Tuesday, July 19, 2022

80's American Horror Party Forty-Seven

SCHIZOID
(1980)
Dir - David Paulsen
Overall: MEH

Red herrings abound in writer/director David Paulsens' textbook slasher Schizoid.  Essentially an Americanized, de-fanged giallo and therefor less interesting and ridiculous, it goes through the standard motions of setting up most of the characters we meet as the plausible murderer, yet the reveal is kind of bog standard and almost lazy.  Even the killer's choice of weaponry, (scissors), is hardly the most flashy of life-ending utensils.  Klaus Kinski is his usual, unavoidably menacing self and he does get to do unwholesome things like creep on his showering daughter and swing an axe while screaming, yet his role nevertheless subverts expectations after awhile.  On the far less batshit insane end, an early, more minor appearance from Christopher Lloyd is somewhat worth noting, but for the most part the rest of the performances are sufficient without being showy.  Gore wise, there is not much blood splatter to go around and the majority of the movie is just mildly engaging interactions between characters.  The film steers just shy of being an all-out bore, but there is also very little to liven things up.
 
TRANSYLVANIA 6-5000
(1985)
Dir - Rudy De Luca
Overall: WOOF
 
The lone, theatrically released directorial effort from frequent Mel Brooks collaborator Rudy De Luca was the astonishingly unfunny Transylvania 6-5000.  On paper, this Yugoslavic/American co-production is a horror spoof, with references to several Universal monster films thrown into an asinine plot that barely links any of them together by even the flimsiest of logical means.  Though heavy hitters Jeff Goldblum, Ed Begely Jr., Michael Richards, Jefferey Jones, Carol Kane, and a particularly babely Geena Davis are all on board, nobody on screen can salvage a solitary moment of screen time and instead, they painfully embarrass themselves while trying.  It cannot be understated how relentlessly unfunny De Luca's script is.  Literally every single joke falls pathetically flat and there are countless attempts at them.  It is almost as if De Luca was trying to make an anti-Mel Brooks satire; the same basic concept of Young Frankenstein with the same kinetic pace, except also with none of the charm and all of the "jokes" replaced with the lamest conceivable variations of what humor is actually supposed to be.
 
ALIENS
(1986)
Dir - James Cameron
Overall: GREAT

An utterly perfect action movie that doubles as one of the best horror sequels ever made, James Cameron's seminal Aliens is iconic for all of the right reasons.  A lengthy negotiation time in development and a troubled shoot both failed to get in the way of the final result where everything came together on screen.  The cast is fantastic, Cameron's script deepens the mythos of the first film while stylistically adhering to it, the production design is elaborately impressive, Stan Winston's creature work is as good as such things ever get, and it helped develop the feminist action hero by adhering to the testosterone-driven, 1980s framework for such movies.  The world building carries a lot of weight as Cameron takes the same slow boil approach to the story that Ridley Scott did with the first film.  By letting the audience soak in the details of the universe and the characters within it, tension is persistently maintained and then revved up due to the finely structured plotting.  The Alien franchise would never achieve such greatness again, yet the fact that the first two installments hit such an utterly superb watermark in the first place is rather miracle enough.

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