2000s American Horror Part Thirty-Eight

FREDDY VS. JASON

(2003)

Dir - Ronny Yu

Overall: MEH

 

Hot off his success with Bride of Chucky, Hong Kong director Ronny Yu breathes some more schlocky life into two additional and already schlocky horror properties with the inevitable crossover Freddy vs. Jason.  Coming after a near decade long wait each, this was the last entry into both the Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street franchises before the immediately forgettable reboots that came a few years later, so it is triple noteworthy for being Robert Englund's final foray as Freddy Krueger.  Englund hams it up as much as he ever did in a movie that has every business being as idiotic as it is, with Canadian stuntman Ken Kirzinger stepping in for Kane Hodder since all that is ultimately required for Jason Voorhees is to just be a big dumb walking meat sack with a machete.  Several years in the making with various script treatments being done before all of the legalities could be sussed out, it does what a Freddy versus Jason movie is supposed to do.  The bar was low enough considering the multitude of "making it up as they went along, because fuck it" sequels that came before, and this one is doubly obnoxious for adhering to the early 2000s trope of deplorably stupid teenage horror romps that insult the viewer with a nod and wink.  To be fair though, Yu knows what kind of product he is tasked with making here, delivering enough nonsensical cartoon mayhem between his two slasher icons to forgive stereotypical characters who only behave the way they do because the script needs to wrap itself up at some point.

 

IN MEMORIUM

(2005)

Dir - Amanda Gusack

Overall: MEH

 

It is a common thread amongst found footage movies to be presented in a framework that begs the question of why they were done as found footage movies in the first place.  The full-length debut In Memorium from indie filmmaker Amanda Gusack is just such a movie, since it opens with our lead character installing dozens upon dozens of cameras in a suburban house that him and his girlfriend are renting for a few months, just to make sure we get boatloads of conventional coverage to edit from.  Why they are renting one instead of just chilling at their own is never convincingly explained, but that is less of a problem compared to others.  The premise involves Erik McDowell being diagnosed with terminal cancer, so he decides to document the last few months of his life so that we can get a full-length movie out of it.  McDowell and his devoted girlfriend Johanna Watts hold their own with the material, but Levi Powell as McDowell's stoner dude brother turns in a horrendous performance, something that devalues the heavy subject matter which deals with mortality, guilt, and the struggles that adults face with the sins of their parents having affected them.  Gusack at least resists adding any scary music, but she is only able to muster the type of derivative plot points and scare tactics that have been seen countless times before and since.

 

DEAD AIR

(2009)

Dir - Corbin Bernsen

Overall: MEH

 

Actor-turned-director Corbin Bernsen has popped up in a number of horror movies throughout his career, with Dead Air serving as his only venture into the genre from behind the lens.  It is also a film that can be seen as the American Pontypool, being close enough of a carbon copy to warrant comparison.  Unfortunately. this is the cheaper and schlockier counterpart to Bruce McDonald's Canadian film from the previous year, which itself had its share of problems and was done on a meager budget.  Bernsen's work here has a low-rent, digital television sheen, one that looks like a pathetic dollar bin action movie that used to pop up in droves on Redbox.  The performances are of the same caliber, even genre mainstay Bill Moseley coming off like he is only mildly over-qualified for a high school drama production.  He is the best actor here though, which does not bode well for Kenny Yakkel's heavy-handed script that utilizes post-September 11th paranoia as its driving force.  The "zombie" outbreak is caused by terrorists, and the film almost becomes interesting in its third act when one of the culprits hijacks Moseley's radio broadcast and lays out all of the expository dialog and justifications.  Yet it just as quickly divulges into preachy platitudes, all the while the Hallmark movie aesthetics undermine any sense of tension, as well as making the rabid 28 Days Later-style zombie attacks come off as clumsy at best.

1990s American Horror Part Fifty-Five - (Wes Craven Edition)

NIGHT VISIONS

(1990)

Overall: MEH

 

The only collaboration between Wes Craven and screenwriter Thomas Baum, (who specializes in horror material), Night Visions also doubles as the final made-for-television movie that the director would ever do.  As usual, Craven lets his actors indulge themselves in however much scenery-chewing they desire and for this round, James Remar gets to go full buffoon as a raving, gleefully provoking asshole detective who is about as realistic of a character as Powdered Toast Man is.  Otherwise, this is bog-standard TV thriller territory; a police procedural with a psychic thrown into the mix who is aiding the local depa

rtment in order to catch a serial killer.  Though Remar tones it down after his ridiculous introduction and Loryn Locklin turns in an impressive performance by wildly switching personalities and feeling the emotional weight of such an affliction, Baum's script never delivers on an already formulaic premise.  The killer reveal is immediately apparent once we meet who it is, plus the plot plays fast and loose with its logical liberties, indulging in some schlocky action movie cliches in the process.

 

WES CRAVEN'S NEW NIGHTMARE
(1994)
Overall: MEH

With Wes Craven's New Nightmare, said filmmaker returned to the franchise that he created in an attempt to wipe things like this permanently from filmgoer's memories.  Try as he might though, Craven still cannot resist the urge to scratch his inner schlock itch.  Freddie Kruger has been given a revamped look, but the fleshy claws and black trench coat still do not get in the way of him dropping one-liners and using his evil powers for comedic effect, like when his tongue protrudes as a strangulation devise, his mouth cartoonishly widens to swallow someone, and his arm stretches out like Mr. Fantastic.  There are other missteps besides these though.  Voice overs of things that the characters said earlier are generously used just in case the audience members are morons, the digital effects are laughable, and Miko Hughe is a textbook annoying horror movie kid who whispers nursery rhymes, sleepwalks, and frequently busts out his silly evil child voice while mugging it up.  Craven utilizes rare restraint in keeping Kruger's appearances to a minimum, (as he did in the initial A Nightmare on Elm Street), and whether intentionally or not, the film ends up being more about the difficulties of a mother's need to protect her children than anything "movie within a movie" related.  Still, (as is often the case with Craven's work), it is a missed opportunity with too many noticeable and unfortunate mistakes.

 

VAMPIRE IN BROOKLYN
(1995)
Overall: GOOD
 
A pairing between Wes Craven and Eddie Murphy sounds less unusual on paper than it may otherwise seem.  Craven's films had and would continue to be inherently schlocky, (most of them in an unmistakably detrimental way), and at the time, Murphy was still a viable enough, box office draw with both comedic and acting chops in spades that helped streamline their combined powers.  It is therefor ironic that motivation wise, it was Craven who wanted to make a comedy and Murphy who wanted to make a straight horror film.  While this juxtaposition is occasionally jarring in such a setting, Vampire in Brooklyn mostly manages to balances its themes decently.  Though he throws a few of his textbook dual roles into the mix, (one as an oily overweight preacher and the other as a Italian lowlife), Murphy and also Angela Bassett keep things respectably grounded while minor players Kadeem Hardison and the late John Witherspoon actually provide most of the humor.  Sans a couple of jarring editing maneuvers and some convenient plot points, the camp value is acceptable for once coming from Craven, plus the script, (which was co-authored by Charlie Murphy) is tight enough for the material.

1990s American Horror Part Thirty-Nine

FREDDY'S DEAD: THE FINAL NIGHTMARE

(1991)

Dir - Rachel Talalay

Overall: MEH

 

Certainly one of the dumbest franchise installments ever made, (Friday the 13th, Leprechaun, Saw, Puppet Master, Child's Play, The Amityville Horror, and probably several other ones notwithstanding), Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare rightfully sort-of-not-really ended the Elm Street series, at least for a couple of way too short years.  In any event, this was the sequel that crescendoed the comedic elements to their breaking point.  By turning Freddy Krueger into a literal cartoon character, (with Looney Tunes gags, sound effects, and a partially animated 3D finale to boot), all previous coherency rules from the previous five films are tossed aside because as New Line Cinema properly surmised, nobody cared anyway.  As usual, the more that screenwriters delve into the backstory of a titular villain, the less interesting and frightening that they simultaneously become, but to the movie's credit, at least they seem to be purposely running this schlock train headlong into a brick wall.  On that note, amusing cameos by Johnny Depp, Roseanne Barr, Tom Arnold, and Alice Cooper, plus a strong emphasis on ridiculous nightmare sequences, (always the series' strong suit), and Robert Englund either trying way too hard or way too little, all makes the proceedings a moronic hoot for those who are in on the joke at least.

HIGHWAY TO HELL

(1992)

Dir - Ate de Jong

Overall: MEH

Following up Drop Dead Fred, (a film that eventually achieved cult status, as did this one), Dutch filmmaker Ate de Jong's Highway to Hell has its B-movie heart in the right place, but the sum of its campy parts fails to fully come together.  The third straight horror screenplay from Brian Helgeland, it has an acceptable premise where two recently engaged lovebirds find themselves on an isolated, Nevada stretch of interstate where a mute, burn-victim-faced patrolman kidnaps Kristy Swanson in order to deliver her to the Lord of Darkness.  This in turn sends Chad Lowe on a quest through the netherworld which is depicted as a post-apocalyptic, sunny, desert landscape full of bikers, strippers, hoodlums, and the overall damned.  Several of the set pieces are wacky fun, with solid special and make-up effects, especially where C.J. Graham's Hellcop and some horny demon gargoyles are concerned.  A handful of cameos color the proceedings, including Jerry Stiller as a wise-cracking police officer, Ben Stiller as a hillbilly cook, Lita Ford as a horny, Old West hussie, and Gilbert Gottfried as Adolph Hitler.  Unfortunately, the tone is inconsistent, as is the humor which mostly gets by on the inventiveness of the details as opposed to many of the jokes landing.  The material probably called for a more outrageous approach than the quasi-sincere one taken here, but what does work is admirable at least.

 

TICKS

(1993)

Dir - Tony Randel

Overall: MEH

 

As a creepy crawly, practical effects showcase, Ticks, (Infested), is a lot of fun for those who can withstand the mild aggravation of a merely point A to point B plot that is front-loaded with unlikable characters.  One of several horror films from director Tony Randel, the set-up serves its purpose to get a cabin full of people out in the woods where Clint Howard is mad scientisting marijuana plants, which of course results in chemical run-off that mutates ticks to dangerous size and aggression.  The fact that most of the adults and teenagers are present to conduct some kind of inner-city wilderness project is lame, as is the fact that they spend the majority of their time being mildly to aggressively nasty to each other.  This is even more prominent in the final act where two vile hillbillies enter the picture, resulting in more arguing and screaming as over-sized bugs attack everyone.  Doug Beswick's special effects are appropriately disgusting though, and watching fresh carcasses violently gyrate and explode while boatloads of critters emerge out of oozing slime sacks to scurry everywhere is what any audience member privy to such a movie is signing up for in the first place.  So at least that is delivered, plus Howard is always a hoot and Carlton himself Alfonso Ribeiro gets to act all hood, as well as getting the most over-the-top post-death scene out of the bunch.

1980s American Horror Part Sixty - A Nightmare on Elm Street Series

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
(1984)
Dir - Wes Craven
Overall: GOOD

One of the most popular horror franchises of all time kicked off in 1984 with Wes Craven's A Nightmare on Elm Street.  Craven had been pitching the project for a number of years, with distribution company turned-film studio New Line Cinema finally taking it on.  The result launched both the company and the filmmaker into the major leagues and deservedly so.  Though Freddie Kruger infamously became a parody of himself in quick succession with the following sequels, he is more understated and in turn far more menacing here.   Robert Englund became a household name in the role he will forever be known for and this easily stands as the most effective he ever was as the child-murdering nightmare demon.  The cast is strong all around, save for Ronee Blakely's melodramatic performance as an alcoholic mother.  Craven treats the material seriously enough, examining thematic cliches like adolescent trauma, parents being dismissive of their children, and promiscuous teenagers as bad guy fodder.  Also, he wisely has the good sense to let the creepy premise of falling asleep sealing your doom stay the primary focus and the film is at its best during the highly imaginative dream sequences, each one of which has become iconic and often parodied.  While the series is so etched into the ethos of pop culture now as to unfortunately limit its impact, the initial installment remains easy to appreciate in its comparatively less campy form.

 

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE

(1985)

Dir - Jack Sholder

Overall: GOOD

Commonly referred to as "the gayest horror film ever made", A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge is more known for its underlying themes and eyebrow-raising set pieces than anything else.  Wes Craven stepped down from the project as he found the proposed script ill-advised, yet director Jack Sholder treats the material in perhaps a more respectful manner than such cash-grab sequels usually deserve.  While the homoerotic moments are numerous and unmistakable, (the leather daddy gym coach death scene, the male scream "queen" protagonist being played by openly gay actor Mark Patton, said protagonist not being able to make love to his girlfriend, Freddy spending the entire movie trying to literally "get inside" Patton's body), the narrative itself is oddly not a mere retread of the first installment.  Some of the differentiating elements fail to land, but most of them work well enough to deliver another series of inventive and freaky set pieces, plus the special effects by Kevin Yagher and Mark Shostrom are solid for the era.  Best of all though and essential to having the whole thing not just be one long, unintentional gay joke, Robert Englund still makes Mr. Krueger a menacing presence and had yet to turn the character into a cornball laughing stock.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: DREAM WARRIORS

(1987)

Dir - Chuck Russell

Overall: GOOD

 

Wes Craven returned in screenwriter form, (along with three others, including director Chuck Russell in his debut behind the lens), for A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, which is one of the more well-respected sequels in the franchise.  Craven, star Robert Englund, and John Saxon had all written their own scripts for another entry, with some elements from each making their way into either the finished product here or future installments, including the Freddy's Nightmares TV series.  For the most part, this one steers clear of overt silliness as once again Krueger is largely kept off camera for the first two acts and the likeable characters are given plenty of screen time.  Russell maintains a creepy tone even with goofy moments like "Welcome to prime time bitch!", a stop motion Freddy skeleton celebrating his victory, and the hook of having the protagonists turn into badass versions of themselves in the dream realm.  The use of holy water, prayers, and a crucifix that cause Freddy's of course only temporary destruction serves a "sure, whatever" enough purpose, but the effects work is still excellent and the nightmare sequences are wonderfully creative as well as large in number.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4: THE DREAM MASTER

(1988)

Dir - Renny Harlin

Overall: MEH

Things finally collapse into stupidsville with A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, the entry where Freddy Krueger officially became a parody of himself.  A victim of the 1988 Writers Guild of America Strike and based off of a script that was hammered out within only nine days, Wes Craven's input was rejected from the studio and the director's chair is once again handed off as a for-hire job.  The proof is certainly in the pudding.  The dialog is terrible from top to bottom, no more so than when Robert Englund gets to dish out almost as many groan-inducing puns as Arnold Schwarzenegger did in Batman & Robin.  Special effects wise, it is sufficient since the amazing Screaming Mad George contributed some of the visual gags at least.  That said, the nightmare death sequences fail to garnish much excitement and they are hinged on a story which is merely a lazy retread of the three installments that came before it.  Freddy finds his demise in a laughably random way this time, which is proceeded by a kung-fu fight and an action movie-styled, "dressing up in front of the mirror" montage.  Ken Sagoes is the only returning cast member from the last film, which is somewhat pointless as he dies quickly and Patricia Arquette got recast anyway, (plus her character also dies quickly), so in that regard, why not just exclude both of them altogether? 

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 5: THE DREAM CHILD

(1989)

Dir - Stephen Hopkins

Overall: MEH

The schlock train continues with A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child.  Though new director Stephen Hopkins made a partially successful attempt to go for a darker tone by introducing Gothic atmospherics into the franchise for the first time, Robert Englund is still playing the nyuck nyuck game with incessantly terrible dialog.  The camp level is increased elsewhere as well since as the title would suggest, there is indeed a small child in this one who delivers a dad pun of his own while doing his best Freddy Krueger voice, makeup in tow.  There is also an animatronic Freddy fetus baby monster that is as ridiculous as it sounds.  Visually though, the movie is still stellar with top-notch practical effects and grimy, over the top sets.  Hopkins also keeps a relentless pace going, with high-octane nightmare sequences making up the majority of screen time and thankfully so.  The script tries to expand on the mythos by making Krueger's mom more prominent, but it is essentially the same old, "he's back for more" gag of picking off douchebag teenagers one at a time.  Time well spent for fans of the series yet for the uninitiated, nothing here is bound to grab them any more than anything else that came before it.