MY 10 LEAST FAVORITE GAME OF THRONES CHARACTERS
The world's all about balance. As my previous entry demonstrated, many characters on Game of Thrones contributed greatly to the show's success. It is only natural that well-written, complex, funny, compelling, or just badass men and women on this program routinely faced off against well, terrible ones. Some of my choices here were not necessarily poorly presented by the writers. Most of them kind of needed to be awful to propel the series along, but that does not mean that they still were not rather grating to endure.
Coming up with the criteria for a "worst" or "least favorite" character took some contemplating. These ten choices are people whose presence was often unbearable yes, but Game of Thrones had a solid handful of villains who did unbearable things. Per example, I excluded Ramsay Bolton from this group because though he was nearly as atrocious as Joffrey in many respects, he was also a necessary evil that was even dare I say enjoyable in a deliciously "love to hate" way. Joffrey's face alone was too stomach-churning to look at so it really did not matter how "good" of a bad guy he was.
The following entries annoyed me to no end, did dumb-ass and/or terrible things too much, or just happened to be Sam. So in other words, a solid combination of all things awful and lame. Essentially meaning everything the Hound was not, but hey, at least almost all of them are fucking dead so...horrah!
What made this guy even more of a prick than he otherwise already appeared to be was the level of blatant annoyance that accompanied him. He did not truly emerge until more than halfway through the series once we already had to endure both Ramsay Bolton and Joffrey. By that time, enough was enough with the smug, obnoxious, begging to be hated villains with no grey area attached to them. That said, Euron Greyjoy served his purpose to a tee to be the next asshole everyone was supposed to despise. Everything he did was horrible and then Jaime awesomely beat him in a fight even without using his trusty right hand. Euron still died smirking though so fuck this guy all the same.
Though not entirely without plausible motivation, one of the biggest assholes amongst many in the Night's Watch Alliser Thorne still made me really uncomfortable when he was on screen. Not in an "oh, this guy's an awesome villain" Ramsay Bolton kind of way, but more in a, "man, this guy just needs to die soon" kind of way. He orchestrated Jon Snow's would-be death so lots of fuckwad points for that, but his non-stop bitching, bullying, and smart-assed being difficult-ness was irksome all the same. I will say that I did like his last words before being hung to death. They almost made me forget how much of a schmuck he was up until then.
Tyrion Lannister's ole fling started off rather fine, but she became relentlessly obnoxious by the time she was hidden away in Kings Landing. Bored, jealous, ungrateful, and above all else very unreasonable, Shae became the whore every Game of Thrones fan loved to hate once her lying ass gave the false testimony that seemed to doom the dwarf every Game of Throne fan loves to love. Then she slept with the same asshole Tywin, (who I still like mind you), who forbade her presence in King's Landing to begin with and Tyrian satisfyingly did both of them in. By that point all sympathy for her was long lost.
Baby Baratheon was as embarrassingly spineless and inept at being King as his brother Joffrey was phenomenal at being the worst person who ever lived in Westeros. Pussy-whipped by virtually every elder in his life, King Tommen had nigh a thought of his own during his brief reign and if he did manage to come up with something, it was always stupid. Just as pathetically, he seemed to realize all of this eventually by nonchalantly stepping right out of the window and plummeting to his doom at the end of season six. Good for him.
This stupid little shit got on everyone's nerves for his "wah-wah, some wildlings killed my parents so I hate all of them and am gonna angry-stare Jon Snow now for letting the cool ones in, wah-wah" bitching yes. Yet he also killed Ygritte for said reason and then of course, also killed Jon Snow for that reason. At least that last part came back to bite him in the ass, (or would that be neck?), and our final glimpse of him dangling from a rope with his face all bloated was indeed a tasty treat. Not that I advocate hanging kids mind you. Just this one.
When it seemed like Jaqen H'ghar actually had a reason to continually send his increasingly annoying lackey the Waif after Arya Stark to train her to be a Faceless Girl, this character was a necessary pain in the ass. Yet the more time went on, it just seemed abundantly clear that the Waif in actuality was JUST a pain in the ass. Who knows if ole H'ghar had a master-plan all along and was simply hoping for Arya to do away with this one once she "finally had no name", but sadly we were denied such a detailed death scene. Instead, the Waif's bloody face just represented all of the justification we would ever get. I will still take it, but an entire episode dedicated to her getting her punk-ass killed by Arya would have been most preferable.
Ramsay tortured the wrong son of a Lord that is for damn sure. I kept waiting for this thoroughly horrible brat to emerge again post season six, but thankfully all we got was him silently sitting at the council meeting to crown Bran Stark as King where he did not even get any dialog. Robin Arryn's suckiness was entirely the fault of his even worse mother Lyssa, but everything about him sucked all the same. Sheltered and breastfed waaaaaay past the logical age, Robin was hopelessly dimwitted and sadistic and at the same time he made as terrible of a swords and bowman as Samwell Tarly did. The little wiener never saw any real battle and if he did he would probably soil his armor while accidentally killing himself with a sword. At least he was used rather sparingly.
Now onto the idiot we have to blame for Robin being a thing in the first place. This bitch was a mess. Though we cannot logically fault her with her perpetual Little Finger infatuation, (who would not fall for that charming snake?), by playing into his hands, she willingly was the imp to some of Lord Baelish's brilliant scheming. On the shitty end though, she wins the "worst mother of ever" award for raising one of the few people in Westeros who is about as terrible as she is. Titty-feeding her near adolescent only child is one of those numerous Game of Thrones reveals tailor-made to make us feel both very uncomfortable and very much not like the person making us feel very uncomfortable. Mission accomplished. At least the actress Kate Dickie was amazing in The Witch.
The longer that Game of Thrones went on, the more I had to realistically brace myself that Samwell Tarly and his stupid wildling girlfriend Gilly were going to survive it all. They were the most annoying of all characters, particularly Sam who inexplicably kept being a thing. Worse yet, he kept being important too and even ended up Grand Fucking Maester despite the innumerable chances he had to die a horrible and deserving death. How this fat, cry baby wuss lived through literally piles of White Walkers trying to murder him is anybody's guess. Every time he had a sword in his hand he looked like he was about to burst into tears and even when he was walking around being boring, he either looked just as pitiful or was saying something somebody else would then rightfully make fun of. We were thankfully spared Gilly more than Sam, but no couple in all of Westeros made me audibly groan when either was on screen.
I mean, obviously right? King Joffrey the Cunt was without any rivals the worst villain in all of Game of Thrones and probably all of television history. Worst in both ways. The actual character of Joffrey was all the awful. He gave the words "spoiled", "moronic", and "sadistic" an even far worse name. Yet again, the character was so "good" at being terrible that it did not matter how much we were supposed to hate him. The hatred was nearly suffocating. Every time this pile of horseshit was on screen, it was physically painful to watch. Thankfully though, GoT saved its most out-of-nowhere death scene out of all of them for Joffrey. Is there a fan of this show that did not immediately start shouting with blissful satisfaction when the camera stayed on his rotten, purple fucking face chocking on poison? It was better than your favorite sportsball team winning a championship. Ooo, I can still taste it. So, so satisfying.
No comments:
Post a Comment