BLOOD AND LACE
(1971)
Dir - Phillip S. Gilbert
Overall: MEH
Blood and Lace, (not to be confused with the far superior Mario Bava film Blood and BLACK Lace from seven years prior), is truly as dumb as they come. Co-written by producer Gil Lasky and directed by Phillip S. Gilbert, (serving as the only movie the latter would ever make), they also scored Gloria Grahame as an evil orphanage owner and future Uncle Leo Len Lesser as her sleazy sidekick. Appropriate casting aside, it is the script which is all levels of absurdity. There are so many "can only happen in a stupid movie" coincidences and likewise so many times when characters do the most irrational thing possible that it just barely transcends being an offensive waste of time and becomes an occasionally fun trainwreck instead. Since it was made so cheaply, (using awful stock music, thoroughly unconvincing day for night shots, and amateur cinematography), it makes the hilarious plot that much more unintentionally amusing. It is really within the last few minutes when the inevitable twist rears its head that the ridiculousness becomes overbearing, but up until then it does not drag too much and there is plenty of embarrassment to laugh at. It is a terrible movie anyway you look at it of course, but harmlessly so more or less.
BAD RONALD
(1974)
Dir - Buzz Kulik
Overall: MEH
An adaptation of Jack Vance's book of the same name, Bad Ronald was a made for TV film that aired on ABC around Halloween time in 1974. At a brisk seventy-four minutes, director Buzz Kulik keeps the pace cruising along with the rather simple and unarguably far-fetched set-up; a pace which actually kind of undoes the whole movie. Due to the brief running time, the relationship between the title character and his mother plus how the former meets his mental breaking point could afford a little more substance. It takes until the very end before Bad Roland gets suspenseful enough to finally start resembling an actual thriller. Before that, it just gets by on the creepiness of its on-paper premise. This makes it seem like a missed opportunity really. To watch something from the point of view of a young, eccentric teenager with mommy and anger issues who is essentially trapped in his own house while succumbing to the madness of isolation, the approach here is far too mild and underdeveloped for what the story is worth. On the plus side, it is an admirable move that Kulik and his cast treat the material respectfully while keeping any potential schlock value uninvited to the party.
PIRANHA
(1978)
Dir - Joe Dante
Overall: MEH
Joe Dante's second feature was the Jaws parody/cash-in Piranha, a film which Universal tried to shut down before Steven Spielberg blessed it by calling it "the best of the Jaws rip-offs". That statement is probably true, mostly because Dante is interested in getting as many laughs out of his audience as possible, taking the silly, intentionally derivative subject matter as non-seriously as possible. Full of recognizable faces like Paul Bartel, Dick Miller, Barbara Steele, and Kevin McCarthy as well as highly unremarkable special effects, it is knowingly ham-fisted and everyone on the screen seems fully aware of this without getting too overtly goofy. While fun and funny at times, it is a tedious story where people get warned about the flesh eating fish, people ignore said warning, and then people get killed by said fish, all of which gets repeated until the high-body count finish. Characters routinely do idiotic things as well, (including knowingly jumping into the piranha-infested waters), and the laws of physics are slapped in the face as one character parks his boat as far away as possible to then hold his breathe for a supernaturally long time to do something imperative underwater while the fish are probably everywhere. Naturally ending on an ominous note with a sly, overly confident remark from Steele that clearly sets up the next in the franchise, (Piranha II: The Spawning which would be James Cameron's directorial debut), many of the movie's "flaws" can be seen as part of the appeal, but it does grow just a tad too tiresome after awhile.
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