A Tale of Two Nine Year Old Kiss Fans

A TALE OF TWO NINE YEAR OLD KISS FANS

There is never a dull moment in Kamp Kiss.  Is Kamp Kiss an authorized, official thing?  Like Kiss' own version of summer camp or the boy-scouts or some shit?  If not, Gene Simmons is asleep at the wheel there.

Yet anyway where was I?  Oh yes, for any member of the Kiss Army or even the casual rock fan, one is bound to notice the seemingly endless amount of drama revolving around this band that has been dressing up like horny superhero mimes and blowing shit up since since 1974.  Well, technically they took a break from the looking like mimes part for a few years but you know what I mean.  Wherever anything Kiss is concerned, there is plenty to talk about, be it past members being mad at each other, Kiss fans being mad at other Kiss fans, former Kiss fans being mad at other former Kiss fans, former Kiss fans being mad at current Kiss fans, or just whatever the fuck Vinnie Vincent is currently doing.  Again, the moments are never dull is what I am saying.

This fuckin' guy, amiright?

At this writing, Kiss is a month and some change into their End of the Road tour.  By all available logic to humankind, this will in fact be the last trek across the globe that the band will ever take before retiring at least that part of their business.  Whether we will get a Kiss 2.0, more DVDs, more new music, more new Kiss Koffins, a theatrically released documentary and/or biopic that is as historically inaccurate as Bohemian Rhapsody was are all to be determined.  Yeah Kiss says a lot of things, but they are also pushing seventy and one would imagine that there are only so many times that one can cry wolf so yes, I actually do believe them this time.

Because it is a three year tour that is hitting every city that they have ever played, maybe some others just to leave no stone un-turned, and well, because it is Kiss, this is a fairly big deal in the rock world.  It is also one that many parties are participating in getting some headlines out of.  Nikki Six and Tommy Lee have called Kiss out for stealing their own farewell tour stage, but those guys also have a biopic coming out on Netflix presently and have certainly learned a thing or two from Gene Simmons in that steadfast and true "say something stupid to get people talking" tactic.  So good for them.  Also good for Ace Frehley, (I mean his wife, girlfriend, pimp?), calling Gene and Paul out for still not wanting to work with him after twelve years of sobriety, nor including him in the farewell tour that he was never going to be included in to begin with and blah, blah, fuck blah.  Also of course, good for Vinnie Vincent for doing...your guess is as good as mine.

This fuckin' guy, (ma'am?), amiright?

Yet that is not what I am here to write about.  A quick scroll through my blog's archives will establish that I am rather a genuine Kiss fan to say the very least.  That being the case, it should not be surprising that I, A) have always played Kiss in the car when I have my kids with me and B) because of this or just because Kiss music is awesome, my kids have become Kiss fans.  Then because of THAT, I decided to take two of them that were at the rather ideal age, (nine), to go see the End of the Road tour in Chicago on Saturday, March 3rd of this year which also marked their very first concert experience ever.

I also want to say that while both of them being into Kiss was something I certainly paved the road for, they also took it upon themselves to be fans.  My oldest daughter digs the costumes and makeup, but honestly is not that big on their music while my two youngest can still kind of take or leave the band at this point.  The nine year olds though?  Different deal.  Several years ago my daughter started getting the small talk out of the way as quickly as possible when I would pick her up from school and instead get out with a "Dad, can we listen to Kiss?" in earnest.  This tradition is something that has not changed since.  Now that her and her brother are old enough to actually have fond memories of their first concert experience and both of them legit jumped up and down all excited-like when we told them they were going to this concert, I would say that it is a safe bet that they really are fans and have not just been playing a long con on me this whole time.  The evidence seems to support such a thing at least.

Oddly enough, this is the daughter that is NOT that big of a Kiss fan.

So yes, we went to see the End of the Road show which also happened to be the first time I had seen the band since the, (other), Farewell Tour in 2000.  Since then I honestly have not had a great desire to go to another Kiss concert.  This is where I wil start to get into details about what does not bother me about what Kiss has been doing since that time.  For one, I have not avoided seeing my favorite active band because two guys who are not Ace Frehley and Peter Criss are wearing their makeup.  That reality makes the most logical sense out of anything I can imagine.  I love Pete and I love Ace, but the former was and has always been a pain in the ass and possibly bipolar or something which is not a knock on him yet something he himself even admitted to in enough instances in his own autobiography Make Up to Break Up: My Life In and Out of Kiss.  On that note, Ace has until the last decade and some change been an active alcoholic and by his own account in his own autobiography No Regrets, has also always been a lazy, lazy man who expects to act like a rock star and usually cannot be bothered with such activities as say being on time to things or carrying his own gear ever.

So, Paul and Gene get a chance to resurrect their band, (which they never quit/got fired from btw), in the mid-nineties out of most likely finishing their career on the theater circuit like most classic rock era bands that are still going right?  They do this by launching a hugely successful, arena-filling reunion tour with the original members that surpasses even their expectations and permanently cements their place in pop culture as a household name, right?  So when Ace and Peter were basically being Ace and Peter like they always were, Gene and Paul then decided to move on without them and instead get two ridiculously reliable and competent yes men that were perfectly happy with their salaries and in the process, the band kept selling lots of tickets and remained in the public eye ,right?  Call it luck or crafty business tactics or whatever you want to but man, wise move there.

"So the show's at 8 PM sharp, I have to carry my own guitar, and can't drink any alcohol?  Sure thing Skip!" - (probably) Tommy Thayer

Me not going to see Kiss in the last eighteen years is because first and foremost, I love Kiss' music.  Whatever do I mean by that?  Well, the stage show is still as good as they get and the costumes and make-up and all that shit is certainly cool, but nearly all my favorite Kiss songs are ones that they do not touch live with a ten foot pole.  So my desire to see them play the same songs they had already been doing since the Reunion Tour more or less just was not something I was into.  I also have to point out though that I am simply not one of those "I have to see the bands I love every time they come to town guys" to begin with.  In my twenties I would make more of an effort but really, having kids, having bills, and having only so much disposable income or babysitters to rely on has limited what shows I make a priority to check out and which ones I do not.  Basically, if I have already seen it and it is still pretty much the same deal just with some new bombs or a costume change, I am good with the experiences that I have already had.  This is just me though.  People who see multiple shows a tour and see every tour that comes around no matter what the act, go you.  I can dig it, I just do not partake.

Seeing the End of the Road show this time therefor was almost entirely based on the fact that I had the chance to make two nine year olds very happy to see the band that for so many years have set the high standard of how amazing a live show can possibly be.  Also, they are a band that both of my kids legitimately loved even before they knew said band split blood, dropped confetti from the ceiling, or shot rockets out of their guitars.  Like me, my kids like Kiss' music and that was basically it.  Besides a few YouTube videos, (mostly from the 80s because I have learned em that everything Paul sang in that decade was better than anything any band has ever done), my kids really did not know anything about "The Kiss show".  Especially once I knew this final tour was around the corner, I started to make it a point NOT to play them any of the Kissologies, documentaries or really anything beyond just giving them a bunch of my old Kiss pictures that decorated my room when I was in jr. high and high school.  I wanted them to see it in person and get that very rare experience in the information age to actually get something close to "blown away" by what they saw.

So I essentially wanted my kids to pull a Ted Theodore Logan.

Besides them never being exposed to anything so loud before, (yes I had them wear earplugs), and getting a little uncomfortable during the middle of the set, my kids had a remarkable time.  My daughter raised up the horns and danced around like a goofball for large parts of it and her eyes noticeably widened when they played her favorite Kiss song "I Was Made for Loving You", the smile on my son's face never left him, (oh and he was the only one who wore any make up, my daughter chickening out last minute), and both of them clapped when Paul told them to and ran around like mad afterwards grabbing confetti off the floors to take home.

On the other hand, they did not jump up and down like maniacs, (we were in the upper nosebleeds which anyone who has been to the United Center can attest to are rather steep and not meant for such excitable concert-going behavior), they did not sing along, they did not leave the show saying how they were going to form their own band, and they were quick to get back to talking about other things nine year olds talk about, (Minecraft and Fortnite mostly).  Yet that is alright.  For me to say I was disappointed because they were not speechless after the show or so ecstatically into it during the show as to faint like teenage girls watching The Beatles in 1964 would be ridiculous.  My kids became Kiss fans from listening to my favorite deep cut Kiss songs in the car and then after seeing them, they said they absolutely loved it and I believe them.

Pictured: Not my nine year olds.

So this is what I am writing all this about.  There are a handful of fans, ex-fans, whatever you want to call it fans that are not in the position I am nor have the mindset that I have which is their right and totally cool.  They can say any grown men are morons who "wanna be twelve again", do not care about the lip-singing, think there is no lip-singing, do not care about the different guys in make-up, do not care about the set list not being whatever, do not care about Kiss being so old now that they cannot run around and do high kicks on stage anymore, do not care about the price of the VIP meet and greets, do not care that Paul's stage raps are the same as they ever were, do not care that Gene and Paul are hypocrites, and do not care that the band should have packed it in seventeen years ago.  Go for it.  Say what you like, argue what you like, buy what Kiss products you like or do not, it is all good and it is all cool.  Personally, I like listening to Kiss music because it is my favorite music.  Personally I am thrilled that Kiss did NOT pack it in a decade and a half ago, instead sticking around until Paul's voice was shot, Gene's too out of shape to move around on stage, and Ace and Peter are either butt-hurt or in-different that they are not involved.

You know why I am thrilled?  Because I got to take my two nine year olds to see their first concert which just so happens to be of a band that both they and I love to listen to and now, love to watch.  Once this is over, a tribute band will be the best we can do and if you think that sounds better and would be a preferable experience for a nine year old because it has "more integrity" and is actually100% live or what the fuck ever, great, who is to argue?  I for one am glad that I got to take them to see Gene and Paul plus two other guys that they do not even care are not the original guys play songs that they know and love. For the rest of their life whenever anyone asks em what their first concert was, they will both have the same answer.  They will also both add that "it was awesome".  That is why I am happy to be a Kiss fan and that is why I do not care about all of the drama in the Kiss world.  Bitch about it, draw your line where you like, accept it, or laugh at it like I do and vote with your wallet like we all do.  If Ace and Peter were in Kiss, if I got to pick the set list and take out virtually everything in it, if Paul's voice was still godlike and as incredible as it was in his prime, if the band could still move around like athletes, if, if, if.  Kiss is their own band and they can run it however they want and if I was too preoccupied with not enjoying it for all of the reasons I can find, then you know what?  I would have missed this moment with two of my spawn; a moment that I and they will always remember.

Thank you Kiss.  Glad as always to give you my money.