2011 Horror Part Seven

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN

Dir - Lynne Ramsay

Overall: MEH

 

Lynne Ramsay's adaptation of Lionel Shriver's novel We Need to Talk About Kevin is a relentless nightmare that both works and is unsuccessful due to its overbearingness.  The one-hundred and twelve minute running time feels its length, but not because the film forgoes a linear narrative and painstakingly unveils its layers.  As far as structure goes, Ramsay exhibits a level of taut control that bombards us with highly concerning moments while deliberately dishing out their inevitably horrific outcome.  Tilda Swinton is her usual outstanding self, playing a woman who has made to feel that her entire motherhood is nothing more than the universe taking itself out on her and making her feel that she is the least sane person in it.  As her plight becomes more and more hopeless, Swinton becomes more and more numb as well as frustratingly empathetic.  Speaking of frustrating, that is where the movie ultimately falls apart as its subject matter is highly unpleasant to watch.  Any story is fighting an uphill battle to be relatable where a child is allowed to behave so appallingly as to set off incessant red flags while one of their parents thinks nothing is remotely amiss.  This may be the point to show the danger in such a dysfunctional family dynamic, but said danger is all too obvious and annoyingly disregarded for the audience to really stay with.

 

SUPER 8

Dir - J.J. Abrams

Overall: MEH

In between his two Star Trek reboots, J.J. Abrams got a chance to blatantly channel his inner Stephen Spielberg, (who also produces here, so the admiration seems to have been greenlit from the source), with Super 8.  Drenched in the type of nostalgia that has run rampant with horror throwbacks in a post Stranger Things cinematic landscape, Abrams' work here will unmistakably get compared to Close Encounters of the Third Kind, E.T., and The Goonies to name simply the most obvious ones.  Throw in lens fairs in nearly every frame, unnaturally smooth, cartoony CGI, and jump scares interrupting all moments that stop to breath and those are basically the only new things Abrams offers up to distract you from how much the movie is trying to beat you over the head with fond feelings of the good ole days of child-centric, mega blockbusters.  On the plus side, the performances from predominantly unknown child actors and no A-list major ones are universally solid and when it comes to compelling character arcs, at least the humans present are plenty well-written enough to care about.  The same cannot be said for the main alien monster though whose entire backstory and arc are resolved in a poorly rushed fashion.

GRAVE ENCOUNTERS

Dir - Colin Minihan/Stuart Oritz

Overall: MEH

Jumping on the found footage bandwagon for their debut Grave Encounters, the Vicious Brothers Colin Minihan and Stuart Oritz exhibit a level of unoriginality that borders on sheer plagiarism.  The idea here is not all together bad, though it is proven to be a monumentally difficult one to pull off.  The first act is an adequately amusing Ghost Adventures parody, equipped with their own version of the walking paranormal bro cartoon character Zak Bagans, here called Lance Rogerson.  There is also a pretentious psychic, a pretty, female "occult specialist" and a black cameraman who provides nearly all of the "Dude fuck this shit" comic relief.  Such things only scratch the surface as far as cliches though.  The location is a closed down mental hospital with its own physics-defying, labyrinth-like layout, supernatural entities merely toy with people for no logical reason and take their sweet time in doing so, every idea anyone suggests does not work exactly as the viewer can predict, there is screaming, bloody CGI ghost faces, said ghosts stand in corners, a laundry list of obvious foreshadowing is utilized, jump scares are every-which-a-way, sadistic surgeons perform experiments, and while we are at it, an occult alter makes an appearance too.  You could probably construct a boring and trite comedy at least out of what is here, but sadly they abandoned the comedy part early on so all that you are left with is the boring and trite part.

2000s Anime Horror

BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPIRE

(2000)

Dir - Hiroyuki Kitakubo

Overall: MEH

 

Spawning manga sequels, a video game, three light novel adaptations, and two separate anime series in alternate timelines, the initial Blood: The Last Vampire is oddly uncompelling for something with such a rich franchise following in its wake.  Hiroyuki Kitakubo's direction is effectively stylish at times, creating artful transitions and maintaining a flowing enough pace, all things considered.  It is more the story itself that does not gain any interesting footing or follow through enough with the elements it offers up.  Acting more like a teaser than anything, the forty-eight minute length is ill-suited considering how little is done with it.  We are introduced to a mysterious, demon-hunting society and given a brief glimpse into but one of their missions before a character that was barely established takes over as narrator and the credits role just as quickly as we got in.  As the set pieces are nothing more than a brooding, enigmatic young woman being highly proficient with a katana against generic monsters and schoolgirls sporting sharp teeth, it is hardly offering up any wheel-inventing concepts.  Its fine, just barely warranting the deeper dive it was inevitably given.

VAMPIRE HUNTER D: BLOODLUST

(2000)

Dir - Yoshiaki Kawajiri

Overall: GOOD

Fifteen years later, a sequel was finally unveiled for 1985's rather landmark anime Vampire Hunter D in the form of Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust.  Based off of the third novel Demon Deathchase in Hideyuki Kikuchi's series for the character with a new creative team including director Yoshiaki Kawajiri, (Wicked City, Ninja Scroll), the story pits D not only against a more benevolent, vampiric foe, but also his bodyguards which include a werewolf with a mouth in his chest, a shapeshifter, and a shadow sorcerer.  On top of even that, a competing group of mercenaries with their own superhuman skills are after the same prize and it all ends up going down in a haunted castle so elaborately mammoth that it can only result in lifelong wet dreams for any Gothic undead fan.  The design work is exceptional here and the settings and numerous battle sequences are consistently inventive and beautifully done.  While most of the characters are present to merely showcase their individual quirks, the main ones are given plenty of backstory to raise the stakes and make for a more compelling ordeal than just a bunch of gory, over the top monster throw-downs.

KING OF THORN

(2009)

Dir - Kazuyoshi Katayama

Overall: MEH

 

An adaptation of Yūji Iwahara's manga series of the same name, the full-length, anime film King of Thorn, (Ibara no Ou), takes considerable narrative liberties with the plotline, including a different ending amongst other things.  Directed and co-written by Kazuyoshi Katayama, it carries quite an ambitious arc and is exquisitely animated and designed.  After an intriguing set up, the second act is straight-forward and ultimately the most rewarding as a group of survivors try to simultaneously outrun and make sense of their dangerous, thorn and monster infested surroundings, with more layers being pulled back as to each of their purposes in some kind of post apocalyptic, virus-infected conspiracy.  Sadly, the last section of the movie spirals into mind-melting extravagance and becomes annoyingly impenetrable.  Characters keep hallucinating, re-living flashbacks, or not doing either for all the viewer can decipher.  It rapidly bounces between such topsy-turvy situations with incessant expository dialog dumps that only make things more ill-defined.  In a more surreal context, this could have been rewarding instead of merely looking quite fantastic yet also being hopelessly challenging. 

2000s Asian Horror Part Nine

DUMPLINGS

(2004)

Dir - Fruit Chan

Overall: MEH

 

Released the same year as the anthology outing Three... Extremes, Dumplings, (Jiǎozi, Gaau2zi2), is a mere full-length expansion of the short segment baring its name from the other film.  It differs naturally from its more condensed version by adding subplots which expand upon the arcs and backstories of certain characters.  The ending is also different and may or may not be preferable to the already acceptably macabre one from Three... Extremes.  While it retains the same level of uncomfortable creepiness, it is a bit of a shame that things do not quite come together in a more satisfying way.  The extended story elements do not really add anything too interesting overall as no darkly compelling lore is brought into the proceedings to make the outcome any more engaging than it already was in its shortened form.  The finish here is more disappointingly open-ended than ambiguous as well.  Though it has an extra hour or so to play with its material, it does not particularly do so to any more rewarding of an end.

SHUTTER

(2004)

Dir - Banjong Pisanthanakun/Parkpoom Wongpoom

Overall: MEH

 

Remade three different times in as many countries, Banjong Pisanthanakun and Parkpoom Wongpoom's Shutter, (Chattoe: Kot Tit Winyan), is a typical J-horror entry even though it is technically from Thailand.  Typical in the fact that ghosts once again inhabit technology; cameras in this case where vengeful spirits show up as blurry images or blink and you will miss them faces buried behind other people.  It is atmospheric in parts and gives its story plenty of time to unveil its layers.  There is a hefty reliance on genre cliches though, too many to make the film stand out from the hordes of similar movies out there.  A female spectre in a schoolgirls uniform with blood pouring from her whited-out eyes with a weird mother living out in the boonies, characters witnessing spooky things and not mentioning them to anyone, an expert on the supernatural showing up to drop some expository dialog, nightmare sequences, obligatory plot twists, and the standard amount of jump scares are all present amongst other such tropes.  It might not be all that clever or unique, but it is adequately well made in a pedestrian fashion at least.

 

13 BELOVED

(2006)

Dir - Chookiat Sakveerakul

Overall: MEH

The ambitious, enormously dark comedy 13 Beloved, (13 Game Sayong), is the sophomore effort from Thai filmmaker Chookiate Sakveerakul, here credited as Matthew Chukiat Sakwirakul.  A bit of Twilight Zone meets Saw meets Falling Down, the movie is an adaptation of the "13 Quiz Show" episode of the My Mania graphic novel by Eakasit Thairaat.  It is also clearly a commentary on reality TV, sadistic voyeurism, and horrific human capabilities brought on by desperation and a severely mangled childhood.  The premise is successfully unnerving and Sakveerakul makes it through the entire, exhausting ordeal without losing any momentum.  One or two of the set pieces are too gruesome or nauseating to enjoy, which regrettably pushes the movie into torture porn terrain even while it is doing so in a somewhat sly and amusing fashion.  It is not until the final act that the tone shifts more noticeably, dropping the comedic angle and going for something quite grim and serious.  Sadly, the conclusion does not really live up to the nerve-wracking build as it comes off more pretentious than profound.  The movie has a handful of interesting moments and even some genuinely funny ones, but it is also too unpleasant and unfocused to result in anything close enough to satisfying.

2000s American Horror Part Eleven

FRAILTY
(2001)
Dir - Bill Paxton
Overall: MEH

The first of two directorial efforts from Bill Paxton, (and his first time behind the lens since Barnes & Barnes' "Fish Heads" music video, arguably the weirdest ever made outside of whatever the hell Cecelia Condit's Possibly in Michigan is), Frailty is conventionally structured yet still disturbing enough to work throughout parts of it.  Mathew McConaughey gets his obligatory shirtless scene out of the way early on and then provides the role of solemn expository dialog man while Paxton, Powers Boothe, and child actors Matt O'Leary and Jeremy Sumpter play things just as straight.  Behind the lens, Paxton creates a consistent, serious tone, which is impressive considering that the subject matter approaches being too implausible for the viewer to become invested in.  That said, it is a bit too clean and pedestrian looking and the atmosphere never rises above that of an adequately made if not all too frightening TV movie.  Also, a handful of plot twists within the final fifteen or so minutes come off a bit forced.  It is fine work for what it is, but does not take enough exciting chances with the material, at least not enough successfully exciting ones.

MAN WITH THE SCREAMING BRAIN
(2005)
Dir - Bruce Campbell
Overall: GOOD
 
Charm goes a long way in Bruce Campbell's non-documentary, full-length debut Man with the Screaming Brain; a Roger Corman B-movie parody that is purposely stupid and would only be half as watchable without its writer/director/star's involvement.  Initially distributed by Syfy and shot in Bulgaria to save on what are clearly already minuscule production costs, it takes full advantage of the setting with Stacy Keach and Ted Raimi rocking Russian accents and a plot line that involves Campbell's American businessman literally sharing a brain with a local taxi driver after both are murdered by a jealous gypsy.  Mayhem ensues of course with a handful of other ridiculous side-arcs that are happening simultaneously, none of which are taken seriously by anyone on board.  This is a plus as the cast sells a series of gags that are groan-worthy on paper, yet Campbell's long career in campy genre fare makes him a logical person to be calling the shots here, even if he has an awkward sense of staging at times.  It would no doubt lose its dopey camp appeal if it was a slicker production, so the crude makeup effects, set design, and clumsy execution is not only enduring, but also essential to such a throwback that is in on its own joke.

TEETH
(2007)
Dir - Mitchell Lichtenstein
Overall: GOOD

This amusing full-length debut from Mitchell Lichtenstein rides a razor-thin line, approaching its sensitive subject matter from a multitude of angles.  It can technically be seen as a dark comedy and it both gets very dark and very comedic at various intervals.  As a film dealing with teenage sexuality and the vagina dentata folk tale while poking fun at stereotypes associated with Bible-quoting abstinence groups, metalhead rejects, horny high schoolers, and middle class suburbia, it has a lot on its plate to work with.  The tone is occasionally awkward, but this is not necessarily unfitting as many of the plot points are just as uncomfortable.  Lichtenstein goes for laughs when he can, using the story's inherent absurdity as well as some very graphic set pieces to provide gross-out chuckles while in effect contrast other far more harrowing events that take place.  In the lead, Jess Weixler carries the bulk of the film's complex weight and she is routinely fantastic on screen with such a burden.  While the story does not adhere to logic per se, things make a whole lot more sense if looked at from a fairytale perspective and the some of its conflicting parts uniquely fit into each other.

2000s American Horror Part Ten

FINAL DESTINATION

(2000)

Dir - James Wong

Overall: MEH

 

No better and no worse than any of the umpteenth teenager-popcorn-crowd-targeted horror films that regularly drop every year is The X Files alumni James Wong's directorial debut Final Destination.  Initially penned by screenwriter Jeffrey Riddick as a spec script for potential X Files use, one could argue if it would have suited a more condensed television format better than launching a five-deep franchise.  With a cast comprised of almost exclusively clean, attractive, made-up young Caucasian actors, everyone gets a chance to deliver laughable dialog in an idiotic attempt to make the proceedings seem more profound.  It is this straight-faced tone that works profoundly to the movie's disadvantage.  As the real hook is in seeing characters succumb to their ridiculously elaborate demise, how serious the moronic plot and "logic" is taken cannot help but to become unintentionally embarrassing.  If the entire film played up the schlock instead of trying to balance it with a multitude of sincere monologues about Death's plan set to sorrowful music, then it would have been more fun than annoying.

 

THE LAST WINTER

(2006)

Dir - Larry Fessenden

Overall: MEH

Regular B-movie horror mainstay Larry Fessenden offers up another directorial effort with The Last Winter, a sort of psychological version of John Carpenter's The Thing if it had an environmental angle woven into it as well.  Written by Fessenden and Robert Leaver, it plays far less on conventional horror tropes than it does on character dynamics, only unveiling its genre-centric makings in sparing doses and well into the film.  While this and some solid performances effectively make the plight of the people in the story properly engaging, things unfortunately come to a muddled, ill-focused conclusion.  It is unclear what questions are being asked or even what issues are on the table.  On top of that, the supernatural components are perplexing and vague, giving it a very rushed feel in the final act.  Forgiving some minor CGI blunders, the production is professionally up to par though, marking an improvement over Fessenden's previous two excursions behind the lens in Wendigo and Habit which at least looked a bit on the amateurish side.  

THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN

(2008)

Dir - Ryuhei Kitamura

Overall: WOOF

 

Clive Barker's second production credit through he and Jorge Saralegui's Midnight Picture Show company, The Midnight Meat Train is a wildly poor-scripted mess.  An adaptation of Barker's own story of the same name by Japanese filmmaker Ryuhei Kitamura and written by Jeff Buhler, it is not altogether terrible throughout the first two acts outside of some downright laughable CGI effects which remain glaringly distracting throughout the entire film.  Not as glaringly distracting as the astronomical plot holes and moronic character behavior that take center stage once the movie is revving up to its nonsensical finish line.  Dracula Dead and Loving It amounts of blood spew out of bodies, levels of bodily harm are inflicted that could not possibly be survived yet are, characters get from point A to B as if scenes are missing or they completely forgot what just happened to them, and Bradley Cooper and Leslie Bibb make the poorest, most illogical choices that could possibly be made for people in their situation.  All would be a hoot if not for the fact that everyone involved seems absolutely oblivious to the level of schlock going off the rails and by playing it straight, the end result could not be more embarrassing.

2000s American Horror Part Nine

SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE

(2000)

Dir - E. Elias Merhige

Overall: MEH

 

While certainly entertaining in parts, E. Elias Merhige's Shadow of the Vampire is more curious than anything.  Co-produced by Nicolas Cage for his Saturn Films company and written by Steven Katz, it is never quite clear what the true motive behind the movie is which can be seen as either a detriment or part of the charm.  As a film about a film, it offers up a compelling look into the silent era, particularly German Expressionism and the obsessiveness and pretentiousness of movie-making in general.  Choosing one of the most lauded works of its time period in F.W. Murnau's Nosferatu to look at, the behind the scenes dramatizations are legitimately intriguing.  It is when things step outside of this into its own horror movie terrain that it falls apart or at the very least becomes puzzling and mildly uncomfortable because of it.  Willem Dafoe's eccentric performance as Max Schreck via an actual member of the undead is wonderfully fun, but the story never seems to find a strong enough footing for his place or even purpose in being such a thing in the presented context.  If it was a bit more penetrable, then the humor could have connected more effortlessly instead of challengingly.

SLITHER
(2006)
Dir - James Gunn
Overall: GOOD

 

Troma alumni James Gunn with his full-length writer/director debut Slither chose to throwback to the good ole "alien menace takes over a small town" days.  While it is purposely similar to known, cult-followed works such as The Blob, Night of the Creeps, Society, and Shivers, Gunn's script is routinely funny if not particularly concerned with being all that fear-inducing.  It does have skin-crawling charm in spades though and the entire cast is thankfully very much in on the nasty fun.  The always likable Nathan Fillion and Elizabeth Banks make solid leads, but Michael Rooker was rarely funnier than as a mutated, horned-up hillbilly who kick-starts the whole slimy, bug-infested zombie fest.  Both the dialog and gross-out gore benefits wonderfully from the R rating as the movie incessantly goes for and gets laughs amongst all of its slimy filth and leisure vulgarity.  Naturally, the CGI effects are awful compared to the practical ones, but there are enough of the latter to forgive the former, particularly in the globby, splattery finale.  As far as horror movies being knowingly derivative with a solid nod and wink, this is about as adequate as they get.

SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET
(2007)
Dir - Tim Burton
Overall: MEH

 

Tim Burton's third musical in a row and another in a long line of adaptations and/or remakes of other works for the increasingly stagnant director, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street is the dark, dreary, mega-budgeted cinematic version of Stephen Sodenheim's stage musical of the same name.  Both the most sing-songy and most gory of Burton's works, the film will be a near torturous chore for those appreciative of either.  Likewise, for those who have long grown tired of the filmmaker's lack of original scripts, whimsically Gothic indulgences, and now comical insistence of working exclusively with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, this will also sit as uncomfortably as ever.  Burton takes his penchant for gloom to extremes here as the movie's color pallet is saturated to look a stone's throw away from Ed Wood.  The liberal amounts of splattery, crimson blood and Sacha Baron Cohen's circus performer-esque wardrobe are about the only exceptions to the depressing, muted tones and Depp and Carter look like Hot Topic emo kids donning period costumes for Halloween.  On the plus side, the music from the celebrated play is strong as are the vocal chops of the cast, even Depp who had to undergo singing lessons to catch up to his contemporaries here.  Otherwise, it is mostly a bombastic pass though.

2000s American Horror Part Eight

SESSION 9

(2001)

Dir - Brad Anderson

Overall: GOOD

For the majority of Brad Anderson's first break from romantic comedies in Session 9, things go off without a hitch.  The cast is strong and save for one or two very scripty monologues near the beginning and some textbook, horror movie phrases at the end, the dude-centric dialog is convincing.  The screenplay by Anderson and Stephen Gevedon, (who also appears as Mike in the film), is well-structured and uses the effortlessly creepy setting of the real life Danvers State Mental Hospital in Massachusetts, (as well as numerous scenes of characters listening to old tape recordings of split-personality inmates), rather engagingly.  That the movie does not manage to come off as generic as it probably should remains its most impressive quality, making the story itself more interesting than its spooky, well-executed if familiar set pieces.  The subversive presentation ultimately bypasses the somewhat lackluster finale and one or two hokey moments such as David Curoso's famous "Hey...fuck you!" meme per example.  With more missteps avoided than not, it is genuinely an admirable offering.

 

MURDER PARTY

(2007)

Dir - Jeremy Saulnier

Overall: GOOD

 

The first non-short, directorial effort from filmmaker Jeremy Saulnier and he and his friend's makeshift, somewhat unofficial production company Lab of Madness, Murder Party is about as dark as dark comedies get.  The premise is funny enough on paper which is always a good sign, but the way the film escalates its disturbingness in such a controlled manner that nevertheless manages to reach off-the-walls wackiness is quite impressive, especially for a full-length, indie debut.  As the title would suggest, there is a party (or two) and a whole lot of murder.  Pulling no punches whatsoever with the abundant amount of gore and throwing in little details like a cranked-out dog, a woman having an allergic reaction to non-organic raisins, and a werewolf mask catching on fire and getting fused to a guy's screaming face, there is a level of glee to be had by how much hilariously alarming set pieces keep popping up.  Much of the film is so ridiculous that no one could possibly mistake it for anything but a comedy, though Saulnier somehow never manages to make such absurdity come off as corny or cheap.  Instead, it is as enjoyable as a bulldozing experience can be for something so equally upsetting and hilarious.

 

ZOMBIE STRIPPERS

(2008)

Dir -  Jay Lee

Overall: MEH

 

D-rent and proudly so, writer/director/cinematographer/editor Jay Lee's Zombie Strippers is truth in advertising 101.  There are strippers, there are zombies, the end.  Paying any mind to the embarrassing social commentary or dumb-ass plot would be a waste of anyone's time.  Since the movie is positively idiotic and its only goal is to show boobs and gore while being idiotic, it achieves such a thing entertainingly for those who feel the one-note joke of the title can sustain itself for ninety-minutes in any context, let alone this one.  The combination of straight-to-late-night cable softcore aesthetics, Troma-adjacent splatter, and jokes that are meant to be funny because of how not funny they are, it certainly tests the threshold of exhaustability.  A small handful of moments are worth a chuckle, but the execution is so predominantly cheap and lame-brained that it is understandable to check out during the proceedings.  Thus is the case even when Jenna Jameson is battling a fellow naked zombie in a strip-off while shooting billiard balls out of her vagina.