1990s American Horror Part Sixty-Two

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 4: THE INITIATION
(1990)
Dir - Brian Yuzna
Overall: MEH

 

A Silent Night, Deadly Night franchise installment in name only, Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: The Initiation at least on paper sounds like it would be worth one's time.  It has none other than Brian Yuzna behind the lens, continues his collaboration with Screaming Mad George whose special bug effects are appropriately icky, plus Clint Howard and Reggie Bannister both show up.  Slugs, rats, maggots, cockroaches, jelly goo, Neith Hunter turning into a slimy mermaid or something, and a Rosemary's Baby-styled impregnation orgy scene with Howard thrusting away in a phallic-nosed mask, one cannot complain that the movie does not go for stomach-churning grossness.  While it flies off the rails appropriately with Yuzna and George concocting more nonsensical and nasty set pieces one after the other, there are several awkward moments scattered throughout, plus the allegory of women being oppressed in a male dominated society is laughably handled at best.  Still, as an entry in a film series that sets such a persistently low bar of quality, this one at least wins points for breaking the moronic slasher mold and throwing a bunch of weird bug cult, child sacrificing, female empowering, and gooey sex stuff into the mix.

 

DOLLMAN

(1991)

Dir - Albert Pyun

Overall: MEH

Continuing in their trajectory to make small people/creatures their main characters, Charles Band's Full Moon Entertainment teamed up with schlock meister Albert Pyun for Dollman; a knowingly preposterous action movie where Tim Thomerson plays a rogue cop who gets transported from his world where he is normal-sized to the Bronx where he is roughly Cabbage Patch kid height.  Besides such a goofy premise that should never be taken seriously under any circumstances, the film follows bog-standard R-rated, tough guy action tropes.  There is plenty of gratuitous murder, plenty of gratuitous profanity, and it is set in a neighborhood overrun with reckless crime that just needs a little guy with a little gun, (that still shoots regular-sized bullets mind you), to clean up the place.  A pre-pockmarked Jackie Earle Haley plays the main thug with a heavy New York accent to boot, plus Frank Collison joins the villainy as a disembodied head that wants to blow stuff up with a bomb really bad and is kept alive via alien technology.  Everyone pretends that they are not in a movie called Dollman, which is adorable to a point, but the usual B-grade production values prove insufficient to take advantage of any convincing or fun "little man in a big world" set pieces.  It is mostly just actors looking angry while saying "Fuck" a whole lot and Thomerson walking around in shots by himself where you cannot even tell that he is supposed to be itty bitty.

PET SEMATARY TWO

(1992)

Dir - Mary Lambert

Overall: WOOF

If a "kind of" Stephen King movie is so bad that King himself demands that his name be taken off of it, you know you are in for a rough ride.  Pet Sematary Two is the obligatory sequel to 1989's Pet Sematary, with director Mary Lambert returning and trying to craft something tolerable out of a hackneyed, cash-grab script.  Taking place in the same town as its predecessor, two underwritten teenagers nonchalantly make the terrible decision to first resurrect a dead dog and then one of the kid's scumbag stepdad who shot said dog in the first place.  We also have bog-standard high school bullies, (including Jared Rushton who may be the most punchable kid in the history of cinema), Clancy Brown fusing a Maine accent, Vincent D'Onofrio's bug man in Men in Black, a zombie, and Ace Ventura together, a soundtrack full of gen x alternative jams, laughable hallucination/nightmare sequences, and Edward Furlong screaming a lot.  Richard Outten's screenplay gets from point A to point B without considering any plausible logistics, and the tone is relentless D-grade schlock that would fit a Goosebumps episode if not for the gore, profanity, and occasional pair of naked boobs.  The only good thing that one can say about it is that they never made a Pet Sematary Three...yet.

1990s American Horror Part Sixty (The Sometimes They Come Back Series)

SOMETIMES THEY COME BACK

(1991)

Dir - Tom McLoughlin

Overall: MEH

 

A movie about inescapable high school bullies sounds like torture and plenty of overplayed cliches do indeed run rampant in director Tom McLoughlin's Sometimes They Come Back; a television adaptation of Stephen King's 1974 short story of the same name.  Produced by Dino De Laurentiis for the small screen, this means that there is no gore, no profanity, and no nudity, but such exploitative elements are hardly necessary for a simple vengeful scumbag ghost story where a few pushing-thirty "teenagers" come back from the grave and terrorize the now grown kid that they blame for their untimely death years ago.  There are no surprises anywhere to be found here, with characters behaving in familiar patters that have been played out in an untold number of stories where a family moves into the boonies from the city, high school jocks think they run the school, ineffective law enforcement and school officials write-off a series of kid murders as suicides, the undead bad guys cackle obnoxiously and sometimes cannot be seen by anyone except who they terrorize while at other times can be seen by everyone, and the main protagonist is plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, hallucinations, and has a spouse that he fails to communicate with until things go too far.  There is also the usual simple-minded plot device of the main character having to "stop running away" and face his fears, and even though some of these professional folks turn in fine performances and we even get some decent zombie make-up, it is still forgettable tripe.

SOMETIMES THEY COME BACK...AGAIN

(1996)

Dir - Adam Grossman

Overall: MEH

 

How a short story got turned into a franchise, (let alone a short story that was initially only going be a a mere segment in Lewis Teague's Cat's Eye anthology movie), just shows the extents that production companies were willing to go in milking Stephen King properties for anything that they were worth.  Sometimes They Come Back...Again is an overall improvement over its made-for-TV predecessor, going straight-to-video and featuring more nastiness and special effects.  It is also still full of its own tired-out tropes, such as a desperate and ominous old guy who speaks cryptically instead of directly, characters witnessing inexplicable things and shrugging them off, cops rolling their eyes at clearly not important things like a pet's mutilation and a family's concern over it, and arbitrary supernatural powers that are granted to the evil greaser bad guys that bide their time for no reason than to get the movie to feature-length.  At least Alexis Arquette, (still Robert Arquette, pre-transition), is a charismatic if still dilly-dallying villain and not just a forgettable one-note scumbag who does bully things on the fly.  His agenda is purely demonic here, and we get some creative and brutal kill scenes, creature-summoning rituals, freaky sex nightmares, and body mutilation.  Molly Hagan, Michael Gross, and even Hilary Swank flesh-out the cast, and even if this is still just a schlocky cash-grab sequel, Arquette's scenery-chewing and the hard R-rating is appreciated.

SOMETIMES THEY COME BACK...FOR MORE

(1998)

Dir - Daniel Zelik Berk

Overall: MEH

The Sometimes They Come Back franchise finally ran out of 50s greaser bullies to use as bad guys, switching gears completely with the final installment Sometimes They Come Back...for More.  Set at an illegal mining operation in Antarctica, two military police arrive to investigate one of the workers who apparently went violently AWOL.  Then some Latin-chanting Satan worshiping stuff and Clayton Rohner's evil brother get thrown into the mix, furthering removing this from Stephen King's source material to the point where why it was included in such a series in the first place is anyone's guess.  The minimal amount of brand recognition was apparently enough.  Besides Rohner, we have Chase Masterson and Damian Chapa joining the familiar players, and they all give the B-grade material their professional best.  First time director Daniel Zelik Berk competently stages this as a snowbound genre offering, throwing in some psychological torment amongst the demonic bad guy stuff and obvious setting comparisons to The Thing.  There is nothing remarkable or egregious here, plus the intense performances are probably enough to keep one invested, but it is still the type of schlocky stuff that is all to easy to forget mere seconds after finishing.

2023 Horror Part Six

MARUI VIDEO
Dir - Yoon Joon-Hyeong
Overall: MEH

 

In the wake of Kōji Shiraishi's Noroi: The Curse, several ominous mockumentaries have emerged from the East, none of which have boasted the type of bone-chilling ingenuity of Shiraishi's masterpiece.  Marui Video from South Korean filmmaker Yoon Joon-Hyeong is yet another faulty entry into the sub-genre, making the usual blunder of mixing standard editing and incessant incidental music within a found footage framework.  This failed approach of a conventionally put together, true crime program makes it impossible to induce the type of immersion that found footage movies at least on paper are capable of doing.  More problematic though is the convoluted plot.  There are too many characters to keep track of as the documentary crew side-steps into poorly explained avenues, to the point where all of the showstopping set pieces are head-scratching instead of scary.  Yoon seems to have a difficult time committing to an ending as well, presenting us with about a half dozen of them in the closing moments before yet another scene starts up, all coming off as inconsequential as opposed to being "Whoah!" revelatory.

THE BOOGEYMAN

Dir - Rob Savage

Overall: WOOF

 

For any Stephen King fans that were jonesin' for a cinematic adaptation of one of his earliest published short stories, the resulting The Boogeyman should logically disappoint as it arrives in the era of obnoxious jump scares, laughable CGI monsters, stoic children who speak almost exclusively in whispers and ergo do not act like any actual children anywhere on the planet, characters witnessing supernatural activity and keeping the details all to themselves, and traumatized people overcoming their grief in the most schlock-laden and syrupy manner.  King's written works are no stranger to having everything getting wrapped up in a nice little package where the sufferers defeat the evil that has befallen them with a newfound sense of acceptance and empowerment, but such an outcome is broadcast from miles away here in one of the most hack-laden presentations in recent memory.  Appallingly unoriginal, it is as if the entire production was completed by an A.I. algorithm to include every cheap horror genre aspect that is guaranteed to make sure that all audience member can check their Instagram accounts on their phone or text their buddies while only half paying attention to what is happening on screen.  Sadly, the committed performances from a top-notch cast are wasted on such tripe that cannot even nail the seemingly idiot-proof concept of a creepy thing living in the dark; a concept that should be universally chilling instead of insultingly stupid.

 

HAUNTING OF THE QUEEN MARY

Dir - Gary Shore

Overall: MEH

 

The latest from Irish-born director Gary Shore, (and his first solo full-length since 2014's ill-received Dracula Untold), Haunting of the Queen Mary is a stylized tour de force that collapses under its narrative ambitions.  Ten years in development from producer Brett Tomberlin, it is allegedly the first in a trilogy of films to be loosely based, (and presumably highly exaggerated), upon the RMS Queen Mary; a famous British ocean liner that sailed between 1936 and 1967.  Whether or not this turns into a proper franchise is to be determined, but the first crack at it wields conflicting results.  Bouncing between two timelines and often in long, elaborate single shots, Shore also incorporates documentary footage while increasingly cranking up the arbitrary, supernatural set pieces.  It oddly has the kinetic energy of schlocky, late 90s horror ala William Malone's House on Haunted Hill remake and is it is also a visual bombardment of horrendous violence, glossy/digital sheen, and ornamented set design.  Sadly though, it fails as a compelling viewing experience due to the murky-at-best plot which sluggishly spins off into no man's land.  Trying to balance about half a dozen ideas that could have carried their own narrative on their own, it is all instead thrown into one bloated, two-hour mind-trip.  It gets points for its wild grasp and retro callbacks, but viewers may need an aspirin afterwards to fight off the headache.

2019 Horror Part Eighteen

IN THE TALL GRASS

Dir - Vincenzo Natali

Overall: MEH

 

In development for several years and finally heading underway as part of a series of Stephen King works to be adapted for Netflix, In the Tall Grass is an adaptation of the short story of the same name, itself the second collaboration between King and his son Joe Hill.  A passion project for filmmaker Vincenzo Natali and his first full-length in six years, it is a faithful enough reworking of the source material that boasts one of the author's trademark, expertly unnerving premises based on something so simple as to seem obvious.  The topsy-turvy narrative is intriguing to a point as two groups of people find themselves supernaturally lost in a country field full of grass, but it all gradually succumbs to a big messy pile of convoluted schlock by the time that the credits hit, (and this is not just because the characters are literally rolling around in the wet mud whilst fighting with each other).  Performance wise, everyone does their best with the inconsistent material and Patrick Wilson is particularly enjoying the scenery-chewing that is afforded him.  Though it conceptually bites off too much with a loosey-goosey plot that purposely goes everywhere but in a straight line, Natali maintains an ominous tone and the otherworldly specifics are thankfully left ambiguous.

 

THE LONG WALK

Dir - Mattie Do

Overall: GOOD

 

The latest from the husband/wife, writer/director duo of Christopher Larsen and Mattie Do, The Long Walk is a solid yet obscured work.  Once again shot and taking place in Laos, the story is set in the undisclosed future where people have been equipped with data chips in their arms to trade digital currency, though this sci-fi angle is barely touched upon and arguably inconsequential to the rural setting that exists in a ghostly limbo which is far removed from technological advancement.  As the unnamed old man who has the ability to both communicate with the dead and to time travel, Yannawoutthi Chanthalungsy has a grief-weary demeanor that slowly unveils a type of selfish lifestyle brought on by his own traumatic past that he is unable to alter.  In this world, the dead may be comforted by the living and visa versa, yet neither are allowed to move on from either their physical or ethereal plane of existence.  Nearly two hours in length, some of the side arcs and ideas here could have been jettisoned to make the already deliberate pacing more agreeable, but the minimalist, low-key atmosphere and universally melancholic themes that it explores remain gripping.

HAUNT

Dir - Scott Beck/Bryan Woods

Overall: MEH

A flimsy yet inevitable premise HAUNTS, (har, har), Scott Beck and Bryan Woods' Halloween haunted house slasher Haunt, which is enough times in one sentence to use the word "haunt".  Throwing an obvious final girl and her mostly douchebag-adjacent friends into a scenario where maniacs in creepy masks deliberately play cat-and-mouse with them is all nothing new obviously, nor is setting it in a festive haunted house location as Bobby Roe's 2014 found footage film The House October Built likewise did.  Still, this is ideal material for a by-the-books horror movie and the predictable beats are all hit.  Obvious foreshadowing, inane dialog about "taking off" or "whats under" your mask, a laughably sketchy location that moronic characters willingly plow into, mortal wounds that people walk off, the ole "Oh no, I murdered my friend thinking it was one of the killers" gag, the ole "Someone is here to save us...oh never mind, he's dead" gag, and an ending that is meant to be badass yet comes off as schlocky audience pandering.  All of the complaints that one can launch at a movie like this are there by design, so it comes down to one's particular tastes and preference for everything following a not-at-all-challenging pattern.  So if your brain wants a break and nothing clever is needed for a night's ghoulish entertainment, this has you covered.

1990s American Horror Part Fifty-Two

GRAVEYARD SHIFT

(1990)
Dir - Ralph S. Singleton
Overall: MEH

One of the most infamous Stephen King adaptations out of a few worthy candidates, Graveyard Shift adapts the 1970 short story of the same name which initially appeared in an October issue of Cavalier magazine and then in the 1978 collection Night Shift.  The only full-length from director Ralph S. Singleton and the first work for screenwriter John Esposito, it was rushed into production after the success of Pet Sematary from the previous year, but the movie's hostile reception was more in line with Maximum Overdrive.  To be fair, the film is hardly an unmitigated disaster since the location shooting is appreciated, the gore and creature effects are satisfactory, plus the over-acting is deliberate, especially where Brad Dourif and Stephen Macht are concerned, the latter who does a ridiculous Maine accent that is worth the price of admission alone.  Still, the brisk source material is stretched thin and the film is padded with long bouts of petty and melodramatic side-arcs amongst gruff characters who seem more like caricatures than real people.  Macht's villainous agenda progresses with no rhyme or reason to it, besides giving the audience someone whose gruesome death they can applaud.  It is crap, but adequately done crap and people could do worse when venturing down the rat hole of cinematic King interpretations.

EVIL TOONS

(1992)

Dir - Fred Olen Ray

Overall: MEH

With Dick Miller, David Carradine, gratuitous female nudity, and ninety seconds of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? live action/animation all thrown into the mix, one would think that the results would at least be worth the price of admission.  While Evil Toons stays in its lane and knows exactly what kind of low-budget schlock that it is delivering, it is still a missed opportunity of comedy horror high-jinks.  Shot in eight days, at a single location, and with the usual amount of no money that Ray consistently had to work with, most of the running time is spent with harmlessly sleazy T&A action as Penthouse Pet/Skinimax queen Monique Gabrielle plus three other often-naked ladies trade juvenile Valley girl banter with each other while doing spontaneous stripteases, fondling themselves in the mirror, or sleeping on the floor in their underwear.  The plot line can be chalked up to "Evil Dead except with boobs and stupid" since the same human-skin-covered Necronomicon makes an appearance, except this one unleashes a horny cartoon demon that turns one of the ladies into a vampire thing because sure whatever.  Sadly, both Miller and Carradine are wasted with each of them only appearing in a couple of scenes, but the movie is knowingly silly and booby-filled enough to be embarrassing yet at least not INSULTINGLY embarrassing.

CHERRY FALLS

(1999)

Dir - Geoffrey Wright

Overall: WOOF

Suffering the uphill battle of having a ridiculously inept tone as well as being yet another teen slasher romp that is as 1999 as any 1999 movie ever was, Cherry Falls is a bizarre and ridiculous entry in its insultingly over-saturated sub-genre.  Originally rejected by the MPAA ratings board, the movie was eventually released in a watered-down version by USA Films which is perplexing concerning something that features nasty kills and a finale with a high school orgy as its center piece.  Post-Scream movies of such an ilk were required to be self-referential to some extent and Ken Selden's script here makes an awkward-at-best attempt to spoof the concept of a giallo-styled killer that murders sexually promiscuous young adults.  Instead, the victims here are specifically virgins due to a deliberately "Huh?" reveal in the closing moments that is laughably absurd and delivered with the same inconsistent mix of goofiness and harrowing brutality.  While it is impossible to be intimidated by Jay Mohr in any capacity whatsoever, Brittany Murphy makes a lovable, twenty-two year old, alt-grunge high schooler and Michael Biehn is a pleasant edition to anything, including something as stupid as this.  Otherwise though, every single student character is relentlessly unlikable and comes off like a dated stereotype that only exist in hackneyed screenplays, plus the slasher framework is as boringly upheld as ever.

2017 Horror Part Ten

IT

Dir - Andy Muschietti

Overall: MEH

Several years in development to somewhat redeem the rather flawed 1990 miniseries, the first inevitable remake of Stephen King's It plays all of its cards as safety as possible with predictably derivative results.  Argentine-born Andy Muschietti was the last in a handful of directors to land the gig, but this has all of the feel of a major budgeted, big studio production as opposed to a filmmaker's vision because the former is exactly what it is.  A criminal amount of jump scares are utilized that emerge literally every single time that the incessant music shuts up for a second or two, plus all would-be frightening set pieces are made ridiculous by atrocious CGI and hackey sound design.  So stylistically, this is pure, relentless popcorn schlock that renders the entire production laughable instead of even remotely scary.  The script, (which likewise numerous screenwriters took a stab at), updates King's source material understandably enough and wisely omits that whole underage orgy plot point, but even at over two hours in length, the film feels rushed in trying to establish its array of characters and the family dysfunction that motivates their bonding experience.  Because both the novel and the Tim Curry-led miniseries are seeped in popular culture at this point, this adaptation gets by on the familiarity of its bullet points as opposed to deeply exploring or enhancing them.  Speaking of Curry, at least Bill Skarsgård does not make a bad Pennywise for his select few moments on screen where he is not reduced to a pointy-mouthed cartoon.  Plus Finn Wolfhard steels the show as the wise-cracking Richie Tozier, the only character thankfully allowed to not take such nonsense seriously.

HOUSEWIFE

Dir - Can Evrenol

Overall: GOOD

Once again basking in the Satanic, Euro-horror sleaze of yesteryear like a gleeful kid in a candy store, Turkish filmmaker Can Evrenol delivers another nightmare logic bit of absurdity with Housewife, his English-speaking follow-up to 2015's equally grotesque and bananas Baskin.  Perhaps the best aspect of Evrenol's growing aesthetic is that he manages to create spiritual homages to the work of Mario Bava, Lucio Fulci, Paul Nashcy, and any other European cult movie trailblazer from the 1970s without stylistically copycatting old school cinematic tactics.  Instead, his vision is his own and something wholly seeped in the contemporary, even if this sometimes means that hacky dialog and annoying jump scares rear their ugly head to appease the James Wan fan who may come across his stuff.  The old school nods are unmistakable for those who share Evrenol's exploitation tastes but of course, this would be merely a derivative throwback for the sake of it if he did not up the ante with some gasp-worthy moves of his own.  Exploring repressed, childhood trauma and the fear of motherhood in a delightfully ridiculous manner that pulls out all of the occult stops in an off-the-rails finale, the story here will probably never hold up under a microscope, but if one is down for the hellish ride, you cannot help but applaud its absurdity.

THE BABYSITTER

Dir - McG

Overall: MEH

Far too in on its own self referential, meta joke, The Babysitter is another horror comedy that tries way too hard to be clever while making fun of genre tropes left and right.  Brian Duffield's script was picked up from 2014's Black List by director McG who had previous done those stupid Charlie's Angels movies and Terminator: Salvation, oye.  Going in blind which is essential for something like this, there sure is one hellova rug pull that happens in the second act, but everything surrounding that rug pull is a combination of idiotic and obnoxious character traits for everyone on screen, plus plot points that are nowhere near funny enough to justify how nonsensical they are.  Samantha Weaving's title character and Judah Lewis' "afraid of everything who of course is going to overcome all of his set-up fears by film's end" protagonist assuredly make the most unrealistic babysitter/babysittee duo in the history of recorded fiction.  Having adorable science-fiction nerd-out conversations, sharing in-jokes, reciting lines to old movies, and, (most nauseating of all), actually performing a choreographed dance with each other, it is all enough to bail on the movie before it even gets going.  Once it does, the blood-drenched, foul-mouthed gags solely rely on everyone behaving in a preposterous manner, but the movie goes for heart-warming, coming-of-age cuteness at the same time which makes for a misguided, annoying tone that never formulates itself successfully.  By the time "We Are the Champions" plays while Lewis inexplicably drives a retro car into his own house, flips over several times, and walks away without a scratch, it is also about time to ask for your eight-five minutes back.

2019 Horror Part Eleven

SYNCHRONIC

Dir - Justin Benson/Aaron Moorhead

Overall: MEH

Continuing in the trajectory and likely the same cinematic universe as two of their previous movies Resolution and The Endless, filmmaking team Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead's Synchronic is unfortunately a bit of a misstep, not quite reaching what it is striving for.  Themes of chance play somewhat heavily where the two best friends lament about how their lives could have went in various paths, if only different choices been made.  On this note, it makes sense to hinge the story on the concept of a recreational drug that can literally send you back to random spots in time depending on where you physically are at the moment that it kicks in/wears off.  While the performances are solid, there are a handful of fun set pieces, and the special effects are expertly used, there is also a bit of an issue that Benson's script seems pretty dodgy along the way.  The characters are underwritten to various extents, which makes the downer ending fail to connect, plus the "ridiculous on paper" premise stands out more as a half-baked bit of flimsy sci-fi nonsense as opposed to something to truly slam home its series of unique, contemplative ideas.

 

THE SIREN

Dir - Perry Blackshear

Overall: MEH

 

An interesting if ultimately just partially successful follow-up to his very solid debut They Look Like People, Perry Blackshear's The Siren, (The Rusalka), utilizes the same understated approach to what is another emotionally-driven character study.  Evan Dumouchel, MacLeod Andrews, and Margaret Ying Drake all return, making up virtually the entire speaking cast who are each dealing with a severe, consuming sense of loss and loneliness.  This particular brand of inner turmoil is at the core of the film and the actors are all exceptional, delivering only sparse dialog, (and in Dumouchel's case who plays a literal mute, no dialog at all), largely relying on subtle mannerisms to exhibit a desperate need for attachment.  Blackshear still makes excellent use out of merely some creepy contact lenses, sound effects, a few filters, and intimate camerawork in place of special effects, but it is in the simplistic plotting that gives everything too stagnant of a feel.  Provided by a voice over, we are given almost the entire premise within the first minute of the running time and while the cinematography is alluring to a point, everything simmers a bit too much with repetitive, interchangeable scenes where the same information is conveyed again and again.  There are also a few predictable, awful jump scares that Blackshear could not resist in utilizing, which is a step down in its own right from the cliche-less They Look Like People by comparison.

IT CHAPTER TWO

Dir - Andy Muschietti

Overall: MEH

Whereas director Andy Muschietti's first It adaptation was simply a neutered, by-the-books, big glossy horror production like any other from a major studio, It Chapter Two finishes off wrapping up the source material with added tonal blunders in tow.  Unmercifully bloated to nearly three-hours in length, it tells a mirror image story where once again the Loser Club, (now grown to adulthood), visit the same sets, go through the same motions, and each individually get scared by incredibly awful CGI cartoons where loud clangy noises punctuate each and every such scene.  Bill Hader is a logical choice for the grown up version of Richie Tozier; a character that basically provided the chuckle relief all on his lonesome in the first film.  While Hader does a solid job as do the rest of the grown-up cast, unfortunately the comedic beats are much more abundant and forced, with ADRed quips and one utterly baffling pop music drop for about three seconds that legitimately seems like it was a last minute mistake that made the final cut.  It is bad enough that Bill Skarsgård's head is attached to a giant, smashy crab monster, (a monster that is one of Stephen King's many cocaine-fueled ideas that made it into both this and the likewise botched 1990 miniseries), but when characters and set pieces are going for idiot-pleasing nyuck nyucks in the middle of what should be harrowing, supernatural, pants-shitting terror, things once again aggressively fall down the stairs into eyeball-rolling schlock.  Though coming from such a bombastic and bloated novel in the first place that probably had no prayer of providing anything remotely creepy on the subtle end of the spectrum, why NOT go for broke and crank it all up to eleven?

1990s American Horror Part Twenty-Six

MISERY
(1990)
Dir - Rob Reiner
Overall: GOOD

The only detour into the horror genre from director Rob Reiner ended up being widely recognized as a one of the best Stephen King adaptations ever made.  While Misery may not boast any supernatural components and is more accurately in the thriller vein, its solid reputation is quite justified with the usual disturbing King premise, tight pacing, and skilled performances out of its two leads.  In the role that kicked her career into hyper-drive, Kathy Bates makes an iconic "cuckoo for cocoa puffs" villain while James Caan steps out of his usual tough guy persona and becomes the vulnerable victim.  Reiner and prominent screenwriter William Goldman faithfully streamline the novel while tweaking the infamous scene where Annie Wilkes breaks writer Paul Sheldon's ankles instead of severing them, which makes her slightly less monstrous enough to feel some level of pity for.  Riding that line of tongue-in-cheek schlock is a tricky yet essential one in ordter for such naturally outrageous material to work and thankfully, Reiner and co satisfyingly elevate things here until the last uncomfortable, balls-out act.

TALES FROM THE CRYPT: DEMON KNIGHT
(1995)
Dir - Ernest R. Dickerson
Overall: GOOD

Banking on the success of the popular/now iconic television series, Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight was the first theatrically released tie-in film which plays exactly like a full-length version of the show, with the same opening and bookending Crypt Keeper segments in tow.  The script was originally its own beast, going through several directors and studios before kicking off what was planned to be a trilogy of Tales from the Crypt movies, though only two were ultimately made.  Because of this, the story is not an adaptation of one of the original EC Comics titles and is instead a Biblical end of days bit of schlock that intentionally leans into its B-movie archetypes.  One of those archetypes is rather loose plotting that features a handful of "stupid people in horror movies" cliches, yet director Ernest R. Dickerson seems to know his audience and keeps up a highly engaging pace with his first work in the genre.  As the main, wise-talking baddie, Billy Zane chews up the scenery accordingly and the practical effects deliver the blood-drenched, slimy goods.  It is no masterpiece, but as silly, entertaining, and macabre popcorn fare, it delivers all that is required.

BELOVED
(1998)
Dir - Johnathan Demme

Overall: GOOD

Johnathan Demme's follow-up to the Oscar winning Silence of the Lambs and Philadelphia was the ambitious and largely faithful adaptation of Toni Morrison's novel Beloved, which unfortunately failed commercially.  Oprah Winfrey secured the film rights to Morrison's source material shorty after it was published over a decade earlier and this reunites her with The Color Purple co-star Danny Glover, both of whom turn in stellar performances along with Kimberly Elise as Winfrey's daughter Denver.  The only work in Demme's filmography with a supernatural component, it is far more disturbing in its historical depictions of slavery and the troubled aftermath of the Civil War than in any horror movie type moments.  This is fitting though as the highly traumatic past of the characters would have been cheapened by conventional genre pandering and the overarching theme of manifested guilt and the eventual outcome therein hits stronger in this more serious, be it melodramatic tone.  While it is steadily sensationalized and the nearly three-hour running time is a bit cumbersome, it is still a powerful work as was clearly the intention.

1990s American Horror Part Twenty-Five

IT

(1990)

Dir - Tommy Lee Wallace

Overall: MEH

 

ABC's partially inconsistent adaptation of Stephen King's massive, cocaine-fueled novel It is a frustrating view.  Originally even longer in length to accommodate the intimidating source material, George A. Romero was set to be behind the lens and did a considerable amount of pre-production work on it before scheduling issues forced him out and John Carpenter collaborator Tommy Lee Wallace in.  Given a hefty budget for a miniseries, Wallace and his production crew stage some creepy and fun set pieces and for his role as Pennywise the Clown, Tim Curry created one of the most memorable horror movie bad guys of all time.  Elsewhere though, the condensed script comes off more silly and plot hole-filled than anything.  There is a campy charm to the sterile television presentation at times, making it less frightening than it otherwise could have been.  Most troublesome of all though is the weak ending which jumps from a goofy looking spider monster to a level of sugary, sickening sap that would even make Stephen Spielberg embarrassed.

 

HOCUS POCUS

(1993)

Dir - Kenny Ortega

Overall: WOOF

 

The incessantly obnoxious kiddie horror film Hocus Pocus is quite the mangled effort.  The original script by Mick Garris was heavily re-worked to tone down its more gruesome elements, but the resulting plot is a slapdash mess that barely keeps its ill-conceived rules together if it does so at all.  Even for a cutesy Disney product, it is bombastically joyless.  The concept of Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy either bellowing, screaming, or mumbling their, (very), unfunny dialog like an embarrassing imrpov version of the Three Stooges grows old immediately, and it only gets more impossible to stomach from there.  None of the other characters or performances come off any more amusing and without any exceptions, every attempt at a gag would only make someone laugh if they do not know what comedy is.  Some people may have miraculously fallen under its antithesis of charm over the years, (lord help them), but this is too annoying to be enjoyable even in a trainwreck capacity, more logical to be avoided like the plague.  If you want your kiddie Halloween fix, clearly just watch Tim Curry sing "Anything Can Happen on Halloween" from The Worst Witch instead.

 

THE FRIGHTENERS

(1996)

Dir - Peter Jackson

Overall: GOOD

 

Just before venturing into Middle Earth for several years, Peter Jackson made his to date final comedy/horror hybrid The Frighteners.  Jackson and partner Fran Walsh initially put the script together on Robert Zemeckis' insistence as a possible feature-length entry to the Tales from the Crypt series.  The resulting film, (which was shot in Jackson's native New Zealand though set in the American Midwest), is far more commercial than the director's early, independent, degenerate splatter movies, yet it is still bombastic in an almost Sam Raimi pizazz sense.  Jackson's always hyper-fueled pacing is in full swing with Danny Elfman providing his usual deafening and persistent score.  Michael J. Fox is highly likeable in the lead while Jack Busey, Dee Walace, and especially Jeffrey Combs crank it up to eleven in supporting roles.  Jackson's newly formed Weta Digital company has a field day with the cartoony special effects, some of the most elaborate and time-consuming to produce at the time.  While the script fails to connect some of its intricate pieces, the movie is still a highly enjoyable bit of popcorn ready, dark humor fun.

1980s American Horror Part Fifty-Two

THE BOOGEYMAN

(1980)

Dir - Ulli Lommel

Overall: MEH

The generically titled The Boogeyman from German actor/filmmaker Ulli Lommel may not be exclusively formulaic in its execution, but it is an unmistakable dud all the same.  Lommel's script was inspired by some personal, childhood fears and throws in references to The Amityville Horror, The Exorcist, and various other slasher motifs in a vague, stylistic sense.  Speaking of vague, none of the supernatural elements seem coherently placed, with wishy-washy Freudian subtext and superstition based folklore mucking up a series of murders and fantastical encounters.  Sadly, Lommel is not a skilled enough director to make the unfocused plot work and nearly all of the frightful scenes are accidentally hilarious instead.  This includes an evil "possessed voice" that sounds like a five year old trying to intimidate their parents into giving them more ice cream for dessert.  Such attempts at frightening atmospherics also fall flat due to the low-end production values and sub-par cast which includes a small role for John Carradine who sadly was very much in the "anything for a paycheck" stage of his career.

HAUNTED HONEYMOON

(1986)

Dir - Gene Wilder

Overall: GOOD

 

Gene Wilder closed out the directorial end of his filmography with the throwback, self-proclaimed comedy chiller Haunted Honeymoon.  Set during the 1930s in which movies that directly inspired it like The Old Dark House and The Cat and the Canary were made, it is a shameless homage to juvenile wackiness and retro spook show tactics that Wilder and his likeable cast seem mutually fond of.  Also doubling as a couples vehicle for he and wife Gilda Radner, (in her final film role before succumbing to ovarian cancer three years later), their cutesy chemistry unmistakably comes through and one or two song and dance numbers help keep things solely on the lighter side.  Both Dom DeLuise and Roger Ashton-Griffiths perform in drag, the latter as a corpse and the former as a wailing old Auntie.  Even with the rest of the cast mostly playing it straight, the silly factor is cranked all the way up and Wilder throws enough puns and illogical haunted house gags at the audience to forgive the ridiculously convoluted, short-sighted plot.  It certainly delivers on its intentions and has a goofball charm that is easy to fall for.  They also remembered to throw a werewolf into the proceedings because why would they not?

A RETURN TO SALEM'S LOT

(1987)

Dir - Larry Cohen

Overall: WOOF

Joining the ranks of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2, American Werewolf in Paris, and Exorcist II: The Heretic as one of the worst horror sequels ever made, A Return to Salem's Lot is a continuation of the outstanding 1979 miniseries in name only.  Larry Cohen had penned a rejected screenplay for the aforementioned Stephen King adaptation and finally took on a follow-up project when Warner Bros. approached him years later to make something on the cheap.  This certainly qualifies but problems persist far beyond the shoddy production values.  Cohen at his worst was a tonally inept filmmaker; one that combined humor, strangeness, absurd plotting, and gore in an aggravatingly awkward fashion.  His trademark weaknesses are in "peak" form here as the movie fumbles all of its comedic intentions with a presentation that seems to be half purposely "bad movie terrible" and half tongue-in-cheek camp.  Maybe those two are the same things though.  Throw in a foul-mouthed kid who never stops deserving to be smacked, a foul-mouthed Samuel Fuller who tries desperately to schlock-up the proceedings, yet another aloof performance from Cohen's inexplicably favorite leading man Michael Moriarty, and a musical score that is so repetitive as to cause nausea, and everything here deserves to be erased from one's memory.

1980s American Horror Part Fifty-One

THE NINTH CONFIGURATION

(1980)

Dir - William Peter Blatty

Overall: GOOD

While it is not a horror film, William Peter Blatty's directorial debut The Ninth Configuration is based off of his own novel of the same name, a novel that is the second installment of the author's "Faith trilogy" which could be seen to coexist in the same universe as The Exorcist.   A bizarre and challenging work, it is littered with colorful performances that range from pure, excitable eccentricity to zen-like, deliberate contemplative states where a Pacific Northwestern castle is home to Vietnam vets that have suffered mental breakdowns.  The plot is elaborate and before it introduces the foreseeable twist in the third act where it get streamlined a bit, things are difficult to come to terms with.  The dialog is uniquely rich though; both funny and philosophical as it takes on a hypnotic quality after awhile where just watching the crop of top-notch actors sink their teeth into their roles is more enticing than actually following the narrative.  Stacy Keach, Jason Miller, Ed Flanders, and particularly Scott Wilson as a bitter, traumatized former astronaut are all in peak form, with minor roles from Tom Atkins, Robert Loggia, Steven Sandor, Richard Lynch, and Neville Brand providing plenty of memorable moments of their own.

A STRANGER IS WATCHING
(1982)
Dir - Sean S. Cunningham
Overall: GOOD

Sean S. Cunningham's follow-up to the initial Friday the 13th is the gritty adaptation of Mary Higgins Clark's 1977 novel A Stranger Is Watching.  Largely set in the grime-covered underbelly of Grand Central Station, it features command performances from all involved, with Shawn von Schreiber, (in her only acting role ever), as a terrified eleven year old, Rip Torn being particularly odious as her rotten-mouthed kidnapper, and Captain Janeway herself Kate Mulgrew making a resourceful news anchor who gets caught up in the scheme.  The plot manages to be suspenseful without being loaded with surprises, though the combination of disturbing subject matter and a relentless stream of close calls may prove to be too ugly and frustrating for most viewers.  Still, Cunningham handles the proceedings with a keen sense of pacing, the location shooting provides the right ominous atmosphere, and there is at least a naturalistic brutality to it that steers light years away from the director's aforementioned, moronic Friday the 13th predecessor that inexplicably spawned a franchise.

CREEPSHOW 2

(1987)

Dir - Michael Gornick

Overall: MEH

Though technically sub-par, there are still moments of gleefully ghoulish, 80s horror fun in Creepshow 2, the sequel to the beloved and, (universally considered), superior initial Creepshow from 1982.  The first film's cinematographer Michael Gornick takes over for George A. Romero in the director's chair, though the latter stuck around to pen the screenplay along with an uncredited Lucille Fletcher.  Featuring only three stories instead of five to save on production costs, all of them are once again Stephen King adaptations, with the author himself making a cameo appearance as a truck driver.  The tone is perfectly in keeping with what had already been established and most of the humor comes from Joe Silver's Creep narration between segments, (the Creep himself being played under heavy guise by Tom Savini).  Because there are merely three segments, each one could do with some trimming to keep the momentum going, but they all have some nasty gore to please the intended fanbase.  It is certainly not a bad anthology outing; it is just cheaper and duller than what could otherwise be hoped for.

1980s David Cronenberg

SCANNERS

(1981)

Overall: MEH

Boasting a compelling and bizarre premise, a wonderfully scene-chewing performance from Michael Ironside, and of course that dude's head blowing up, Scanners is still a slight misstep from David Cronenberg who otherwise was on a solid roll at the time.  The most unmistakable drawback is the lead performance from Stephen Lack whose strange, unemotive line-readings seem consistently amatuerish and off-putting.  It is also a problem that the actual character is poorly fleshed-out, which can be said about everyone else as well.  With no one coming off as relatable on screen, (or in Lack's case, even convincing), the movie struggles to emotionally connect its story of underground groups of telepathic psychics.  Again though, there are some nifty ideas here and memorable scenes, even besides the celebrated head explosion.  Legendary make-up artist Dick Smith does his usual stellar work and the ending between Ironside and Lack both duking it out with their destructive brain powers is some wonderful body horror.  Coming from Cronenberg, this is only natural yet also coming from Cronenberg, the rest of his 80s output was far stronger.

 

THE DEAD ZONE

(1983)

Overall: GOOD

The only Stephen King adaptation from David Cronenberg, The Dead Zone represents one of the strongest cinematic entries for both director and author.  Originally a Lorimar Film Entertainment production, the company ultimately went belly-up before the project could get off the ground, eventually getting in the hands of Dino De Laurentiis who went through a few screenwriters, (including King himself whose treatment of his own material was classified as "involved and convoluted"), before Cronenberg got on board.  This was the first of his movies not to be written by him and perhaps because of that, it does not have the explicitly stated body horror elements of his usual work.  Still, the source material does deal with awakened senses and this in effect produces at least a psychic morph with disturbing results.  Christopher Walken delivers one of his strongest performances as a man both cursed and blessed with second sight who paid terribly for a "gift" that he hardly asked for.  Martin Sheen is likewise excellent as a shady politician and he would play yet another creep in the following year's Firestarter, also from King.

DEAD RINGERS

(1988)

Overall: GREAT

After a steady stream of bizarre body horror excursions, David Cronenberg went introspective for the first time with Dead Ringers, one of his most artistically triumphant works.  Based in part on the mysterious, real life deaths of gynecologist twins Stewart and Cyril Marcus as well as the book Twins by Bari Wood, the movie examines the complex, emotional dependency of such siblings whose personalities are markedly different yet become more and more interchangeable as their detachment succumbs to the traumatic.  Jeremy Irons is utterly terrific in the dual lead, who never once exaggerates his performances in a gimmicky way.  Instead, he portrays subtle yet clear contrasts in each twin's behavior and makes them both equally sympathetic even as their actions become self destructive and morally deplorable.  The split screen special effects hold up quite well and Cronenberg indulges in very few gross-out gore moments, which grounds the still extreme subject matter appropriately.  It is quite a stretch in fact to label this a horror film at all, certainly in a traditional sense even by the director's usual, challenging standards.  Though it does deal with rather explicit and shocking events, the focus is purely psychological and it remains quite fascinating and fully realized.

1970s American Horror Part Twenty-Nine

THE NIGHT STALKER

(1972)

Dir - John Llewellyn Moxey

Overall: GREAT

One of the most popular and endearing television horror movies on the 1970s, The Night Stalker spawned a sequel and a season long series.  Some heavy hitters were involved in the production, namely screenwriter Richard Matheson and producer Dan Curtis, making this the first of several collaborations between the two.  The story was based on Jeff Rice's then unpublished novel The Kolchk Tapes and seasoned TV actor Darren McGavin was brought in to play the title character.  Along with the dad in A Christmas Story, this would become McGavin's signature role and he is effortlessly likeable as the stubborn reporter who undermines the authorities while never being allowed to get the real supernatural news published to the masses.  While the hilarious banter between he and Simon Oakland's Tony Vincenzo would be much further elaborated upon later, they still have a handful of intense scenes here which set the template.  British director John Llewellyn Moxey takes a wonderful, subdued approach to the material, staging numerous moments to heart-pumping silence and maintaining a frightening aura of mystery around Barry Atwater's non-speaking, blood shot-eyed vampire.

 

SEIZURE

(1974)

Dir - Oliver Stone

Overall: MEH

 

Writer/director Oliver Stone began his career with the odd, mostly unintentionally goofy horror film Seizure.  The then upstart filmmaker scored a considerably notable genre movie cast for his modest debut, including Johnathan Frid, Martine Beswick, Hervé Villechaize, and Mary Woronov.  Save a few exceptions, the performances are all either oddly aloof or unnaturally pretentious though.  The script features laughable, faux-profound monologues one after the other and it becomes difficult to follow what the point of any of it is supposed to be.  Stone's skills behind the lens were just as shoddy, with several attempts to liven things up involving warped close-ups and horrendously inappropriate, romantic music interjecting characters as they wax poetically.  Further chuckles can be found in Villechaize being about as menacing as you would expect him to be, looking quite foolish as he adorably threatens and jumps on people.  There are plenty of other baffling moments to make it a head-scratching experience to be sure and one that Stone probably wishes would be better left forgotten.

CARRIE

(1976)

Dir - Brian De Palma

Overall: GOOD

The first published Stephen King novel Carrie also fittingly became the first to be adapted for the screen.  Brian De Palma was steady off of a block of thriller/horror films when he pushed for the rights from King and the result became one of the best received and highest grossing genre movies of the decade.  In the title role, Sissy Spacek is miles away from the homely, chubby, acne-ridden description in the source material, yet her performance is nevertheless fantastic.  The famous "prom night from hell" scene where she switches from a frail, horrendously mistreated outcast to a terrifying revenge monster is one of the most memorable ever filmed and Spacek channels such wildly different emotional states flawlessly.  As her disturbed mother, Piper Laurie is rather scene stealing as well and with a few more benevolent exceptions, the rest of the recognizable cast make textbook cruel high school bully foibles.  De Palma is still directly drawing upon his hero Alfred Hitchcock for thematic references with split screens and screechy violin cues right out of Psycho, plus his further use of slow motion and the occasional lush score from Pino Donaggio gives everything the right bizarre, unnatural feel.

1980s John Carpenter Part Two

CHRISTINE

(1983)

Overall: GOOD

 

Little time was wasted with John Carpenter's adaptation of Stephen King's Christine as the film went into production mere days after the novel was released.  Carpenter was hot off the financial and critical disaster that was The Thing, taking the director for hire job here while he was working on, (and ultimately got dropped from), Firestarter, yet another King-based project.  While the source material is one of several from the author that proves a bit difficult to take all that seriously, the resulting movie has enough fun with the concept of a demonically possessed, 1958 Plymouth Fury.  Several rock songs are used for on-the-nose, comedic effect and it is always nice to see scumbag bullies getting their comeuppance in such an over-the-top fashion.  Keith Gordon is ideally cast as the picked-on nerd turned obsessive sociopath and despite his highly questionable behavior, the story still manages to make him sympathetic since it is quite clear that his inevitable demise is entirely the evil automobile's doing.  On that note, Carpenter effectively toys a bit with the audience, shifting the behavior of Gordon's Arnie Cunningham rather abruptly while focusing more on the supporting characters.  This makes the teenager/malevolent car dynamic more creepy and unsettling, at least as much as can be allowed with such a borderline silly premise.

 

STARMAN

(1984)

Overall: GOOD

 

In 1984, John Carpenter was well on his way in establishing himself as a go-to horror director which is one of the many things that makes the science fiction love story Starman such a welcome departure.  In development for a number of years with numerous screenwriters and directors attached, it finally got off the ground after E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial became the biggest grossing movie ever and this acts as a more subdued, emotionally-driven counterpart to it.  Jeff Bridges and Karen Allen carry the entire film and both turn in rather superb performances.  While Bridges convincingly pulls-off a somewhat standard and benevolent fish out of water alien, Allen's trauma-induced attachment to him is genuinely heartfelt and her character's arc of being terrified, confused, and eventually in love with a being from another world is just as believable.  Noted film composer Jack Nitzsche delivers a somewhat Carpenter-esque synth score that plays prominently throughout and the movie's relatively small number of special effects shots have aged better than many from the period.  For a simple enough story with many well-established "alien from another world visits primitive, violence-prone earthlings" tropes in place, its focus is primarily in a far more interesting, compassionate place.

 

PRINCE OF DARKNESS

(1987)

Overall: GOOD

Part two in John Carpenter’s “they have nothing at all to do with each other” Apocalypse Trilogy, Prince of Darkness is another slightly above average outing in the man’s repertoire.  As a direct follow up to Big Trouble In Little China, it has a notably darker tone, execution, and premise, adhering strictly to straight horror.  The concept of physics, religion, cryptic messages from the future in dream form, zombie-like possession, and Satan made flesh all mesh together and are served up with very minimal humor.  Dennis Dun, (Wang from BTILC), pretty much carries the comic relief all by his lonesome, but it comes off very out of place with the dread-fueled seriousness of everything else.  Considering that it is a mess at times then, it still manages to be surprisingly successful.  There are some solid moments, including one of the greatest devoured-by-bugs scenes you are likely to ever find.  Similar to Carpenter's The Fog though, most of the leads are rather snore-inducing and the grand finale falls flat.   Even at his most average though which this fairly can be described as, Carpenter produces some compelling and inventive genre fare.