(1984)
Dir - Ken Russell
Overall: MEH
After a small handful of projects fell through, Ken Russell finally got his follow-up to Alter States made with Crimes of Passion; an awkward erotic thriller that is equal parts Russell sensationalism and unintentional hilarity. The film was heavily edited to reach an R-rating and seen in its director's cut glory, this is certainly understandable. On paper at least, it makes sense that Russell would be attracted to Barry Sandler's goofy, overblown script about sexual repression, domesticality, religious fervor and who knows what else as it stumbles through all of its potential themes with the grace of a mentally challenged adolescent revved-up on Hustler magazines. All cliches involving fanatically disturbed reverends, women of the evening leading a double life, and sexless marriages are present, but the movie meanders loudly and pointlessly. It cannot be understated how mindbogglingly horrendous the dialog is which is either embarrassingly trying to wax poetic or nyucking it up with endless double entendres that would be a riot if not for how annoying they are in abundance. On the plus side, it is shot alluringly and both Kathleen Turner and Anthony Perkins go for broke in showy performances that match the outrageous material. Still though, this is a borderline trainwreck that hits all of the sleazy and ridiculous motifs of Russell's work without any of the compelling ones.
(1987)
Dir - Greydon Clark
Overall: WOOF
Killer feline films have long been tricky business to pull-off in cinema and the low-rent Uninvited from B-movie peddler Greydon Clark is one of the more pathetic examples of such an actuality. The second movie of the decade after 1980's Death Ship to find George Kennedy stuck on a yacht while people are getting murdered, (as well as the second collaboration between the actor and writer/director/producer Clark), it also features some of the most hilariously bad puppet work in any theatrically released movie. As a stand-in for a xenomorph, we have a genetically altered house cat that hides a smaller, nastier cat inside of its mouth which looks like an angry-faced stuffed animal when it emerges to attack people. The wretched special effects are not limited to merely the adorable ones as we also have crude bladder and model work that was clearly done on a non-existent budget. More the stuff of embarrassed hysterics than nightmares, sadly there are a limited amount of death-by-stupid-cat-puppet moments as the overwhelming majority of the running time is dedicated to obnoxious characters who are all either untrustworthy assholes or just plain ole idiots. There is plenty to laugh at though when the movie is not stalling with sleazy Wall Street hustlers, mimbos, some drunk guy, and bikini babes arguing with each other.
(1989)
Dir - Ken Wheat/Jim Wheat
Overall: MEH
A weak anthology outing from screenwriting brothers Ken and Jim Wheat and their to-date last film to serve as directors on, After Midnight does not have an original bone in its body. There is a framing narrative for each of the segments where a wackadoo yet also dashingly handsome college professor, (character actor Ramy Zada), convinces those brave enough in his class to tell scary stories at his house after school hours. This is all that happens for ninety-minutes, with one of the students having vague premonitions that lead to a predictable twist ending and all of the individual stories being so cliche-ridden as to be instantaneously forgettable. We have a couple exploring a creepy old house after their car malfunctions in the middle of nowhere, a sex pervert with killer dogs who terrorizes a car full of young women whose car also breaks down, and another creepy sex pervert who harasses women on the phone while exhibiting improbable slasher bad guy superpowers. There are plot holes that a meteor could easily fit into, relentlessly hammed-up dialog, and non-stop, foreboding keyboard music. At least the end sets things on fire and has a stop-motion skeleton for a few seconds which are the only laudable production values in the entire movie.
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