2023 Horror Part Six

MARUI VIDEO
Dir - Yoon Joon-Hyeong
Overall: MEH

 

In the wake of Kōji Shiraishi's Noroi: The Curse, several ominous mockumentaries have emerged from the East, none of which have boasted the type of bone-chilling ingenuity of Shiraishi's masterpiece.  Marui Video from South Korean filmmaker Yoon Joon-Hyeong is yet another faulty entry into the sub-genre, making the usual blunder of mixing standard editing and incessant incidental music within a found footage framework.  This failed approach of a conventionally put together, true crime program makes it impossible to induce the type of immersion that found footage movies at least on paper are capable of doing.  More problematic though is the convoluted plot.  There are too many characters to keep track of as the documentary crew side-steps into poorly explained avenues, to the point where all of the showstopping set pieces are head-scratching instead of scary.  Yoon seems to have a difficult time committing to an ending as well, presenting us with about a half dozen of them in the closing moments before yet another scene starts up, all coming off as inconsequential as opposed to being "Whoah!" revelatory.

THE BOOGEYMAN

Dir - Rob Savage

Overall: WOOF

 

For any Stephen King fans that were jonesin' for a cinematic adaptation of one of his earliest published short stories, the resulting The Boogeyman should logically disappoint as it arrives in the era of obnoxious jump scares, laughable CGI monsters, stoic children who speak almost exclusively in whispers and ergo do not act like any actual children anywhere on the planet, characters witnessing supernatural activity and keeping the details all to themselves, and traumatized people overcoming their grief in the most schlock-laden and syrupy manner.  King's written works are no stranger to having everything getting wrapped up in a nice little package where the sufferers defeat the evil that has befallen them with a newfound sense of acceptance and empowerment, but such an outcome is broadcast from miles away here in one of the most hack-laden presentations in recent memory.  Appallingly unoriginal, it is as if the entire production was completed by an A.I. algorithm to include every cheap horror genre aspect that is guaranteed to make sure that all audience member can check their Instagram accounts on their phone or text their buddies while only half paying attention to what is happening on screen.  Sadly, the committed performances from a top-notch cast are wasted on such tripe that cannot even nail the seemingly idiot-proof concept of a creepy thing living in the dark; a concept that should be universally chilling instead of insultingly stupid.

 

HAUNTING OF THE QUEEN MARY

Dir - Gary Shore

Overall: MEH

 

The latest from Irish-born director Gary Shore, (and his first solo full-length since 2014's ill-received Dracula Untold), Haunting of the Queen Mary is a stylized tour de force that collapses under its narrative ambitions.  Ten years in development from producer Brett Tomberlin, it is allegedly the first in a trilogy of films to be loosely based, (and presumably highly exaggerated), upon the RMS Queen Mary; a famous British ocean liner that sailed between 1936 and 1967.  Whether or not this turns into a proper franchise is to be determined, but the first crack at it wields conflicting results.  Bouncing between two timelines and often in long, elaborate single shots, Shore also incorporates documentary footage while increasingly cranking up the arbitrary, supernatural set pieces.  It oddly has the kinetic energy of schlocky, late 90s horror ala William Malone's House on Haunted Hill remake and is it is also a visual bombardment of horrendous violence, glossy/digital sheen, and ornamented set design.  Sadly though, it fails as a compelling viewing experience due to the murky-at-best plot which sluggishly spins off into no man's land.  Trying to balance about half a dozen ideas that could have carried their own narrative on their own, it is all instead thrown into one bloated, two-hour mind-trip.  It gets points for its wild grasp and retro callbacks, but viewers may need an aspirin afterwards to fight off the headache.

2023 Horror Part Five

BROOKLYN 45

Dir - Ted Geoghegan

Overall: GOOD

 

Film publicist-turned-director Ted Geoghegan's Brooklyn 45 is another in a continuous stream of horror movies and an impressive yet imperfect one at that.  A period piece dealing with the complex PTSD suffered by the men, women, and bystanders following the end of the second World War, Geoghegan collaborated on the project with his own father who was a disabled Air Force veteran and history teacher.  Staged almost exclusively in a single room, it recalls famous teleplays Glengarry Glen Ross and 12 Angry Men, both of which became legendary cinematic works in their own right.  This comes down to the copious amounts of tasty dialog and a limited ensemble of layered characters whose desperation with their dramatic, (and in this case, otherworldly), plight steadily heightens the intensity where more and more personal and traumatic truths are revealed.  While it remains riveting, the minimalist plot and some of the wordy monologues do get repetitive.  Geoghegan's screenplay does a fine job in deeply fleshing-out its flawed characters, but Ezra Buzzington's Major is too unwavering in his bigotry to stomach, even if this is likely intentional.  Besides its inventive premise and some fancy, spookshow window dressing that is conservatively scattered about, the film is a triumph as far as its performances go, with the small crop of character actors bringing their A-game to a solid B-movie.

 

COBWEB

Dir - Samuel Bodin

Overall: WOOF

 

The first full-length from director Samuel Bodin and follow-up to his 2019 miniseries Marianne, Cobweb is insultingly derivative both in its script and execution.  From its opening moments, Bodin adheres to a muted color pallet and a subdued atmosphere that fails to generate any tension or chills due to its cut-and-paste nature from virtually every contemporary film in the genre.  Chris Thomas Devlin's script was included on the 2018 Black List and it would seem as if he was pulling a prank on people who have already sat through gallons of movies with old, creaky houses that look seven times larger on the inside than on the outside, a "thing inside the wall" premise, scumbag parents with a dark secret, a stoic/friendless kid with no friends who gets picked on by a bully that no adult anywhere does anything about, said friendless kid being condescended to by his parents for his overactive imagination, and plot hole-ridden set pieces one after the other.  Though Bodin only seldom utilizes a heightened, surreal sense of style to emphasis the children's point of view, (ala Bob Balaban's superb Parents), he mostly presents everything in a deadly straight, humorless manner that seems to want the audience to take some of its child abuse themes seriously, even with a schlocky finale that just leaves a big stupid mess to shake your head in annoyance at.

 

THE PASSENGER

Dir - Carter Smith

Overall: GOOD

An occasionally brutal, metaphorical thriller and the latest from director Carter Smith, The Passenger is one of several 2023 films to feature a lead performance from actor Kyle Gallner who goes on an unhinged, impulsive killing spree of sorts while forcing his cripplingly sheepish coworker Johnny Berchtold to tag along and face his own psychological blocks.  The duality between antagonist and protagonist is the driving force here where each is an exaggerated opposite of each other, both bonded by separate childhood traumas that have snowballed into a barrage of pent-up aggression and introversion, respectively.  Some of these elements are made explicit while others are suggested, giving the story some dynamics that fuel the audience's investment.  Gallner and Berchtold's well-matched and occasionally showy performances also help.  The violence is sporadic yet brutal and shocking when it appears, particularly in the first act which breaks up an awkwardly uncomfortable scenario and sets off the narrative's chain of events.  Though not as minimalist or gay-centric as Smith's Swallowed from the previous year, there is still such a subtext present and the noticeably small budget works for the dingy, small-town setting where synchronicity and chance can logically line up in each character's parallel undertaking.

2023 Horror Part Four

MALUM

Dir - Anthony DiBlasi

Overall: WOOF

For some asinine reason that only the gods can understand, modern day schlock-peddler Anthony DiBlasi decided to remake his own Last Shift a mere nine years later as Malum; a movie that seems hellbent on breaking the viewer with more obnoxious cliches than seemingly possible.  Filmmakers having another go at one of their own properties, (usually a short or a student film), with an enhanced budget or something is reasonable enough, as are remakes done by a new crop of people decades after the fact on a property that they were not initially involved with.  Also, redoing a terrible horror movie with potential to NOT be terrible is a noble effort, yet this particular dung heap is both baffling in its very existence and even more awful than its predecessor.  The stock scary music only stops in order to predictably announce a jump scare, characters are both morons and assholes, the performances should provide a highlight reel for aggressive over-acting 101, the story excuses a bombardment of derivative occult nonsense and pedestrian drama to play out as arbitrary hallucinations, and it would all be accidentally hilarious if not for how insultingly cheap, lazy, and pointless it is.  In other words, this is a top contender for the worst horror movie of 2023.

PERPETRATOR

Dir - Jennifer Reeder

Overall: GOOD

 

In the spirit of John Fawcett and Karen Walton's blossoming womanhood-via lycanthropy, teen-angst gem Ginger Snaps, Jennifer Reeder's Perpetrator takes a more unique route on coming-of-age feminism that is equal parts monstrous and empowering.  Stylistically, it is a performative head-scratcher, with bizarre humor, wildly unnatural performances, and an opaque tone that frustrates as much as it entices.  Whatever the hell "monster" that Reeder has envisioned here is a hilariously strange concoction of empath, vampire, and shapeshifter whose bubbling blood, (rather menstrual or spewing from gaping wounds), literally opens up to a bottomless pit which is apparently just one of many superpowers that such special ladies can unleash against unwholesome forces.  The cast is highlight worthy, particularly Kiah McKirnan in the lead, (playing a young woman eleven years younger than her actual self, but who is counting?), Alicia Silverstone as her delightfully quirky and mysterious Aunt, and Chris Lowell as a batshit wacky school principal.  It all makes for a fascinating watch that is heavy on goofiness, which is something that makes its more icky and disturbing aspects easier to swallow if not at all easier to understand.

 

THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER

Dir - André Øvredal

Overall: MEH

 

Lingering in development hell for two decades, The Last Voyage of the Demeter finally emerged, (or set sail as it were), with André Øvredal at the helm, (alright, enough with the puns).  Øvredal works from a screenplay from more than half a dozen screenwriters ultimately contributing drafts and ideas to Bragi Schut Jr.'s initial pitch.  Said pitch was Alien on a boat via Bram Stoker's Dracula, and the resulting movie lives up to such a premise even if it is unremarkable and formulaic in its execution.  Cliches abound where everything is portrayed with a limited color pallet, (various browns and grays in this case), the creature makes obnoxiously stock screechy noises, everyone is allowed to deliver schlocky monologues uninterrupted, all of the characters have adequate amounts of filth on their face at all times because no movie set before World War II is ever allowed to showcase the results of bathing, and it has a lush, digital sheen to it despite the abundance of period set grime.  Ignoring all of the derivative and unimaginative production aspects, horror and specifically Dracula fans may get a kick out of the hyper-focus on but one aspect of Stoker's initial novel, plus some of the familiar vampire motifs are done in an impressively brutal manner.  It ultimately fails to elevate its well-worn-out material though, either because of or in spite of the fact that it takes itself too seriously on its predictable trek.

2023 Horror Part Three

RENFIELD

Dir - Chris McKay

Overall: GOOD

 

After one failed attempt followed by another, Comcast's Universal Pictures seems to have temporarily at least bailed on the moronic idea of a shared cinematic monster universe, instead focusing on one-offs like Renfield; a comedic action movie take on cinema's most frequented vampire Count and his bug-eating subordinate.  Scoring a coup with casting Nicolas Cage in full zeitgeist mode as said Count, his performance is predictably and more to the point, appropriately scenery-chewing.  Speaking of predictable, the script by Ryan Ridley, (which was based off of an idea by Robert Kirkman), is too formulaic to wow any audience members with its wise-cracking, beat-by-beat schlock, but the premise of looking at the age-old vampire/familiar dynamic through contemporary self-help empowerment is successfully hilarious.  Throwing in drug dealers, a corrupt police force, and an underdog female officer out to make her murdered father proud results in too many genres and side arcs fighting for adequate attention, plus it also leads to a bloated finale where the zippy, loud, conveniently-plotted tone overstays its welcome.  That said, it is genuinely funny at regular intervals, and after so much dark and gritty when it comes to endless reboots of timeless horror staples, it is nice to see something taking the piss out of itself.

THE OFFERING

Dir - Oliver Park

Overall: MEH

Actor-turned-director Oliver Park's full-length debut The Offering adheres to the bombastic James Wan style of horror which sacrifices all subtlety for loud, grimy schlock.  The bare-bones premise is fine if not even refreshing as it revolves around an estranged son of a Hasidic funeral home owner who falls on financial hardships and along with his pregnant wife, has to move back into the ole family business.  Jewish mysticism is always a nice change of pace from the typical Christian or specifically Catholic dogma that is utilized in contemporary supernatural tales, and Hank Hoffman's script here is respectfully detailed if obviously still sensationalized in this respect.  The problem is with Park's incredibly hack-laden presentation.  Frequent attempts are made to establish dread, but one after the other, they are all undermined by loud, over-the-top, and cliched audio and visual tropes.  This not only stops the movie from having a unique voice amongst the heard, but it also jives awkwardly with sincere performances and an intense if still elementary story about how grief and regret shape troubled family dynamics.  In any event, those who cannot get enough of predictable jump scares, screaming set pieces, and CGI demons, this by-the-books genre *cough* OFFERING will suffice.

EVIL DEAD RISE

Dir - Lee Cronin

Overall: WOOF

As was already made abundantly clear with the 2013 remake, a contemporary take on the Evil Dead franchise is a fool's errand that keeps getting unwatchably bludgeoned without Sam Raimi's singular vision exclusively at the helm.  After a ten year gap that unfortunately could not stay a gap, Evil Dead Rise emerges as the latest ill-conceived shitshow in the series; a combination of lazy fan service, overall redundancy, underwritten characters, inconsistent demon and character behavior, and worst of all, a downright pummeling display of insultingly wretched, modern day horror tropes.  The sound design alone should constitute as a war crime as it follows the "pin-drop silence followed by loud noise" motif throughout almost its entire running time, taking jump scare abominations to brain-damage-inducing heights.  Visually, it is just as derivative, set in a dilapidated apartment building which makes the wood floors, flat-colored interiors, dark blood, black bile, and grey puke all blend into a grimy mess that takes the easiest route possible in a pathetic attempt to be "creepy".  Writer/director Lee Cronin has none of Raimi's gleeful inventiveness or style, yet he shoehorns a barrage of franchise call-backs into the proceedings that create an obnoxious tone along with all of the other by-the-books nonsense.  In other words, it is stupid without being fun.  Hopefully the inevitable batch of sequels will finally go somewhere interesting again, but this one at least stands as a checkpoint in what not to ever do again.

2023 Horror Part Two

BEAU IS AFRAID

Dir - Ari Aster

Overall: GOOD

Say what you want about Ari Aster's latest, longest, and boldest venture into absurdity, but he certainly "goes for it" as it were.  Beau Is Afraid runs for three exhausting hours and is a self-described "Nightmare comedy; a Jewish Lord of the Rings" about an eccentric loner who is just trying to visit his doting mother.  While this sounds simple enough, the resulting film is anything but.  Aster piles on the questions without answering them, unless the audience member is both saintly patient and has as off-the-wall of an imagination as the movie's auteur writer/director does.  While this is no doubt frustrating in many respects, it is also exactly what makes the film such an interesting experience.  Joaquin Phoenix is typically immersive as either the word's worst or most relentlessly unlucky son; overweight, gray, balding, shlubby, and as the title would suggest, is host to a plethora of fears that primarily stem around his birth-giver who likewise may or may not be the world's worst or unluckiest mother.  Assuming that most if not the entirely of the film is "merely' a psychological fever dream that is taking place in Beau's troubled head, it is impossible to land on any solid conclusions.  That said, Aster is not making something that is spoon-fed ready for any viewer, and watching him therapeutically let lose with a hefty budget as well as A-list talent in front of the screen is the stuff that might garnish some aggressive head shakes while simultaneously delighting those who want their genre excursions to take much more wild chances.

COCAINE BEAR

Dir - Elizabeth Banks

Overall: MEH

Expecting anything than what was delivered in Elizabeth Banks' latest directorial effort Cocaine Bear is probably a fool's errand as it banks, (pun intended), on a catchy title, as well as a goofy premise that results in a barely engaging series of checkpoints to get to the credits.  In other words, it kind of sucks.  On the one hand, this might be surprising being distributed by Universal Pictures and having an A-lister behind the lens, as the minimal effort deserves fair comparisons to deliberate anti-classics like Snake's on a Plane or pick your favorite production from The Asylum.  Clearly made on as small of a budget as possible, the simple movie trailer would suffice in saving people ninety-five minutes of sitting through lame jokes, lazy characterizations, monotonous pacing, a cartoon CGI title "monster", and some insulting nonsense about family at the end.  The script is downright embarrassing, missing countless opportunities to go for a wilder tone with such undoubtedly asinine material that could have played up the obviously misleading "based on a true story" tag to more ridiculous heights.  Instead, everything is underwritten and all of the gags stutter and stumble without any sense of what type of movie this is even supposed to be.  It is more bland than bad, which in effect actually makes it that much more bad.

 

THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE BARN
Dir - Magnus Martens
Overall: WOOF

Norwegian director Margnus Martens' mostly English-speaking, R-rated holiday romp There's Something in the Barn comes after a long line of both better and worse movies of a similar ilk.  Fish out of water high-jinks get immediately underway with an American family that inherits a remote estate in Norway, only to get tormented by child-sized garden gnomes.  Said family is made up exclusively of four cliches; the clueless dipshit dad, the cheery stepmom who finally snaps, the smart-ass teenage daughter who constantly mopes about having to move to a new house away from her friends, and the kid brother that no one believes who is the only one to both see and deal with the mischievous thing of the title that is in the barn. Stereotypes abound with the depiction of the locals as well, with "jokes" about lutefisk, every TV channel having nothing but skiing on, Norwegians, (and elves), loving them some alcohol and giving their children wine, etc.  Such lazy tropes would be all fine and good if any of them were remotely amusing, but this is hardly possible with such annoying characters and a point-by-point, derivative plot construction that seems as if it was AI-generated.  Christmas horror movies have long been less than a dime a dozen and the offensively lame Gremlins in Norway Except Elves easily fails to stand-out amongst the horde.

2023 Horror Part One

INFINITY POOL

Dir - Brandon Cronenberg

Overall: GOOD

For his third straight victory lap in a role, Brandon Cronenberg has concocted an unsettling essay on the grossness of weakness and privilege or more to the point, how there is a barely decipherable line between the two.  An international co-production shot in both Croatia and Hungary, Infinity Pool fits right in with Cronenberg's now established modus operandi of shining a stylistic light on some of the uglier aspects of human behavior in a contemporary setting, with science fiction ideas that seem almost palpable to the era that we are living in.  Such technological emphasis is more underplayed here compared to the filmmaker's previous two works as it merely serves as a stepping stone into the exploitation and downfall of Alexander Skarsgård's pathetic, low-rent novelist who gets caught up in a bourgeoisie clientele at an upscale resort that takes deplorable advantage of both him and the third world customs of their setting.  Skarsgård and Mia Goth could not be better, the latter furthering her trajectory as a horror scream queen of the most beloved variety.  Aesthetically, the film is extraordinary with disturbed, acid-cooked visuals and an intoxicatingly dread-fueled tone, so even if the subject matter is too nihilistic for one's tastes, (which is a fair criticism as the movie is anything but an uplifting crowd-pleaser), one cannot deny that Cronenberg has blossomed into a genre auteur to take respectable note of.

 

MISSING

Dir - Will Merrick/Nick Johnson

Overall: MEH

 

The stand-alone sequel to 2018's Searching follows an identical structure which will please those wanting more of the same while slightly disappointing those who are sensitive to redundancy.  Writer/director team Will Merrick and Nick Johnson had worked as editors on the previous film, with Missing serving as their first full-length behind the lens.  Outside of the screenlife gimmick, the main selling point hinges on increasingly rug-pulling twists and in this capacity, the movie is ingeniously plotted to maximize gasps from the audience.  Things cruise along up until a point where similarly to Searching, the plausibility factor is stretched too far, which in all fairness can be seen as an essential part of the fun.  Unfortunately, the final reveal here is disappointing in its nastiness, pushing things into convoluted melodrama that is difficult to take as seriously as intended.  On top of that, the computer screen framework is not utilized as smoothly as before, with the structure indulging in more conventional cinematic tactics than are necessary.  There are still plenty of clever moments here and Storm Reid turns in a wonderful performance in the lead, but the movie ultimately suffers the sequel curse of remaking the first installment while biting off more than it can chew in the route to "go bigger".

CONSECRATION

Dir - Christopher Smith

Overall: MEH

One of director Christopher Smith's more unfocused efforts, Consecration delivers some muddled Catholicism horror despite having an interesting premise and a quality, British-accented lead performance from Jena Malone.  Smith and producer Laurie Cook, (given his first co-writing credit), play the usual card of presenting the church as the bad guys, with devout nuns and Danny Huston's priest going about their own scheme that may or may not be on the up and up, depending on one's point of view.  Unfortunately, the more layers that are unveiled as to the tragic past and supernatural abilities of Malone's character, the more that the script loses its footing.  By trying to deliver the chills with talk of the fallen angel, darkness personified, and a holy/unholy relic, the movie ends up saying not much of anything as it paints everyone in such broad, neutral shades.  It is one of those stories whose mystery is more intriguing than the payoff, which is a common faux pas in a genre that is hellbent on having a profound reveal, even in an ambiguous fashion which is the case here.  Visually though, the Isle of Skye setting is gorgeously presented and Smith finds a way to make a century-old convent unsettling without resorting to cliched, Gothic grime.

2022 Horror Part Twenty-Five

TORN HEARTS

Dir - Brea Grant

Overall: MEH

 

This contemporary psycho-biddy thriller from the Blumhouse Television division takes a stab at revitalizing a throwback genre, but it does so with a modern day sensibility that is dour and straight-faced instead of knowingly campy.  Almost entirely set at a spacious and tacky Nashville mansion that is inhabited by Katey Sagal's Norma Desmond stand-in, Torn Hearts has the right type of production design to examine the usual motifs of showbiz bitterness that comes with advanced age, intensified by sibling rivalry and other cliches that are dished out in the naturally dramatized mythology of the hard-drinking and hard-living, competitive country music scene.  The attention to detail is on point, but issues pervade elsewhere.  Sagal is perfectly cast with the vocal chops and intimidating presence to sell herself as eccentric country music royalty, but she underplays things to a point where the ridiculous script never comes to proper life.  Said screenplay by Rachel Koller Croft is front-to-back implausible with its title duo band, (played by Abby Quinn and Alexxis Lemire, respectively), behaving in insultingly loose and idiotic ways in order to move the hilarious plot forward.  Unfortunately, director Brea Grant never lets us in on such hilariousness, with an icy cold presentation that only highlights the absurd story in place of notifying the audience that we are also supposed to be amused by it.

ROOM 203

Dir - Ben Jagger

Overall: MEH

A Western adaptation of Nanami Kamon's novel of the same name, Room 203 is too hack-ridden in its presentation to impress, but it at least has some decent performances from its two leads.  This is taking into account that their dialog is laughably tripe at worst and just adorably lazy at best, coming off as the kind of stuff written by people who have seen too many horror movies and have their own preconceived notions of what young, single college girls sound like without actually knowing any.  Even worse though is the story itself which has a lame supernatural entity residing in a mysterious hole in a wall that comes to life when somebody puts on a necklace or something.  We also have a dorky asshole landlord that is clearly up to no good, a cute boy who is an aspiring journalist and doomed from the moment that we meet him, plus some ominous glass paintings that lead to looking things up on the internet.  Both Francesca Xuereb and Viktoria Vinyarska give the generic and uninspired material more than it deserves though, coming off as a believable and likeable best friend duo despite the screenwriting's tripe efforts.  Jagger's stylistic approach sticks exclusively to B-movie tactics, (constant jump scare punctuation, constant ominous music, grimy visuals, etc), which merely makes this a competent if forgettable waste of time.

INFLUENCER

Dir - Kurtis David Harder

Overall: MEH

Canadian filmmaker Kurtis David Harder's first American movie Influencer is a topical one that plays off of both the dubious fears of identity manipulation via deepfake technology, as well as the type of detachment that can befall those whose entire persona is predicated on their social media presence.  The former is a comparatively more prevalent theme than the latter, but Harder and Tesh Guttikonda's screenplay has concocted an icy cold villain whose on-going identity theft scheme could be motivated by a jealous need to live through another's internet following and adoration as much as it is propelled by the need to crush such an artificial lifestyle.  Cassandra Naud's antagonist is certainly benefiting from her malicious actions at the cost of others, but there is enough ambiguity here to make this more than just a depressing look into sociopathic tendencies.  This could be seen as either a positive or a negative since the characterizations are undefined to a point that the audience has to fill in the gaps, making it ultimately impossible to have any sympathy for the person that we are stuck with on screen for most of the time.  Not that such sympathy is necessary, and despite some plausibility errors and a mixed bag of an ending, the film hints at more than it spells out in a way that stays intriguing.