80's Spanish Horror Part Two - (Juan Piquer Simón Edition)

PIECES
(1982)
Overall: MEH

An infamous Spanish/American slasher film if ever there was one, Pieces, (Mil gritos tiene la noche, The Night Has 1,000 Screams), has endured as one of the sub-genre's most ridiculous entries.  As enormously dumb and terrible as it rightfully is, there are moments scattered about that redeem it as something for garbage enthusiasts to admire.  Deliberately produced to cash in on the slasher boom, it was filmed in Spain, set in Boston, and features a cast made up of actors on both sides of the Atlantic who have all of their embarrassing dialog post-dubbed anyway.  Also typical of such lame-brained giallo offerings is the dedication to police detectives talking to each other and an unseen, chainsaw-wielding maniac tediously stalking women while in no hurry whatsoever.  The over-the-top kill scenes are as preposterously clumsy as the performances are hilariously, (also), over-the-top, so thankfully their mugging, dubbed voices, and inane dialog punch up even the most boring exposition scenes.  Too formulaic in its approach and only occasionally deserving of its laugh-at-it reputation, there is still enough gutter-trash on display to warrant it as being worthy of any "bad movie night".

EXTRA TERRESTRIAL VISITORS

(1983)
Overall: WOOF

Famously lampooned on season three of Mystery Science Theater 3000, (as it should be), Extra Terrestrial Visitors, (Los nuevos extraterrestres, The New Extraterrestrials, Pod People, The Unearthling), is a tonal disaster hybrid of cutesy E.T. knock-off and bog-standard aliens vs. rednecks romp.  Its finished, misguided form was allegedly due to producers insisting on script alterations to cash-in on Steven Spielberg's mega blockbuster kids movie; script alterations to a film that was originally conceived as a violent, science fiction slasher. With both clashing ideas attempted and given ample enough screen time together, the results are as messy as one would expect.  The little kid is obnoxious, there is a horrendously terrible new wave rock band, a bunch of hunters bitch, complain, and shoot anything they see, the hairy/snouted aliens look ridiculous, and it is all paced in the most dreadfully listless of manners.  Thankfully, director Juan Piquer Simón manages to pull off some of his patented, unintentional humor which mostly stems from the inane dialog, atrocious dubbing, Americanized product placement, and those sickeningly unlistenable songs.  An embarrassing work for all parties involved, it should be approached with the utmost degree of caution.

 

SLUGS

(1988)

Overall: MEH

 

If anyone was ever curious as to what James Gunn's Slither would be like if the guy who made Pieces took a crack at the material, Slugs, (Slugs: The Movie, Slugs, Muerte Viscosa), hilariously answers that question.  A Spanish/American co-production shot on the English-speaking side of the Atlantic with a largely US cast, co-writer/director Juan Piquer Simón's penchant for extreme, squishy gore and awkwardly ridiculous dialog is thankfully in full sway.  As one could guess, the story is the exact same kind that has been done in nature horror several dozens of times before where a town gets bombarded by an unnatural menace, the higher-ups in charge do not take the threat seriously until it is too late, and at least one elderly couple falls victims to the title-monster.  In this case, the slimy, black mollusks gang together by the thousands, infiltrating the sewage systems and spewing from people's faces once they have devoured them from the inside out.  Easily the two best death sequences involve a douchebag businessman in a restaurant and an adulterous couple in bed, but just as much fun can be had from the goofy, wooden actors who seem perfectly in on the joke.  Things drag at regular intervals and it does not get funny enough either knowingly or unknowingly to qualify it as a Euro-horror-comedy classic, but it does still scratch some trashy itches alright.