2011 Horror Part Twelve

THE THEATRE BIZARRE

Dir - Douglas Buck/Buddy Giovinazzo/David Gregory/Karim Hussain/Tom Savini/Richard Stanley/Jeremy Kasten

Overall: MEH

 

A cheap anthology extravaganza that is as inconsistent as the lot of em, The Theatre Bizarre brings together seven filmmakers, Richard Stanley and Tom Savini being the biggest names.  This was Stanley's first foray into horror in a decade and a half, (if one is to count his mangled The Island of Dr. Moreau which he was fired from only two weeks into filming), and he opens everything here with the Lovecraft-adjacent Clark Ashton Smith adaptation "The Mother of Toads".  A schlocky Euro-throwback of sorts, it is far from memorable, but considering that it may be the best segment here, that does not bare well for what follows.  Buddy Giovinazzo's "I Love You" is half-baked, Savini's "Wet Dreams" is merely squeamish, Douglas Buck's "The Accident" does not belong here at all, (it has nothing to do with horror), Karim Hussain's "Vision Stains" has an equally awkward presentation and premise, David Gregory's "Sweets" is nauseating and pointless, and Jeremy Kasten's wrap-round segment with Udo Kier playing a sentient marionette brings nothing of interest to the table.  Though tones vary, the entire production has a soft digital sheen to it that is poorly conducive to sinister atmosphere, but fans of gross-out gore, boobs, and squishy sound effects might not find it to be a complete waste.

 

THE SELLING

Dir - Emily Lou Wilbur

Overall: MEH

 

The only film thus far from director Emily Lou Wilbur, The Selling it typical of many contemporary comedies, namely in the fact that it refuses to allow a single character to air on the side of normal.  While it is less obnoxious than many other prime examples of this faux pas, (looking in your direction Josh Ruben), it is still a mediocre melding of haunted house tropes with wacky hijinks for the mere sake of them.  The movie's screenwriter Gabriel Danni plays a sheepish real estate agent named Richard Scarry, (that is not a typo), who tries to sell an aggressively haunted abode that is inhabited by the same demon/ghost/whatever that possessed a serial killer years back, as well as said serial killer's many victims who whisper "get out" in a Sizzler voice and arbitrarily cause mischief while other times laying dormant.  Taking liberties with supernatural behavior is nothing new to the genre, so it would be unfair to pick on Danni's screenplay for that, and he does make it a point to take the piss out of many genre motifs that have long become hackneyed.  The tone never stops being ridiculous even when Danni is dealing with his cancer-ridden mother, and some of the gags are silly enough without being grating, but it still tries harder than it succeeds, regularly teetering on announce. 

 

MIDNIGHT SON

Dir - Scott Leberecht

Overall: GOOD

 

This full-length indie debut Midnight Son from writer/director Scott Leberecht is one of many vampire films that leans into the addiction angle of such a fictional ailment, something that fits well within such a low budget and intimate framework.  Zak Kilberg portrays a young man that has a "skin condition" and works the night shift, eventually running into drug dealers who score him some crimson plasma to suck down by nefarious means, as well as Maya Parish's waitress with a nose powder problem who would otherwise be an ideal person to start a romance with.  Digitally shot, most of the film is presented in handheld sobering closeups, enhancing a type of claustrophobic atmosphere that plays into the character's trapped sense of isolation, both Kilberg and Parish finding it difficult to connect with each other as much as they would like to due to their substance dependency issues.  As things inevitably escalate, some of the dramatic plot points seem forced, springing up suddenly and coming off as less convincing than the more lingering moments of Kilberg and Parish merely dealing with their day to day struggles and inability to open up to each other.  For the most part though, the film plays to its strengths and suffices as a low-key tragedy that makes it a point to take the romanticism out of blood-sucking tropes.

2011 Horror Part Eleven

KOTOKO

Dir - Shinya Tsukamoto

Overall: MEH

Another ultra low-budget slab of disturbed weirdness with aggravatingly awful cinematography from fringe filmmaker Shinya Tsukamoto, Kotoko finds him collaborating with J-pop artist Cocco on a harrowing journey into a single mother's severe mental illness.  Both Tsukamoto and Cocco share many of the production duties as well as having the most substantial roles on screen, concocting a psychological nightmare that is presented as straight-forward as such a thing can be, with little of the director's usual body horror elements thrown in to freak up the experience.  As a woman whose emotional anguish is never explained in any kind of backstory, Cocco is still captivating as she suffers a never-ending series of violent hallucinations, to the point where any audience member will be questioning every event that we see, including the existence of Tsukamoto's character who falls inexplicably in love with her singing voice to the point where he willfully undergoes body mutilation and violent outbursts.  Cocco's struggling mama may not even be a mama for all we know, but the vagueness of her particularly unnerving ailments is not so much of a problem as is some of the movie's awkard moments, tonal inconsistencies, and the aforementioned out of focus, hand-held camerawork.  Singing segments go on for ages and there are dark humor beats thrown in that jive oddly with moments such as Cocco strangling her toddler son and said son having his brains blown out by a machine gun blast.

JUAN OF THE DEAD

Dir - Alejandro Brugués

Overall: GOOD

 

Riding the line of crass stupidity and clever political commentary, Alejandro Brugués' sophomore full-length Juan of the Dead, (Juan de los Muertos), is a mixed bag of zombie apocalypse high-jinks, yet for another goddamn movie about such a thing, it skirts by with what its got.  Done on a lousy enough budget that is forced to rely on horrendous CGI effects and sub-par undead makeup, the Cuban setting is wonderfully utilized and serves as the primary focus where a walking corpse outbreak is treated as just some more bullshit for the socialist state to deal with; a state that seems to breed slackers and misfits who are all too familiar with not trusting their government and fending for themselves.  This gives it enough of an edge over other zombie comedies out there, as does the hilarious disregard for human life all around.  The title character and his rag-tag group of losers are not a likeable bunch, taking capitalist advantage of their situation, murdering non-zombies either accidentally or purposely if they owe them money at least, and remaining degenerate schlubs through and through.  Still, Brugués interjects some heart underneath all of the gay jokes, naked escapades, slapstick, and references to other horror flicks, leading to a final act that miraculously has some sincere character moments to root for.

 

GUILTY OF ROMANCE

Dir - Sion Sono

Overall: MEH

Inspired loosely by the 1997 murder of Yasuko Watanabe who was an economic researcher that moonlit as a prostitute, Guilty of Romance, (Koi no Tsumi), reveals itself to be an ugly and tragic look into Japan's love hotel district and the women who are drawn to it by various means.  Two different versions exist, with the original Japanese cut running a whopping hundred and forty-four minutes, which could push the provocative subject matter too far into redundant terrain for most viewer's tastes.  Sensationalized as only a Sion Sono movie could be, it explores the docile Japanese housewife stereotype, spending a good amount of time explaining why Miki Mizuno's mild-mannered protagonist would gradually embrace the sexually liberating side of her femininity.  Mizuno narrates the film at various intervals while a flash-forward interjects and broadcasts the inevitable tragedy, letting the viewer in on where the characters are heading so that we can never fully embrace the sexual awakening of an otherwise complacent woman who genuinely loves her well-respected husband even if he treats her more as a docile maid than an equal.  It plays as a part cautionary tale and part feminist calamity, with much of Sono's usual depraved strangeness in place to keep the exploitation value where it belongs.

2011 Horror Part Ten

ATTACK THE BLOCK

Dir - Joe Cornish

Overall: GOOD

 

The full-length debut from writer/director Joe Cornish of comedy duo Adam and Joe fame, Attack the Block is a comedy/action/juvenile delinquent/horror/sci-fi hybrid that suffers from the era's obnoxious slash-and-dash editing style yet is otherwise enjoyable.  Notable for some familiar faces such as Nick Frost, Jodie Whittaker, and John Boyega in his film debut, the script has enough details concerning its disenfranchised characters and setting to give it some cultural weight, even if the emphasis is on wacky set pieces and silliness.  The dialog is colorful in Multicultural London English and delivered rapidly enough to fly past some unfamiliar viewers, but besides the aforementioned, distracting cross-cutting during the more intense sequences, the kinetic energy gives it a compelling sense of urgency.  Also appreciated is a genuinely unique creature design as the pitch-black extraterrestrials look like spiked, shaggy gorilla dogs with no eyes and glow in the dark teeth, a far cry and more menacing variation than that of the cutesy, gray, big-eyed E.T. variety.  Nothing here is laugh-out-loud hilarious, but it delivers the R-rated goods and juggles its multitude of genres better than expected.

FRIGHT NIGHT

Dir - Craig Gillespie

Overall: GOOD

A comedy director and Buffy the Vampire Slayer producer/screenwriter both teaming up to remake Tom Holland's seminal 80s vampire film Fright Night is a logically sound pairing and they plus a well-chosen cast have pulled something off that should have been much worse.  By 2011, a handful of beloved movies from two plus decades back were getting the contemporary treatment and Colin Farrell himself would take the lead again in the following year's Total Recall as well, but existing property cynicism aside, there are some admirable qualities here.  Both Farrell and David Tennant are wonderful in their respective Jerry Dandrige and Peter Vincent roles, Anton Yelchin and Christopher Mintz-Plasse make no-brainer choices as two vampire-hunting dweebs, and Toni Collette and Imogen Poots refreshingly buy into the undead shenanigans by the halfway point instead of constantly being exasperated by Charley Brewster's claims of his neighbor's blood-sucking exploits.  Marti Noxon's script tweaks roughly ninety percent of the plot points from the original which avoids giving this a prominent air of redundancy, plus many of the changes that she makes are clever ones that could have made this stand apart from the franchise.  Unfortunately though, she throws in a few too many Buffy-esque/undercutting quips, plus the CGI is horrendous and will frustrate fans of the fantastic practical makeup in Holland's landmark original.

THE CAT

Dir - Byun Seung-wook

Overall: MEH

A generic K-horror offering from writer/director Byun Seung-wook, The Cat, (Goyangi: Jukeumeul Boneun Du Gaeui Nun, The Cat: Eyes that See Death), is both pointless and harmless in its vengeful spirit by-way-of feline agenda.  The script appears to have a quota of cliches to meet; the female protagonist with a troubled past, creepy ghost kids hiding under beds and popping up for predictable jump scare purposes, a friendly male acquaintance to help investigate the mystery, some nightmare sequences, old people behaving aloof and therefor "creepy", and an explanation as to what is going on that is easily foreseeable.  Some of the details surrounding Park Min-young's character like her suffering from claustrophobia, her and Kim Dong-wook's vague romantic inclinations, and her father being an invalid in an old folks home who she never visits are only provided to fill-in some dialog sequences as these elements have no necessary barring to the plot.  Thus by being inconsequential, they are regularly forgotten about and make for a messy whole.  Seung-wook goes through the motions agreeably enough from a pacing perspective, but this is an all too easy one to tune-out of and it is neither atmospherically chilling or interesting at any instance.

The Tomie Series Part Three

TOMIE: REVENGE

(2005)

Dir - Ataru Oikawa

Overall: MEH

 

Initial director Ataru Oikawa returned to the Tomie series with the one-two punch of Tomie: Beginning and Tomie: Revenge, both of which were released in 2005.  An adaptation of the fifth chapter of Junji Ito's manga of the same name, this is not the first to be shot on video, yet Oikawa manages to suspend murky cinematography disbelief enough due to the eerie tone which alludes to a more unsettling chain of events than what actually transpires.  The title succubus, (this time played by Anri Ban), actually takes a backseat here, remaining off screen almost entirely until the final act.  This is a curious choice as the movie only runs seventy-one minutes, leaving the bulk of the proceedings to focus on a carefree woman with amnesia and her female doctor whose growing fondness for each other borders on lesbianism.  Tomie herself holds up in a remote cabin in the woods where she kills time with her usual shtick of pitting spellbound men against each other and her victims succumb to cannibalism on top of their usual violent devotion to her.  Such gore sequences are inconsistent though as some are graphically nasty and at other times, they do not even bother to utilize any squibs or convincing CGI blood splatter when Tomie gets several slugs emptied inside of her from close-range shotgun blasts.

TOMIE VS TOMIE

(2007)

Dir - Tomohiro Kubo

Overall: MEH

An adaptation of the chapter "The Gathering" from the third volume of Junji Ito's source material, Tomie vs Tomie is the to-date penultimate entry in the series, doubling as the second directorial effort from Tomohiro Kubo, (who worked second unit on Tomie: Forbidden Fruit).  Still done in the franchise's slow-boil, low-stakes mood, this particular installment features two title characters as the title would promise, plus people being set on fire, a shrine for a dead girlfriend, and mannequins.  Yū Abiru and Emiko Matsuoka play the genetically engineered Tomies whose physical forms are deteriorating, hence their particular agenda to be reborn inside of the body of one of their male subordinates.  As far as a showdown between them is concerned, it is hardly a balls-out brawl, nor does it conclude the proceedings as a good twenty-plus minutes follows one of their demises by gasoline and lighter.  For English speaking viewers, unfortunately the only available version seems to be from a Malaysian DVD whose subtitles may very well qualify as the most hilariously unintelligible that any foreign film has ever had.  Who knew that "Tomie" literally translates to "Rich River"?

 

TOMIE: UNLIMITED

(2011)

Dir - Noboru Iguchi

Overall: MEH

As is often the case with horror franchises, the reboot ended up being the nail in the coffin, (at least so far), for the Tomie series, with Tomie: Unlimited at once revamping and closing the book on the last nine installments.  This one brings in porn/gore filmmaker Noboru Iguchi, has a slicker production, less of an ethereal tone, and plenty of terrible CGI and laugh-out-loud body horror sequences.  Severed heads are a major component to the ridiculous visuals with caterpillar creatures made up of them, talking tumors growing on shoulders, Miu Nakamura's giant head talking through a doorway, a bunch of them with wiggling tongues in a lunch box, and also her severed head with entrails hanging off of it Leyak-style.  This is also not directly based on any volumes in Junji Ito's mangas, instead sticking to the steadfast theme of obsession turning ugly and the title character manifesting itself like a plague.  In this way, it serves as the ultimate Tomie movie; one that slams home the concept that she can never die and will only continue to sprout new life through her victims, presumably taking over the populous in the meantime.  To what end is never explained, but that has never been the agenda to such films as they always focus on the life-ruining consequences of particular individuals, this time being a family whose accidentally killed daughter is resurrected as the malevolent, cackling succubus. 

2011 Horror Part Nine

TORMENTED

Dir - Takashi Shimizu

Overall: MEH

 

A follow-up and quasi-companion piece to his 2009 film The Shock Labyrinth in that footage from said film is featured in it, Tormented, (Rabitto horā 3D), is bog-standard psychological J-horror that falls flat due to an undercooked script and low-end production values.  One of the few unique angles is that it features a mute protagonist, (Hikari Mitsushima), who after ten years of seemingly having overcome a trauma, faces it again with her younger brother and some ghost like presence in a giant bunny costume.  There is more to it than that of course, but nothing that is all that interesting unfortunately.  As is the case with most horror stories that revolve around intense hallucinations and plot twists, they are exaggerated to comical extents and even though there is an inherent humorous element to several of the sequences as well as the bare bones concept, it comes off foolish as well as not even remotely scary.  Visually, the CGI effects are incredibly poor and add even more unintentional chuckles to the proceedings, plus Shimizu does not offer up enough inventive moments or maintain a swift enough pace to keep everything from dragging.  It is not a poor offering, just not a memorable one once the over-sized rabbit costume gag runs its course.

MEGAN IS MISSING

Dir - Michael Goi

Overall: WOOF

An understandably controversial found footage nightmare, Megan Is Missing is a purposely traumatizing experience that probably has its heart in the right place in spite of or because of its unwatchability.  Filmmaker Michael Goi self-financed the project in an effort to shine an unflinching light on internet predator child abduction as well as the sexualization of minors, societal peer pressure, and neglected, domestic sexual abuse.  While these objectives are likely genuine, Goi's decision to make the final twenty-five minutes a continuous depiction of horrendously disturbing rape, torture, and murder renders it unwatchable to a cautionary extent.  Without this final tag that goes above and beyond most sensationalized torture porn, the movie was already making its intended point by exploring the series of events leading up to the harrowing conclusion via in camera confessionals and cell phone footage, (even if the performances are rough and the characterizations are sterotypically obnoxious).  Though instead of letting the viewer merely ponder the horrific fates of the two leads while contemplating the first hour of character development, Goi forces us to endure something that inadvertently seems exploitative and sickening.  It is a bold move of course and to the director's credit, he has offered up warnings to viewers and allegedly insisted on the actor's parents all being present on set to insure some semblance of emotional security, but this is a movie that is more important just to know about than to ever watch under any mentally healthy circumstances.

 

THE CALLER

Dir - Matthew Parkhill

Overall: MEH

 

On paper, Matthew Parkhill's The Caller has a fetching, Twilight Zone-worthy premise that remains gripping even if it logically unravels at regular intervals.  Filmed in Puerto Rico though set in the US and exclusively featuring an English-speaking cast, the title would suggest a cliched slasher outcome, but this is cleverly subverted as Rachelle Lefevre instead moves into her low-rent apartment in order to get away from her abusive, soon-to-be-ex husband, only to mysteriously and immediately start getting calls from a troubled forty-one year old woman with marital problems of her own.  Without spoiling it, the twist in this case is otherwordly and wisely never explained as the focus is instead on a number of traumatic, time-altering scenarios that ruin Lefevre's already nightmarishly stressful ordeal that much further.  Unfortunately, most if not all of her troubles could be jettisoned by actions that the script never allows her to take.  Excuses are given here or there, but they become more flimsy as things escalate since there are numerous opportunities to notify the police, change cell phone providers, remove a land-line, or just plain old move away that could have stopped such escalation with Lefevre's tormentors.  Aside from these dramatic liberties being taken for the sake of suspense-mounting intensity, it is an adequate, well-paced, and well-acted thriller.

2011 Horror Part Eight

THE ENEMY

Dir - Dejan Zečević

Overall: GOOD

 

An enticing war film that acts in part as a retelling of John Carpenter's The Thing, Serbian filmmaker Dejan Zečević's The Enemy, (Neprijatelj), pulls off having a very deliberate, perpetually ambiguous mood.  Set at the onset of the Balkan War ending, Zečević's story immediately introduces a possible supernatural component and one that clearly stands as a metaphor for the horrors that human beings can inflict on each other due to distrust, despair, and the overall consuming trauma of war.  In a typical genre setting, the film would blatantly lay its horror cards on the table.  Here though, zero such tropes are utilized and the audience is made to feel comfortable, (or uncomfortable, depending on the viewer), that no such direct answers are to be given.  Considering that the film is clearly not about such things, it stands as a welcome meditation on its harrowing themes.  The performances are strong and the very bleak, diluted color pallet does in fact give it a dreary look that is fitting for the material.  It is low on surprises and overall excitement, yet locks in a tone that is both haunting and contemplative.

TWIXT

Dir - Francis Ford Coppola

Overall: WOOF

 

To date, Francis Ford Coppola's final film is the absolutely puzzling vanity project Twixt, a movie inspired by one of the director's dreams and one that seems to have sprung up from another planet.  Off-putting from the onset, it only becomes more confused with pretentious dream sequences, vampires, Edgar Allan Poe because why not, and catastrophically bad performances and production values.  The digital photography has mediocre student film written all over it which is bizarre enough.  Yet it becomes downright laughable when the visual effects take center stage, looking like a mockbuster version of Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller's groundbreaking work in Sin City.  Speaking of laughable, the dialog is so unnatural it is persistently comical and in the lead, Val Kilmer seems to be the only one occasionally hip to this fact.  In one intentionally hilarious montage, his troubled author struggles with the first sentence of his new book and Kilmer bounces between a Marlon Brando and a gay black basketball player impression for reasons only known to himself.  Elsewhere, the humor is outrageously accidental, with one of the most ridiculous Ouija board scenes and a Goth kid hang out that a seventy-year-old Coppola must have though was hip enough to include.  It is a fascinating trainwreck and one made all the more so by being helmed by one of cinema's most (otherwise) outstanding filmmakers.

MARTHA MARCY MAY MARLENE

Dir - Sean Durkin
Overall: GOOD

 

As a stark and very cold essay on post-traumatic stress disorder, Sean Durkin's full-length debut Martha Marcy May Marlene is horrific in its unapologetic bleakness.  A fleshed-out version of his 2010 short Mary Last Scene and also serving as the first screen appearance from Elizabeth Olsen, writer/director Durkin takes a deliberately low-key approach in examining what happens to a person after leaving a cult, namely the type of paranoia and emotional damage inflicted on both the ex-member and their loved ones.  The details of said cult's exploits are wisely kept sparse, never making them the focus and at the same time having them become more ambiguous and in effect, more disturbing.  It is somewhat stylistically ambitious by bouncing between the current setting and flashbacks, inter-cutting scenes as they appear parallel to each other.  As the primary focus, Olsen is outstanding in a hugely complex role, garnishing sympathy and pity even as her actions spiral out of control and become less and less condonable.  While the film may be too uncomfortable in the disregard for any hope it may provide, it is highly commendable for presenting itself in such a challenging way.

2010's Robert Morgan Shorts

BOBBY YEAH

(2011)

Overall: GOOD

Robert Morgan's first film for a new decade and longest up until that point, Bobby Yeah continues his usual themes of purposely disturbing looking, amorphous creatures interacting without dialog and conveying pure emotion to the viewer.  The fleshy, indistinguishable hybrid of beings present this round all have holes for other stringy, tentacle manifestations to spew out of and there are indeed prominent sexual overtones throughout.  Impulsiveness seems to continually lead to reproduction of an increasingly bizarre and grotesque nature.  Things are never all, well, one thing though in Morgan's work.  The pink, angora walls of one location juxtapose against the cold, dark, and blue interior of another and the same goes for every character we meet who often seem adorable and uncomfortably repulsive all at once.

INVOCATION

(2013)

Overall: GOOD

 

As part of Channel 4's Random Acts series, Robert Morgan's Invocation is another combination of live action and stop-motion animation as the 2007 version of The Cat with Hands was.  After spending three years working on the proceeding Bobby Yeah, Morgan dished out its follow-up relatively quickly and more carefree.  At a mere three-minutes, it is rather on the nose and as close to autobiographical as Morgan's darkly macabre and surreal would allow.  A stop-motion animator readies his shoot with a teddy bear when he accidentally pricks his finger and gets blood in the camera.  From there, things go in a typically fleshy, birthy, and violent direction.  Void of more deeper subtext this time, it is something more on the "lighthearted" side; just some ghastly, horror eye-candy fun really.

BELIAL'S DREAM

(2017)

Overall: GOOD

 

Commissioned as part of the Celluloid Screams festival in Sheffield, England, Belial's Dream as any Frank Henenlotter fan could guess does in fact feature said creature from Basket Case fame.  It is not necessarily a sequel; more a loving little ode to one of the strangest horror comedy franchises there is.  As the title would suggest, we get a glimpse into Belial's dreams/nightmares and it goes about as disturbingly as one would expect.  He licks his lips at a fleshy, amorphous thing with red satin panties on, (an nod to the first film), sits on his fleshy Aunt's lap, and gets haunted by a fleshy tentacle version of his "normal" brother Duane taunting him for being a freak.  Robert Morgan thankfully attains Belial's skin-crawling screams and the overall design work thankfully fits right in with the animator's usual dark, surreal shtick.

2011 Horror Part Seven

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN

Dir - Lynne Ramsay

Overall: MEH

 

Lynne Ramsay's adaptation of Lionel Shriver's novel We Need to Talk About Kevin is a relentless nightmare that both works and is unsuccessful due to its overbearingness.  The one-hundred and twelve minute running time feels its length, but not because the film forgoes a linear narrative and painstakingly unveils its layers.  As far as structure goes, Ramsay exhibits a level of taut control that bombards us with highly concerning moments while deliberately dishing out their inevitably horrific outcome.  Tilda Swinton is her usual outstanding self, playing a woman who has made to feel that her entire motherhood is nothing more than the universe taking itself out on her and making her feel that she is the least sane person in it.  As her plight becomes more and more hopeless, Swinton becomes more and more numb as well as frustratingly empathetic.  Speaking of frustrating, that is where the movie ultimately falls apart as its subject matter is highly unpleasant to watch.  Any story is fighting an uphill battle to be relatable where a child is allowed to behave so appallingly as to set off incessant red flags while one of their parents thinks nothing is remotely amiss.  This may be the point to show the danger in such a dysfunctional family dynamic, but said danger is all too obvious and annoyingly disregarded for the audience to really stay with.

 

SUPER 8

Dir - J.J. Abrams

Overall: MEH

In between his two Star Trek reboots, J.J. Abrams got a chance to blatantly channel his inner Stephen Spielberg, (who also produces here, so the admiration seems to have been greenlit from the source), with Super 8.  Drenched in the type of nostalgia that has run rampant with horror throwbacks in a post Stranger Things cinematic landscape, Abrams' work here will unmistakably get compared to Close Encounters of the Third Kind, E.T., and The Goonies to name simply the most obvious ones.  Throw in lens fairs in nearly every frame, unnaturally smooth, cartoony CGI, and jump scares interrupting all moments that stop to breath and those are basically the only new things Abrams offers up to distract you from how much the movie is trying to beat you over the head with fond feelings of the good ole days of child-centric, mega blockbusters.  On the plus side, the performances from predominantly unknown child actors and no A-list major ones are universally solid and when it comes to compelling character arcs, at least the humans present are plenty well-written enough to care about.  The same cannot be said for the main alien monster though whose entire backstory and arc are resolved in a poorly rushed fashion.

GRAVE ENCOUNTERS

Dir - Colin Minihan/Stuart Oritz

Overall: MEH

Jumping on the found footage bandwagon for their debut Grave Encounters, the Vicious Brothers Colin Minihan and Stuart Oritz exhibit a level of unoriginality that borders on sheer plagiarism.  The idea here is not all together bad, though it is proven to be a monumentally difficult one to pull off.  The first act is an adequately amusing Ghost Adventures parody, equipped with their own version of the walking paranormal bro cartoon character Zak Bagans, here called Lance Rogerson.  There is also a pretentious psychic, a pretty, female "occult specialist" and a black cameraman who provides nearly all of the "Dude fuck this shit" comic relief.  Such things only scratch the surface as far as cliches though.  The location is a closed down mental hospital with its own physics-defying, labyrinth-like layout, supernatural entities merely toy with people for no logical reason and take their sweet time in doing so, every idea anyone suggests does not work exactly as the viewer can predict, there is screaming, bloody CGI ghost faces, said ghosts stand in corners, a laundry list of obvious foreshadowing is utilized, jump scares are every-which-a-way, sadistic surgeons perform experiments, and while we are at it, an occult alter makes an appearance too.  You could probably construct a boring and trite comedy at least out of what is here, but sadly they abandoned the comedy part early on so all that you are left with is the boring and trite part.

2011 - 2019 Horror Shorts

BLINKYTM
(2011)
Dir - Ruairí Robinson
Overall: MEH

This Twilight Zone-esque short from Irish-born filmmaker Ruairí Robinson is the kind that toys with only mildly futuristic ideas that could conceivably be upon us in a more timely fashion than we would be comfortable with.  So in other words, it could also be a Black Mirror episode.  Blinky™ sets up its premise quickly and it is almost immediately foreseeable where it will lead.  So, you cannot say that there is any real tension built up over its brisk, thirteen-minute running time.  It is also a bit annoying to watch a brat kid, (who granted has two parents who seem to make yelling at each other around him a thing they routinely do), treat the adorable title robot like his own punching bag slave, but this may be the point as it almost makes the inevitable finale sit comfortably, (or uncomfortably), in the dark comedy realm.  A bit too obvious maybe, but still harmlessly well made.

THE ONLY MAN
(2013)
Dir - Jos Man
Overall: GOOD

With filmmakers young and old still scraping the barrel as far as zombie apocalypse ideas are concerned, it is a rare thing when a successfully engaging entry in the field can emerge this day and age.  Jos Man's The Only Man is one of these acceptable ideas that portrays the final few days of the title human's predetermined transformation into the undead.  What exactly has transpired to make Earth the desolate wasteland that it is and what exactly has stripped everyone of their humanity to the point that they look like extras in a George Romero movie with cheap rubber masks on, (the film's only minor fault), is not explained, but we are given some potent clues.  The antagonist pits his will against the zombie plague that is clearly overtaking him, desperately proclaiming that he is going to be the one to make it since the rest of mankind willingly did this to themselves, seeing the lack of formidable thought and reason as more of a release than a damnation.  Interesting concepts to ponder and ones that come across excellently here.

VALIBATION
(2013)
Dir - Todd Strauss-Schulson
Overall: GOOD

Teetering on that line of being so on the nose as to be annoying, Valibation is just clever and funny enough to get on board with despite its tongue in cheek, quasi-preachiness.  Written and directed by Todd Strauss-Schulson, (The Final Girls), with an impressive amount of visual showmanship and the budget to feature Cocoa Puffs, a Billy Idol dancing montage, and footage from both David Cronenberg's The Fly and Singin' in the Rain, it beats you over the head almost immediately with the same complaint that the cell phone addicted, information age generation gets routinely reminded of.  Strauss-Schulson has a lot of fun with this cliche though.  It makes for an ideal body horror send up that surprisingly has an uplifting, (be it still warped), final outcome and it is futile to try and not laugh at several of the ridiculous set pieces along the way.

UNEDITED FOOTAGE OF A BEAR

(2014)

Dir - Ben O'Brien/Alan Resnick

Overall: GOOD

The second Adult Swim infomercial from the creative team of Ben O'Brien and Alan Resnick and not the last to fall into the horror camp, Unedited Footage of a Bear is a darkly sly, nowhere near subtle commentary on the dangers of possible side effects attributed to innocently advertised pharmaceutical drugs.  Briefly beginning and ending as what the title misleadingly lays claim to, the short is actually made up almost entirely of a faux-commercial for the miracle stress-relieving drug Claridryl.  Because it is an Adult Swim program which ergo equals drugs, things escalate before too long into a disturbed, highly bizarre nightmare that offers up no possible explanation besides "YouTube adds and drugs are both bad folks".  As a parody, it is impressively convincing and once it makes the complete 180 shift into full blown horror movie, it is just as earnest in its off the rails, disconcerting approach.

THIS HOUSE HAS PEOPLE IN IT
(2016)
Dir - Alan Resnick
Overall: MEH

The guys from Unedited Footage of a Bear fame back at it again and comparatively less on drugs this time.  This House Has People in It follows that staunch tradition for the network of being something that people void of such drugs in their system "don't get".  An entire subreddit was dedicated to cracking the code of this whatever the fuck it is which includes deciphering YouTube comments and visiting various websites.  So yes, plenty of work for people with time on their hands.  Foolishly watching it raw and simply walking away from it, there is really not much to say.  Since it was designed to be investigated, the almost twelve minutes of footage by itself is just a puzzling mishmash of tones, with every potential clue whizzing right over your head if you are not constantly pausing every frame to take notes.  Even then, it is still hard to contemplate how anybody out there is coming up with anything.  It gets points for being a unique, post-interactive media experience at least, but still, you gotta have drugs.

DON'T HUG ME I'M SCARED

(2011-2016)

Dir - Rebecca Sloan/Joseph Pelling

Overall: GOOD

This bizarre project from Kingston University Fine Art and Animation graduates Rebecca Sloan and Joseph Pelling was a series of six independently made shorts which were released online through their website beckyandjoes.com, YouTube, and Vimeo.  Don't Hug Me I'm Scared can be described as Sesame Street on drugs to give it a fair assessment.  It mixes traditional, stop-motion, and computer animation, live action, and puppetry and on a technical level, it is quite impressive while blending its various styles rather seamlessly.  Even if the visceral results are purposely jarring.  More dark humor than explicitly horror, the amusingly childish songs and psychologically disturbing nature grows gradually over the series, culminating in a final episode that hearkens back to the previous five in a satisfyingly trippy way.  It could all mean a whole mess of things or virtually nothing at all, but it is a surreal and manically fun ride either way.

2011 Horror Part Six

HARD LABOR
Dir - Juliana Rojas/Marco Dutra
Overall: MEH

This uneven, highly tranquil feature-length debut from Brazilian filmmakers Juliana Rojas and Marcon Dutra, (arriving after over a decade of the duo producing a number of shorts), barely qualifies as a horror movie or anything remotely entertaining at all.  At first, the tone is so lackadaisical as to be refreshing with all of the characters dialed down just a notch or so above zero, barely any music anywhere, and the story itself spending about an hour on what would otherwise have been just an initial set up.  It is unmistakably about the class system and economic hardships faced in contemporary Brazil, but just how its infrequent, strange and/or supernatural elements play a role is barely touched upon, let alone explained.  If there are even such elements present in the first place.  This is precisely because the film never seems to get going and it rather abruptly ends just as it begins to finally wake it's audience up.  The last scene is also remarkably out of place and seems to paint the whole thing as a comedy, making it more of a practical joke than giving it a frustrating, ambiguous climax which would have even been far preferable.

THE THING
Dir -  Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.
Overall: MEH

The word "pointless" is assuredly the most accurate to describe the inevitable remake, reboot, prequel, premake, preboot, repre, quelmake, makeboot, or whatever the fuck 2011's The Thing is.  The creative team involved have gone on record as desperately trying to defend its existence in the first place, saying it pays homage to John Carpenter's seminal 1982 version and calling it a companion piece that retreads the same themes of paranoia and isolation.  Which is all a very polite and respectable way of saying they really like John Carpenter's movie and wanted to make it themselves because having one movie that already did all this stuff is not enough apparently.  This argument can be made for every film that is not left to be its own thing, (pun intended), in the past, but this The Thing is so deliberately derivative of the last one that it not only cannot hope to possibly compare to such a lauded and beloved movie, but it also cannot NOT be compared to it.  In this regard, it cannot be viewed on its own terms by its very design.  It does not attempt to one-up its predecessor thankfully, but just exists parallel to it with less memorable characters, less memorable special effects, less memorable directing, less memorable music, Mary Elizabeth Winstead in place of Kurt Russell, and interchangeable everything else.

THE SKIN I LIVE IN
Dir -  Pedro Almodóvar
Overall: GOOD

Described by Pedro Almodóvar as "a horror story without any screams or frights", The Skin I Live In is a cross between the often influential Eyes Without A Face and well, pretty much every other Pedro Almodóvar movie.  The renowned filmmaker's fascination with sexual kinks, the female body, and how complex his emotionally-driven characters are finds an ideal environment to thrive here under the umbrella of Thierry Jonquet's novel Mygale from which this is an adaptation.  It is also the first pairing between Almodóvar and Antonio Banderas in just over two decades and the actor predictably excels in the very non-textbook, mad doctor role here.  Speaking of pleasant predictability, the film is as wonderfully photographed and meticulously designed as any of Almodóvar's works and the way that the plot deliberately reveals its intentions is something that could have fallen into utter nonsense in the hands of a lesser director.  The audience is taken to uncomfortable places so gradually and in such a controlled fashion that the way Almodóvar succeeds in making something so bizarre and downright horrifying also so engaging is one of the reason's his films are routinely talked about and admired in the first place.

2011 Horror Part Five

KEYHOLE
Dir - Guy Maddin
Overall: GOOD

Once again Guy Maddin delivers another contemporary movie that seems floating around in a bygone, fictitious era.  Keyhole does not fit comfortably into any particular genre and any gangster, film noir, or haunted house elements present are as hazy as the story itself which seems to be re-imagining Homer's The Odyssey in the most indirect of ways.  The film has a claustrophobic agenda as it all takes place in a single house and characters appear trapped there either in locked rooms, by chains, or by circumstances.  Repeated viewings would probably unveil some missed details, but then again perhaps not.  Keyhole presents itself as an abstract look into something that can only be abstract; how ghosts unlock their sorrowful memories and regrets.  In this regard, Maddin has concocted a near perfect representation of such things since the challenging narrative can really only be as such.  The entire cast is appropriately low-key with the perpetually funny Kevin McDonald specifically providing some intended humor.  Horny specters and the sort of the nonchalant way the characters interact with either dead or living versions of themselves further shows that Maddin is still trying to have fun while confusing and tantalizing his viewer's brains all the same.

DETENTION
Dir - Joseph Kahn
Overall: MEH

Prolific music video director Joseph Kahn mostly self-financed Detention, a film which does everything in its power to be both as obnoxiously hip and genre-defying as humanly conceivable.  Credit where it is due though; the movie is wildly unpredictable.  The humor works when the rug is relentlessly pulled out from under you as the story goes to so many ridiculous places at such a frenzied pace that you give up keeping up.  Unfortunately, all that leaves you with is trying to stomach the non-stop bombardment of retro pop culture references.  They never cease and they never become tolerable.  As much as Kahn is cleverly twisting expectations by bouncing the film though self-aware slasher, sci-fi, and high school comedy avenues ad nauseum, the film's undoing is by how desperately hip it is perpetually attempting to be.  The phrase "trying way too hard" is virtually screaming at you the entire time and it gets in the way of all of the surprisingly decent character construction and the inventive, morphed structure.  Still, Detention's redeemable qualities almost make it recommendable and different audience types may find its flaws more bearable than others.  So if you are up for nothing going according to plan and dance scenes set to "MMMBop" and "Everybody Dance Now", by all means check it out.

THE WOMAN
Dir - Lucky McKee
Overall: WOOF

A highly uncomfortable premise and arguably even more uncomfortable presentation, The Woman is unabashed torture porn and ergo difficult to find any merit in.  Lucky McKee also has the odd yet interesting May under his writer/director belt, (and even re-cast Angela Bettis here), and he is collaborating with Jack Ketchum on his novel of the same name.  The film is also a sequel to Offspring in that it utilizes the same title woman Pollyanna Mclntosh in the lead.  Watching the movie with or without seeing the proceeding one makes no significant difference as the follow-up focuses on a new crop of characters; an agonizingly dysfunctional family and one of the most despicable father-son relationships you are likely to ever see in a movie.  With nothing thought-provoking getting through, The Woman becomes a very rough waiting game for these horrible, horrible people to finally get killed and in the mean time we are just watching them be horrible.  When this finally happens, the experience was exhausting enough that any comeuppance delivered is too little, too late and the empty, dirty feeling you have left sitting in your brain is not likely to shake off any time soon.  It is the most common problem with the sub-genre, namely "what is the point to making or watching a movie like this in the first place?".  It is indeed difficult to come up with any answers.

2011 Horror Part Four

THE AWAKENING
Dir - Nick Murphy
Overall: MEH

Filmmaker Nick Murphy came from a television background and has since returned to it since making his debut films The Awakening and the following year's Blood.  The first of these is the type of Gothic, muted-color-pallet-ridden, all too familiar ghost story that gets very few if any unique workouts.  Similar yet better films such as The Others were more stylish and inventive, to name but one.  The very fact that the plot here has a twist is in and of itself predictable as are most of the scares that come at the nearly always-required spots where the soundtrack gets silent for a few seconds and something quickly pops into frame, ushering in that dreadfully overused "boo scare" cliche that one cannot complain enough about.  What works here are the rock solid performances and even a few spooky details that step away from the purely calculated ones.  The cinematography otherwise would be impressive if not for the after-mentioned dull, routine, lack of a color scheme that even superhero movies seem required to have now, (looking in your direction Wonder Woman).  So if it sounds like the movie adheres to too much contemporary, banal genre pandering, well, that is because it regrettably does.

THE WHISPERER IN DARKNESS
Dir - Sean Branney
Overall: MEH

Though the intent is genuinely heartwarming for the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society to produce a full-length, independent film adaptation of The Whisperer In the Dark made in the deliberate style of black and white "talkie" films of the early 1930's, the result does not overcome its amateurish shortcomings.  Instead of coming off as the labor of love that it is with only the most fanatic Lovecraft fan as its target audience, anyone else coming in will notice significant pacing, production, and acting issues.  First off, at a hundred and four minutes long and again made exclusively by the most diehard of Lovecraft enthusiasts, one could logically speculate that the most minimal attempt was made to edit the movie down to a reasonable length as most of the staging is overstuffed.  Many scenes simply drag on far too long and continue to repeat the same information.  A tighter cut of the film would have kept things flowing much more sensibly.  The very poor CGI can be forgivable due to the movie's minimal budget, but this is another case where "less is more" would have been far more effective than seeing the Yuggoth native creatures in a fully lit, visible form.  Performance wise, Matt Foyer's exaggerated frowny-face and Daniel Kaemon's attempts at being a hammy villain both come off as silly.  The liberties taken with Lovecraft's source material to provide more character depth and story arcs are rather clumsy as well and mixed with the other aforementioned problems, there is unfortunately just too much that does not work here.

FATHER'S DAY
Dir - Adam Brooks/Jeremy Gillespie/Matthew Kennedy/Steven Kostanski/Steven Kostanski/Conor Sweeny
Overall: MEH

Going into a Troma film expecting anything but the most absurd, gross-out shock garbage for garbage's sake would be disingenuous and by that decree, Father's Day is certainly a Troma film.  The usual completely inept, technical ingredients such as high school play level acting, a billion cuts, hand held camerawork, extreme closeups, absolutely terrible cinematography, not bothering to record anyone's dialog properly, and throwing in as many plot holes as you can possibly fit into a single screenplay are all present.  As far as actual content, the movie equally does not disappoint in its unpleasantness.  A homosexual demon rapes and mutilates himself and his victims in unflinching detail, including dicks being ripped off by the mouth, gorged upon, and sliced apart.  There is also hardcore incest because why would there not be?  As clearly self-aware-obnoxious as Father's Day most confidently is, sitting through it is hardly the most pleasurable experience even for the most genuine movie trash lover.  Over the top everything is great and can be often appreciated, but the majority of what is on screen here combined with how intentionally incompetent it is presented just makes it a chore.  On that note, the movie is just too damn long.  One can easily tune-out long before it literally ventures into hell where there was nothing more to be appalled at.  Seeing Lloyd Kaufman as God is a hoot, but do we really need all the man-rape, penis eating, and sister banging?

2011 Horror Part Three

SLEEP TIGHT
Dir - Jaume Balagueró
Overall: GREAT

Jaume Balagueró's outstanding Sleep Tight is more of a straight up thriller than a horror film and a straight up thriller that gets everything right from beginning to end.  Balagueró’s direction and Alberto Marini’s script are both fantastic as we are deliberately misled from the very opening scene, only for things to remain completely unpredictable until the credits roll.  When your main objective is to build tension throughout the duration of your movie, this could not have been handled better.  Luis Tosar’s César is one of the most sinister villains you are likely to see; a malevolent, behind-the-scenes manipulator whose resourcefulness is as uncomfortably admiring as it is disturbing.  Plus, he is our main protagonist for the entire film, making this a challenging yet fascinating framework to utilize.  There is some perfectly toned, dark humor sprinkled throughout and numerous moments are as comically intense as they are memorable.  In addition, the ending is as pitch perfect as you were hoping not to hope it would be.  

THE INNKEEPERS
Dir - Ti West
Overall: MEH

Ti West's sophomore effort The House of the Devil gained the independent writer/director some positive critical attention, yet some of the problems that are present there are also in his follow-up The Innkeepers.  In this respect, West is a frustrating filmmaker.  His work is often present with well done, individual moments and the amount of tension he can create can be very rewarding.  Working mostly in the horror field, creepy, unsettling, and/or disturbing things find their way in some capacity into each of his offerings in this genre.  At the same time though, every one of his scripts suffer from irrational behavior from his characters and very apparent plot holes, all of which deflates what would otherwise work.  West's insistence on writing his scripts solo would appear to be the problem then.  With no one to bounce ideas off of and point out how some of them do not work, he stumbles to varying degrees.  There is some well-produced spookiness here, particularly a scene in a very eerie basement that is impossible not to get chilled by.  So it achieves its goal as a haunted house, (hotel), movie in that respect, but achieving its goal as a good movie in any other capacity is simply outside of its grasp.

YOU'RE NEXT
Dir - Adam Wingard
Overall: MEH

Another very problematic, contemporary horror outing that misses the mark with its botched tone and severely flawed script is Adam Wingard's You're Next.  Both Windgard's direction and screenwriter Simon Barrett's script are the culprits; neither melding into the competent whole that they are required to.  As a cooky, over-the-top, "Home Alone if it was a horror movie", tongue-in-cheek dark comedy, this could have utilized a far sillier emphasis to make its wacky plot work.  Instead, the comedy element is not the prominent one, Wingard choosing to play most of the film as a straight slasher outing.  This is even more precarious because for a long time now, slasher films are nearly impossible to come off as compelling or unique.  So, meshing one already tired sub-genre with another that would have benefited from more overt comedy produces a fumbling exercise for ninety-four minutes.  Wingard has a likeable enthusiasm for gore and seems content to stick with the horror genre, so hopefully he is capable of surprising us at some juncture further down the road.

2011 Horror Part Two

HUSK
Dir - Brett Simmons
Overall: WOOF

The After Dark Film series has offered up some incredibly terrible films such as Gravedancers and Frontier(s) and though not as unwatchable as either of those, Brett Simmons' Husk is easily still in the "terrible" realm.  Scarecrows are naturally creepy, comparatively not that overused in horror movies, and ergo one would think that they would be close to idiot-proof to do well.  For the first twenty or so minutes here, this is indeed the case.  The main problem though is that the film embraces nearly every cliche in the book and has protagonists that consistently, scene after scene, do the most illogical things possible.  The laws of physics are also ignored where characters have been hacked to pieces and pierced with sharp things only to be granted spontaneous stamina and "I'm not dead yet" bouts of not being dead.  Elsewhere, a car crashes, cell phones do not work, a creepy farm house is surrounded by corn, the phone there also does not work there are ghostly flashbacks, tons of boo scares exactly and always where you expect them to be, lights do not work, cars do not start, and every character is unlikable and a moron.  This basically sums up the game here and even if you like to watch horror films where you can eat popcorn and laugh at how stupid it is, this takes itself seriously enough to just make you anxiously await for it to be over instead.

THE TUNNEL
Dir - Carlo Ladesma
Overall: GOOD   

A crowdfunded, Australian feature-length debut from Filipino-born director Carlo Ledesma, The Tunnel was done on a very modest, $36,000 budget, which is nearly $100,000 less than they were originally going for.  Ladesma and his crew nevertheless make splendid use of their funds while plunging their four actors into the real-life underground tunnels of Sydney.  The film only has a few minor problems with it, namely that is is yet another found footage movie presented as a finished documentary.  So once again, we at least know that the interviewed characters are all going to end up OK while the ones not interviewed are not.  Also, the last few minutes here do not work so well, coming off as a little underwhelming.  The actual holy-shit creepy parts though are quite memorable, rather in spire of or because of the fact that they take awhile to get to and are somewhat few and far between.  It is flawed by design, but for the forgiving viewer that champions getting genuinely freaked-out above anything else, it more that suffices.

MARIANNE
Dir - Filip Tegstedt
Overall: GOOD

The personally funded film debut from Filip Tegstedt is one of those psychological dramas that merely disguises itself as a horror movie.  The concept is plenty excellent in that it contemporizing the Mare from Swedish folklore into a story of a father and husband who is crumbling at the seems.  The film spends very, very little time on the actual spooky stuff, which perhaps makes said spooky stuff that much more effective when it does emerge.  Comparisons can be made with this and Guillermo del Toro's work as both filmmakers do not seem exclusively interested in scaring us for ninety-ish minutes.  Instead, they are more concerned with slamming home an individual, relatable narrative.  Sweden is not known for producing many horror movies, (death metal yes, horror no, perhaps oddly), but it would be nice to think that films like this can show what truly can be done in the genre.  It is certainly deserving of carrying the torch in such a manner so here is hoping more traditional folklore can be delivered in films, both creepy and compellingly like it is here.