30's Bela Lugosi Part Three

ISLAND OF LOST SOULS
(1932)
Dir - Erle C. Kenton
Overall: GOOD

In the same year that they released the quintessential and fantastic Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Paramount Pictures adapted another famous literary work in H.G. Wells' The Island of Dr. Moreau, here titled The Island of Lost Souls.  Similarly again, this still stands as the strongest cinematic retelling of the source material and the one that ushered in the phrases "Are we not men?" and "What is the law?" into the pop culture lexicon.  Speaking of said dialog, Béla Lugosi delivers them with his trademark, Hungarian accent as the Sayer of the Law, sadly a minor role yet one that he still sinks his thespian chops into.  As Moreau, Charles Laughton is effortlessly menacing, bouncing between smug, effeminate charm and the type of megalomaniac posturing that only a man who makes humans out of animals would succumb to.  The plot is condensed to accommodate the brisk running time, though the element of the panther woman, (played alluringly by Kathleen Burke), was introduced here as it was not included in Wells' original novel.  Timid by today's standards of course, but the film also pushed various Pre-Code boundaries with its man playing god proclamations and both females appearing scantily clad at times.

 

THE MYSTERY OF THE MARY CELESTE

(1935)

Dir - Denison Clift

Overall: MEH

 

One of the earliest Hammer productions to dip its toes into horror that was also released in shorter form by twenty minutes in the US, The Mystery of the Mary Celeste, (Phantom Ship), is also the only one to feature Béla Lugosi who made two back-to-back films that year in England.  Based on the 1872 case of the merchant brigantine Mary Celeste which was found adrift in the Atlantic Ocean with all of its crew missing, the story is given the melodramatic treatment by screenwriter Charles Larkworthy and director Denison Clift, this serving as the latter's final effort from behind the lens.  We are introduced to a ragtag group of weathered seaman who drink, sing, and argue with each other, as well as the Captain and his bride-to-be who all set sail on the ship of the title with an especially rough for ware, one-armed Lugosi joining the party as well.  The horror icon is top-billed yet only has a minor part, be it a significant one when the mystery is finally solved as to who is offing everyone on their doomed voyage.  Lugosi has the skill to elevate what is otherwise a cruddy and forgettable B-movie, but sadly, he can only do so much with his minimal amount of screen time and a story that fails to make any of its plot points or characters compelling.

 

THE PHANTOM CREEPS

(1939)

Dir - Ford Beebe/Saul A. Goodkind

Overall: MEH

The edited down, feature-length version of Universal's twelve part serial The Phantom Creeps arrived for television audiences ten years after it was originally made, trimming all of the fat and then some to condense its original four and a half hour running time down to a brisk seventy-eight minutes.  With no seconds to lose, we are thrust right into Lugosi's mad scientist lab where he unveils his giant killer robot and various other weaponized experiments.  Characters come and go without any proper introduction and a slew of camera swipes and the like help bulldoze things along, giving the whole thing a kinetic pace that is far from the usual for a talky B-movie.  There are some primitive special effects involving Lugosi's invisibility belt, stock footage, few establishing shots, toy airplanes crashing, and an incessant musical score, but ultimately it all proves that this was better suited in its original form, meaning taken in at twenty-odd minute incriminates.  Stretched out and strung together, it comes off as haphazard and mindlessly boring, despite the energetic presentation and Lugosi chewing the scenery in his revenge/taking over the world/whatever scheme.  At least the robot monster has a memorable look to it and one that perpetual Lugosi fan Rob Zombie would utilize at various times throughout his career.

30's American Horror Part Ten - (Frank R. Strayer Edition)

THE MONSTER WALKS

(1932)
Overall: WOOF

The miserable and dull, old dark house outing The Monster Walks was a minimally budgeted one from forgotten Poverty Row studio Mayfair Pictures.  It boils down to sixty-three minutes of a handful of characters slowly walking into rooms and asking if everybody in there is absolutely sure that an ape cannot get out of its cage, only for them to then slowly walk into other rooms and ask if everybody in there is absolutely sure that an ape cannot get out of its cage.  The fact that the "ape" in question is actually a chimpanzee proves that they could not even get the primate details right.  There is also some sprinklings of hilariously racist, zero-laughs humor that has dated about as well as anything else unintentionally offensive from the Pre-Code Hollywood era.  The title is misleading, the plot is a poor man's, minimal effort version of The Cat in the Canary, the cast seem asleep at the wheel, and not a single murder or macabre bit whatsoever transpires until the movie has less than twenty-minutes left in it.  So yes, this is a top to bottom waste of time in every detail.

 

THE VAMPIRE BAT

(1933)
Overall: MEH

Once again bringing scream queen Fay Wray together with Lionel Atwill, the resulting The Vampire Bat is unfortunately a boring B-effort from Poverty Row studio Majestic Pictures.  While much of the other cast is strong and recognizable with Melvyn Douglas as the hero and Dwight Fry playing yet another variation of Renfield to the point of plagiarism, bit players go through the motions and Maude Eburne makes for a dull substitute to Una O'Connor's hysterical elderly woman from Universal's The Invisible Man which was released the same year.  Even though it is barely over an hour in length, the film drags throughout almost all of its set pieces and the reveal of Atwill's evil scientist's intentions seems both lazy and baffling.  They have something to do with hypnotism, creating life and fill in the blanks whatever.  Director Frank R. Strayer, (who made a handful of conservatively budgeted horror films throughout the 1930s as well as a dozen Blondie! movies nearly in a row), hardly brings anything conceptually interesting to the table besides a few slow and shadowy shots right out of Universal's landmark monster movies, plus some unfunny closeups of a dog waking up a fainted woman.  So besides having another one of Fry's typecast performances, this is skipable.

 

THE GHOST WALKS
(1934)
Overall: MEH

 

A by-numbers old dark house thriller with a deliberately light tone, The Ghost Walks is one of a handful of murder mysteries from director Frank R. Strayer that is shot as little more than a stage play.  That is to say that cinematographer M.A. Anderson performs a thankless task, merely bouncing between either medium or wide shots to put the audience member in the seat of a theater goer.  Visually stagnant then, the story has nothing to offer the frequented sub-genre, throwing several forgettable characters together in a spacious abode where they are just trying to get through the night without people disappearing.  The police show up, suspicion is cast hither and tither, and of course it is proven that there are no supernatural elements transpiring.  Instead, it is just a crazy guy from an insane asylum who decides to cause mischief because he thinks that he is a mad scientist or something.  There are no familiar faces on screen and Chesterfield Pictures hardly produced any works from the era that anyone remembers, eventually merging into Republic Pictures shortly after the release of this bog-standard B-movie.

CONDEMNED TO LIVE
(1935)
Overall: MEH

Though it cannot overcome an talky plot and the persistently flat direction from Frank R. Strayer, Condemned to Live is unique in some respects amongst Poverty Row cheapies.  A vampire film that was made when there were only a handful of them, it takes a singular approach where Ralph Morgan's town doctor simply turns into a murderous mad man when the sun goes down, never spouting fangs, sleeping in a coffin, or even being aware that he is biting people once he snaps out of such a daze.  Most of the dialog revolves around whether or not a young woman is actually in love with the much older Morgan or if she is just fond and grateful of him, that is until the second half when Morgan doubts his sanity and people discuss whether such a mild mannered and respectable man could be the culprit.  As one could guess, there is no gloomy atmosphere or frightening set pieces anywhere to be found and the few times that Morgan does contort his face to become an imposing presence on screen, the moment is over just as quickly as it begins.  Even some angry mobs, a hunchback, some sets that were allegedly borrowed from Universal, and a melancholic tone fail to elevate it above being merely competent.

30's American Horror Part Nine

SECRET OF THE BLUE ROOM
(1933)
Dir - Kurt Neumann
Overall: MEH

 

Universal's version of the German film Geheimnis des blauen Zimmers would get the remake treatment from the studio two more times in the following decade and some change, with horror regulars Lionel Atwill and Gloria Stuart showing up here.  Secret of the Blue Room has a rudimentary, old dark house premise of a handful of people staying at a spacious manner and daring each other to sleep in the infamous blue room of the title; a room that three people had previously perished in at one o'clock in the AM.  The Old Dark House element is even more prominent since portions of the set where allegedly utilized on the James Whale-directed classic the previous year, which also starred Stewart of course.  Though silly in some respects with plot holes galore, it is handled with melodramatic professionalism from its cast and director Kurt Neumann maintains a stead pace.  The spooky atmosphere proves to be a red herring as things quickly reduce to a typical whodunit scenario of a police inspector conducting interviews and various characters who are withholding pivotal information, but it gets in and out agreeably.

THE NINTH GUEST
(1934)
Dir - Roy William Neill
Overall: MEH

A precursor to Agatha Christie's famed, 1939 novel And Then There Were None, The Ninth Guest from Columbia Pictures features an identical plot of several people trapped in a mansion, getting picked off in dramatic fashion one at a time as their unseen host psychologically torments them.  Unfortunately though, it is less tightly-scripted than it pretends to be and suffers from forgettable characters and insufficient pacing from director Roy William Neill, who had been making movies since the 1910s.  The cast of working character actors go through the motions sufficiently enough and there are some grisly deaths in Garnet Weston's script; a script that was based on the Owen Davis' play of the same name, itself an adaptation of Bruce Manning's book The Invisible Host.  An electric gate and acid-tainted alcohol do away with several characters, yet it happens with pinpoint procession from the man on the radio who of course is actually one of the guests and turns on the evil mugging once exposed.  The first act sinks the proceedings before they even get going though, hilariously showing us everyone's telegrammed invitation about seven dozen times just in case theater patrons from the day were late getting to their seats.

THE RETURN OF DOCTOR X
(1939)
Dir - Vincent Sherman
Overall: MEH

 

Notable as the only horror movie to star Humphrey Bogart, The Return of Doctor X is a sequel in name only to the Lionel Atwill/Fay Wray-starred Doctor X from six years prior.  Bogart's performance is minor and it was done at a time in his career when he was typecast as heavies for the Warner Bros. B-unit, but he easily stands as the most interesting aspect here.  Donning a limp, spectacles, a pale completion, and a white streak in his hair, he remains unsettling throughout and easily outshines the rest of the stock and forgettable characters that he has to work against.  On that note, the movie is an uninspired yawn, mostly focusing on Wayne Morris' golly-shucks news reporter who makes a bland, top-billed protagonist to say the least.  Based on the short story "The Doctor's Secret" by William J. Makin, it concerns the usual pseudoscience nonsense of reviving dead tissue, a noble cause that has to run into some hick-ups or else there would be no tale to tell.  Though hardly a conventional vampire yarn, Bogart's resurrected doctor of the title does need to kill and garnish human blood in order to prologue his artificial existence.  Sadly, exciting set pieces are non-existent and everyone prattles on and on instead, but it is almost a passable curiosity due to Bogie's involvement.

2024 Horror Part Three

I SAW THE TV GLOW
Dir - Jane Schoenbrun
Overall: GREAT

 

As their follow up to the exemplary low-key We're All Going to the World's Fair, writer/director Jane Schoenbrun tackles many complicated facets of the transgender experience with a more explicit pallet to play with.  For those unfamiliar with the fact that Schoenbrun their-self is non-binary, I Saw the TV Glow may read more readily as a frightening metaphor for aging out of what gets us through our youth, in this case a fictitious television show that is Buffy the Vampire Slayer in all but name, (slammed home by the fact that Amber Benson herself makes a cameo).  Any teenagers or adults with high anxiety or any other spectrum afflictions who lament the fact that life keeps cruising by to a bleak outcome can relate to what Justice Smith and Brigette Lundy-Paine are going through here, which is a testament to Schoenbrun's broad ambition that this is not exclusively akin to those who struggle with gender or sexual identity.  Make no mistake though, those theme are at the forefront of a vividly photographed and designed, (as well as beautifully acted), work that is one of the most poignant genre films about what we feel our life should be compared to what we settle on making it.

ABIGAIL
Dir - Matt Bettinelli-Olpin/Tyler Gillett
Overall: MEH

 

The latest from the Radio Silence filmmaking duo of Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett is a mostly fun, R-rated horror romp, but it lays on the bombastic schlock to ruining levels in its unsatisfactory ending.  Somewhere along the line, (possibly always?), vampires are required to chew the scenery as much as they do their victims and up until a point, Abigail works its comedic shtick appropriately with all of the blood-suckers gaining superhuman quipping and smirking abilities.  While the characters and all of the plot points list more like a series of cliches than anything inventive, the cast knows the assignment and it is hard not to fall for Alisha Weir in particular as the ballerina-dancing undead of the title who proves to be a badass amongst a wise-cracking gang of criminals that are trapped in a mansion with her.  There are no loose ends in the script department as it plays out to popcorn-munching payoffs and setups the whole way through, but as is often the case with contemporary genre hybrids, the character's emotional hooks are handled too seriously and prove to be arguably unnecessary when the whole thing could have benefited from an exclusively goofy tone.  That said, the finale does go big and dumb, but even with its imperfections in tow, there are still several laugh-out-loud moments to get a kick out of.

HANDLING THE UNDEAD

Dir - Thea Hvistendahl

Overall: MEH

 

Relentlessly still and ultimately just as unwavering in its misery, Handling the Undead is the latest cinematic adaptation of one of John Ajvide Lindqvist's novels.  Sadly, it is weaker than both Let the Right One In and Border since its perpetual tone offers up nothing more than ninety-odd minutes of people quietly suffering the emotional trauma of first having their loved ones die and then getting false hope that they are miraculously spared that loss.  Still, the film and the story are not entirely wasted on barely-written characters that we never get to know or a lingering feeling of pointless dread.  The first act is expertly handled by director Thea Hvistendahl, this being her full-length debut and continuing the trajectory of Lindqvist working with a different filmmaker on each of his projects.  Since we do not know where things are headed, the lack of dialog and bouncing between three different and seemingly mundane narratives that may or may not be happening simultaneously gives it a fascinating sense of unease.  Sort of like what Chantal Akerman's take on a genre film would be.  Unfortunately once we arrive at what type of horror category this falls into, the movie stops dead, (pun intended), in its tracks and then it is only a matter of time before it arrives at its predictably dismal conclusion.  It works to a point as a mood piece, but it is too undercooked to deliver on its potential.

2024 Horror Part Two

ARCADIAN

Dir - Benjamin Brewer

Overall: MEH

 

Director Benjamin Brewer, producer/writer Michael Nilon, and star Nicolas Cage all lock horns again with the post-apocalyptic snore-fest Arcadian; an international co-production that takes a cold and lazy approach to tired concepts that it barely bothers to explore.  There are problems here from top-to-bottom, first of all with an uninspired story about families who have learned to meagerly survive the end of civilization against freakish creatures that burrow underground and bang on doors.  Said monsters look as realistic as Who Framed Roger Rabbit? cartoons,(terribly), digitally rendered to the point of unintended hysterics.  Not that you get too many clear looks at them in the first place since Frank Mobilio's exclusively hand-held cinematography gives everything a murky aesthetic that is as ugly as it is tiring to decipher.  Also, none of the characters are properly fleshed-out so that their harrowing plot falls on deaf ears as things escalate, plus their dialog is sappy and embarrassing.  Cage is more restrained than usual even if he disappears for the entire second act, but this is a case where some of his patented, gonzo scenery-chewing could have actually given the movie a much-needed adrenaline shot.

 

HUMANE

Dir - Caitlin Cronenberg

Overall: MEH

 

The first full-length Humane from Caitlin Cronenberg is a different beast than the famed body horror output of her father David or her brother Brandon's similarly-veined psychological outings.  Instead, it is a Purge-style black comedy that misses its mark, which is not surprising due to its implausible plot development that skews plenty of divisive political paranoia to ridiculous lengths.  Depending on the tinfoil hat-wearing willingness of the viewer, the ideas that writer/producer Michael Sparaga's script offers up may in fact seem frighteningly plausible.  Yet it still comes off as silly that a large enough number of the populous would willingly euthanize themselves for a government payout due to overpopulation and environmental concerns.  Equally far-fetched is the immediately violent way that a family of one-percenters behaves when forced to get one of themselves on the chopping block, which is when the film's more humorous elements tiptoe into possible unintentionally funny terrain.  Unfortunately, Caitlin Cronenberg lacks the visual storytelling expertise of her own family members, merely shooting her chaotic thriller in a competent though formulaic fashion.  It is not a total disaster, with some solid performances to appreciate if one can forgive the fact that they all play unlikable characters, as well as turning a blind eye to the narrative shortcomings and pedestrian presentation.

 

STING

Dir - Kiah Roache-Turner

Overall: MEH

 

It has been a minute since we got a killer spider movie with some buzz, but regrettably, the one that we are presented with here in Sting is a tonal mess of a schlock fest.  An Australian/American co-production that was shot in the former country, writer/director Kiah Roache-Turner is channeling the type of monster B-movie juice found in Arachnophobia and Tremors, but he infuses it with lame-brained humor and a sappy story-line.  This is a common faux pas with many a horror film that makes the goofy parts too goofy and the serious parts too serious, trying to ride that thin line without committing enough to either side in order to make them work.  Everyone on screen here is giving it their all, (even if comedian Jermaine Fowler is unfortunately hired as the stereotypical "funny black guy" and is more eyeball-rollingly cliched than amusing), but watching a struggling dad and his troubled stepdaughter come to emotionally devastating blows with each other while a senile grandma keeps forgetting that she called the exterminators already just makes for confused final product.  Thankfully, there are some wonderful and icky practical effects work, but the cartoony shots of the title arachnid in its small-scale form are as embarrassing as any CGI out there.

2024 Horror Part One

IMMACULATE

Dir - Michael Mohan

Overall: MEH

The latest collaboration Immaculate between director Michael Mohan and actor Sydney Sweeney can be seen as a nunsploitation response to Roe v. Wade being overturned, but the schlock-heavy execution leaves something to be desired.  In development hell for a decade, Sweeney got enough recent cred to get it greenlit under her own production company Fifty-Fifty Films.  Shooting it in Rome with mostly local actors to the country gives it a level of Euro-trash authenticity that hearkens back to convent horror's heyday.  Sweeney is great in the lead, succumbing to a form of, (as the title would suggest), immaculate conception that is more removed from god's divine providence than would be preferable, plus the movie does not skimp on its unflattering brutality and exploitation value, (though anyone expecting lustful nuns engaging in naked behavior will have to look elsewhere).  The third act reveal is more silly than gasp-worthy and as Mohan's first foray into the genre, he plays it too conventionally to elevate what is not the most refreshing material in the first place.  Inconsistent yet not without some unintentionally goofy charm, (and a nasty ending to boot), it gets a solid B for effort.

BRAMAYUGAM

Dir - Rahul Sadasivan

Overall: MEH

A black and white, Malayalam folk horror epic from filmmaker Rahul Sadasivan, Bramayugam, (The Age of Madness), is richly photographed and suffocating with ominous atmosphere, but it also extends its dark fairy tale story to the point of over-indulgence.  Notable for containing a command performance from the ridiculously prolific actor Mammootty, (whose career is over four-hundred films deep at this writing), it delves deep into Kerala folklore, trapping its two protagonists in a dilapidated mansion by a mysterious and terrifying Master who is likewise supernaturally bound to the place.  Details are slowly dished out as to what is going on and by the movie's drawn-out climax, the mystery has been exhaustively covered.  While immersive up until a point due to Shehnad Jalal's cinematography, the wet, muddy, and claustrophobic set design, Christo Xavier's persistently foreboding music, and the painstaking patience that Sadasivan exhibits in its pacing, frustration unfortunately sets in as we meander like the characters do in an endless stream of inescapable dread.  The narrative falls apart under the presentation's sheer weight and overstays its welcome by at least thirty to forty minutes, but it still weaves a supernatural spell through its themes of power manipulation, fate, and the silence of any intervening god.

EXHUMA

Dir - Jang Jae-hyun

Overall: GOOD

 

For his latest and most ambitious supernatural project Exhuma, writer/director Jang Jae-hyun delivers a folk horror tale that is epic in scope and treats its material with an impressive amount of detail and grit.  Though the narrative is broken up into several chapters, it comes off as two films that are run right after each other.  The first arc concludes at about an hour in and is already packed with plenty of ominous folklore and a heart-racing climax, making it necessary for the events of the second half to be that much more dark and explicit.  While this may prove exhausting for some viewers since Jang never eases up on the grim tone that unveils more and more layers to shaman mysticism and ancient curses, the dire presentation gives this a sophisticated edge that disguises what could have been mere schlock-ridden occult shenanigans.  The cast is excellent, particularly Choi Min-sik and Kim Go-eun as a Feng shui master and shaman respectfully, both of whom spend more time confused and paralyzed in their tracks than in displaying otherworldly wisdom and confidence.  Some CGIed foxes notwithstanding, Jang's insistence on using practical effects, plus a last act reveal of an imposing presence, (to say the least), are both appreciated.

2023 Horror Part Eighteen

HORROR IN THE HIGH DESERT 2: MINERVA

Dir - Dutch Marich
Overall: MEH

Indie filmmaker Dutch Marich pulls off an unsatisfying bait-and-switch with Horror in the High Desert 2: Minerva, a follow-up to his 2021 film Horror in the High Desert that utilizes the same mockumentary framework while detouring with a different story that only mentions the events from the first film in passing, once again promising to get back to them later.  So yes, this one ends on another cliffhanger to try and garnish interest in further developments, yet by the looks of things, Marich may lose viewers instead of continuing to hook them along the way.  As opposed to its predecessor, there is no long-winded build up here as we get right to the unsettling found footage in a fresh new missing case; the woman of the title who was a geology student shacked up at a creepy, isolated trailer with a vaguely sinister past.  Part of the problem is that while we are given a lot of stuff to look at that spans several years and various characters, it is frustratingly undecipherable.  Marich is going for a teasing approach to keep us invested as to what is luring in such murky, dark, and poorly photographed shots, but the mystery is deepened without any interesting revelations.  We also have a haphazard side-plot that takes up the entire third act and some silly paintings of creepy figures in the woods, making this a bloated and meandering side-step that tries our patience in place of delivering genuine chills.

WHERE THE DEVIL ROAMS

Dir - John Adams/Zelda Adams/Toby Poser

Overall: MEH

The latest from the Adams family who write, produce, direct, shoot, and star in their own independent horror films, Where the Devil Roams is another quirky slice of violent, occult-fueled Americana that recalls their 2018 movie The Hatred.  Set during the Great Depression where people are reeling from the devastation of World War I, it has the Adamses portraying a family of traveling carnie folk who occasionally murder people along their route.  Aesthetically, the digital film quality is too clean and low-end to properly convey the time period, but the team's penchant for grimy, goth rock surreal flashes, their own metal band H6llB6nd6r providing a not-at-all-time-accurate soundtrack, and characters routinely rhyming, singing, doing interpretative theater, and poetically pontificating about the Devil and the like all rides the line of being cringy, yet also deliberately macabre and kitschy.  As has steadily been the case, the cinematic output of Toby Poser and John and Zelda Adams is more fun than good, but if this is any indication, it is also getting more grand and bizarre which in their case is not a bad thing.

 

NEW LIFE

Dir - John Rosman

Overall: MEH

 

A promising if imperfect debut from writer/director John Rosman, New Life has a bare-bones premise that equally focuses on two women who are undergoing traumatic experiences, but it utilizes cheap horror tactics that undermine a solid story about the unavoidable encroachment of life's cruel hand.  Sonya Walger and Haley Erin's characters would otherwise have no reason to cross each other's paths, but when the later unknowingly becomes an asymptomatic host to an aggressive virus that reduces anyone who comes in contact with it to a blood-thirsty puss zombie, Walger's fixer, (who has recently been diagnosed with her own comparatively more slow-moving disease), must hunt the poor, confused, and terrified lady down.  It makes for a heart-wrenching watch and both actors are ideally cast as women who are going through the motions to survive, only for their ailments to get the better of them come hell or high water.  The budget is modest and besides some nasty blood work, it is void of special effects, all of which makes it agreeably intimate.  Sadly, we also have stupid jump scares and when a handful of poor saps become fully infected, they lurch at the camera and omit the same stock, loud screechy monster noise that is in virtually every single contemporary horror movie.  Take that lazy nonsense out of the equation and play everything without a genre-pandering agenda and you have a duel, post-pandemic character study that is well-done and potent.

2023 Horror Part Seventeen

THE CONFERENCE
Dir - Patrik Eklund
Overall: MEH

 

The second full-length from Swedish filmmaker Patrik Eklund, The Conference, (Konferensen), takes the office space horror comedy into the woods.  Because so, so, so many slasher movies have been barfed out with an identical structure for over four decades now, one or two differentiating angles are apparently all that it takes to get another one greenlit.  Not that Sweden cinema is as immersed with the slasher sub-genre as on the other side of the Atlantic, (or Italy for that matter), but besides the language that everyone speaks, the company retreat via Friday the 13th gimmick, and the gradual reveal that our killer bumbles his way through his murders as often as his schlubby victims get the better of him, this is the same slice and dice nonsense that has been done a billion times.  Three of the corporate shill characters are eccentric douchebags, with Adam Lundgren being a more obnoxious villain than a fun one, plus the actual murderer refuses to talk and puts on a big stupid mask that he cannot possibly see out of, let alone have superhuman periphery vision in.  Thankfully though, the finale showdown has the least-likely-to-survive minor players step up to the plate and they fend for themselves in a manner that is at least kind of intentionally funny.

SOMEWHERE QUIET

Dir - Olivia West Lloyd

Overall: MEH

 

Milking the "gaslighting women" cliche for all that it is worth, writer/director Olivia West Lloyd's Somewhere Quiet is the sixth horror film in a row to feature Marin Ireland and the second from 2023 where she ends up tied to a banister in a basement.  Lloyd intentionally explores a post-final girl scenario where a woman tries to adjust to some semblance of normalcy after getting kidnapped, yet she bashes the idea that nothing is as it seems to the point of, (likely), deliberate frustration.  Jennifer Kim is sufficient in the lead, coming across like a helplessly broken woman who painfully begins to realize that trust is no longer an option for her to bestow on anyone, least of all her husband who is either doing his best and feeling the weight of his partner's trauma or was behind that trauma the entire time.  While it is not refreshing that Lloyd provides no answers, she also does not stage this as a hackneyed tale of a woman overcoming her PSD to face the world with newfound optimism and this gives the movie a grim edge over what it could have been under a more digestible framework.  Still too unpleasant and nebulous to enjoy, but it captures a type of inescapable hopelessness that few films have the determination to stick with.

GODZILLA MINUS ONE
Dir - Takashi Yamazaki
Overall: GOOD

Seventy years and gallons of entries in, Toho's Godzilla franchise achieved its most lauded spectacle with Takashi Yamazaki's Godzilla Minus One, (Gojira Mainasu Wan); yet another reboot that became the most globally appreciated perhaps in the series' history.  No small feat for the title monster that will never die and this installment while imperfect still mitigates many of the given flaws in kaiju movies.  Godzilla has a minimal amount of screen time yet again but Yamazaki's attempt to actually make him terrifying for once actually pays off, particularly in his first ocean appearance which is arguably the most nail-biting sequence that the series ever produced.  The choice to focus the narrative on a single ex-kamikaze pilot just after Japan's rehabilitation from World War II is a stellar move, not just because it bypasses the lazy and boring concept of military people and scientist trying to concoct one failure of a Godzilla-killing plan after the other, but because Ryunosuke Kamiki's antagonist is beautifully compelling.  Yamazaki's script dips too much into Spielbergian syrup in its closing act where every side character and previous set-up gets delivered with a popcorn-munching roar of approval, but even with its cornball sentimentality in tow, the themes of post-war trauma and the relentless sacrifice and suffering endured from the Japanese perspective is something that no other Godzilla movie has delved into so deeply.

2023 Horror Part Sixteen

HOME FOR RENT

(2023)

Dir - Sophon Sakdaphisit

Overall: MEH

Another unabashed horror outing from Thai director Sophon Sakdaphisit, Home for Rent bites off a lot for a schlock fest and it wastes no time in doing so, pummeling the audience with "bump in the night" occult scare tactics and trying to have its emotionally ravaged outcome at the same time.  It can be seen as the country's answer to a James Wan movie; one that is so over the top that it becomes unintentionally goofy yet also one that diligently stays in its genre in the most aggressively popcorn-munching manner.  Broken up into three sections, (the latter two filling in each last nuance of mystery that was thrust upon the audience in the first one), Sakdaphisit and co-screenwriter Tanida Hantaweewatana throw every super scary detail that they can think of into the mix and never let the momentum simmer for an instant.  Old grandma witches, "white eyes equals creepy", chanting cult members, sinister symbols and alters bathed in blood, not one but two creepy dolls, psychic children, dead children, crows, mysterious behavior, shady characters, concerning tattoos, evil red books with no writing in them, CGI monster-faced ghosts, a continuous musical score, and jump scares a plenty; the entire thing easily tip its toes into a laughing stock on paper.  The performances are wonderful though and such a ludicrous supernatural story somehow defies the odds by being able to tug at the viewer's heartstrings by the heavy finale.

LATE NIGHT WITH THE DEVIL
Dir - Cameron Cairnes/Colin Cairnes
Overall: MEH

The latest Late Night with the Devil from Australian sibling writer/director duo Cameron and Colin Cairnes gets by to a point on its bold premise and throwback aesthetic, but it also misses too many shots at the basket along the way.  First off, the found footage gimmick is half-assed, throwing in a stylized prologue and then presenting a complete recording of an alleged, 1977 late night talk show broadcast that also inexplicably has polished, black and white handheld camera sequences during the commercial breaks.  Also because of course, the digital effects and camera operators crosscutting between things that are inexplicably supernatural does everything in its power to further break verisimilitude, pummeling the viewer with the age-old found footage faux pas of "Who is editing all of this and why are they still shooting all of this so cinematically?".  That is a shame because other elements of the movie are fun, including a dedicated cast, a nifty concept, and a mostly authentic period presentation.  Many horror tropes are toyed with, as well as backstage politics and even a Bohemian Grove tie-in that provides plenty of juicy Easter eggs to nibble on.  The Cairnes' script leaves much to be desired though.  Despite its persistent flaws, it deserves props for still managing to keep the audience invested as to what diabolical and strange place everything is headed in, but the finale drops the ball, the intended humor never lands, and it clumsily bites off too much to chew.

LOVELY, DARK, AND DEEP

Dir - Teresa Sutherland

Overall: MEH

Though its unwavering mood is commendable, writer/director Teresa Sutherland's full-length debut Lovely, Dark, and Deep ends up spinning its wheels in an abyss of traumatic nightmare logic.  Georgina Campbell is becoming a scream queen as of late, appearing in a number of horror or horror-adjacent films and she does stoic work here as a park ranger in the Pacific Northwest who is drawn to such a line of work due to her sister disappearing at her current job's location, where a steady stream of people have also vanished to the point of even podcasts apparently trying to uncover the Bermuda Triangle-esque conspiracy of the place.  Campbell is aloof and says little, but this fits the trajectory of a person with Bruce Wayne determination to right a childhood wrong, yet her ultimate destination leaves much to be desired.  The mysterious tone serves the story better in the first of the film's two halves where the expansive woodland location has an effortlessly chilling and intimidating quality that could harbor any number of supernatural things.  Once we delve into them though, the momentum drags with an endless stream of shifting hallucinations that offer no satisfactory closure for our protagonist and instead just bring about a frustrating acceptance of the unknown.

2023 Horror Part Fifteen

POOR THINGS
Dir - Yorgos Lanthimos
Overall: GOOD

 

The latest from the innately quirky filmmaker Yorgos Lanthimos, Poor Things fuses his singular brand of boundary-pushing singularity with Alasdair Gray's 1992 novel of the same name.  In development for nearly a decade and a half, Lanthimos continues his partnership with screenwriter Tony McNamara, cinematographer Robbie Ryan, and actor Emma Stone, the latter who turns in a showy and transformative performance as a sexually promiscuous science project with a childlike ignorance and stubborn curiosity for independent enlightenment.  The fact that her character has the body of a pregnant woman who committed suicide and the brain of said pregnant woman's unborn infant implanted inside of her is just one of many ridiculous details to a series of hilarious events that escalate as a bizarre coming-of-age/Marry Shelley's Frankenstein/feminist parody hybrid.  Aesthetically, it is a tour de force for Lanthimos and Ryan, who shoot a sprawling, steam punk Victorian London with gorgeous flash, making every nuance pop off the screen like a demented and lush fairy tale.  It is an expansive oddity that intellectually examines the human experience of both men and women, all while matching the pretentiousness of the materiel with a presentation that pokes fun at itself as much as it provokes.

STOPMOTION

Dir - Robert Morgan

Overall: MEH

For fans of British stop motion animator Robert Morgan, his apply titled, full-length debut Stopmotion will arrive with a certain degree of anticipation.  After three decades of exclusively working in short films, his eccentric, grimy, and disturbed aesthetic is finally brought to ninety-three minute life with the assistance of co-screenwriter Robin King.  Yet even though it is a visual and atmospheric triumph that delivers on the promise of its singular filmmaker, it is still a frustratingly unfocused endeavor.  Concerning a struggling artist's decent into obsession and madness, (which are often times logical bedfellows for physiological horror such as this), Morgan sticks within his comfort zone by making the protagonist a stop motion animator herself, one who has lived in the shadow of her mother's lauded craft.  Aisling Franciosi creates a compelling performance in the lead, but the material that she has to work with seems to hint at something more profound than it ever arrives at.  This may be intentional; to present a surreal, nightmarish landscape where creativity can only truly manifest itself via emotional detachment and physical suffering to the point where the results are more due to a broken psyche than anything tangibly on point.  It has a bizzaro-world flare that rarely lets up, but the style is far more inciting than the narrative.

SISTER DEATH
Dir - Paco Plaza
Overall: GOOD

Pulling off a nifty M. Night Shyamalan maneuver in its final scene, Paco Plaza's Sister Death, (Hermana Muerte), is an ideally spooky nunsploitation movie that benefits from an intriguing, be it conventional supernatural mystery at its core.  Set in 1940s Spain as a newly arrived novice, (who is dubbed the "holy girl" in her youth for allegedly receiving a vision of the Virgin Mary), embarks on her teaching post in a former convent where something otherworldly is clearly afoot, Plaza slowly teases what appears to be your usual crop of arbitrary ghost encounters via nightmares, noises, and poltergeist activity that only occurs when the plot requires something scary to happen.  Thankfully though, the director and frequent Álex de la Iglesia collaborator Jorge Guerricaechevarría's script switches gears abruptly in its last act, (broken up into three chapters here), which reveals some harrowing events via flashback that shed unsettling light on the proceedings.  Aria Bedmar is wonderful in the lead, suffering more than just the usual tests of faith for a cinematic nun and eventually undergoing a transformation that is both satisfying and emotionally ravaged.  There is nothing unique here and Plaza still cannot resist the urge for a predictable jump scare here or there, but its presentation is more sincere than schlocky and all the better for it.

2023 Horror Part Fourteen

KNOCK AT THE CABIN
Dir - M. Knight Shyamalan
Overall: MEH

As the second in a two film partnership between Universal Pictures and his own Blinding Edge Pictures, M. Knight Shyamalan chose to adopt another novel with Knock at the Cabin, his second such work in a row following 2021's laughably aloof Old.  Shyamalan reworked the sought-after script by Steve Desmond and Michael Sherman based off of Paul G. Tremblay's novel The Cabin at the End of the World and while this is a comparatively better offering and thankfully void of many of the writer/director's usual foibles, it is still far from a home-run.  On the plus side, there are no head-scratchingly awful performances or aggressive plot holes.  In fact, Dave Bautista is downright excellent as a mild-mannered yet hulking second grade teacher who takes the thankless lead on a hopelessly persuasive doomsday task.  One of the minor problems is that even though the story focuses on a small number of people, they all seem underwritten which makes it difficult to relate to their decisions.  The movie is not just trying to convince Johnathan Groff and Ben Aldridge's couple to make an impossible choice, it is also trying to convince the audience that they would make that choice and this does not carry enough logical weight to work.  There is a certain level of ambiguity to the material itself that is balanced about as well as could be expected, but it still comes up short in the end.

 

YOU'LL NEVER FIND ME
Dir - Josiah Allen/Indianna Bell
Overall: GREAT

 

After a making a handful of short films, Indianna Bell and Josiah Allen deliver their full-length debut You'll Never Find Me as a successful tweak on familiar psychological tropes.  A movie that is suffocating in atmosphere, Bell's monologue-heavy script seems perfectly unnatural in such an also unnatural and claustrophobic environment.  Set entirely in a dingy trailer where a nameless woman arrives banging on the door to get out of the rain, its occupant is a solemn and humorless oaf who seems to be contemplating his entire existence when he is interrupted.  The first two acts play a riveting back-and-forth game between the two, each of whom seems as suspicious of the other as the viewer is of them.  Maxx Corkindale's cinematography turns the tight location into an endlessly oppressive one and the sound design makes the entire thing come off like our two protagonists are in the bowls of some sinister netherland, even if it is just some old mobile home in need of contemporary appliances and a paint job.  There is such a level of paranoia and dread that by the time that the twist arrives, few audience members will even believe that they are being presented with definitive answers.  Things only venture further into an ambiguous abyss of dark justifications and all-consuming inevitability from there, with Allen and Bell subverting an impressive amount of expectations along the way.

 

MOTHER, MAY I?
Dir - Laurence Vannicelli
Overall: GOOD
 
Writer/director Laurence Vannicelli's second full-length Mother, May I? is an interesting if still murky psychological horror film that gets points for its unique set-up and execution.  The genre pandering is kept to a minimum as Vannicelli takes a slow boil approach to his material.  It is heavy on the atmosphere while utilizing no jump scares, with conventional horror motifs like nightmare sequences and supernaturally suggestive visuals only appearing when necessary.  This turns out to be not very often as it is essentially a character study between a likeable couple who each suffer from deep-seated issues that only envelope their relationship in more dysfunctional ways as things go on.  Both Holland Roden and Kyle Gallner carry the movie almost in its entirety, each taking turns exhibiting closed-off, alarming behavior while the other one pulls their hair out in frustration; something that remains compelling even if it becomes implausible from a logical perspective at regular intervals.  Still, the eerie tone, beautiful cinematography from Craig Harmer, and both actor's commendable performances go a long way, plus enough low-key yet oddball surprises emerge as things progress.

2023 Horror Part Thirteen

EILEEN

Dir - William Oldroyd

Overall: GOOD

 

The sophomore effort from British filmmaker William Oldroyd, Eileen subtly weaves through a series of moods before arriving at a disturbed, black comedy destination that only slams home a likely delusional sense of newfound enlightenment for its title character.  Ottessa Moshfegh and husband Luke Goebel adapt the former's own novel for the screen; a novel that sees a lonely daughter of a retired, drunk, curmudgeon police officer and who is partial to flights of fancy, weaving through an inconsequential existence until circumstances arise that give her a means to escape.  Set at some point during the 1960s where the women's liberation movement was likely not even in its infancy, both Thomasin McKenzie and Anne Hathaway portray characters who are on the outskirts of accepted society; McKenzie's Eileen being more introverted in her independence, (or dreams of independence), while Hathaway' psychologist is more cocksure on the surface yet harboring her own frustrations.  Oldroyd keeps the atmosphere light yet grungy, toying with some of the taboos of the story's era before the plot makes an abrupt shift into the third act.  A couple of "only in screenplay" monologues aside that the actors handle as professionally as can be expected, the performances are delightful, with everyone busting out their best Boston accents and helping to give the material some charm amongst its more disturbing attributes.

LORD OF MISRULE
Dir - William Brent Bell
Overall: WOOF

 

A derivative folk horror outing from schlock-peddler William Brent Bell, Lord of Misrule may try and disguise itself with an earthy and gloom-ridden aesthetic, but it gradually unravels in an increasingly and unintentionally comedic manner.  The fact that Tom de Ville's screenplay pits Christian and pagan faiths against each other is merely one such primary swipe from The Wicker Man, with suspicious acting townsfolk in robes and animal masks, festive rituals that only seem joyous on surface level, endlessly ominous drawings that spell out all of the details in plain site, ancient books that also spell everything out, an ancient deity with antlers, no one on screen who is trustworthy, disturbing alters with twigs and animal parts, old people acting weird while pissing themselves, and innocent people being set on fire while the locals sing joyous hymns.  Added to this is Bell's hackneyed presentation that rarely lets the ominous tribal violin score shut the hell up, has scratchy noises signaling the scary jolts, and a rustic color pallet that gives it zero distinguishing visual characteristics from every other folky nightmare out there.  Granted Bell is hardly going for originality here and instead a type of post The Witch/Midsommar comfort food, but when the protagonist is the dumbest person in the room and the entire plot proves to be pointless upon its conclusion, there is nothing left to recommend besides Ralph Ineson's reliable, ground-rumbling baritone.

IMMERSION

Dir - Takashi Shimizu

Overall: MEH

 

Similar to the work of his J-horror contemporary Hideo Nakata, Takashi Shimizu melds vengeful spirits with modern technology in Immersion, this time exploring a virtual reality landscape that gets inhabited by a long black-haired ghost that is doomed to inflict her wrath on anyone within striking distance.  In keeping with Shimizu's later efforts, the final product overstays its welcome and could use a more streamlined approach to shave off about twenty-odd minutes from the run time, taking on multiple side plots that muddle up the "be careful what tech you wish for" through-line that is being worked out.  Thankfully though, the director's ability to maintain a melancholic and foreboding tone is as strong as ever, even if the chosen story fails to find any refreshing byways to differentiate it from others that pit young characters up against supernatural, folkloric forces.  The tradition musical score never becomes overbearing and the lush scenery of the island location is well-shot, evoking an isolated ghost land both within and outside of its digital avatar version.  It loses its way during the third act with an unnecessary and drawn-out second ending, but it is still well-made if not revolutionary.

2023 Horror Part Twelve

SALTBURN
Dir - Emerald Fennell
Overall: GREAT

 

An even more twisted cousin to Bong Joon-ho's South Korean, 2019, upper class take-over dark comedy Parasite, Saltburn finds ideal footing in the U.K. where traditional, separatist systems have persistently been in place to ensure that those of non-noble birth are kept at a distance from the table of the exorbitantly wealthy who have maintained that wealth thorough no accomplishments of their own.  Here lies the crust to Emerald Fennell's sophomore effort, which is a more ambitious work than her debut Promising Young Woman; yet another revenge film with gnarled and enjoyable results.  The trick that Fennell pulls off here is more nuanced and drawn-out, though the finale comes off as an uncorking of an inevitable bottle as opposed to a jaw-dropping twist.  As the anti-hero Oxford scholarship student with something up his sleeve, thirty-one year Barry Keoghan is obviously over a decade too old, but somehow this never becomes distracting or relevant since his small stature, celebrity physique, and naturally aloof charm rings perfectly as he pulls a spell over both the audience and the family, (or at least some of them), that he has set his eyes on.  Pathetic and manipulative all at once, Keoghan is one of several mesmerizing aspects to the film, all of which are used with stylized whimsy by Fennell who turns the country house of the title and its occupants into a coveted wonderland that only a prodigy child who "really does notice everything" would be able to divide and conquer.

 

IN ITS WAKE

Dir - Lee Foster

Overall: WOOF

 

For his second full-length In Its Wake, indie filmmaker Lee Foster fuses a throwback synth score with an uninteresting story, obnoxious characters, inane dialog, and several lousy performances.  A low-budget Canadian production set in the midst of winter even though we cannot see any of the actor's breath outside and few if any of them bother to even act cold, things get off to a rocky start with Elvis Stojko's punchable preacher delivering a long-winded sermon that merely suggests of what the rest of his biblical ramblings are going to be like.  Stojko is either nailing his overwhelmingly pretentious character or ruining him with his wide-eyed, wooden, and blabbering mannerisms yet in either event, the movie suffers detrimentally when he is on screen.  Elsewhere, completely unlikable assholes argue with each other within their own "friends" groups let alone when they run into strangers who they immediately pick fights with, both parties cars run out of gas at the same time, we see some boobs, a whole lot more arguing happens, and then an evil baboon thing shows up well into the third act.  The film is competently shot by cinematographer Bryan Piggott and co-screenwriter Ryan Kobold's music sets a fun, eerie tone, but it all ends up being an awkard, snore-inducing mess with no one on screen to tolerate.

LOOP TRACK

Dir - Thomas Sainsbury

Overall: GOOD

While it fails to tighten up all of its loose ends, Thomas Sainsbury's Loop Track still proves to be a successful pairing of nature and psychological horror.  A New Zealand hike gone awry, Sainsbury plays the lead roll on top of writing, directing, and producing; this marking a sharp enough contrast from his otherwise strictly comedic works as a standup, playwright, and social media personality.  We are given a less than agreeable amount of backstory concerning Sainsbury's persistently downtrodden character who seems to be fleeing his family life for some reason, all in order to spend time in isolation.  Whether this is for repentance, self-examination, a mental recharge, or all of the above is not made clear, but his trek is quickly interrupted by a good-natured yet annoying fellow hiker who insists that they tag-along with each other, only to run into even more unassuming people while a gradual danger seems to be lurking in the bushes, just out of definite site.  It plays the common game of utilizing the protagonist's already-established emotional turmoil as a means for both the audience and other characters to not take his paranoia seriously until it is too late, but the final act is both alarming and intense, which is further heightened by some excellent practical effects.

2023 Horror Part Eleven

THANKSGIVING
Dir - Eli Roth
Overall: MEH

 

Sixteen years in the making, but Eli Roth finally unleashed his full-length Thanksgiving after dropping the hilarious faux-trailer in Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's Grindhouse double feature.  Bailing on the throwback vibe of the aforementioned trailer, Rodriguez' Machete, and Jason Eisner's Hobo with a Shotgun, Roth delivers a contemporary-set, formulaic slasher outing that is comparatively more in line with your Terrorizers or the late 90s abysmal teen horror boom than anything adhering to 70s exploitation.  Hinging on an over-the-top Black Friday fiasco gone deadly, the plot gets cooking in an appropriately campy manner, even if most of the actors take the proceedings more seriously than they deserve.  Though Roth's penchant for snarky humor that is either intentionally or unintentionally cringe-adjacent is as on point as ever, the practical, nauseating gore effects and kill scenes are delightfully ridiculous and worthy of some laugh-out-loud gasps.  Elsewhere though, this is painfully generic stuff that will hardly convert those who have long tuned-out slasher movies, holiday-themed or otherwise.  Its point seems to be in delighting the already converted though so in that respect, it gets the job done.

THE PORTRAIT
Dir - Simon Ross
Overall: MEH

 

Spearheaded by an emotionally exhaustive performance from Natalia Cordova-Buckley, director Simon Ross' full-length debut The Portrait plays a bog-standard psychological horror game that affords few surprises.  Scripted by producer David Griffiths, the artwork of the title is a self-portrait of Ryan Kwanten's odious ancestor who was a sadistic scholar and according to his wife Buckley, looks exactly like him.  There is plenty going on here as Buckley is wrought with guilt after having inadvertently caused her husband's permanent brain damage due to a domestic quarrel, rendering him mute and unpredictably violent, which is not helped by the unassuming painting in the attic that casts a sinister aura over a wave of frustrated trauma that is thick enough that it could be cut with a knife.  There is little doubt that the quasi-supernatural elements, (which are underplayed to begin with), are not entirely in the troubled psyche of our protagonist, which makes this more of a melancholy affair than anything since we are likely just witnessing the impassioned breakdown of a woman who only wants to make amends in a desperate attempt at a miracle that will ease her own grief.  It fails to challenge the tropes that have long been laid-out by similar stories, but Ross maintains a sorrowful tone which makes Buckley's commitment that much more powerful.

APORIA
Dir - Jared Moshe
Overall: GOOD

 

An unassuming sci-fi drama that removes all of the aesthetic spectacle from the genre, Jared Moshe's third feature Aporia instead has a simple, emotional residence concerning the conundrum of undoing the past in order to negate traumatic episodes in our lives.  The pseudo-science details are wisely left vague, since dedicating more screen time to a plausible time travel explanation would have pushed things into unintentionally goofy terrain, not to mention the fact that Moshe's script is about its characters and not its tech.  Judy Greer, Edi Gathegi, and Payman Maadi are all wonderful in their respective performances as a husband/wife duo and their colleague who undergo a series of universe-altering experiments after each one proves successful.  Once things get going, none of their behavior is motivated by selfish impulses as the weight of their actions are persistently debated and mused over until they can justify removing a troublesome life in order to benefit many others.  It is a common quagmire for science fiction works to tackle, yet it is also thankfully one that is ideally suited to explore the type of deep-seated grief that comes with fate's cruel gut-punches.