(1963)
Dir - Herbert L. Strock
Overall: MEH
B-movie mainstay Herbert L. Strock strikes again with The Crawling Hand; another low-end bit of schlock that was rightly lampooned on Mystery Science Theater 3000 decades later. The production aspects are noticeably sub-par right out of the gate with a hokey spaceship set and effects, only for things to go the usual route of fast talking Caucasian actors, (as well as Miss Iceland Sirry Steffen), having conversations in rooms for ninety-five percent of the running time. One or two death scenes break up the monotony where Peter Breck gets possessed by the severed arm of a astronaut who came in contact with a malevolent extraterrestrial force or whatever. One of the attacks has a man getting choked against a jukebox which turns on a Little Richard-styled tune for campy giggles. The makeup effects are laughably primitive and merely involve putting some dark smudges around anyone's eyes who have been bombarded with violent alien mojo, plus the entire concept of a malevolent appendage had been done for decades by this point and with far less ridiculous results. It certainly would be more endurable with about twenty minutes shaved off of it, but it is at least harmlessly stupid the way that it stands.
(1965)
Dir - John A. Bushelman
Overall: MEH
The only of John A. Bushelman's small handful of directorial works to be in the horror genre, Day of the Nightmare, (Don't Scream, Doris Mays!), is an unabashedly sleazy one that of course equates childhood, sexual trauma with psychopathic transvestism. A dingy, bottom-barrel, neglected cousin to Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, (as many exploitation films in its wake were, to varying degrees), this one features Cliff Fields as the cross-dressing, wackadoo murderer who engages in head-scratching, perverse acts even outside of when he decides to switch to his alter ego in order to murder people. An artist by trade, he stays away from his wife for endless nights, has women dance as he draws them, and pays other women to make out while topless so that he can relive moments in his past where he walked in on his mom sleeping with a random guy and then got hit on by his father's mistress. There is plenty of nudity and the film even manages to throw in a completely arbitrary, light orgy scene where characters who are narratively unnecessary play a goofy game of blindfolded fondling. The whole thing is unapologetic in its bad taste and groan-worthy in its ridiculousness, but fans of low-brow camp will certainly get a kick out of what is on display here.
(1968)
Dir - Ted V. Mikels
Overall: WOOF
Another infamous crud rock from schlock peddler Ted V. Mikels, The Astro-Zombies is as stupid as it is wretchedly boring. Filmed for $37,000, three of those thousand went to what looks like a couple of hours worth of work from John Carradine, all of whose scenes take place on a single set and come off as if the veteran actor only had one crack at all of his pseudoscience, gobbledygook lines. It is not like Carradine had much to work with anyway, nor do any of the other actors who admittingly do a sufficient job with the moronic material. What puts this in the "worst movie ever made" discussion besides the embarrassing production aspects is the abominable pacing and surprisingly dull story line, which never takes advantage of what should be fool-proof schlock to work with. The astro-zombie of the title is just a guy in normal cloths and a plastic, alien Halloween mask, plus he barely gets any screen time anyway. That is dedicated to CIA agents talking, Carradine talking, and some foreign criminals talking, with minimal action taking place that is all staged in a hilariously awkard fashion which is akin to an elementary school play. The whole thing is too blandly idiotic and cheap to provide the necessary giggles from an audience ripe to scorn it, so it instead just comes off as a forgettable trainwreck that barely seems to be trying in the first place.
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