(2006)
Dir - John Carpenter
Overall: MEH
For his to-date penultimate film Pro-Life, John Carpenter chose to fuse the sensitive topic of abortion with Christian fanaticism and demonic monsters. It is a dark, occasionally over the top thriller that is both hit and miss in execution. Outside of the rather impressive creature design that comes near the finish line, this is the most visually bland of Carpenter's works. A women's health clinic's lights being shut off on a pleasant, warm-weathered morning basically provides the only means of atmospheric scenery. The script by Drew McWeeny and Scott Swan as well as the musical score by Carpenter's son Cody are just as unremarkable, though Ron Perlman makes for an imposing, calmly mannered villain. There is a couple of memorable moments and the tone is kept rather grounded and serious, but it is all not as exciting as it otherwise could be.
(2006)
Dir - Dario Argento
Overall: GOOD
The third television film in a row from Dario Argento and the last before making the hilariously over the top trainwreck Mother of Tears the following year, Pelts may rank as one of the most curiously strange entries in the once mighty filmmaker's career. As anyone with even a passing familiarity with Argento's work can attest to, this is saying something. It is once again unclear how ridiculous the director's intentions were as the cartoon level gore, overt sleaze, Meat Loaf's bombastically silly performance, and the very peculiar premise all lend themselves to bursts of head scratching laughter for the audience. As a critique on the fur industry of all things, it is played both dark and schlocky all at once and certainly a hoot if anything else.
(2006)
Dir - Joe Dante
Overall: MEH
Round two for Joe Dante in the Masters of Horror series is a similar social commentary essay as Homecoming was from the previous season. Instead of being anti-war/anti- right wing propaganda essentially, the Alice Sheldon adaptation The Screwfly Solution turns violent, toxic masculinity and Christian zealousness into a virus while throwing a quite random curve-ball at the audience during its closing minutes. Stripping away his usual knack for humor, Dante's straight-fisted approach does not particularly stick as numerous moments dip their toes into unintended silliness. The film seems both heavy handed and quite rushed, with lukewarm performances and an amateur quality look that is due to it being shot on digital cameras.
(2006)
Dir - Mick Garris
Overall: MEH
Arguably the dullest entry in the series, Masters of Horror creator Mick Garris' Clive Barker adaptation Valerie on the Stairs has certain compelling ingredients at play, but manages to mangle them in an incredibly lackluster fashion. Some excessive gore, nudity, and scenery chewing performances from Christopher Lloyd and Tony Toddd, (the later as a wildly made-up demon), occasionally provide a heartbeat or two, but the story itself is stagnant to a fault. The first half is incredibly tedious as the main protagonist does nothing except sit down to write in his room, hear knocks at his door, go out to find a nude woman calling for him, get yelled at by the other tenants, make friendly with the bro out of the bunch, and then it all repeats almost exactly as such several times over. Once things start getting more unholy and actually exciting, the boredom has taken too strong of a hold and it ends confusing and ham-fisted.
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