(1984)
Dir - Larry Cohen
Overall: WOOF
Say what you want about Larry Cohen, but his directorial efforts sure have...a thing. His follow-up to the ridiculous flying dinosaur movie Q, (as well as his first of two films to be released in 1984), Special Effects is a different kind of New York City romp from his previous efforts, yet it is also still absurd. Cohen's premises can only "work" if every character in them behaves in the opposite way that actual people would. The preposterous scenario here is about capturing reality and making it look fake, to paraphrase the modus operandi of Eric Bogosian's director character. The result has arguably the most implausible script ever written where a filmmaker murders a girl who stumbles into his apartment, the police arrest the girl's husband, the filmmaker bails the husband out to make a movie about his wife's murder that he committed, another woman is randomly found who is played by the same actor as the murdered wife, and the husband and the cops are all on board as technical advisors, producers, and actors in the filmmaker's movie. Each step of the way, Cohen seems to be doing everything in his power to obliterate suspension of disbelief, which makes this an ambitious tour de force in such a respect. The performances are uneven at best and the cheap musical score by Michael Minard is both atrocious and never shuts the hell up, but it is really the nonsense story that Cohen has concocted which, (for "entertainment's sake"), remains either its biggest asset or determent.
(1985)
Dir - Walter Grauman
Overall: MEH
The failed TV pilot The Covenant answers the question of what Dallas would be like if it had a Satanic cult. Soap opera in tone, it concerns a wealthy family that is in league with the Great Deceiver, only to be challenged both from within and by an outside family that plots to take them down. The story picks up when it is decided that the evil family's eighteen year-old daughter shall be inducted into the covenant of the title three years early because reasons, but seeing as this was planned to kick off an entire series, most of the details are left open-ended and things become bloated in the process. Several cast members are recognizable, (Kevin Conroy and Michelle Phillips together at last!), but director Walter Grauman's sense of pacing is too slack to make the barrage of dull, good looking, yuppie Caucasian characters and their various dramatic arcs worth paying attention to. There is a persistent and loud musical score, plus one of the sets is a firey cave with a giant stone demon head, but other supernatural set pieces are few and far between. Despite its wacky premise which includes ties to Nazism and incestual marriage, (plus the fact that it is a competent production), the results are nevertheless dull and meandering.
(1987)
Dir - Gregory McClatchy
Overall: MEH
A lame-brained,police procedural undead vehicle for actor/co-writer/co-producer Jason Williams, Vampire at Midnight also throws in Williams as a rogue cop, (because the 1980s), a huckster guru, (because the 1980s again), and some choreographed dance numbers, (also again because the 1980s). This was Gregory McClatchy's directorial debut from behind the lens and he does nothing either remarkable nor detrimental with the material, which is to say that this is a case of just bland production values, bland acting, and a bland story about a crazy guy using hypnosis to bite women, plus Williams spying on his neighbor who plays the piano well. That said, the tone is aloof, with some lighthearted musical choices that suggest a comedy angle mixed in with the usual ominous synth score and no decipherable jokes to be found, (unless you count a stand-up comedian who gets murdered quickly, presumably for telling terrible fake jokes). Sex, blood, sweaty dancing, and forgettable characters talking to each other sure does take up screen time though, but at least it makes some wacky decisions here or there to trick the audience into thinking that they are all of a sudden watching a different movie.
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