Masters of Horror Season One Part Two

CHOCOLATE
(2005)
Dir - Mick Garris
Overall: MEH

The first Masters of Horror entry to be helmed by the series creator Mick Garris, (Sleepwalkers, the television miniseries version of The Shining), Chocolate has a somewhat ambitious and strange premise that unfortunately falls a bit flat.  Familiar faces Henry Thomas and Matt Frewer are present, with the former being besieged by uncomfortably strange, violent, and horny visions, the latter an aging punk rock musician, and both are artificial food chemical scientists because why not?  Though it is comparatively void of the at least aggressive schlock present in some of the bigger name director's installments, it is still clunky due to a less than tight script, some B-movie acting, and the modest TV budget. 

HOMECOMING

(2005)
Dir - Joe Dante
Overall: MEH

Joe Dante's loose adaptation of Dale Bailey's 2002 short story Death & Suffrage is a strongly potent zombie film for the Bush Jr. era.  As a political satire, Homecoming is incessantly on the nose, depicting right wing warmongers as sub-human, cartoon character villains who are in black and white contrast to the sympathetic undead soldiers that have come back to vote non-Republican.  The contrast of sentimentality and goofy, zombie high jinks is jarring to say the least and Dante never quite establishes the right tonal balance between them.  This mixed with the nonchalant way that the characters react to the extraordinary situation on hand makes for a bizarre end result that loses its footing as humorous parody, coming off more confused than anything.

DEER WOMAN
(2005)
Dir - John Landis
Overall: GOOD

Returning to horror after a thirteen year break, John Landis' Deer Woman is quite typical of the director's output.  Meaning it is violent, features Easter eggs to his previous works, and is overtly comedic.  Co-written by his son Max and featuring Dream On's Brian Benben in the lead, the humor is very hit or miss.  It is mostly an issue of timing and some odd performances, with several moments lingering awkwardly for laughs that never quite land.  On the plus side though, the light tone is appropriate and just as he did in the seminal An American Werewolf in London, more time is spent teasing the title monster than properly showing it.  Messy and flawed to be fair, but it is also not taken very seriously and ends up rather enduring because of this.

CIGARETTE BURNS
(2005)
Dir - John Carpenter
Overall: GOOD

No series called Masters of Horror could exist on admirable footing without an inclusion from John Carpenter and his Cigarette Burns entry is appropriately satisfying.  Stepping noticeably away from the more over-the-top tendencies of his later movies, Carpenter goes for a more eerie and gradual mood here.  As a story about a legendarily infamous bit of celluloid, it is a slow boil that grows increasingly more sinister and strange along the way.  The gory end result is fittingly eye-wincing and the impending madness that has been built up is largely fulfilled.  It is ultimately not as visually captivating as the filmmaker's most lauded work and a mistake is made in showing too much of the cursed film within a film which comes off like a parody of a student art-house movie that is trying way too hard to be disturbing.  Still, it is a strong effort with enough skillful Carpenter flourishes to make it essential viewing for fans of the director's largely excellent filmography.

Masters of Horror Season One Part One

INCIDENT ON AND OFF A MOUNTAIN ROAD
(2005)
Dir - Don Coscarelli
Overall: MEH

The Showtime series Masters of Horror gets off to a mediocre start with Don Coscarelli's Incident On and Off a Mountain Road.  Co-scripted by Joe R. Lansdale and based off of his own short story of the same name, it goes for a Texas Chainsaw Massacre vibe with a giant, creepy looking mute boogeyman living in the middle of the woods who likes to kidnap and torture women because horror movies.  Coscarelli brings the Tall Man Angus Scrimm on board as a demented old redneck spouting nonsense and a bulked-up Ethan Embry plays a narcissistic, ex-military piece of shit scumbag for what it is worth.  The story tries to make the concept interesting of a woman overcoming, well, being a woman in order to survive and then turning into a badass, but the presentation is enormously hokey and amatuerish.

H.P. LOVECRAFT'S DREAMS IN THE WITCH-HOUSE
(2005)
Dir - Stuart Gordon
Overall: GOOD

Stuart Gordon returns to his usual source of inspiration for what would be the final time in his career, yet again adapting H.P. Lovecraft with Dreams in the Witch-House.  Also working with his frequent screenwriting collaborator Dennis Paoli, it is a typically dark, straightforward work from the director.  Though it minimizes the schlock to a significant degree, there is a human-faced rat that is equal parts amusing and alarming during its appearances.  Elsewhere, there are boobs and blood and in typical Lovecraftian fashion, the main protagonist Walter Gilman, (Ezra Godden standing in for Jeffrey Combs who would have worked perfectly here if the film was made two decades earlier), ends up in a padded cell with no one believing his otherworldly tale.  It is low on surprises, but high on fun and genre-pandering atmosphere.

DANCE OF THE DEAD
(2005)
Dir - Tobe Hooper
Overall: WOOF

The penultimate work from Tobe "No subtlety anywhere to be found" Hooper sadly continues his wretchedly schlocky stock and trade.  Though Dance of the Dead was scripted by Richard Matheson's son and based off of one of his own short stories, its dialog is wretchedly abysmal and good luck knowing or caring about much of what is even going on.  Hooper's frenzied, loud, ugly, heavy metal B-movie directorial approach absolutely does not help though.  Besides Robert Englund hamming it up as naturally as ever, the film's villains are pathetic versions of Near Dark's vampires, replacing any charm or menace with obnoxious, "I'm a badass/fuck you cunt!" line readings and mannerisms.  Throw in a stock, industrial score from Billy Corgan of all people and crap digital effects and it is a trainwreck best left utterly ignored.

JENIFER
(2005)
Dir - Dario Argento
Overall: MEH

By 2004, Dario Argento was hardly turning out masterpieces anymore and his first Masters of Horror entry Jenifer explicitly proves this.  Adapted by actor Steven Weber from a 1974 Creepy story by Bruce Jones and legendary illustrator Bernie Wrightson, it is consistently lame-brained and unintentionally comedic.  The plotting is haphazard, the dialog is as embarrassing as the performances, Goblin mainman and frequent Argento collaborator Claudio Simonetti's score is whimsical instead of menacing, and the cheap presentation reeks of television movie production values.  Argento crams in a fair amount of sleaze and uncomfortable gore, but he cannot properly compensate for the pedestrian look which is miles and miles away from his stylistic, vibrantly nightmarish heyday.  It is not bad enough to be insulting, but it is...pretty bad.

2010's Robert Morgan Shorts

BOBBY YEAH

(2011)

Overall: GOOD

Robert Morgan's first film for a new decade and longest up until that point, Bobby Yeah continues his usual themes of purposely disturbing looking, amorphous creatures interacting without dialog and conveying pure emotion to the viewer.  The fleshy, indistinguishable hybrid of beings present this round all have holes for other stringy, tentacle manifestations to spew out of and there are indeed prominent sexual overtones throughout.  Impulsiveness seems to continually lead to reproduction of an increasingly bizarre and grotesque nature.  Things are never all, well, one thing though in Morgan's work.  The pink, angora walls of one location juxtapose against the cold, dark, and blue interior of another and the same goes for every character we meet who often seem adorable and uncomfortably repulsive all at once.

INVOCATION

(2013)

Overall: GOOD

 

As part of Channel 4's Random Acts series, Robert Morgan's Invocation is another combination of live action and stop-motion animation as the 2007 version of The Cat with Hands was.  After spending three years working on the proceeding Bobby Yeah, Morgan dished out its follow-up relatively quickly and more carefree.  At a mere three-minutes, it is rather on the nose and as close to autobiographical as Morgan's darkly macabre and surreal would allow.  A stop-motion animator readies his shoot with a teddy bear when he accidentally pricks his finger and gets blood in the camera.  From there, things go in a typically fleshy, birthy, and violent direction.  Void of more deeper subtext this time, it is something more on the "lighthearted" side; just some ghastly, horror eye-candy fun really.

BELIAL'S DREAM

(2017)

Overall: GOOD

 

Commissioned as part of the Celluloid Screams festival in Sheffield, England, Belial's Dream as any Frank Henenlotter fan could guess does in fact feature said creature from Basket Case fame.  It is not necessarily a sequel; more a loving little ode to one of the strangest horror comedy franchises there is.  As the title would suggest, we get a glimpse into Belial's dreams/nightmares and it goes about as disturbingly as one would expect.  He licks his lips at a fleshy, amorphous thing with red satin panties on, (an nod to the first film), sits on his fleshy Aunt's lap, and gets haunted by a fleshy tentacle version of his "normal" brother Duane taunting him for being a freak.  Robert Morgan thankfully attains Belial's skin-crawling screams and the overall design work thankfully fits right in with the animator's usual dark, surreal shtick.

2020 Horror Part Three

HIS HOUSE

Dir - Remi Weekes
Overall: GOOD

A promising debut from British filmmaker Remi Weekes, His House showcases a few unique ideas while playing it safe in other areas.  Technically a haunted house film, centering it on a refugee couple from South Sudan besieged by malevolent, mystical forces from their homeland, the cultural elements give it a promising spin.  The tired and played-out horror formula is tweaked in a few instances to great effect, though elsewhere, relentless music, ghoulish visuals, and predictable jumps undermine these more refreshingly creepy moments.  Thankfully, there is a greater emphasis on how overwhelming guilt eats away at those in severe desperation, which serves as the traumatic heart of the movie's horror in the first place.  The two lead performances by Wunmi Mosaku and Sope Dirisu are superb, and without them and such a powerful, emotional backbone to the proceedings, the movie's more genre-pandering visuals and beats could have become too distracting.  What is strong here is not only strong, but ultimately more important than what is not.

 

UNDERWATER

Dir - William Eubank

Overall: MEH

The third feature from cinematographer turned director William Eubank is also notable as the last film ever to be released under the 20th Century Fox label after Disney acquired the company and changed it to 20th Century Studios a week following its release.  While this technically gives Underwater some historical importance, the movie itself is anything but memorable.  Tailor-made to check off every "crew besieged by an unknown monster while trying to survive" trope that there has ever been, there are so many other works that many elements here can be traced back to that it is a rather a futile chore to list them here.  We have all seen this kind of stuff before.  The underwhelming, derivative nature aside, Underwater also suffers from frequently muffled dialog, confusing editing, and forcefully gritty and disorienting camerawork that puts the viewer at a complete loss as to what is going on during many would-be tense set pieces.  Throw in a gang of characters that are exclusively underdeveloped, incessantly obnoxious and predictable jump scares, and unnatural CGI and that does not really leave a whole lot else to recommend.  That is unless you are simply a fan of watching Kristen Stewart run around wet and bleeding in her underwear a lot.

 

THE DARK AND THE WICKED

Dir - Bryan Bertino

Overall: MEH

The latest from writer/director Bryan Bertino, (The Strangers, The Monster), is a heavy-brooding, slow-boil examination of malicious dread, which in and of itself is not a bad thing.  The Dark and the Wicked's tone is consistently miserable without a solitary moment of humor, and this suits the story where characters continually succumb to hopelessness.  What does not suit the movie itself is how relentless cliches bombard each other for screen time, each one taking more and more away from its intended, affecting impact.  The soundtrack is particularly determined; barely a scene is allowed to breath in any semblance of verisimilitude as the creepy music is incessantly driving the viewers emotions, never once allowing them to forget that they are watching a by-the-books horror movie.  None of the supernatural components are given any semblance of purpose as they are only there to provide a hefty quota of arbitrary creepy stuff for the utter sake of such a thing.  In the process, it all comes off thoroughly predictable and even grating after awhile.  For something so dour and hyper-focused on evoking an emotional reaction, it is a shame that it takes zero chances in its presentation and relies so unflinchingly heavy on banal conventions.

2020 Horror Part Two

POSSESSOR

Dir - Brandon Cronenberg

Overall: GOOD

 

Like Antiviral before it, Brandon Cronenberg's sophomore effort Possessor unabashedly channels the work of his famous father while simultaneously helping to carve out an impressive niche for himself.  More ambitious, more violent, and more savagely unnerving than his debut, Possessor is equal parts Black Mirror, The Matrix, Inception, and the good ole Cronenberg body horror stock and trade.  While various points of origin are noticeable, these elements are fused uniquely due to a confident vision.  Like most good, challenging science fiction, the film showcases the dark, humanity sucking consequences of technological advancement.  The world seems both polished and high end, yet also lived in.  Visually, its bloodshed and nightmarish glitches are as vibrant as they are deeply disturbing.  The two leads in Andrea Riseborough and Christopher Abbott, (the latter of whom pulls an even more impressive dual role of sorts), bring a cold, emotionally challenged undercurrent to the movie's central theme of human alienation and detachment.  While the gore factor is cranked up considerably even by modern standards and moments of cheerful uplifting are none to be found, it is an excellent work for those looking to have their buttons psychologically pushed.

 

HOST

Dir - Rob Savage
Overall: MEH

If one were to be generous, Rob Savage's COVID-19 quarantine inspired Host could be seen as the found footage equivalent to gas station food.  It provides absolutely zero essential nourishment, but if you are in a jam and do not feel like putting any effort into resisting the urge to indulge in sodium and sugar loaded garbage for the mere immediate thrill of it, then go crazy.  On paper, Host has an interesting set up.  Filmed in 2020, post-pandemic and based on a YouTube short that he posted shortly beforehand, Savage seems to have found a clever way around making a movie in such an environment.  If everyone cannot safely be around each other on a film set, why not just shoot it on Zoom?  The movie's inventiveness unfortunately begins and ends there as it is a gross, criminally insulting barrage of found footage cliches all across the board.  At only fifty-six minutes in length, it seems to pack just as many jump scares into it and no explanation is remotely bothered with in giving several people a reason to not even think of calling the cops while walking around terrified with laptops and no lights on so we can all see spooky stuff happening.  Props for giving such an idea a try and besides its forgivable running time and one or two "Yeah that's somewhat creepy" beats, it is the same shit, different found footage movie.

#ALIVE

Dir - Cho Il-hyung
Overall: GOOD

Yet another contemporary South Korean zombie film, director Cho Il-hyung's debut Alive is as strong of an entry into the over-saturated sub-genre as can be.  Being rather potent for the time by arriving in a real life COVID-19 pandemic and utilizing the gimmick of people told to stay in their homes during a flesh-eating corpse outbreak, it carries some immediate, topical weight that otherwise would be lacking if the film arrived just a handful of months earlier.  The moments of frenzied, zombie mayhem are routinely boring and go the same routes as the boatloads of other such movies that have been churned out over the last few decades, but the film wisely does not make such things its primary focus.  Instead, most of the time is spent on its very small number of uninfected characters, examining the traumatic coping mechanisms of people shut off from society and trying desperately to find the emotional strength needed to survive.  The film is intentionally funny at times and such scenes never seem out of place under the serious, heartfelt ones.  Best of all, it is also legitimately hopeful, which is a welcome change from the more dour tone many movies of such ilk often take.

2020 Horror Part One

RELIC

Dir - Natalie Erika James

Overall: MEH

 

A great deal of symbolism is at play in Natalie Erika James' full-length debut Relic; a grim, slow-boil dissension into the deteriorating mental and emotional strain of losing a loved one to time.  On the nose symbolism like black mold appearing on both the interior of a house and the body of an elderly woman represents the disintegration of their physical forms.  The fact that these forms are each connected to memories and loved ones renders the metaphor as anything but ambiguous.  James makes an all too common error though which is how the movie relies on derivative and unengaging horror tropes.  Its structure is very textbook, unfolding gradually with increasingly more sinister moments building to a tense conclusion, and there are monsters creeping under beds or visible to the audience but not the characters, hidden, looping, bizarro-world dimensions being uncovered, characters standing emotionless and hurting/peeing themselves, jump scares, and several concerning supernatural occurrences taking place that none of the characters mention to anyone and just shrug off and deal with.  It is effective in its poignancy, but delivers less than it should everywhere else.

THE INVISIBLE MAN
Dir - Leigh Whannell
Overall: MEH

After multiple botched attempts to make a Universal monsters cinematic universe, (one of Hollywood's most bonehead ideas in recent times), such a concept has at least been temporarily abandoned in the wake of the Universal/Blumhouse co-production The Invisible Man which is a stand alone story.  The first issue is in the fact that it is called The Invisible Man.  Besides there being such a man and that his last name is Griffin, literally no other similarities between this and H.G. Wells source material exist.  Meaning the only reason it is called this is because it is an existing property.  Complaining about major studios not investing money on original content void of all brand recognition is a futile exercise though so, moving on.  Directed by frequent James Wan collaborator Leigh Whannell, it is modern day horror all the way through, down to the muted color tones, swelling noise on the soundtrack leading into dead silence at the beginning, a plot twist, plenty of jump scares, and a pacing that moves too quick to fix all of its plot inconsistencies.  There are plenty of other even older cliches thrown into the mix and at its core, the film is another tale of a woman made to look crazy in a horror movie, except this time through the veil of a narcissistic, stalking control freak.  The premise is acceptable, but the entire film drains all of its mileage from it and in the process, it not only falls apart under a microscope, but its bombardment of familiar tropes and rehashed modern sensibilities do not elevate it above that premise.

 

YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT

Dir - David Koepp

Overall: MEH

 

The latest genre offering from prolific screenwriter/occasional director David Koepp You Should Have Left once again finds him working with a now-looking-his-sixty-two-years-of-age Kevin Bacon, also joined by Amanda Seyfried who is literally almost half said age.  At least such a usual, glossed-over Hollywood double standard of the elderly leading man paired romantically with a still young and wrinkle-free leading lady is addressed in the actual story itself which is an adaptation of Daniel Kehlman's novel of the same name.  As far as the resulting foray into supernatural horror, it is a typical example of a sturdy enough premise bogged down predictably by a terribly tripe presentation.  Numerous jump scares, a lack of rules established for the arbitrarily spooky set pieces that transpire, a whispering kid, nightmare sequences that every character jumps straight up in bed out of, the ole "We just spent hours walking away from this house that makes us feel trapped only to arrive right back at it" plot point, the ole "Person moves but their reflection doesn't move with them" gag, unnecessarily cryptic and rude locals, an ending where characters make utterly moronic decisions as an only means to move things to their heightened conclusion, etc.  It is a shame as Bacon and Seyfried do an admirable job as a doomed couple and themes of all-consuming guilt manifesting themselves horrifically would be so much more engaging if a far less pedestrian execution was utilized.

2019 Horror Part Eight

BLISS

Dir - Joe Begos

Overall: GOOD

The second of three films to be released in the last four years titled Bliss is another in a stream of horror entries for filmmaker Joe Begos.  Though its protagonist is detrimentally unlikable, (not the performance from Dora Madison but the character herself), and it is rather difficult if not outright impossible to feel sympathy for anyone else on screen either, the movie gets by with a heaping amount of style.  Seedy, sleazy, coked-out, and ultra-violent, it takes a uniquely over the top approach to its subject matter of the abandonment of the soul through barbaric drug use and artistic frustration.  By using such things as mounted cameras, striking and dark purples, reds, and blues, seizure-inducing editing, surreal visuals, and a soundtrack that blends doom metal, punk rock, retro 80s horror synths, Eric Clapton-esque Lethal Weapon guitar solos, and eerie atmospherics, it is consistently feverish.  Since it is low on actual story, unfortunately it becomes one-note after awhile with people screaming the word "Fuck" every three seconds and spastic, loud, gooey blood spewing everywhere.  That said, such extremities do enhance the mania and it works as a grandiose nightmare above anything else.

 

SAINT MAUD

Dir - Rose Glass

Overall: GOOD

Another in a current line of powerful, challenging, intellectually potent debut horror films being made, British writer/director Rose Glass' Saint Maud takes a highly atmospheric approach to a story centered around the co-existence of religious fanaticism and schizophrenia.  From the slow, opening shot and unsettling, ambient sound design, Glass structures a simmering, dreadful mood.  Spending the entire movie in the very disturbed psyche of the title character, (played fantastically by Welsh actress Morfydd Clark), who narrates her direct communication with god, things become increasingly concerning as the tole and struggles of her self-maintained, nomadic lifestyle grows disturbingly unhinged.  The conservatively used horror genre tactics almost seem unnecessary not just because Glass hardly bothers with them in the first place, but also because the psychological aspects unfold very slowly and offer up a far more eerie picture than one or two creepy CGI face morphs or loud jolts on the soundtrack.  The story is clear cut enough that there is not much to decipher as far as what is real or not, but as a character study for such ominous neurosis, it is quite fascinating and artfully done.

READY OR NOT

Dir - Matt Bettinelli-Olpin/Tyler Gillett

Overall: GOOD

The team of Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett from Radio Silence fame comparatively improve upon their full-length, rather lousy debut Devil's Due with Ready or Not.  While the script from Guy Busick and R. Christopher Murphy is not the tightest in the world and some of the humor does not quite land, it has a goofy charm that carries it through most of the way.  The premise, though flimsy, does lend itself to some amusing, violent mayhem due to the filmmakers and cast not taking anything very seriously.  As the movie's version of a final girl of sorts, Samara Weaving is charming and sympathetic, which is necessary to make the rest of the film's flaws more forgiving.  Just when things seems to get too darkly serious and emotional, Bettinelli-Olpin and Gillett usually find a way to swing it all back around, never completely losing the objective to take the piss out of upper-class self-importance and "tradition and family over everything" type nonsensical thinking.  As a whole, it is certainly imperfect, but the multitude of clever moments that hit their mark are probably enough in number to suffice.