(1971)
Dir - Robert Wise
Overall: MEH
The first cinematic adaptation of a Michael Crichton novel in The Andromeda Strain throws in some flashy shot constructions, special effects, and editing tricks, though none of this can properly distract from its lackadaisical pacing. Similar in look and feel to other science fiction thrillers from the 1970s such as Logan's Run or Soylent Green, the setting of a high-tech, underground research facility is interesting at first as a group of hot shot scientists get recruited and undergo a series of elaborate protocol to avoid further contamination. After this though, things grind to an irreversible slog as the generally more-than-competent director Robert Wise chose to create a low-key tone to gradually rank up the tension, minus the tension part. By the time that the situation finally reaches a ticking clock climax, (which does not occur until the last couple of minutes BTW), it is likely that the audience has lost both interest and comprehensibility in what is even going on. The dated visuals are fun and the lack of movie stars in the cast give in an aura of authenticity that is appreciated, but the over two-hour running time definitely feels its length and it all becomes a highly forgettable, viral outbreak movie with a whole lot of standing around and talking in place of exciting stakes being grippingly established.
LOVE ME DEADLY(1972)
Dir - Jacques Lacerte
Overall: MEH
The only film ever made by co-writer/director Jacques Lacerte, (which is probably a good thing),
Love Me Deadly
is disorienting sexploitation of the oddly perverse variety. Disturbing on paper, the premise of a deeply disturbed heiress who goes
to funerals to make out with corpses because she is obsessed with her
dead father, (and then also runs into a necrophiliac cult that persists
on initiating her), is more icky than frightening. The movie does not
shy away from its subject matter as we see plenty of nudity, murder,
dead bodies, and even a gay prostitute being injected with formaldehyde
while still alive and screaming. Structurally though, this is a bizarre
beast. One of the film's producers later went on record as excusing
the numerous, music-heavy montage sequences as being in place to cover up lousy
dialog, yet this means that the movie's theme song and other generally flowery
music is frequently interjected around the unwholesome sequences. It
gives the whole thing an accidentally goofy tone, but for those that can
stomach the cheap production qualities and uncomfortable sleaze, it
maybe be worth laughing at so long as you do not mind taking a shower afterwards.
(1979)
Dir - Wayne Berwick
Overall: WOOF
Possibly the most groan-inducing "comedy" ever made, Wayne Berwick's wretched debut
Microwave Massacre seems
as if it was written by aliens whose only exposure to the English
language was a book of sexual innuendos and puns. Screenwriter Thomas Singer is the actual culprit, a man whose only other cinematic credit of any kind was co-authoring the
same year's exploitation film
Malibu High. Embarrassingly
lame-brained in the jokes department, the premise here is nearly as dumb as the dialog where a dumpy
construction worker does not care for his dumpy wife's cooking so he
kills her while drunk, then forgets he did it, then finds her body in an
industrial-sized microwave, and then just figures why not start killing and
eating prostitutes on the regular.
Frosty the Snowman himself
Jackie Vernon plays said ridiculous individual, spending the entire
movie not emoting while talking to either himself or people who do not
seem to be processing a single word that he says. Berwick has all of
the directorial prowess of Bill Rebane, shooting almost the entire thing
in brightly lit rooms and creating an anti-tone that is completely
dead-pan and stale from beginning to end. The only saving grace is that
it is only seventy-six minutes long and can easily be played/ignored in the
background while watching a far better movie at the same time.
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