally funny and recalls Jan de Bont's The Haunting, which is the worst remake ever made and ergo something that one should never be reminded of.

THE MANOR

Dir - Axelle Carolyn

Overall: MEH

There is nothing extraordinary in writer/director Axelle Carolyn's old folks home creepshow The Manor; a cliche-fest that steers shy of being insulting yet is also instantly forgettable in the process.  The eighth installment in the Welcome to the Blumhouse series, it is a sufficient enough staring vehicle for Barbara Hershey whose seventy-plus age is made the driving narrative factor for a character that willingly checks herself into a swanky manor house for the elderly.  From there, it is all predictable plot points involving gaslighting from everywhere, CGI monster nightmares, panic-stricken residents giving vague and ominous warnings, passive aggressive staff members, weird occult things, a clue in a photograph, and Hershey's protagonist following an arc trajectory that a five year old could predict.  Carolyn keeps things moving enough even though every avenue that her story ventures down is well-trotted terrain, plus Hershey is her usual solid self even if she seems to have her tongue-in cheek most of the time, (which, who could blame her?).  The ending is unintentional schlocky silliness, but it is also satisfying for a movie that plays by the horror movie rules in the most disciplined sense.