(1980)
Overall: MEH
One of countless slasher movies at the turn of the 1980s that really wanted to dress up as Halloween for Halloween, He Knows You're Alone
has a slightly more notably reputation for containing the first feature
film appearance from Tom Hanks, be it a minor one. While the
narrative is singular enough from John Carpenter's seminal masterpiece, a
handful of other obvious nods to it are present. These include one of
the piano motifs from Alexander and Mark Peskanov's score, the suburban, autumn
setting, shots of the killer being spotted outside of second floor
windows in broad daylight, and the murdering of promiscuous couples. To be fair of course, the latter example was utilized just as much if not
more so in every other slasher movie of the era and beyond. Also, some of
the meta references including a slasher film-within-a-film in the
beginning as well as Hanks waxing poetic about people's desire to be
scared by horror movies would be recycled by Wes Craven in the Scream
franchise. The "slowly picking off victims" framework is too
derivative and of course too colossally boring by nature to make this
more than just a mild curiosity, but it is at least not that insulting in
its lameness and hey, a severed head in a fish tank is always fun,
right?
(1982)
Overall: MEH
An American, giallo-styled police procedural, The Clairvoyant, (The Killing Hour), has some inventive kill sequences and a sensationalized enough premise, but still ends up being unremarkable. Set in Manhattan, it concerns a killer that handcuffs his victims in elaborate ways as to seal their doom, a psychic art student who goes into trances while drawing said murder victims, a paranormal talk show host, and, (most inexplicably of all), a detective who is also a stand-up comedian. Such a list of clashing ingredients seems like it would wield goofy results, but director/co-writer Armand Mastroianni plays everything straight enough outside of some cringe-worthy scenes at the New York Comic Strip which even manage to make professional Dennis Wolfberg's act seem embarrassing due to the fake laughter that was added to the soundtrack every half second. Despite these dreadful moments, the characters are likeable and the deaths are elaborately brutal, including a guy getting handcuffed to the bottom of a pool, a woman getting handcuffed to a runaway car, and another guy getting handcuffed at the bottom of an elevator shaft to name but a few. The killer reveal is lame though and hinged on an unnecessarily sleazy, last minute plot point, plus the presentation could do with some of the zaniness inherent in textbook giallo thrillers from their native Italy.
(1986)
Overall: MEH
Trekkies who are also horror fans may be pleased to know that a zombie movie exists with both Nichelle Nichols and LeVar Burton in it, but they are also likely to be disappointed by the results. The Supernaturals is one of several such genre films that came out in the 1980s from director Armand Mastroianni and it is no better or worse than the lot of em. Opening with a Civil War segment, things then switch to the contemporary age where a platoon is conducting routine maneuvers in the same spot where their now supernaturally-charged ancestors show up to do things when the script tells them to. Said screenplay by Michael S. Murphey and Joel Soisson boast flimsy logic, weak and/or unlikable characters, and a severe lack of exciting set pieces, but various other issues are equally faulty. While it is hard not to enjoy Nichols in some capacity, her brass Sargent gets grating after awhile, but this has more to due with her
character than her performance. Due to budgetary setbacks, Bart J. Mixon's make-up work was incomplete and therefor rarely utilized on screen, plus a finished score by Maurice Gibb of all people, (who cameos as a Union soldier in the prologue), was rejected and the used one by Robert O. Ragland is obnoxiously busy and plays continuously as to ruin all sense of atmospheric spookiness.
(1987)
Overall: MEH
Director Armand Mastroianni continues his streak of mediocre-at-best genre offerings with Distortions; a "woman going crazy" thriller with enough twists on top of twists to either make your head spin or make you check out due to boredom. Boasting a solid cast with Olivia Hussey in the lead, Piper Laurie continuing her typecast trek as a wackadoo bitch, and Edward Albert with a gay-friendly mustache, everyone can only do so much on screen with the lackluster script from John F. Goff to work with. The first two acts are particularly dull, with Hussey playing the prerequisite woman who has just suffered a tragedy and is gaslit by everyone into thinking that she is imagining both a man pursuing her and her smirking Aunt being up to no good. Rug pull number one happens when there is still almost fifteen minutes left in the running time, (including an actual Scooby-Doo styled mask reveal), and the final tag throws even more convoluted details into the mix which naturally bring about their own plot-holes as far as everything else that transpired before. The set pieces are weak and the drama is predictable, but for those who want to see Laurie do what she always does except this time with a ridiculous mom-hair wig on, look no further than here.
(1989)
Overall: MEHOne of director Armand Mastroianni's last theatrically released films before moving exclusively into television for the rest of his career, Cameron's Closet, (Cameron's Terror), still ends up having the look and feel of a TV movie anyway, despite the inclusion of some gory death sequences. Written by The Howling author Gary Brandner, it concerns a little kid with Professor X powers who inadvertently unleashes an ancient demon that likes to remain dormant unless the script tells it to do something. On that note, the plotting is particularly lazy, getting from point A to point B by means that are both overtly convenient and uninteresting. At least in its cinematic form, the host of ideas in Brandner's screenplay never gel and the supernatural occurrences follow no rhyme or reason. Besides the malevolent entity that does whatever it wants to at random intervals, the child of the title mostly keeps his powers to himself, the details concerning his father and partner who experimented on him are left unnecessarily vague, and a police detective's own nightmares serve no real purpose besides offering up more "scary on paper" set pieces. The special effects by the usually renowned Carlo Rambaldi are hit or miss and occasionally result in unintentional goofiness, plus the movie has an atrociously incorrect musical score whose primary theme is lighthearted and romantic and only shuts up just before something once again "scary on paper" is about to happen.
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