80's American Horror Part Sixty-Two

REPO MAN

(1984)

Dir - Alex Cox

Overall: GOOD

A highly inventive and hilarious debut from writer/director Alex Cox, Repo Man is a unique, LA set satire of conspiracy theories, Reaganomics, punk rock rebellion, and machismo except all with an unseen, glowing alien in a trunk of a Chevy Malibu.  Stylistically, it is a work where every character is both easily agitated and nonchalant at the same time; loud profanity and violence accompany moments where such loud profanity, (as well as murder), are just as easily shrugged off.  It all creates a wonderfully askew, laugh-out-loud tone.  Cox' script weaves every single component together rather ingeniously, with a non-stop barrage of call-backs and pay-offs down to a little old lady who gets her trash knocked over to Emilo Estevez' nerdy friend that denies singing at work.  Estevez is his typically angst-ridden self while Harry Dean Stanton in a rare, top-billed role is delightful as a repo man adhering to a strict ethical code that is exclusive to his profession.  Lastly, the soundtrack is fantastic, with The Plugz' particular brand of Latino Western punk suiting the film to a tee.

MANHUNTER

(1986)

Dir - Michael Mann

Overall: GOOD

Michael Mann's adaptation of Thomas Harris' Red Dragon is a seminal serial killer movie, highly influencing police procedural dramas which heavily emphasize the psychological strain on FBI profilers.  The title was changed by producers to Manhunter as not to confuse it with anything in the kung fu genre, (an official The Silence of the Lambs prequel with the book's title would be released in 2002), and Mann's screenplay was heavily researched as was the preparation done by William Petersen in the lead who was hot off of the success of To Live and Die in L.A..  The director's use of color schemes, shot structure, and music, (particularly that from the band The Reds and "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vidda" which was inspired by real life killer Dennis Wayne Wallace's fascination with the song), has been rightfully appreciated by cinephiles.  Brian Cox' performance as Hannibal Lecktor may of course be overshadowed by Anthony Hopkins much more famous one, yet is is still efficiently chilling as is Tom Noonan as the emotionally turmoiled murderer Francis Dollarhyde.

NIGHTMARE SISTERS

(1988)

Dir - David DeCoteau

Overall: MEH

Filmed within four days on the back-end of Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, Nightmare Sisters, (Sorority Succubus Sisters), is an exceptionally stupid bit of goofy, Z-grade sleaze from David DeCoteau, sleaze that is in keeping with his usual brand of juvenile schlock.  Reuniting scream queens Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens, and Michelle Bauer, the movie was done on leftover sets from Slimeball and looks like what it was; something cobbled together for about seventy-five cents.  The beloved genre babes appear as both doofy nerds and oiled-up nymphos who share an elongated bubble bath scene while smooshed together in a normal sized tub, making the most out of the horndog parody material.  DeCoteau's skills as a director are about as awful as Kenneth J. Hall's as a screenwriter since the movie plays out in completely boring mid-shots with dialog made up almost entirely of embarrassing innuendos and cliches.  Expecting anything more or less would be utterly foolish, yet the film is mildly enjoyable due to its craptacular cheapness, awful music by Dukey Flyswatter's band Haunted Garage, (plus a topless performance of "Santa Monica Blvd. Boys" from Quigley herself), and of course, boobs.

80's American Horror Part Sixty-One

BLOOD HARVEST

(1987)

Dir - Bill Rebane

Overall: WOOF

 

This later crud rock from Bill Rebane continues to establish his long-standing legacy as one of the worst filmmakers who ever lived, with the added ingredient of also being a footnote in the bizarre, less than ideal career of Tiny Tim.  Blood Harvest has what many infamously bad movies have; inept direction, painfully embarrassing performances, incoherent plotting, sluggish pacing, and obviously barren production qualities.  The "best" case scenario is that many of these elements can make for a riotous viewing experience, but the results here are only inconsistently amusing.  In her only acting role ever, Itonia Salcheck comes off as the most hilariously awful and the poor woman spends more than half of the movie either without pants or just passed out and naked.  It is unfortunate that the walking anomaly that is Tiny Tim does not get enough screen time since his performance as a mentally-handicapped clown who bursts into song is as head-scratchingly fascinating as it sounds on paper.  There is definitely more enjoyable sleaze out there than this, but it is still probably worth a curious viewing for the trainwreck trash fan.

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD PART II

(1988)

Dir - Ken Wiederhorn

Overall: MEH

 

Nearly everything goes not so good in writer/director Ken Wiederhorn's Return of the Living Dead Part II, a more deliberately stupid and silly sequel to a horror comedy masterpiece.  Essentially telling the same story except in a different, less interesting setting, this one adds Forest J. Ackerman not taking the material seriously, a stupid kid, and the concept that workout tapes can distract and electricity can now kill the previously unkillable zombies.  The lousy choices are not limited to those though with both James Karen and Thom Mathews inexplicably returning as two different characters with the exact same arc that they had for the last go-round and they each turn in comparatively more obnoxious performances than in the previous film, joining a cast that mostly screams and complains their way through every scene anyway.  The makeup effects are definitely on the cheap end yet fine for what they are, plus the hard rock soundtrack gets the job done, but Wiederhorn is no Dan O'Bannon as his script is littered with incessant, failed attempts at humor as well as typical zombie movie cliches, none of which are cleverly skewed.

THE VINEYARD

(1989)

Dir - James Hong/William Rice

Overall: MEH

With a filmography listing well over four-hundred acting credits, James Hong only got behind the screen a comparative small handful of times and The Vineyard stands as his lone directorial horror outing.  Sharing such duties with William Rice and others in the screenwriting department, Hong plays a variation of the mad scientist seeking immortality who does so here through a series of mystical rituals plus wine making for some reason.  The production is given a knowingly silly approach that works well enough with the quirky premise as it does not try to be anything besides what it is.  Thriller-style zombies, scantily clad and/or naked women, California bros, fog, menacing keyboard music, gore, elderly monster make-up; it has plenty of fun trappings for the 80s horror fan.  The wheels fall off a bit in the third act though which bounces around too much in general and looses momentum when it should be ramping up to a fittingly goofy conclusion.  Still, there is a charm to it at irregular intervals and Hong makes a campy if underwritten villain so for a deliberately wacky B-movie, you can definitely do far, far worse.

80's American Horror Part Sixty - A Nightmare on Elm Street Series

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
(1984)
Dir - Wes Craven
Overall: GOOD

One of the most popular horror franchises of all time kicked off in 1984 with Wes Craven's A Nightmare on Elm Street.  Craven had been pitching the project for a number of years, with distribution company turned-film studio New Line Cinema finally taking it on.  The result launched both the company and the filmmaker into the major leagues and deservedly so.  Though Freddie Kruger infamously became a parody of himself in quick succession with the following sequels, he is more understated and in turn far more menacing here.   Robert Englund became a household name in the role he will forever be known for and this easily stands as the most effective he ever was as the child-murdering nightmare demon.  The cast is strong all around, save for Ronee Blakely's melodramatic performance as an alcoholic mother.  Craven treats the material seriously enough, examining thematic cliches like adolescent trauma, parents being dismissive of their children, and promiscuous teenagers as bad guy fodder.  Also, he wisely has the good sense to let the creepy premise of falling asleep sealing your doom stay the primary focus and the film is at its best during the highly imaginative dream sequences, each one of which has become iconic and often parodied.  While the series is so etched into the ethos of pop culture now as to unfortunately limit its impact, the initial installment remains easy to appreciate in its comparatively less campy form.

 

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE

(1985)

Dir - Jack Sholder

Overall: GOOD

Commonly referred to as "the gayest horror film ever made", A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge is more known for its underlying themes and eyebrow-raising set pieces than anything else.  Wes Craven stepped down from the project as he found the proposed script ill-advised, yet director Jack Sholder treats the material in perhaps a more respectful manner than such cash-grab sequels usually deserve.  While the homoerotic moments are numerous and unmistakable, (the leather daddy gym coach death scene, the male scream "queen" protagonist being played by openly gay actor Mark Patton, said protagonist not being able to make love to his girlfriend, Freddy spending the entire movie trying to literally "get inside" Patton's body), the narrative itself is oddly not a mere retread of the first installment.  Some of the differentiating elements fail to land, but most of them work well enough to deliver another series of inventive and freaky set pieces, plus the special effects by Kevin Yagher and Mark Shostrom are solid for the era.  Best of all though and essential to having the whole thing not just be one long, unintentional gay joke, Robert Englund still makes Mr. Krueger a menacing presence and had yet to turn the character into a cornball laughing stock.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: DREAM WARRIORS

(1987)

Dir - Chuck Russell

Overall: GOOD

 

Wes Craven returned in screenwriter form, (along with three others, including director Chuck Russell in his debut behind the lens), for A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, which is one of the more well-respected sequels in the franchise.  Craven, star Robert Englund, and John Saxon had all written their own scripts for another entry, with some elements from each making their way into either the finished product here or future installments, including the Freddy's Nightmares TV series.  For the most part, this one steers clear of overt silliness as once again Krueger is largely kept off camera for the first two acts and the likeable characters are given plenty of screen time.  Russell maintains a creepy tone even with goofy moments like "Welcome to prime time bitch!", a stop motion Freddy skeleton celebrating his victory, and the hook of having the protagonists turn into badass versions of themselves in the dream realm.  The use of holy water, prayers, and a crucifix that cause Freddy's of course only temporary destruction serves a "sure, whatever" enough purpose, but the effects work is still excellent and the nightmare sequences are wonderfully creative as well as large in number.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4: THE DREAM MASTER

(1988)

Dir - Renny Harlin

Overall: MEH

Things finally collapse into stupidsville with A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, the entry where Freddy Krueger officially became a parody of himself.  A victim of the 1988 Writers Guild of America Strike and based off of a script that was hammered out within only nine days, Wes Craven's input was rejected from the studio and the director's chair is once again handed off as a for-hire job.  The proof is certainly in the pudding.  The dialog is terrible from top to bottom, no more so than when Robert Englund gets to dish out almost as many groan-inducing puns as Arnold Schwarzenegger did in Batman & Robin.  Special effects wise, it is sufficient since the amazing Screaming Mad George contributed some of the visual gags at least.  That said, the nightmare death sequences fail to garnish much excitement and they are hinged on a story which is merely a lazy retread of the three installments that came before it.  Freddy finds his demise in a laughably random way this time, which is proceeded by a kung-fu fight and an action movie-styled, "dressing up in front of the mirror" montage.  Ken Sagoes is the only returning cast member from the last film, which is somewhat pointless as he dies quickly and Patricia Arquette got recast anyway, (plus her character also dies quickly), so in that regard, why not just exclude both of them altogether? 

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 5: THE DREAM CHILD

(1989)

Dir - Stephen Hopkins

Overall: MEH

The schlock train continues with A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child.  Though new director Stephen Hopkins made a partially successful attempt to go for a darker tone by introducing Gothic atmospherics into the franchise for the first time, Robert Englund is still playing the nyuck nyuck game with incessantly terrible dialog.  The camp level is increased elsewhere as well since as the title would suggest, there is indeed a small child in this one who delivers a dad pun of his own while doing his best Freddy Krueger voice, makeup in tow.  There is also an animatronic Freddy fetus baby monster that is as ridiculous as it sounds.  Visually though, the movie is still stellar with top-notch practical effects and grimy, over the top sets.  Hopkins also keeps a relentless pace going, with high-octane nightmare sequences making up the majority of screen time and thankfully so.  The script tries to expand on the mythos by making Krueger's mom more prominent, but it is essentially the same old, "he's back for more" gag of picking off douchebag teenagers one at a time.  Time well spent for fans of the series yet for the uninitiated, nothing here is bound to grab them any more than anything else that came before it.

80's American Horror Part Fifty-Nine

WITHOUT WARNING

(1980)

Dir - Greydon Clark

Overall: MEH

 

While it has some less than enduring production attributes, Without Warning, (It Came Without Warning), is at least better than the drive-in B-movies of the 1950s and 60s that it shares a kinship with.  Director Greydon Clark made a career either in front of or behind the lens on low budget fare such as this and for the most part, he keeps up an adequate pace for the material here; material which is certainly on paper.  Veterans Jack Palance, Martin Landau, and Cameron Mitchell in an opening cameo bring some credibility to the proceedings, with the former two hamming it up appropriately.  Kevin Peter Hall plays the malicious, man-hunting alien seven years before he would do the same in the far superior Predator, yet his on-screen appearances amount to a scant few seconds and only within the last ten minutes.  Worse yet, the bargain bin costume that he wears looks embarrassing and would even appear laughable on an early Doctor Who serial.  It certainly does not fit the more atmospheric tone that Clark is going for nor the themes of PTSD psychosis that Landau's character suffers from.

 

BLOOD CULT
(1985)
Dir - Christopher Lewis
Overall: WOOF

The debut Blood Cult from Christopher Lewis is a typically sluggish and embarrassing piece of SOV crap, one that was allegedly filmed over nine days in Tulsa, Oklahoma with two Betacam cameras.  It certainly looks it, but credit where it is due; Lewis goes for cinematic mood setting despite his lack of proper movie-making equipment, an acceptable script, or actors who either look or perform like they belong in front of any screen.  Regional, no budget horror films can usually only afford local thespians, so the cast of schlubs here fit the bill accordingly, regularly fumbling their lines and possessing all of the charisma of a high school janitor who is on the spectrum.  Narratively, it clumsily fuses slasher motifs with Satanic cult ones, keeping the dialog asinine along the way with characters repeating slight variations of the same sentences over and over again and particularly abusing the word "sacrifice".  There is no sense of pacing to anything going on here, feeling like a fifteen minute idea that is stretched out to an hour and a half.  Still, the crawl to the finish line is also peppered with atmospheric lighting, fog, slow motion, and some, (possibly accidental), expressive camerawork on occasion, for what it is worth.

 

NOT OF THIS EARTH

(1988)

Dir - Jim Wynorski

Overall: MEH

A pointless if also harmless remake, Not of This Earth is significant for containing the first non-pornographic role for Traci Lords.  Prolific schlock peddler/director Jim Wynorski allegedly made the film under the result of a wager that he could do so for the same budget and within the same shooting schedule as cinema's most penny-pinching filmmaker Roger Corman's did with the original.  That movie's screenwriters Charles B. Griffith and Mark Hanna should have sued for screenwriter credit as Wynorski's treatment here lifts roughly ninety percent of the dialog verbatim as well as virtually every plot point.  The only difference of course is that there are sexual innuendos that would make Elvira proud and lots of naked women.  On that note, though Lords' clothes are also regularly removed and she is certainly there for eye candy purposes at least in part, she turns in a wonderfully charming and sassy performance.  Despite the heightened comedics and on-the-nose B-movie pandering, it still pales in comparison to Corman's still silly yet more genuinely menacing version, yet fans of juvenile genre fare will probably not complain.

80's American Horror Part Fifty-Eight

BLOW OUT

(1981)

Dir - Brian De Palma

Overall: GOOD

 

Another in a stream of similar, top-notch thrillers, Brian De Palma's Blow Out adheres to his usual cinephile aesthetics with elaborate, single-take tracking shots, split-screens, and a story that makes the very unity of sound and image a primary focus.  An unofficial reworking of Michelangelo Antonioni's Blowup and the second time that John Travolta and Nancy Allen worked together in a De Palma film, it is as Hitchcockian as any of the director's other efforts, still with some extravagant quasi-giallo flourishes as well.  This time though there is a conspiracy angle front and center which ups the stakes and allows for De Palma to essentially concoct his version of All the President's Men.  The script is particularly strong and builds to an excellent, elongated climax where John Lithgow, (who was lurking in the background for the bulk of the film), gets to finally unleash his finely-crafted sinister side.  In the leads, both Travolta and Allen are excellent as two flawed yet highly likable characters with humble motives that their circumstances often will not allow for.

HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER

(1986)

Dir - John McNaughton

Overall: GOOD

One of the most unglamorized depictions of serial murder in feature-length form, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer remains a disturbing hallmark all these years later.  Shot in Chicago on merely a $110,000 budget and given an X-rating by the MPAA, it lingered in borderline obscurity for awhile, gradually garnishing a respectable reputation amongst those who recognized it as something far removed from mere exploitative sleaze.  Partially based on both the alleged and actual exploits of convicted murders Henry Lee Lucas and Ottis Toole, filmmaker John McNaughton takes a cold, nearly unbiased view of the material.  Most of the title character's killings happen off screen, with shots of the bodies afterwards accompanied by the sounds of the murders providing a deeply chilling alternative to grandiose, slasher movie spectacle.  When the camera does give us a glimpse, it is presented matter of factly and is purposely uncomfortable for the viewer to endure.  Michael Rooker's debut in the lead is perfectly detached and the actor supposedly stayed in character during the month long shoot to achieve his largely unemotional, frightening demeanor.

MY DEMON LOVER

(1987)

Dir - Charlie Loventhal

Overall: MEH

The thoroughly oddball, PG-13 sex comedy My Demon Lover is one that goes for consistent laughs while delivering maybe two of them within ninety minutes.  More dumb than funny, (make that a lot more dumb than funny), it is the first and only theatrical writing credit from Leslie Ray who exclusively had a career penning sitcom episodes afterwards.  Director Charlie Loventhal likewise mostly worked in the romantic comedy field so needless to say, the resulting movie here hardly conjures up any convincingly spooky atmosphere.  It does adhere to a completely unnatural cartoon logic though where every character exhibits buffoonish behavior and all of the plot points as well as every line of dialog are embarassingly groan-worthy.  For a movie whose premise is a homeless weirdo that turns into a demon when he gets horny and then meets an adorable ditzy woman who "aww shucks" her way through abusive relationships, it certainly does not sound like something family friendly.  This makes the half juvenile and half cutesy presentation that much more jarring and the film misses pretty much any potential audience in the process.  The monster make-up effects are decent at least.

80's American Horror Part Fifty-Seven

MAUSOLEUM

(1983)

Dir - Michael Dugan

Overall: WOOF

 

Certainly in the realm of "so bad it's still bad but hilarious", Mausoleum rather consistently delivers in unintended hysterics.  Written by producers Robert Barich and Robert Madero, (the former also serving as cinematographer), it is a standard possession story on paper.  In execution though, a series of baffling choices elevate it into something cartoonishly stupid.  Though it is an American movie, the ADR dubbing is worse and more awkward then what is commonly found in the worst and most awkward foreign film, the editing has a handful of noticeable mistakes, the performances are alarmingly ridiculous, and the conventional horror score is interrupted by a new jack swing song during a sex scene, Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me", and the Sanford and Son theme during a purposely funny moment where LaWanda Page says "good googly moogly" and runs out of a house scared.  In her screen debut, buxom Bobbie Bresee goes for broke as a scene-chewing, demonic, horned-up trophy wife and spends more scenes bugging her eyes out and barring her teeth than is usually permitted.  The practical effects and death scenes are pretty wild as well and though it is all too accidentally inept to legitimately champion, it is definitely fun for all of the wrong reasons.

 

ZOMBIE HIGH

(1987)

Dir - Rob Link
Overall: MEH

 

One of the most forgettable films to misleadingly label itself as a horror comedy, (especially coming from an era that was brimful of them), Zombie High, (The School That Ate My Brain), quite daftly blows its potential at delivering whatever one would expect from the goofy title.  The sole directorial effort of any kind from Rob Link, (whose only other IMDB entry is appearing in Andy Warhol's never released Batman Dracula), the movie practically forgets the "high" part as it takes place at a boarding school that is more like a university than anything else.  The "zombies" show up for about five seconds and not until there is twelve minutes left in the running time.  By then, things do finally get slightly campy, but the sluggish slog to get there that treats the material like it is some kind of genuine suspense thriller is absolutely not worth it.  Why Sherilyn Fenn and especially Virginia Madsen signed on is anybody's guess, though it is slightly amusing to spot Paul Feig in a minor role as a dork that cannot get a date to save his life.  Still, the script sucks, the special effects suck, and the music really sucks so the only reputation it deserves is "next please".

PHANTOM OF THE MALL: ERIC'S REVENGE

(1989)

Dir - Richard Friedman

Overall: MEH

A particularly boring slasher variant of the Phantom of the Opera motif, Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge blows nearly all of its potential as a valley girl spoof on the formula.  Judging by the title, one would assume that it would play up the schlock yet instead, director Richard Friedman stages everything as if it is an engaging, sinister drama.  The still lame yet comparatively superior Chopping Mall had much more fun with its setting as well as boasting a more singular premise.  Here, there is just some guy boringly killing people that he wants revenge on while leaving clues for his girlfriend who presumes that he died in a fire.  The performances are in keeping with the lackluster presentation and even Pauly Shore tones down his "hey buuuudy" surfer vibe and just comes off like a run of the mill fast food employee.  There is a mild attempt at making the kill scenes memorable, but so many movies like this had tried to one-up each other in such a regard throughout the decade that again, it is simply not over the top enough.  Without leaning into any of the would-be inherent silliness plus barely servicing as a homage to old school monster movies, what is left is just something that can far too easily be forgotten about seconds after the credits role.

80's American Horror Part Fifty-Six

THE UNSEEN

(1980)

Dir - Danny Steinmann

Overall: MEH

 

The first non-porno film from director Danny Steinmann, (who would go on to do Savage Streets and the fifth Friday the 13th installment), The Unseen is a mediocre, predictable, quasi-slasher offering.  Featuring Barbara Bach and an amusingly hammy performance from character actor Sydney Lassick as a deranged museum curator, it has familiar aspects to David Schmoeller's Tourist Trap yet it is hardly as inventive.  There are some perverse elements to please exploitation fans though, (incest, nudity), but the gore factor is relatively tame.  Besides one or two eccentric scene-chewing moments with Lassick, the movie is predominately dull.  Bach's character is given a side-arc with an ex boyfriend that brings everything to a boring stand still and the entire last act is incredibly monotonous and one-note.  Nothing here is particularly bad and it is certainly passable for a low-expectation, sleazy B-movie, but it is a lot of the same stuff that has been done more memorably elsewhere.

DEAD OF WINTER

(1987)

Dir - Arthur Penn

Overall: MEH

 

This quasi-remake of the 1945 noir film My Name Is Julia Ross has an interesting build up with a hum-drum resolution.  Dead of Winter was initially directed by co-screenwriter Marc Shmuger, then producer John Bloomgarden, and finally Arthur Penn who was given official and sole credit.  Despite the changing of behind the camera personnel, it is tight from a production standpoint.  Mary Steenbergen technically plays three roles, though only one of them as a duped actress is given primarily screen time and she makes a solid victim there.  Roddy McDowell is his always excellent self in a more sinister turn than usual, though his polite, English charm still manages to come through, (which in fact makes him all the more unsettling).  A few tense revelations are well staged and it successfully plays off of the "no one believes a hysterical woman" motif, yet once Steenbergen gets the upper hand against her two kidnappers as well as herself, (long story), it delivers more of a yawn than a gasp.  It is still enjoyable in normal doses if one can forgive some more forgettable aspects.

CREEPOZOIDS

(1987)

Dir - David DeCoteau

Overall: MEH

The first horror movie from the ridiculously prolific, D-rent schlock peddler David DeCoteau was the ultra cheap, ultra dumb Alien knock-off Creepozoids.  DeCoteau was one of countless Roger Corman protegees and it certainly shows as his work here is more a triumph of low-budget will than anything else.  Filmed entirely in a warehouse over a fifteen day shooting schedule and with a minimal cast of the world's most sort of passable actors, (including the always charming Linnea Quigley who of course delivers her obligatory nude scene), it has a serious tone which is probably the oddest thing about it.  The creature effects are certainly embarrassing, (sans a weird, creepy monster baby at the end), yet DeCoteau at least tries to obscure them in darkness and through quick cuts.  It is only atmospheric in an amateur hour sense though as the director's chosen style is primarily to stage long takes in boring mid-shots and with standard lighting.  If the film leaned into its stupidity a bit more as several of DeCoteau's other entries in his exclusively B-movie filmography would, then it could be more of a hoot.  Instead, it is just kind of cheap and pathetic.

80's American Horror Part Fifty-Five

FULL MOON HIGH

(1981)

Dir - Larry Cohen

Overall: MEH

 

Pre-dating the somewhat similar premised Teen Wolf by four years, (except the teenage protagonist here is a football player instead of a basketball one), Larry Cohen's Full Moon High is the only bonafide comedy in his filmography.  More aggressively moronic than actually funny, it has an intentional B-movie spoof vibe that is similar to John DeBello's Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and falls flat nearly half as much.  Adam Arkin's lead werewolf makes lame wise-cracks as he is transforming and every other character regularly behaves in as unnatural of a manner as possible, with cartoon-level silliness going on in every scene.  Being an early 80s comedy, there are several hardly subtle gay jokes of the flamboyant variety thrown in that have not aged well, but they are at least not mean spirited.  Cameos by Pat Morita, Demond Wilson, Arkin's dad Alan, and even Bob Saget playing a teenager for five seconds are kind of fun to spot, plus Ed McMahon of all people seems to be enjoying himself as a bizarre, anticommunist father with a bomb shelter and a busy libido.  The wolfman makeup is as lousy as the pedestrian jokes are and the rapid-fire, slice and dice pace gets a bit irksome when the entire movie consistently does everything it can to not be clever.

NOMADS

(1986)

Dir - John McTiernan

Overall: MEH

 

The debut Nomads from legendary action director John McTiernan is quite a different endeavor than his more famous movies, both in subject matter and quality.  Admirably bold for his first time behind the lens, the filmmaker goes for a surreal, thriller atmosphere that unfortunately becomes incomprehensible along the way.  Both Irish-born Pierce Brosnan and Australian Anna Maria Monticelli speak in French accents that are difficult to make out and ultimately not integral to the story, a story that has a nifty premise at least where one woman relives the memory of a dead man, regaining consciousness in the actual location that her mysterious visions leave off.  All of this coupled with the flashy editing give it an impenetrable feel though, perhaps intentionally yet ultimately frustratingly as well.  Also the supernatural components are repressed and left vague with McTiernan not seeming too interested in creating a frightening mood in the first place.  The guitar heavy soundtrack is kind of cool and both Adam Ant and Mary Woronov have small, non-speaking parts as the mysterious title "spirits", but nothing else is really all that memorable.

FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC

(1987)

Dir - Jeffrey Bloom

Overall: MEH

 

Writer/director Jeffrey Bloom's adaptation of V.C. Andrews' novel Flowers in the Attic seems to have sincere, chilling intentions, but it ends up being merely unpleasant with occasional flourishes of accidental camp.  The screenplay went through several authors before Andrews, (who had final approval), chose Bloom, having previously turned down an interpretation from Wes Craven that was naturally more graphic.  Issues continued once production was properly underway as well, with Bloom leaving the project and having no involvement with the final edit.  Producers also chose to shoot an entirely different ending, plus nudity and incest elements were removed to secure a less harsh rating.  With such tampering in place, the movie has a disjointed feel.  Louis Fletcher is set up to be an imposing, evil psycho-biddy villainess, yet her intimidating nature is presented unevenly and she all but vanishes throughout the last half of the film.  The plot becomes more implausible than disturbing as things go on, (not to mention tedious), and by the time it all wrap up, the finale is predictably underwhelming.  Too lightweight to be properly scary and too depressing to be melodramatically schlocky, it just falls somewhere lukewarm in the middle.

80's American Horror Part Fifty-Four

NIGHTMARES

(1983)

Dir - Joseph Sargent

Overall: MEH

 

The television pilot turned feature length anthology film Nightmares from prolific television director Joseph Sargent is not a particularly good one, which would explain it not getting picked up as a series.  Comprised of four unrelated stories that were authored by Jeffrey Bloom and Christopher Crowe, the premises of each range from lackluster to goofy, though there are occasional moments that are worth the price of admission.  "The Bishop of Battle" has a young Emilio Estevez as an arcade-addicted teenager and it has a fun if foreseeable conclusion.  The opening "Terror in Topanga" is the shortest and most forgettable with "The Benediction" being nothing more than a religious-themed re-working of Steven Spielberg's debut Duel.  "Night of the Rat" is probably the most ridiculous and clumsy, which provides an unfortunate entry to go out on.  Besides Estevez, there are appearances from genre regulars Lance Henricksen, Veronica Cartwright, Cristina Raines, and Anthony James, with Lee Ving and Moon Unit Zappa even cameoing for good measure.

LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS

(1986)

Dir - Frank Oz

Overall: GOOD

Critically and commercially successful, the big screen adaptation of Alan Menken and Howard Ashman's off-Broadway Little Shop of Horrors, (itself based on Roger Corman's ultra cheap, 1960 B-movie of the same name), is quite the well-crafted genre mash-up.  Originally attached to Steven Spielberg and Martin Scorsese, Frank Oz ultimately made it his The Muppets Take Manhattan follow-up after he re-worked the initial script.  Heavy on the catchy songs which appear sometimes every couple of minutes, it was shot entirely at Pinewood Studios in England and has a big-budget, decorative style that fits the throwback, doo-wop musical aesthetics from the 1960s.  Though gore-less, it still has some gruesome details and macabre humor, both with the flesh-eating, extraterrestrial plant and Steve Martin's sadistic dentist.  Cameos by Jim Belushi, John Candy, Christopher Guest, and Bill Murray are a hoot, plus Rick Moranis plays his textbook, mild-mannered underdog while Ellen Greene, (who appeared in the stage production), basically steals the show as his squeaky-talking-voiced/huge-singing-voiced love interest.  Well, steals the show along with the animatronic masterpiece that is Audrey II, voiced hilariously by The Four Tops' Levi Stubs.

BAD BLOOD
(1988)
Dir - Chuck Vincent
Overall: MEH

For anyone who is wondering if Linda Blair and pornstars Georgina Spelvin and Randy Spears ever appeared in a movie together, the answer is yes, yes they did.  Bad Blood, (A Woman Obsessed), is that movie and it is one of several mainstream genre offerings from Chuck Vincent who made a consistent switch to non-adult films in the latter part of his career.  Never one to skimp on the scenery-chewing, Spelvin was at an appropriate age here to portray a psycho-biddy baddie who manipulates her long lost son into her Misery-style clutches and she delivers the raving, wide-eyed mugging as delightfully as can be expected.  The story by Vincent's frequent collaborator Craig Horrall gets plenty icky in the second half where all of our unwholesome, incestuous suspicions of Spelvin's lunatic character are justified.  Blair unfortunately gets sidetracked early on as she was delegated to such inconsequential B-movie parts at this point in her career, but Spears holds his own in the victim role where he has to remain tied to a bed while his biological mother tortures and has her lustful ways with him.  Ewwww.  Well made if not exceptional, it suffices as a bit of straight-to-video, sick camp.

80's American Horror Part Fifty-Three

HARD ROCK ZOMBIES

(1985)

Dir - Krishna Shah

Overall: GOOD

 

Bollywood filmmaker Krishna Shah's Hard Rock Zombies is the type of deliberately absurd "bad" movie that seems as if it was made on another planet.  Part Ed Wood incompetence, part John Waters offensiveness for the sake of it, part rock musical, part accidental avant-garde film, and all with Troma-style anti-production values, it has cult movie written in bold, garish handwriting all over it.  Predating Jackie Kong's similarly hilarious, rotten taste masterpiece Blood Diner by two years, this is a much more shoddy and even more nonsensical endeavor with a front-to-back mangled tone.  It is difficult to tell what exactly Shah was going for as opposed to what ends up coming off on screen, which of course is a great deal of the fun.  While it occasionally drags and becomes monotonous just like most terrible, z-grade movies do, there are plenty of head-scratchingly ridiculous moments to laugh at/with.  Any movie with Hitler raising a Texas Chainsaw worthy dysfunctional family with two midgets in masks and a hot babe, plus the world's worst pop rock band in corpse paint should probably be experienced at least once.

INVADERS FROM MARS

(1986)

Dir - Tobe Hooper

Overall: MEH

Dumb and awkward at regular intervals, Tobe Hooper's Invaders from Mars continued the 1980s trend of B-movie sci-fi remakes, this one with mediocre yet at least forgivable results.  Dan O'Bannon and Don Jakoby's screenplay adheres to the same silliness as the original where a twelve-year old boy collaborates with the US military in defeating the hostile alien intruders, but at least Hooper is in on the joke and seems to be managing the proceedings with an innocent, sentimental agenda.  It is a shameless throwback vehicle in this sense, but fans of 1950s monsters from outer space movies will have little to complain about since the updated special effects by John Dykstra and Stan Winston plus the quicker pace are both more user friendly, let alone certainly less dated.  The first two acts are somewhat suspenseful and moody, yet things collapse into dullsville once everything degenerates into a big, loud, exploding spectacle at the end.  James Karen, Laraine Newman, Louis Fletcher, and Karen Black give the knowingly goofy material a solid go, but Hunter Carson makes a typical annoying movie kid just as Jimmy Hunt did in the 1953 version.

PULSE

(1988)

Dir - Paul Golding

Overall: MEH

 

The only directorial effort from screenwriter Paul Golding, Pulse is a pretty bog-standard, PG-13 horror film that is mostly of note for containing an early performance from child actors Joey and Matthew Lawrence.  On paper, the concept of malevolent poltergeist activity via electricity might seem interesting enough to make a movie out of, but in actuality, the result is pretty consistently low on chills or much of any pizzazz whatsoever.  The strained father/son dynamic provides a fine emotional backbone for when things become mildly threatening and one could perhaps see this as a cautionary tale of man's over-reliance on modern conveniences representing some kind of vague threat.  Hardly the most profound or even amusing angle to take for a run-of-the-mill genre film, yet Golding plays everything remarkably straight.  This is often the kiss of death when it comes to technological horror, but comparing this to something like Maximum Overdrive which took the schlock factor and rammed it full-tilt into the wall, merely throwing sinister music over shots of electoral circuits sparking and melting will hardly get the viewer's heart-racing.  At least there is a scene where the Lawrence brothers play with the Cobra Terror Drome though.

80's American Horror Part Fifty-Two

THE BOOGEYMAN

(1980)

Dir - Ulli Lommel

Overall: MEH

The generically titled The Boogeyman from German actor/filmmaker Ulli Lommel may not be exclusively formulaic in its execution, but it is an unmistakable dud all the same.  Lommel's script was inspired by some personal, childhood fears and throws in references to The Amityville Horror, The Exorcist, and various other slasher motifs in a vague, stylistic sense.  Speaking of vague, none of the supernatural elements seem coherently placed, with wishy-washy Freudian subtext and superstition based folklore mucking up a series of murders and fantastical encounters.  Sadly, Lommel is not a skilled enough director to make the unfocused plot work and nearly all of the frightful scenes are accidentally hilarious instead.  This includes an evil "possessed voice" that sounds like a five year old trying to intimidate their parents into giving them more ice cream for dessert.  Such attempts at frightening atmospherics also fall flat due to the low-end production values and sub-par cast which includes a small role for John Carradine who sadly was very much in the "anything for a paycheck" stage of his career.

HAUNTED HONEYMOON

(1986)

Dir - Gene Wilder

Overall: GOOD

 

Gene Wilder closed out the directorial end of his filmography with the throwback, self-proclaimed comedy chiller Haunted Honeymoon.  Set during the 1930s in which movies that directly inspired it like The Old Dark House and The Cat and the Canary were made, it is a shameless homage to juvenile wackiness and retro spook show tactics that Wilder and his likeable cast seem mutually fond of.  Also doubling as a couples vehicle for he and wife Gilda Radner, (in her final film role before succumbing to ovarian cancer three years later), their cutesy chemistry unmistakably comes through and one or two song and dance numbers help keep things solely on the lighter side.  Both Dom DeLuise and Roger Ashton-Griffiths perform in drag, the latter as a corpse and the former as a wailing old Auntie.  Even with the rest of the cast mostly playing it straight, the silly factor is cranked all the way up and Wilder throws enough puns and illogical haunted house gags at the audience to forgive the ridiculously convoluted, short-sighted plot.  It certainly delivers on its intentions and has a goofball charm that is easy to fall for.  They also remembered to throw a werewolf into the proceedings because why would they not?

A RETURN TO SALEM'S LOT

(1987)

Dir - Larry Cohen

Overall: WOOF

Joining the ranks of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2, American Werewolf in Paris, and Exorcist II: The Heretic as one of the worst horror sequels ever made, A Return to Salem's Lot is a continuation of the outstanding 1979 miniseries in name only.  Larry Cohen had penned a rejected screenplay for the aforementioned Stephen King adaptation and finally took on a follow-up project when Warner Bros. approached him years later to make something on the cheap.  This certainly qualifies but problems persist far beyond the shoddy production values.  Cohen at his worst was a tonally inept filmmaker; one that combined humor, strangeness, absurd plotting, and gore in an aggravatingly awkward fashion.  His trademark weaknesses are in "peak" form here as the movie fumbles all of its comedic intentions with a presentation that seems to be half purposely "bad movie terrible" and half tongue-in-cheek camp.  Maybe those two are the same things though.  Throw in a foul-mouthed kid who never stops deserving to be smacked, a foul-mouthed Samuel Fuller who tries desperately to schlock-up the proceedings, yet another aloof performance from Cohen's inexplicably favorite leading man Michael Moriarty, and a musical score that is so repetitive as to cause nausea, and everything here deserves to be erased from one's memory.

80's American Horror Part Fifty-One

THE NINTH CONFIGURATION

(1980)

Dir - William Peter Blatty

Overall: GOOD

While it is not a horror film, William Peter Blatty's directorial debut The Ninth Configuration is based off of his own novel of the same name, a novel that is the second installment of the author's "Faith trilogy" which could be seen to coexist in the same universe as The Exorcist.   A bizarre and challenging work, it is littered with colorful performances that range from pure, excitable eccentricity to zen-like, deliberate contemplative states where a Pacific Northwestern castle is home to Vietnam vets that have suffered mental breakdowns.  The plot is elaborate and before it introduces the foreseeable twist in the third act where it get streamlined a bit, things are difficult to come to terms with.  The dialog is uniquely rich though; both funny and philosophical as it takes on a hypnotic quality after awhile where just watching the crop of top-notch actors sink their teeth into their roles is more enticing than actually following the narrative.  Stacy Keach, Jason Miller, Ed Flanders, and particularly Scott Wilson as a bitter, traumatized former astronaut are all in peak form, with minor roles from Tom Atkins, Robert Loggia, Steven Sandor, Richard Lynch, and Neville Brand providing plenty of memorable moments of their own.

A STRANGER IS WATCHING
(1982)
Dir - Sean S. Cunningham
Overall: GOOD

Sean S. Cunningham's follow-up to the initial Friday the 13th is the gritty adaptation of Mary Higgins Clark's 1977 novel A Stranger Is Watching.  Largely set in the grime-covered underbelly of Grand Central Station, it features command performances from all involved, with Shawn von Schreiber, (in her only acting role ever), as a terrified eleven year old, Rip Torn being particularly odious as her rotten-mouthed kidnapper, and Captain Janeway herself Kate Mulgrew making a resourceful news anchor who gets caught up in the scheme.  The plot manages to be suspenseful without being loaded with surprises, though the combination of disturbing subject matter and a relentless stream of close calls may prove to be too ugly and frustrating for most viewers.  Still, Cunningham handles the proceedings with a keen sense of pacing, the location shooting provides the right ominous atmosphere, and there is at least a naturalistic brutality to it that steers light years away from the director's aforementioned, moronic Friday the 13th predecessor that inexplicably spawned a franchise.

CREEPSHOW 2

(1987)

Dir - Michael Gornick

Overall: MEH

Though technically sub-par, there are still moments of gleefully ghoulish, 80s horror fun in Creepshow 2, the sequel to the beloved and, (universally considered), superior initial Creepshow from 1982.  The first film's cinematographer Michael Gornick takes over for George A. Romero in the director's chair, though the latter stuck around to pen the screenplay along with an uncredited Lucille Fletcher.  Featuring only three stories instead of five to save on production costs, all of them are once again Stephen King adaptations, with the author himself making a cameo appearance as a truck driver.  The tone is perfectly in keeping with what had already been established and most of the humor comes from Joe Silver's Creep narration between segments, (the Creep himself being played under heavy guise by Tom Savini).  Because there are merely three segments, each one could do with some trimming to keep the momentum going, but they all have some nasty gore to please the intended fanbase.  It is certainly not a bad anthology outing; it is just cheaper and duller than what could otherwise be hoped for.