1980s American Horror Part Nine

JUST BEFORE DAWN
(1981)
Dir - Jeff Lieberman
Overall: MEH

An 80's slasher movie that owes even more to The Hills Have Eyes and Deliverance than it does Friday the 13th specifically, Just Before Dawn is mostly forgettable sans one significant detail.  This would be the film's soundtrack which is decent in and of itself, but far more effective when it is surprisingly and completely absent during long, key sections including almost the entire last act.  To say this makes the movie appear more realistic and grounded though is not necessarily accurate as nearly everywhere else it is young attractive people getting picked off, "rednecks in the woods", "I warned you not to go up there", by numbers type stuff.  Also, it is far too boring, particularly during the final showdown which peculiarly slows down to a near detrimental crawl and has an odd, "Are the cameras still on?" type feel.  Director Jeff Lieberman heavily re-wrote the script which originally had a fanatically religious family as its main attracting.  Removing every last trace of this was probably a swell move even if it made the result mostly generic.  For people who rigorously follow the slasher genre, Just Before Dawn is probably recommendable, but one viewing is certainly enough for others.

EYES OF FIRE
(1983)
Dir - Avery Crounse
Overall: MEH

Eyes of Fire is a baffling, aggravating film that is either made in such an avant-garde style as to deliberately ignore any coherence or it is borderline incompetent.  The debut from writer/director Avery Crounse, (who has only made three movies and none since 1996), Eyes of Fire is loaded with problems that most filmmakers do not particularly adhere to.  Yet it also has more startling, creepy visuals than most horror films ever muster.  The story is nearly incomprehensible though.  Essentially a flashback told through occasional narration, it is incredibly difficult to keep a single character straight and even after reading the plot synopsis after the fact, numerous things are undetectable.  Now whether this has to do with the sluggish pace, (particularly during the first half), and sloppy editing or if instead the movie indeed is severely underwritten, in either case it is a faulty presentation.  The film would be an atrocious waste of time if not for the fact that it is brimful of spooky ideas that would actually come off as such if we had any kind of footing as to what was going on.  With no investment or even proper understanding of the story, these macabre, eye-popping horror moments are more or less just window dressing when they could have been much more powerful.

BLOOD DINER
(1987)
Dir - Jackie Kong
Overall: GREAT

An unofficial sequel to Herschell Gordon Lewis' seminal gorefest Blood Feast that utilizes the same Ishtar, (here named Sheetar), cannibal-goddess -raising premise, Jackie Kong's Blood Diner is everything ridiculous, over the top, outrageously offensive 80's video nastys were meant to be.  You could fairly dub this the most Troma movie Troma never made as it seems hellbent on throwing in as many distasteful things for laughs as it possibly can.  *SPOILER ALERT* There is a wrestler named Little Jimmy Hitler, an entire band dressed as Hitler, people obliviously eating and enjoying fried human fingers, people getting run over by cars, (multiple times), a topless video shoot, a talking, horny brain that yells at its nephews and calls them "fags", a naked lady getting her head deep fried, a talking dummy for no reason, farts, and a hunger pill that turns a dance club into zombies.  There are a handful of foreign actors whose accents are either exaggerated or laughably slip while trying to come off as American, and most if not all of the dialog is post-dubbed.  All of these elements plus non-stop, slapstick gore make it barely possible to catch your breath either laughing or shaking your head in befuddled amusement at everything you are witnessing.  For a film whose goal is to be exactly what it is and thoroughly, absurdly enjoyable in the process, Blood Diner is a trash masterpiece.

1980s American Horror Part Eight

WOLFEN
(1981)
Dir - Michael Wadleigh
Overall: MEH

Uneven and overly long, Michael Wadleigh's Wolfen, (based off Whitley Strieber's novel The Wolfen), is a half success.  The cinematography by Gerry Fisher and use of Predator style thermography are very excellent and the landscape of a barren, rundown Bronx, Central Park, and upper Manhattan is excitingly brought to life in a manner as if it was taking place in the conventional wilderness.  While Gregory Hines is quite funny as a coroner and Tom Noonan as a sympathetic zoologist, lead Albert Finney appears to be either intoxicated, bored, hungry or all three, (within the first thirty minutes of the movie, he is eating in every scene).  The plot is seriously overstuffed to the point where none of the elements are given any proper development.  There is an environmental angle, stuff about terrorism, the plight of Native Americans, and political activism on top of lead characters who randomly fall in love with no explanation to be found.  On the horror angle, Wolfen is mostly disappointing outside of some severed limbs being thrown around as there is very little suspense that is able to build up due to the plodding running time.  As a tweak on the werewolf film, it is individual enough, but blows its potential to be anything more.

SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES
(1983)
Dir - Jack Clayton
Overall: GOOD

It is rather impressive that Disney's Something Wicked This Way Comes survived its troubled production and still noticeable flaws to end up working well enough as a final product.  Ray Bradbury originally wrote it as a screenplay that was never made, then turned it into a novel, and then after many years, studios, and directors came on and off board, it finally got under way with Jack Clayton, (The Innocents), behind the lens.  Yet then massive re-shoots, re-writes, and re-scores took place and the studio meddling certainly shows.  The film begins and builds up nicely to a point, but the ending in particular is aggressively messy.  There is clearly far more to some of these characters than we are given and the frenzied editing shows a lack of coherence near the finale that leaves far too much unfulfilled.  Still, the performances and dark fairytale mood are pleasantly strong and even during the confused bits, they lift the movie up and carry it through.  There is plenty of quality horror set pieces too involving creepy magic and multitudes of tarantulas running amok.  Also did anyone else notice how James Horner's music rather blatantly rips off Darth Vader's main theme?  Probably better that he did it here than for his Titanic score.

MANIAC COP
(1988)
Dir - William Lustig
Overall: GOOD

Written and directed by William Lustig, (Maniac), produced by Larry Cohen, (It's Alive, God Told Me To), and staring Bruce Campbell with a cameo from none other than Sam Raimi, Maniac Cop is a bit of an all-star, B-movie horror affair.  Two sequels followed this one, (each handled yet again by Lustig), and it seems to have been the plan since the ending leaves us on a cliffhanger with yet another supernaturally proficient serial murderer unleashed on the movie-going masses.  Which is how the 1980's rolled.  For his part as the title character, Robert "The Chin" Z'Dar unfortunately does not get that much screen time outside of being silhouetted and the choice to film him in the typical slasher villain fashion seems more generic than necessary.  Elsewhere, it is a pretty solid entry though.  The script is smart in keeping its wrongfully excused character arc plausible enough and thankfully no one in the movie behaves in too stupid of a horror movie manner.  This and the cast being rather solid, (besides Laurene Landon who gives the only embarrassing performance), is rather surprising as with a premise and title like this, the film easily could have been far too schlocky for its own good. 

1980s American Horror Part Seven

NIGHT WARNING
(1982)
Dir - William Asher
Overall: MEH

Television veteran William Asher's Night Warning, (Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker), is both frustrating and laughably offensive.  The Birth of a Nation for the gay rights movement, such liberal usage of the word "fag" is dropped by one of the worst characters in any movie; a cartoonishly homophobic and smirking police detective who comes awfully close to being so ridiculous and unlikable as to ruin the movie.  Law enforcement officers who arrogantly scream at anyone with a perfectly logical thing to say to them are near the top of any horror movie no-nos, but the incessant gay-bashing at least unintentionally pushes this into farce.  Elsewhere, a young Bill Paxton has a brief role as a high-schooler who already this early into his career is very Bill Paxtony, plus Susan Tyrell is more effectively over the top as a psychotic, incestuous, lunatic Aunt who does plenty of unsettling things to make her performance memorable.  The movie's ending sadly goes full generic slasher mode, barreling into cliches like boring chase scenes, the killer springing back to life when you are not looking, a victim getting bludgeoned in the head with both a mallet and a large rock numerous times only to emerge perfectly fine a few minutes later, etc.  Still, it is nearly recommendable to see Tyrell go full psycho, witness all of the politically incorrect "fag" bombs, and have Bill Paxton be exactly like you would expect him to be.

THE BLOB
(1988)
Dir - Chuck Russell
Overall: GOOD

The 1980's were a pretty solid decade for remaking 1950's sci-fi horror with John Carpanter's The Thing and David Cronenberg's The Fly both emerging before Chuck Russell likewise took on and largely improved upon The Blob.  Though it is comparably less successful than those now iconic, aforementioned remakes, The Blob does handle its material appropriately and it is certainly good enough to warrant its existence.  Taking the original film which was silly and only sporadically fun as its source, Russell and Frank Darabont's script throws in some government conspiracy elements and to a far less successful extent, some religious ones to differentiate/update the proceedings.  That and the much more gruesome violence, (helped by Tony Gardner's excellent practical effects work), certainly make it a darker affair, but there is still plenty of schlocky humor to be found.  Characters cannot help but to throw out action movie one-liners and early on there are the usual laughs with horny teenagers doing horny teenager things.  To play it more straight and dire than it did though would probably have worked less since the basic premise of a purple mass of goo that eats people alive can only be so frightening before you remember how goofy it is.

INTRUDER
(1989)
Dir - Scott Spiegel
Overall: WOOF

Scott Spiegel has made a career as a director/screenwriter/actor/producer of a number of mostly bottom barrel horror outings and his full-length debut Intruder is as bottom barrel as it gets.  The film is appreciated for its flashy camera work and having a gimmick of the killer murdering everyone with grocery store equipment, but to appreciate it for that you have to ignore every other completely idiotic and stock aspect of it.  The murderer defies the laws of physics by seemingly being in twelve places at once, having all the time in the world to display his victims in elaborately funny ways for the final girl to conveniently find later.  There is also the ole "I stabbed him so I'll just leave him here and turn my back on him and oh wait, yeah he's not dead" scene and doors are inexplicably locked from the outside.  The movie becomes simply a waiting game for each character to first be picked off and then be found, all before one of the most insulting twists you can imagine is dumped on us and the cat and mouse chase boringly continues anew.  Before the awful, unnecessary, and catastrophically moronic twist was revealed, Intruder was just a straightforward and dumb slasher outing.  Yet like many, many other films in this vein, it is despicably ruined by its last act and then quickly and terribly spirals further out of control from there.

1980s American Horror Part Six

Q
(1982)
Dir - Larry Cohen
Overall: MEH

Yet another thoroughly oddball exercise by Larry Cohen, Q, ( also known as The Winged Serpent), is most likely one of the few movies to throw an Aztec deity dinosaur bird into Manhattan while simultaneously being about a mob schlub caught up in shenanigans with the cops.  While Cohen's story is assuredly ambitious, it is a bizarre viewing experience in unforeseen ways.  Michael Moriarty was one of the many excruciatingly awful things about Cohen's trainwreck The Stuff and he is regrettably the lead here as well.  Though Moriarty is playing a very different character here, why anyone heaps any amount of praise towards his performances is utterly baffling.  His every delivery and mannerism are so distractedly strange in a manner that is difficult to describe, so strange that he becomes nearly torturous to watch.  David Carradine for his part seems to be phoning it in as much as he possible can and when he and Moriarty are on screen together, it is an amazingly bad combination of actors both taking it way too seriously and not at all.  The stop motion animation is dated of course yet fine, though it' is really the story structure that is so unwelcoming.  It comes off as two different movies sandwiched together with the entire, far more interesting "horror" sub-plot simply bulldozed off to the side and sporadically picked back up again at random times as if a large number of scenes in between are missing.

THE ABOMINATION
(1986)
Dir - Bret McCormick
Overall: WOOF

Good lord.  The SOV, (shot on video), boom in the 1980s where camcorders were readily available for household/incompetent filmmaking to use wielded hundreds of laughably inept movies, most of them seemingly horror ones.  To even call The Abomination a "movie" is insulting even to the worst movies out there as it hits all the marks of a clueless cast, crew, and director offering up something thoroughly unwatchable.  The dialog is all dubbed in post production and is noticeably distracting, but the actual words that they are saying are all levels of embarrassing, ("Last night I coughed up a big tumor.  Now I can't find it", "Instead of helping, the beer made my stomach churn").  There is a scene where a guy sits on a toilet and gets his asshole and then entire body eaten and another guy gets stabbed with a shovel and screams "Oowww! My stomach!".  This is also the only film ever made that begins with its own trailer; a three minute montage of all the gore moments to follow with the same shot of the main character jolting out of bed while screaming shown at least four-hundred and eighty times.  Now the problem is all of this sounds hilarious on paper and such moments isolated on their own are absolutely worthy of the "so bad they're funny" tag.  Yet the movie itself is outrageously boring.  You are seriously wondering if they even hired an editor or simply included all of the footage that they had as every scene just lingers on and on and on.  It seriously makes Plan 9 from Outer Space look like Goodfellas.

U.F.O. ABDUCTION
(1989)
Dir - Dean Alioto
Overall: MEH

Both U.F.O. Abduction, (The McPherson Tape), and a 1998 remake Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County made by the same team preceded the logically compared The Blair Witch Project in the "found footage" camp.  The initial version was produced for only $6,500 and definitely shows, which is one of its undoings.  The film quality itself is so incredibly poor that it is nearly impossible to make out what you are looking at and the very few things that would actually be exciting to see are all but indistinguishable.  Though it is barely an hour long, it feels noticeably stretched to make it there.  So little transpires in Abduction that the filmmakers were forced to have their cast behave irrationally to a fault, just to fill up time.  When aliens are clearly spotted and then one of them even gets brought into their house, (one of several moronic things these people do), their logic is to just kill time acting normal while opening birthday presents, eating cake, and playing cards.  Though this is presented as the only reasonable option, it becomes very boring since we are just waiting for something/anything else to happen.  The family's dialog is staggeringly poor and several of the male characters spontaneously erupt into bossy, asshole behavior, screaming things at their family like "Shut up!" and "I'm in charge of this family!" when nothing of the sort is either here nor there.  Clearly the cast was add-libbing as best they could and the overlapping dialog does appear more natural near the beginning of the movie.  Yet once the children's Halloween costume level aliens, (another big strike), show up, all the aforementioned problems truly emerge.

1980s American Horror Part Five

THE DEADLY SPAWN
(1983)
Dir - Douglas McKeown
Overall: WOOF

Despite having a synth score and a puppet monster that is as decent as any from the 1980s, The Deadly Spawn is deadly, deadly, deadly boring.  Written and directed by Douglas McKeown, (who has made a grand total of zero movies before or since this one), the pacing is absolutely detrimental to the film.  Essentially, if the giant slug creatures with layers of razor sharp teeth are not on screen munching people up, it is a laborious experience.  Even when the kill scenes do transpire, they are anything but exciting.  Characters get predictably jumped by them and at one staggeringly insulting instance, a kid literally just stands in place without immediately running away and/or screaming, instead watching them drool right in front of him for what seems like an hour.  There is also a party of middle aged ladies that we get to witness all the agonizing prep for, people making breakfast, waking up, sitting around and talking, more sitting around and talking, and then hiding and screaming which is just as dull as all the sitting around and talking.  Again, the creatures look good but they are as slow moving as the movie is and the ending, (as in once the creatures are seemingly defeated and everyone is chilling outside with cops and ambulances), just keeps going and going before the last predictable shot finally takes place.

BLOOD RAGE
(1987)
Dir - John Grissmer
Overall: MEH

Though it is equipped with an interesting twin brother premise and boasts no shortage of gruesome death scenes, John Grissmer's Blood Rage is loaded with problems.  Everything that would be clever about the film is merely implied.  Instead of addressing any of its presented psychology or even developing its villain in any way shape or form, it instead just has him start murdering absolutely everyone until the credits hit.  It is almost impressive how the movie blows all of its on-paper potential with a plot that is so empty that it barely appears to have one.  Whether this was due to editing and censored versions existing which omitted some scenes while adding others, in either case, the filmmaker's complete neglect to flesh out the story and instead just make it a kills-by-numbers outing is thoroughly disappointing.  The acting is mostly b-level except with one-time Louise Lasser who delivers the most irritating performances possible as the boy's mother, spending nearly all of her scenes hysterically breaking down and crying, especially the entire middle of the movie.  Blood Rage only becomes a bore because after so long, it becomes unmistakably apparent that jacking up the body count was indeed its only goal in the first place.

PARENTS
(1989)
Dir - Bob Balaban
Overall: GREAT

Actor/author/producer/occasional director Bob Balaban's Parents was his non-television debut behind the lens and not the first or last of his forays into horror comedy.  It is an extremely strong opening all around though, with everything to recommend and nothing to condemn.  Utilizing the premise of a child with an overactive imagination who sees everything his textbook, 1950's, suburban working class parents do as being sinister, Parents is remarkably stylized from beginning to end as an eerie, nightmarish horror movie while simultaneously being cheerful and goofy at surface level.  This is one of those films where nearly everything contributes to its success.  Christopher Hawthorne's script continually keeps the audience guessing, Jonathan Elias and Angelo Badalamenti's music is superb, the sound design could not be more effectively moody, the cast is perfect, (particularly Randy Quaid as the smiling, calmly threatening dad and Bryan Madorsky as the nervous, almost totally silent kid), and Balaban keeps the tone in check while carefully going the conventional horror movie route when necessary.  Many instances wonderfully toy with the horror format, while others are presented in a more genre friendly way that turns visually innocent things into macabre ones.  Top notch stuff.

1980s American Horror Part Four

MANIAC
(1980)
Dir - William Lustig
Overall: MEH

Director William Lustig's Maniac was his first non-porno movie and it became a textbook "video nasty" for its time.  Supported by Caroline Munroe, co-writer/lead Joe Spinell, and Tom Savini, (who besides doing the top-notch gore effects as is his specialty, also appears as one of the title character's victims), Lustig's vision here is bleak, bloody, and actually a little boring.  So, one too many b's.  Though Spinell is very effective as the heavily panting, overweight psycho killer, it was already a cliche in 1980 to have your murderer be yet another emotionally disturbed mama's boy.  Maniac's script is not really put together properly as the sub-plot with Munroe springs up randomly and appears to have several scenes missing from it, making it unclear as to its purpose in being there since it clashes so hard with the rest of the behavior and motivation from Spinell's title character.  There are a few murder sequences that unfortunately suffer too much from the horror format.  Since we know that all of these no-named women are doomed, there is no suspense in waiting for them to finally get all sliced and diced; a wait that occasionally seems to take forever at times.  Though things like this plod the movie down, the mood and complete lack of humor does make it pretty creepy even during the slow bits.

STREET TRASH
(1987)
Dir - J. Michael Muro
Overall: MEH

Cinematographer J. Michael Muro, (who worked on everything from numerous James Cameron films to Dances with Wolves), has a lone directorial effort under his belt and it is the absolutely asinine Street Trash.  Deliberately designed to be as offensive as possible to find a devote, midnight movie/video nasty audience, it is a frustrating combination of bizarrely exceptional camera work, practical gore effects, absolutely no plot, and unbearably terrible performances.  When the dialog is not in the "so bad it's hilarious" camp, it is overlapping with guido after guido after guido yelling profanities over each other to the point of nausea.  Muro definitely delivers on the trash element of the title with necrophilia, rape, racism, and women-beating all mixed with homeless people being portrayed as raving, Neanderthal lunatics who revel in playing keep-away with somebody's severed penis.  As ridiculous as Street Trash certainly is, it would be easier to appreciate it as hilarious garbage if not for the meandering lack of a story where random characters and "plot" lines abruptly come in and out, going nowhere in the process.  It becomes aggravating and tedious far too quickly like a kid at recess who keeps picking stuff out of his nose and relentlessly chasing you around with it.

WARLOCK
(1989)
Dir - Steve Miner
Overall: GOOD

Genre director Steve Miner, (several Friday the 13ths, House), worked with a script from future director David Twohy, (The Riddick Trilogy, Below), on Warlock, a pleasantly silly film whose budgetary constraints are noticeable yet not detrimental.  Twohy initially conceived of a far grander story, but limited funding resulted in some major rewrites that basically makes the movie a part fish out of water comedy and part Terminator rip-off with black magik, neither of which is a bad thing.  As a horror film, it is severely missing in anything spooky or at all frightening, though an early scene featuring Mary Woronov's medium nearly qualifies even if it is still played somewhat for laughs.  Julian Sands was cast against type as the diabolical title character and Richard E. Grant was straight off the heels of Withnail and I, each actor getting to speak in threatening old English at each other in a very Dracula vs. Van Helsing way.  The script does a good job of keeping its rules straight while simultaneously giggling at them, plus most of the poor visual effect work can be forgiven due to the era and lack of funds.  Another director would take on the following, even lesser-financed sequels, (with Sands returning for second as a totally different warlock), but the initial one here stands on its own just fine.

1980s American Horror Part Three

BASKET CASE
(1982)
Dir - Frank Henenlotter
Overall: GOOD

Frank Henenlotter's low budget debut Basket Case, (which spawned two sequels also helmed by the writer/director), is one of the early 80's horror outings that found a cult following on VHS as so, so many others likewise have.  It still stands as one of the more unique movies of its kind, using the diabolical, "bad twin" premise for equal parts laughs and unnerving creepiness.  As silly as the title character puppet looks on screen, (likewise in his dated, stop-motion animation form), it is rather amazing that he also comes off severely eerie in many instances.  Hearing his unearthly, distorted howl and watching him silently stare with his glowing red eyes provide the film with its most memorable, chilling moments.  It also helps that Henenlotter had the good sense to keep his creature off screen for awhile, simply teasing him for nearly the entire first half.  Elsewhere, the acting is understandably sub-par and the barrage of goofy, seedy New York street characters we encounter are nothing to take seriously, nor should they be.  The pacing is the only spot where the movie dips a bit though.  Henenlotter cannot quite keep it as brisk as it needs to be and the movie easily could have shaved ten or so minutes off, particularly near the end.  Minor complaint though, all said and done.

SLEEPAWAY CAMP
(1983)
Dir - Robert Hiltzik
Overall: MEH

The 1980's were the decade of slasher summer camp garbage and Sleepaway Camp is as textbook an example as any.  There are POV killer shots, awful, horny teenage characters, a mystery as to who is committing all of the murdering, terrible dialog, more terrible acting, all the usual bits and pieces.  Distinguishing itself minimally from the crop of other Friday the 13th carbon copies is the fact that the cast is largely made up of actual adolescents, (as in, not twenty-odd year olds playing fifteen year olds), and the ending is very surprisingly very creepy.  The actual twist is as silly and juvenile as any, but the film's final shot and the sound that comes along with it very genuinely stands out as unnerving.  Elsewhere, it is a near suffocating amount of cliches piled on top of each other and oodles of unintentional humor.  It is not quite clear when macho, Jersey-accented dudes dressed in ball exposing hot pants and cut-off tees when not swimming naked with each other went from totally heterosexual in this decade to flamingly not in modern times, but it is highly amusing to watch such homoerotic tomfoolery played so straight.  Several sequels followed this one because of course, but at least director Robert Hitlzik had the good sense to bow out of most of them.

THE STEPFATHER
(1987)
Dir - Joseph Ruben
Overall: MEH

The "stepparent" sub-genre in horror is not necessarily the most abundantly used, but thriller/B-movie filmmaker Joseph Ruben's The Stepfather can still easily be seen as the quintessential one whose premise revolves around a sinister "not my real mom/dad" scenario.  Terry O'Quinn, (who would go on to arguably be the best thing about Lost), is rather ideal here as the schizophrenic title character.  It is a wise move that his backstory is left vague, since his disturbing, twisted, fanatical insistence on having the most textbook, lame, suburban "aw shucks" family life seems thoroughly unwholesome, thus creating an intriguing paradox.  The movie is sadly undone by its cheap production values though.  Besides being heavily dated, the keyboard happy music is awful and rarely lets up for a single scene.  It also looks like a television movie, though this could be argued to be a plus in a roundabout way since the film skews traditional family values and therefor has the look of something a family would sit down together to watch after dinner on ABC or something.  There are also a couple of weak plot holes like how clueless and ultimately disinterested the law enforcement is in catching this guy and how seemingly easy it is for O'Quinn to start up a new life over and over again.  It is better than it could have been, but also a bit worse.