2000s American Horror Part Eighteen

QUEEN OF THE DAMNED

(2002)

Dir - Michael Rymer

Overall: MEH

The largely mangled and forgotten Queen of the Damned is indeed an enormously dated bit of Hot Topic schlock, but at least it manages to not get a hundred percent of its proponents completely wrong.  Serving as a B-movie stand-alone sequel to Neil Jordan and author Anne Rice's top-notch Interview with the Vampire, Rice's persistent attempts to be involved in the follow-up were rejected by those who ultimately put it into production.  Largely because of this, the story here only hits a few bullet points from the source material and vaguely at that.  The rushed and choppy amalgam of the title novel and The Vampire Lestat, (books two and three in Rice's Vampire Chronicles), is hardly the biggest issue though.  Director Michael Rymer's approach to the material is to crank up the camp to parody levels and let every scene play out like a Saturday Night Live sketch that is tearing Goth culture a new asshole.  Johnathan Davis' voice seems laughably inappropriate for Stuart Townsend's endlessly smirking Lestat, but the nu metal approach to the character as rock star makes sense for the era.  What other genre would a vampire embark on in 2002, indie rock punk revival ala The Strokes?  Of course the movie is mostly infamous for being the last project that Aaliyah was involved in and though she clearly could have went out with something more redeemable, she does make a solid, hammy, and immortal villain.

CURSED

(2005)

Dir - Wes Craven

Overall: WOOF

 

The much botched Cursed has been largely disowned by many of the parties involved and for solid reasons.  Two and a half years in production, three different versions were filmed, with the final PG-13, CGI werewolfed one being universally regarded as the most craptacular.  Writer/director team Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson essentially attempt a hip, lycanthropian version of Scream that is ten times more lame.  Most of the blame lies at the feet of studio executives though who kept demanding re-writes, re-shoots, and re-casting while dumping more money in some areas while cutting costs in others.  Firing Stan Winston of all legends from creating the practical werewolf effects should be grounds enough to have one's union card permanently revoked and indeed, the film's cartoony visuals are pathetically realized.  Most of the cast has a difficult time taking the material seriously, not that anyone could blame them.  Joshua Jackson in particular hardly ever disguises the smirk on his face, and the schlock is pilled on plenty thick everywhere else.  Throw in some B-rent celebrity cameos and an awful soundtrack, (Bowling for Soup's suicide-induing version of "Li'l Red Riding Hood" anyone?), and yes, this should be avoided at all costs.

THE STRANGERS

(2008)

Dir - Bryan Bertino

Overall: MEH

There is a better movie lurking somewhere in writer/director Bryan Bertino's debut The Strangers; a flawed effort that subverts several cliches while painfully sticking to others.  Bertino had originally sold the script rights to Universal after submitting his screenplay into a contest, getting the chance to get behind the lens as well once several directors eventually bowed out.  There are one or two excellent moments here, (particularly the first glimpse we get of one of the masked title characters who is creeping out of focus in the background with no obnoxious screechy noise on the soundtrack to usher in his arrival), and the first act establishes a foreboding mood that is much appropriate.  As things go on though, it becomes a combination of the bad guys being incredibly lucky and the victims being incredibly dumb.  Here lies the biggest problem in that an initially grounded set-up gives way to the worst kind of predictability where we are yelling at the movie instead of being taken up by what should be an intense series of set pieces.  It becomes a tiresome exercise in the process that is not as captivating as its "horror through random violence and isolated location" premise.

2000s American Horror Part Seventeen

THE CELL

(2000)

Dir - Tarsem Singh
Overall: GOOD

 

The full-length debut from music video director Tarsem Singh and screenwriter Mark Protosevich, The Cell takes a visually ambitious, surreal route in its FBI procedural framework.  Literally diving into the mind of a schizophrenic killer through virtual reality neuroscience, thankfully a great deal of the film takes place in the fantastically designed bizzaro world which is inspired by various, evocative artworks.  The production is top-notch in this regard and Singh makes ideal use out of the hefty budget with something that both Alejandro Jodorowsky and Salvador Dali would probably be proud of.  As far as the actual story goes, it does not hold up to the exceptional, tripped-out sequences of course, but it serves its purpose in a more conventional sense.  Vincent D'Onofrio is not the most unique of cinema's deranged psycho killers, but his performance is still plenty captivating and A-listers Jennifer Lopez and Vince Vaughan are likewise sufficient in less showy roles.  Gorgeous and disturbing to look at in equal measures, everything else holds together well enough to recommend it.

THE CALL OF CTHULHU

(2005)

Dir - Andrew Leman

Overall: MEH

 

A charming labor of love if not an altogether flawless endeavor, The Call of Cthulhu is the first cinematic adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's most famous literary work done as a throwback silent film by the Historical Society that bares the author's name.  Cheaply and independently financed, there is great attention to detail in the presentation which calls upon German Expressionism most noticeably, featuring atmospheric cinematography, exaggerated performances, costumes, and makeup of the era.  It also utilizes various, more modern filmmaking techniques that break the retro spell throughout.  In this regard, the movie never quite feels like an authentic work from the 1920s as it is missing that hand-cranked camera aesthetic and relies on certain editing techniques and shots that were nowhere to be found in such a period.  Tossing such minor criticisms aside though, the often presumed "unfilmable" story indeed does not quite work within such a framework as Lovecraft's specific blend of unexplainable madness is limited by the production values.  The musical score is certainly a highlight though as is the admirable agenda here, so it is easily worth taking a look at for curiosity's sake if anything else.

ZOMBIELAND

(2009)

Dir - Ruben Fleischer

Overall: GOOD

Taking a page directly out of the Shaun of the Dead playbook with rapid speed flesh-eaters directly out of 28 Days Later, Zombieland surprisingly squeezes a little bit of worthwhile life from the problematically over-saturated sub-genre.  The first feature from music video director Ruben Fleischer with a spec script by Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, it quickly makes a point to poke fun at stereotypes associated with such movies as Jesse Eisenberg's ever expanding list of "rules" for surviving the zombie apocalypse covers the usual dos and especially dont's that we usually see.  Once Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin join the proceedings, there is just enough character development to make everyone likeable as the actual plot introduces no conventional "villains", just a series of amusing set pieces with a conventional, be-it self-mocking "coming of age" slant.  The R rating is appreciated more for the occasional profanity than the gore, plus quirky details like Harrelson's aggressive search for Twinkies, Eisenberg's fear of everything, and of course Bill Murray's cameo are pretty irresistibly charming.

2000s American Horror Part Sixteen

MAY

(2002)

Dir - Lucky McKee

Overall: GREAT

 

The first feature May from writer/director Lucky McKee is quite an exceptional one; a disturbed look at severe loneliness and mental illness that also manages to be incredible touching.  The sad, troubled arc of Angela Bettis's title character hinges on her fantastic performance which garnishes nothing but sympathy from the audience.  Born with a lazy eye to an anal-retentive mother, May grows up utterly friendless and with the social skills of a confused toddler, her behavior gives way to eccentricities that only intensify as her "rough couple of days" wield increasingly heartbreaking results.  By the time she inevitable snaps and temporarily gains a level of confidence that was previously unimaginable, we the viewer know at least in part what is coming and feel for her that much more, even as mayhem ensues.  It is a tricky, gradual maneuver to pull off and McKee does it with nothing but sincerity and respect, even as darkly comedic moments and a lighthearted indie soundtrack give it a quirky tone that only seems to desperately mask the very concerning nature underneath it all.

POP SKULL
(2007)
Dir - Adam Wingard
Overall: WOOF
 
For his sophomore effort Pop Skull, director Adam Wingard teams back up with screenwriter/producer/actor E. L. Katz and is still stuck with a minuscule budget as he was with Home Sick from earlier in the year, but the tone is more relentlessly dour than the idiotic buffoonery that was interjected in his awful, aforementioned debut.  Unfortunately, the quality is just as rough though as the story focuses on Lane Hughes' obnoxiously self-loathing, pill-addicted loser who is simultaneously going through a break-up and suffering from supernatural hallucinations.  He is surrounded by other people with insufficient acting abilities as well, with Brandon Carroll playing someone that is even more insufferably annoying than Hughes' crybaby protagonist.  The film opens with an epilepsy warning that is justified considering how many sequences indulge in such an artsy strobing effect, but these and many other meandering montages cannot hide the vapid story and piss-pour production qualities.  It is a noble effort of sorts considering how meager of a project it is, but it is also miserable and aimless, still coming off like an ugly, pretentious, terribly-shot, poor-man's art film.

SEVENTH MOON

(2008)

Dir - Eduardo Sánchez

Overall: MEH

 

For his third full-length, (and second solo effort behind the lens), director Eduardo Sánchez still manages to concoct a bone-chilling atmosphere and some highly freaky ideas, but the presentation is disastrous.  Seventh Moon taps into the Buddhist "Hungry ghost" concept of the dead coming back to ferocious life during a macabre holiday tradition.  The foreign setting that our newly married couple are honeymooning in proves to be a positively eerie place once the sun sets and miles upon miles of desolate landscape surround them.  Outside of an opening title sequence, the movie gets right to the spookiness which turns into a relentless series of set pieces up until the credits roll.  While this all sounds promising, Sánchez makes the absolutely detrimental mistake of shooting the entire film in a shaky cam, extreme close-up, unlit, hyper-edited style that makes it almost literally impossible to decipher what is happening within even a single frame.  At least found footage, (which Sánchez popularized in his iconic debut The Blair Witch Project), scales the camera back and lets the audience get their footing at regular intervals.  Here though, it just bulldozes in a claustrophobic, maddening manor to the point of being unwatchable.  Whether it was done for budgetary reasons or in a deliberate attempt to create a panicked ambiance, the movie is ruined all the same.

2000s American Horror Part Fifteen

THE RING

(2002)

Dir - Gore Verbinski

Overall: GOOD

An influential American remake of a contemporary J-horror film which spawned many others in its wake, The Ring is comparatively less effective than its predecessor though still conventionally appealing.  Plot wise, it is practically a scene for scene copy of Hiroshi Takahashi's original version, though Ehren Kruger's script changes almost all of the details surrounding the backstory of that creepy kid with the long black hair who crawls out of a well.  While said details are interchangeable with the Takahashi's movie and serve the same dramatic purpose, Gore Verbinski's direction adheres to several silly tropes that would only continue to get overplayed, especially on the Western side of the Atlantic.  The blue and muted color pallet, a moody kid who speaks cryptically for no reason, several other characters who speak cryptically for no reason, characters talking out loud to themselves so the audience does not get confused, etc.  The source material is already borderline silly as it is, so this becomes more noticeable with the dumbed-down approach here.  Even with its minor flaws in place, the production is slick, plus the mystery is both engaging as well as creepy enough to suffice.

PLANET TERROR

(2007)

Dir - Robert Rodriguez

Overall: GOOD

The superior entry out of Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's shamelessly throwback Grindhouse collaboration, Planet Terror is a gleefully ridiculous and disgusting walking corpse action movie that plays its highly illogical details for endless chuckles.  Rodriguez came up with the idea for a zombie film almost a decade prior and meant to finish it before the boom for such movies started to make them redundant.  A high-octane exploitation film that takes quite a lot of advantage out of digital effects and rapid-fire editing, it still serves the purpose of he and Tarantino's old school, double-feature project due to deliberate stylistic choices such as zoom cuts, schlocky dialog, a missing reel, and the almost distractingly scratchy faux-film print.  B-movie regulars as well as A-listers co-mingle on screen and they all treat the material accordingly, meaning just serious enough to be quite hilarious.  Mostly though, this is an irresistibly entertaining series of over the top, splattery set pieces, culminating in Rose McGowan's go-go dancer with a machine gun that miraculously fires endless rounds of ammunition while attached to her amputated leg.

THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL

(2009)

Dir - Ti West

Overall: MEH

 

While independent filmmaker Ti West's second venture into unabashed horror The House of the Devil is a noticeably more accomplished effort than his debut The Roost, it is nevertheless a crystal clear case of enormously poor plotting sinking a work that otherwise is brooding with potential.  Set in the early 1980s, it is a stylistic throwback to the genre movies of that era, with retro fonts and freeze-frames, camera zooms, and a musical score all delivering nods and winks to a bygone era.  The film opens with a tongue-in-cheek "based on true events" proclamation as well, setting the stage for the Satanic panic references.  West takes a comically long time to get to the good stuff as it were, though he throws in a few jolts to keep the viewer on edge before things finally get underway in the last twenty minutes.  The completely illogical steps to get there are unforgivable though considering that there would be no movie at all if the villainous characters did not concoct such an absolutely unnecessary and cockamamie scheme.  When eighty percent of your movie is a menace-inducing build up that proves one-hundred percent pointless, the entire fabric of the production collapses.  This is a shame since there is a fun, diabolical idea at a core level here, plus West has enough directorial skill to take notice of, but his screenwriting gets a solid F.

2000s British Horror Part Seven

MY LITTLE EYE

(2002)

Dir - Marc Evans

Overall: MEH

 

A problematic found footage styled movie from British filmmaker Marc Evans, My Little Eye borrows and ultimately squanders the "Big Brother" premise utilized in Kolobos from three years prior.  It can be argued that the primary draw of found footage is in conveying a form of mock-realism that conventional, cinematically inclined films are unable to have.  Here though, Evans decides to exclusively rely on an endless stream of wall-mounted cameras, slowing down and zooming into certain shots while standard scary music plays quite frequently on the soundtrack.  This essentially blows the entire point of presenting it in such a way.  While this faux-pas could be forgiven if the actual content was enticing, such is not entirely the case.  The mystery is upheld well enough for awhile, with creepy details getting gradually dropped in there which lead to something inevitably sinister taking place.  David Hilton and James Watkins' script is left too vague though as we jump right into things without fully understanding enough of not only the situation but the characters themselves who seem either idiotic, underwritten, or both.  This sloppiness transfers over into the half-baked, twisty finale as well, which is probably the most disappointing aspect of all.

 

CREEP

(2004)

Dir - Christopher Smith

Overall: MEH

A modern day reworking of Gary Sherman's 1972 film Death Line, Creep is overall inconsistent yet not without some effective moments.  Set in the London Underground rapid transit system, the location is ideally frightening in its vastness and filthiness with Smith teasing at a disturbing, enigmatic world underneath.  As is usually the case, the first act sets up everything in an appropriately enticing manner, yet a series of "dumb people in horror movies" nonsense plus monotony and various other cliches ultimately sink the ship.  Vague, unanswered clues to Sean Harris' nasty, super-human title character give him an ominous aura of mystery, but when he keeps springing back to life and predictably snatching his victims after Franka Potente's protagonist fails to properly finish him off when she has the chance is just a lazy, hack-job route to take on Smith's part.  That said, there are a few genuine surprises along the way which elevate it above something merely bog-standard for such a genre film.  These instances are not really enough to carry things through as the movie gradually runs out of gas though, but it might please the more forgiving viewer who is in the mood for something properly unsettling.

TORMENTED

(2009)

Dir - Jon Wright

Overall: WOOF

One would have hoped that the horror genre could have permanently retired the despicable "A picked-on kid back for revenge against high school bullies" slasher film long before Jon Wright inexplicably decided to contribute yet another entry to it with Tormented.  Wright and screenwriter Stephen Prentice slightly approach such mind-numbingly cliched crap from a dark comedy angle with a few outrageous death scenes and the like, yet it still boils down to a predictably boring waiting game for unrepentingly horrible characters to get their comeuppance.  Setting up everyone to be so incredibly unlikable that their ultimate demise brings applause from the audience is obviously the appeal, but when every interaction between them simply reinforces lazy high school bully tropes ad nauseum, it inadvertently ends up being as miserable of a viewing experience as torture porn.  Even with some jokes thrown in, the performances and tone are oddly far more serious than the hackneyed material deserves.  So for anyone simply looking for an updated version with CGI blood splatter and cell phones of Slaughter High, Prom Night, Horror High, The Redeemer...Son of Satan!, Carrie, and god knows how many others, knock yourself out.

2000s British Horror Part Six

SHAUN OF THE DEAD

(2004)

Dir - Edgar Wright

Overall: GREAT

 

Easily the best zombie comedy since Peter Jackson's gore benchmark Brain Dead, Shaun of the Dead arrived smack during the sub-genre's resurgence, supplying a much needed breather from all of the typical tropes that were once again being played out to death.  Co-writer/director Edgar Wright and co-writer/star Simon Pegg conceived of the idea while working on Spaced and several of their own personal anecdotes were tapped into for inspiration along with various nods to George Romero's works, the Resident Evil game series, Queen, and plenty of other stuff.  While perhaps the "easier" route could have been making a straight parody of zombie films, Wright's stylized, energetic direction, the incredibly tight script, and the overarching theme of reclaiming one's priorities after a devastating misfortune, (like a walking corpse apocalypse), elevate this far above mere spoof territory.  The performances are not only hilarious yet genuinely moving when they are supposed to be with Pegg in the lead being particularly multi-layered and terrific.  It is a movie that reveals far more depth and intricacy in its details upon further viewings, all after the initial, memorable hi-jinks have properly done their part.

DREAD

(2009)

Dir - Anthony DiBlasi

Overall: WOOF

 

An adaptation of Clive Barker's short story of the same name, Dread adheres to the basic theme of overcoming one's fears, yet as far as the plot is concerned, it diverges rather significantly and detrimentally.  While the narrative elaboration is acceptable on paper, the jacked-up psychopath re-working of the Quaid character breaks any potential plausibility rather quickly in such a context.  In Barker's initial story, Quaid's warped sadism was gradually explored via a single, prolonged incident and the author pulled it off without an unnecessary build-up, something that made it work in such a context.  Here though, the addition of several characters and turning the source material's plot into a mere vignette at the tail end of the film inadvertently causes things to collapse.  Said antagonist exhibits such alarmingly unlikable behavior from the get go that his inevitable, villainous turn is blatantly obvious and therefor why anyone on screen chooses to have anything at all to do with him in the first place is quite preposterous.  Worse yet, the tone becomes pure torture porn, ending on a miserably pointless note that is likely to please absolutely no one while madding absolutely everyone.  Maybe that was the point but if so, no thank you.

 

WAKE WOOD

(2009)

Dir - David Keating

Overall: MEH

The first theatrical release from Hammer Film Production's relaunch, Wake Wood is a halfway decent Pet Sematary via folk horror hybrid that stumbles a bit too much along the way.  A British/Irish co-production that was shot in both Ireland and Scottland, writer/director David Keating goes for an grounded mood, with handheld camerawork, unassuming cinematography, and a plentiful amount of filthy/squishy blood, guts, and other things.  It all looks a bit on the low-budget, digital camera end though which is something that cuts into the atmospherics.  Script-wise, not enough plausibility is established to make Aidan Gillen and Eva Birthistle both going along with the bizarre pagan rituals of the locals seem anything but rushed at best, borderline ridiculous at worst.  The supernatural specifics are fine for such a story, yet the plot unfolds rather predictably with lost potential along the way to make its more sincere themes and creepy backdrop work effectively together.  A noble attempt yes from all parties involved that does not allow for any schlocky insults to muck everything up, (plus the throwback elements are respectfully done), so it is a mediocre if forgivable entry to be sure.

2000s British Horror Part Five

28 DAYS LATER

(2002)

Dir - Danny Boyle

Overall: MEH

 

Commercially successful as well as influential, director Danny Boyle and screenwriter Alex Garland's collaboration 28 Days Later significantly contributed to the rise of zombie films in the 21st century.  While the ensuing trend of ravenous, running corpses in a post apocalyptic setting would quickly give way to over-saturation, this particular entry was at least exciting if still narratively flawed.  Each act delivers diminishing results, as it starts off strong with some impressive and desolate footage of London, plus a small crop of characters garnishing a little hope for themselves.  Unfortunately, things fall apart just past the halfway point once the small, crazed military operation resorts to repopulating the human species via raping women within only after a handful of weeks since the outbreak.  This odious and nihilistic turn of events stops the momentum in its tracks instead of upping the tension as was intended.  Since the "people killing people" motif fails to say anything profound and merely further slams home the tired cliche that humanity resorts to lawless barbarism at its earliest opportunity, it all becomes just another nasty and impatiently edited action movie.

  

BEYOND THE RAVE

(2008)

Dir - Matthias Hoene

Overall: MEH

 

Originally appearing as a set of web serials on MySpace, Beyond the Rave was the official first production for the newly relaunched Hammer Films.  Choosing such a medium to reintroduce the famed company seems like a rather daft choice in some respects, but the movie itself hardly reinforces the Gothic horror motifs of yesteryear.  In fact it is rather aggressively contemporary.  As the title would suggest, the story revolves around an underground rave which is put on by vampires to harvest the blood from a large crop of drugged-up, foul-mouthed twenty-somethings, plus the gritty, music video presentation clearly demonstrates that Hammer has no interest in delivering anything of a throwback variety.  Even the one linking element to their old catalog is missing as Ingrid Pitt shot a scene that was axed from the final product.  Sadie Frost does make an appearance at least in a non-speaking blood-sucker role though why they bothered to include her besides appeasing Bram Stoker's Dracula fans for about a minute and a half is anyone's guess.  The nauseating editing, awful, handheld camerawork, and piss-poor cinematography make it a rather frustrating viewing experience to say the least.  There are a couple of camp-worthy moments that are fun, but once one sees past the novelty value, it does not have much else to offer.

TRIANGLE

(2009)

Dir - Christopher Smith

Overall: GOOD

British writer/director Christopher Smith delivered a satisfying, straight psychological horror film in the truest sense with Triangle, his third full-length.  Non-linear storytelling usually means simply jumbling up scenes out of sequence, yet Smith takes a more ambitious route here that steers away from being pretentious and instead reveals the necessary details while leaving the audience properly engaged along the way.  After an initial set-up which already presents Melissa George's character as being mysteriously aloof, the basic concept takes a page out of the 1980 crud rock Death Ship.  Here though, the premise of an eerily deserted ocean liner is utilized to represent a sort of disturbed limbo that may offer either redemption or a perpetual curse upon those who board it.  Wisely, nothing is arbitrarily cryptic or genre-pandering in such a context as Smith trusts both his intriguing premise and his audience enough to reach a finish line that stays ambiguous while clearing up every loose end that needs to be cleared up.  George is also quite excellent in the lead, which is a good thing as the story exclusively focuses on her struggles with motherhood and desperation in surviving for her son.