(1990)
Dir - James Bond III
Overall: GOOD
In his to date only directorial effort, writer/actor James Bond III's Def by Temptation was distributed by Troma of all companies, but it bares little to no resemblance to the infamous studio's work besides the unmistakable lack of budget and mistake-ridden acting. It is an ambitious film, but not in any kind of shock-value way. Instead, it is more so in its hefty plot involving an aspiring preacher who literally gets tempted by evil and has to live up to his family legacy. Or something like that. The movie bounces between silliness involving dudes in bars using terrible pick up lines and Kadeem Hardison, (I'm Gonna Git You Sucka), busting James Bond III's character's balls about being a fish out of water country boy in New York. It does not hold back when it goes full horror though. There are a number of moments that do not particularly make sense, (like how a TV set comes to life and eats someone), but Bond plays with conventional vampire tropes intriguingly enough and always comes back to his more sincere, religious themes to try and elevate the movie above mere blaxploitation trash. It is hit or miss though in this regard as the acting and editing have a student movie vibe for sure, though it is mostly a fun balancing act that clearly comes off as a labor of love and interesting if admittingly flawed.
(1993)
Dir - David Fincher
Overall: MEH
Lingering in development hell for a handful of years with a laundry list of screenwriters on board at various times to get it to a satisfactory level, Alien 3 still ends up being the first botched entry into the franchise. Set on an isolated space prison, the script allows for violent men to scream the word "fuck" at each other ad nauseam. Yet it also allows them to have meetings about "what's the plan?" every twenty or so minutes while the alien picks them all off slowly and predictably. Sigourney Weaver is there once again, but for the first time she is simply going through the motions as Ripley since it is the same old "how are we gonna kill this thing?" scenario once more. Sure this time the characters are left unarmed and defenseless, but it is still a formulaic ordeal and the added ingredient of angry speeches by the inmates and a plot that takes too long to get going simply drags down the entire presentation. The CGI is incredibly poor and worse yet completely pointless as the guy in an alien suite still looks fantastic and accomplished everything it needed to in the previous installments. So why make him an embarrassing cartoon for a handful of shots now? David Fincher in his full-length debut tries as he might to make it all intense and heart-racing, but Alien 3 ultimately just ends up proving further how incredibly great the first two movies were in comparison.
(1997)
Dir - Frank Grow
Overall: WOOF
Besides also directing a documentary about Jewel of all random people, filmmaker Frank Grow's sole effort Love God is the type of absurd disaster that is so obnoxiously pretentious that it becomes impossible to immerse yourself in even on a minimal, car wreck curiosity level. Things are annoying from the very first shot and an "Oh no, is this what the movie is gonna be like?" panic immediately sets in. Edited at a parody-esque, MTV frantic pace and relying almost entirely on uncomfortable closeups, the movie also has one of the most incomprehensible scripts you could ever imagine. There is a large, black man in drag, a blue woman who thinks she is the Hindu goddess Kali, a horny nurse, a crazy horny Asian doctor, a guy who is compelled both to make sculptures out of chewing cum in addition to reading things and then destroying whatever paper they are on, a guy who acts like a ten year old's version of a crazy person who pauses to squeak when he talks, a homely girl who does not talk but also cannot stop grabbing and kissing people, and then a bunch of rubber monster demons show up. The film's on screen text is also read really fast out loud for the entire movie which grows as irritating as you would think. It may be something that would be fun to watch while on drugs, bit it is also just relentlessly and tediously stupid, lacking all self-awareness to be intentional in its results.
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