80's American Horror Part Seventy-One

THE DEVONSVILLE TERROR

(1983)

Dir - Ulli Lommel

Overall: MEH

 

Ulli Lommel's follow-up to the lackluster slasher The Boogeyman was the clumsy The Devonsville Terror, one of boatloads of horror movies to utilize the ole "witch burned at the stake who then curses the whole town' scenario.  The opening scene set three-hundred years in the past is exactly what you think it is, yet only one of the three condemned females actually gets BBQued alive as the other two instead get eaten by pigs and killed on a breaking wheel, respectfully.  Such ugly, superstitious torment inflicted by the ignorant males of the community eventually mirrors itself in the present day, which is a bizarre conclusion that is never properly explained outside of just accepting that every deplorable guy on screen is simply a raving lunatic regardless of what century they are living in.  The performances are routinely stiff and the characterizations minimal at best, so it becomes difficult to be invested in such poorly plotted silliness to begin with.  Lommel's tone is deadly serious, but the presentation feels rushed, with Donald Pleasence's handful of scenes, (all of which take place in the same room as he was clearly on set for a day or two at most), coming off as pointless.  Some of the movie's awkwardness is mildly amusing, but most of it is just head-scratchingly aloof.

LEGEND

(1985)

Dir - Ridley Scott

Overall: GOOD

 

Arguably the most visually dazzling live-action fantasy film ever made, Ridley Scott's Legend remains riveting despite simultaneously being a grandiose mess.  Scott and screenwriter William Hjortsberg went through fifteen script revisions before ironing out the kinks enough to compact their fairy tale concept into a twenty-four million dollar budget and the resulting narrative is a bombardment of platitude-heavy dialog and all manner of whimsical cliches.  Though nuance is nowhere to be seen and the mystical smorgasbord of one-dimensional ideas is assuredly silly, the movie is a breathtaking achievement of pre-CGI effects and sound stage, cinematic storytelling.  Hot off of his equally exceptional work on John Carpenter's The Thing, Rob Bottin and his dedicated team of artists outdo themselves with the goblin, elf, and especially Lord of Darkness makeups.  In the latter role, Tim Curry delivers one of his handful of iconic performances, with quasi-flamboyant, Dr. Frank-N-Furter mannerisms in tow.  A pantsless Tom Cruise and a fake British-accented Mia Sara make beautiful on screen lovebirds, both Alice Playten and Robert Picardo bring an appropriate theatricality to their gender-swapped goblin and hag respectfully, and many of the industry's stable of smaller actors hoot, holler, and fall down in comic relief fashion.  The fire and brimstone/wintery forest sets are extraordinary as well, nearly all of which were shot at England's much-used Shepperton Studios.

DEATH SPA

(1989)

Dir - Michael Fischa

Overall: MEH

 

One of the most 80's bits of celluloid ever made, Death Spa, (Witch Bitch), takes the fun-on-paper premise of an upscale, haunted health spa in image-conscious Los Angeles and botches it hilariously.  The script crafts a number of goofy, violent set pieces involving a shower full of naked babes who get attacked by projectile tiles, a woman who gets her hands mutilated in a blender, and most absurdly, a police detective who gets attacked by papier-mâché fish in a freezer.  Some of it is impressive gore-wise, but the editing is persistently choppy, which does not help the already illogical, supernatural murders from making any more practical sense.  In other words, crazy stuff happens exclusively in an arbitrary fashion while the story bounces between various, unnecessary sub-plots that give the entire thing a messy, bloated feel.  Some of these trainwreck attributes are accidentally enduring, plus an acceptable amount of sleazy nudity, unintentional homoeroticism, absurdly dated visual aesthetics and wardrobe choices, bad music, and a guy who gets possessed by his dead sister and ergo performs some of his scenes in drag are all sufficient fodder to laugh at.  Also, genre and/or B-movie fans will appreciate the involvement of Brenda Bakke, Chelsea Field, Rosalind Cash, and Ken Foree, with the latter's shoulder-pad-abusing robe probably being the single most ridiculous element on screen.