(1992)
Dir - Christopher Thies
Overall: WOOF
A no-budget, SOV crapterpiece that is mostly infamous for having the least convincing stop-motion animation in all of filmdom, Winterbeast thankfully has plenty else awful going for it to appease the devout, really bad movie fan. The lone "film" from Boston, Massachusetts native Christopher Thies, it was shot over several years and represents a triumph of will and perseverance over any talent whatsoever. Daft from frame one until frame last, it indulges in boatloads of hilarious fuck-ups. The most boring, awkwardly cramped cinematography imaginable, non actors delivering first-draft worthy dialog while regularly fumbling their lines, inconsistent editing, ADR that does not come within miles of matching the lips of the people who are supposed to be speaking it, repetitive sound effects, a zombie for reasons, a bar fight for reasons, an eccentric lodge owner character who lisps and screams with unhinged fervor, and a dildo in one scene that absolutely nobody notices, one could make a drinking game out of such insanity and end up in the hospital within about fifteen minutes. This is an oddity not just in its, well, oddness yet also because it is so bizarrely inept that it remains fascinating even when it is boring.
(1994)
Dir - Alex Proyas
Overall: GOOD
Unfortunately overshadowed by the on set death of star Brandon Lee which eerily mirrored that of his iconic father due to both of them being young and on the cusp of a major Hollywood breakthrough, The Crow is a wonderfully stylized, very rainy, 90s Goth culture near-masterpiece that holds up as one of the strongest comic book adaptations ever made. James O'Barr's super moody source material suffers from some minor campiness, borderline dizzying editing, and sub-par digital effects, but it is otherwise fetchingly brought to the screen by Australian filmmaker Alex Proyas in his American debut behind the lens. Towering, soaking wet, dark and spooky architecture, shadows, fog, blood, and a soundtrack full of notable alternative bands and romantic choral music create an atmosphere that perfectly suites the urban, cesspool, Devils Night landscape. As the ultra-cool, "mime from hell", revenge zombie, Alice Cooper stand-in Eric Draven, Lee is pitch-perfect in the lead, with Michael Wincott's bass-voiced, southern crime boss being a solid, villainous match. The cast is strong all around actually as the bad guys ham it up and Ernie Hudson and Rochelle Davis provide a benevolent essence to counter-act all of the heavy doom and gloom. Lee's tragic demise may make the movie a tough watch at times on account of its ultra-violent nature, but it is an incredibly fitting send-off all the same that deserves its much beloved reputation.
(1999)
Dir - Daniel Liatowitsch/David Todd Ocvirk
Overall: MEH
The lone feature-length work from the writer/director/producer team of Daniel Liatowitsch and David Todd Ocvirk, Kolobos, (Haunted House), is a rather blatant giallo homage that has zero need apparently for coherent storytelling, believable performances, or adequate production values. Right from the opening credits which feature a musical theme hilariously lifted off of Suspiria that any judge in any country would have rewarded in Goblin's favor had they filed a lawsuit over copyrright infringement, Liatowitsch and Ocvirk let their influences be blarringly heard. As a very low-budget, bordering SOV product, the filmmakers obviously do not have the means to stage grandiose set pieces full of flashy cinematography or Bava-tinged color schemes, but they check off the black-gloved killer gimmick and construct their script in an aggressively head-trippy manner. With their hearts in the right place at least, there is an amatuerish, labor of love charm here that forgives some of the movie's shortcomings, but those shortcomings are quite heavy. The acting is genuinely atrocious, but much of the blame lies at the unnatural writing where half of the characters are incredibly obnoxious slasher-bait that make idiotic decisions while begging the audience to want to punch them mercilessly in the face. Things quickly and steadily collapse under the ambition of the project to the point where it hardly even matters at all what the actual "story" is or even what is happening on screen
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