30 FAVORITE STAND-UP COMEDIANS
Several years ago, Comedy Central ranked "The 100 Greatest Standups of All Time", a list that was voted upon by fellow comedians and for the most part was pretty solid. As these things go with my nerd-list brain though, a seed was planted. "Hmmm", went my internal dialog, "Could I come up with those many?". Well as the title of this post clearly gives away, no, no I could not.
I actually began this list several months ago, though it quickly became apparent that doing one hundred was going to be impossible, as much as I love that epic number where these things are concerned. Then I figured fifty would be a good route to take. Alas, neither number was meant to be. I had fifty at one point and I liked every one of them, but that was just the thing. Several of the bottom tier I just "liked". Cutting it down to the thirty you see here meant I had to actually make some tough choices near the bottom and as any list goes, some even tougher ones near the top. Well, not too tough to be honest, as once again my number one spot should be zero surprise to anyone who knows me or has heard said individual even once in his/her lifetime
I will give you a clue, it is NOT this guy/thing. |
A number of honorable mentions are in order I would say. Filth legends like Redd Foxx and Rudy Ray Moore, some of the slew of comedians who came up in the 80s and thrived like Gallagher and Dennis Miller, "alternative comics" like Brian Posehn, Eugene Mirman, and Blaine Capatch, and other household names like Ron White, Lewis Black, and Daniel Tosh were all considered at one point for inclusion here. These guys all have great stuff but hell, twenty-nine other guys and one girl have greater. About that, I had no intention to come off as a chauvinistic pig here, but ultimately only one lady made the cut. No excuse really, it is just mostly a man's game I guess for whatever reason. Well one part-time transvestite made the list too, so that almost counts right?
Stand-up comedy may be a bit farther down the list of nerd obsessions of mine from horror movies or how awesome Lionel Richie is, but not too far. I actually listen to comedy albums of the stand-up variety on a regular basis. The complete recordings of Richard Pryor as well as George Carlin and a slew of others make a go-round for me at least once each and every year as well. I have actually written a handful of jokes, (or ideas for jokes at least), over the years yet to date I have not gathered up near the gall to actually get on a stage at an open mic somewhere and give any of my witty observations a legitimate go in front of an audience. Perhaps someday, (or not). As it is, the listening, watching, and admiring of stand-up comedians is just an intense passion of mine, something I have had for years which probably goes back to Bill Cosby and Sinbad but well, more on those details to come...
*Note - Be sure to click the name of each entry for a link to some examples and proof of said entry's greatness. I mean you do not have to or anything. I ain't your pa.
30. SAM KINISON
"Folks I've been straight for seventeen days...Not all in a row."
Stand-up comedy's greatest screamer? You goddamn right. Ye obviously, Sam Kinison had to deliver some brilliant jokes and musings in between his iconic banshee wail to still remain an absolutely beloved and terribly missed comedian. Kinison was along the lines of fellow macho, chauvinistic male comics who hit unheard of levels of fame in the 80s like Andrew Dice Clay or even Eddie Murphy to an extent. Though not as consistent as Murphy or as filthy and one-dimensional as the Dice Man obviously, Kinison was a good balance in the middle. His raving rants on his exes were exquisite, but other rants on religion and politics, the usual comedic stuffs, were also totally on par.
29. WOODY ALLEN
"I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic."
Any professional comedian and scholar of the stand-up medium is well aware that at one point decades ago, Woody Allen was near the top of the food chain where telling jokes into a microphone was concerned. The rest of us pretty much only know him as that creepy, walking neurotic Jewish stereotype who just so happens to make fantastic films on a quasi-regular basis. For the uninclined though, go back and check out Standup Comic, a compilation of Allen's very best 60's vinyl recordings and virtually the only document to the man's on-stage genius that is in print. It is one of the best such albums ever made and will easily make a believer even out of the most steadfast Allen disapprover.
28. STEVE MARTIN
"I like to keep the laughs going even while I play."
Steve Martin is a legend unto himself. His stand-up simply defines absurd. The man could barely keep still for five seconds without spazing out into a bit of physical lunacy that is just as funny as his actual words. As good as a banjo player as he is which he has since gone onto pursue seriously, he utilized it in his act for laughs and consistently got them. Martin planned on going from television writing and appearances straight into films and in that regard, he has admitted that his career, (and in turn incredible success), as a standup was pure accident. Thankfully, his knock-out performances on SNL kick-started his whole selling-out-stadiums with an arrow in his head act and his mark in comedy history was soundly made.
"Have you guys seen the new Garfield movie? He wears sunglasses and eats lasagna. And Ottie, he's up to his old tricks!"
I have only seen a random hodgepodge of Zach Galifianakis' "stand-up", which is so utterly odd that you can barely even call it stand-up. His Comedy Central Presents was glorious, but the best shit I have so far seen was what was featured on the Comedians of Comedy mini-series. This guy is fearless in the face of getting a chuckle out of head-scratching on-lookers and he goes for the most ludicrous laughs he can get in front of any audience. Definitely a purveyor of the awkward style of humor, he rarely misses the mark. Even if he does though, he still makes it hilarious.
26. KEVIN JAMES
"When you're big you don't need a reason to sweat. My friends cannot grab a hold of this concept. They come up to me all the time, 'Jeez, you jumpin rope in the attic?'. Um...I peeled
an orange. An hour ago."
I have only seen Sweat the Small Stuff from Kevin James, his one-off Comedy Central special. Plus I honestly loathe most everything else this man has done, (including all of his movies and one of the worst sitcoms of all time, King of Queens). So yeah, otherwise he would be higher. Certainly belongs though because Sweat is one of the very best comedy specials of all time. Fat guys sweating, men and women buying cards, his girlfriend trying to get into a locked car door, etc. It is all gold.
25. JIM GAFFIGAN
"The only downside about bacon is that it makes you thirsty...for more bacon."
24. TODD BARRY
"This woman actually said, and I quote, "I like Coke. I hate Pepsi with a passion." And it made me very sad for her. Cause her body is telling her that she hates something that tastes exactly like something she loves."
A man "whose delivery level is one notch above hypnosis", (actual quote), Todd Barry almost has that Steven Wright thing going for him where he sounds like he is about to fall asleep at any moment. That certainly does not stop his material from being laugh-out loud funny though. All four of Barry's albums have in and around forty tracks on them and they all showcase an observational comic that is very dry, quick on his feet with the hecklers, egotistical, and occasionally filthy. I keep coming back to said albums and never get bored with them.
23. MARIA BAMFORD
"Baby look pretty now Mommy?"
There are odd comedians and there are also odd people. Then there is both. Enter Minnesota raised Maria Bamford. On the surface, Bamford's "thing" seems to be the utilizing of a near limitless arsenal of silly voices, all of them hilarious. Yet the material itself is left of center to be sure. Jokes that on paper cater to single, neurotic women and are delivered by a real-life sufferer of bipolar disorder with a dysfunctional family, (or at least she is dysfunctional and her family is normal), it all has a surreal edge that always works to Bamford's advantage. I became a fan from her Comedy Central Presents special which was the very first thing I ever saw of hers. A fan I have remained.
22. JOE ROGAN
"'Humans are the only species that drinks the milk from other animals'. Yeah, you know what else only humans do? Make movies!"
Like Joe Rogan himself said during his act, "Most people don't even know I do stand-up". I have run into this when bringing Rogan up with people who just know him as "that Fear Factor guy", another joke Rogan happily pokes fun at. His first album I'm Gonna Be Dead Someday is good but a little one-dimensional, yet from Shiny Happy Jihad till now, he has really been delivering. A proud weed smoker who rips on all the idiocy of the human race, (and yes, men and women being stupid with each other), Rogan's stuff is smart, usually rambunctious, and most always filthy. Also most always hilarious.
"Americans say "leisure", we say "li-zure-aye."
If Monty Python was a stand-up comedian, he/it would probably be Eddie Izzard. I fell in love with this guys shtick, (which almost sounds rather dirty doesn't it?), from 1998's Dress To Kill, still this executive transvestite's best work I would say. even when not rocking the fabulous duds as the world's foremost cross-dressing comic, (see 2009's Stripped), Izzard's surreal, "so...yeah", stream of consciousness musings go off without a hitch. Bizarre humor naturally finds my fancy, so it is no surprise that I am a fan of Izzard's rambling, "where the hell is he going with this", utterly odd tales about everything that has happened in the history of humankind.
20. SINBAD
"I never thought a dollar could mean so much in college. A dollar! You find a dollar in college you be like 'Yes! Gotta a dollar I don't know what I'm gonna do this weekend. Might buy something might just hang out with my dollar!'."
I have never understood the flack that Sinbad has gotten throughout his career. You cannot rip on the guy for being clean, because hundreds of comedians, (many of them legends), never used any four-letter words. Cannot rip on him for his material since it is the same observational/men and women do this stuff that countless others tackle. I saw Brian Damaged for the first time when I was nine years old and I have watched it numerous times into adult hood and yeah, it is still goddamn hilarious. For whatever reason, his Keith Sweat impression gets me every time. His latest, (and first in years), Where U Been, is also as solid as ever.
19. BILL COSBY
"When I ask you a question you keep your trap shut! Think I'm talking just to hear myself talk? Answer me!"
Ask any professional comedian who they think belongs in the Holy Trinity of Comics and most every last one of them will give Bill Cosby a placement. Though I do agree that comedy's greatest story teller deserves the utmost respect for the five plus decades on the job, as you can see, I would not quite go so far as to say he is the be-all/end-all of stand-ups. I have honestly found some of his stuff, (especially his early albums), rather dull. Yet there is no denying that there is some serious greatness to be found in the days worth of hours of material that this man has accumulated. Himself, particularly, is quite possibly the best stand-up special in history and the very first one that I ever remember seeing/loving in my lifetime.
18. DAVE CHAPPELLE
"'You
mind taking your hat off sir? It's disrespectful to the ladies'. Sure
I can shove a twenty up her ass, but I better not have a hat on when I
do it."
Such a hoopla was made when Dave Chappelle up and left his own show on Comedy Central that for awhile there it seemed that people forgot how great of a standup he is. Well, the fact that he virtually disappeared for a few years as well had something to do with the forgetting. Chappelle's material was getting better and better by the time Chappelle Show first aired. I have actually been meaning to look into what the man's been delivering since said program prematurely finished, but alas, I have not tracked down much yet. For What It's Worth, Killing Them Softly, and his very first HBO Comedy Half Hour were all flawless and Chappelle is one of the very few comedians to tackle a large amount of "white people do this, black people do this" material and still make it brilliant.
17. ANTHONY JESELNIK
"People say 'Hey Anthony, you can't make fun of retarded people'. And I say "No...YOU can't make fun of retarded people. I'm fucking awesome at it.'"
Right off the bat, I just love this guy's M.O. Pittsburgh native Anthony Jeselnik's entire style is to be as unapologetically offensive as possible, all the while coming off as the most arrogant asshole on the planet. Literally every single joke this guy has is a killer. Every last one. They are all straight up "jokes" as well, almost in the old school sense. Quick set up, quick delivery, a line or two a piece and then it is right on to the next gasp-worthy piece of gold. Jeselnik is relatively new on the scene, his CCP debut was only five years ago. In that time though, he has dropped two of the best stand-up albums ever made and had a brief two season run on his own Comedy Central show The Jeselnik Offensive. Cannot wait for everything else this guy has in store.
16. KYLE KINANE
"I took 'no' for an answer every single time. How could you not? 'Hey, do you need gourmet cake decorations? No? I totally understand'."
Another comparative noob to the scene is Chicago native Kyle Kinane. His two albums Death of the Party and Whiskey Icarus, (both of which spout awesome track titles, dude's clearly a Kiss fan), are outstanding. Kinane is one of the most meticulous wordsmiths in stand-up right now. No doubt the man has spent hours memorizing the carefully chosen text that transcends all of his material from simply funny to incredibly funny and often poetic. He is the type of self-loathing comic that lets everyone in the audience laugh right along AT him, all the while his flowing language never letting you forget that you are listening to a master at work.
15. PATTON OSWALT
"In Cirque Du Soleil, everything is wet and French and gay and on fire all at the same time."
The ultimate nerd comic that is not like, one of THOSE comics that you read and shit, is Mr. Patton Oswalt. This guy has been on a roll for years and it has only been within the last ten or so that he has been pumping out albums and really building his comic-book-fans-with-a-sense-of-humor fanbase. Actually, superhero jokes only make up about 3% of Oswalt's material and Star Wars jokes maybe another 10%. The rest runs the gamut of bitching about Republicans, hipsters, being fat, and the silliness that goes along with parenthood. Plus all kinds of other shit. Oswalt is the torch-bearing and perhaps "leader" of the alternative comics scene, only his stuff sticks even harder and is arguably even funnier.
14. DENIS LEARY
"And you know what hell is folks? It's Andy Gibb, singing 'Shadow Dancing' for eons and eons. And you have to wear orange plaid bell bottoms and sit next to the Bay City Rollers. 'How you guys doin? This is gonna SUCK!'"
13. MITCH HEDBERG
"'Here's a picture of me when I was younger'. Every picture is of you when you were younger."
Coming dangerously close to giving Steven Wright a run for his money as the funniest random, everyday one-liner comedian of all time was Mitch Hedberg. At only thirty-seven when he died, the stage-fright suffering, sunglasses indoors wearing, hipstrer-droll speaking Hedberg had only delivered two albums and one Comedy Central special. It is frustrating to say the least since so much more hilarity was clearly destined for the man, given a few more decades. The small amount of material left behind though is literally flawless. Hedberg is one of the very few comedians that does not have anything close to a bad joke on his resume.
12. BRIAN REGAN
"Now they got the peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. I don't understand that. I mean, I'm lazy but...that means there's somebody out there going, 'Yeah, I could go for a sandwich but uh...I ain't gonna open TWO jars!"
The best observational comedian whose last name does not rhyme with "Rhymefeld", Brian Regan is good people. Once again I saw this guy for the first time on Comedy Central Presents and even to this day, his is the funniest performance that show has ever had. Regan himself once said that he likes to "scrape the barrel" of what is left for the observational humorist to use, but man, he just keeps finding gold after gold after gold. His strong-man competition bit on the after mentioned CCP brings me to tears every time. Tons more of his do the same.
11. DAVE ATTELL
"They say she's retarded but them titties ain't retarded!"
Dave Attell or, (as my brother would say "The Jewish Me"), is this high on this list mainly for Skanks For the Memories, which I am calling it right now is the funniest stand-up comedy album ever made. Attell's style can be summed up by the word "relentless". Every sentence he utters is a joke and every one of them kills. The man leaves no space for you to recover from any of it. His stuff needs to be listened to/watched multiple times simply for the fact that you will be laughing your ass off through so much of it that you will miss half of it the first time around. The most hilarious alcoholic jokes amongst many others that you will ever hear.
10. JERRY SEINFELD
"Gimme the maximum strength. Give me the maximum allowable human dosage. Figure out what will kill me...and then back it off a little bit."
9. CHRIS ROCK
"'Me and my friend were having a dick sucking contest and we thought you might make a pretty good judge.' You never got that call when you were single. Now you get it every Tuesday."
On the one hand it is a shame that it takes Chris Rock so long to come out with a new special, (waiting on over six years at this writing), but when he does, goddamn is it worth it. Rock's HBO specials and accompanying albums have almost gotten better and better. Bigger and Blacker and Bring the Pain are classics, but Never Scared and Kill the Messenger are equally on par. Rock's rants on race and relationships prove consistent to say the very least. What most people seem to rightfully admire about the man though is how completely on-point he is in every observation. The more serious the issue, the more hilarious he makes it. Mr. Pryor may spin in his grave at Rock's insistence on keeping his beloved racial slur alive, but when it is that funny always, the ends justify the means.
"What's another word for 'thesaurus'?"
When it comes to one-liners, Steven Wright has pretty much ruined it for everybody else. Meaning that he is the best that ever was and ever will be at them. It is one thing that his ultra-droll, zero-energy delivery matches the bizarre material so well. It is yet another thing that the bizarre material itself is as great as it is. I could make a list of my hundred favorite Steven Wright jokes. Wright has told probably thousands of them, covering thousands of topics, themes, or sometimes just words. It is not only a marvel he just keeps coming up with more and more, but also that nobody else thought of what he thought of first. Sadly and kind of inexplicably actually, Wright only has two stand-up albums and one other non-album special floating around. Still, even if we only get one special a decade, so long as this guy lives for another ten of them, I would be perfectly fine with that.
7. EDDIE MURPHY
"I've had my share of pussy and even if the pussy was great and sparks shot out the woman's ass and cannons blared and the mountains crumbled and the seas roared, no pussy is worth a hundred and fifty million dollars!"
6. DAVID CROSS
"I've read large parts of the Bible and I will say honestly that the Bible truly is...one of the funniest books I've ever read."
The closest torchbearer we have to the legendary Bill Hicks I would say is David Cross. Along with both Hicks and George Carlin, no other comedian has accurately attacked real world issues, (particularly Republicans and religion), as good as Cross has and possibly no one has attacked them so vehemently. As rigorous as his intent often seems, there is a very finely sharpened blade of sarcasm to Cross' material which softens the edge ever so much. Unapologetically an atheist and swinging as far from the right as possible, such things are hardly his sole topics. Attacking America's, (and occasionally his own), ignorance and laziness is the overall theme. Cross does at times suffer from "smartest guy in the room syndrome", (not as much as Bill Mauher mind you), but nigh any of his points can be truly argued with. Of course all would be for nothing if he was not actually ludicrously funny, which he undoubtedly is. The massive one-two punch of Shut Up You Fucking Baby and It's Not Funny both equal two of the all time greatest comedy albums ever made. PlusThe Pride Is Back and Bigger and Blackerer are both equally flawless as well.
"I said 'Who told you you could fool around with my wife?'. He said "Everybody!'"
"I know a lot of fucking jokes alright!". Boy did he ever. It is really hard to put into words how much I love this man. Ever since childhood really, since Caddyshack and Back To School are two of my favorite things ever. Then let us not forget "Burns, Baby Burns", one of the very best Simpsons episodes of all time. None of this was Rodney Dangerfield on stage mind you, but whatever the medium and whatever the gig, Rodney was always Rodney, (Natural Born Killers notwithstanding). When it comes to the old school, lounge-act, raunchy zinger style of stand-up, Mr. Dangerfield is the be all, end all. This man has brought me to tears countless times. Every time I think that I have heard the best Rodney Dangerfield joke, I hear ten more that can just as easily take its place. It is one of my great misfortunes that I never got a chance to see the man live in action as doing so easily would have been to witness one of the greatest performances I could ever see. Joke for joke, Rodney Dangerfield was the most consistent stand-up comedian there will ever be.
4. LOUIS C.K.
"I'm not sure what you're supposed to weight but I'm pretty sure it's not 'your age plus two-hundred pounds'."
"I've noticed man, I'm 42, I like younger women. Not even younger women. Girls. My daughter's 16 man, she bring home her friends sometimes I go 'GODDAMN...look at the titties on that bitch!'."
It is kind of hard to argue with the fact that most "greatest comedians of all time" lists that you will ever see shall put Richard Pryor firmly at the top. There is a boatload of reasons that he belongs there, even coming from a guy who has him just two spots short. Up until multiple sclerosis ultimately stopped him during the last several years of his life, Richard Pryor was technically the best there was. Fame, money, and especially cocaine abuse not only brought all of the ups and downs to the man's life, but also fueled most of his material. His 70s albums are the stand-up comedy albums to judge all others by, and particularly Wanted: Live In Concert and Live On the Sunset Strip are pretty much the Sgt. Pepper's and "White Album" of comedy recordings. Joking on the differences between white and black people has become a pathetic cliche for years now in my opinion, but Pryor for better or worse started all of that and easily was the funniest at it. Yet it was the baring of his own soul and own set-backs and fuck-ups which he consistently managed to turn into some of the best comedy bits of all time that was so admiring. Before MS took his speech, he still got on stage a few times and joked about even that, sharp and hilariously as ever. Every comedian since has been influenced by Richard Pryor and this will continue to be the case as long as the material far outlives the man.
2. BILL HICKS
"A lot of Christians where crosses around their necks. You think whenever Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross?"
"And now they're thinking about banning toy guns...but they're gonna keep the fucking real ones!"
George Carlin has been my favorite comedian even before I started taking comedy more seriously. I know that sentence sounds rather stupid, but I digress. Along with Hicks, Carlin's work has done more for me than just made me laugh my fucking ass off. Carlin said that he broke his material into three groups; language, observational, and the "big world". He has countless legendary bits in those first two, ("my stuff", advertising lullaby, seven dirty words, etc), but it is really the latter; the big stuff on the cosmos, religion, and mankind's purpose or lack thereof that really did a number on me. Carlin simply breaks shit down with, as he put it, his "usual flawless logic". After hearing him talk about anything really, it is virtually impossible to not agree and furthermore, even live by the man's words. No comedian has ever made as many irrefutable points as Carlin and probably never will. Also along with Pryor, Carlin's decades on the job made him an absolute master of the comedic form. As Bill Maher said, "He was the rabbit that no one could catch". Best there ever was.
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