(1990)
Dir - Glenn Takakjian
Overall: MEH
Knowing schlock from director Glenn Takakjian and The Deadly Spawn producer Ted A. Bohus, Metamorphosis: The Alien Factor, (The Deadly Spawn II), has the look and feel of a rushed Roger Corman production, just minus the boobs. Set almost exclusively at a bio-research facility, (i.e. a local office building that the filmmakers were allowed to use during off-hours), it has adorable alien monsters, stop-motion animation, a cornball keyboard score, lousy acting from no-name thespians, a sleazy villain with a British accent, and a guy who turns into a slimy worm monstrosity that shoots tentacles and Silly Putty at people. Everyone here seems to be enjoying themselves with such stupidity, plus the tone never once takes itself seriously since how could it? That's good. Yet all of the enthusiasm in the world cannot disguise the fact that this is a hunk of junk. That's bad. Yet again, this is the kind of ridiculous nonsense that can easily be laughed at. That's good. It goes hard with the special effects, (none of which are convincing yet all of which are elaborate), and there is something enduring about a film that pretends that it is done on a budget which exceeds its own means by tens of millions of dollars.
(1991)
Dir - Mark Freed
Overall: WOOF
Calling the harebrained doof-fest Shock 'Em Dead, (Rock 'Em Dead), the "best" heavy metal horror comedy would be like calling syphilis the "best" venereal disease. In a sub-genre where every entry is different levels of embarrassing and horrible, this one is both the most horrible and the most embarrassing. With a band name like Spastic Colon, a song titled "Hairy Cherry", and a lyric like "I'm in love with a slut!", all making an appearance, clearly much of the juvenile humor is intended. While such moronic hair metal, boner comedy, and misogynistic/insensitive/scatological stereotypes are gleefully abused, no great terrible movie is complete without unintentional hilarity. Thankfully there is plenty of that to be found here as well, from every bizarre set piece being awkwardly staged, to abysmal acting, uninspired cinematography, cringe-worthy music, and lousy special effects even by D-grade schlock standards. The inexperience of director Mark Freed, (whose only previous film credit was being behind the lens on Jeff Porcaro's drum instructional video of all things), likely plays a role, but Martin Scorsese could hardly have done much better with such a meager budget and absurd material. Still, a top-billed Traci Lords engages in a brief catfight and Michael Angelo Batio shows up as a guitar-shredding demon so, go sports!
(1992)
Dir - Peter Manoogian
Overall: MEH
Full Moon Productions' Demonic Toys is notable for being one of the company's many "little terrors" schlock fests, as well as for having one of the first filmed screenplays from David S. Goyer. Not that this is something which Goyer or anyone else involved should be proud of. In typical Charles Band fashion, most of the movie takes place at a single indoor location and revolves around a small handful of actors, because you don't produce over four-hundred movies in a lifetime by spending unnecessary money. The story is a more stupid version of Puppet Master, (saying something), and revolves around a storage warehouse where a demon wears the guise of a kid with neon green eyes who controls random killer toys because why would it control them to do anything else? Characters act like idiots, they yell a lot, and one of them is plagued by hallucinations and nightmares revolving around the evil spirit that is fucking with everyone. We get a sixty-six year old flashback that looks exactly like 1992, a keyboard score that never stops, melodramatic performances, some boobs, stop-motion animation, and the adorable monster toys have about an 18th of the charisma that Chucky does in Child's Play.
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