(1987)
Overall: WOOF
A "sure whatever" sequel to Robo Vampire that was released a year before it, (figure that one out), Devil's Dynamite, (Devil Dynamite, Robo Vampire 2: Devil's Dynamite, Robo Ninja VS Vampires), features Chinese jumping undead, gangsters, ninjas, and a superhero dressed as the ]Prince of Space, and all of this is introduced in the first ten minutes. Being dropped in the deep end without a flotation device, no viewer will have a prayer of trying to follow what is at least two different movies happening simultaneously, if not two dozen. As is usually the case with Godfrey Ho joints, it is anyone's guess as to how much footage is swiped and then violently mixed together from other movies here, but the results somehow manage to be equal parts head-scratching, kinetic, sluggish, moronic, and hilarious. Yet, such silliness is exactly where the charm lies. Incompetently edited, scored, shot, and dubbed, Ho can be both applauded and condemned for haphazardly throwing a barrage of nonsense into a blender and seeing what came out. The "good" part is that he made only about nine-hundred of these movies a year throughout certain parts of his career, so if his singular brand of WTF-ness suites you, there is oodles more to partake of from here.
(1988)
Overall: WOOF
Another cobbled together trainwreck by writer/director/shameless hack Godfrey Ho, Robo Vampire, (RoboVamp), swipes footage from the 1984 Thai action film Against the World, but knowing how thrifty Ho operates, there are likely various other recycled bits edited together as well, least of all the previous year's Devil's Dynamite which was also a "sequel" to this movie, but whatever. The entire concept of cobbling together footage from various Asian genre films that were already D-grade at best, adding a couple of Caucasian actors for more domestic appeal, and then re-dubbing the entire thing in a laughable attempt to give it a narrative through-line is a tactic that Ho became infamous for, and it is one that is in full-swing here. We have jumping cannibal kung-fu gorilla ghost vampires that shoot fireworks out of their sleeves, a witch/sorceress/something lady who is in love with one of said creatures and also knows kung-fu, a bunch of criminals who hide drugs in said creatures and also know kung fu, some other criminals who fight each other with kung-fu every couple of seconds, several "Wait, who the fuck are these people?" people, (presumably who also know kung-fu), and the titular robot that wears a silver foam Robocop Halloween costume, does not show up until over thirty minutes in, and shoots people instead of kung-fuing them to death.
(1988)
Dir - Godfrey Ho/Chow Chun-Gaii
Overall: WOOF
A typically nonsensical hack job from filmmaker/footage and soundtrack thief Godfrey Ho, The Vampire Raiders, (Vampire Raiders: Ninja Queen), re-edits Chow Chun-Gaii's obnoxious horror comedy Mixed Up into something stupid enough to be considered a war crime. Absurd moments like a vampire-stuffed cow from absolutely nowhere falling on two people, a woman in a scantily-clad bikini posing for no one on a beach before hopping vampires emerge from the ground to engage in ninja battle with her, (one of whom is played by the relentlessly not-funny character actor Tau Wan Yue, lord help us), non-hopping vampire ghoul zombies drinking piss, plus dialog like "I'm not scared, one of my best friends is a ninja", "Cut it! Piss on it! Shit on it!", and "I'm full of bullshit, I've never touched a girl before", provide a handful of both intentional and unintentional laughs. The fact that at least ninety percent of the movie is literally another movie and that only a couple of pointless action scenes are haphazardly tossed in there to "justify" this as its own product can all be seen as hilariously embarrassing. It begs the question of how either Ho or certain production companies were able to routinely get away with such nonsense, but for anyone who is looking to make their IQ drop several points in a matter of ninety-minutes, this has you covered.
(1989)
Overall: WOOF
There is laughably unconvincing English dubbing and then there is Godfrey Ho's laughably unconvincing English dubbing. With a crop of characters who all sound like they are auditioning for a cartoon while intoxicated, (and one woman's voice that likely had several different actors providing dialog for, including at least one man), The Vampire Is Still Alive, (Robo Vampire 3: Counter Destroy, The Vampire Is Alive), is everything that anybody would both want and hate from a Ho production. Another incomprehensible conglomerate of two or six or who knows how many movies sandwiched together with the awkward grace of a three year old having a temper tantrum, this one has the usual crop of jumping comic relief vampires and ninjas busting out spontaneous kung fu moves. In addition, there is something about a Freddy Krueger monster terrorizing a couple of women who are staying at a house to write a movie about the last emperor of China and then Robo Space Ninja Man shows up within the last nine minutes, just to make this tie in to Ho's Devil's Dynamite and Robo Vampire "films" in the loosest manner possible. As tortuously sluggish as can be expected, it still manages to provide some laugh-out-loud stupidity with its preposterous dialog and line-readings, plus a story line that even a boardroom full of top tear NASA scientists could never figure out. Also, a woman gets possessed by the Krueger demon and then gives birth to an eight year old jumping vampire who pisses on two cross-eyed jumping vampires, plus oh yeah, Robo Vampire is his dad.
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