2000's American Horror Part One

BELOW
(2002)
Dir - David Twohy
Overall: MEH

Co-penned by none other than Darren Aronofsky and directed by David Twohy who handled the Riddick trilogy amongst many other popcorn sci-fi action films, Below is kind of a mess with the potential not to be.  For one, the film's B-movie style presentation, (including very sub-par CGI, Dutch angles, dramatic slow motion shots, and schlocky acting), makes it impossible to take anything as seriously as intended.  That is when Zach Galifianakis is not doing what he seems incapable of not doing, meaning being a goofy weirdo for almost every opportunity he has to deliver his lines.  Everywhere else though, it is deadpan business.  The script is very busy with a confusing mystery and questionably resolved reveal as well as underwritten characters that further befuddle things.  There are also far too many boo scares of course but complaining about them is practically a given for modern day horror movies.  The premise of a haunted submarine would appear to be ideal in a better, overall setting and yes there is certainly nothing terrible going on in Below, but also nothing memorable enough to endorse it.

 

THE GRAVEDANCERS

(2006)
Dir - Mike Mendez
Overall:  WOOF

Yikes.  There are two things that make Mike Mendez' abomination The Gravedancers worse than it otherwise would have been.  A criminally inexplicable 100% on Rotten Tomatoes for one thing acts as a sure fire warning to never trust anything with only seven reviews tallied.  In addition to that though, things go along rather generically while not necessarily horribly here for a good long while, pretty much the whole first and second acts.  It is played conventionally with your standard jump scares and grey depressing filters and what not.  For who knows why though, the finale takes a dive into almost Loony Tunes territory.  If the whole film would have established the comedic, popcorn horror vibe to its fullest, then this could have been just a dumb exertion in camp, but the tone change just spirals and ping-pongs into absurdity.  An extra and detrimental faux pas is that Marcus Thomas delivers one of the worst performances anyone could contemplate.  Imagine if Keanu Reeves was a hundred times shittier at emoting than people used to think he was at his worst and you get an idea.

I CAN SEE YOU

(2008)

Dir - Graham Reznick

Overall:  MEH

 

The full-length debut I Can See You from writer/director Graham Reznick is a very confused bit of filmaking.  One or two frames in and it is clear that we are not dealing with high-end equipment here as it bizarrely looks as awful as most SOV horror films from two decades prior did.  The special effects likewise do not come off far beyond student film level from over two decades prior.  One can look past sub-par technical aspects of course and the Lynchian-esque style that Reznick is very obviously going for is if anything else, admirable.  There is no closure to be found since literally every door in the plot department is left abandoned and wide open, but ambition alone does not make for an overall splendid viewing experience.  In this regard, I Can See You falls apart, blunderingly so by the time the credits roll.  After an hour long build-up of some annoying characters fucking about in the woods, terrible looking, “weird for the sake of weird” nonsense is really all we get.