2000s Foreign Horror Part Thirteen

FRAGILE

(2005)

Dir - Jaume Balagueró

Overall: MEH

 

While Spanish filmmaker Jaume Balagueró manages to stage a couple unnerving moments in the modestly-budgeted, English-speaking, British co-production Fragile, the end result is detrimentally by-the-books.  Everything down to the textbook, understaffed hospital setting, to kids being told by adults to stop talking about the ghosts they keep seeing, to the female protagonist with a personal agenda keeping her involved, to everyone telling that same female protagonist that she is crazy, to the supernatural mystery at the heart of everything, it is just one narrative trope after the other that have been endlessly used in nearly every last movie like this.  The scares are equally as predictable, which is not helped by endlessly present, stock horror movie music that only takes a break when one or too loud jumps are of course right around the corner.  While this all makes both the story and cinematic presentation unbelievably trite and therefor persistently uninteresting, its a well produced, well photographed film at least.  Calista Flockhart turns in a very solid performance as well, though it is ultimately a shame that it is for such a forgettable and generic genre movie.

 

SILENT HILL

(2006)

Dir - Christophe Gans

Overall: MEH

French filmmaker Christophe Gans' very earnest adaptation of the first Silent Hill video game, (with noticeable nods to the following two in the series), has some effectively creepy moments and bold ideas, yet it is also unmistakably flawed.  Gans was a massive fan of the initial Konami property, aggressively lobbying for the film rights and then spending several years developing the project.  He ultimately settled on Pulp Fiction co-writer Roger Avary of all people to contribute on the script while trying to stay as faithful as possible to the source material.  On that note, this is another example of two different mediums not necessarily cohabitating together very well.  The end result detrimentally feels its length, contains absolutely atrocious dialog, and it all follows a type of video game logic that becomes laughable to those unfamiliar with such things.  As far as creating the type of ominous, thoroughly freaky atmosphere that the first handful of Silent Hill games were lauded for, Gans comes about as close as humanly possible to bringing this to the screen.  In this regard, the movie is a visually frightening triumph, but all the rusted hell dimensions, blaring sirens, twitching monsters, and Pyramid Heads cannot disguise the predominant shortcomings present almost everywhere else.

 

DOGTOOTH

(2009)

Dir - Yorgos Lanthimos

Overall: GREAT

Sinisterly disturbed and deliberately impenetrable are adequate attributes to Yorgos Lanthimos' Dogtooth, a movie that is challenging by most conceivable measures.  Arthouse cinema in general can often times get lost in its own pretentiousness, where certain films seem to exist for the sheer profoundness they bring to the table.  For his third full-length, Lanthimos finds a way to obscure reality from his audience the same way certain characters in it do from their isolated children.  The cinematography is frustratingly off, regularly cropping out places and things in the frame that would normally be focused on.  The dialog is meticulously puzzling in its clinical delivery so that when emotional moments do occur, they seem more darkly humorous in comparison.  Yet the film is neither a comedy or a heavy-handed thought piece on any particular, societal imbalance that is meant to be surreally critiqued.  By making everything so obscure and uncomfortably exclusive, Lanthimos presents an unrelenting, alternate world where the human behavior therein can effect the audience in just as unique a number of ways.  In other words, different people will undoubtedly come to different conclusions when experiencing it, which is often the kind of response that most good, demanding art will produce.

2000s American Horror Part Fourteen

GHOSTS OF MARS
(2001)
Dir - John Carpenter
Overall: WOOF

The movie that burnt John Carpenter out from making movies as he would take a ten year break before making another one, Ghosts of Mars certainly looks the part.  Which is to say that it is a poorly executed mess; Carpenter clearly running on empty at this point.  By 2001, the man had directed fifteen films in less than thirty years and even though it is the follow up to the rather fun Vampires, this one has very little working for it.  Ice Cube is Ice Cube and an otherwise, primarily B-movie cast delivers B-movie performances by spouting embarrassing one-liners.  Though CGI at the time was hardly adequate, there is no denying that the model and practical effects here look equally as poor.  Coupled with the industrial metal soundtrack, yelling aliens, and slow-motion machine-gun battles that seem to take up about half the screen time, there is a straight-to-video quality here that is impossible to deny.  Jason Statham's persistent attempts to get in Natasha Henstridge’s pants grow more and more annoying and all the other attempts at bad-assery would otherwise be worth a chuckle if perhaps the script was stronger.  Carpenter has revisited the theme of humans being overtaken by some malevolent, “alien” force so many times now that it is hardly surprising that it fails to grab our attention under such schlocky circumstances.

 

OPEN WATER

(2003)

Dir - Chris Kentis

Overall: MEH

Hinging solely on a fundamentally terrifying premise, Christ Kentis' Open Water is admirable in its attempt while being primarily laborious to sit though.  A paramount problem is in the visual presentation itself as the movie was shot with digital cameras and has a home movie quality not unlike those from the SOV boom which started in the early 80s.  Unlike the found footage sub-genre of recent times though, Open Water plays itself conventionally with incidental music and proper cinematography, all of which makes the poor visual quality that much more jarring.  While the two person cast does adequate work under the circumstances, neither of their performances are particularly strong.  Such sub-par production qualities ultimately hinder the intentionally stagnant, slow-boil approach where the first act is entirely skippable and everything that follows is far more boring than tense.  Shot on location with real live sharks, it may be of interest for those seeking more authentic details than expected for such a minimally-budgeted film, but a movie cannot get by on its mere concept alone and in that regard, this is a better idea on paper than in realization.

CORALINE

(2009)

Dir - Henry Selick

Overall: GOOD

Another well regarded, stop motion animated work from filmmaker Henry Selick, Coraline is based on Neil Gaiman's novella of the same name.  Gaiman apparently asked Selick personally to adapt the story as he seemed an ideal fit having done The Nightmare Before Christmas and James and the Giant Peach, both of which may as well exist in the same magically-inclined universe as here.  While it still easily fits into the mold of a children's film, the source material and resulting movie present a dark fantasy world where the basic concept of a witch tempting children with "love" only to sew buttons onto their eyes and keep them locked away from their real families is more chilling than such films usually allow.  Visually, this is wonderfully detailed in a grandiose, Tim Burton like fashion with an ever-present, eerily whimsical score by French composer Bruno Coulais that could have just as logically come from Danny Elfman.  The story itself is not filled with too many twists or turns and operates within a common, fairytale type logic that never gets too contorted or creepy to push younger audience members away.  This is not a detriment though as the entire presentation still comes off as highly imaginative and enjoyable, if not necessarily wheel inventing.

2000s American Horror Part Thirteen

VULGAR

(2000)

Dir - Bryan Johnson

Overall: MEH

As the only directorial effort to date from View Askewniverse member and Comic Book Men wise-ass Bryan Johnson, Vulgar is an odd, uncomfortable, ultra-cheap, tonal mess.  While it it clearly meant to be fearless and deranged in its subject matter, Johnson's rookie filmmaking chops certainly confuse things along the way.  He never manages to properly divulge either how funny or deadly serious his film is supposed to be.  The amateur production values are rather akin to a Troma movie, (poor film quality, lousy cinematography, uneven performances), but the presentation never goes quite so comically juvenile or ridiculous.  That said, it certainly gets dark and large portions of the movie are so miserable that it seems to be so for humorous purposes, be it of the disturbed, "I don't know what else to do but laugh at how fucked up this is" variety.  Clerk's Brian O'Halloran makes a sympathetic lead who does not seem capable of catching a break even when he catches a break, Kevin Smith shows up as a gay television executive, Jason Mewes as a shirtless guy who has guns for some reason, and Johnson himself plays a lowlife with a heart of gold and a mouth for reason, yet none of them exude any of their usual silly charm.  Pretty much every other character is just different levels of awful and the whole thing ends with more of a whimper than a bang.

 

CABIN FEVER

(2002)

Dir - Eli Roth

Overall: MEH

Eli Roth's full-length debut Cabin Fever is an equal parts derivative and staggeringly obnoxious, juvenile gore-fest and rather unapologetically so.  Ever since the slasher heyday of the 1980s, it has been a well-established cliche to load your horror movie with one mind-numbingly annoying character after the other so the audience has no choice but to wish a slow, painful death on all of them.  Such is assuredly the case here where a group of stereotypically horrible, horny, foul-mouthed college kids square-off against almost equally unlikable rednecks.  Throw a ravenous dog in there, a hillbilly kid who likes to bite people because it is supposed to be funny, and an infectious disease that makes everyone's body break out in gross rashes as they puke blood on everything and your movie is served.  It is all loud, squishy, and stupid while rather blatantly calling back to numerous, much more lauded horror outings in a pretty obvious way.  Though it does not fall into the deplorable torture porn genre which Roth would unfortunately help popularize with his following Hostel films, it is a tonal misfire in every capacity and still highly unenjoyable in its own right.

 

BLOOD CREEK

(2009)

Dir - Joel Schumacher

Overall: MEH

The last proper horror movie from Joel Schumacher Blood Creek offers up a sufficiency bloody hodgepodge of occult, vampire, and zombie tropes.  The always busy filmmaker stays current with dizzying, handheld camerawork, masculine, tough guy posturing, opaque cinematography, splattery CGI gore, obnoxiously aggressive sound design, and a pacing the cruises by at such a rate as to lose the audience from time to time.  The script by David Kajganich, (the Suspiria remake, The Terror television series), makes a genuine attempt at creepiness by fusing vague, Norse occultism with an immortal, Nazi monster villain played by the consistently excellent Michael Fassbender who is here rendered unrecognizable under grotesque makeup.  The dialog is quite corny to say the least and all of it is delivered with the utmost, dire sincerity.  Schumacher's presentation is loud and boisterous, resembling a big, dumb action movie even as the tone stays consistently dark.  The result is perhaps too unintentionally schlocky to work as it becomes quite impossible to take the movie anywhere as seriously as the people in it are.

The Hellboy Series

HELLBOY

(2004)

Dir - Guillermo del Toro

Overall: GOOD

 

After delivering two less than ideal director-for-hire jobs in Hollywood, Guilermo del Toro finally got to make his long in the works, mega-budgeted adaptation of Mike Mignola's Hellboy.  As personal as Cronos or The Devil's Backbone before it, del Toro's stylized take on the bizarre comic book title is rather well-fitting for the material.  Themes and subtext of father/son dynamics, embracing one's inner outsider, unconditional love, religious alignment, and destiny vs choice, it is far more complex and dynamic that most superhero films allow.  That said, the structure is still quite conventional and the PG-13 rating gets a bit irksome at regular intervals where higher amounts of blood and profanity would have helped to make it both more entertaining and grounded.  Not that the film is going for realism mind you nor should it, but when characters get chomped to pieces by vicious, Lovecraftian demons with little-to-no gore and Hellboy chooses to constantly censor himself by saying "damn" or "crap" instead of "shit" or "fuck", it inescapably gives off the feeling of trying to offend as few people as possible.  These are nitpicks though for a movie that primarily works due to excellent production values, performances, and story construction, all of which ultimately matter most.

HELLBOY: SWORD OF STORMS

(2006)

Dir - Phil Weinstein

Overall: GOOD

Serving as both the first tie-in animation film in the Hellboy series as well as a direct sequel to the 2004, live action film, Hellboy: Sword of Storms is a collaboration between original creator Mike Mignola, fellow comic book writer Matt Wayne, Disney animator Tad Stones, and director Phil Weinstein.  It also brings back Doug Jones, Selma Blair, and Ron Perlman reprising their respected roles in the leads and also providing Jones to do his own voice over work as the actor was unofficially dubbed by David Hyde Pierce in the initial film.  The story revolves around ancient Japanese demons trapped in a katana, dimensional travel, slumbering dragons, and a whole slew of other supernatural mysticism that serves the animated format here quite well.  Though the set pieces are clever and the script keeps the action going with some well-placed humor thrown in for good measure, it also gets a bit monotonous.  Hellboy himself spends the entire film fighting off monster after monster that comes after him, all with his trusty blade.  Meanwhile, the third act features a battle with a giant sea beast that quickly results in a stalemate.  There is also no character development whatsoever, which was the dominant factor in the previous movie.  Still, as a fun detour which was clearly the intention, it is tastefully done.

HELLBOY: BLOOD AND IRON

(2007)

Dir - Victor Cook
Overall: GOOD

The second animated installment in the Hellboy series which simultaneously serves as a prequel to the initial live action film, Hellboy: Blood and Iron pits the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense against vampires, werewolves, harpies, ghosts, and a giant, darkness-dwelling stone goddess.  The framework is rather ambitious as the film bounces between present day and reverse-chronological flashbacks which end up setting up the events of the initial, Guillermo del Toro-helmed movie.  Referencing ancient, Greek mythology as well as the legend of Countess Elizabeth Báthory, (here taking the form of the undead baddie Erzebet Ondrushko), the story throws plenty of literary, supernatural ingredients into the mix.  These are balanced quite well by all of the characters getting a chance to square-off against different monsters in many an action scene.  As far as the title character goes, Hellboy almost plays a supporting role and spends the last act smashing and getting smashed through walls while flinging his demon fists at the snake goddess Hecate.  It is also a plus that the cast is all back once gain, with the extra bonus of John Hurt reprising his role as Professor Trevor Bruttenholm.

HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY

(2008)

Dir - Guillermo del Toro

Overall: GOOD

 

A standard sequel in all proper respects, Guillermo del Toro's Hellboy II: The Golden Army features an original, collaborative story between he and creator Mike Mignola that works off of folklore, clockwork monsters, and the director's persistent themes of misunderstood outcasts and love conquering all.  Comparatively, the heartfelt, character-driven core here takes a bit of a backseat to relentless visual flair.  This is more true for the first two acts which let the already established characters play a supporting role in set piece after set piece of dazzling and inventive production and creature design.  Most impressive of all perhaps is that the final act remains just as creatively stunning as the rest of the film while simultaneously being the most emotionally engaging.  The plot structure is pretty textbook with a few convenient maneuvers thrown in there to propel things along, but del Toro is such a visually captivating storyteller that his unique creation here is just endlessly engaging.  It is as strong as the first film, helped along once again by committed and funny performances top to bottom.  The only downside can be that it ends on a bittersweet note as nothing further came of this initial series since studio finances dried up and all parties involved then moved on to other projects.  Its never too late of course to revisit, but even if this stands as the official coda, better to leave them wanting more.

1990s American Horror Part Twenty-Four

GREMLINS 2: THE NEW BATCH

(1990)

Dir - Joe Dante

Overall: GREAT

One of the most gleefully silly horror sequels ever made, Gremlins 2: The New Batch quite successfully ups the comedy to the point of pretty exclusively being, well, comedic.  With a handful of the cast returning, (including leads Zach Galligan and Phoebe Cates), as well as director Joe Dante who was given a triple-sized budget and complete creative control from Warner Bros., the result is a deliberate satire on everything from frozen yogurt, to cooking shows, to technological advancements, to movie sequels in general.  Dante and screenwriter Charles S. Haas's script is ludicrous in a Looney Tunes type fashion, (it is no accident that Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck open the film), but it is also nearly perfectly structured.  There are oodles of Easter eggs and meta references scattered throughout and just about every supporting performance is from a recognizable face.  Rick Baker's more dynamic creature design gives way to an endless array of inventive puppets, famously including a female gremlin, an intellectual gremlin, a vegetable gremlin, and a spider gremlin to name but a few.  It is both arguably better than its predecessor and as strong a contender as any for Dante's finest hour behind the lens.

THE PROPHECY

(1995)

Dir - Gregory Widen

Overall: GOOD

 

Thus far the lone, full-length directorial effort from Highlander and Backdraft screenwriter Gregory Widen is The Prophecy; an adequately ambitious "war in heaven" thriller that spawned an increasingly less interesting franchise.  Led by a perfectly cast Christopher Walken as the sinister archangel Gabriel, most of the film's viewability revolves around his effortlessly quirky and eerie performance.  Elsewhere, Eric Stolz, Virginia Madsen, Elias Koteas, and Viggo Mortensen as Lucifer himself add some further respectability to the proceedings.  Widen's version of such frequented, Biblical source material offers up some nifty details, particularly how the angels prefer perching to sitting, can suck out and transfer souls, and carry themselves convincingly as if they have eons of all-knowing history amongst them.  As often seriously as the story is presented, the conventional structure gets a bit silly at times with some ham-fisted dialog and plot inconsistencies.  For the most part though, both the accidental schlock and well-intended humor remain entertaining enough with all the other fun aspects firmly in place.

QUICKSILVER HIGHWAY

(1997)

Dir - Mick Garris

Overall: MEH

Mick Garris was all over the small screen in May of 1997 with The Shining miniseries dropping on ABC a mere week before yet another of his Stephen King adaptations in Quicksilver Highway premiered on Fox.  Comprised of two stories, (one, "Chattery Teeth" by King and the other, "The Body Politic" by Clive Barker), Garris initially proposed a horror anthology series which was rejected outright by studio executives.  Fox eventually came on board for a stand-alone television film, at which point original director John McTiernan stepped down and Garris went from screenwriter to being behind the lens as well.  Featuring a positively hammy performance from Christopher Lloyd as the linking Crypt Keeper Aaron Quicksilver, each segment is typically generic.  Typical in the sense that Garris' directorial work is rarely poor, but also just as rarely memorable.  Once again tampered by the censored network TV format, the stories are given a goofy yet flat presentation.  Considering that one is about a child's toy coming to life and biting its victims and the other is about people's hands leading a revolution against their human bodies while talking in cute goblin voices to each other, perhaps some fault lies with the source material itself.  Still, Barker and King's writings certainly do not read this silly and perhaps are simply not suited for primetime.

1990s American Horror Part Twenty-Three

THE GUARDIAN
(1990)
Dir - William Friedkin
Overall: MEH

 

On paper, The Guardian is notable as being William Friedkin's full-length return to horror, his first go at it since making the most lauded film of all time in the genre with The Exorcist.  Judging by this movie's relative obscurity and lukewarm at best reputation, obviously it is remarkably feeble in comparison.  Part of the reason may be that Friedkin only came on board after Sam Raimi dropped out to make Darkman, Raimi having previously constructed it as a part comedy as he is wont to do.  The end result here bares no such qualities, at least intentionally.  Another issue could be the production problems and on-set script reworkings, further muddling the affair.  Friedkin pulls off some jump scares and goes for nudity and nasty gore once or twice, but any attempted atmosphere is botched by a bland, TV movie-esque presentation.  Wooden and/or hammy performances, obvious ADR readings, and pedestrian dialog give it an unintended camp quality, which is unfortunately about the only "compliment" the movie really deserves.  It is probably best just to forget this one was made and move on accordingly.

 

CANDYMAN 2: FAREWELL TO THE FLESH

(1995)

Dir - Bill Condon

Overall: MEH

The second theatrically released film from director Bill Condon as well as the second installment in the Candyman series, Candyman 2: Farewell to the Flesh is a typically unsatisfying sequel.  The story switches everything from Cabrini-Green Chicago to New Orleans and plays upon similar, impoverished racial conflicts as well as classicism.  Sadly, it does this in a far less clever and engrossing way than the first film did, using its Cajun setting more for accented gumbo and Mardi Gras references than anything substantially potent. This is empathized by an obnoxious radio personality narration that comes up nearly every time there is a location change.  Condon makes the movie a schlocky, loud mess, criminally indulging in what feels like hundreds of jump scares, each one of which is accompanied by a deafeningly loud screechy noise.  The only moments of silence are right before such boisterous cliche abuse as Philip Glass' choir-heavy score barely ever shuts up as well.  Campy and rushed with a script that is pedestrian at best and nonsensical at worst, it makes the all too common mistake that half-baked horror films do.  This is that it plays itself way too dark and serious to justify its many ridiculous attributes.

THE CRAFT
(1996)
Dir - Andrew Fleming

Overall: MEH

 

Hot Topic - The Movie...I mean The Craft was one of a handful of teenage-centered horror films produced in the 1990s.  Similar to how Joel Schumacher made vampires undeniably hip nine years earlier with The Lost Boys, director Andrew Fleming attempts the same thing with witches here.  He essentially achieves this, at least in a schlocky, B-movie type way.  The script by Fleming and Peter Filardi is rather predictable and plays on the standard "high school outsiders" cliches long established for such films.  It also does not treat its supernatural magic any more or less seriously than say Buffy the Vampire Slayer would, per obvious example.  As far as the cast is concerned, this and Scream released the same year arguably solidified Neve Campbell as the decade's premier scream queen, (no pun intended), but Fairuza Balk and her textbook, Goth-girl features make the most naturally sinister of the four leads.  Besides the conventional structure which is easy to only half pay attention to, a bigger drawback is the awful alt-pop soundtrack that gets off to such a start with one of the worst Beatles covers ever done in Our Lady Peace's "Tomorrow Never Knows".  The clear feminism angle is charming enough and there are some fun, dark set pieces scattered throughout, so as an occasionally inconsistent bit of Gen X camp, it suffices.

9019s American Horror Part Twenty-Two

ARMY OF DARKNESS

(1992)

Dir - Sam Raimi

Overall: MEH

The tone shift to full-tilt, aggressively schlock-fueled comedy was complete with Sam Raimi's third Evil Dead installment Army of Darkness.  For those lamenting the genuinely creepy, DIY aesthetics of The Evil Dead uno, this film exists in a completely different universe as well as a completely different historical setting.  At least Raimi built up to such an about-face with the purposely more ridiculous semi-remake The Evil Dead 2 and there can be no mistaking right out of the gate here that bombastic chuckles are solely on the menu.  The humor is certainly an acquired taste, mainly striving on being purposely stupid and exclusively campy.  Bruce Campbell thrives in such a setting, making Ash Williams a yelling, falling down, live-action cartoon character.  From the director's chair, this may be the most Sam Raimi Sam Raimi has ever gotten.  Using his eleven million dollar budget like a caffeine-ridden kid who just got access to his parent's credit card, he goes all out with (occasionally) dated special effects, frantic camera work, medieval fantasy cliches duking it out with each other, and deafening sound design and musical accompaniment.  Though it attempts to be far funnier than it ever gets, it remains essential viewing for anyone jonesing for an R-rated, Looney Tunes version of Jason and the Argonauts.

THINNER

(1996)

Dir - Tom Holland

Overall: MEH

 

Though not as awful as its reputation dictates, Tom Holland's adaptation of Stephen King's Thinner is a downer of a movie that simultaneously indulges in some unintended schlock at times.  Co-scripted by Michael McDowell of Beetlejuice fame, the film has the usual King issue of the premise being stronger than the cinematic execution.  Watching an obese man's body slowly deteriorate due to a gypsy curse does not consistently come off as creepy as it should and often gives way to goofy moments and campy performances.  Robert John Burke is one such uneven casualty of this and Joe Mantegna's crime boss Richie "The Hammer" Ginelli is Fat Tony down to a tee.  The film's biggest issue though is its victimizing main character Billy Halleck whose physical transformation never results in any sort of personal growth.  He is unlikable from the get go and the dark ending slams home such unlikability.  King's initial novel is somewhat to blame for this anti-arc, but the tone Tom Holland sets seems aimed at garnishing sympathy for a self-absorbed narcissist who ultimately deserves none.  Yet if the end result was to present a story where almost everyone in it is different levels of horrible and then balancing that with both macabre and tongue-in-cheek aesthetics, Thinner can be seen as a success.

TERROR FIRMER

(1999)

Dir - Lloyd Kaufman

Overall: GOOD

Troma goes meta with Terror Firmer, a film shamelessly celebrating the production and distribution company.  Directed by Troma founder Lloyd Kaufman and co-written by James Gunn, the premise of a sexually deranged serial killer terrorizing a D-rent movie set allows for endless in-house references to The Toxic Avenger, Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D., and Tromeo and Juliet.  Kaufman plays a blind version of himself and as usual, all other mental and physical handicaps are properly and tastelessly made fun of.  Puss, snot, piss, diarrhea, puke, gay and trans jokes, rape and molestation jokes, innuendos, a punk or metal song playing in nearly every scene, preposterous gore, male and female nudity, inappropriate appearances by actual children, and overall juvenile stupidity check off all the Troma boxes.  In its own ridiculous way, the movie seems to be spoofing filmmaking pretentiousness.  It is certainly no accident that the quest of Kaufman's blind director is to jokingly make some sort of art out of trash and that his attempts are routinely thwarted in doing so.  Mostly though, it is all about laugh out loud moments like a Seinfeld sitcom segment, Lemmy appearing as a news reporter, and most hilarious of all, a fat guy with bandages around his head running around naked in Manhattan.