(1983)
Dir - Michael Dugan
Overall: WOOF
Certainly in the realm of "so bad it's still bad but hilarious", Mausoleum rather consistently delivers in unintended hysterics. Written by producers Robert Barich and Robert Madero, (the former also serving as cinematographer), it is a standard possession story on paper. In execution though, a series of baffling choices elevate it into something cartoonishly stupid. Though it is an American movie, the ADR dubbing is worse and more awkward then what is commonly found in the worst and most awkward foreign film, the editing has a handful of noticeable mistakes, the performances are alarmingly ridiculous, and the conventional horror score is interrupted by a new jack swing song during a sex scene, Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me", and the Sanford and Son theme during a purposely funny moment where LaWanda Page says "good googly moogly" and runs out of a house scared. In her screen debut, buxom Bobbie Bresee goes for broke as a scene-chewing, demonic, horned-up trophy wife and spends more scenes bugging her eyes out and barring her teeth than is usually permitted. The practical effects and death scenes are pretty wild as well and though it is all too accidentally inept to legitimately champion, it is definitely fun for all of the wrong reasons.
(1987)
Dir - Rob Link
Overall: MEH
Overall: MEH
One of the most forgettable films to misleadingly label itself as a horror comedy, (especially coming from an era that was brimful of them), Zombie High, (The School That Ate My Brain), quite daftly blows its potential at delivering whatever one would expect from the goofy title. The sole directorial effort of any kind from Rob Link, (whose only other IMDB entry is appearing in Andy Warhol's never released Batman Dracula), the movie practically forgets the "high" part as it takes place at a boarding school that is more like a university than anything else. The "zombies" show up for about five seconds and not until there is twelve minutes left in the running time. By then, things do finally get slightly campy, but the sluggish slog to get there that treats the material like it is some kind of genuine suspense thriller is absolutely not worth it. Why Sherilyn Fenn and especially Virginia Madsen signed on is anybody's guess, though it is slightly amusing to spot Paul Feig in a minor role as a dork that cannot get a date to save his life. Still, the script sucks, the special effects suck, and the music really sucks so the only reputation it deserves is "next please".
(1989)
Dir - Richard Friedman
Overall: MEH
A particularly boring slasher variant of the Phantom of the Opera motif, Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge blows nearly all of its potential as a valley girl spoof on the formula. Judging by the title, one would assume that it would play up the schlock yet instead, director Richard Friedman stages everything as if it is an engaging, sinister drama. The still lame yet comparatively superior Chopping Mall had much more fun with its setting as well as boasting a more singular premise. Here, there is just some guy boringly killing people that he wants revenge on while leaving clues for his girlfriend who presumes that he died in a fire. The performances are in keeping with the lackluster presentation and even Pauly Shore tones down his "hey buuuudy" surfer vibe and just comes off like a run of the mill fast food employee. There is a mild attempt at making the kill scenes memorable, but so many movies like this had tried to one-up each other in such a regard throughout the decade that again, it is simply not over the top enough. Without leaning into any of the would-be inherent silliness plus barely servicing as a homage to old school monster movies, what is left is just something that can far too easily be forgotten about seconds after the credits role.
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